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Wendy Valentine: Boldly Becoming- The Journey to Your True Self · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Leigh Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Every week, we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Whether they face challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Today we have Wendy Valentine.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Wendy is the host of the Midlife Makeover Show and the author of Women Waking Up the Midlife Manifesto for Passion, purpose and Play coming out September 9th.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Her podcast ranks in the top 1% globally and she is the number one midlife podcast on iTunes and Spotify, inspiring women everywhere to embrace the magic of midlife and create lives they love.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Through her transformative group coaching program, freedom at Midlife and her in-person retreats, wendy helps women kick fear to the curb, reignite their spark and wake up to what's possible, whether she's soaking up the beauty of Madeira, portugal, or cruising across the USA in her rusty motorhome.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Named Felicia, wendy lives for adventure and believes that life only gets better with age.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: And I agree.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Bold Lounge, thank you, leigh, it is good to connect with you again.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I had a pleasure having you on my podcast and it's an honor to be on yours, and I actually, I'll admit I barely slept last night because I was thinking so much about what is bold, what is it?
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: And I kept waking up and like writing notes down.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: So I am super excited to share my condensed version of what it means to be bold.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, let's just start there.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: What's your definition of bold?
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: What's it look like in your world, in?
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: my world.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Bold is not about being loud.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: It is actually about being true, and it's true to yourself, okay, and it's that quiet courage that I believe is within all of us, and it's that courage to say hey, this version of me is not the final version, I've got more to do.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Right, we're not done yet.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, we're just getting started, right?
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: So when you think about being true and having that quiet courage to do it anyway, or do it when people don't understand or may not even realize that you're at a point of wanting to change, because I think that's the most interesting part, and you and I talked about this.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: But, like when I knew I needed to make a change, like I had to go to like DEF CON five of my health being in bad shape for me to realize it which we'll get into that a little bit but I think also people didn't realize like, oh, you're rocking it, you're killing it.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Like it looks so great, you're so successful, why would you ever want to change?
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: And great, you're so successful, why would you ever want to change?
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: And this is like you don't know what's happening behind the curtain, right, right.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: So you can be misunderstood too.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes when you're making a bold move, oh, for sure.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I think we that's the thing, Like.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Like I said, we all have this quiet courage within us.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that popped in my mind in the middle of the night was I was like wait, bold is actually an adjective.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's used as a noun, it's a description, but really, when we think about bold, it's a verb.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it could be lots of things, honestly, yeah yeah, totally.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think when you're standing in your true self and your value, that is the boldest thing that you can be, and it's yourself right.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: So it's easily said, it's not easily understood and it takes time to get there.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: That's what my experience was, because it's not something you just think about on a regular basis, you know like this is something I had to get to a point for me to be forced to think about it.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: But then once I got there, I was like, wow, this is actually pretty cool, like I could be anything I want to be and I'm in charge, and I had not felt like that for a really long time.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're so right.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Right, Because it's either you can be proactive about it or you can be reactive about it, right?
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we don't have a choice and we have to end up being bold, like if we get called into our boss's office and we get fired okay, whoa hello.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: We have to be bold and do something with that, right?
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Or we get sort of a divorce papers or we get a horrible diagnosis right.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: You have to step up and be bold to react, or you be proactive and stay ahead of it and ask yourself okay, what bold step can I make today to get me to my true self, my authentic?
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: self.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Yep, just start taking the steps right.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I think that's the hardest piece.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: And I think also, when you think about being bold and understanding where you are in your life and the becoming part of it, like what am I becoming, what am I aligning with, what am I moving toward?
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: It's the steps, it's not the leaps, it's not the jumps, it's the steps right.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: So, when you think of your definition and being true to you, what's a bold moment in your life that aligns with your definition?
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: It's funny too.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: I think all of us kind of know that moment.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: You know where.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: We've had several moments where it was like hello, time to make a move.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: So seven years ago, 45 years old, I was going through a divorce, empty nest, suffering from chronic illness.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: I had Lyme disease, black mold, toxicity, menopause I'll throw that in just for fun, just for fun?
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: This is another ingredient Depression, anxiety that probably had to do with all of the above.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: And within a six week period, my dog died, my cat died and my brother died, and slowly, very, very slowly, and then eventually, very quickly, I was dying on the inside and I found myself.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, it makes me cry just to think back in that moment because I feel so, so much compassion for that little Wendy.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Little because, like that time, I was 45 years old but I felt very little.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah and yeah, and I was laying on the bathroom floor, bawling my eyes out, feeling sorry for myself, and I'm like, oh my gosh, five more years, I'm going to be 50.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: What the am I doing?
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: And to top it off, I was unemployed.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I was at least 150 grand in debt.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: So it was just like this huge mountain in front of me and I had no idea what I wanted, who I wanted to be, where I would go, what I would do, nothing.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I had not a clue, and this it's funny.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: But I had this vision.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: This it's funny.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: But I had this vision like just out of the blue.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: I had this vision.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: I was like maybe it was part of me, like I wanted to escape where I was at, or escape myself.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: And I was like you know what?
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I wish I could just get out of here and just drive an RV across the country.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: I'm like get the hell out of here.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: And I was like wait a second, how are we going to do that?
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: You have no RV, you have no money.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: You have like how am I going to do this?
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: But there was something that told me.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I was like you know what, hang on to this dream.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: There's something there Like, if I could get that, what would my life look like?
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: More importantly, what would that woman be like behind the steering wheel?
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: That that was my dream.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: It wasn't like yes, the RV was cool, taking a trip across the country and selling everything and just being liberated and free.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: It was the woman behind the wheel.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: And that's when everything completely shifted and that's when I started to ask myself that question Okay, what is one step that you can take to lead you to that woman that you truly desire to be.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: And my first step was I was like well, I better get a job, that's a good step.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: I might help buy the.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: RV.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly Right.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I was like okay, if I get a job, then right, I can start paying off this debt, I can save up some money, yeah.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes it could be men too, but primarily women get stuck right here.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I know what I am visualizing, I know, I think, how it would feel, I can see it, but I've made it way too complicated instead of like a simple thing, like step one, get a job, you know.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: So, not that that's easy, but it's simply defined.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: And I think that's where I think anxiety and all of the things that we feel when we're not moving in a direction or we're out of alignment.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I think the one thing that quells it or can lower it is action.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Right, you know it is.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Oh action.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's, that's where it's at.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: And maybe think of that quote from Neil Armstrong One small step for a man is a giant leap for mankind, right, and taking a spin on that, one small step for me is one giant leap to the true me.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: So it's like taking these tiny little steps.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: I don't think we give ourselves credit enough for the steps that we take in life, no matter if and I think you and I talked about this on my show like bold is something different for everyone and especially at different times in their lives.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: At that moment in my life, being bold was getting off of that bathroom floor, literally.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like okay, you know what, I'm going to get up brush my teeth.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: I made the bed.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I get it.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Being bold is, yeah, like not ordering the French fries.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Being bold is standing up to your bully.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Being bold is even the bully within ourselves, and I would have to say that was the biggest thing that I had to conquer within me.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: And and let me just add to, I think sometimes we think bold is something outside of ourselves.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's action, and action is like taking action, but bold is really it starts within, oh, 100%.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: You have to have the intention, you have to take the action, you have to understand kind of where you want to go, which, like earlier I said, it takes a little time, it takes some focus right On what you really, really want.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: But it's up to you.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I can't demand you to be bold, direct.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: You demand you make you bold.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Like I have no power, you have all the power like I have no power.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: You have all the power.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it really is.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: It's an inside job.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: You have to really spend some time.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: It sounds silly, but thinking about how you think, and that was what I had to do, like.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I talked to yourself, yeah.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, it's that inner voice and I believe that, like your mind, it's either your best friend or your worst enemy, your biggest cheerleader or your worst critic.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: And my goal was at that time I was like, okay, like there's a common denominator here, wendy, and I wasn't like trying to have guilt or shame, like where I was at was where I was at.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I was like, how am I going to move forward?
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: We got to start by changing my stinking thinking Right.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, okay, wendy, you've got to pay attention to how you talk to yourself, which generates the how you feel about yourself, which generates how you act and how you behave.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: And I would say the biggest thing that made a difference at that time in my life was I sat down and I journaled the woman behind that steering wheel I'll never forget.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: I sat down on the couch with my journal my abused journal at that point and I wrote out what that woman was like how did she walk into a room, how did she smile, how did she eat, how did she sleep, how did she carry herself, how did she feel on a daily basis, how did she handle conflict, everything to the detail.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: And then I called my aunt Annie.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: She was like the best sounding board on the planet and she goes darling.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: She said you've always wanted to be an actress.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: She said just start acting like her.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, I can do that.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: So I, literally every day, when I got out of bed and that was a step in itself, was I was like, okay, I literally just whoop Hi, I'm.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I'm the new Wendy.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: I'm wonder, wendy is what I would call myself and I would just start acting how I thought this strong, bold, powerful, happy, healthy woman would be and I made it a habit to just become this woman.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: And then the cool thing is it's like and it does happen Once you become her.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Then you'll look back and go, oh my God, like you don't even realize it, like you feel so true to yourself and so authentic.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: It just it's like an, a natural fit, like you're, like this is who I was all along.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: I just didn't realize it.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's required or what, but I don't know why it has to happen in our forties, Like I really.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I think for me with my book and working with my daughter is 25 years younger than me, you with your book, like I just want people to do this sooner.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying at 20, you've got to figure it out.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I just don't think you do.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I didn't, I didn't have it figured out at 48.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: You know, that's when I first started actually digging.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: And I think our, our dreams are different, our intentions are different.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, our minds are different, our bodies are different, our relationships are different.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like back then.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: You know my twenties I'm just looking for, you know, a man to marry and let's have kids and buy the house and the burbs and the cars.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: You're not.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: And then you just get busy.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: You're just, it's nothing bad, you're just in a different phase of life.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: And then I think, when all of the external quiets down the house gets quieter because the birdies are leaving the nest and our career changes or bodies are changing, then you get quiet with yourself.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: And I think that's when it's like your soul's like okay, now I have your attention, now we can talk, now we can talk Like let's do this.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, the first stop I took in my RV journey was in Santa Fe, new Mexico.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: I felt like I had done tons of therapy up to that point.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: I mean I had done it all.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: And then when I was in Santa Fe, I just was like asking myself I'm like there's something missing, I'm not getting something.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: I don't know what it is.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: It sounds crazy, but I literally just had this conversation with my soul that said, wendy, could you just get the hell out of my way?
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Like I got stuff to do.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: But that's really like we all are.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: We stand in our own way and we would love to blame our spouses and our children and our circumstances that this is what's in my way and this is why I can't do these things or be this person.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: But it's really us Like we're standing in our own way.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're the ownership piece right Of the framework, it's the agency in your life, you know, it's you realizing, you have the control to plan, to take the step, to do the thing, and you also may be talking yourself out of it with your list of what ifs we all have.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: I want to go back to what you said earlier about like if we could only figure it out earlier, right, but it made me think of.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: It's like the, the dichotomy of life, the duality of life, like you would not know light if you didn't know dark, right, like it's the opposite.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: So sometimes we have to experience a little bit of yuckiness, to feel the corny but the yumminess of life, to where you can be like okay, I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to be like this anymore, there's got to be another way.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: And then I feel like that the boldness just, really just is full force.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to take the limits off yourself, because I think I see that a lot.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: I bet you do too in your workshops and retreats that you do, and you know who the book is for.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Like, I do think sometimes we limit ourselves without seeing what's possible, like we all already talk ourselves out of something before we even try.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: And that's so sad for me to see, and it's so sad when I see someone say this is my dream job or this is what I want to do, and then they really get caught in an indecision loop or inaction is happening and it becomes a lot of friction, I think, for them, because it's like I know what I want to do but I'm not doing it and I'm really getting ticked off and now, like, I'm not really sure, is it me, is you know?
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: Is all this questioning that can flood in?
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Do you see that?
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: oh, definitely.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: And what comes to mind is like, okay, leap in, the net will appear.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: I feel like, especially as women we are, we are very good planners.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, you have, especially being moms, you're having to, like, coordinate and organize everything.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: You got to have everything planned out.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: You don't have to have everything planned out.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't know how to drive an RV, I didn't know how to start a podcast, I didn't, you know, I didn't know how to write a book, I didn't know any of it.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: But you leap and the net will appear.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: The net is you.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: You're smart.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: You're capable, you're able to do research, you're able to live life, you're able to figure it out, and I think we sell ourselves short.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like we're like no, I have to have everything figured out before then I'll make that move.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: No, you make you take that step, that you figure it out along the way.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Even if you fall on your face, you pick yourself back up.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: That's how we learn.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and again, your step doesn't have to be a leap, it doesn't have to be even on social media.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: It can be totally private, in the quiet zone of what I call the bowl continuum of you.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Just even how you talk to yourself, how you show up for yourself, you know, by your definition of kind of how you started becoming what you visualize, you were really stepping into showing up for yourself.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: At first it probably felt weird, but then, like, you start moving towards the things that you want to move towards, and it's not faking it till you make it, because I'm not a real big proponent of that.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: It's like taking the action to actually get you there.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Right, it's.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: I'm going to write everything down that it feels like and visualize it, and I'm going to start taking the simple yet maybe complicated steps like finding a job or finding the job that can help me right?
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I think we also have I don't know if you have this, but I have, you know tendencies at times to be people pleaser, perfectionist and, every now and then, imposter syndrome as an entrepreneur.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: I didn't have it at all in the corporate world, which is so weird, but I definitely have had it outside in the entrepreneurial world.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: So I think you know, from that perspective, we also have to just have this sense of enlightened self-awareness and be open to like working on some stuff, because there may be some shadows that you don't even know are there.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they always creep in, right, I didn't think I had any.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: So, like when you, when you were making this move, that's a big shadow, right, when you were making the move from the role that you were in to where you are now, like you are now, you have the RV, you are doing the thing, you are an author, you have a top 1% podcast, you're, you're doing all those things that probably weren't even on the list, possibly.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: What does it feel like now when you hear or think about being true to yourself in the world that you're in now?
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: What does it feel like?
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: It's a good question and I love the analogy of Michelangelo.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: And when they, when they asked him, how did you carve the Statue of David, he said oh, in so many words, that's easy, I just chipped away at everything that was not him.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: So sometimes we feel especially as we get to this beautiful midlife we feel like we need to learn something new, to become our true selves.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: But really it's the opposite.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: It's the unlearning.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: It's unlearning of what is not you.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: And I had to get a really large chisel.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: But you have to, like, really spend that time with yourself and just consistently ask yourself is this me?
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Do I believe this?
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: Is this how I really think?
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Are these my views on life?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Is this how I want to feel?
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Is this how I really think?
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Are these my, my views on life?
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Is this how I want to feel?
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Is this how I want to look?
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Is this the career I want to have?
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: Like, everything like?
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Is this me Like?
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: Is this like really me?
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: And we know right, and only you would know you, obviously, and I would know me right.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: The listener only knows the listener.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: So you have to tap in and ask yourself is this really me?
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: And do I want to hang on to this, because underneath all of that heavy marble is the statue of you.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: That is who you truly are, and I also don't think.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I don't think we just like arrive.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm done now.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: Evolving.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, I don't either, like I don't think it's about the finish line anymore.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, You're always, always chiseling, always evolved.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: We should be like.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: I remember someone said to me a short like a few years ago and after my midlife meltdown they're like wow, you sure have changed.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I was like, I would hope so.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Are we all supposed to change?
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: But it's funny Like people, a lot of people are very scared of change instead of going yes, let's bring it.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Cause, like, that's where the good juicy stuff is, is in the change and a comfort zone's a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you don't have to be a constant change, you don't have to be in constant boldness, because I do think that could be very tiresome, but I do think that if you're going to evolve, you're going to have to get uncomfortable and you're going to have to disrupt something, most likely, or change something, and so I feel like being bold, disruption and change are definitely cousins in the sense of the conversation, and I think when we think of even the word midlife, you know like, I don't know, like we should just like strike that from the dictionary.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: I don't like the word, but unfortunately, I know I've thought about that too.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like I really don't like the word, but in order for people to know like I don't know if it's like, I just don't want to think about like it's half over and like what I wasted or no type of things, or what I could have fixed that I didn't, and that cause like sometimes I go there.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: But I think you know, when we think about how do you want to spend your time in the becoming, you know, which is what we're doing is you know?
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: I love the question that you had that you know, is this me?
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: You know, and what needs to be unlearned or chiseled away so that the true you is there.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: And that's why I like the word true, I think, at this point in time versus authentic, because true to me is like alignment.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: It's also like it is.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: It's truly what you want to or aspire to be or to feel like.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: And you may be changing that definition as you go through the steps.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Right, because you know what you thought it was at 40 isn't what it is at 50.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Maybe at 60, it won't be, it'll be different too.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: So when you think about the book, why the book?
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Why now for you?
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: Good question.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: The book was what I needed seven years ago.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: I would have loved, would have loved to walk into a Barnes and Noble and be like what's this women waking up?
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: You know, just like the people today really tell me, tell me how to.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: And I wanted this book to be less fluff and more formula.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: All the books in the self-help section that's my section, by the way.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: I've read all the books and I love them all, but at the same time I felt like I was needing more.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: Like that's great that you did that, but please tell me, step by step, how to do this.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: And so, literally, from that moment of the bathroom floor to the moment of starting the engine of this RV, that that's the in between those parentheses, is that book?
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: It is literally the how to.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: How to do this, from point A of angst to point B of bliss, as I say, right, I like how do you?
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you actually do this?
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: And I do tell my story.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: You'll get to read my story of everything I struggled with and everything that I celebrated and during this entire time, and how I got the keys to the RV and took off across the country.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: But majority of it is how you can do it, no matter what it is.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes there's some people out there like well, I don't have like massive changes in my life.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: I had a lady that was in my my class not too long ago and she's like you know, I don't have any big changes I want to make, but I just little tweaks here and there.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Cool, whatever, whatever you want to do, and that's whatever you define where your life is right now or where you want it to be.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think again, I go back to like your statement of is this me?
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: And I think that's a really simple thing Someone could just ask themselves who's listening is like what you're doing right now, how you're doing it, how you're feeling, how you're showing up for you and others.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Is it you?
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: You know, because I, I would have answered hell no when someone asked me that.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: You know, when I ended up leaving my corporate world because I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror, I didn't know who I was.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I was 17 hours of work and you know, and there's not much left to move to have relationships to, you know, be positive, other than you know, what we were doing was just like just heads down and getting it done, and I think you know, for me that was an easy no, this is not me.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: So like getting back to who I was, but figuring it out really it sounds like through the book and it's kind of like part memoir, part playbook, right, and like how to do it, and then kind of following your journey along the way as well.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: Can you walk us through the freedom method and what that?
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: is yeah, it's my fave.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Free yourself is the F.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: R is reset your life.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: E is envision a new future, experiment and explore, detach from tomorrow, own your badass self and master yourself.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Especially, that very last step is one of those, going back to what I was saying before we don't just arrive and we're done.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: You've got to continue on evolving and asking yourself how can I be more bold today to get to that next, truer version of myself?
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, was any one of those letters particularly harder for you and your process?
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: I would have to say I think the oh, owning this new woman that I am, and because I think about this, right, like, we all have our favorite grocery store that we go to, and like if I was like, okay, lee, I want you to go get me some chips and salsa, you'd be like, oh yeah, it's aisle seven, I'll be back here in two minutes.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: But if you walked into that grocery store one day and they decided to rearrange all the fricking shelves and all the aisles, which I hate, that Right exactly.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: So think of it this way Like when you change everyone around you, like you're the one changing the aisles and the ingredients everywhere.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: It throws everybody off in your life there, cause you change the dynamic of your relationships, of how you live and where you live.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: And I mean even, like with my, I have grown, my kids are 22, 27, 32, and they've got this wild mother and an RV, you know, half the time traveling the country, and the other time I'm in Madeira, portugal, and it's adjusting to that.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: Everything changes and it's creating those boundaries and sticking to those boundaries.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: I was the queen of writing boundaries with a pencil, carrying around a gigantic eraser.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: And now, this time, I'm like no, I was the queen of codependency, perfectionist people, pleaser approval, seeking you name it.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: And I finally was like this is not serving me, these behaviors are not serving me.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: And I I realized, you know, late forties, that all these people I was trying to please and all these things I was trying to do, and I was exhausting myself, and it didn't matter.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I was like do they even care?
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: Do they even know I'm doing this for them?
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, exactly, yeah, sometimes I think, you know, we think people can read our mind or we think that they realize this is for them right or like.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I went this way for this reason and I think, just do it for yourself.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: As weird as that sounds, or self like for me, I thought that was selfish to choose myself and I had all these negative, irresponsible, like you name it.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: I could, I could give you a negative word for what I was doing, but if I didn't do it like, I think I would have had a stroke.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: I would have been so stressed out, so tired, so unhealthy and it's, you know, life's too short and I know this.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: And so you know, from the perspective of kind of our lives, like, just start living your life today.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: But I think, going back to your you know, is this me, is this me, is this who I am?
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: And if it's not like what needs to change and start going through that process?
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: I think many times we don't ask ourselves what do I want or who do I want to be?
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: You know, I mean where we are, I mean especially as women.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: We are, I think, just natural caretakers and we want to take care of everybody else, make sure everyone's good to go.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: And then it's like, oh, we put our head on the pillow at night and be like, oh yeah, crap, I forgot to take care of myself.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not talking going to the spa, I mean, although that's nice yeah.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: That's self-care, but A little deeper than that.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Right, right, yeah.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: And being bold is taking care of yourself, sometimes for the first time, yeah, showing up for yourself.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: So do you think there's a myth about midlife that you have dispelled generationally, or even for our generation?
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like the whole midlife crisis thing is so annoying.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, I think it's.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: It's a midlife becoming or awakening crisis thing is so annoying.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, I think it's a midlife becoming or awakening.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: Awakening that's what I always say too.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean, I think midlife is a beautiful time.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: It's a.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: It's a wonderful time to to take a look at your life and yourself and to figure out what you want for the rest of your life.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: You know, most of us were, we're done with raising kids and we might have grandkids on the way Not yet Knock on wood but it's a great time to just really figure out who we are and what we want in life.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: And the world is your oyster, it's whatever you want.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't be pressured to have the answer.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: I think that's the other thing.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: No, I think when I started off, I had four different businesses and I wasn't sure which one I was going to do, but I didn't limit myself, I just let myself work through.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Could I actually make a living?
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Is that something I could do quickly, because there were some things that were definitely outside of my wheelhouse of knowledge but I could learn them.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: But how long would it take?
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Like it was just taking all the data and making a decision for myself.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: All the the data and making a decision for myself Right, but not limiting myself right off the bat because, oh my gosh, you know you could never do that, that that's not going to be possible.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: Yep, and not being afraid to pivot.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: If you, if you make a leap into something and I mean much like you did, too right, it's like, oh, you know what I'm not, I don't know if I'm digging this or I don't like this, or this is working out, it's okay to go.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: You know what, I'm going to shut the doors, or I'm going to do this instead Like cool, it's okay.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: There's no judgment, like we're the ones that are judging ourselves.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: And if someone is judging you, then you got to think about that, yeah.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: You got to think about why they're around?
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly Because I think, when you're in that phase of especially your initial bold moves, I do think it's really, really important about who you surround yourself with and who you share your dreams with.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: So when you think about your own journey, I would say like hitting the road, literally and figuratively, with who you are now and the mindset you have now, you're able to kind of take all of those experience and kind of, you know, wrap them into this book.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: What is one of the things that you came up against when it came to being scared or fearful, because that is a lot of the times, I think, also what keeps us from taking a bold step, or fear, kind of, can stop us in our tracks.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: It's meant, you know, don't ignore it, pay attention to it, but don't let it stop you.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Did you ever have like a moment after you like had the RV or out there doing the thing?
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Was there a moment where, like fear stopped you Fear never stopped me.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I did.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: I did listen to it.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: You can't eliminate fear.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: It's there for a reason, but sometimes it can be BS.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: But I think what would help me the most in conquering any fear that would bubble to the surface was all of that time I spent becoming my own best friend, listening to those thoughts, listening to those feelings and going okay, wendy, if any, if anything came up that was like oh my God, I'm scared.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: I would ask myself, okay, what's this about?
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: It's a really.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: But let's, let's get underneath it.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: And sometimes I would have to sit for a while with it and be like what's this about?
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: It's a really bad.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Let's, let's get underneath it.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: And sometimes I would have to sit for a while with it and be like what's underneath that, what's that?
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: And then, and then sometimes I would arrive at something that had I had.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: No, I was like, whoa, okay, this is why I'm hanging onto this, or this is why I'm scared.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're leaping, we're leaping, we're not stopping.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: So I like, don't be fearful of fear.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: If that makes you safe, that's initially what it's there for, but I think if it's holding you back from your truest self, I think you need to do some introspection and really work through that, yes, and I'd like to share my greatest aha moment through the last few years.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: It didn't hit me until I was probably 50.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: I'm 52 now.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: Long story short, I was abandoned as a child and from that moment I feared being abandoned and therefore I got really good at being a perfectionist and a people pleaser, because I don't want anyone to leave me.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: I don't want them to abandon me.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: Is Wendy good enough?
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: You know I would.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: I would just jump through hoops just to make sure that no one would leave.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Eventually I I ended up.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: I would leave, first to avoid being left and then one day I'll never forget, I was sitting so silly, but I was sitting at a picnic table in Malibu overlooking the ocean.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: It was after I'd taken off in the RV and I realized I was like you know what.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: I have spent my whole life fearing being abandoned by others.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: But really I had been abandoning me and I thought why am I doing this to myself?
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: And from that moment I thought you know what Wendy Like had this little chit chat with little Wendy.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: I was like girl, I got you, you are not going to be abandoned anymore.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: I got this.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: And sometimes those tiny but huge aha moments can completely shift your whole life.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: And they're there, they're waiting.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: The more that you dig and the more, like you said, spending time in introspection.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: They will come and will change your life.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it'll never feel perfectly ready.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: You know, we hear this, you see it all the time in posts, but it's really real, you know, in the sense of like, oh, I have everything a hundred percent buttoned up.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: There's no, you know no chance it will fail.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Blah, blah, blah.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: It's not going.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: That's not real life, it's not going to happen that way.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: So I think, just knowing that too, but real life, it's not going to happen that way.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: So I think just knowing that too, but that aha you had, I think, is really, really important.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: It wasn't others abandoning you, it's like you abandoning yourself, right?
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: So I bet there's some listeners that can relate to that.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I think mine was really about realizing it wasn't the world's job to understand me.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: It was my job to understand me and then figure out how to navigate the world.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: So when we think about someone who's listening right now, who's ready to you, know they're on the edge of midlife or they're on the edge of kind of like I've got to figure this out.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Something's, something's up, right, something's got to give that gut.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: What would you whisper to them?
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: What would you say to them?
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: I would tell them become your greatest cheerleader, cheer yourself through it all and, most importantly, you design who you want to be and you follow that and you don't hold back, because you will regret it if you do hold back.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's the worst thing Failure or regret, I'll take a failure.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, don't?
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: You don't want to be in that space of regret.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: No, there's.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: There's no harm in going after your true self and being who you really want to be in life.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: There's no harm in that, one tiny step at a time, yeah, and it doesn't have to be publicized either.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: So I think you know, if it's like we were saying earlier, if it's going around the block, if it's getting out of bed, if it's brushing your hair, if it's getting that job, if it's starting your business, like whatever it is like, just make sure it's true to you of that, about what you said and where your book takes us.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: So all the information about your upcoming book and all the good stuff that is ahead for you and your classes and their retreats are down in the episode notes.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: So please do pick up Women Waking Up a Midlife Manifesto for Passion purpose and play on sale, now pre-sale, and we'll come out in September.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being on the Bold Lounge.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: This is amazing.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: I could talk about being bold all day.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: Through the continuum of bold stories vulnerability to taking a leap you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.