Latest / Wellness, Actually with Emily Oster & Perry Wilson, MD / How to Talk to Your Doctor: Navigating important conversations about your care
Transcript
- 0:01Speaker 1: This is parent Data. I'm Emily Oster. Today's a big
- 0:07Speaker 1: day at parent Data. Firstly, this week we are relaunching
- 0:11Speaker 1: the Pregnant Data newsletter, new and improved for twenty twenty five.
- 0:15Speaker 1: It's got answers to all your questions, and I know
- 0:19Speaker 1: you have a lot of them, so that's a big
- 0:21Speaker 1: thing and I hope you'll sign up. Secondly, I published
- 0:26Speaker 1: a book almost a year ago with my co author,
- 0:28Speaker 1: doctor Nathan Fox, called The Unexpected. It's all about when
- 0:33Speaker 1: things do go wrong, or at least get complicated, in
- 0:37Speaker 1: a pregnancy. And the two of these together, Pregnant Data
- 0:41Speaker 1: and The Unexpected, are meant to help people to help
- 0:45Speaker 1: you be much better prepared for what they might face
- 0:48Speaker 1: in their pregnancies, and to help better navigate conversations with doctors,
- 0:54Speaker 1: both the expected conversations and the unexpected ones. So of course,
- 1:01Speaker 1: to celebrate both of these things, I had to invite
- 1:03Speaker 1: Nate back on the parent at a podcast to chat.
- 1:07Speaker 2: Nate is an OBGYN and an.
- 1:10Speaker 1: MFM, and he is one of our favorite returning podcast guests,
- 1:15Speaker 1: not just because he's a great guy, but also because
- 1:18Speaker 1: it's really nice to have a doctor who cannot only
- 1:22Speaker 1: provide medical answers to questions that come up around pregnancy,
- 1:25Speaker 1: but also to help you have the best possible experiences
- 1:28Speaker 1: with your own doctor. I also just really like Nate.
- 1:32Speaker 1: That's why I wrote a book with him.
- 1:34Speaker 3: He's great.
- 1:36Speaker 1: We're going to talk about some big issues that come
- 1:38Speaker 1: up during pregnancy and the many prenatal doctor visits, about
- 1:42Speaker 1: the distinction between self management and calling your doctor, when
- 1:46Speaker 1: do you know if something is normal bad or bad bad?
- 1:50Speaker 1: And we'll talk about just how subjective that line actually is.
- 1:54Speaker 1: We talk about risks and trade offs, and about the
- 1:57Speaker 1: kinds of postpartum issues that are worth addressing while still pregnant.
- 2:01Speaker 1: I'm looking at you depression and anxiety. And you'll hear
- 2:05Speaker 1: about the one and only public place I ever vomited
- 2:08Speaker 1: while pregnant.
- 2:09Speaker 2: Not to be missed.
- 2:13Speaker 1: After the break, we welcome back doctor Nathan Fox. I
- 2:23Speaker 1: am delighted to welcome doctor Nathan Fox, my co author,
- 2:26Speaker 1: my friend, back to the Parent Data Podcast.
- 2:30Speaker 2: Doctor Nathan Fox, Can you introduce yourself?
- 2:33Speaker 3: We are friends, we are co authors, and that is
- 2:36Speaker 3: by far the most important thing in my professional life
- 2:39Speaker 3: right now. Secondary toll that I am a doctor. I
- 2:42Speaker 3: do see patients pretty much every day I'm an obgyn
- 2:46Speaker 3: and a maternal fetal medicine specialist, which some people call
- 2:50Speaker 3: a high risk ob colloquially. I practice in New York
- 2:54Speaker 3: City and that's what I do pretty much all the time.
- 2:58Speaker 3: On the side, I also have a podcast and I've
- 3:02Speaker 3: you know, other wonderful things in my life.
- 3:05Speaker 1: How much of the time do you spend delivering babies
- 3:08Speaker 1: as opposed to doing prenate all stuff.
- 3:10Speaker 3: It's varied over the years. You know, when our practice
- 3:13Speaker 3: was smaller, I was probably doing twenty percent of all
- 3:17Speaker 3: of our deliveries, twenty to twenty five percent. We do
- 3:20Speaker 3: about one thousand deliveries a year. And then as our
- 3:22Speaker 3: practice grew bigger, probably now on the labor floor once
- 3:29Speaker 3: a week, give or take somewhere there it's gone. As
- 3:32Speaker 3: one ages, he or she tends to do slightly fewer deliveries,
- 3:38Speaker 3: which is pretty typical. But I'm still actively there, like
- 3:40Speaker 3: I'm there a lot. I'm on call this weekend, for example.
- 3:43Speaker 1: Christmas babies. We're recording this before Christmas. This will be
- 3:46Speaker 1: Christmas babies.
- 3:47Speaker 3: This the New Year's babies. Those are the ones that
- 3:49Speaker 3: people are looking for.
- 3:50Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, those who want the glory of delivering
- 3:55Speaker 4: the first baby of the new year, and those who
- 3:58Speaker 4: want the tax break for delivering the last baby of
- 4:00Speaker 4: the old year.
- 4:03Speaker 2: There are so many important reasons.
- 4:05Speaker 1: For birthdays, all right, So let's talk first about hyperamesis
- 4:11Speaker 1: because this, for me, is an example of a place
- 4:14Speaker 1: where we hit a question that's actually quite common in pregnancy,
- 4:18Speaker 1: which is, like, is my.
- 4:19Speaker 2: Experience outside the norm?
- 4:22Speaker 3: So?
- 4:23Speaker 1: You know what, Like everyone knows that vomiting, nausee and
- 4:27Speaker 1: vomiting is common in pregnancy, and some.
- 4:30Speaker 2: People vomit more than others.
- 4:32Speaker 1: And I guess the way I would I would say
- 4:34Speaker 1: this is people are worried about bothering their doctors, and
- 4:37Speaker 1: so they somehow want to know, like how do I
- 4:39Speaker 1: know if I should if I should call? How do
- 4:41Speaker 1: I know if things have gone off the rails or
- 4:42Speaker 1: if I should just sort of just suck it up.
- 4:47Speaker 3: I'm surprised to learn that people are worried about bothering
- 4:49Speaker 3: their doctors, are you? None of them, like a major
- 4:53Speaker 3: none of them seem to be my patients. Not I
- 4:56Speaker 3: mean that in a negative way. I think I don't
- 5:00Speaker 3: you know, I think different people are different. Maybe it's
- 5:03Speaker 3: a New York City phenomenon that or New York. I mean,
- 5:06Speaker 3: I'm from the Midwest, so I was brought up politely,
- 5:10Speaker 3: I would say, and then I came to New York
- 5:13Speaker 3: and people are just a little more assertive, I guess
- 5:16Speaker 3: as a way to put it right practice and not again,
- 5:19Speaker 3: not in a bad way. I love New York. I
- 5:22Speaker 3: guess that's possibly true some of it, maybe that people
- 5:25Speaker 3: are just they don't want to bother their doctor. But sometimes, unfortunately,
- 5:29Speaker 3: maybe they're conditioned to believe that because of their experiences
- 5:33Speaker 3: with doctors, and maybe not the person the doctor, but
- 5:38Speaker 3: sometimes just the way someone's office is set up. It's
- 5:42Speaker 3: difficult to reach a doctor, you know, the visits are short,
- 5:46Speaker 3: you can't get them on the phone, it's hard to
- 5:48Speaker 3: get them through the portal, and so you're sort of
- 5:50Speaker 3: turning to Google. And that's a much more global issue.
- 5:54Speaker 3: I would say, medicine that we're not going to solve today.
- 5:57Speaker 3: But you know, I think that it is definitely a
- 6:02Speaker 3: challenge if you don't have access to your doctor or
- 6:06Speaker 3: your midwife wherever that is. But I would say that
- 6:10Speaker 3: you know, everyone has prenatal visits, that's for sure. And
- 6:15Speaker 3: if you have a question that you can't get answered,
- 6:17Speaker 3: over the phone or over a portal or whatever it
- 6:20Speaker 3: might be, see if you can make a visit, like
- 6:24Speaker 3: just show up, right, just say I'm not feeling well,
- 6:26Speaker 3: and usually I mean and usually if you call and
- 6:28Speaker 3: say I'm not feeling well, I'm pregnant, They'll want you
- 6:31Speaker 3: to come in and be seen, and so you're gonna
- 6:33Speaker 3: get FaceTime typically.
- 6:35Speaker 1: Maybe, although I think what people are really struggling with
- 6:38Speaker 1: here on the sort of nausea pieces, like I know
- 6:41Speaker 1: this is there is some amount of this that's normal, right.
- 6:44Speaker 1: I was told it's like regular to be nauseous, and
- 6:47Speaker 1: so then you know, I've I've a nauseous in every
- 6:50Speaker 1: day I vomit and I vomit ten times a day?
- 6:53Speaker 2: Was that too much?
- 6:54Speaker 1: Is that like a too much amount of vomiting? Or
- 6:56Speaker 1: is like fifteen too much? Or is one too much?
- 7:00Speaker 5: Like?
- 7:00Speaker 1: How do I know that that I not just that
- 7:03Speaker 1: I could call the doctor, but that I should is maybe.
- 7:06Speaker 3: Fair a way to say it? No, that's a it's
- 7:08Speaker 3: a good distinction. I would say. There's sort of two thresholds.
- 7:13Speaker 3: And this is true with vomiting, this is true with pain,
- 7:16Speaker 3: this is true with really anything. The more critical threshold
- 7:22Speaker 3: is Am I in danger? Right? Am I in danger?
- 7:25Speaker 3: As my baby in danger? Something like that. So that's
- 7:28Speaker 3: a critical threshold where you must call right, you have
- 7:31Speaker 3: to be seen because there's a possibility. And so that's
- 7:34Speaker 3: one threshold. And the second threshold is much more subjective,
- 7:39Speaker 3: which is, do I feel not well and I want
- 7:43Speaker 3: to get better? Right? And so what the average amount
- 7:47Speaker 3: of vomiting is or quote unquote normal amount of vomiting
- 7:50Speaker 3: and nausees is completely irrelevant for the second one. Right,
- 7:53Speaker 3: for some people there like, yeah, I'm nauseous and I'm vomiting.
- 7:56Speaker 3: What's today, And that's fine. I'm okay with this. I
- 7:59Speaker 3: don't need to be tree and I can walk around
- 8:01Speaker 3: like this and be fine. And other people are like,
- 8:03Speaker 3: this is debilitating. I hate being nauseous all day. I
- 8:05Speaker 3: hate vomiting once a day. I can't work, I can't
- 8:08Speaker 3: take your mayor their kid, whatever it might be. And
- 8:10Speaker 3: so for the second threshold, I would say it's subjective.
- 8:13Speaker 3: If you are nauseous or vomiting to the point that
- 8:17Speaker 3: it's distressing you, that it's affecting your life, that you
- 8:21Speaker 3: want to look into ways to make it better, then
- 8:24Speaker 3: that is reason enough to start doing that and whether
- 8:27Speaker 3: that's you know, calling the nurse, calling the doctor, whatever
- 8:29Speaker 3: it is. In terms of the threshold the must I
- 8:32Speaker 3: call so for vomiting and nausea, it's generally things like
- 8:37Speaker 3: can I keep nothing down? Am I dehydrated? And so
- 8:41Speaker 3: how would you know you're dehydrated? Well, if you're not
- 8:43Speaker 3: peeing anymore, or when you pee it's really dark, like
- 8:46Speaker 3: it's the color of iced tea versus the color of
- 8:49Speaker 3: lemonade or water. Am I losing weight? Can I knock
- 8:54Speaker 3: get out of bed? Right? Those are possibly dangerous signs
- 8:58Speaker 3: and those need to be address. So if you're having
- 9:01Speaker 3: one of those things again you're not peeing, or it's
- 9:04Speaker 3: very very dark, or you can't keep anything down and
- 9:07Speaker 3: you're losing weight, you should not be waiting. You should
- 9:10Speaker 3: call and say I'm very sick. I need to be seen,
- 9:12Speaker 3: or this needs to be addressed. If it's short of
- 9:15Speaker 3: that and you're just not feeling well, make a decision.
- 9:18Speaker 3: Is this something like I'd rather take nothing and just
- 9:20Speaker 3: have this and sort of you know, muscle through it
- 9:22Speaker 3: until the end of whatever. Fine, that's okay. Whereas if
- 9:25Speaker 3: you're like, no, this sucks, I really want to get better.
- 9:27Speaker 3: Then make an appointment and that's totally fine, and that's subjective.
- 9:31Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think that's exactly right, and thank
- 9:35Speaker 1: you a piece of it that I think is exactly right.
- 9:37Speaker 1: The piece of it is that is hard, and I
- 9:39Speaker 1: always struggle with sort of how and I suspect you
- 9:42Speaker 1: struggle with how to express this to people also, is like,
- 9:46Speaker 1: how do you say that without it coming across like, well,
- 9:51Speaker 1: if you can't tough it out because you're like a
- 9:54Speaker 1: whiny loser, you know what I mean, how does it
- 9:57Speaker 1: not be like just try it until you're at the
- 9:59Speaker 1: edge of your like you know capacity fair.
- 10:03Speaker 3: No, I mean, I definitely understand how it could come
- 10:05Speaker 3: out that way. What I'm trying to say is actually
- 10:07Speaker 3: the opposite. What I'm trying to say is we're here
- 10:10Speaker 3: for you, Like our goal is to make you. Obviously
- 10:14Speaker 3: top goal is you know, healthy mother, healthy baby. Fine,
- 10:17Speaker 3: but the next is we want you to feel well,
- 10:19Speaker 3: Like it is our goal for you to feel well.
- 10:21Speaker 3: And Okay, if someone calls me and says they're having
- 10:24Speaker 3: knowledge that they're having vomiting again, not severe to the
- 10:26Speaker 3: point that I'm worried about their health and well being,
- 10:28Speaker 3: They're just it bothers them. It's upset understandably, So what
- 10:32Speaker 3: am I gonna be able to offer them. I'm going
- 10:34Speaker 3: to offer them, you know, maybe some dietary changes, which
- 10:37Speaker 3: rarely do that much. And then we're talking about various medications,
- 10:41Speaker 3: and so people sort of know from the outset. Am
- 10:43Speaker 3: I the type of person who would like to take
- 10:47Speaker 3: a medication to feel better? Am I the type of
- 10:49Speaker 3: person who's like, I'm out, I don't want any meds
- 10:51Speaker 3: unless I'm like horribly ill, I don't want to take anything.
- 10:54Speaker 3: And so we're here for you. If someone is not
- 10:57Speaker 3: feeling well and they want to try something, I don't.
- 11:00Speaker 3: It doesn't matter to me how not feeling well they are.
- 11:03Speaker 3: If it's a little bit, I'll try something because they're safe.
- 11:05Speaker 3: It's not like we're talking about dangerous treatments or anything
- 11:08Speaker 3: like that, and so any amount is totally fine on
- 11:11Speaker 3: my end that I don't judge people. I hate being nauseous.
- 11:14Speaker 3: It sucks. It's like one of the worst feelings in
- 11:16Speaker 3: the world. And so even if you're not vomiting, I
- 11:18Speaker 3: don't like God, being nauseous is terrible. And so it's
- 11:22Speaker 3: not like we we advise people to tough it out
- 11:26Speaker 3: as much as you can, and then when you hit
- 11:27Speaker 3: a breaking point, call us.
- 11:29Speaker 1: No.
- 11:29Speaker 3: If you're disturbed in any way whatsoever, call us and
- 11:32Speaker 3: we'll try to sort it out. But if you know,
- 11:34Speaker 3: you're the kind of person who's going to say, no,
- 11:35Speaker 3: I don't want any medication for it, all right, I
- 11:38Speaker 3: can you know, we can talk and I can try
- 11:40Speaker 3: to be empathetic, but not much is going to change
- 11:42Speaker 3: in that sense.
- 11:44Speaker 2: Yeah.
- 11:44Speaker 1: Yeah, I like this or idea of kind of thinking
- 11:46Speaker 1: for yourself even exanty about you know what, what are
- 11:49Speaker 1: the things I'm going to be willing to do here
- 11:52Speaker 1: and therefore, like what could come out of this conversation?
- 11:54Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, And different different people, different people feel differently
- 11:59Speaker 3: about this, and I don't. Again, some people are like, listen,
- 12:01Speaker 3: I'm just I'm just not a medication person. I'm not
- 12:03Speaker 3: into it. I don't, you know. Find that's perfect again,
- 12:06Speaker 3: unless we're in a danger situation where I have to
- 12:08Speaker 3: really like, listen, we gotta we gotta do this, or
- 12:10Speaker 3: bad things are going to happen. If someone says I'd
- 12:12Speaker 3: prefer to vomit once a day than take a medication
- 12:14Speaker 3: to not vomit, that's reasonable. I'm okay with that, And
- 12:17Speaker 3: as someone says, I'd prefer to take a medication rather
- 12:20Speaker 3: than vomit once today, I think that's reasonable. Reasonable too,
- 12:23Speaker 3: That's what I would choose personally, But that's me.
- 12:25Speaker 1: Yeah, I vomited once in my pregnancy in like an
- 12:31Speaker 1: ikea bathroom. Is the only one time I ever and
- 12:34Speaker 1: I'm like, if it happened again, I was gonna do
- 12:37Speaker 1: something about it.
- 12:38Speaker 3: My wife vomited on Lexa ninety sixth Street, which was
- 12:41Speaker 3: pretty gross. Uh, vomiting, people look at you. Vomiting is horrible.
- 12:46Speaker 3: It is. It's a horrible, horrible experience to everyone who
- 12:49Speaker 3: has it, and when you're pregnant you have it a lot.
- 12:51Speaker 3: It's it's pretty gruesome. So yeah, I'm I'm in favor
- 12:54Speaker 3: of helping people with it, but I don't twist people's
- 12:56Speaker 3: arms unless I think it's dangerous obviously, all right.
- 13:00Speaker 1: Second thing I want to talk about is postpartum depression
- 13:03Speaker 1: and and on the one hand, it is quite different
- 13:05Speaker 1: from from vomiting. But on the other hand, I think
- 13:08Speaker 1: this same general idea about sort of how do I
- 13:12Speaker 1: know that this is something I should get help with?
- 13:16Speaker 1: And I think in that case it's it's in some
- 13:18Speaker 1: ways even harder because it can be hard to see
- 13:22Speaker 1: when you're It can be hard for you to see
- 13:24Speaker 1: when you're depressed.
- 13:25Speaker 3: I don't know, you don't know you're vomiting exactly exactly.
- 13:29Speaker 1: And so so let me ask to begin with, because
- 13:32Speaker 1: I think this is something people are just confused about.
- 13:34Speaker 2: Do you see some depression start in pregnancy?
- 13:37Speaker 3: Definitely? Definitely, and so is, Yeah, there's there's everyone is
- 13:43Speaker 3: hopefully everyone has heard of postpartum depression. Many people have
- 13:48Speaker 3: heard of postpartum anxiety, right, it's sort of it's a
- 13:51Speaker 3: parallel to postpartum depression, just different symptoms. But there's also
- 13:55Speaker 3: a concept called peri natal depression and peri natal anxiety,
- 14:00Speaker 3: which just means instead of its starting after you deliver,
- 14:03Speaker 3: it starts before you deliver at some point in pregnancy.
- 14:07Speaker 3: And then obviously there's people who come into pregnancy with
- 14:09Speaker 3: sort of pre existing depression, anxiety, or any other mental
- 14:12Speaker 3: health condition. Doesn't have to be those two obviously, So
- 14:15Speaker 3: definitely can happen during pregnancy. And in fact, nowadays, not
- 14:20Speaker 3: only do we screen routinely for postpartum depression and anxiety,
- 14:25Speaker 3: they're sort of these standardized their questionnaires is how they
- 14:29Speaker 3: play out, But it's a standardized screen that we do,
- 14:32Speaker 3: and pediatricians do it. You know, a lot of people
- 14:33Speaker 3: do it nowadays. Fortunately, we also do one during pregnancy,
- 14:36Speaker 3: standardized for the same reasons, and most people will be
- 14:41Speaker 3: able to tell you I'm not doing well, but not
- 14:45Speaker 3: everybody a feels comfortable with that, and also not everyone
- 14:49Speaker 3: realizes that they're not doing well, because, like you said,
- 14:52Speaker 3: all these times are very challenging. Being pregnant is a
- 14:56Speaker 3: stressful time period. Having a baby's a stressful time period,
- 14:59Speaker 3: and it's hard for some people to understand and differentiate
- 15:03Speaker 3: is what I'm feeling and how I'm responding to it,
- 15:07Speaker 3: sort of typical slash normal, slash whatever, versus like, am
- 15:12Speaker 3: I in a bad place? And I think there is
- 15:16Speaker 3: a parallel to what I was saying about the vomiting
- 15:19Speaker 3: in terms of thresholds, because it's some of it is
- 15:21Speaker 3: similar that there are thresholds where where someone is unwell
- 15:26Speaker 3: and they really really need to be treated, and signs
- 15:29Speaker 3: like I can't get out of bed, there's nothing in
- 15:32Speaker 3: my life that I enjoy. It's affecting my relationship with
- 15:36Speaker 3: my baby or with my loved ones, or it's affecting
- 15:40Speaker 3: my ability to eat or to care for myself, or
- 15:43Speaker 3: obviously i'm feelings of self harm or harming others like
- 15:47Speaker 3: those are danger signs and those need to be addressed immediately,
- 15:50Speaker 3: and they're treatable, thank god. But then it's the same thing,
- 15:54Speaker 3: you know, someone's mood. There is some subjectivity to it
- 16:00Speaker 3: if no one has those danger signs, right if someone says,
- 16:04Speaker 3: you know, my mood is down, I'm feeling a little depressed,
- 16:07Speaker 3: or you know whatever however they express it to me.
- 16:10Speaker 3: But no, I can go to work every day and
- 16:12Speaker 3: I can function. It's not affecting my relationships. It's not
- 16:14Speaker 3: affecting my ability to take care of myself and to
- 16:17Speaker 3: eat and to exercise, and you sort of do what
- 16:19Speaker 3: I need to do, and I just, you know, I
- 16:21Speaker 3: just don't feel so great. You know. Do they need
- 16:24Speaker 3: to be treated? Do they not need to be treated?
- 16:27Speaker 3: It's you know, there's some subjectivity there, and there's some
- 16:31Speaker 3: patient choice there. Obviously. The one difference I would say is,
- 16:36Speaker 3: as opposed to nausea vomiting, you don't always have to
- 16:40Speaker 3: go to medication to be treated, right, you can have
- 16:43Speaker 3: a for lack of a better term, let's call it
- 16:46Speaker 3: minor mood disorder, right, it's not really a good way
- 16:49Speaker 3: to put it. But whatever, your symptoms are less and
- 16:51Speaker 3: you're functioning, and you might benefit from things that are
- 16:55Speaker 3: non pharmacologic, like therapy, right with the professional therapist that
- 17:01Speaker 3: might be beneficial, or just other things like some anxiety
- 17:06Speaker 3: reducing or stress reducing, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy or
- 17:09Speaker 3: yoga or just taking a break whatever. It might be,
- 17:12Speaker 3: something ranging from very small to more aggressive, but again,
- 17:16Speaker 3: all non pharmacologic, So there's more options, I would say,
- 17:19Speaker 3: than for nausee of vomiting.
- 17:22Speaker 1: Nick, can you just give us a little bit to
- 17:25Speaker 1: sort of frame this conversation about why we see prenatal
- 17:29Speaker 1: or postpartum depression, why that's something that happens more in
- 17:32Speaker 1: those time periods than maybe other parts of life.
- 17:37Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that, I mean, the short answers. We
- 17:40Speaker 3: don't know exactly why, right, No one's mapped it out
- 17:43Speaker 3: to like the molecular level definitively, but I think that
- 17:48Speaker 3: there's a lot of reasons that it is more common
- 17:52Speaker 3: after people deliver or you know, in towards the end
- 17:55Speaker 3: of pregnancy that do make a lot of sense as well.
- 17:59Speaker 3: People talk a lot a lot about hormones, right, and
- 18:02Speaker 3: you know, and pregnancy they're high and then after you
- 18:04Speaker 3: deliver they drop. And so you know, how could it
- 18:06Speaker 3: be that increasing hormones and decreasing hormones both do the
- 18:09Speaker 3: same thing. And I think that people's brains are used
- 18:15Speaker 3: to certain environments. And remember, mood and mood disorders are
- 18:21Speaker 3: organic brain issues. They're not like, you know, someone's fortitude
- 18:27Speaker 3: is harmed, right, it comes. These are organic medical problems
- 18:31Speaker 3: that originate in the brain, and the brain is used
- 18:34Speaker 3: to a certain hormonal balance, and when things change in
- 18:39Speaker 3: either direction, it can affect people's moods in sometimes very
- 18:43Speaker 3: unpredictable ways. Right, Why does one person get depression and
- 18:47Speaker 3: one person gain anxiety? Why does one person get nothing? Why?
- 18:50Speaker 3: You know, there's different things that can happen, and so
- 18:52Speaker 3: we don't we don't have it mapped out exactly why
- 18:55Speaker 3: certain changes in certain people do certain things. But it
- 18:59Speaker 3: makes a lot of sense. The changes can do certain
- 19:02Speaker 3: things to people. So that's one reason the changes of
- 19:04Speaker 3: sort of hormonal estrogen, progesterone and whatnot. But the second
- 19:08Speaker 3: is also there's a lot of other things that go
- 19:12Speaker 3: into mental health related to circumstances, things like stressors, right,
- 19:18Speaker 3: So if you have more stressors, you're more likely to
- 19:22Speaker 3: have one of these things. It's not that stress causes
- 19:24Speaker 3: anxiety and depression, but it's one of the factors that's involved.
- 19:27Speaker 3: So pregnancy and postpartum are very stressful times for people
- 19:32Speaker 3: for obvious reasons. Also, things like nutrition, exercise, sleep, things
- 19:38Speaker 3: that definitely impact mental health, and again hard to map
- 19:42Speaker 3: out exactly what they do to any given person, but
- 19:46Speaker 3: I don't think it's a big leap to say that
- 19:48Speaker 3: if you don't sleep well you're more likely to have
- 19:50Speaker 3: mental health issues, or if you don't eat right, or
- 19:52Speaker 3: if you're not able to exercise or whatever it might
- 19:54Speaker 3: be that they can impact it. And so I think
- 19:57Speaker 3: that all of those sort of come together in the
- 20:00Speaker 3: same time period. Your hormones change, your body physiology changes,
- 20:04Speaker 3: and your circumstance change, increase, stressors, decrease sleep, change in nutrition,
- 20:09Speaker 3: change in activity, and they happen, they like blow up
- 20:12Speaker 3: for people at the end of pregnancy and after they deliver,
- 20:16Speaker 3: and that's why many people have again not even full
- 20:20Speaker 3: blown postpartum anxiety or depression, but certainly they have effects
- 20:25Speaker 3: on their mood. You know, that people used to call
- 20:26Speaker 3: the baby blues or whatever it might be, that they
- 20:28Speaker 3: just don't feel the same, and that's all normal and
- 20:31Speaker 3: expected and at a certain point it probably should be treated.
- 20:34Speaker 2: This issue of.
- 20:35Speaker 1: Sort of treatment, pharmacological treatment, I think is ann comes
- 20:41Speaker 1: up in both of these cases, but it comes up
- 20:43Speaker 1: here particularly in the particularly in the in the perinatal
- 20:46Speaker 1: but also in the in the postpartum phase, because again
- 20:50Speaker 1: people sort of end up hearing like you can take
- 20:53Speaker 1: an SSRI, but you know, we don't know if it's
- 20:56Speaker 1: like we're not one hundred percent sure it's safe, or
- 20:58Speaker 1: you can take it if you really need it.
- 20:59Speaker 2: That is a phrasing that people.
- 21:02Speaker 1: Come sort of come back to me, say, my doctor
- 21:03Speaker 1: told me I can take this antidepressant if I really
- 21:06Speaker 1: need it.
- 21:07Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a bad that's a bad phrase.
- 21:08Speaker 1: It's a bad phrase because I think and I think
- 21:10Speaker 1: it's it's meant in a positive way. It's meant in
- 21:13Speaker 1: this way of like, you know, if you feel like
- 21:14Speaker 1: you like the sort of the way you put it before,
- 21:16Speaker 1: it's like, well, if you feel like you need it,
- 21:17Speaker 1: of course we want to help.
- 21:18Speaker 2: But it comes out.
- 21:19Speaker 1: As like if you feel like you actually you really
- 21:22Speaker 1: need it as opposed to you know, if you feel
- 21:24Speaker 1: like you're willing to sacrifice your baby for this, I
- 21:27Speaker 1: guess you can do it.
- 21:28Speaker 2: Yeah that's tricky.
- 21:30Speaker 3: Yeah, well it's tricky. It's unfortunate for a lot of
- 21:33Speaker 3: reasons because it's it's not the correct messaging. And again
- 21:35Speaker 3: I'm not impugning the doctors. They they probably don't mean
- 21:39Speaker 3: it to come out that way.
- 21:39Speaker 2: I don't think at all. I think it's help people
- 21:41Speaker 2: are hearing something different.
- 21:42Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean maybe some of them do, but I
- 21:45Speaker 3: assume not. I think there's a lot of reason. Number one,
- 21:48Speaker 3: the safety of these medications is so studied, right, there is.
- 21:54Speaker 3: None of the studies are perfect, obviously, but people use
- 21:57Speaker 3: these medications, many men. People use them for many, many years. Right.
- 22:02Speaker 3: And when you have that, it's exceedingly unlikely that any
- 22:07Speaker 3: of these is dangerous because it would come out right
- 22:10Speaker 3: one way or another. And so you're talking about is
- 22:13Speaker 3: there a one percent risk or is there not a
- 22:15Speaker 3: one percent risk? Like that's sort of the type of
- 22:17Speaker 3: numbers we're talking about, and the predominance of risk in
- 22:23Speaker 3: that let's call it one percent range is really if
- 22:26Speaker 3: you take it in the first trimester, it's not if
- 22:28Speaker 3: you take it at the end of pregnancy here right
- 22:30Speaker 3: after you deliver. And so my messaging to people is
- 22:35Speaker 3: not take it if you want it, but if we
- 22:38Speaker 3: think you need something, let's decide what it is you need.
- 22:41Speaker 3: Are you someone who just needs to maybe have a
- 22:45Speaker 3: little bit of change in your lifestyle, maybe work fewer hours,
- 22:48Speaker 3: or get some help at home or something like that,
- 22:50Speaker 3: and that's all you need? Okay, that's sort of like
- 22:52Speaker 3: changing your circumstances, or maybe you need some meet with
- 22:57Speaker 3: a mental health professional, do some therapy that could be enough,
- 23:00Speaker 3: or do you need that plus maybe some medication. And
- 23:03Speaker 3: it's not sort of like what can you tolerate? It's
- 23:06Speaker 3: like what's going to work for you? And when people
- 23:09Speaker 3: ask me about risk, I say, there's basically almost no
- 23:13Speaker 3: risk to any of these things, and any possible, hypothetical,
- 23:17Speaker 3: theoretical small risk there is to the medication is greatly
- 23:21Speaker 3: outweighed by the risk of you not being treated and
- 23:24Speaker 3: not being well. And it's not just because you don't
- 23:27Speaker 3: feel good, but all right, you can't take care of
- 23:29Speaker 3: yourself properly, you can't take care of the baby properly.
- 23:32Speaker 3: Not sleeping is not good for you, not eating is
- 23:34Speaker 3: not good for you, Like having just anxiety depression walking
- 23:37Speaker 3: around with those things is not good for you. And
- 23:39Speaker 3: so I would say it's greatly outweighed. So I don't
- 23:42Speaker 3: That's sort of how we try to approach it. I
- 23:45Speaker 3: think the other issue that people here not so much
- 23:49Speaker 3: the I feel like I'm a failure type of thing.
- 23:52Speaker 3: But there's such a stigma that people have. They feel
- 23:55Speaker 3: like if they take a medication, they've somehow crossed the
- 23:57Speaker 3: threshold and they're now a different person. And I get it,
- 24:02Speaker 3: like that's I'm not poo pooing that feeling, but it's
- 24:07Speaker 3: just so crazy because we never have that feeling with right, Yeah, Oh,
- 24:13Speaker 3: I don't want to take antibiotic because I don't want to
- 24:14Speaker 3: be called a person who has an infection. Like who
- 24:17Speaker 3: the hell says that? Right? No one says that, right,
- 24:19Speaker 3: And it's it's or anything like I have a headache
- 24:22Speaker 3: and I'm gonna take a pain medicine for I'm gonna
- 24:24Speaker 3: take up a motrain or tile and all, like no
- 24:26Speaker 3: one says, oh, there's a stigma now person with headaches
- 24:30Speaker 3: and you know, no one thinks like that. But since
- 24:33Speaker 3: it's depression or anxiety. People feel that somehow they're going
- 24:36Speaker 3: to be like branded, you know, in town square, And
- 24:40Speaker 3: I don't think it's like that anymore. I think that's
- 24:42Speaker 3: a problem with people of our generation, much more so
- 24:45Speaker 3: than like my kids generation. They're all much more comfortable
- 24:48Speaker 3: with their mental health diagnoses, which is a good.
- 24:50Speaker 2: Thing, Which is a good thing.
- 24:51Speaker 1: But I do think there's a general issue with sort
- 24:54Speaker 1: of medication during pregnancy, which is sure, like people, you know,
- 25:00Speaker 1: some medications during pregnancy are are dangerous, but so much
- 25:03Speaker 1: of the messaging around medication and pregnancy is sort of like, well,
- 25:06Speaker 1: you want to be like more cautious than usual, or
- 25:09Speaker 1: maybe there's some risk, but there's you know, and that
- 25:11Speaker 1: really puts people in a often in a situation that's
- 25:15Speaker 1: more brought than it should be, you know, because actually
- 25:18Speaker 1: in many cases, like it's fine to take tile at all.
- 25:21Speaker 3: Yeah, I think some listen, it's appropriate to have heightened
- 25:27Speaker 3: concern or awareness over medications when you're pregnant, because yeah,
- 25:30Speaker 3: you're you know, you're pregnant with the baby, and they
- 25:33Speaker 3: get what you get to some degree, and there's always
- 25:35Speaker 3: the possibility of risk, right, There are medications that are dangerous,
- 25:38Speaker 3: So it's it's not, you know, implausible that something could happen.
- 25:41Speaker 3: But I think the important thing, you know, sometimes people
- 25:45Speaker 3: think it's all or none, and this is also true
- 25:47Speaker 3: with doctors and the messaging. They say, well, the medication
- 25:50Speaker 3: has risks, and not taking the medication has risks, and
- 25:53Speaker 3: so someone's like, well, how the hell do I balance that? Right?
- 25:55Speaker 3: And so they think it's well, either I'm harming my
- 25:58Speaker 3: baby or I'm harming myself. Like that's sort of the
- 26:01Speaker 3: black and white that they hear. And so I would
- 26:03Speaker 3: say the important thing to ask your doctor, and hopefully
- 26:08Speaker 3: you know he or she can answer this for you,
- 26:10Speaker 3: is can you quantify that risk? Like, what are we
- 26:12Speaker 3: talking about here? And we talk about a risk of
- 26:15Speaker 3: you know, fifty percent risk my baby's going to be
- 26:17Speaker 3: harmed or one in one hundred, one in a thousand theoretical,
- 26:22Speaker 3: but unknown, like what we like, what are we talking
- 26:24Speaker 3: about so we can try to weigh a versus be right,
- 26:28Speaker 3: there's no way to walk through life with no risk.
- 26:30Speaker 3: I leave my house on that cross the street, there's
- 26:32Speaker 3: some risk that I'm going to get run over by
- 26:33Speaker 3: a bus. Right, It's very very small, so it doesn't
- 26:36Speaker 3: really come into my mind every day, and I mitigate
- 26:39Speaker 3: that by waiting till the light screen and looking both
- 26:41Speaker 3: ways and all that stuff. But it could happen. And
- 26:43Speaker 3: so it's the same thing when someone tells me I
- 26:45Speaker 3: don't want to take zoloft because I'm pregnant, I'll say, Okay, Well,
- 26:49Speaker 3: let's what is the risk we're worrying about. We try
- 26:52Speaker 3: to quantify that, and when it boils down to it,
- 26:54Speaker 3: it comes down to a risk somewhere between let's say
- 26:58Speaker 3: zero and one percent that it's going to cause something
- 27:02Speaker 3: in the baby. That's like, it could be zero and
- 27:04Speaker 3: the high end it's let's say maybe one. All right,
- 27:07Speaker 3: what are you going to be like if you don't
- 27:09Speaker 3: take it? Like I'm a wreck, I can't get out
- 27:11Speaker 3: of bed in the morning. I'm like, well, then it's
- 27:12Speaker 3: a no brainer. Then you should take it, because how
- 27:15Speaker 3: could you go the whole pregnancy without getting out of bed?
- 27:18Speaker 3: Versus if they're like, well, I don't really need it.
- 27:20Speaker 3: I started it when I was in college because I
- 27:22Speaker 3: had a bat semester and I'm on such a low
- 27:24Speaker 3: dose and I took it. I stopped it for two
- 27:27Speaker 3: years and I felt the same, and I'm back on it.
- 27:29Speaker 3: I'm all right, that's a person who if they don't
- 27:31Speaker 3: want to take any risk of pregnancy, maybe they should
- 27:33Speaker 3: try to come off it. But those are two very
- 27:34Speaker 3: different people because they have different risks on the not
- 27:38Speaker 3: taking it side.
- 27:44Speaker 1: More parent data, including Nate's tips for how to have
- 27:47Speaker 1: the best possible conversations with your doctor and how to
- 27:50Speaker 1: push back if you're actually skeptical of their advice.
- 27:53Speaker 2: Maybe after listening to this podcast after the break.
- 28:04Speaker 1: Listening to you talk about this leads me into the
- 28:07Speaker 1: sort of second set of things which I want to
- 28:09Speaker 1: talk about, which is when you and I talk about
- 28:11Speaker 1: this stuff, like, I get the impression that if I
- 28:14Speaker 1: were your patient, like, we would have interesting, nuanced conversations
- 28:18Speaker 1: about risks and benefits, and that would be very helpful
- 28:20Speaker 1: and I would feel good about making different choices. A
- 28:25Speaker 1: lot of people struggle to have this kind of conversation
- 28:28Speaker 1: with their providers. How do you think that people can
- 28:33Speaker 1: make the conversations they have with their doctor better and
- 28:40Speaker 1: to not have them feel out of people's control. So
- 28:44Speaker 1: I think a very common way for people to leave
- 28:47Speaker 1: a provider's office is to feel like I didn't get
- 28:50Speaker 1: I didn't think about the questions that I didn't ask
- 28:52Speaker 1: them right and I wasn't able to get to the
- 28:54Speaker 1: answer that I wanted.
- 28:57Speaker 2: So let's start like big picture there.
- 28:59Speaker 3: Yes, So that's a big, big conversation obviously, but an
- 29:03Speaker 3: important one, clearly. I think that first it's important for
- 29:09Speaker 3: everyone to sort of think about deliberately what am I
- 29:14Speaker 3: trying to get here? Like what am I looking for?
- 29:16Speaker 3: Because so you, Emily, if you were my patient, you
- 29:20Speaker 3: would come in, you would have very detailed data driven questions,
- 29:25Speaker 3: you know, asking me how to you know, navigate this decision,
- 29:28Speaker 3: or you'd have no questions because you were to know
- 29:29Speaker 3: what you're doing. But whatever it is, it would be
- 29:31Speaker 3: very because you know you you're like, I want the data.
- 29:34Speaker 3: I want to look at it, I want to analyze it.
- 29:36Speaker 3: I want to make a decision that's right for me
- 29:37Speaker 3: and my family, And that's what you're looking for. Other
- 29:40Speaker 3: people are terrified of that, and other people don't want
- 29:42Speaker 3: to talk about these things because it just scares them.
- 29:45Speaker 3: And so some people want to just be told I
- 29:47Speaker 3: literally had this conversation with someone yesterday because it happens
- 29:50Speaker 3: all the time, because I was asked here, you know,
- 29:52Speaker 3: we have this conversation about something and she said to me,
- 29:55Speaker 3: you know what, these kinds of conversations just freak me out, right,
- 30:00Speaker 3: So is it okay if we just go about doing
- 30:04Speaker 3: things sort of regularly and you tell me if I
- 30:07Speaker 3: need to change something, right? And I was like, yeah,
- 30:09Speaker 3: that's fine with me. Like that works. I could do that,
- 30:12Speaker 3: like and the same thing, she was trying to decide
- 30:15Speaker 3: if she wanted a doulah in labor, right, and so
- 30:17Speaker 3: she's like, what are your thoughts on doula's. I'm like,
- 30:19Speaker 3: duelahs are great, you know. And we go through this
- 30:20Speaker 3: and this and this, and she said she spoke to
- 30:23Speaker 3: doula and the duela's giving her all this information and
- 30:24Speaker 3: it actually freaked her out. She goes, I don't want
- 30:27Speaker 3: a lot of information, Like I just want to show
- 30:29Speaker 3: up in labor and I want you to tell me
- 30:31Speaker 3: want to push, and I want you to tell me
- 30:33Speaker 3: if I need a C section. I want you to
- 30:34Speaker 3: tell me if there's a problem with the baby and
- 30:36Speaker 3: what I need to do. I'm like, I could do that, like,
- 30:38Speaker 3: no problem, right, So I'm fine. That's what she wanted
- 30:42Speaker 3: to get out of this, Whereas other people are very
- 30:44Speaker 3: very different obviously, So I think the first thing is
- 30:46Speaker 3: get us, like, do some introspecttion, like who am I?
- 30:49Speaker 3: What am I looking for? Am I looking to try
- 30:51Speaker 3: to make a lot of decisions on my own? Be
- 30:53Speaker 3: given choices, choose A versus B versus C, to know
- 30:56Speaker 3: the risk and benefits or all them? Or do I
- 30:58Speaker 3: just want to be told what to do right? And
- 31:00Speaker 3: I don't. I'm fine with all of these options, Like,
- 31:03Speaker 3: different people feel differently about their healthcare, and I think
- 31:06Speaker 3: that you also need to make sure your providers flexible
- 31:10Speaker 3: with that. Some providers really like one model versus the other,
- 31:14Speaker 3: and I think everyone needs to sort of try to
- 31:16Speaker 3: tailor it to what the patient wants and needs and not,
- 31:22Speaker 3: you know, to what someone expects or something like that.
- 31:24Speaker 3: So I think that'd be number one and number two.
- 31:27Speaker 3: If you have specific questions that you want answered, they
- 31:31Speaker 3: don't understand, write them down, write them down, write them
- 31:35Speaker 3: down on paper, put them on your phone, tattoo them
- 31:38Speaker 3: to your arm, Go with someone and give them the
- 31:41Speaker 3: list and say don't let me forget, like because time
- 31:44Speaker 3: with doctors are limited, and prioritize the questions you want.
- 31:48Speaker 3: So you may have six questions and you're like four,
- 31:50Speaker 3: five and six. I could probably google, but one, two,
- 31:52Speaker 3: and three I need to answer. I need to ask
- 31:54Speaker 3: this doctor it's very important to me, or I need
- 31:57Speaker 3: a precise answer. I need to know what he or
- 31:58Speaker 3: she thinks specifically. And when you start to visit, tell them.
- 32:03Speaker 3: I have six questions, right so, and I always tell
- 32:09Speaker 3: them first, like before we begin. I just want you
- 32:11Speaker 3: to know I've got five or six questions. Some are important,
- 32:14Speaker 3: some are minor. Do you think we can get to
- 32:16Speaker 3: them today? Because otherwise you're let's say, have a fifteen
- 32:20Speaker 3: minute WIZO of someone and we're doing this, and we're
- 32:21Speaker 3: bantering and blah blah bah, and the examine this, and
- 32:24Speaker 3: fourteen and a half minutes in she pulls out a
- 32:26Speaker 3: twelve page list of questions. Right, I'll say, like, listen,
- 32:30Speaker 3: we don't have time for that right now. I got
- 32:31Speaker 3: someone waiting to see me. Well, I mean, if I'm nice,
- 32:34Speaker 3: I'll do the best I can and try to schedule
- 32:36Speaker 3: something else. But if she told me on the front end,
- 32:38Speaker 3: I could cut out some of the banter. You know,
- 32:40Speaker 3: you can sort of maybe tailor it best. So have
- 32:45Speaker 3: an agenda when you come in. What do you And
- 32:47Speaker 3: you might want nothing? If you want nothing, fine, go in,
- 32:49Speaker 3: be seen, and go home. That's cool.
- 32:51Speaker 1: Also, okay, I'm now going to give you this is
- 32:54Speaker 1: a great overview, and I've now had an idea which
- 32:57Speaker 1: I'm going to give you some harder questions about, like
- 33:00Speaker 1: to navigate a situations that people tell me like I
- 33:05Speaker 1: didn't know what to do in this part of the conversation.
- 33:07Speaker 2: Okay, so are you are you ready?
- 33:10Speaker 3: Hit me? This is like this like speed round and
- 33:12Speaker 3: like Jeopardy speed Round or something sort of.
- 33:14Speaker 1: We're gonna all right, try first of all, in order
- 33:17Speaker 1: to ask you this question, I need to know what
- 33:19Speaker 1: is something in pregnancy where you think doctors often recommend
- 33:23Speaker 1: something but it's definitely not right, Like I was gonna say,
- 33:25Speaker 1: bed rest.
- 33:26Speaker 2: Can we agree bed rest is not a good idea?
- 33:29Speaker 3: I think yes, I think it's being recommended less and
- 33:31Speaker 3: less but fair. Yes.
- 33:32Speaker 1: Okay, So let's say let's say your doctor, you come in,
- 33:35Speaker 1: you say I've been having some you know, more Braxton
- 33:37Speaker 1: Hicks contractions, and your doctor says, what I recommend for
- 33:40Speaker 1: you is that you go on bed rest. You're thirty
- 33:43Speaker 1: two weeks, Just lay down in your bed, don't go
- 33:45Speaker 1: to your job, just lay down because I Braxton Hicks
- 33:47Speaker 1: contractions have some have some bed rest, and you know,
- 33:50Speaker 1: because you have read something or you're aware that that
- 33:54Speaker 1: is not a good recommendation, what do you say to
- 33:56Speaker 1: your doctor?
- 33:59Speaker 3: All right, yeah, all right, now we're getting really we're
- 34:03Speaker 3: getting We're getting in it. I'm rolling up my sleeves here.
- 34:04Speaker 3: So yeah, I think the short answer is it depends, right,
- 34:11Speaker 3: So it depends on your relationship with this person, It
- 34:15Speaker 3: depends on the nature of the practice you're seeing, and
- 34:20Speaker 3: it depends on are you the type of person who
- 34:24Speaker 3: is comfortable not listening to your doctor, Like just some
- 34:28Speaker 3: people like, yeah, yeah, whatever, I'm not doing that right,
- 34:30Speaker 3: you know? Are you that person You're like, no, my
- 34:32Speaker 3: doctor says it, and I will like not sleep at
- 34:34Speaker 3: night if I'm not listening to him or her. So, meaning,
- 34:38Speaker 3: if you have a very good relationship with the doctor
- 34:40Speaker 3: and this is someone who you know and you trust
- 34:43Speaker 3: and you've spoken to before, and you really have a sense,
- 34:45Speaker 3: you can push back a little and you could say
- 34:48Speaker 3: I hear you, thank you. Question, is this something you're
- 34:53Speaker 3: just advising because you think it's going to make my
- 34:55Speaker 3: life easier or do you think this is actually going
- 34:58Speaker 3: to prevent me from having a pre term birth. You
- 35:01Speaker 3: could say, because I've read a lot that people are
- 35:07Speaker 3: questioning the efficacy of bed rest, and you could say,
- 35:10Speaker 3: you could push all your covets. I'm not trying to,
- 35:12Speaker 3: you know, question you. I'm not saying that I know
- 35:14Speaker 3: more than you at whatever, but basically you know I'm
- 35:18Speaker 3: and you can say, can I push back a little
- 35:20Speaker 3: on that and ask and just politely very you know,
- 35:22Speaker 3: if you have a relationship with the person, and then
- 35:24Speaker 3: they might say to you, if they're good doctors, they
- 35:28Speaker 3: might say, yes, you're right, I don't think it's actually
- 35:32Speaker 3: going to cause you to stay pregnant longer. But in
- 35:34Speaker 3: my experience, a lot of people feel better, or they
- 35:39Speaker 3: feel like they're doing something, or it just seems to
- 35:42Speaker 3: have been helpful to many of my patients. And then
- 35:44Speaker 3: you can say, okay, I appreciate that. If I'm the
- 35:47Speaker 3: type of person who really doesn't want to be on
- 35:49Speaker 3: bed rest because it would drive me crazier because I
- 35:53Speaker 3: have a I have to do some sort of work,
- 35:55Speaker 3: or I have a kid to take care of. Do
- 35:57Speaker 3: you think it'd be dangerous if I did didn't go
- 36:00Speaker 3: on bed rest, or if I did if we found
- 36:02Speaker 3: somewhere in the middle, and if they were a good doctor,
- 36:03Speaker 3: they say, no, that sounds perfectly fine. Let's come up
- 36:05Speaker 3: with something and then boom, you've had a productive conversation
- 36:09Speaker 3: leading to a individualized plan of care for yourself. On
- 36:14Speaker 3: the other hand, if this is someone you don't know,
- 36:17Speaker 3: you don't trust, you never met before, you could either
- 36:21Speaker 3: try to have that conversation and you don't know how
- 36:24Speaker 3: it's going to play out, right they you could offend them,
- 36:27Speaker 3: you know, obviously unintentionally, or it could end up the
- 36:30Speaker 3: same way. Or maybe there's another doctor in that practice
- 36:34Speaker 3: who you trust, and you'll say, listen, I met and
- 36:38Speaker 3: you know he or she said this, and I'm I'm
- 36:40Speaker 3: not trying to question them, but it just seemed a
- 36:42Speaker 3: little bit aggressive for the situation. Can you give me
- 36:45Speaker 3: a second opinion and again, old on politely and if
- 36:48Speaker 3: you have a relationship with somebody that they'll probably help you.
- 36:50Speaker 3: If you're in a group where the doctors always just
- 36:53Speaker 3: say do this and this and this, and you know that,
- 36:55Speaker 3: or have a very strong sense that those recommendations are
- 36:59Speaker 3: maybe outdated or not evidence based, or they're not explaining
- 37:02Speaker 3: to you, well, maybe you need a new practice. Maybe
- 37:04Speaker 3: they're not the right people for you. And that's obviously
- 37:06Speaker 3: another big thing. How do you switch? When you switch? Right?
- 37:09Speaker 3: Is it worth it to switch? I mean, that's that's
- 37:11Speaker 3: a big thing. And I'm not advocating people switch. I
- 37:13Speaker 3: think for most doctors, at least that I know, and
- 37:17Speaker 3: most patients, if they had the conversation I was talking
- 37:21Speaker 3: about in a way that's you know, polite, not you know,
- 37:24Speaker 3: not combative, but just hey, can we talk about this.
- 37:28Speaker 3: Most doctors know enough to be able to have the conversation.
- 37:33Speaker 3: It's just hard to have that conversation with everybody on
- 37:36Speaker 3: day one, and so you make a recommendation of what
- 37:38Speaker 3: you think is best, and if the person pushes back
- 37:40Speaker 3: in a play way, you find a way that works
- 37:42Speaker 3: for them. And I think most doctors would be very
- 37:44Speaker 3: receptive to a conversation like that, and if they're not,
- 37:47Speaker 3: that's usually a red flag about how they, you know,
- 37:50Speaker 3: just address patients in general.
- 37:52Speaker 1: I mean, I think they're for a certain kind of question,
- 37:54Speaker 1: a certain kind of patient. Eventually, I think you have
- 37:56Speaker 1: to realize it's it's your fault. I had a I
- 37:59Speaker 1: have a colleague who at some point, you know, was
- 38:02Speaker 1: having something about what like when were they going to
- 38:04Speaker 1: induce and so on, and he and he texted me
- 38:06Speaker 1: and he was like, I don't think these doctors are experts.
- 38:09Speaker 2: In a basy and statistical updating. And I was like,
- 38:13Speaker 2: they're not. That's your job, but like they will be
- 38:16Speaker 2: delivering the baby, and.
- 38:17Speaker 1: It seems like maybe I should just listen to them.
- 38:19Speaker 1: At this point, Yes, I would have just want to
- 38:22Speaker 1: listen to them. And I was like that sounds great.
- 38:25Speaker 3: Right, I mean, there's there's definitely you know, that's actually
- 38:27Speaker 3: a really good point because sometimes people expect doctors to
- 38:30Speaker 3: get out of their comfort zone. So for example, like
- 38:33Speaker 3: there's certain things that are done routinely, they're done by everybody,
- 38:35Speaker 3: they're recommended by everybody, and then someone brings in, like
- 38:38Speaker 3: I want you to do it differently, and they bring
- 38:40Speaker 3: it forty five research papers because this is how they're
- 38:43Speaker 3: doing it in France and this or this or this,
- 38:44Speaker 3: and it's and then you sort of you've now elevated
- 38:48Speaker 3: the conversation to like an academic one, right, And for
- 38:52Speaker 3: most doctors, like they need to just take care of you,
- 38:55Speaker 3: like they need to do what they're comfortable with and
- 38:57Speaker 3: what they're used to. You're like you don't want to
- 38:58Speaker 3: try to push your doctor out of their box, right
- 39:01Speaker 3: out of their comfort zone, because nobody, nobody wins in
- 39:06Speaker 3: that situation. And so at a certain point you have
- 39:10Speaker 3: to just say, this is the these are the parameters
- 39:13Speaker 3: my doctor has for better or worse, and if we're
- 39:17Speaker 3: going outside those, it's probably just not going to work
- 39:19Speaker 3: anymore because they're just not going to be comfortable. And
- 39:22Speaker 3: you don't want a doctor who's uncomfortable in the situation
- 39:24Speaker 3: that's not good for your care.
- 39:26Speaker 1: Okay, I have one more question for you, and then
- 39:28Speaker 1: I think Tamor has a question.
- 39:29Speaker 2: Uh So mine is the following.
- 39:32Speaker 1: I imagine I'm at the doctor and they say something
- 39:35Speaker 1: and I don't understand what it is or what it
- 39:39Speaker 1: means in the moment. The question is sort of when
- 39:42Speaker 1: do I how do I try to come back from that?
- 39:43Speaker 1: So let me give you a specific example. So sap
- 39:46Speaker 1: into a friend of mine recently. The doctor's measuring the
- 39:50Speaker 1: fundel height and they they're thirty person thirty four weeks
- 39:54Speaker 1: along and the doctor's measuring the funnel height and she says, I,
- 39:56Speaker 1: you're measuring thirty two, and then she moves on and
- 39:59Speaker 1: she just says her measurement is thirty two, and she
- 40:01Speaker 1: doesn't say what that number is, how it relates, whether
- 40:04Speaker 1: they're considered just to measuring you thirty two, everything's fine.
- 40:07Speaker 1: And then reflecting on this later, my friend was like,
- 40:11Speaker 1: does that like, I'm thirty four?
- 40:13Speaker 2: Should it have been thirty four? What does this number
- 40:15Speaker 2: actually mean?
- 40:16Speaker 1: And you know that particular example, you could you could
- 40:20Speaker 1: sort of look it up. But the question of if
- 40:22Speaker 1: somebody says something I don't understand, how do I pull
- 40:25Speaker 1: it back into something I do understand?
- 40:28Speaker 2: How do I ask that?
- 40:29Speaker 3: Yeah? I mean I think in that precise situation. You know,
- 40:33Speaker 3: if I were the patient and the doctor said that
- 40:35Speaker 3: to me, I would just say, pardon me? Is is
- 40:41Speaker 3: thirty two good? Is thirty two bad? Right? What thirty two? What? Right?
- 40:45Speaker 3: Thirty two? What? And is that a good or bad thing?
- 40:47Speaker 3: And the doctor say say, oh, I'm measuring your the
- 40:48Speaker 3: height of your uterus and it's thirty two centimeters and
- 40:51Speaker 3: usually it's around the same as you're just acial agent weeks.
- 40:54Speaker 3: But if it's within two or three, that's perfectly fine,
- 40:56Speaker 3: and that's normal and everything looks good. Right, So thirty
- 40:58Speaker 3: if you're thirty four and it's measuring thirty two, thirty three,
- 41:00Speaker 3: thirty four, thirty five, thirty six. We don't make much
- 41:03Speaker 3: of it. It's very imprecise. That's a perfect screen. That's it.
- 41:06Speaker 3: That's all it takes.
- 41:07Speaker 2: And I think in partly there is just like I
- 41:09Speaker 2: think people.
- 41:10Speaker 1: Are just the message of like not being reluctant to ask,
- 41:14Speaker 1: just like if somebody says something, you know, understand to
- 41:16Speaker 1: be like what, sorry, excuse me, what does that mean?
- 41:18Speaker 2: And she has anything from it?
- 41:19Speaker 3: Yeah? Again, doctors, you know, we're we're an interesting bunch doctors, right,
- 41:25Speaker 3: So we have a lot of things we got to do.
- 41:27Speaker 3: We got a lot of things on our mind. There's
- 41:29Speaker 3: a lot of things that we're trying to do. In
- 41:30Speaker 3: every visit. We're always you know, not always, we're almost
- 41:33Speaker 3: always you know, busy or in a rush or this
- 41:35Speaker 3: or that. But we also want to take good care
- 41:38Speaker 3: of people and we want people to understand what's going on.
- 41:41Speaker 3: And we don't like it's not our intention to confuse people.
- 41:45Speaker 3: We just confuse people because we're not perfect people, right,
- 41:48Speaker 3: and so sometimes we say things and for us it's
- 41:52Speaker 3: it's like common sense or nature. We've done it a
- 41:54Speaker 3: million times in the past week. And we forget that
- 41:56Speaker 3: it's not like that for the person on the other end.
- 41:58Speaker 3: And again, because we're we're fallible, we're humans, and so
- 42:02Speaker 3: we don't always communicate in the way we're trying to.
- 42:05Speaker 3: But the goal is so that the person understands what
- 42:08Speaker 3: the hell we're talking about. And so if I'm saying
- 42:10Speaker 3: something and someone just like you know, interrupts me or
- 42:13Speaker 3: raises their hand and says, can I ask you a question?
- 42:15Speaker 3: And they say, I really don't understand what you're talking about,
- 42:18Speaker 3: or can you explain that again? Or I have a
- 42:20Speaker 3: question about what you said or this, I'm like great, Like,
- 42:23Speaker 3: thank you for telling me that. Let me explain it
- 42:25Speaker 3: in a way you understand, because I don't want you
- 42:27Speaker 3: to walk out of here confused. Number one, like, that's
- 42:31Speaker 3: not good for anybody. Number two, I wouldn't feel good
- 42:33Speaker 3: about myself. And number three, it's definitely not going to
- 42:37Speaker 3: work in the long run because you're gonna come back
- 42:38Speaker 3: with questions or you're going to like it. Confusion is
- 42:40Speaker 3: not good for anyone, even the doctor. No one wins.
- 42:43Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think one of the issues here is
- 42:45Speaker 1: just an issue of language that, like when you are
- 42:47Speaker 1: doing something all the time, you develop a shorthand, you
- 42:50Speaker 1: develop a jargon, you develop a set of words, and
- 42:52Speaker 1: you use them, and sometimes you forget that like, not
- 42:56Speaker 1: everyone is managed this too. I told my team the
- 42:58Speaker 1: other day that I thought something was orthogonal to something else,
- 43:01Speaker 1: and they were like, that's not a word that like regular,
- 43:04Speaker 1: that's not how the regular people talk.
- 43:06Speaker 2: And it was like, what is that?
- 43:07Speaker 1: And I was like, Oh, isn't that That's not how it's.
- 43:10Speaker 3: I would say that if again, if someone knows that
- 43:14Speaker 3: they're the type of person again who likes to understand
- 43:16Speaker 3: what's going on and be sort of on top of everything,
- 43:20Speaker 3: one of the ways to combat this issue is again
- 43:23Speaker 3: to ask questions and feel comfortable to ask questions, which
- 43:25Speaker 3: is greatly encouraged. But I would say the other one
- 43:28Speaker 3: is do a little prep work on the front end,
- 43:31Speaker 3: meaning sort of have a general sense of what's going
- 43:34Speaker 3: to happen in the prenatal visits. And that could be
- 43:36Speaker 3: from a bajillion sources. Again, whether it's one of your
- 43:39Speaker 3: terrific books, whether it's from this podcast, my podcast, a website,
- 43:43Speaker 3: you like, a book, you like whatever, anything that sort
- 43:46Speaker 3: of is useful to you and speaks to you. Have
- 43:50Speaker 3: a sense, like what normally gets done in the first trimester,
- 43:53Speaker 3: what normally gets done in a prenatal visit, what typically
- 43:55Speaker 3: happens when you're in labor and delivery, just general general
- 43:59Speaker 3: general stuff. Some people take classes like birth classes, Like no,
- 44:02Speaker 3: they're very rarely anymore like lamas because people since ninety
- 44:07Speaker 3: plus percent of people get up at durals, people don't
- 44:09Speaker 3: need all the like pain training stuff. So birth classes
- 44:12Speaker 3: now are very much like birth one on one. It's
- 44:15Speaker 3: like just education comes out of yeah baby and so yeah,
- 44:20Speaker 3: so like those types of things. So if you so,
- 44:23Speaker 3: if someone walked in knowing that measuring the height of
- 44:26Speaker 3: the uterus is something doctors do and what it means
- 44:29Speaker 3: and what's normal it's not normal, they would have then said, oh,
- 44:32Speaker 3: thirty two on thirty four, that's good, and they wouldn't
- 44:34Speaker 3: even had a question. And so that's another way to
- 44:37Speaker 3: try to combat that is a little bit of prep
- 44:39Speaker 3: work might reduce some of those confusions.
- 44:43Speaker 1: So tomorrow is about seven months pregnant, and tomorrow do
- 44:47Speaker 1: you have questions for me?
- 44:49Speaker 2: Do I?
- 44:50Speaker 3: Yes?
- 44:50Speaker 5: I did?
- 44:51Speaker 3: Do I?
- 44:54Speaker 5: Well, this was actually this was this was a good segue. Well,
- 44:58Speaker 5: in talking a lot about kind the fear of the unknown,
- 45:01Speaker 5: you know, I mean, these are a lot of new mothers.
- 45:04Speaker 5: You know, these are mothers who haven't been pregnant before,
- 45:07Speaker 5: and so all of this feels very brand new. And
- 45:12Speaker 5: the more kids you have, I've actually discovered, and the
- 45:16Speaker 5: more pregnancies you go through. I'm on my third right now,
- 45:20Speaker 5: some things I'm much more relaxed about, and others it
- 45:24Speaker 5: feels like this is just like more bites of the
- 45:27Speaker 5: apple for what could go wrong, and that I don't
- 45:30Speaker 5: want to get too comfortable thinking that I know pregnancy
- 45:33Speaker 5: and thinking that I know my body. And I've been
- 45:36Speaker 5: actually really surprised this time around how anxious I've been that,
- 45:40Speaker 5: you know, I've had two healthy pregnancies, but it could
- 45:43Speaker 5: all go to hell with this third, and I'll be
- 45:46Speaker 5: completely unprepared because I thought I knew how I you know,
- 45:50Speaker 5: what it was going to be like. And so I wonder,
- 45:54Speaker 5: you know, what do you say to your pregnant women
- 45:57Speaker 5: knew who This isn't their first rodeo, but they've still
- 46:01Speaker 5: come to you with these kinds of anxieties. Is it
- 46:03Speaker 5: a different kind of conversation? Do you kind of still
- 46:07Speaker 5: have to have the conversation about low risk. It's not
- 46:11Speaker 5: really a lightning round kind of question, but I'm curious
- 46:14Speaker 5: kind of you know, how do you handle people who
- 46:18Speaker 5: are still anxious even though they kind of know the
- 46:21Speaker 5: nuts and bolts of what's going on.
- 46:23Speaker 3: So I don't think that what you're describing or experiencing
- 46:28Speaker 3: is particularly uncommon. I think that one of the joys
- 46:35Speaker 3: of being youthful is you're ignorant of all the things
- 46:39Speaker 3: that could happen in this world. And as we age,
- 46:42Speaker 3: and as we have more kids, and as we have
- 46:44Speaker 3: more life experiences, you start to realize, oh, dear, like
- 46:50Speaker 3: there's you know, things can happen. And that's true from
- 46:52Speaker 3: our own experiences and from family and friends. And so
- 46:58Speaker 3: while your knowledge might be greater now than it was then,
- 47:04Speaker 3: your experience is much different now than it was then.
- 47:08Speaker 3: And this comes up for example, this happens a lot
- 47:11Speaker 3: actually with like genetic screening. Right, So someone in their
- 47:15Speaker 3: first pregnancy might say, you know, all my screening tests
- 47:18Speaker 3: were normal. The chance this baby has a genetic condition
- 47:21Speaker 3: is very, very low. I'm done. I'm not doing an
- 47:23Speaker 3: invasive test, a CBS or an amnio, perfectly reasonable choice.
- 47:27Speaker 3: Second pregnancy, all my tests are normal. My screening test
- 47:30Speaker 3: is normal. Everything looks good, my chance having a baby,
- 47:33Speaker 3: the genetic abnormality is very low. I'm not going to
- 47:35Speaker 3: do an invasive test. And in the third pregnancy screening
- 47:39Speaker 3: tests are normal, everything looks great. Chance of having a baby,
- 47:42Speaker 3: the genetic abnormality is exact same, very very low. And
- 47:44Speaker 3: they're like, you know what, I'm doing an invasive test
- 47:47Speaker 3: and why, Well, you know, I've lived a little I've
- 47:51Speaker 3: got two kids and the impact of my family would
- 47:54Speaker 3: be different, or a friend of mine had a baby
- 47:57Speaker 3: with this and that, and so now I just think
- 47:59Speaker 3: of the world different or whatever it is. And that's
- 48:02Speaker 3: totally normal. Your risk hasn't changed, your knowledge is anything
- 48:07Speaker 3: is higher, but your experiences lead you to make different
- 48:10Speaker 3: decisions because you have different things that were you right.
- 48:14Speaker 3: So you might not be as worried about let's say,
- 48:17Speaker 3: you know this complication, but you're more worried about this
- 48:19Speaker 3: complication and that's totally normal. So definitely, I wouldn't have
- 48:25Speaker 3: any like angst over the fact that you feel that way,
- 48:27Speaker 3: because that's very typical, or maybe not very typical, but
- 48:30Speaker 3: it's common. A lot of people have that, and so
- 48:33Speaker 3: addressing is really being very focused, like what is it
- 48:37Speaker 3: you're concerned about right this time around, and trying to
- 48:40Speaker 3: address it and say, Okay, is it a concern that
- 48:43Speaker 3: has always been there and you just never knew about it,
- 48:46Speaker 3: and or is it something that's actually new, or is
- 48:50Speaker 3: it something where we can do something to mitigate that
- 48:53Speaker 3: that we didn't do previously, Like maybe in your first
- 48:57Speaker 3: pregnancy you had visits once a month and in this
- 49:00Speaker 3: pregnancy you'd rather have them every two weeks, you know,
- 49:02Speaker 3: or vice versa. Right, anything could be in any direction.
- 49:05Speaker 3: You can sometimes tailor some of the aspects of your
- 49:09Speaker 3: prenatal care to address your specific concerns in this pregnancy,
- 49:13Speaker 3: And that's totally fine, because concern is not always that
- 49:17Speaker 3: the data has changed. It could just be that your
- 49:20Speaker 3: impression or your analysis of the data has changed, because
- 49:24Speaker 3: a lot of it is subjective.
- 49:25Speaker 5: Yeah, when I was actually trying to get pregnant, I
- 49:28Speaker 5: had a conversation with Emily about it because I'm forty
- 49:33Speaker 5: one now and it took just a little longer than
- 49:38Speaker 5: it did when I was thirty five, and Emily gave
- 49:41Speaker 5: me creat she's really her outs right now. She gave
- 49:45Speaker 5: me great advice, which is that the data and risk
- 49:48Speaker 5: don't care about juju, like it didn't care about how
- 49:53Speaker 5: I kind of felt like there was some sort of
- 49:55Speaker 5: karmic fear that you know, your luck runs out at
- 50:01Speaker 5: a certain point, and I needed to hear that.
- 50:04Speaker 2: And then you immediately got pregnant, like the next day.
- 50:06Speaker 3: Yeah, I like, so.
- 50:10Speaker 1: There you go, Nate, this is a delight. Oh we
- 50:18Speaker 1: had a little prenatal visit. We had a little data.
- 50:21Speaker 1: Thank you for being here.
- 50:22Speaker 3: It's my pleasure tomorrow. Feel well, you look great.
- 50:24Speaker 5: Thank you.
- 50:27Speaker 3: What a love louis saying?
- 50:29Speaker 5: How much lovely.
- 50:33Speaker 3: Having my favor?
- 50:37Speaker 5: What a love louis.
- 50:39Speaker 3: Say, Let you think of.
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- 50:50Speaker 1: If you have thoughts on this episode, please join the
- 50:52Speaker 1: conversation on my Instagram at prof Emily Astar, and if
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