Latest / That Old Trope with Nathaniel Kressen / Becoming the Fool

Transcript

Becoming the Fool · That Old Trope with Nathaniel Kressen

• 1:28
  To
• 1:28
  be
• 1:28
  or
• 1:29
  not
• 1:29
  to
• 1:29
  be.
• 1:32
  That
• 1:32
  is
• 1:33
  not
• 1:33
  the
• 1:33
  question
• 1:33
  today.
• 1:37
  Lets
• 1:37
  do
• 1:38
  this.
• 1:39
  Hello,
• 1:40
  paralopians.
• 1:41
  This
• 1:41
  is
• 1:41
  your
• 1:41
  fella,
• 1:42
  Nathaniel
• 1:43
  Cresson.
• 1:44
  Welcome
• 1:44
  to
• 1:44
  that
• 1:44
  old
• 1:44
  trope.
• 1:47
  You've
• 1:47
  made
• 1:47
  it
• 1:47
  this
• 1:47
  far
• 1:48
  in
• 1:48
  the
• 1:48
  season.
• 1:48
  You
• 1:48
  know
• 1:49
  some
• 1:49
  stuff
• 1:49
  about
• 1:49
  me.
• 1:50
  You
• 1:50
  know
• 1:51
  that
• 1:51
  I
• 1:51
  am
• 1:51
  42
• 1:52
  years
• 1:52
  old.
• 1:52
  You
• 1:53
  know
• 1:53
  that
• 1:53
  I
• 1:53
  have
• 1:53
  a
• 1:53
  giant
• 1:54
  peacock
• 1:54
  mural
• 1:55
  in
• 1:55
  my
• 1:55
  bedroom
• 1:55
  strung
• 1:56
  with
• 1:56
  Christmas
• 1:56
  lights.
• 1:58
  You
• 1:58
  know,
• 1:58
  right
• 1:58
  now
• 1:58
  I'm
• 1:59
  looking
• 1:59
  at
• 1:59
  branches,
• 2:00
  dried
• 2:00
  branches,
• 2:01
  half
• 2:01
  of
• 2:02
  which
• 2:02
  are
• 2:02
  from
• 2:02
  the
• 2:02
  land
• 2:02
  I
• 2:03
  used
• 2:03
  to
• 2:03
  own
• 2:03
  before
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  got
• 2:04
  divorced.
• 2:06
  So
• 2:06
  some
• 2:06
  are
• 2:06
  from
• 2:06
  the
• 2:07
  backyard,
• 2:07
  some
• 2:07
  nice
• 2:08
  growings,
• 2:08
  some
• 2:08
  BlackBerry
• 2:09
  vines,
• 2:11
  some
• 2:12
  leftover
• 2:12
  branches
• 2:13
  from
• 2:13
  an
• 2:13
  anise
• 2:14
  plant
• 2:14
  which
• 2:15
  smelled
• 2:15
  pretty
• 2:15
  nice.
• 2:17
  And
• 2:18
  today's
• 2:19
  episode
• 2:20
  is
• 2:21
  called
• 2:21
  Becoming
• 2:21
  the
• 2:21
  Fool.
• 2:23
  So
• 2:23
  becoming
• 2:23
  the
• 2:24
  fool
• 2:26
  has
• 2:26
  been
• 2:26
  an
• 2:26
  aspiration
• 2:27
  of
• 2:27
  mine.
• 2:28
  For
• 2:28
  anybody
• 2:29
  who
• 2:29
  does
• 2:29
  tarot,
• 2:30
  the
• 2:30
  fool
• 2:30
  is
• 2:30
  the
• 2:30
  first
• 2:31
  card
• 2:31
  in
• 2:31
  the
• 2:31
  deck.
• 2:31
  The
• 2:31
  0.
• 2:32
  He
• 2:33
  is
• 2:34
  in
• 2:34
  this
• 2:34
  fun
• 2:35
  little
• 2:35
  tarot
• 2:35
  pack
• 2:36
  I
• 2:36
  have
• 2:36
  from
• 2:36
  a
• 2:36
  friend.
• 2:38
  Trash
• 2:38
  panda
• 2:39
  tarot.
• 2:39
  It's
• 2:40
  raccoon
• 2:40
  cartoons,
• 2:43
  all
• 2:43
  sorts
• 2:44
  of
• 2:44
  fun
• 2:44
  shapes
• 2:44
  and
• 2:44
  sizes.
• 2:47
  Go
• 2:47
  and
• 2:48
  pick
• 2:48
  that
• 2:48
  up.
• 2:48
  I
• 2:48
  think
• 2:48
  it
• 2:48
  sells
• 2:49
  on
• 2:49
  Etsy.
• 2:52
  The
• 2:53
  fool
• 2:54
  is
• 2:54
  a
• 2:55
  curious,
• 2:57
  up
• 2:57
  for
• 2:57
  anything
• 2:58
  wanderer.
• 3:01
  It's
• 3:01
  someone
• 3:01
  who
• 3:01
  is
• 3:02
  not
• 3:02
  just
• 3:02
  at
• 3:02
  the
• 3:02
  beginning
• 3:03
  of
• 3:03
  a
• 3:03
  journey,
• 3:03
  but
• 3:04
  on
• 3:04
  a
• 3:04
  constant
• 3:05
  journey,
• 3:05
  one
• 3:06
  that's
• 3:06
  just
• 3:06
  ended
• 3:06
  and
• 3:06
  looped,
• 3:07
  backed
• 3:07
  around,
• 3:07
  started
• 3:08
  again.
• 3:10
  An
• 3:10
  element
• 3:11
  of
• 3:11
  the
• 3:11
  tarot,
• 3:11
  so
• 3:12
  far
• 3:12
  as
• 3:12
  I
• 3:12
  understand
• 3:12
  it,
• 3:13
  is,
• 3:14
  you
• 3:14
  know,
• 3:15
  a
• 3:15
  natural
• 3:15
  progression
• 3:16
  of
• 3:16
  things.
• 3:19
  Different
• 3:20
  aspects
• 3:21
  of
• 3:21
  life
• 3:21
  that
• 3:21
  have
• 3:21
  a
• 3:21
  natural,
• 3:22
  intuitive
• 3:23
  progression
• 3:24
  to
• 3:24
  them.
• 3:25
  Now,
• 3:25
  not
• 3:25
  everybody
• 3:26
  follows
• 3:26
  the
• 3:26
  same
• 3:26
  progression,
• 3:27
  not
• 3:27
  progression.
• 3:28
  Some
• 3:28
  people
• 3:29
  go
• 3:29
  part
• 3:29
  of
• 3:29
  the
• 3:29
  way,
• 3:29
  some
• 3:30
  people
• 3:30
  go
• 3:30
  the
• 3:30
  full
• 3:30
  way.
• 3:31
  Some
• 3:31
  zigzag,
• 3:33
  some
• 3:33
  go
• 3:34
  in
• 3:34
  reverse.
• 3:35
  But
• 3:36
  it's
• 3:36
  a
• 3:36
  progression
• 3:38
  of
• 3:38
  the
• 3:39
  essential
• 3:39
  core
• 3:39
  truths
• 3:41
  and
• 3:41
  components
• 3:42
  of
• 3:42
  what
• 3:42
  makes
• 3:42
  up
• 3:43
  a
• 3:43
  life.
• 3:44
  And
• 3:44
  the
• 3:44
  fool
• 3:45
  is
• 3:45
  right
• 3:45
  at
• 3:45
  the
• 3:45
  start
• 3:45
  and
• 3:46
  at
• 3:46
  the
• 3:46
  end.
• 3:48
  Someone
• 3:48
  who
• 3:48
  is
• 3:49
  unencumbered
• 3:49
  and
• 3:49
  curious,
• 3:52
  someone
• 3:52
  who
• 3:52
  does
• 3:52
  not
• 3:52
  have
• 3:53
  a
• 3:53
  safety
• 3:53
  net
• 3:53
  around
• 3:53
  them,
• 3:54
  is
• 3:55
  quite
• 3:55
  literally,
• 3:55
  nomadically
• 3:56
  going
• 3:56
  from
• 3:56
  one
• 3:56
  place
• 3:57
  to
• 3:57
  another.
• 4:00
  And
• 4:01
  I
• 4:01
  have
• 4:01
  become
• 4:02
  the
• 4:02
  Fool.
• 4:05
  There
• 4:06
  are
• 4:06
  certain
• 4:07
  moments
• 4:07
  in
• 4:07
  the
• 4:07
  past
• 4:08
  couple
• 4:08
  weeks
• 4:10
  where
• 4:11
  I
• 4:11
  did
• 4:12
  things
• 4:12
  that
• 4:12
  I
• 4:12
  have
• 4:12
  not
• 4:13
  done
• 4:13
  before.
• 4:16
  And
• 4:16
  I
• 4:16
  was
• 4:16
  going
• 4:16
  to.
• 4:18
  I
• 4:18
  was
• 4:18
  going
• 4:18
  to
• 4:18
  close
• 4:18
  with
• 4:19
  these
• 4:19
  because
• 4:19
  they're
• 4:20
  the
• 4:20
  happy
• 4:21
  side
• 4:21
  of
• 4:21
  this
• 4:23
  episode
• 4:23
  that
• 4:24
  I
• 4:24
  wanted
• 4:24
  to
• 4:24
  tackle.
• 4:28
  But
• 4:28
  maybe
• 4:28
  I'll
• 4:28
  say
• 4:28
  them
• 4:29
  now
• 4:29
  because
• 4:31
  they're
• 4:31
  kind
• 4:31
  of
• 4:31
  fun.
• 4:36
  So
• 4:36
  in
• 4:36
  the
• 4:36
  past
• 4:36
  couple
• 4:37
  weeks,
• 4:38
  I
• 4:39
  was
• 4:39
  having
• 4:40
  kind
• 4:40
  of
• 4:40
  a
• 4:40
  moody
• 4:41
  day.
• 4:43
  It
• 4:43
  was,
• 4:45
  I
• 4:46
  believe,
• 4:48
  an
• 4:48
  anniversary.
• 4:50
  My
• 4:51
  anniversary
• 4:51
  of
• 4:51
  the
• 4:51
  separation
• 4:52
  decision.
• 4:52
  I
• 4:52
  believe,
• 4:54
  or,
• 4:55
  you
• 4:55
  know,
• 4:55
  something.
• 4:55
  It
• 4:56
  was
• 4:56
  some
• 4:56
  anniversary
• 4:57
  of
• 4:57
  some
• 4:57
  kind.
• 4:59
  And
• 5:01
  my
• 5:02
  friend
• 5:02
  from
• 5:03
  Naked
• 5:03
  Angels,
• 5:03
  Mars,
• 5:04
  Ramone,
• 5:04
  who
• 5:05
  is
• 5:05
  not
• 5:05
  only
• 5:06
  a
• 5:06
  gifted
• 5:07
  actress
• 5:07
  and
• 5:07
  fun
• 5:07
  person,
• 5:08
  she
• 5:08
  also
• 5:08
  is
• 5:09
  a
• 5:09
  killer
• 5:09
  fucking
• 5:10
  musician.
• 5:11
  Great
• 5:11
  Voice.
• 5:14
  She
• 5:14
  happened
• 5:15
  to
• 5:15
  be
• 5:15
  on
• 5:15
  my
• 5:15
  block
• 5:15
  and
• 5:16
  I
• 5:16
  was
• 5:16
  out
• 5:16
  walking
• 5:17
  my
• 5:17
  dog
• 5:17
  and
• 5:19
  she
• 5:19
  mentioned
• 5:19
  she
• 5:19
  was
• 5:19
  going
• 5:20
  to
• 5:21
  this
• 5:22
  fun
• 5:23
  thing,
• 5:24
  a
• 5:25
  musical
• 5:26
  theater
• 5:26
  improv
• 5:28
  class,
• 5:29
  without
• 5:30
  missing
• 5:30
  a
• 5:30
  beat.
• 5:31
  I
• 5:31
  had
• 5:32
  meant
• 5:32
  to
• 5:32
  be,
• 5:32
  you
• 5:33
  know,
• 5:34
  outside
• 5:34
  much
• 5:34
  earlier
• 5:35
  than
• 5:35
  I
• 5:35
  was.
• 5:35
  Got
• 5:35
  postponed,
• 5:36
  walked
• 5:36
  outside
• 5:36
  and
• 5:37
  there
• 5:37
  she
• 5:37
  was.
• 5:39
  Said,
• 5:39
  would
• 5:40
  it
• 5:40
  be
• 5:40
  cool
• 5:40
  if
• 5:40
  I
• 5:40
  came?
• 5:42
  And
• 5:43
  proceeded
• 5:44
  to
• 5:44
  find
• 5:44
  out
• 5:44
  that
• 5:46
  I
• 5:46
  had
• 5:47
  forgotten,
• 5:50
  I'd
• 5:50
  forgotten
• 5:52
  from
• 5:52
  so
• 5:52
  much
• 5:52
  time
• 5:53
  away
• 5:53
  from
• 5:53
  the
• 5:53
  theater
• 5:54
  what
• 5:54
  musical
• 5:55
  theater
• 5:55
  people
• 5:56
  are
• 5:56
  like.
• 5:57
  It
• 5:57
  is
• 5:58
  a
• 5:58
  species.
• 5:59
  It
• 5:59
  is
• 5:59
  a
• 6:00
  species.
• 6:01
  And
• 6:02
  when
• 6:02
  you
• 6:02
  are
• 6:02
  in
• 6:02
  a
• 6:03
  room
• 6:03
  full
• 6:03
  of
• 6:03
  them.
• 6:03
  As
• 6:03
  a
• 6:04
  non
• 6:04
  musical
• 6:04
  theater
• 6:04
  person,
• 6:05
  I
• 6:05
  love
• 6:05
  musical
• 6:06
  theater,
• 6:07
  but
• 6:08
  not
• 6:08
  to
• 6:08
  this
• 6:08
  extent.
• 6:10
  It's
• 6:11
  like
• 6:11
  being
• 6:11
  dropped
• 6:12
  in
• 6:13
  a
• 6:13
  foreign
• 6:14
  country
• 6:14
  a
• 6:14
  little
• 6:15
  bit.
• 6:16
  And
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  got
• 6:19
  on
• 6:20
  stage
• 6:20
  with
• 6:20
  other
• 6:20
  people
• 6:21
  and
• 6:22
  was
• 6:22
  certainly
• 6:23
  less
• 6:24
  jazz
• 6:24
  hands
• 6:25
  than
• 6:25
  I
• 6:25
  needed
• 6:25
  to
• 6:25
  be.
• 6:26
  But
• 6:26
  there
• 6:27
  were
• 6:27
  a
• 6:27
  couple
• 6:27
  moments
• 6:27
  that
• 6:27
  were
• 6:28
  really
• 6:28
  fun
• 6:28
  where
• 6:28
  it
• 6:28
  was
• 6:28
  little
• 6:29
  bits
• 6:29
  of
• 6:29
  dialogue
• 6:29
  and
• 6:29
  I
• 6:29
  got
• 6:30
  to
• 6:30
  throw
• 6:30
  some
• 6:30
  truth
• 6:30
  back
• 6:30
  at
• 6:31
  people
• 6:31
  and
• 6:31
  actually
• 6:31
  make
• 6:31
  them
• 6:31
  crack
• 6:32
  up
• 6:32
  with
• 6:32
  just
• 6:32
  how
• 6:32
  natural
• 6:33
  the
• 6:33
  response
• 6:33
  was
• 6:34
  to
• 6:34
  certain
• 6:34
  things.
• 6:34
  And
• 6:35
  I
• 6:35
  felt
• 6:35
  great
• 6:35
  about
• 6:35
  that.
• 6:37
  Did
• 6:37
  not
• 6:37
  take
• 6:37
  any
• 6:38
  solos,
• 6:39
  did
• 6:39
  not.
• 6:40
  I
• 6:40
  did
• 6:40
  do
• 6:41
  a
• 6:42
  falsetto,
• 6:43
  kind
• 6:43
  of
• 6:44
  like
• 6:44
  Aretha
• 6:44
  style
• 6:45
  jazz
• 6:45
  riff,
• 6:46
  vocal
• 6:47
  riff
• 6:47
  run
• 6:48
  at
• 6:49
  one
• 6:49
  point
• 6:49
  when
• 6:50
  we
• 6:50
  were
• 6:50
  singing
• 6:50
  about
• 6:50
  the
• 6:50
  Chrysler
• 6:51
  Building
• 6:51
  and
• 6:51
  how
• 6:51
  shiny
• 6:52
  it
• 6:52
  was.
• 6:54
  So
• 6:54
  that
• 6:54
  was
• 6:55
  fun.
• 6:57
  Felt
• 6:57
  like
• 6:57
  an
• 6:57
  absolute
• 6:58
  fool
• 6:58
  doing
• 6:58
  that.
• 7:01
  And
• 7:04
  I
• 7:04
  read
• 7:05
  music
• 7:06
  the
• 7:06
  other
• 7:07
  day,
• 7:08
  I
• 7:08
  don't
• 7:08
  read
• 7:08
  music,
• 7:10
  but
• 7:11
  I
• 7:11
  was
• 7:11
  working
• 7:11
  with
• 7:12
  somebody
• 7:12
  and
• 7:12
  they'd
• 7:12
  drawn
• 7:12
  out
• 7:13
  the
• 7:13
  notes
• 7:13
  going
• 7:14
  across
• 7:15
  and
• 7:16
  I
• 7:16
  can
• 7:16
  pluck
• 7:17
  away
• 7:17
  at
• 7:17
  it
• 7:18
  piano
• 7:18
  with
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  best
• 7:19
  of
• 7:19
  them.
• 7:19
  So
• 7:21
  I
• 7:21
  did
• 7:21
  that
• 7:22
  and
• 7:23
  it
• 7:23
  was
• 7:24
  fun
• 7:24
  because
• 7:25
  their
• 7:26
  style
• 7:26
  of
• 7:26
  learning
• 7:26
  and
• 7:27
  mine
• 7:28
  aren't
• 7:28
  quite
• 7:28
  the
• 7:28
  same.
• 7:29
  And
• 7:29
  I
• 7:29
  vocalize
• 7:30
  like,
• 7:30
  no,
• 7:30
  just
• 7:30
  give
• 7:31
  me
• 7:31
  a
• 7:31
  little
• 7:31
  bit.
• 7:31
  Let
• 7:31
  me
• 7:31
  learn
• 7:32
  the
• 7:32
  architecture.
• 7:32
  Let
• 7:32
  me
• 7:32
  learn
• 7:33
  the
• 7:33
  shapes
• 7:33
  of
• 7:33
  it,
• 7:34
  the
• 7:34
  colors
• 7:34
  of
• 7:34
  it,
• 7:34
  the
• 7:34
  shapes
• 7:35
  of
• 7:35
  it,
• 7:35
  the
• 7:35
  progression
• 7:35
  of
• 7:35
  it.
• 7:35
  What's
• 7:36
  the.
• 7:36
  What's
• 7:36
  the
• 7:36
  pattern?
• 7:37
  What's
• 7:37
  the
• 7:37
  thing?
• 7:39
  And
• 7:39
  by
• 7:39
  later
• 7:39
  that
• 7:39
  afternoon
• 7:40
  we
• 7:40
  were
• 7:40
  playing
• 7:42
  and
• 7:43
  that
• 7:43
  felt
• 7:43
  really
• 7:43
  good
• 7:44
  and
• 7:45
  that
• 7:45
  made
• 7:45
  me
• 7:45
  feel
• 7:45
  like
• 7:45
  a
• 7:46
  fool.
• 7:47
  There
• 7:48
  was
• 7:48
  this
• 7:48
  event.
• 7:48
  I
• 7:49
  don't
• 7:49
  know
• 7:49
  when
• 7:49
  this
• 7:49
  episode
• 7:50
  is
• 7:50
  going
• 7:50
  to
• 7:50
  come
• 7:50
  out,
• 7:50
  but
• 7:52
  my
• 7:52
  friend,
• 7:52
  another
• 7:52
  Naked
• 7:53
  Angels
• 7:53
  friend,
• 7:54
  Ben
• 7:54
  Batchelder,
• 7:56
  terrible
• 7:56
  pronunciation
• 7:57
  of
• 7:57
  last
• 7:57
  name,
• 7:57
  but
• 7:58
  great
• 7:58
  guy.
• 8:00
  He
• 8:01
  is
• 8:01
  a
• 8:01
  really
• 8:01
  interesting
• 8:02
  dude
• 8:02
  that
• 8:02
  plays
• 8:02
  a
• 8:03
  bunch
• 8:03
  of
• 8:03
  instruments
• 8:04
  and
• 8:05
  is
• 8:05
  also
• 8:05
  part
• 8:06
  of
• 8:06
  these
• 8:06
  different
• 8:06
  communities.
• 8:07
  And
• 8:07
  one
• 8:07
  of
• 8:07
  them
• 8:07
  is
• 8:08
  Ukrainian
• 8:08
  Village
• 8:09
  Voices
• 8:10
  and
• 8:10
  they
• 8:10
  had
• 8:10
  a
• 8:10
  fun
• 8:11
  event
• 8:11
  with
• 8:12
  Crimean
• 8:13
  musicians.
• 8:14
  And
• 8:15
  I
• 8:15
  impromptu
• 8:16
  went
• 8:16
  to
• 8:16
  that.
• 8:16
  And
• 8:17
  little
• 8:17
  did
• 8:17
  I
• 8:17
  know
• 8:18
  that
• 8:19
  on
• 8:19
  an
• 8:19
  empty
• 8:19
  stomach
• 8:20
  with
• 8:20
  not
• 8:20
  enough
• 8:21
  coffee
• 8:21
  and
• 8:21
  having
• 8:21
  been
• 8:21
  out
• 8:22
  a
• 8:22
  little
• 8:22
  bit
• 8:22
  late,
• 8:22
  I
• 8:22
  think
• 8:23
  the
• 8:23
  night
• 8:23
  before.
• 8:26
  It
• 8:26
  was
• 8:26
  highly
• 8:26
  interactive.
• 8:27
  Like
• 8:28
  so
• 8:28
  much
• 8:28
  dancing
• 8:29
  and
• 8:29
  so
• 8:29
  much
• 8:30
  singing
• 8:30
  in
• 8:31
  if
• 8:32
  it's
• 8:32
  Ukrainian,
• 8:32
  is
• 8:33
  the
• 8:33
  language
• 8:33
  Ukrainian?
• 8:34
  And
• 8:36
  learned
• 8:37
  some
• 8:37
  interesting
• 8:37
  stuff
• 8:38
  when
• 8:38
  they
• 8:38
  were
• 8:38
  talking
• 8:38
  about
• 8:39
  things
• 8:39
  apparently.
• 8:39
  Like
• 8:40
  it's
• 8:40
  a
• 8:40
  hugely
• 8:42
  just
• 8:42
  diverse
• 8:43
  background,
• 8:44
  like
• 8:44
  ethnically
• 8:45
  about
• 8:46
  26
• 8:47
  different
• 8:48
  lines
• 8:49
  I
• 8:49
  think.
• 8:50
  Like,
• 8:51
  I
• 8:51
  don't
• 8:51
  know,
• 8:51
  I'm
• 8:52
  gonna
• 8:52
  misquote
• 8:52
  the
• 8:52
  thing,
• 8:52
  but
• 8:52
  basically
• 8:53
  like
• 8:53
  a
• 8:53
  lot
• 8:53
  of
• 8:53
  different
• 8:54
  populations
• 8:54
  have
• 8:54
  passed
• 8:55
  through
• 8:55
  there
• 8:55
  and
• 8:55
  called
• 8:56
  it
• 8:56
  home.
• 8:57
  And
• 8:57
  the
• 8:57
  people
• 8:57
  have
• 8:58
  that
• 8:58
  represented
• 8:59
  in
• 8:59
  their
• 8:59
  music.
• 9:01
  It
• 9:01
  was
• 9:01
  beautiful,
• 9:02
  it
• 9:02
  was
• 9:02
  great,
• 9:02
  it
• 9:02
  was
• 9:03
  fun.
• 9:03
  It
• 9:03
  was
• 9:03
  a
• 9:03
  lot
• 9:03
  of
• 9:04
  dancing.
• 9:06
  And
• 9:06
  I
• 9:06
  felt
• 9:06
  so
• 9:07
  old
• 9:07
  because
• 9:07
  I
• 9:07
  couldn't
• 9:08
  kneel
• 9:08
  very
• 9:09
  well.
• 9:09
  I
• 9:10
  couldn't
• 9:10
  kneel
• 9:10
  guys.
• 9:11
  Like
• 9:12
  at
• 9:12
  one
• 9:12
  point
• 9:12
  I
• 9:12
  was
• 9:12
  like,
• 9:13
  I
• 9:13
  got
• 9:13
  three
• 9:13
  more
• 9:13
  times
• 9:13
  in
• 9:14
  me
• 9:14
  and
• 9:14
  then
• 9:14
  I
• 9:14
  just
• 9:14
  started
• 9:15
  crouching
• 9:15
  and
• 9:15
  I'm
• 9:15
  like,
• 9:16
  this
• 9:16
  is
• 9:16
  so
• 9:16
  sad,
• 9:18
  this
• 9:18
  is
• 9:18
  so
• 9:18
  sad.
• 9:21
  But
• 9:21
  I
• 9:21
  had
• 9:22
  fucking
• 9:22
  ball.
• 9:23
  And
• 9:23
  so
• 9:23
  that
• 9:24
  was
• 9:24
  another
• 9:24
  thing.
• 9:26
  And.
• 9:31
  The
• 9:31
  last
• 9:32
  one
• 9:32
  that
• 9:32
  I
• 9:32
  wanted
• 9:32
  to
• 9:33
  mention
• 9:35
  was
• 9:35
  that
• 9:35
  I
• 9:35
  had
• 9:36
  a
• 9:37
  live
• 9:38
  stream
• 9:39
  concert
• 9:39
  as
• 9:40
  Growlhoney
• 9:40
  last
• 9:40
  night
• 9:41
  as
• 9:41
  of
• 9:41
  recording
• 9:42
  this.
• 9:43
  And
• 9:43
  this
• 9:44
  was
• 9:44
  completely
• 9:45
  not
• 9:45
  thought
• 9:45
  through.
• 9:47
  So
• 9:48
  my
• 9:48
  album
• 9:48
  Yonder
• 9:48
  Lies
• 9:51
  I
• 9:51
  released
• 9:51
  in
• 9:51
  2024
• 9:54
  and
• 9:56
  its
• 9:57
  release
• 9:57
  pretty
• 9:58
  much
• 9:58
  directly
• 9:59
  overlapped
• 9:59
  with
• 10:00
  the
• 10:00
  decision
• 10:00
  to
• 10:00
  separate
• 10:01
  from
• 10:01
  my
• 10:01
  ex
• 10:02
  wife.
• 10:04
  So
• 10:04
  I
• 10:04
  was
• 10:04
  in
• 10:04
  some
• 10:05
  deep
• 10:05
  depression
• 10:07
  and
• 10:07
  just
• 10:07
  unable
• 10:08
  to
• 10:08
  promote
• 10:08
  or
• 10:09
  market
• 10:09
  it.
• 10:11
  But
• 10:11
  I
• 10:11
  spent
• 10:11
  two
• 10:11
  years
• 10:12
  making
• 10:12
  that
• 10:12
  thing.
• 10:12
  I'm
• 10:12
  proud
• 10:13
  of
• 10:13
  that
• 10:13
  thing.
• 10:13
  It
• 10:13
  does
• 10:14
  something.
• 10:15
  It
• 10:15
  does
• 10:15
  something
• 10:15
  pretty
• 10:15
  cool
• 10:16
  that
• 10:17
  I
• 10:17
  feel
• 10:17
  is
• 10:17
  just
• 10:18
  core
• 10:18
  to
• 10:19
  my
• 10:19
  unique
• 10:20
  sensibilities
• 10:20
  in
• 10:20
  terms
• 10:21
  of
• 10:21
  the
• 10:21
  sound,
• 10:22
  the
• 10:22
  environment,
• 10:23
  the
• 10:23
  styles
• 10:24
  of
• 10:24
  songs,
• 10:25
  how
• 10:26
  weird
• 10:26
  it
• 10:26
  is,
• 10:26
  how
• 10:27
  funny
• 10:27
  it
• 10:27
  is,
• 10:27
  how
• 10:28
  heart
• 10:29
  forward
• 10:29
  it
• 10:29
  is,
• 10:30
  how
• 10:30
  true
• 10:30
  it
• 10:31
  feels,
• 10:31
  how
• 10:32
  there's
• 10:32
  water
• 10:32
  noises
• 10:33
  and
• 10:33
  birds
• 10:34
  and
• 10:34
  tons
• 10:34
  of
• 10:34
  references
• 10:35
  to
• 10:35
  the
• 10:35
  sun
• 10:37
  and
• 10:38
  some
• 10:38
  really
• 10:39
  good
• 10:39
  people
• 10:39
  playing
• 10:39
  on
• 10:40
  it.
• 10:40
  Nicholas
• 10:40
  Di
• 10:41
  Michele
• 10:41
  is
• 10:42
  another
• 10:43
  longtime
• 10:43
  friend.
• 10:44
  Great
• 10:44
  writer,
• 10:44
  great
• 10:45
  musician.
• 10:45
  Used
• 10:45
  to
• 10:45
  have
• 10:45
  a
• 10:45
  band
• 10:46
  called
• 10:46
  Ghost
• 10:46
  N
• 10:46
  Goblin
• 10:48
  and
• 10:49
  he's
• 10:49
  out
• 10:49
  in
• 10:50
  Detroit
• 10:50
  fixing
• 10:51
  up
• 10:51
  a
• 10:51
  mansion,
• 10:52
  living
• 10:52
  his
• 10:53
  life,
• 10:53
  doing
• 10:54
  contacting
• 10:54
  work.
• 10:55
  And
• 10:56
  he's
• 10:56
  an
• 10:56
  incredible
• 10:56
  musician.
• 10:57
  And
• 10:57
  he's
• 10:57
  on
• 10:57
  tiny
• 10:57
  Tin
• 10:57
  can
• 10:58
  Living
• 10:58
  room
• 10:58
  and
• 10:58
  helped
• 10:58
  me
• 10:59
  in
• 10:59
  his
• 10:59
  attic
• 10:59
  studio
• 11:00
  record
• 11:00
  that
• 11:00
  while
• 11:01
  I
• 11:01
  stayed
• 11:01
  with
• 11:01
  him.
• 11:01
  And
• 11:01
  it
• 11:02
  was
• 11:02
  incredible
• 11:03
  fucking
• 11:03
  experience.
• 11:05
  And
• 11:07
  Mert
• 11:07
  Spalti
• 11:08
  and
• 11:09
  Zoe
• 11:10
  Pete
• 11:11
  Ford,
• 11:11
  both
• 11:12
  incredible
• 11:12
  musicians
• 11:13
  in
• 11:13
  their
• 11:13
  own
• 11:13
  right.
• 11:13
  Also
• 11:14
  part
• 11:14
  of
• 11:14
  a
• 11:14
  band
• 11:14
  called
• 11:15
  Friendly
• 11:15
  Company
• 11:15
  which
• 11:16
  is
• 11:16
  just
• 11:16
  like
• 11:16
  throwback,
• 11:17
  like
• 11:18
  folk
• 11:18
  rock,
• 11:18
  60s
• 11:19
  style,
• 11:20
  four
• 11:20
  piece.
• 11:20
  They
• 11:21
  all
• 11:21
  play
• 11:21
  different
• 11:22
  instruments
• 11:22
  and
• 11:22
  circle
• 11:23
  around
• 11:23
  and
• 11:23
  stuff.
• 11:24
  Nicest
• 11:25
  like
• 11:25
  Muppet
• 11:26
  people
• 11:27
  like
• 11:27
  ever.
• 11:29
  So
• 11:29
  the
• 11:29
  name
• 11:29
  proves
• 11:30
  true.
• 11:30
  And
• 11:30
  they,
• 11:30
  you
• 11:31
  know,
• 11:31
  each
• 11:31
  have
• 11:31
  like
• 11:32
  different
• 11:34
  individual
• 11:35
  efforts
• 11:35
  too.
• 11:36
  The
• 11:36
  members
• 11:36
  are
• 11:37
  Jesse,
• 11:39
  Jesse
• 11:40
  and
• 11:40
  Doe
• 11:40
  Kensley.
• 11:41
  I
• 11:41
  don't
• 11:41
  know
• 11:41
  what
• 11:41
  Jesse's
• 11:42
  last
• 11:42
  name
• 11:42
  is
• 11:42
  at
• 11:42
  the
• 11:43
  moment,
• 11:43
  but
• 11:43
  you
• 11:43
  can
• 11:43
  pretty
• 11:44
  much
• 11:44
  figure
• 11:44
  it
• 11:44
  out.
• 11:44
  There's
• 11:44
  only
• 11:45
  four
• 11:45
  of
• 11:45
  Them
• 11:45
  friendly
• 11:45
  company,
• 11:46
  they
• 11:46
  make
• 11:46
  great
• 11:46
  music
• 11:46
  and
• 11:47
  they're
• 11:47
  great
• 11:47
  people.
• 11:49
  And
• 11:49
  the
• 11:49
  feds
• 11:50
  are
• 11:50
  coming.
• 11:51
  Oh
• 11:51
  boy,
• 11:52
  already.
• 11:54
  I
• 11:54
  haven't
• 11:55
  even
• 11:55
  achieved
• 11:55
  X
• 11:56
  yet.
• 11:59
  That's
• 11:59
  a
• 11:59
  fun
• 12:00
  thing
• 12:00
  to
• 12:00
  let
• 12:00
  go
• 12:00
  of.
• 12:01
  The
• 12:01
  imagination,
• 12:03
  the
• 12:03
  imagined
• 12:04
  outcome,
• 12:05
  the
• 12:05
  fact
• 12:06
  that
• 12:06
  my
• 12:06
  life
• 12:06
  is
• 12:07
  supposed
• 12:07
  to
• 12:07
  add
• 12:07
  up
• 12:07
  to
• 12:07
  one
• 12:08
  thing.
• 12:09
  If
• 12:09
  I
• 12:09
  just
• 12:09
  achieve
• 12:10
  that
• 12:10
  one
• 12:10
  thing,
• 12:11
  then
• 12:13
  I'll
• 12:13
  finally
• 12:15
  be
• 12:15
  able
• 12:15
  to
• 12:15
  say,
• 12:16
  cool,
• 12:16
  I
• 12:17
  did
• 12:17
  life
• 12:17
  right,
• 12:17
  or
• 12:18
  cool,
• 12:18
  that's
• 12:19
  enough
• 12:19
  love
• 12:19
  or
• 12:19
  enough
• 12:20
  success
• 12:20
  or
• 12:20
  enough
• 12:22
  I
• 12:22
  don't
• 12:22
  know
• 12:23
  what
• 12:23
  expression
• 12:27
  so
• 12:27
  I
• 12:27
  am,
• 12:27
  I
• 12:28
  think,
• 12:29
  you
• 12:29
  know,
• 12:30
  it
• 12:30
  really
• 12:30
  didn't
• 12:30
  occur
• 12:30
  to
• 12:30
  me
• 12:31
  right
• 12:31
  then
• 12:33
  where
• 12:34
  it's
• 12:34
  like,
• 12:34
  come
• 12:34
  on.
• 12:34
  But
• 12:34
  I
• 12:35
  haven't
• 12:35
  achieved
• 12:35
  X
• 12:35
  yet.
• 12:35
  I
• 12:36
  realized
• 12:36
  I
• 12:36
  don't
• 12:36
  need
• 12:37
  to
• 12:37
  achieve
• 12:37
  shit.
• 12:39
  I
• 12:40
  don't
• 12:40
  feel
• 12:40
  I
• 12:40
  need
• 12:40
  to
• 12:40
  achieve
• 12:41
  shit
• 12:41
  anymore
• 12:41
  because
• 12:43
  I'm
• 12:43
  doing
• 12:44
  the
• 12:44
  best
• 12:44
  I
• 12:44
  can
• 12:44
  with
• 12:44
  what
• 12:45
  I
• 12:45
  got
• 12:45
  and
• 12:45
  really
• 12:46
  enjoying
• 12:47
  the
• 12:47
  relationships
• 12:48
  I
• 12:48
  have
• 12:48
  with
• 12:49
  people.
• 12:50
  The
• 12:50
  discovery
• 12:51
  of
• 12:51
  self
• 12:51
  that
• 12:52
  I
• 12:52
  have,
• 12:52
  the
• 12:52
  art
• 12:52
  that
• 12:53
  I'm
• 12:53
  making,
• 12:53
  the
• 12:53
  art
• 12:53
  that
• 12:54
  I
• 12:54
  have
• 12:54
  made,
• 12:54
  like
• 12:55
  all
• 12:55
  the
• 12:55
  lifetimes.
• 12:56
  I'm
• 12:56
  just
• 12:56
  so
• 12:56
  grateful
• 12:57
  for
• 12:57
  all
• 12:57
  of
• 12:57
  it.
• 12:58
  And
• 12:59
  I
• 12:59
  don't
• 12:59
  have
• 12:59
  to
• 12:59
  do
• 12:59
  shit.
• 13:01
  I
• 13:01
  don't
• 13:01
  have
• 13:01
  to
• 13:01
  do
• 13:02
  shit
• 13:03
  that
• 13:04
  I
• 13:04
  don't
• 13:04
  want
• 13:04
  to
• 13:06
  or
• 13:06
  that
• 13:06
  I
• 13:06
  don't
• 13:06
  feel
• 13:07
  compelled
• 13:07
  to
• 13:07
  do
• 13:07
  because
• 13:08
  I
• 13:08
  genuinely
• 13:09
  do
• 13:09
  want
• 13:09
  to
• 13:09
  be
• 13:10
  a
• 13:10
  fucking
• 13:10
  service.
• 13:10
  And
• 13:11
  not
• 13:11
  just
• 13:11
  all
• 13:11
  about
• 13:11
  me.
• 13:12
  There's
• 13:13
  in
• 13:13
  the
• 13:13
  project
• 13:16
  Artist
• 13:16
  led,
• 13:17
  which
• 13:17
  is
• 13:17
  coming
• 13:18
  out
• 13:18
  probably
• 13:18
  before
• 13:18
  this
• 13:19
  episode
• 13:19
  goes
• 13:19
  live,
• 13:19
  it'll
• 13:20
  be
• 13:20
  out.
• 13:20
  There's
• 13:21
  a
• 13:22
  episode
• 13:22
  with
• 13:22
  the
• 13:23
  folks
• 13:23
  from
• 13:23
  AFT
• 13:23
  Studios.
• 13:24
  One
• 13:24
  of
• 13:24
  them
• 13:25
  is
• 13:25
  named
• 13:25
  Darrell
• 13:25
  Ratcliffe.
• 13:26
  Really
• 13:27
  nice
• 13:27
  guy.
• 13:27
  Everybody
• 13:28
  in
• 13:28
  that
• 13:28
  show
• 13:28
  is
• 13:29
  just
• 13:29
  kind
• 13:29
  hearted,
• 13:29
  brilliant
• 13:30
  people.
• 13:31
  And
• 13:33
  the,
• 13:34
  the
• 13:34
  phrase
• 13:35
  that
• 13:35
  he
• 13:35
  said
• 13:35
  at
• 13:35
  one
• 13:35
  point
• 13:36
  is,
• 13:39
  if
• 13:39
  yourself
• 13:40
  is
• 13:40
  your
• 13:40
  greatest
• 13:41
  cause,
• 13:41
  then
• 13:41
  it's
• 13:42
  a
• 13:42
  mighty
• 13:43
  small
• 13:43
  cause.
• 13:45
  And
• 13:45
  I
• 13:45
  like
• 13:46
  to
• 13:46
  remember
• 13:46
  that
• 13:46
  in
• 13:47
  times
• 13:47
  where
• 13:47
  I
• 13:47
  get
• 13:47
  all
• 13:47
  obsessive
• 13:48
  about,
• 13:48
  oh
• 13:49
  my
• 13:49
  God,
• 13:49
  I
• 13:49
  haven't
• 13:49
  done
• 13:49
  this,
• 13:50
  this
• 13:50
  and
• 13:50
  this,
• 13:51
  the
• 13:51
  company
• 13:51
  or
• 13:52
  oh
• 13:52
  my
• 13:52
  God,
• 13:52
  you
• 13:52
  know,
• 13:53
  like
• 13:53
  X
• 13:53
  is
• 13:54
  happening.
• 13:54
  And
• 13:54
  I'm
• 13:54
  so
• 13:55
  pissed
• 13:55
  off
• 13:55
  because
• 13:55
  it
• 13:55
  interrupts
• 13:56
  Y
• 13:57
  and
• 13:57
  it's
• 13:57
  like,
• 13:58
  fuck
• 13:59
  it,
• 13:59
  man.
• 14:00
  Look
• 14:00
  at
• 14:00
  the
• 14:00
  trees,
• 14:02
  smell
• 14:02
  the
• 14:03
  birds,
• 14:06
  listen
• 14:06
  to
• 14:06
  the
• 14:06
  bagels
• 14:07
  being
• 14:07
  baked.
• 14:11
  There's
• 14:11
  this
• 14:11
  dude
• 14:12
  near
• 14:12
  me
• 14:12
  who
• 14:14
  is
• 14:14
  fun.
• 14:14
  That's
• 14:15
  his
• 14:15
  bike
• 14:15
  in
• 14:15
  the
• 14:16
  background.
• 14:18
  For
• 14:18
  a
• 14:18
  moment
• 14:18
  I
• 14:18
  thought
• 14:18
  we
• 14:18
  were
• 14:19
  going
• 14:19
  to
• 14:19
  be
• 14:19
  pals.
• 14:19
  And
• 14:20
  then
• 14:20
  I
• 14:20
  think
• 14:20
  maybe
• 14:20
  he
• 14:21
  just
• 14:21
  saw
• 14:21
  me
• 14:21
  on
• 14:21
  one
• 14:21
  of
• 14:21
  my
• 14:21
  Woo
• 14:22
  Woo
• 14:22
  journeys,
• 14:22
  my
• 14:22
  walkabouts.
• 14:23
  And
• 14:24
  I
• 14:24
  was
• 14:24
  like,
• 14:24
  I
• 14:25
  gotta
• 14:25
  watch
• 14:25
  this,
• 14:25
  I
• 14:26
  gotta
• 14:26
  watch
• 14:26
  this
• 14:26
  white
• 14:26
  guy.
• 14:28
  And
• 14:30
  it's
• 14:30
  like,
• 14:31
  you
• 14:31
  know,
• 14:32
  maybe,
• 14:33
  but
• 14:33
  I'm
• 14:34
  pretty
• 14:34
  sure
• 14:34
  I'm
• 14:34
  harmless,
• 14:36
  alright?
• 14:37
  So
• 14:39
  to
• 14:39
  aspire
• 14:39
  to
• 14:39
  be
• 14:39
  the
• 14:40
  fool.
• 14:41
  I
• 14:41
  think
• 14:41
  with
• 14:42
  all
• 14:42
  this
• 14:42
  feeding
• 14:43
  into
• 14:43
  it
• 14:43
  my
• 14:44
  gratitude
• 14:45
  for
• 14:45
  all
• 14:45
  the
• 14:45
  things
• 14:46
  that
• 14:47
  I
• 14:49
  have
• 14:49
  done,
• 14:50
  am
• 14:50
  doing,
• 14:52
  will
• 14:52
  do
• 14:52
  whenever
• 14:54
  understanding
• 14:55
  is
• 14:55
  about
• 14:56
  is
• 14:56
  truly
• 14:56
  is
• 14:56
  about
• 14:57
  the
• 14:57
  journey
• 14:57
  and
• 14:57
  just
• 14:57
  enjoying
• 14:58
  the
• 14:58
  fuck
• 14:58
  out
• 14:58
  of
• 14:58
  the
• 14:58
  journey.
• 14:59
  If
• 14:59
  I'm
• 14:59
  there,
• 15:01
  then
• 15:03
  the
• 15:03
  point
• 15:05
  of
• 15:06
  doing
• 15:06
  this
• 15:07
  podcast
• 15:07
  is
• 15:07
  to
• 15:08
  show
• 15:09
  my
• 15:10
  true
• 15:10
  self,
• 15:12
  my
• 15:12
  true
• 15:12
  self,
• 15:13
  faults
• 15:13
  and
• 15:14
  all.
• 15:15
  Because
• 15:17
  when
• 15:17
  I
• 15:17
  do
• 15:18
  talk
• 15:18
  to
• 15:18
  people
• 15:18
  about
• 15:20
  where
• 15:20
  I'm
• 15:20
  at,
• 15:20
  like
• 15:21
  I
• 15:21
  was
• 15:21
  at
• 15:21
  a
• 15:21
  party
• 15:21
  the
• 15:21
  other
• 15:22
  night.
• 15:22
  I
• 15:23
  do
• 15:23
  talk
• 15:23
  to
• 15:23
  people
• 15:23
  about
• 15:24
  where
• 15:24
  I'm
• 15:24
  at
• 15:24
  and
• 15:24
  what
• 15:24
  I'm
• 15:24
  going
• 15:25
  through
• 15:25
  and
• 15:25
  how
• 15:25
  I
• 15:25
  think
• 15:25
  about
• 15:25
  things
• 15:26
  and
• 15:26
  stuff,
• 15:27
  it
• 15:27
  seems
• 15:28
  to
• 15:28
  have
• 15:28
  some
• 15:28
  value
• 15:30
  and
• 15:31
  I
• 15:31
  want
• 15:31
  to
• 15:31
  raise
• 15:32
  my
• 15:32
  hand
• 15:32
  and
• 15:32
  say
• 15:32
  that
• 15:34
  I
• 15:34
  still
• 15:35
  fuck
• 15:35
  up
• 15:35
  and
• 15:35
  I
• 15:36
  fucked
• 15:36
  up
• 15:36
  and
• 15:36
  I'm
• 15:36
  going
• 15:36
  to
• 15:37
  talk
• 15:37
  about
• 15:37
  them
• 15:37
  right
• 15:37
  now.
• 15:40
  And
• 15:40
  I'm
• 15:40
  glad
• 15:42
  that
• 15:42
  maybe
• 15:43
  me
• 15:43
  going
• 15:43
  through
• 15:44
  shit
• 15:44
  both
• 15:44
  good
• 15:45
  and
• 15:45
  bad,
• 15:45
  successful
• 15:46
  and
• 15:46
  not,
• 15:49
  maybe
• 15:49
  it
• 15:49
  brings
• 15:50
  some
• 15:50
  solace
• 15:51
  that
• 15:51
  you're
• 15:52
  not
• 15:52
  alone.
• 15:54
  In
• 15:55
  some
• 15:55
  cases,
• 15:55
  if
• 15:55
  I
• 15:55
  land
• 15:57
  on
• 15:57
  a
• 15:57
  solution
• 15:58
  somewhere,
• 15:58
  you'll
• 15:59
  hear
• 15:59
  it
• 15:59
  or
• 15:59
  you'll
• 15:59
  draw
• 16:00
  it
• 16:00
  for
• 16:00
  yourself.
• 16:00
  Based
• 16:00
  on
• 16:01
  what
• 16:01
  I'm
• 16:01
  struggling
• 16:01
  with
• 16:02
  and
• 16:02
  not
• 16:03
  struggling
• 16:03
  with
• 16:03
  just
• 16:06
  what
• 16:06
  I'm
• 16:06
  engaging
• 16:07
  with
• 16:07
  at
• 16:07
  the
• 16:07
  moment.
• 16:09
  I
• 16:10
  like
• 16:10
  this
• 16:10
  show
• 16:10
  as
• 16:10
  a
• 16:10
  format.
• 16:11
  I
• 16:11
  hope
• 16:11
  you
• 16:11
  do
• 16:11
  too.
• 16:14
  So
• 16:14
  on
• 16:14
  that
• 16:14
  note,
• 16:15
  with
• 16:15
  the
• 16:16
  story
• 16:16
  of
• 16:16
  false
• 16:17
  and
• 16:17
  all,
• 16:17
  here
• 16:17
  we
• 16:17
  go.
• 16:18
  This
• 16:18
  one
• 16:20
  leads
• 16:21
  up
• 16:21
  to
• 16:21
  the
• 16:21
  second
• 16:21
  one.
• 16:22
  It's
• 16:23
  from
• 16:23
  a
• 16:23
  little
• 16:23
  while
• 16:23
  ago.
• 16:25
  Is
• 16:25
  from
• 16:25
  right
• 16:25
  before
• 16:26
  I
• 16:26
  stepped
• 16:26
  away
• 16:26
  from
• 16:27
  acting.
• 16:29
  I
• 16:29
  had
• 16:29
  been
• 16:31
  plugging
• 16:31
  away
• 16:31
  for
• 16:32
  a
• 16:32
  while.
• 16:32
  I
• 16:32
  went
• 16:32
  to
• 16:32
  nyu
• 16:33
  Tisch.
• 16:33
  I
• 16:33
  studied
• 16:34
  drama.
• 16:34
  I
• 16:35
  was
• 16:35
  a
• 16:35
  brief
• 16:35
  double
• 16:35
  major
• 16:36
  in
• 16:36
  dramatic
• 16:36
  writing,
• 16:36
  but
• 16:36
  it
• 16:37
  didn't
• 16:37
  really
• 16:37
  fit.
• 16:38
  Stepped
• 16:38
  away
• 16:39
  after,
• 16:39
  like,
• 16:40
  convincing
• 16:40
  people
• 16:41
  this
• 16:42
  is
• 16:42
  part
• 16:42
  of
• 16:42
  the
• 16:43
  pattern
• 16:43
  and
• 16:43
  we're
• 16:43
  probably
• 16:43
  gonna
• 16:44
  land
• 16:44
  on
• 16:44
  here
• 16:45
  after
• 16:46
  convincing
• 16:46
  people,
• 16:47
  like,
• 16:47
  I
• 16:47
  can
• 16:47
  do
• 16:47
  the
• 16:48
  double
• 16:48
  major.
• 16:48
  Nobody
• 16:49
  does.
• 16:49
  Like,
• 16:49
  I
• 16:49
  can
• 16:49
  do
• 16:50
  the
• 16:50
  fucking
• 16:50
  thing.
• 16:50
  Like
• 16:51
  all
• 16:51
  this
• 16:51
  stuff.
• 16:51
  I
• 16:51
  showed
• 16:51
  up
• 16:52
  and
• 16:52
  the
• 16:52
  classes
• 16:52
  weren't
• 16:52
  to
• 16:53
  my
• 16:53
  liking
• 16:53
  in
• 16:53
  a
• 16:53
  semester.
• 16:54
  I
• 16:54
  was
• 16:54
  like,
• 16:54
  all
• 16:54
  right,
• 16:54
  peace
• 16:54
  them
• 16:55
  out.
• 16:55
  I'm
• 16:55
  actually
• 16:55
  just
• 16:55
  gonna
• 16:56
  do
• 16:56
  drama.
• 16:58
  After
• 16:59
  fighting
• 16:59
  so
• 16:59
  hard
• 16:59
  for
• 17:00
  the
• 17:00
  thing
• 17:00
  and
• 17:00
  getting
• 17:01
  so
• 17:01
  far,
• 17:02
  being
• 17:02
  like,
• 17:03
  not
• 17:03
  for
• 17:03
  me,
• 17:03
  Bye.
• 17:06
  And
• 17:06
  it
• 17:07
  was
• 17:07
  true
• 17:07
  because
• 17:08
  I
• 17:08
  had
• 17:08
  to
• 17:08
  find
• 17:08
  myself
• 17:09
  as
• 17:09
  a
• 17:09
  writer
• 17:09
  in
• 17:09
  a
• 17:09
  different
• 17:09
  way.
• 17:10
  I
• 17:11
  don't
• 17:11
  like
• 17:12
  being
• 17:12
  told
• 17:12
  what
• 17:13
  to
• 17:13
  do.
• 17:13
  I
• 17:13
  don't
• 17:14
  like
• 17:14
  being
• 17:14
  told
• 17:14
  there's
• 17:14
  only
• 17:15
  one
• 17:15
  outcome.
• 17:15
  I
• 17:15
  don't
• 17:16
  like
• 17:16
  feeling
• 17:16
  controlled.
• 17:18
  I
• 17:19
  was
• 17:19
  talking
• 17:19
  to
• 17:19
  this
• 17:20
  a
• 17:20
  little
• 17:20
  bit
• 17:20
  earlier,
• 17:24
  just
• 17:24
  acknowledging,
• 17:25
  just
• 17:26
  acknowledging
• 17:26
  what's
• 17:27
  in
• 17:27
  there
• 17:27
  and
• 17:27
  doing
• 17:27
  the
• 17:27
  best
• 17:28
  I
• 17:28
  can.
• 17:29
  I
• 17:30
  really
• 17:30
  cannot
• 17:31
  be
• 17:31
  told
• 17:31
  what
• 17:31
  to
• 17:31
  do.
• 17:32
  Not
• 17:32
  at
• 17:32
  this
• 17:33
  phase.
• 17:33
  Not
• 17:34
  with
• 17:34
  what
• 17:34
  I've
• 17:34
  gone
• 17:35
  through,
• 17:35
  not
• 17:35
  with
• 17:35
  what
• 17:35
  I've
• 17:36
  thought
• 17:36
  about,
• 17:36
  not
• 17:36
  with
• 17:36
  what
• 17:37
  I
• 17:37
  want
• 17:37
  to
• 17:37
  do.
• 17:38
  If
• 17:39
  somebody's
• 17:39
  looking
• 17:39
  to
• 17:40
  tell
• 17:40
  me
• 17:40
  how
• 17:40
  to
• 17:41
  do
• 17:41
  Something
• 17:41
  right
• 17:41
  now.
• 17:43
  I
• 17:43
  wish
• 17:44
  you
• 17:44
  the
• 17:44
  very
• 17:44
  best
• 17:45
  because
• 17:45
  I
• 17:45
  will
• 17:45
  take
• 17:46
  all
• 17:46
  information
• 17:47
  on
• 17:47
  good
• 17:47
  faith
• 17:49
  to
• 17:49
  help
• 17:50
  inform
• 17:50
  my
• 17:50
  decision
• 17:51
  making.
• 17:53
  And
• 17:54
  I
• 17:54
  just
• 17:54
  can't
• 17:55
  defer
• 17:55
  anymore.
• 17:56
  And
• 17:56
  I
• 17:56
  can't
• 17:56
  go
• 17:57
  against
• 17:57
  my
• 17:57
  own
• 17:57
  best
• 17:57
  interests.
• 17:59
  I
• 18:00
  know
• 18:00
  those
• 18:00
  best
• 18:00
  interests
• 18:01
  very
• 18:01
  much
• 18:01
  include
• 18:02
  caring
• 18:03
  about
• 18:03
  other
• 18:03
  people
• 18:03
  and
• 18:04
  showing
• 18:04
  up
• 18:04
  for
• 18:04
  other
• 18:04
  people
• 18:05
  and
• 18:05
  giving
• 18:06
  and
• 18:07
  increasingly
• 18:07
  figuring
• 18:08
  out
• 18:08
  how
• 18:08
  to
• 18:08
  be
• 18:08
  of
• 18:08
  service
• 18:09
  without
• 18:09
  being
• 18:09
  a
• 18:09
  dick
• 18:10
  at
• 18:10
  the
• 18:10
  same
• 18:10
  time.
• 18:12
  So,
• 18:12
  you
• 18:12
  know,
• 18:15
  there's
• 18:15
  a
• 18:15
  lot
• 18:15
  of
• 18:16
  inner
• 18:16
  reconciliation
• 18:18
  happening.
• 18:18
  And
• 18:19
  my
• 18:19
  reward
• 18:20
  is
• 18:20
  the
• 18:20
  ability
• 18:21
  to
• 18:21
  make
• 18:21
  my
• 18:21
  own
• 18:21
  decisions.
• 18:22
  For
• 18:22
  pretty
• 18:23
  much
• 18:23
  the
• 18:23
  first
• 18:23
  time
• 18:24
  in
• 18:24
  my
• 18:24
  entire
• 18:25
  life.
• 18:26
  I've
• 18:26
  earned
• 18:26
  that.
• 18:27
  That's
• 18:27
  where
• 18:27
  I'm
• 18:28
  at.
• 18:29
  I've
• 18:29
  earned
• 18:29
  it.
• 18:30
  I'm
• 18:30
  using
• 18:30
  the
• 18:30
  power
• 18:31
  for
• 18:31
  good
• 18:31
  best
• 18:32
  I
• 18:32
  can.
• 18:32
  And
• 18:33
  when
• 18:33
  I
• 18:33
  err,
• 18:33
  I
• 18:34
  make
• 18:34
  amends.
• 18:36
  So
• 18:38
  long
• 18:39
  ago,
• 18:40
  I
• 18:40
  had
• 18:40
  been
• 18:40
  plugging
• 18:40
  away
• 18:41
  at
• 18:41
  the
• 18:41
  theater
• 18:41
  thing.
• 18:43
  And
• 18:46
  for
• 18:46
  those
• 18:46
  who
• 18:48
  have
• 18:48
  not
• 18:48
  had
• 18:49
  the
• 18:49
  experience
• 18:49
  of
• 18:49
  being
• 18:49
  an
• 18:50
  actor
• 18:50
  in
• 18:50
  New
• 18:50
  York,
• 18:50
  I'm
• 18:51
  gonna
• 18:51
  talk
• 18:51
  about
• 18:51
  some
• 18:52
  things.
• 18:52
  One
• 18:53
  is
• 18:53
  that
• 18:54
  rehearsals
• 18:54
  are
• 18:54
  often
• 18:55
  held
• 18:55
  in
• 18:56
  whatever
• 18:57
  space
• 18:57
  people
• 18:57
  can
• 18:58
  get,
• 18:58
  whether
• 18:58
  it's
• 18:59
  for
• 18:59
  free
• 18:59
  or
• 18:59
  low
• 18:59
  cost,
• 19:00
  whatever
• 19:00
  else
• 19:00
  like
• 19:00
  that.
• 19:00
  So
• 19:01
  you're
• 19:01
  looking
• 19:01
  at,
• 19:02
  at
• 19:02
  times,
• 19:03
  some
• 19:03
  real
• 19:04
  kind
• 19:04
  of
• 19:04
  odd
• 19:04
  spaces,
• 19:05
  like
• 19:06
  classrooms
• 19:06
  in
• 19:06
  schools
• 19:07
  with,
• 19:07
  like,
• 19:07
  cold
• 19:08
  linoleum
• 19:08
  floors.
• 19:09
  When
• 19:09
  you
• 19:09
  have
• 19:10
  to
• 19:10
  be
• 19:10
  on
• 19:10
  the
• 19:10
  floor
• 19:10
  for
• 19:11
  half
• 19:11
  of
• 19:11
  the
• 19:11
  thing
• 19:11
  and
• 19:12
  very
• 19:12
  little
• 19:12
  clothing.
• 19:14
  You're
• 19:14
  looking
• 19:14
  at
• 19:15
  dingy
• 19:16
  buildings
• 19:17
  that
• 19:17
  might
• 19:18
  or
• 19:18
  might
• 19:18
  not
• 19:18
  have
• 19:18
  a
• 19:18
  window.
• 19:19
  Probably
• 19:20
  are
• 19:20
  surrounded
• 19:20
  by
• 19:21
  other
• 19:21
  rooms
• 19:21
  where
• 19:21
  people
• 19:22
  are
• 19:22
  shrieking
• 19:22
  and
• 19:23
  howling
• 19:23
  because
• 19:24
  they're
• 19:24
  having,
• 19:24
  you
• 19:24
  know,
• 19:25
  their
• 19:25
  own
• 19:25
  rehearsals
• 19:26
  or
• 19:26
  singing
• 19:26
  along
• 19:26
  or
• 19:27
  whatever
• 19:27
  else
• 19:27
  like
• 19:27
  that.
• 19:28
  So
• 19:29
  there's
• 19:30
  a
• 19:30
  glamour
• 19:31
  in
• 19:32
  the
• 19:33
  roughness
• 19:34
  of
• 19:34
  it.
• 19:34
  But
• 19:34
  it
• 19:35
  also
• 19:35
  takes
• 19:35
  a
• 19:35
  toll,
• 19:36
  especially
• 19:37
  for
• 19:37
  sensitive
• 19:37
  people
• 19:38
  who
• 19:38
  are
• 19:38
  very
• 19:38
  sensitive
• 19:39
  to
• 19:39
  other
• 19:39
  people
• 19:40
  feeling
• 19:40
  upset.
• 19:42
  A
• 19:42
  lot
• 19:42
  of
• 19:43
  people
• 19:43
  are
• 19:43
  upset
• 19:43
  in
• 19:43
  those
• 19:43
  spaces.
• 19:44
  And
• 19:44
  it's
• 19:44
  not
• 19:44
  just
• 19:44
  because
• 19:45
  of
• 19:45
  those
• 19:45
  spaces.
• 19:45
  It's
• 19:46
  because
• 19:46
  some
• 19:46
  people
• 19:47
  don't
• 19:49
  have
• 19:49
  proper
• 19:50
  boundaries
• 19:51
  when
• 19:51
  it
• 19:52
  comes
• 19:52
  to
• 19:54
  how
• 19:54
  to
• 19:55
  treat
• 19:55
  people.
• 19:57
  Whether
• 19:57
  that
• 19:57
  is
• 19:58
  power
• 19:58
  dynamic,
• 19:59
  whether
• 19:59
  it
• 19:59
  is
• 20:00
  sexual
• 20:00
  in
• 20:00
  nature
• 20:00
  or
• 20:00
  not.
• 20:01
  It
• 20:03
  really
• 20:03
  is
• 20:03
  a
• 20:04
  very
• 20:04
  common
• 20:04
  thing
• 20:05
  that
• 20:05
  people
• 20:06
  have
• 20:06
  outsized
• 20:06
  expectations
• 20:07
  for
• 20:07
  people
• 20:08
  that
• 20:08
  forget
• 20:08
  about
• 20:09
  others,
• 20:09
  humanity.
• 20:11
  And
• 20:12
  this
• 20:12
  is
• 20:12
  happening
• 20:13
  in
• 20:13
  a
• 20:13
  space
• 20:13
  that's
• 20:13
  very
• 20:14
  open
• 20:14
  emotionally.
• 20:17
  In
• 20:17
  order
• 20:17
  to
• 20:17
  be
• 20:17
  a
• 20:18
  good
• 20:18
  actor,
• 20:19
  in
• 20:19
  order
• 20:19
  to
• 20:19
  be
• 20:19
  a
• 20:19
  good
• 20:19
  director,
• 20:20
  a
• 20:20
  good
• 20:20
  writer,
• 20:21
  a
• 20:21
  good
• 20:21
  designer,
• 20:22
  good
• 20:22
  anything
• 20:23
  attached
• 20:24
  to
• 20:24
  the
• 20:24
  arts.
• 20:25
  You
• 20:25
  have
• 20:25
  to
• 20:25
  open
• 20:26
  up
• 20:26
  yourself.
• 20:29
  You
• 20:29
  have
• 20:29
  to
• 20:29
  open
• 20:30
  up
• 20:30
  yourself
• 20:30
  to
• 20:30
  understanding
• 20:32
  what,
• 20:33
  in
• 20:33
  this
• 20:33
  case,
• 20:33
  the
• 20:33
  characters
• 20:34
  are
• 20:34
  going
• 20:34
  through.
• 20:36
  You
• 20:36
  have
• 20:37
  to
• 20:37
  be
• 20:37
  open
• 20:38
  and
• 20:39
  willing
• 20:39
  to
• 20:39
  be
• 20:39
  hurt
• 20:40
  in
• 20:41
  order
• 20:41
  to
• 20:41
  get
• 20:41
  anywhere
• 20:42
  worth
• 20:42
  a
• 20:42
  damn.
• 20:43
  And
• 20:44
  there
• 20:44
  are
• 20:44
  people
• 20:44
  in
• 20:44
  these
• 20:44
  spaces
• 20:45
  who
• 20:46
  don't
• 20:47
  stop,
• 20:51
  don't
• 20:52
  understand,
• 20:54
  don't
• 20:54
  consider
• 20:55
  whatever
• 20:58
  their
• 20:59
  actions
• 20:59
  around
• 20:59
  hurting
• 21:00
  people.
• 21:02
  Many
• 21:03
  of
• 21:03
  them
• 21:03
  are
• 21:03
  oblivious.
• 21:05
  Doesn't
• 21:05
  mean
• 21:05
  it's
• 21:05
  not
• 21:05
  hurtful.
• 21:08
  And
• 21:10
  I
• 21:10
  have
• 21:11
  the
• 21:11
  white
• 21:11
  knight
• 21:11
  in
• 21:12
  me.
• 21:12
  I
• 21:13
  have
• 21:13
  the
• 21:13
  savior
• 21:13
  complex.
• 21:15
  And
• 21:15
  I'm
• 21:16
  highly
• 21:16
  emotional
• 21:17
  and
• 21:17
  feel
• 21:18
  resentful
• 21:18
  when
• 21:18
  I
• 21:19
  see
• 21:19
  people
• 21:19
  being
• 21:19
  mistreated
• 21:20
  in
• 21:21
  no
• 21:21
  small
• 21:21
  part
• 21:21
  because
• 21:22
  of
• 21:22
  my
• 21:22
  sister.
• 21:22
  Being
• 21:23
  someone
• 21:23
  with
• 21:23
  special
• 21:24
  needs,
• 21:24
  disabilities,
• 21:25
  and
• 21:26
  growing
• 21:27
  up
• 21:27
  having
• 21:27
  to
• 21:27
  be
• 21:27
  that
• 21:28
  hero.
• 21:28
  Growing
• 21:28
  up
• 21:29
  having
• 21:29
  to
• 21:29
  be
• 21:29
  the
• 21:29
  one
• 21:29
  who
• 21:30
  protects
• 21:32
  and
• 21:32
  defends.
• 21:35
  So
• 21:35
  you
• 21:35
  can
• 21:35
  see
• 21:35
  where
• 21:35
  this
• 21:35
  is
• 21:36
  going.
• 21:36
  Sometimes
• 21:36
  I
• 21:36
  get
• 21:37
  on
• 21:37
  my
• 21:37
  white
• 21:37
  horse
• 21:37
  and
• 21:37
  I
• 21:38
  take
• 21:38
  action
• 21:39
  on
• 21:39
  behalf
• 21:39
  of
• 21:40
  what's
• 21:41
  right
• 21:41
  or
• 21:42
  on
• 21:42
  behalf
• 21:42
  of
• 21:43
  other
• 21:43
  people
• 21:43
  or
• 21:43
  whatever
• 21:43
  else
• 21:44
  like
• 21:44
  that.
• 21:44
  And
• 21:44
  that
• 21:44
  can
• 21:45
  lead
• 21:45
  to
• 21:45
  burning
• 21:45
  some
• 21:45
  bridges.
• 21:48
  One
• 21:48
  of
• 21:49
  these
• 21:49
  things
• 21:49
  was
• 21:49
  a
• 21:50
  show
• 21:51
  that
• 21:51
  was
• 21:51
  led
• 21:51
  by
• 21:51
  a
• 21:52
  director.
• 21:54
  I'm
• 21:54
  going
• 21:54
  to
• 21:54
  leave
• 21:55
  names
• 21:55
  and
• 21:55
  titles
• 21:55
  out
• 21:56
  of
• 21:56
  this.
• 21:58
  A
• 21:59
  director
• 21:59
  who
• 22:00
  had
• 22:00
  been
• 22:01
  working
• 22:01
  in,
• 22:02
  I
• 22:02
  think,
• 22:02
  the
• 22:02
  downtown
• 22:03
  experimental
• 22:03
  theater
• 22:03
  scene
• 22:04
  for
• 22:04
  a
• 22:04
  long
• 22:04
  time.
• 22:05
  And
• 22:08
  it
• 22:08
  was
• 22:08
  his
• 22:08
  play.
• 22:09
  He
• 22:09
  was
• 22:09
  directing
• 22:10
  it.
• 22:10
  And
• 22:10
  I
• 22:11
  think
• 22:11
  he'd
• 22:11
  been
• 22:11
  directing
• 22:12
  the
• 22:12
  same
• 22:12
  play
• 22:12
  in
• 22:12
  different
• 22:13
  ways,
• 22:13
  like
• 22:13
  for
• 22:13
  years
• 22:14
  and
• 22:14
  years,
• 22:14
  and
• 22:14
  just
• 22:14
  swapping
• 22:15
  in
• 22:15
  different
• 22:15
  actors.
• 22:17
  And
• 22:20
  there's
• 22:20
  a
• 22:20
  scene
• 22:21
  where
• 22:23
  someone
• 22:23
  has
• 22:23
  to
• 22:24
  expose
• 22:24
  their
• 22:24
  breast.
• 22:26
  And
• 22:26
  without
• 22:27
  any
• 22:27
  pre
• 22:28
  conversation
• 22:28
  or
• 22:29
  warning,
• 22:29
  he
• 22:30
  started
• 22:30
  yelling
• 22:30
  at
• 22:31
  the
• 22:31
  actress
• 22:31
  to
• 22:31
  expose
• 22:32
  her
• 22:32
  breast.
• 22:32
  One
• 22:32
  rehearsal,
• 22:33
  because
• 22:34
  she
• 22:34
  had
• 22:34
  to
• 22:34
  do
• 22:34
  it
• 22:35
  in
• 22:35
  this
• 22:35
  production.
• 22:35
  And,
• 22:36
  you
• 22:36
  know,
• 22:36
  she
• 22:36
  can't,
• 22:37
  like,
• 22:37
  be
• 22:37
  all
• 22:37
  fearful
• 22:38
  and
• 22:38
  blah,
• 22:38
  blah,
• 22:38
  blah.
• 22:39
  And
• 22:42
  the
• 22:42
  first
• 22:42
  response,
• 22:43
  the
• 22:43
  dominant
• 22:44
  response
• 22:44
  in
• 22:44
  the
• 22:44
  room
• 22:46
  was
• 22:47
  an
• 22:47
  actress
• 22:47
  in
• 22:47
  the
• 22:48
  cast
• 22:48
  who
• 22:48
  was
• 22:48
  a
• 22:48
  friend
• 22:48
  of
• 22:49
  the
• 22:49
  director's,
• 22:49
  maybe
• 22:50
  romantic
• 22:50
  partner
• 22:52
  that
• 22:52
  had
• 22:52
  been
• 22:52
  working
• 22:52
  with
• 22:53
  him
• 22:53
  for
• 22:53
  as
• 22:54
  long
• 22:54
  as
• 22:54
  he'd
• 22:54
  been
• 22:54
  around,
• 22:56
  who
• 22:56
  yanked
• 22:57
  down
• 22:57
  her
• 22:57
  own
• 22:58
  shirt
• 22:58
  to
• 22:58
  expose
• 22:59
  her
• 22:59
  breast,
• 22:59
  said,
• 23:00
  see,
• 23:00
  it's
• 23:00
  nothing.
• 23:00
  It's
• 23:01
  nothing.
• 23:01
  I
• 23:01
  can
• 23:01
  do
• 23:01
  it.
• 23:01
  You
• 23:02
  can
• 23:02
  do
• 23:02
  it.
• 23:07
  Fast
• 23:07
  forward
• 23:07
  to
• 23:07
  performing
• 23:08
  that
• 23:08
  a
• 23:08
  few
• 23:08
  times
• 23:08
  in
• 23:09
  New
• 23:09
  York
• 23:09
  with
• 23:10
  increasingly
• 23:12
  bizarre,
• 23:13
  just
• 23:13
  annoying
• 23:13
  behavior
• 23:14
  and
• 23:15
  some
• 23:15
  performances
• 23:16
  outside
• 23:16
  the
• 23:16
  city,
• 23:17
  like
• 23:17
  a
• 23:17
  couple
• 23:17
  performances
• 23:18
  at
• 23:19
  some
• 23:20
  town.
• 23:20
  I
• 23:21
  forget
• 23:21
  if
• 23:21
  it
• 23:21
  was
• 23:21
  Jersey
• 23:22
  or
• 23:22
  upstate.
• 23:24
  And
• 23:25
  somehow
• 23:26
  I
• 23:26
  ended
• 23:26
  up
• 23:26
  driving
• 23:26
  most
• 23:27
  of
• 23:27
  the
• 23:27
  cast.
• 23:28
  The
• 23:28
  director
• 23:29
  and
• 23:30
  his
• 23:30
  friend
• 23:30
  in
• 23:30
  the
• 23:31
  cast
• 23:31
  was
• 23:31
  already
• 23:31
  up
• 23:32
  there.
• 23:33
  And
• 23:33
  I
• 23:33
  think
• 23:34
  somebody
• 23:34
  took
• 23:34
  the
• 23:34
  train
• 23:34
  out.
• 23:35
  But
• 23:35
  driving
• 23:35
  out
• 23:36
  there,
• 23:37
  things
• 23:37
  just
• 23:37
  kind
• 23:37
  of
• 23:37
  came
• 23:37
  up
• 23:38
  in
• 23:38
  conversation
• 23:38
  where
• 23:39
  I
• 23:39
  realized
• 23:39
  everybody
• 23:40
  in
• 23:40
  this
• 23:40
  room
• 23:40
  has
• 23:41
  been
• 23:41
  really
• 23:41
  just
• 23:41
  fucking
• 23:42
  hating
• 23:42
  this
• 23:42
  process
• 23:44
  and
• 23:44
  agrees
• 23:45
  that
• 23:45
  is
• 23:45
  fucking
• 23:46
  horrible
• 23:46
  and
• 23:46
  hurtful
• 23:47
  and
• 23:47
  blah,
• 23:47
  blah,
• 23:47
  blah,
• 23:48
  blah,
• 23:48
  blah.
• 23:49
  And
• 23:52
  somebody
• 23:53
  suggested
• 23:55
  it
• 23:55
  might
• 23:55
  have
• 23:55
  been
• 23:56
  me.
• 23:56
  I
• 23:57
  don't
• 23:57
  remember.
• 23:57
  I
• 23:57
  honestly
• 23:58
  don't
• 23:58
  remember
• 23:59
  that.
• 24:00
  Maybe
• 24:00
  we
• 24:00
  should
• 24:00
  just
• 24:00
  turn
• 24:00
  around.
• 24:02
  I
• 24:02
  remember
• 24:02
  I
• 24:03
  asked,
• 24:03
  does
• 24:03
  everybody
• 24:04
  want
• 24:04
  me
• 24:04
  to?
• 24:04
  And
• 24:05
  they
• 24:05
  all
• 24:05
  said,
• 24:05
  yeah,
• 24:06
  just
• 24:06
  fucking
• 24:06
  do
• 24:06
  it.
• 24:06
  Just
• 24:07
  fucking
• 24:07
  do
• 24:07
  it.
• 24:09
  And
• 24:09
  so
• 24:10
  I
• 24:10
  did.
• 24:12
  I
• 24:12
  turned
• 24:12
  around
• 24:12
  the
• 24:13
  car,
• 24:15
  and
• 24:15
  I
• 24:16
  think
• 24:16
  it
• 24:16
  started
• 24:16
  to
• 24:16
  dawn
• 24:17
  on
• 24:17
  people
• 24:17
  Just
• 24:17
  what
• 24:17
  we
• 24:18
  had
• 24:18
  done
• 24:18
  as
• 24:18
  we
• 24:18
  were
• 24:18
  going
• 24:18
  back,
• 24:19
  but
• 24:19
  nobody
• 24:19
  suggested
• 24:21
  actually
• 24:21
  going.
• 24:23
  And
• 24:24
  I
• 24:24
  remember
• 24:24
  seeing
• 24:26
  a
• 24:27
  former
• 24:27
  friend
• 24:27
  of
• 24:27
  mine
• 24:28
  who
• 24:28
  was
• 24:28
  also
• 24:28
  an
• 24:28
  actor,
• 24:29
  like
• 24:29
  that
• 24:29
  night
• 24:30
  at
• 24:30
  some
• 24:30
  gathering
• 24:31
  that
• 24:31
  I
• 24:31
  joined,
• 24:32
  and
• 24:32
  he
• 24:32
  heard
• 24:33
  what
• 24:33
  I
• 24:33
  said.
• 24:33
  He
• 24:33
  was
• 24:33
  like,
• 24:34
  you
• 24:34
  did
• 24:34
  that?
• 24:37
  And
• 24:40
  in
• 24:41
  the,
• 24:41
  you
• 24:42
  know,
• 24:42
  hours
• 24:44
  that
• 24:45
  followed
• 24:45
  into
• 24:46
  the
• 24:46
  next
• 24:46
  day's
• 24:47
  performance,
• 24:47
  which
• 24:48
  we
• 24:48
  did
• 24:48
  not
• 24:48
  go
• 24:48
  out
• 24:49
  for,
• 24:51
  we
• 24:52
  communicated
• 24:52
  to
• 24:55
  the
• 24:55
  director
• 24:55
  that
• 24:56
  we
• 24:56
  weren't
• 24:56
  coming.
• 24:59
  He
• 25:01
  wrote
• 25:01
  in
• 25:02
  very
• 25:03
  straightforward
• 25:04
  terms,
• 25:04
  like,
• 25:06
  I'm
• 25:06
  going
• 25:06
  to
• 25:06
  have
• 25:06
  to
• 25:07
  refund
• 25:07
  all
• 25:07
  the
• 25:07
  tickets.
• 25:08
  I'm
• 25:08
  going
• 25:08
  to
• 25:09
  lose
• 25:09
  the
• 25:09
  rental
• 25:09
  on
• 25:10
  this
• 25:10
  theater.
• 25:11
  Are
• 25:11
  you
• 25:11
  sure
• 25:11
  you
• 25:11
  won't
• 25:12
  come
• 25:12
  out
• 25:12
  for
• 25:12
  tomorrow?
• 25:13
  And
• 25:13
  we
• 25:14
  said
• 25:14
  no.
• 25:16
  And
• 25:17
  I'm
• 25:18
  pretty
• 25:18
  sure
• 25:18
  I
• 25:18
  carried
• 25:18
  the
• 25:19
  shame
• 25:19
  of
• 25:19
  that
• 25:19
  and
• 25:19
  the
• 25:19
  guilt
• 25:20
  around
• 25:20
  that.
• 25:20
  Even
• 25:20
  though
• 25:20
  I
• 25:21
  wasn't
• 25:21
  willing
• 25:21
  to
• 25:21
  admit
• 25:21
  that
• 25:22
  I
• 25:22
  was
• 25:22
  wrong
• 25:23
  and
• 25:23
  fully
• 25:23
  wrong
• 25:24
  in
• 25:24
  that,
• 25:24
  which
• 25:24
  I
• 25:25
  was.
• 25:26
  I
• 25:26
  made
• 25:26
  a
• 25:26
  commitment
• 25:26
  and
• 25:27
  I
• 25:27
  backed
• 25:27
  away
• 25:27
  from
• 25:27
  it.
• 25:28
  It
• 25:28
  impacted
• 25:29
  other
• 25:29
  people.
• 25:30
  And
• 25:31
  the
• 25:32
  perception
• 25:32
  of
• 25:32
  righteousness
• 25:33
  that
• 25:33
  I
• 25:33
  held
• 25:37
  was
• 25:37
  not.
• 25:39
  Was
• 25:40
  not
• 25:40
  an
• 25:40
  excuse
• 25:40
  for
• 25:41
  behaving
• 25:42
  rashly
• 25:43
  and
• 25:43
  irresponsibly.
• 25:48
  Now,
• 25:48
  I
• 25:49
  stepped
• 25:49
  away
• 25:49
  from
• 25:49
  acting
• 25:50
  for
• 25:50
  a
• 25:50
  bunch
• 25:50
  of
• 25:50
  reasons.
• 25:51
  Maybe
• 25:51
  one
• 25:51
  of
• 25:51
  these
• 25:51
  episodes
• 25:51
  I'll
• 25:52
  get
• 25:52
  into
• 25:52
  them,
• 25:52
  but
• 25:52
  that's
• 25:52
  not
• 25:52
  what
• 25:53
  this
• 25:53
  is.
• 25:56
  This
• 25:56
  is
• 25:58
  moving
• 26:00
  from
• 26:00
  the
• 26:00
  noble
• 26:01
  warrior
• 26:02
  idea
• 26:03
  into
• 26:04
  accepting
• 26:05
  it's
• 26:05
  more
• 26:05
  of
• 26:06
  a
• 26:06
  self
• 26:06
  aggrandizing
• 26:07
  dick
• 26:08
  move.
• 26:10
  And
• 26:11
  the
• 26:11
  crux
• 26:12
  of
• 26:12
  it
• 26:12
  is,
• 26:12
  is
• 26:12
  that
• 26:13
  the
• 26:13
  argument
• 26:14
  can
• 26:14
  be
• 26:14
  made
• 26:15
  that
• 26:15
  I
• 26:15
  just
• 26:15
  did
• 26:15
  that
• 26:15
  again.
• 26:19
  So,
• 26:21
  like,
• 26:21
  I
• 26:22
  was
• 26:23
  hoping
• 26:24
  to
• 26:24
  celebrate
• 26:24
  maybe
• 26:24
  a
• 26:25
  little
• 26:25
  bit
• 26:25
  more
• 26:25
  on
• 26:25
  this
• 26:25
  podcast
• 26:26
  before
• 26:26
  having
• 26:26
  to
• 26:26
  talk
• 26:26
  about
• 26:27
  how
• 26:27
  I
• 26:28
  just
• 26:28
  stupidly
• 26:29
  throw
• 26:29
  hand
• 26:30
  grenades
• 26:30
  in
• 26:30
  my
• 26:30
  own
• 26:30
  way.
• 26:35
  Listen
• 26:35
  to
• 26:35
  that
• 26:35
  church
• 26:36
  bell.
• 26:37
  Can
• 26:37
  you
• 26:37
  hear
• 26:37
  it?
• 26:43
  You
• 26:43
  hear
• 26:43
  how
• 26:43
  beautiful
• 26:44
  that
• 26:44
  is?
• 26:47
  Can
• 26:47
  I
• 26:47
  hear
• 26:48
  a
• 26:48
  bird
• 26:48
  song?
• 26:59
  I
• 26:59
  think
• 27:00
  the
• 27:00
  bells.
• 27:02
  And
• 27:03
  my
• 27:03
  feeling
• 27:03
  here
• 27:05
  is
• 27:05
  I
• 27:05
  can
• 27:06
  do
• 27:06
  myself
• 27:06
  kindness
• 27:08
  and
• 27:08
  eat
• 27:08
  what
• 27:09
  I
• 27:09
  did
• 27:09
  wrong
• 27:10
  and
• 27:11
  not
• 27:11
  leave
• 27:11
  it
• 27:11
  for
• 27:11
  posterity.
• 27:14
  I
• 27:14
  communicated
• 27:15
  best
• 27:15
  I
• 27:15
  could.
• 27:17
  And
• 27:17
  the
• 27:17
  fault
• 27:18
  was
• 27:18
  mine
• 27:19
  in
• 27:19
  not
• 27:19
  fully
• 27:20
  thinking
• 27:20
  through
• 27:21
  what
• 27:21
  I
• 27:21
  wanted
• 27:22
  before
• 27:23
  agreeing
• 27:23
  to
• 27:23
  do
• 27:23
  something
• 27:25
  and
• 27:25
  what
• 27:25
  I
• 27:25
  needed
• 27:26
  before
• 27:26
  I
• 27:26
  agreed
• 27:27
  to
• 27:27
  do
• 27:27
  something.
• 27:30
  But
• 27:30
  when
• 27:30
  it
• 27:30
  became
• 27:31
  very
• 27:31
  clear
• 27:32
  that
• 27:32
  I
• 27:32
  had
• 27:32
  miscalculated
• 27:33
  and
• 27:33
  misjudged,
• 27:34
  I
• 27:34
  explored
• 27:36
  what
• 27:36
  could
• 27:37
  make
• 27:37
  it
• 27:37
  possible
• 27:38
  if
• 27:38
  that
• 27:38
  was
• 27:38
  a
• 27:39
  thing.
• 27:40
  And
• 27:41
  it
• 27:41
  was
• 27:41
  not.
• 27:42
  And
• 27:42
  I
• 27:43
  proactively
• 27:43
  said,
• 27:43
  I
• 27:44
  can't
• 27:44
  do
• 27:44
  this.
• 27:46
  Let
• 27:46
  me
• 27:46
  try
• 27:46
  to
• 27:46
  find
• 27:46
  a
• 27:47
  replacement.
• 27:49
  And
• 27:50
  of
• 27:50
  course
• 27:50
  there
• 27:50
  was
• 27:50
  frustration.
• 27:51
  And
• 27:51
  I
• 27:52
  had.
• 27:54
  I
• 27:54
  had
• 27:55
  accepted
• 27:55
  to
• 27:56
  do
• 27:56
  this
• 27:56
  based
• 27:56
  on
• 27:57
  having
• 27:57
  been
• 27:57
  recommended
• 27:58
  by
• 27:58
  a
• 27:58
  friend,
• 27:59
  a
• 28:00
  new
• 28:00
  friend,
• 28:02
  who
• 28:03
  does
• 28:03
  not
• 28:03
  know
• 28:03
  me,
• 28:04
  but
• 28:04
  knows
• 28:04
  me
• 28:04
  professionally.
• 28:06
  And
• 28:07
  it
• 28:07
  reflected
• 28:07
  badly
• 28:08
  on
• 28:08
  that
• 28:08
  recommendation,
• 28:09
  reflected
• 28:10
  badly
• 28:10
  on
• 28:10
  that
• 28:10
  friend.
• 28:11
  That
• 28:12
  friend
• 28:12
  called
• 28:12
  me
• 28:12
  unprofessional.
• 28:15
  And
• 28:16
  I
• 28:16
  can
• 28:16
  understand
• 28:16
  why.
• 28:20
  The
• 28:20
  thing
• 28:20
  of
• 28:20
  it
• 28:20
  is.
• 28:24
  It
• 28:25
  was
• 28:25
  a
• 28:25
  pretty.
• 28:27
  It
• 28:28
  was
• 28:28
  not
• 28:28
  something
• 28:28
  that
• 28:29
  I
• 28:29
  could
• 28:29
  make
• 28:29
  room
• 28:29
  for.
• 28:31
  Doesn't
• 28:31
  make
• 28:32
  it
• 28:32
  not
• 28:32
  important.
• 28:33
  It's
• 28:33
  very
• 28:33
  important
• 28:34
  to
• 28:34
  the
• 28:34
  people
• 28:34
  who
• 28:34
  are
• 28:34
  making
• 28:35
  it.
• 28:37
  I
• 28:37
  felt
• 28:38
  like
• 28:38
  my
• 28:38
  contribution
• 28:41
  could
• 28:41
  be
• 28:42
  contributed
• 28:42
  by
• 28:42
  any
• 28:43
  number
• 28:43
  of
• 28:43
  people
• 28:44
  and
• 28:44
  not
• 28:44
  especially
• 28:45
  me.
• 28:46
  It
• 28:46
  was
• 28:46
  a
• 28:46
  small
• 28:47
  job,
• 28:47
  but
• 28:48
  it
• 28:48
  was
• 28:48
  all
• 28:48
  important
• 28:48
  to
• 28:48
  this
• 28:49
  project.
• 28:51
  And
• 28:52
  I
• 28:52
  said
• 28:52
  I
• 28:52
  could
• 28:52
  do
• 28:52
  it
• 28:53
  without
• 28:53
  really
• 28:53
  thinking
• 28:54
  about,
• 28:55
  oh
• 28:55
  my
• 28:55
  God,
• 28:55
  I'm
• 28:55
  going
• 28:56
  to
• 28:56
  have
• 28:56
  to
• 28:56
  dedicate
• 28:57
  half
• 28:57
  a
• 28:57
  day
• 28:58
  because
• 28:58
  this
• 28:58
  is
• 28:58
  way
• 28:59
  out
• 28:59
  of
• 29:00
  the
• 29:00
  city.
• 29:01
  I
• 29:01
  would
• 29:01
  have
• 29:02
  to
• 29:02
  take
• 29:02
  a
• 29:02
  half
• 29:02
  day
• 29:02
  vacation.
• 29:04
  I
• 29:04
  would
• 29:05
  have
• 29:05
  to
• 29:05
  postpone
• 29:06
  doing
• 29:06
  work
• 29:06
  on
• 29:06
  the
• 29:06
  company
• 29:07
  and
• 29:07
  mapping
• 29:08
  all
• 29:08
  these
• 29:08
  things
• 29:09
  to
• 29:09
  build
• 29:09
  the
• 29:09
  thing
• 29:10
  I
• 29:10
  need
• 29:10
  to
• 29:10
  build.
• 29:12
  I
• 29:12
  have
• 29:12
  to
• 29:12
  make
• 29:12
  time
• 29:13
  for
• 29:13
  this.
• 29:13
  I
• 29:13
  have
• 29:13
  to
• 29:14
  be
• 29:14
  committed
• 29:14
  to
• 29:14
  it.
• 29:15
  I
• 29:15
  have
• 29:15
  to
• 29:15
  do
• 29:15
  it
• 29:16
  right.
• 29:18
  None
• 29:19
  of
• 29:19
  which
• 29:19
  I
• 29:19
  was
• 29:19
  able
• 29:20
  to
• 29:20
  actually
• 29:21
  in
• 29:21
  good
• 29:21
  faith
• 29:22
  say,
• 29:22
  yes,
• 29:22
  I'm
• 29:23
  willing
• 29:23
  to
• 29:23
  do
• 29:23
  this.
• 29:24
  Yes,
• 29:24
  I
• 29:24
  want
• 29:25
  to
• 29:25
  postpone
• 29:25
  doing
• 29:26
  X
• 29:26
  because
• 29:26
  Y
• 29:28
  has
• 29:28
  value,
• 29:29
  has
• 29:30
  blah,
• 29:31
  blah,
• 29:31
  blah.
• 29:31
  Really.
• 29:31
  I
• 29:32
  just
• 29:32
  got
• 29:32
  enamored
• 29:32
  that
• 29:32
  I
• 29:33
  got
• 29:33
  recommended
• 29:33
  by
• 29:33
  somebody
• 29:34
  who
• 29:34
  I
• 29:34
  respect
• 29:36
  and
• 29:37
  I
• 29:38
  didn't
• 29:38
  actually
• 29:39
  have
• 29:39
  the
• 29:40
  capacity
• 29:41
  that
• 29:41
  I
• 29:42
  thought
• 29:42
  I
• 29:42
  did.
• 29:42
  When
• 29:42
  I
• 29:43
  said
• 29:43
  yes,
• 29:45
  I
• 29:45
  had
• 29:45
  an
• 29:45
  evolved
• 29:45
  conversation
• 29:46
  with
• 29:46
  myself
• 29:48
  best
• 29:48
  I
• 29:48
  could.
• 29:49
  I
• 29:49
  tried
• 29:49
  to
• 29:49
  communicate
• 29:50
  with
• 29:50
  empathy
• 29:50
  and
• 29:50
  care
• 29:52
  and
• 29:52
  it's
• 29:52
  still
• 29:53
  just
• 29:53
  a
• 29:53
  shit
• 29:53
  thing
• 29:53
  to
• 29:53
  have
• 29:53
  somebody
• 29:54
  drop.
• 29:54
  And
• 29:55
  that's
• 29:55
  on
• 29:55
  me.
• 29:56
  That's
• 29:56
  on
• 29:56
  me.
• 30:00
  All
• 30:01
  I
• 30:01
  have
• 30:01
  is
• 30:01
  my
• 30:01
  word.
• 30:03
  And
• 30:03
  whether
• 30:03
  or
• 30:04
  not
• 30:04
  people
• 30:04
  think
• 30:04
  my
• 30:05
  word
• 30:05
  has
• 30:05
  integrity
• 30:06
  is
• 30:06
  up
• 30:06
  to
• 30:06
  me.
• 30:08
  It's
• 30:09
  on
• 30:09
  me
• 30:09
  to
• 30:09
  think
• 30:10
  through
• 30:10
  all
• 30:11
  angles
• 30:13
  and
• 30:13
  own
• 30:15
  the
• 30:15
  decisions
• 30:16
  that
• 30:16
  I
• 30:16
  make
• 30:19
  now.
• 30:20
  There's
• 30:20
  less
• 30:22
  of
• 30:22
  a
• 30:22
  chance
• 30:23
  of
• 30:23
  letting
• 30:23
  people
• 30:24
  down
• 30:25
  by
• 30:26
  thinking
• 30:27
  ahead
• 30:28
  and
• 30:28
  tuning
• 30:29
  into
• 30:29
  words
• 30:33
  that
• 30:33
  feel
• 30:33
  true,
• 30:35
  that
• 30:35
  feel
• 30:36
  like
• 30:36
  I'm
• 30:37
  adequately
• 30:37
  expressing
• 30:38
  my
• 30:38
  wants
• 30:38
  and
• 30:39
  needs
• 30:39
  in
• 30:39
  this
• 30:39
  moment.
• 30:40
  If
• 30:41
  I
• 30:41
  had
• 30:41
  to
• 30:41
  explain
• 30:42
  to
• 30:42
  somebody
• 30:43
  else
• 30:43
  why
• 30:43
  I'm
• 30:43
  spending
• 30:44
  my
• 30:44
  time
• 30:44
  with
• 30:44
  this,
• 30:44
  it
• 30:45
  would
• 30:45
  be
• 30:45
  a
• 30:45
  no
• 30:45
  brainer.
• 30:47
  That's
• 30:47
  on
• 30:48
  me.
• 30:50
  Not
• 30:50
  everybody
• 30:51
  needs
• 30:51
  a
• 30:51
  yes.
• 30:52
  It's
• 30:53
  better
• 30:53
  to
• 30:53
  say
• 30:53
  no
• 30:54
  up
• 30:54
  front
• 30:57
  than
• 30:57
  say
• 30:57
  yes
• 30:57
  and
• 30:57
  have
• 30:58
  to
• 30:58
  walk
• 30:58
  it
• 30:58
  back.
• 31:01
  It's
• 31:02
  better
• 31:02
  to
• 31:02
  say
• 31:02
  no,
• 31:03
  I
• 31:04
  don't
• 31:04
  have
• 31:04
  capacity
• 31:05
  for
• 31:05
  this.
• 31:06
  It
• 31:06
  treats
• 31:06
  them
• 31:07
  better
• 31:09
  and
• 31:09
  it
• 31:09
  builds
• 31:10
  integrity.
• 31:16
  So
• 31:18
  we
• 31:19
  have
• 31:19
  that.
• 31:21
  We
• 31:21
  have
• 31:21
  that.
• 31:22
  All
• 31:22
  I
• 31:22
  have
• 31:22
  is
• 31:22
  myself
• 31:23
  and
• 31:23
  showing
• 31:23
  people
• 31:23
  who
• 31:24
  I
• 31:24
  am,
• 31:24
  what
• 31:24
  my
• 31:25
  word
• 31:25
  stands
• 31:25
  for,
• 31:25
  what,
• 31:26
  what
• 31:26
  I'm
• 31:26
  capable
• 31:26
  of
• 31:27
  through
• 31:27
  this
• 31:28
  show,
• 31:28
  through
• 31:28
  the
• 31:28
  art
• 31:29
  of
• 31:29
  making
• 31:29
  whatever.
• 31:30
  All
• 31:30
  I
• 31:31
  have
• 31:31
  is
• 31:31
  me.
• 31:31
  And
• 31:31
  what
• 31:32
  me
• 31:32
  is,
• 31:33
  what
• 31:33
  I
• 31:33
  am
• 31:34
  is
• 31:35
  based
• 31:35
  on
• 31:36
  how
• 31:36
  I
• 31:36
  show
• 31:36
  up
• 31:37
  and
• 31:37
  what
• 31:37
  I
• 31:37
  do.
• 31:38
  It's
• 31:39
  that
• 31:39
  simple.
• 31:41
  My
• 31:42
  hope
• 31:42
  is
• 31:42
  I
• 31:42
  can
• 31:43
  build
• 31:43
  trust
• 31:44
  and
• 31:44
  respect
• 31:45
  and
• 31:45
  understanding
• 31:46
  through
• 31:47
  how
• 31:47
  I
• 31:47
  move
• 31:47
  forward
• 31:49
  with
• 31:49
  the
• 31:49
  people
• 31:49
  impacted
• 31:50
  by
• 31:50
  what
• 31:51
  I
• 31:51
  had
• 31:51
  to
• 31:51
  decide
• 31:52
  and
• 31:52
  walk
• 31:52
  back.
• 31:54
  My
• 31:54
  Hope
• 31:54
  is
• 31:55
  that
• 31:55
  in
• 31:55
  time,
• 31:55
  I
• 31:55
  can
• 31:56
  make
• 31:56
  it
• 31:56
  up
• 31:56
  to
• 31:56
  them,
• 31:56
  where
• 31:57
  maybe
• 31:57
  even
• 31:57
  they
• 31:57
  become,
• 31:59
  if
• 32:00
  not
• 32:00
  collaborators,
• 32:02
  at
• 32:02
  least
• 32:03
  respected
• 32:03
  colleagues,
• 32:04
  mutually
• 32:05
  respected
• 32:05
  colleagues.
• 32:08
  Fellow
• 32:09
  humans
• 32:09
  on
• 32:09
  Earth
• 32:09
  that
• 32:10
  bear
• 32:10
  no
• 32:10
  ill
• 32:10
  will.
• 32:12
  I
• 32:12
  hope
• 32:12
  that's
• 32:13
  there.
• 32:14
  I
• 32:14
  do
• 32:15
  have
• 32:15
  people
• 32:15
  that
• 32:15
  don't
• 32:16
  like
• 32:16
  me
• 32:18
  and.
• 32:21
  And
• 32:21
  I
• 32:22
  understand
• 32:22
  why
• 32:23
  I'm
• 32:23
  a
• 32:23
  unique
• 32:24
  ice
• 32:24
  cream
• 32:24
  flavor.
• 32:27
  Now,
• 32:28
  for
• 32:28
  all
• 32:28
  this
• 32:28
  importance
• 32:29
  of
• 32:29
  thinking
• 32:30
  ahead
• 32:31
  and
• 32:32
  planning
• 32:33
  for
• 32:33
  all
• 32:34
  outcomes,
• 32:35
  I
• 32:35
  simultaneously
• 32:36
  want
• 32:36
  to
• 32:36
  be
• 32:36
  the
• 32:37
  fool.
• 32:38
  I
• 32:39
  want
• 32:39
  to
• 32:39
  be
• 32:39
  that
• 32:40
  curious
• 32:41
  artist
• 32:43
  child
• 32:46
  that
• 32:46
  I've
• 32:46
  always
• 32:46
  wanted
• 32:47
  to
• 32:47
  be
• 32:50
  underneath
• 32:50
  the
• 32:50
  giant's
• 32:51
  foot.
• 32:54
  I
• 32:55
  want
• 32:55
  to
• 32:56
  walk
• 32:56
  freely
• 32:56
  in
• 32:56
  this
• 32:57
  world
• 32:57
  and
• 32:57
  discover
• 32:58
  and
• 32:58
  not
• 32:59
  have
• 32:59
  to
• 32:59
  plan
• 32:59
  every
• 33:00
  last
• 33:00
  thing
• 33:00
  out.
• 33:02
  So
• 33:02
  selectively,
• 33:05
  I
• 33:05
  guess.
• 33:06
  No,
• 33:06
  it's
• 33:06
  less
• 33:07
  selectively.
• 33:07
  It's
• 33:08
  more
• 33:08
  about
• 33:08
  case
• 33:09
  dependent.
• 33:09
  If
• 33:10
  a
• 33:10
  decision.
• 33:10
  If
• 33:10
  a
• 33:10
  true
• 33:11
  decision
• 33:11
  is
• 33:11
  warranted
• 33:12
  ground
• 33:12
  in
• 33:13
  do
• 33:13
  the
• 33:13
  work.
• 33:14
  Otherwise,
• 33:15
  discover.
• 33:16
  Discover
• 33:16
  new
• 33:17
  possibilities
• 33:18
  while
• 33:18
  strolling,
• 33:19
  skipping
• 33:20
  maybe.
• 33:22
  I
• 33:22
  learned
• 33:22
  this
• 33:22
  thing
• 33:23
  during
• 33:23
  the
• 33:23
  Growl
• 33:23
  Honey
• 33:25
  live
• 33:25
  concert.
• 33:27
  It
• 33:27
  came
• 33:28
  about,
• 33:29
  and
• 33:29
  I
• 33:29
  guess
• 33:29
  I
• 33:29
  kind
• 33:29
  of
• 33:30
  zigzagged
• 33:30
  away
• 33:30
  from
• 33:30
  this
• 33:31
  earlier,
• 33:31
  so
• 33:31
  it's
• 33:31
  perfect
• 33:32
  to
• 33:32
  come
• 33:32
  back
• 33:32
  to.
• 33:34
  Yonder
• 33:34
  Lies
• 33:34
  was
• 33:35
  released
• 33:35
  when
• 33:36
  I
• 33:36
  was
• 33:37
  not
• 33:38
  able
• 33:38
  to
• 33:38
  promote
• 33:38
  it,
• 33:39
  but
• 33:40
  it's
• 33:40
  something
• 33:40
  I'm
• 33:40
  proud
• 33:40
  of.
• 33:42
  This
• 33:42
  album,
• 33:43
  Yonder
• 33:43
  Lives
• 33:43
  by
• 33:44
  Growl
• 33:44
  Honey,
• 33:46
  because
• 33:47
  it's
• 33:47
  me.
• 33:48
  I
• 33:49
  gave
• 33:49
  my
• 33:49
  all
• 33:49
  to
• 33:49
  it.
• 33:51
  So
• 33:51
  I
• 33:51
  finally
• 33:51
  put
• 33:52
  it
• 33:52
  up
• 33:52
  on
• 33:52
  Bandcamp.
• 33:55
  Big
• 33:55
  step.
• 33:55
  I
• 33:55
  know
• 33:55
  it's
• 33:56
  been
• 33:56
  on
• 33:56
  Spotify
• 33:56
  and
• 33:56
  Apple
• 33:57
  forever,
• 33:57
  but,
• 33:57
  like,
• 33:57
  I
• 33:58
  put
• 33:58
  it
• 33:58
  on
• 33:58
  Bandcamp,
• 33:59
  which
• 33:59
  is
• 33:59
  how
• 33:59
  bands
• 34:00
  discover
• 34:00
  other
• 34:00
  bands.
• 34:01
  When
• 34:01
  I
• 34:01
  see
• 34:01
  gig
• 34:01
  listings,
• 34:02
  I
• 34:02
  go
• 34:02
  to
• 34:02
  Bandcamp,
• 34:05
  and
• 34:05
  hey,
• 34:06
  Bandcamp,
• 34:06
  throw
• 34:06
  some
• 34:06
  bucks
• 34:07
  at
• 34:07
  me.
• 34:07
  I'll
• 34:08
  talk
• 34:08
  about
• 34:08
  you
• 34:08
  all
• 34:08
  the
• 34:08
  time,
• 34:08
  baby.
• 34:09
  Hot
• 34:10
  self.
• 34:13
  I
• 34:16
  don't
• 34:16
  know
• 34:16
  why
• 34:16
  Sometimes
• 34:17
  the
• 34:17
  simplest
• 34:18
  things
• 34:18
  take
• 34:18
  me
• 34:18
  forever,
• 34:19
  but
• 34:20
  they
• 34:20
  do.
• 34:21
  I'm
• 34:21
  working
• 34:21
  to
• 34:22
  do
• 34:22
  better.
• 34:23
  But
• 34:23
  I
• 34:23
  put
• 34:24
  on
• 34:24
  Bandcamp
• 34:26
  after
• 34:26
  playing
• 34:26
  at
• 34:26
  Naked
• 34:27
  Angels,
• 34:27
  which
• 34:27
  went
• 34:27
  beautifully,
• 34:30
  and
• 34:31
  there
• 34:31
  might
• 34:32
  be
• 34:32
  a
• 34:32
  video
• 34:32
  about
• 34:32
  it.
• 34:33
  There
• 34:33
  might
• 34:33
  be
• 34:33
  a
• 34:33
  video
• 34:33
  of
• 34:34
  it.
• 34:34
  Just
• 34:34
  maybe.
• 34:39
  I
• 34:39
  decided
• 34:39
  now's
• 34:40
  the
• 34:40
  time.
• 34:40
  I
• 34:40
  have
• 34:41
  a
• 34:41
  community
• 34:41
  that.
• 34:44
  I
• 34:44
  have
• 34:44
  a
• 34:44
  community
• 34:45
  that
• 34:46
  values
• 34:46
  my
• 34:46
  art
• 34:47
  and
• 34:47
  what
• 34:47
  I'm
• 34:47
  doing.
• 34:48
  Let
• 34:48
  me
• 34:48
  tell
• 34:49
  them
• 34:49
  about
• 34:49
  my
• 34:49
  art.
• 34:49
  Let
• 34:50
  me
• 34:50
  promote
• 34:50
  my
• 34:50
  art
• 34:51
  to
• 34:51
  the
• 34:51
  people
• 34:51
  who
• 34:52
  want
• 34:52
  to
• 34:52
  see
• 34:52
  my
• 34:52
  art.
• 34:54
  And
• 34:54
  so
• 34:54
  I
• 34:54
  decided
• 34:55
  when
• 34:56
  I
• 34:56
  saw
• 34:56
  the
• 34:56
  option
• 34:57
  for
• 34:57
  schedule
• 34:57
  a
• 34:57
  listening
• 34:58
  party
• 34:58
  on
• 34:59
  Bandcamp,
• 34:59
  I
• 34:59
  was
• 34:59
  like,
• 35:00
  sure,
• 35:00
  why
• 35:00
  not?
• 35:01
  And
• 35:01
  then
• 35:01
  I
• 35:01
  started
• 35:02
  poking
• 35:02
  fun
• 35:02
  at
• 35:02
  it
• 35:03
  just
• 35:03
  a
• 35:04
  little
• 35:04
  bit,
• 35:04
  like,
• 35:04
  hey,
• 35:05
  I'm
• 35:05
  living
• 35:05
  a
• 35:05
  listening
• 35:05
  party,
• 35:06
  you
• 35:06
  know,
• 35:06
  this
• 35:06
  Sunday.
• 35:06
  Hey,
• 35:07
  let
• 35:07
  me
• 35:07
  start
• 35:07
  a
• 35:07
  party
• 35:07
  full,
• 35:08
  you
• 35:08
  know,
• 35:08
  let
• 35:08
  me
• 35:08
  do
• 35:08
  this.
• 35:10
  And
• 35:10
  pretty
• 35:10
  soon
• 35:10
  it
• 35:10
  was
• 35:10
  like,
• 35:11
  oh,
• 35:11
  people
• 35:11
  think
• 35:11
  this
• 35:11
  is
• 35:12
  a
• 35:12
  thing.
• 35:13
  Like,
• 35:13
  I
• 35:13
  did
• 35:13
  so
• 35:14
  much
• 35:15
  of
• 35:15
  the
• 35:15
  hyping,
• 35:16
  it
• 35:16
  became
• 35:16
  a
• 35:16
  thing.
• 35:17
  Now
• 35:17
  I
• 35:17
  have
• 35:17
  to
• 35:17
  Do
• 35:17
  a
• 35:17
  thing.
• 35:18
  So
• 35:18
  I
• 35:19
  was
• 35:19
  talking
• 35:19
  to
• 35:19
  some
• 35:20
  friends
• 35:20
  at
• 35:20
  that
• 35:21
  get
• 35:21
  together
• 35:22
  about
• 35:22
  what
• 35:22
  would
• 35:23
  make
• 35:23
  it.
• 35:23
  What
• 35:23
  I
• 35:24
  was
• 35:24
  thinking,
• 35:24
  you
• 35:24
  know,
• 35:24
  listen
• 35:25
  to
• 35:25
  the
• 35:25
  album,
• 35:27
  listen
• 35:27
  through
• 35:28
  the
• 35:28
  album,
• 35:28
  you
• 35:28
  know,
• 35:28
  like,
• 35:29
  talk
• 35:29
  about,
• 35:29
  like,
• 35:29
  what
• 35:30
  went
• 35:30
  into
• 35:30
  making
• 35:30
  it.
• 35:30
  Like,
• 35:31
  all
• 35:31
  this
• 35:31
  stuff,
• 35:31
  and
• 35:32
  they
• 35:32
  just
• 35:32
  kind
• 35:32
  of
• 35:32
  seem
• 35:33
  a
• 35:33
  little
• 35:33
  glazed
• 35:33
  over.
• 35:34
  Like,
• 35:34
  oh,
• 35:34
  I
• 35:34
  thought
• 35:35
  you
• 35:35
  were
• 35:35
  gonna
• 35:35
  play.
• 35:35
  I
• 35:36
  thought
• 35:36
  you
• 35:36
  were
• 35:36
  gonna
• 35:36
  play.
• 35:37
  I
• 35:37
  was
• 35:38
  like,
• 35:38
  well,
• 35:39
  let's
• 35:39
  walk
• 35:39
  this
• 35:39
  back.
• 35:39
  What
• 35:40
  would
• 35:40
  make
• 35:40
  it
• 35:40
  worth
• 35:40
  it
• 35:40
  to
• 35:40
  you
• 35:41
  to
• 35:41
  watch?
• 35:41
  It's
• 35:41
  like,
• 35:42
  well,
• 35:42
  yeah,
• 35:42
  I
• 35:42
  mean,
• 35:42
  I
• 35:42
  thought
• 35:43
  I
• 35:43
  was
• 35:43
  gonna
• 35:43
  see
• 35:43
  you
• 35:43
  play.
• 35:43
  I'm
• 35:43
  like,
• 35:43
  all
• 35:44
  right.
• 35:44
  Well,
• 35:44
  that's
• 35:44
  actually
• 35:44
  easier.
• 35:45
  So
• 35:45
  I'll
• 35:45
  just
• 35:45
  tell
• 35:46
  people,
• 35:46
  like,
• 35:46
  hey,
• 35:46
  download
• 35:47
  the
• 35:47
  album,
• 35:47
  like,
• 35:48
  on
• 35:48
  Bandcamp.
• 35:48
  Because
• 35:49
  most
• 35:49
  of
• 35:49
  the
• 35:49
  proceeds,
• 35:49
  like,
• 35:50
  go
• 35:50
  to
• 35:50
  the
• 35:50
  artist
• 35:50
  from
• 35:50
  Bandcamp.
• 35:51
  Bandcamp.
• 35:52
  Hey,
• 35:52
  baby,
• 35:53
  baby,
• 35:54
  call
• 35:54
  me
• 35:55
  when
• 35:55
  you
• 35:55
  get
• 35:55
  this,
• 35:55
  okay?
• 35:56
  Bandcamp.
• 35:58
  Call
• 35:58
  me.
• 35:59
  So
• 36:00
  let
• 36:00
  me
• 36:01
  just
• 36:01
  do
• 36:01
  that.
• 36:01
  Let
• 36:01
  me
• 36:01
  tell
• 36:02
  people
• 36:03
  to
• 36:04
  stream
• 36:04
  the
• 36:04
  album,
• 36:05
  buy
• 36:06
  the
• 36:06
  album.
• 36:07
  But,
• 36:07
  like,
• 36:07
  I'm
• 36:08
  gonna
• 36:08
  give
• 36:08
  you
• 36:08
  a
• 36:08
  once
• 36:10
  and
• 36:10
  done
• 36:11
  show.
• 36:12
  Something
• 36:12
  that
• 36:12
  will
• 36:12
  never
• 36:12
  be
• 36:13
  the
• 36:13
  same
• 36:13
  again
• 36:13
  because
• 36:13
  all
• 36:14
  these
• 36:14
  new
• 36:14
  songs
• 36:14
  are
• 36:14
  in
• 36:15
  flux.
• 36:15
  Tell
• 36:16
  you
• 36:16
  about
• 36:16
  life,
• 36:16
  tell
• 36:17
  you
• 36:17
  about,
• 36:17
  like,
• 36:17
  what
• 36:18
  went
• 36:18
  into
• 36:18
  these
• 36:18
  songs,
• 36:18
  what
• 36:19
  was
• 36:19
  happening
• 36:19
  for
• 36:19
  these
• 36:19
  songs
• 36:20
  since
• 36:20
  these
• 36:20
  songs,
• 36:20
  what
• 36:21
  I
• 36:21
  see
• 36:21
  for
• 36:21
  the
• 36:21
  full
• 36:21
  album
• 36:22
  that
• 36:22
  I'm
• 36:22
  making.
• 36:24
  And
• 36:26
  it
• 36:26
  was
• 36:26
  a
• 36:26
  vibe.
• 36:27
  It
• 36:28
  was
• 36:28
  a
• 36:28
  fun
• 36:28
  vibe.
• 36:30
  And
• 36:31
  I've
• 36:31
  been
• 36:31
  thinking
• 36:31
  about
• 36:32
  how
• 36:32
  to
• 36:33
  fully
• 36:33
  embrace
• 36:34
  this
• 36:34
  voice
• 36:34
  of
• 36:34
  the
• 36:34
  company
• 36:34
  thing
• 36:35
  and
• 36:35
  really
• 36:36
  of
• 36:36
  just
• 36:36
  live
• 36:36
  streams
• 36:37
  of
• 36:37
  making
• 36:37
  art.
• 36:37
  Like,
• 36:38
  people
• 36:38
  are
• 36:38
  doing
• 36:38
  this
• 36:39
  everywhere,
• 36:39
  and
• 36:39
  I
• 36:39
  don't
• 36:40
  know
• 36:40
  why
• 36:40
  I
• 36:40
  have
• 36:40
  to
• 36:40
  go
• 36:41
  around
• 36:41
  the
• 36:42
  fucking
• 36:42
  world
• 36:43
  in
• 36:43
  reverse
• 36:44
  to.
• 36:45
  In
• 36:46
  Reversing
• 36:46
  back
• 36:46
  again.
• 36:47
  Reversing
• 36:47
  back
• 36:47
  again.
• 36:48
  Look
• 36:48
  at
• 36:48
  me.
• 36:48
  Reversing
• 36:49
  and
• 36:49
  backing
• 36:49
  again.
• 36:53
  Maybe
• 36:53
  I
• 36:53
  can
• 36:53
  just
• 36:54
  do
• 36:54
  something
• 36:54
  well,
• 36:55
  simply.
• 36:59
  And
• 36:59
  maybe
• 36:59
  that's
• 36:59
  what
• 37:00
  it
• 37:00
  is
• 37:00
  to
• 37:00
  become
• 37:00
  the
• 37:01
  fool.
• 37:05
  What
• 37:05
  a
• 37:05
  nice
• 37:06
  little
• 37:06
  bow
• 37:07
  on
• 37:07
  it.
• 37:15
  Sa.