Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / How To Heal After Heartbreak with Ashley Hebert & Whitney Angel: Will You Accept This Advice?

Transcript

How To Heal After Heartbreak with Ashley Hebert & Whitney Angel: Will You Accept This Advice? · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: This is the Almost Famous podcast with iHeartRadio. Hey everybody,
0:06
Speaker 1: it's Trista Setter and I'm back with you on the
0:09
Speaker 1: Will You Accept This Advice podcast on Almost Famous. I
0:12
Speaker 1: am so excited about my guest today. There are two
0:15
Speaker 1: of my close Bachelor Nation friends and family, Ashley Avert
0:21
Speaker 1: and Whitney Angel, and I'm here to talk to them
0:23
Speaker 1: today about navigating breakups and divorce and actually all kinds
0:28
Speaker 1: of other things because they're both moms and I just
0:31
Speaker 1: love them both and think that this conversation is going
0:35
Speaker 1: to be one that you're going to want to listen to.
0:37
Speaker 1: So let's bring Ashley and Whitney in Hi. It's so
0:42
Speaker 1: good to see your beautiful faces. Thank you for coming on.
0:46
Speaker 1: Cour Yes, I'm doing this little series that you know,
0:48
Speaker 1: who knows, maybe we'll do some more of them. I'm
0:51
Speaker 1: I would love to, but I figured it would be
0:54
Speaker 1: a great opportunity to talk to some of my favorite
0:57
Speaker 1: ladies in Bachelor Nation and just talk about, you know,
1:01
Speaker 1: things that maybe they have a little bit more expertise
1:04
Speaker 1: than all of us on. And you know, please, all
1:07
Speaker 1: of us have expertise on breaking up all of us.
1:11
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I don't want to call you
1:14
Speaker 1: guys experts in breaking up, because that's definitely not who
1:17
Speaker 1: you are to me. But I feel like you definitely have,
1:21
Speaker 1: you know, a little bit of advice for all of
1:24
Speaker 1: our all of our listeners on kind of how to
1:28
Speaker 1: navigate it, because you go, you both did it so gracefully,
1:32
Speaker 1: and I feel like, so beautifully in the public eye,
1:35
Speaker 1: because that's freaking hard in the public eye, so freaking hard.
1:40
Speaker 1: So Okay, Ashley, you and JP divorced six years ago?
1:44
Speaker 1: Is that right?
1:45
Speaker 2: Let me get my calculator out years ago? Yeah? Carry
1:51
Speaker 2: the one Yeah, I think.
1:53
Speaker 1: Carry the one step and Whitney, you and Chris you
1:59
Speaker 1: broke off the engageant. What year was that? Two thousand and.
2:02
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness of fifteen. Yes, yes, we did not
2:07
Speaker 3: last as long as Ashley and JP did, but yeah,
2:13
Speaker 3: it was pretty shortly after the show had aired and
2:16
Speaker 3: Dancing with the Stars and all of that, and still
2:19
Speaker 3: very public.
2:20
Speaker 1: Very public, extremely public. I mean, that was it was
2:24
Speaker 1: big back then. And gosh, I feel like for everybody
2:28
Speaker 1: who's been through the show, I'm always like, oh, they're
2:29
Speaker 1: going to make it, They're going to make it, They're
2:31
Speaker 1: going to make it. And you were one of those
2:32
Speaker 1: couples they're going to make it.
2:37
Speaker 2: I thought that for a little bit.
2:38
Speaker 3: I did, and then I quickly realized, oh lord, we
2:41
Speaker 3: are not in this. And I knew it was coming.
2:42
Speaker 3: I knew the impending doom of this is coming and
2:45
Speaker 3: it's going to be so public. Oh my gosh, how
2:47
Speaker 3: am I going to do this?
2:49
Speaker 2: Whitney, I don't think we've ever met?
2:50
Speaker 1: No, yay, I was going to ask that.
2:53
Speaker 2: I'm googling because I'm not in to know with everything.
2:57
Speaker 2: So I'm a little like space that right now.
3:00
Speaker 1: So we Ashley is always the person that is texting
3:04
Speaker 1: me going like if we have a reunion or something.
3:06
Speaker 1: She's like, Okay, you're gonna have to tell me who
3:08
Speaker 1: is who and who is who?
3:11
Speaker 2: I'm so disconnected from it that I and I'm I
3:14
Speaker 2: don't know. I just feel like it was like a
3:16
Speaker 2: lifetime ago for me, so I'm not in the know.
3:19
Speaker 2: So wait, I'm okay, I need I need the background,
3:22
Speaker 2: I need everything.
3:23
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, Waitney, you take it away?
3:26
Speaker 3: Oh gosh, Okay, Well, so let's see season nineteen was
3:31
Speaker 3: carysal season right, and I get it's so funny, like
3:37
Speaker 3: I got the final Rose people are like.
3:39
Speaker 2: You won.
3:39
Speaker 3: I'm like, did I win? I don't really know if
3:42
Speaker 3: that's like what you want to call it, but I
3:45
Speaker 3: did get the final Rose. And it is funny because
3:49
Speaker 3: I feel like at that stage, and I think you
3:51
Speaker 3: guys can all relate to this. We went on this
3:53
Speaker 3: show there was really no social media or was just
3:57
Speaker 3: starting out. It was just so much more authentic. It
3:59
Speaker 3: wasn't to know the brand, it wasn't to be famous,
4:05
Speaker 3: you know. So I truly did go on that show
4:07
Speaker 3: thinking like, I'm going to meet my husband and we
4:09
Speaker 3: are going to live happily ever after. And I even
4:13
Speaker 3: believed that, you know, once the show had wrapped, until
4:16
Speaker 3: real life started to ensue, and I'm thinking this is
4:20
Speaker 3: this isn't going to work. And I mean I think
4:22
Speaker 3: he likely thought that too, and we did try to
4:25
Speaker 3: make it work, but nothing was real life. We moved
4:27
Speaker 3: to California and it was Dancing with the Stars, and
4:30
Speaker 3: here I am thinking, I don't want the fame of this.
4:33
Speaker 3: I want to go back to my normal life. And
4:36
Speaker 3: I think that's probably Ashley where you're like, I don't
4:38
Speaker 3: even remember her, because as soon as it was done,
4:40
Speaker 3: I just retreated back to normal life.
4:42
Speaker 2: I was.
4:43
Speaker 3: It was just too much for me, the anxiety, the
4:45
Speaker 3: public eye of it all.
4:46
Speaker 2: So at the end, did you kind of know like
4:48
Speaker 2: when you won, did you know, like, did you did
4:53
Speaker 2: you question things? Did you have a lot of doubt
4:56
Speaker 2: in that moment immediately?
4:57
Speaker 3: But you know, I'm questioning too, like with you you guys,
5:01
Speaker 3: I couldn't watch it back, but just the public scrutiny
5:05
Speaker 3: and people watching it and people being like he didn't
5:07
Speaker 3: want to choose you and all of.
5:08
Speaker 2: That just got in my head.
5:10
Speaker 3: Yeah I probably didn't and who cares, Like it is
5:13
Speaker 3: what it is, But at that moment, it was impacting
5:16
Speaker 3: me not to mention Dancing with the Stars. And he
5:19
Speaker 3: was partnered with another girl named Whitney, So I'm like
5:23
Speaker 3: competing with another Whitney after I'd just been competing with
5:26
Speaker 3: thirty other girls. It just felt like I was constantly
5:28
Speaker 3: trying to be chosen after I thought I was chosen,
5:32
Speaker 3: if that makes sense.
5:33
Speaker 1: But in my mind, we're chosen.
5:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, in my mind, it was still a battle.
5:37
Speaker 2: It was still a.
5:38
Speaker 1: Battle for sure, And honestly, I feel like with all
5:41
Speaker 1: that was going on Dancing with the Stars, especially, do
5:45
Speaker 1: you feel like you had a voice in being able
5:48
Speaker 1: to say like this is not I don't feel comfortable
5:52
Speaker 1: with this, or I would rather go back to Iowa
5:56
Speaker 1: and be on the farm, or you know, do you
5:58
Speaker 1: feel like you had a voice at all?
6:00
Speaker 3: I mean I had a voice, but it wasn't necessarily
6:04
Speaker 3: being listened to, right. And I think, and again when
6:07
Speaker 3: I'm saying this, if I was put in that position too,
6:10
Speaker 3: with a once in a lifetime opportunity to be in
6:12
Speaker 3: Dancing with the Stars, I would have taken it as well.
6:15
Speaker 3: So I'm not I don't want to say that I'm
6:17
Speaker 3: you know, ridiculing that, but it definitely was not what
6:21
Speaker 3: I wanted at the end of the day, and in
6:24
Speaker 3: the end, I think it was partially to the detriment
6:27
Speaker 3: of everything.
6:27
Speaker 2: I think that when you leave the show, it's such
6:29
Speaker 2: a vulnerable time, like that time, whatever you do with
6:33
Speaker 2: your time once you leave the show with your significant other,
6:36
Speaker 2: that three months is critical. So I feel like if
6:39
Speaker 2: you went on Dancing with the Stars, that's just another
6:41
Speaker 2: hurdle for you to cross, and it's like you can't
6:43
Speaker 2: you can't really make a solid foundation for a relationship
6:48
Speaker 2: because like I said, those three months are critical JP
6:50
Speaker 2: and I I think we went to New York, and
6:53
Speaker 2: I like, we lived, you know, like back and forth
6:56
Speaker 2: in New York, but we lived a real life, like
6:58
Speaker 2: we went out for coffee in the morning, established a foundation,
7:01
Speaker 2: which is why I think we were able to maybe
7:03
Speaker 2: do things later. But I feel like that time period
7:07
Speaker 2: is so critical once you leave the show, so that
7:09
Speaker 2: sucks for you. I'm sorry, yeah, and I don't feel like,
7:12
Speaker 2: I don't know whatever, whatever, you.
7:14
Speaker 3: Now, It all worked out girl in the end. Here
7:17
Speaker 3: we are a decade later, and it's all good.
7:19
Speaker 1: It always does.
7:20
Speaker 3: I think you're absolutely right. I think those months are pivotal,
7:24
Speaker 3: and I think that at that point my self confidence
7:27
Speaker 3: was so low. Did you feel like your self confidence
7:31
Speaker 3: got impacted by the show? I felt like I went
7:33
Speaker 3: on feeling like I was a confident woman and I
7:35
Speaker 3: came off feeling so not. I don't know, maybe that
7:38
Speaker 3: was just me.
7:40
Speaker 1: You know, looking back, because taking my it was different
7:44
Speaker 1: from me because on the Bachelor, I was the runner up, right,
7:47
Speaker 1: So of course my confidence plummeted because I was like, well,
7:50
Speaker 1: he didn't pick me. But then for Bachelorette and obviously
7:54
Speaker 1: ending up with Ryan, I was like, okay, this worked,
7:58
Speaker 1: Like we're made for each other and it worked and
8:01
Speaker 1: I'm really happy. So I think it's just a different
8:04
Speaker 1: situation obviously for me compared to you and I, Ashley.
8:08
Speaker 1: You can speak to your experience.
8:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think when I went on, I was
8:14
Speaker 2: in like I was at whatever, I was in dental
8:16
Speaker 2: school at the time, and I knew I was awesome,
8:19
Speaker 2: So I was like, yes, this is gonna be great.
8:22
Speaker 2: But then what happened with me is like even some
8:25
Speaker 2: girls on my season, like I heard through the grapevine
8:28
Speaker 2: that they're like, why did they pick her? Like she's this,
8:31
Speaker 2: she's that. Like, I felt like there was negativity around
8:35
Speaker 2: me being selected. So I think that's what affected me.
8:38
Speaker 2: It was like I know I'm awesome in my heart,
8:42
Speaker 2: you know, but like I felt like people didn't like
8:45
Speaker 2: didn't know me well enough, or like I felt like
8:48
Speaker 2: maybe I wasn't pretty enough. Like I don't know, I
8:51
Speaker 2: just I started to have insecurities based on what other
8:54
Speaker 2: people were saying when I was selected. So that's where
8:57
Speaker 2: I went down.
8:58
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I feel like and and now it's like
9:01
Speaker 1: the social media, so like Ashley Our day and age,
9:05
Speaker 1: it was the like word of mouth that you hear
9:07
Speaker 1: from like the whatever. But then but now it's social media,
9:11
Speaker 1: and gosh, I definitely feel like even though I mean,
9:16
Speaker 1: we all live in the world of social media, and Whitney,
9:19
Speaker 1: maybe not you as much, just because you know, well Ashley,
9:23
Speaker 1: you too, like both of you like not.
9:25
Speaker 2: As much social media.
9:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like whatever. I mean, for your for your business.
9:30
Speaker 2: Look cute. Let me post a picture by They say.
9:36
Speaker 1: So true my birthday. Now it's so true. But I
9:43
Speaker 1: feel like, still you're you're you know, you're in the
9:46
Speaker 1: public eye still a little bit, so, you know, you
9:50
Speaker 1: have a social media presence, and I feel like just
9:53
Speaker 1: trolls are out there, and it's still so hard for me,
9:56
Speaker 1: even though I know that it doesn't matter what they say.
10:00
Speaker 1: One person, I mean literally one person. I just was
10:03
Speaker 1: going through like Facebook messages or something to find something
10:08
Speaker 1: I don't even know what it was, and I found
10:10
Speaker 1: this whole This woman had just constantly been sending me
10:14
Speaker 1: these horrible, horrible messages saying cut my hair, you look old,
10:18
Speaker 1: blah blah blah whatever, all this stuff, like just about
10:21
Speaker 1: my physical appearance mostly and it like it it did
10:26
Speaker 1: something to me, and I'm like, why am I letting
10:28
Speaker 1: her do that? I can't. So I feel like it's
10:31
Speaker 1: the same with like the word of mouth stuff, you know,
10:34
Speaker 1: And I think that is something that everyone can learn from. Really,
10:40
Speaker 1: you need to know your own worth and not let
10:44
Speaker 1: that come from anyone, including the person that you might
10:48
Speaker 1: be engaged to or you might be married to.
10:51
Speaker 2: Right right, different ballgame, now.
10:54
Speaker 1: Different ballgame. I mean, I can't even imagine dating in
10:59
Speaker 1: the social media world.
11:00
Speaker 2: So I'm not into social media anymore, just because I
11:04
Speaker 2: you know, I feel like us as women, like we
11:06
Speaker 2: have so many things going on, Like I have this
11:08
Speaker 2: much space in my brain and what as I'm getting older,
11:12
Speaker 2: I have this much am I getting smaller every year?
11:17
Speaker 2: But I feel like this is some capacity. I have
11:21
Speaker 2: an energy I have to put towards things that are
11:23
Speaker 2: important to me. And what happened with social media with
11:26
Speaker 2: me is like when JP and I got divorced, I
11:28
Speaker 2: got so much hate, like why did you break up
11:30
Speaker 2: your family? How could you break up with him? Like
11:33
Speaker 2: you destroyed your family, you went on vacation after you
11:36
Speaker 2: got divorced, like so much weird, like woman hate, And
11:41
Speaker 2: I'm like, first off, you wouldn't know, well I wouldn't.
11:44
Speaker 2: I don't respond, but you don't know what happens, Like,
11:48
Speaker 2: how could you come and say this when you have
11:50
Speaker 2: no idea what happened? Anyway, So I felt myself taking
11:53
Speaker 2: someone my great positive energy in this bubble and using it,
11:58
Speaker 2: wasting my time on that when there are so many
12:01
Speaker 2: great things in my life, my kids, my job, my
12:04
Speaker 2: beautiful life. So I said to myself, you know what,
12:08
Speaker 2: not worth it? I'm getting older, my box gets smaller
12:12
Speaker 2: every year. I'm going to focus on the things. I'm
12:15
Speaker 2: going to focus my energy on the people that love me,
12:17
Speaker 2: on the people that know me, on the things I
12:19
Speaker 2: love to do, on my kids, on things are going
12:21
Speaker 2: to push me forward. So then I said, by social media.
12:24
Speaker 2: So I just kind of stopped, like altogether.
12:38
Speaker 1: Did you take it off your phone or do you
12:40
Speaker 1: just not look at your phone? Like how do you
12:42
Speaker 1: do that?
12:44
Speaker 2: It's not that I it's on my phone. I look
12:47
Speaker 2: at it. I don't post. I don't let people in
12:51
Speaker 2: as much like I don't post my political thoughts because
12:55
Speaker 2: it's totally I don't understand how people can do that
13:00
Speaker 2: and like the hate that they get for whatever they
13:02
Speaker 2: believe in, Like, how could you use your good daily
13:06
Speaker 2: energy on people you don't know like fighting with.
13:08
Speaker 1: People, you don't, yeah, because you're never gonna win, right.
13:12
Speaker 2: You're never gonna win. I don't have the mental capacity.
13:14
Speaker 2: I don't know about you guys, but like, I just
13:16
Speaker 2: have so many other things going on that I rather
13:19
Speaker 2: choose my energy. So anyway, that's that. I mean, I
13:21
Speaker 2: still love to trust, like all over kids are getting older.
13:26
Speaker 2: That's so often, right, super positivity, I don't know if
13:30
Speaker 2: that helps, and.
13:31
Speaker 3: I do love so for that and I feel like
13:33
Speaker 3: it can connect people in a lot of positive ways.
13:35
Speaker 3: But I'm like, similarly, Ashley, like I did the same thing.
13:37
Speaker 3: I was getting so much hate and it became so
13:40
Speaker 3: much that it really was just impacting my mental health
13:43
Speaker 3: that I just couldn't do it anymore. And people are
13:46
Speaker 3: so especially now, they're so confused after like trying, you know,
13:50
Speaker 3: I'm starting my own business and all of that, and
13:52
Speaker 3: people are like, you have such a platform, like why
13:55
Speaker 3: aren't you using it to try to help get your
13:58
Speaker 3: bill out of the ground and reach people. I'm like,
14:00
Speaker 3: I just can't I just have this. I mean, I
14:02
Speaker 3: still utilize it in a sense, but I'm very very
14:06
Speaker 3: protective on what I put on my own personal page.
14:08
Speaker 3: And yeah, I just I don't. I'm a little you know,
14:13
Speaker 3: nervous about what are people going to say about this? Still,
14:16
Speaker 3: all of these years later, I still feel that way.
14:20
Speaker 3: And you know, I worry too about like our kids
14:22
Speaker 3: with social media, because I know as an adult how
14:26
Speaker 3: much it impacts me. And I think, you know, I
14:28
Speaker 3: look at them, and I think it can just and
14:31
Speaker 3: it impacts everything, mental health, self worth, what we're talking about,
14:35
Speaker 3: and to me, I just then I'm like, forget it.
14:36
Speaker 3: I'm not even dealing with it, and I just turn
14:38
Speaker 3: a blind eye.
14:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think you need to. And I think
14:43
Speaker 1: if I can impart any wisdom on you guys about
14:46
Speaker 1: since you have younger kids's just keep it out of
14:49
Speaker 1: their hands for as long as possible, right, you know? Yeah?
14:53
Speaker 1: Just I we pushed it and pushed it and pushed it,
14:56
Speaker 1: and it just it is overwhe even for adults. I
15:01
Speaker 1: feel like it's really hard to not get sucked in
15:05
Speaker 1: because I mean I'll go on to find find something like, oh,
15:11
Speaker 1: what was that quote or what was that outfit or
15:13
Speaker 1: what was whatever? I'm looking for something, right, and then
15:18
Speaker 1: five minutes later, ten twenty thirty minutes later, I'm like,
15:21
Speaker 1: what the hell was I just like I just went
15:24
Speaker 1: down the rabbit hole. It just sucks you in and
15:29
Speaker 1: and takes away this valuable time that you're talking about, Ashley.
15:33
Speaker 1: So I feel like it's so crucial to protect that
15:38
Speaker 1: time and that peace and that positivity. I will say
15:43
Speaker 1: it is getting harder and harder for me to. You know,
15:47
Speaker 1: I've always been a pretty positive person. I feel like
15:50
Speaker 1: pretty optimistic and just try to look on the bright
15:54
Speaker 1: side and be grateful. But holy cowmenopause has come in
15:59
Speaker 1: and crushed my life.
16:00
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Oh I hate it.
16:03
Speaker 1: I hate it so much, and no one, not More
16:07
Speaker 1: and more people are talking about it, but it is
16:10
Speaker 1: not something that a lot of people talk about. It's like,
16:14
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, it is so frustrating because when you're sad,
16:18
Speaker 1: you're like ten thousand times more sad than you normally be.
16:22
Speaker 1: It's like extremes of emotion and the self worth and
16:28
Speaker 1: the unworthiness and all of it is like right at
16:31
Speaker 1: the surface. And then menopause is like, oh, We're just
16:34
Speaker 1: gonna take that surface away and just expose everything and
16:38
Speaker 1: make it so much worse. So I will say it's
16:41
Speaker 1: just hard for me, and I know a lot of
16:43
Speaker 1: people out there who deal with mental health issues. And
16:47
Speaker 1: I'm putting menopause in a mental health issue because it's
16:50
Speaker 1: like a crisis of mental health, I feel like, and yeah, right,
16:54
Speaker 1: it is so bad, and anyone who deals with mental
16:57
Speaker 1: health issues, it's just hard to like feel that positivity.
17:01
Speaker 1: So is there anything you actively do to stay positive,
17:05
Speaker 1: especially if you're going through a breakup or a really
17:07
Speaker 1: hard time in your life? Like actively, what do you
17:10
Speaker 1: guys do to keep that positivity like forefront in your lives?
17:14
Speaker 2: Whitney, you want to go first, It doesn't matter. I mean,
17:18
Speaker 2: I'm sitting here, things I think to what I do.
17:23
Speaker 2: If you're interested, yes, please, okay what I do? And
17:27
Speaker 2: I because my sister and I we talk a lot
17:30
Speaker 2: about this, and I think that what you have to
17:34
Speaker 2: do is just kind of create a list of the
17:37
Speaker 2: things that make you happy and make time for it.
17:39
Speaker 2: And that's it. Like it's simple. Like I love to dance,
17:43
Speaker 2: so I make time every week one night a week
17:46
Speaker 2: I'll go to dance. I love playing board games with
17:49
Speaker 2: my kids. Like I think it's just like being very
17:51
Speaker 2: intentional with your time. And oh, another thing I just
17:55
Speaker 2: thought of that helps me a lot, is just really
17:58
Speaker 2: making time for the things you like. I know it
18:00
Speaker 2: sounds so simple and so like dumb, but when you
18:04
Speaker 2: get really busy with your kids and your life, like
18:07
Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes that time just disappears, So I
18:11
Speaker 2: think it's making time for that. Another thing is like
18:14
Speaker 2: some I feel like I've reached a point in my
18:16
Speaker 2: life where I'm very, very busy, but I also have
18:19
Speaker 2: all the things I ever dreamed of. So sometimes it
18:22
Speaker 2: helps me to sit down and think back in my
18:24
Speaker 2: life and say, wow, this is where I was, this
18:28
Speaker 2: is where I am, Like I'm even though I have
18:30
Speaker 2: all this responsibility, I'm so grateful that I have it,
18:33
Speaker 2: and like coming from a place of gratitude really helps me,
18:36
Speaker 2: even if it's just like sitting there and kind of
18:38
Speaker 2: thinking and just shifting the perspective. But again, I haven't
18:43
Speaker 2: hit menopause yet, so if I haven't, I don't feel
18:46
Speaker 2: like I don't feel probably I don't know how to
18:49
Speaker 2: manage that yet. But I know sometimes when my life
18:52
Speaker 2: gets really overwhelming for me and I feel like, well,
18:55
Speaker 2: maybe I'm not exactly where I want it to be,
18:58
Speaker 2: I kind of just sit and think and shift my
19:00
Speaker 2: perspective a little bit and then just set aside time
19:04
Speaker 2: for things that really make you happy.
19:06
Speaker 1: That's I love it.
19:08
Speaker 2: And that's how beautifully spoken.
19:09
Speaker 3: Because what I was going to say when you asked
19:11
Speaker 3: me that question, just so I was going to be like, uh,
19:13
Speaker 3: send out a stat call from a therapist.
19:16
Speaker 2: Like.
19:18
Speaker 1: We talk true, Yeah, oh I have Whitney. I just started.
19:22
Speaker 1: I like literally just had my first and I've talked
19:26
Speaker 1: to therapists before, but really, I was like, I need
19:30
Speaker 1: to get a therapist on like speed dial because in
19:34
Speaker 1: those in those moments when I am so pulled into
19:37
Speaker 1: the darkness, I'm like, I have to talk to somebody
19:40
Speaker 1: other than Yes, I have friends that I can talk
19:42
Speaker 1: to about it, but I really need someone professional to
19:46
Speaker 1: be able to say, you're normal, it's okay, it's gonna
19:51
Speaker 1: be okay. Let's talk it through and give you some
19:54
Speaker 1: coping mechanisms, like that's what I need.
19:57
Speaker 2: What kind of things are you feeling? Are you feeling
19:59
Speaker 2: issues with like self worth? Aging? Like what is what
20:03
Speaker 2: is your like? What's am I allowed to talk about it?
20:09
Speaker 1: Yeah? We're definitely talking about dating, so I definitely want
20:12
Speaker 1: to get or not dating, but breakups and dating and
20:14
Speaker 1: all of that. But but yeah, I mean it's just
20:17
Speaker 1: it's all encompassing every single thing, Like I am just
20:22
Speaker 1: so irritable. Ryan will say one thing and I'm just
20:25
Speaker 1: like in a bad mood, and I think more often
20:28
Speaker 1: than not, he just assumes I'm going to be in
20:31
Speaker 1: a bad mood. And I hate that. I hate that.
20:35
Speaker 1: I am the person who's usually positive and productive and
20:38
Speaker 1: you know, going, going, going and getting everything done for
20:40
Speaker 1: the family, and all of a sudden, I'm like, you know,
20:44
Speaker 1: like just mad and sad and crying and I hate it.
20:50
Speaker 1: I hate it. And I am on hormone replacement, so
20:55
Speaker 1: I'm on estrogen and progesterone and you know, I'm starting
20:59
Speaker 1: that like it's starting to make a difference. I'm feeling
21:02
Speaker 1: more productive. But it's just it's just something you guys
21:06
Speaker 1: and Whitney, I don't know, do you deal with it
21:08
Speaker 1: with fertility, because people who are dealing with fertility, I
21:11
Speaker 1: feel like, have hormonal issues. You're dealing with this with
21:13
Speaker 1: your clients, right.
21:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, So we talk about it all the time with clients,
21:17
Speaker 3: and especially when they're going through treatment, like why do
21:19
Speaker 3: I feel just so irritable or like my fuse is
21:22
Speaker 3: so short? And now you know too, as you know,
21:26
Speaker 3: kind of part of the work that we do, we
21:27
Speaker 3: talk to people that are going through perimenopause and those changes.
21:30
Speaker 3: And quite honestly, I'm kind of in the beginning stages
21:33
Speaker 3: of the perimenopause, and so I feel you to like
21:35
Speaker 3: a small degree. But I brought it up to my
21:38
Speaker 3: gynecologists the other day and I'll text you because she
21:40
Speaker 3: gave me this vitamin and it is strictly for it
21:45
Speaker 3: says on there to help with unstable mood and irritability,
21:50
Speaker 3: and I popched it with this morning and I feel okay,
21:52
Speaker 3: So I will send.
21:53
Speaker 2: That to you and let you know.
21:56
Speaker 3: But it is a very real thing when your hormones
21:58
Speaker 3: are kind of you know again, whether it's fertility treatment
22:01
Speaker 3: or menopause, when they are sporadic and kind of going
22:04
Speaker 3: all over the place. I mean, this is real what
22:06
Speaker 3: you're feeling.
22:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh for real. So I had Michelle Young and
22:10
Speaker 1: Claire Crawley on to talk about their health struggles. They're
22:13
Speaker 1: going through some pretty tough things, and you know, I
22:18
Speaker 1: told them that I was feeling this way and I've
22:20
Speaker 1: tried to go on social media and kind of talk
22:22
Speaker 1: about what I'm going through, and they're like, do it, like, actually,
22:26
Speaker 1: talk about it, you know, in the public, so I'm
22:29
Speaker 1: sure there are people who can relate. And I'm like,
22:31
Speaker 1: I just gosh, I feel like I it's just compared
22:37
Speaker 1: to other people who are going through cancer or who
22:39
Speaker 1: have lost a low one or are going through a divorce,
22:43
Speaker 1: it seems so minimal, but it does take over, like
22:48
Speaker 1: everything it does.
22:49
Speaker 3: And you know what, I feel like you could be
22:51
Speaker 3: sort of at you know, the forefront of this because
22:54
Speaker 3: you think about the people that follow you, have followed
22:56
Speaker 3: you for so long, have been fans for so long,
22:59
Speaker 3: and everyone's getting older, so everyone feeling a guarantee like you,
23:04
Speaker 3: and for you to kind of go out and say,
23:06
Speaker 3: guess what I'm talking about this, this is how I'm feeling.
23:09
Speaker 3: So many people are going to be able to relate
23:10
Speaker 3: to that, and I think are going to want to
23:12
Speaker 3: talk about it because people don't. People don't talk about it.
23:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so back to the subject at hand. I'm sorry. Yeah,
23:23
Speaker 1: I love to go down a low wayward path anyway. Okay,
23:26
Speaker 1: so we're going to totally change gears and talk about
23:29
Speaker 1: wedding rings. So have you guys heard that there's a
23:32
Speaker 1: trend of people making their divorce rings out of their
23:36
Speaker 1: wedding rings. No, I think it's like essentially, you just
23:43
Speaker 1: change probably your setting or you use the ring in
23:46
Speaker 1: a different way. Rachel Zoe just did it, and Heather
23:51
Speaker 1: did she change the setting? Is that essentially what the
23:54
Speaker 1: divorce ring is about?
23:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll pull it up. But I think she made
23:57
Speaker 2: it like bigger and better too.
23:59
Speaker 1: Okay, amazing, amazing.
24:01
Speaker 2: I know why they're doing this. The value diamonds went down.
24:05
Speaker 2: They're not selling them anymore. They're like, it's not even
24:07
Speaker 2: worth it. Let's just make a new CD and I
24:10
Speaker 2: love it. Do you have yours? Yeah? I still have mine?
24:15
Speaker 3: Okay, so what are we going to do with it?
24:17
Speaker 2: Let's design it?
24:18
Speaker 1: Yes, we need to go do some searches.
24:21
Speaker 2: Okay, I just want to wear it.
24:23
Speaker 1: I mean, right, you should, I mean wear it in
24:25
Speaker 1: a different way. So I guess Rachel Zoe like made
24:28
Speaker 1: it bigger and better. Okay. So on this People article,
24:31
Speaker 1: Rachel Zoe says calls her divorce ring a freedom ring
24:35
Speaker 1: by the diamond Now, why do women have to wait
24:39
Speaker 1: their whole lives to get a ring because they're engaged?
24:42
Speaker 2: So true?
24:43
Speaker 1: I love that she did that. So anyway, she just
24:47
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you guys, can they see this link?
24:50
Speaker 2: Heather, she used the same diamond or she'll but I'll
24:53
Speaker 2: send it.
24:54
Speaker 1: I'll send it. Holy gorgeous guys.
24:56
Speaker 3: However, I could see someone that I hear what she's saying,
25:00
Speaker 3: buy it now. But it is a lot nicer when
25:02
Speaker 3: someone else is buying it for you.
25:03
Speaker 1: True, And and that's kind of the dream, right, that
25:07
Speaker 1: you have a man who loves you that much and
25:10
Speaker 1: is going to spend that much money on you, and
25:13
Speaker 1: it's something to keep like a keepsack to you know,
25:16
Speaker 1: I don't wear my engagement ring or my tenth anniversary ring,
25:21
Speaker 1: but I do wearding my wedding bands. It's just, you know,
25:25
Speaker 1: it's very special to me. So obviously take away you know,
25:29
Speaker 1: those sentiments because the wedding is far gone and the
25:34
Speaker 1: marriage might be over. But hey, why not just use
25:38
Speaker 1: the diamonds instead of putting them in as safe?
25:41
Speaker 2: I agree?
25:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
25:43
Speaker 3: Also, like it's like a beautiful thing, like you want
25:47
Speaker 3: to still wear it. You don't want to just be like, Okay,
25:49
Speaker 3: well now the relationship's over, so I can't wear this
25:51
Speaker 3: beautiful piece of jewelry anymore.
25:54
Speaker 2: I kind of like this idea, Yeah, I think it's cool.
25:57
Speaker 2: I think it's interesting that they had to sense of
26:00
Speaker 2: women with a big ring, like true true, think of
26:05
Speaker 2: her on this one, Like, how do we get to
26:09
Speaker 2: marry these men and do everything for them? Let's get
26:12
Speaker 2: them a big diamond, right, a big diamond? Oh my god,
26:19
Speaker 2: I like that. Yes, if you make it a necklace.
26:21
Speaker 1: I love that the necklace. Yes, or Ashley, are you
26:26
Speaker 1: keeping the ring to like give to the kids one
26:28
Speaker 1: day if they want it.
26:30
Speaker 2: I haven't even thought too much about it. Yeah, I
26:33
Speaker 2: probably might give it to Essie or maybe when she's older,
26:36
Speaker 2: like turn it into something like either a necklace or
26:39
Speaker 2: like a floating diamond or something. I don't know. I
26:42
Speaker 2: haven't decided, kind of just sitting Yeah, yeah.
26:45
Speaker 1: I mean you've got time. I think Sie's got some
26:47
Speaker 1: time problem.
26:48
Speaker 2: So small. I put it on because I got chubby fingers.
26:51
Speaker 1: Now I highly doubt you have chubby fingers.
26:56
Speaker 3: Oh, it's a pink ear ring.
27:02
Speaker 1: There you go, just make it a pinky ring or
27:06
Speaker 1: put it on your toe.
27:07
Speaker 2: No, we're now starting a major drench that rings as rings.
27:18
Speaker 1: Okay, So when you were both newly single, how'd your
27:23
Speaker 1: divorce or break up to find what you wanted in
27:26
Speaker 1: your next relationship. There's a little giggle coming out of Whitney.
27:32
Speaker 3: Let Whitney go first so much so, you guys going
27:36
Speaker 3: back to that breakup. So that was I don't know,
27:38
Speaker 3: it was like in May or June. And I met
27:41
Speaker 3: my husband in September, so.
27:43
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, and you guys met how bumble? That's what
27:47
Speaker 1: I was wondering. I thought maybe you had, Yeah, And.
27:51
Speaker 3: I liked bumble because you know, it gives the control
27:55
Speaker 3: to the woman because the woman has to make the
27:58
Speaker 3: first reach out, like you have to instigate theorization. Right.
28:02
Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't know that.
28:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, So that was nice.
28:05
Speaker 3: And he was the first date that I went on
28:07
Speaker 3: after the breakup, and I was nervous for multitude of
28:11
Speaker 3: different reasons. And one thing that I noticed that was different.
28:16
Speaker 3: And I wonder if you guys have any like have
28:18
Speaker 3: thought about this before, because I was thinking about our
28:20
Speaker 3: conversation today. And I at first was nervous when I
28:25
Speaker 3: met Ricky because it was not it was more of
28:30
Speaker 3: like it was a calm dating experience. There was no
28:34
Speaker 3: cat and mouse, there was no roller coaster, there was
28:39
Speaker 3: no you know, my nervous system getting all disregulated and
28:43
Speaker 3: the chaos constantly ensuing, and because of that sort of
28:47
Speaker 3: quietness or calmness, I worried, like, maybe there's no sparks
28:51
Speaker 3: at first. Oh right, In reality, it wasn't the spark
28:57
Speaker 3: that I was thinking. It was just the safety that
28:59
Speaker 3: calm was a sense of safety, And I realized that
29:04
Speaker 3: because I felt safe in the relationship and emotionally safe,
29:07
Speaker 3: the spark that I was thinking was that sort of
29:10
Speaker 3: spark was actually just there was no chaotic, you know
29:15
Speaker 3: stuff that happens with dating. There was no me trying
29:17
Speaker 3: to prove myself. There was no me trying to wonder,
29:19
Speaker 3: you know, what was going to happen next in my
29:22
Speaker 3: you know, emotional system being all just regulated. And to me,
29:25
Speaker 3: I think I misunderstood that in the moment because that's
29:28
Speaker 3: all I ever knew, and especially coming off of a
29:30
Speaker 3: show with dating all of these people and constantly worried
29:33
Speaker 3: is he going to pick me? Am I the one
29:35
Speaker 3: or all of this? It just felt safe. And I've
29:37
Speaker 3: now learned in hindsight that that safety was exactly what
29:41
Speaker 3: I was missing and what I needed all along. And
29:45
Speaker 3: so I think sometimes we do get so caught up
29:48
Speaker 3: in the hustle and bustle of the relationships and the
29:50
Speaker 3: cat and mouse and all of that. But I would question,
29:53
Speaker 3: or I would, you know, say to those out there,
29:56
Speaker 3: you know, give its you know, the quietness, the calmness,
29:59
Speaker 3: the studyiness is safety. And I think that's also like
30:02
Speaker 3: a good sign.
30:03
Speaker 1: That's great, great advice.
30:05
Speaker 2: That's great advice for younger people that are in relationships
30:10
Speaker 2: for sure.
30:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, who don't understand their emotions necessarily right like in
30:15
Speaker 1: and out.
30:16
Speaker 2: Sometimes they are both boards the you know, the spark, yes,
30:20
Speaker 2: the drama of it all, the spark, the excitement, the
30:23
Speaker 2: push and pull. Yeah. Yeah, but that's what I.
30:27
Speaker 3: Think I learned almost immediately.
30:29
Speaker 2: And you still feel that way after years and years
30:31
Speaker 2: of marriage.
30:32
Speaker 3: I mean, obviously we have a romantic spark, right, but
30:36
Speaker 3: I don't want to Yes, of course, it's just different.
30:38
Speaker 3: I think I was defining it differently when I was younger,
30:41
Speaker 3: and it set the foundation for the relationship because when
30:44
Speaker 3: you feel emotionally safe, I think everything else kind of
30:47
Speaker 3: builds on top of that. And you know, I think
30:50
Speaker 3: that self trust, self love, all of that kind of
30:53
Speaker 3: plays in on the other end as well of that
30:55
Speaker 3: person making you feel that way as well.
30:58
Speaker 2: That's great.
31:09
Speaker 1: Ashley, what did you take from the divorce?
31:12
Speaker 2: Gosh, I feel like it was so long ago, like
31:14
Speaker 2: a lifetime ago. Okay, So for me, without getting too like,
31:20
Speaker 2: I you know, I don't want to talk negatively about anybody.
31:24
Speaker 2: Of course, without getting too much into you know, the
31:27
Speaker 2: end of my marriage, I think that when I exited
31:32
Speaker 2: my marriage, towards the end of the marriage, I felt
31:36
Speaker 2: like there was a lot of gosh, how do I
31:39
Speaker 2: say this? There was a lot of you know, like
31:44
Speaker 2: kind of control, like like you had to I had
31:47
Speaker 2: to act a certain way otherwise there were like repercussions
31:52
Speaker 2: kind of kind of feeling like there was a lot
31:54
Speaker 2: of control towards the end of the relationship. So when
31:57
Speaker 2: I left the relationship, I wasn't looking for another relationship.
32:01
Speaker 2: I wasn't like, oh, in my next relationship, I hope
32:03
Speaker 2: to have this or I want this. I was like,
32:05
Speaker 2: I want to get out of a relationship because it's
32:08
Speaker 2: almost like a child that's been with a controlling parents
32:12
Speaker 2: up until they graduate and then they're like I'm out, yeah,
32:15
Speaker 2: right graduate they leave for college. That was the feeling
32:18
Speaker 2: I had. I was not focused on another relationship. I
32:20
Speaker 2: wasn't even thinking about what I wanted in another relationship.
32:24
Speaker 2: I think in a way it made me question relationships
32:27
Speaker 2: and marriage and like, I still have a lot of
32:30
Speaker 2: things that I'm dealing with, Like I'm not remarried, and
32:34
Speaker 2: I don't know that I ever would, like I have
32:36
Speaker 2: a lot of my own personal feelings about marriage and
32:38
Speaker 2: women in marriage and that kind of relationships. And so
32:43
Speaker 2: I think that it left me with a feeling of, like,
32:46
Speaker 2: I want to be independent. I don't want anyone to
32:50
Speaker 2: have any type of control over me. I'm still very
32:54
Speaker 2: much that way years and years later, like the person
32:58
Speaker 2: that I you know, I dated someone for a while,
33:01
Speaker 2: like let me be who I wanted to be, like
33:04
Speaker 2: the good and the bad, and like allowed me to
33:07
Speaker 2: be my true self without any form of punishment or
33:10
Speaker 2: any form of like making you feel bad about who
33:13
Speaker 2: you are or like how you are. So I think
33:16
Speaker 2: that if I ever got into like a serious, serious
33:20
Speaker 2: relationship again, it would have to be with someone that
33:25
Speaker 2: had like more of like a progressive kind of mindset.
33:28
Speaker 2: I think that's just the best way to put it.
33:29
Speaker 2: Like I'm so focused on independence and like self love
33:33
Speaker 2: and really just like caring about myself. I know that
33:36
Speaker 2: sounds selfish, but honestly, it makes me a better person
33:40
Speaker 2: for my kids, for my business. It makes me a
33:43
Speaker 2: happier person to be able to focus on that. So
33:47
Speaker 2: that's kind of where I'm at right now.
33:49
Speaker 1: And I don't think that's selfish. I hate that we
33:52
Speaker 1: have to say that, like when we're focused on our
33:56
Speaker 1: happiness and our stuff, that we're being fish, you know,
34:01
Speaker 1: especially as moms, because I feel like that mom guilt
34:04
Speaker 1: and the you know, we are our society for whatever reason,
34:09
Speaker 1: there's this guilt around mothers and women who focus on
34:15
Speaker 1: themselves and prioritize their happiness over everything else. So you're
34:19
Speaker 1: not being selfish.
34:20
Speaker 2: No, I don't feel like I am. I just feel
34:22
Speaker 2: like maybe other people would kind of interpret it as that,
34:25
Speaker 2: so got got it, Yes, the disclaimer, But I know
34:28
Speaker 2: how much caring for myself has improved my family life,
34:32
Speaker 2: like with my kids and my job, and just I
34:35
Speaker 2: think people underestimate how important it is for a woman
34:38
Speaker 2: to wake up and feel happy, like right, yeah, I
34:41
Speaker 2: think it's like it is you are the woman is
34:44
Speaker 2: the center of the family, I think, and I feel
34:48
Speaker 2: like when you have a woman who cares for themselves
34:52
Speaker 2: and like a husband or a significant other, that cares
34:56
Speaker 2: for the woman, Like I just feel like that's when
34:59
Speaker 2: your family flourishes. So I feel like I don't have
35:01
Speaker 2: anybody to do that for me, so I do it
35:04
Speaker 2: for myself. And I feel like my life with my
35:06
Speaker 2: kids is like my kids are really happy kids, Like
35:11
Speaker 2: we have an amazing life. We have fun, We have
35:14
Speaker 2: like we focus on happiness, and I think also that's
35:17
Speaker 2: another thing that families can do for their kids, right, Like,
35:20
Speaker 2: of course we focus on discipline and homework and being
35:23
Speaker 2: hard working and caring in kind, but like also like
35:27
Speaker 2: fun and happiness and freedom and every time, and like
35:31
Speaker 2: I feel like nowadays we underestimate the importance of just
35:35
Speaker 2: like rest and I don't know, and also for our
35:41
Speaker 2: children to see us having fun.
35:44
Speaker 3: Yes, I feel sometimes it's always like, oh, moms, you know,
35:48
Speaker 3: she's just so busy with work, or she's you know,
35:50
Speaker 3: so busy with you know, getting stuff done around the house,
35:54
Speaker 3: or so busy with trying to do this that sometimes
35:56
Speaker 3: it's nice to just be like, my mom's really fun,
35:58
Speaker 3: she has fun with me exactly.
36:01
Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like as my kids have gotten older,
36:06
Speaker 1: I have kind of let them like live their lives
36:10
Speaker 1: in a way, you know, they have their stuff. They
36:12
Speaker 1: have dance and they have hockey, and they have you know,
36:15
Speaker 1: time with their friends and whatever. And recently, like for
36:20
Speaker 1: Mother's Day, part of what I did for Mother's Day
36:22
Speaker 1: was Max and I went and played pickleball, just the
36:25
Speaker 1: two of us, and it was it is so much fun,
36:30
Speaker 1: and I I just feel like I need more of that,
36:34
Speaker 1: And I wish that I hadn't. I kind of hadn't
36:37
Speaker 1: put my foot on the break and and let them
36:40
Speaker 1: kind of like I'm their home, I'm their safe space,
36:42
Speaker 1: I'm their home life. I'm I'm their place to, you know,
36:46
Speaker 1: come for whatever they need, and I would let them
36:49
Speaker 1: live their lives. But I think if I, if I
36:52
Speaker 1: could go back, then I would encourage more of those,
36:56
Speaker 1: especially one on one times so with the kids, so
37:01
Speaker 1: that I can find that, you know, happiness and just
37:08
Speaker 1: help that joy flourish. You know. I think that is
37:13
Speaker 1: you're right, so important.
37:15
Speaker 2: But I think that's another part of like the whole
37:17
Speaker 2: social media aspect is like people are posting what they're
37:21
Speaker 2: doing with their kids, so they're at baseball, but they're
37:23
Speaker 2: not posting those moments of calm. So I think that
37:27
Speaker 2: sometimes we feel like we have to do so much,
37:29
Speaker 2: and like that's another pressure that I feel like women
37:33
Speaker 2: in family's face is like and I was guilty of it.
37:36
Speaker 2: I mean we were. I mean we still are kind
37:37
Speaker 2: of guilty of it, like our kids are in multiple sports.
37:40
Speaker 2: But like if you can find the opportunity for peace, calm,
37:43
Speaker 2: freedom like sitting on the couch, like having no plan,
37:46
Speaker 2: I just feel like it's such an underrated part of childhood, right, Yeah.
37:50
Speaker 2: I really want to kind of harness with my kids
37:52
Speaker 2: as they're getting older and relationships.
37:55
Speaker 1: I feel like when people ask me what I do,
37:58
Speaker 1: like what we do for date nights, I'm like, sit
38:01
Speaker 1: on the couch and watch a movie because I don't
38:03
Speaker 1: want to go anywhere. I don't need to like do
38:06
Speaker 1: dinner or whatever. It's like we just want to just
38:09
Speaker 1: have time together. So I think you're right, like just
38:11
Speaker 1: encouraging that like quality time instead of like having to
38:17
Speaker 1: do something exciting.
38:18
Speaker 3: I think that's right.
38:19
Speaker 1: Did either of you feel in your breakups that were
38:23
Speaker 1: you ever worried that there would be a next relationship?
38:26
Speaker 1: Like Ashley, I know you're you're single and just you
38:29
Speaker 1: know kind of how to break up. What was it
38:31
Speaker 1: like a couple years ago after you guys were together
38:34
Speaker 1: for a while. This is after JP.
38:36
Speaker 2: Like we keep going back and forth, like trying to decide,
38:40
Speaker 2: like he you know, we have a we were together
38:43
Speaker 2: for a long time like five years? Wait was yeah? Five?
38:47
Speaker 2: I mean five years. But like we've we've been kind
38:51
Speaker 2: of like back and forth. So we're still trying to
38:53
Speaker 2: figure it out.
38:55
Speaker 1: Okay, I didn't know this part. I thought. I the
38:58
Speaker 1: door is not shut.
39:00
Speaker 2: No, the door's not shut. I hope he doesn't watch it.
39:08
Speaker 1: People magazine, don't pop it up because and we're not gonna.
39:11
Speaker 2: We're not gonna make me. I don't know.
39:17
Speaker 1: Sorry, Sorry, I don't want to blow up your life.
39:20
Speaker 1: But I feel like, do you because of you know,
39:24
Speaker 1: the breakup with JP and then their breakup, do you
39:28
Speaker 1: feel like you have a next relationship on the horizon,
39:33
Speaker 1: Like did it take your your what's the word, uh,
39:37
Speaker 1: your hopes of having another relationship away or you're just
39:42
Speaker 1: so positive that you're like whatever, it's all gonna happen.
39:45
Speaker 1: However it's going to happen and it's all good.
39:48
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, No, I don't. I honestly don't center my
39:50
Speaker 2: thoughts around relationships at all. Like I'm not like good
39:53
Speaker 2: that everybody that talks to me, they're like, oh, I
39:56
Speaker 2: actually I want to hook you up with this person,
39:58
Speaker 2: or like oh since I took us up. I'm like, well,
40:02
Speaker 2: like I'm just and my mom sometimes like you'll meet someone,
40:05
Speaker 2: actually you'll meet an attorney. I'm like, I don't want it.
40:08
Speaker 2: I don't know why. You like that's because I don't eat,
40:12
Speaker 2: Like my life is so not centered around relationships. Likely
40:16
Speaker 2: someone great, but I'm not actively like.
40:18
Speaker 1: Oh help me, I have to have it.
40:21
Speaker 3: I think that that's just so I mean important, because
40:24
Speaker 3: I think that there is I hate to say it,
40:26
Speaker 3: but if you look at these women, are you know,
40:28
Speaker 3: not settling. They're waiting longer in life to decide do
40:32
Speaker 3: I want to get married? Do I want to have kids?
40:34
Speaker 3: And if they choose they don't want either of those things.
40:36
Speaker 3: There's the stigma and I hate rude.
40:39
Speaker 1: Same, Yeah it's rude.
40:41
Speaker 2: You guys saw the research about single women right, like
40:44
Speaker 2: they live longer. They're after like, hello, yeah, the literature
40:51
Speaker 2: is out there. Friends, I don't know.
40:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, and do what's right for you. My
40:57
Speaker 1: mom has been My parents got worst when I was
41:00
Speaker 1: in fifth grade and she never had like a really
41:03
Speaker 1: significant relationship and she's happy, Like, why do you have
41:06
Speaker 1: to You definitely don't have to be in a significant
41:10
Speaker 1: relationship to find happiness. I think that's a great I
41:14
Speaker 1: do see.
41:15
Speaker 2: How some people really like they thrive when they're with
41:19
Speaker 2: someone else, and they really like that that's important to them, Like,
41:22
Speaker 2: it's just not important to me. And I don't know
41:24
Speaker 2: if that's something wrong with me, Like I don't know,
41:28
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is. But it's not a
41:30
Speaker 2: popular opinion, Like it's not a popular practice. I don't think.
41:35
Speaker 2: I think that humans are like made to be to
41:37
Speaker 2: like with the other. I don't know. I'm just kind
41:39
Speaker 2: of but you know what I think.
41:41
Speaker 3: That says about you is I think kind of going
41:43
Speaker 3: back to the very beginning, like you are a confident, happy,
41:47
Speaker 3: fulfilled person. So you're like, hey, if I have somebody
41:50
Speaker 3: else in my life, that's great, but I'm not going
41:51
Speaker 3: to live my lind searching for that or feel that
41:54
Speaker 3: there's a void in my life. And I think that
41:56
Speaker 3: that speaks so highly of you and you know yourself
42:00
Speaker 3: and loving yourself things.
42:04
Speaker 1: For real, It's true. I think it's great advice and
42:07
Speaker 1: people can learn from you in terms of that self
42:11
Speaker 1: confidence and that you don't like, don't rush things. You
42:14
Speaker 1: hear that adage of and not necessarily an adage because
42:18
Speaker 1: it's kind of how it happened with me. How you're
42:20
Speaker 1: trying to get pregnant, pregnant, pregnant, Like you're trying, trying, trying,
42:24
Speaker 1: and when you don't try, that's when you get pregnant.
42:27
Speaker 1: So I feel like it's kind of the same with relationships,
42:29
Speaker 1: you know, like in those moments when you're when you're
42:32
Speaker 1: not like, oh, I have to have a relationship, I
42:36
Speaker 1: have to have a man, I have to find a
42:38
Speaker 1: man whatever, when you're not looking for that, sometimes that's
42:41
Speaker 1: when it that's when it happens naturally.
42:44
Speaker 2: I just feel like I want younger girls, like in
42:47
Speaker 2: their early twenties or whatever, like to really like install
42:52
Speaker 2: because I remember those I don't know if you guys
42:53
Speaker 2: remember those days where you're like your life revolves around
42:56
Speaker 2: like meeting people in a relationship. And I don't know
42:58
Speaker 2: if it's just the hormones of life being a human
43:01
Speaker 2: where it's like that's where you're supposed to procreate, Like
43:03
Speaker 2: I'm not sure if that's what it is, but I
43:05
Speaker 2: feel like I want women like young women twenties, like
43:08
Speaker 2: solidify yourself first, likely get you on two feet before
43:12
Speaker 2: you find somebody, because I just feel like it puts
43:15
Speaker 2: you in such a vulnerable position. Like that's my number
43:17
Speaker 2: one thing for young women is because I see so
43:20
Speaker 2: much around me, like women that can't get out of
43:24
Speaker 2: relationships for like many different reasons. I just feel like,
43:28
Speaker 2: if you're twenty and you're a young woman, like focus
43:32
Speaker 2: on strengthening your abilities, gaining knowledge, like solidifying things for
43:39
Speaker 2: you before you you know, put everything in someone, find
43:44
Speaker 2: out who you are, find out truly who you are.
43:47
Speaker 3: I mean, I know that sounds cliche, but I mean
43:49
Speaker 3: I'm still figuring out the same and you don't want to.
43:53
Speaker 3: I think when you're so impressionable at a younger age,
43:56
Speaker 3: it's easy to lose yourself and feel that your identity
43:59
Speaker 3: is tied up in a relationship, whether you have one,
44:03
Speaker 3: whether you don't. And I think even if you do
44:05
Speaker 3: have one doesn't always mean that you're being it's a
44:08
Speaker 3: healthy one, I think kind of what you're saying, actually
44:10
Speaker 3: and like getting out of that and knowing how to
44:12
Speaker 3: get out of it. But I think it is important,
44:14
Speaker 3: and it all starts with how we speak to ourselves
44:17
Speaker 3: and the confidence that we instill in ourselves and the
44:20
Speaker 3: boundaries we set for ourselves. Well, also still allowing ourselves
44:23
Speaker 3: to be vulnerable. There's nothing wrong with that either, right.
44:26
Speaker 1: Exactly right. I mean, I feel like life is about connections,
44:32
Speaker 1: but the connections don't have to be like a significant
44:34
Speaker 1: other relationship. It's about you know, friendships. Focus on your friendships,
44:38
Speaker 1: focus on your kids, focus on your parents. You know,
44:43
Speaker 1: whatever relationships bring you joy, and find those relationships. You know,
44:47
Speaker 1: we went through a move like two or three years ago,
44:51
Speaker 1: and we decided to move. But it's hard because when
44:54
Speaker 1: you're older and your kids are driving themselves, you don't.
44:59
Speaker 1: I get involve school, but it's so different in meeting
45:02
Speaker 1: people when you're older, especially in a new town or whatever.
45:07
Speaker 1: So I feel like it's just I had to be
45:09
Speaker 1: really intentional about getting involved and putting myself out there
45:13
Speaker 1: and going to like play pick a ball at open
45:16
Speaker 1: play with people I didn't know, or whatever, do whatever,
45:19
Speaker 1: you know, whatever your hobbies are. You know, I would
45:23
Speaker 1: hate to do that. I know you would, but you
45:27
Speaker 1: know what, think about it. If I went to like
45:29
Speaker 1: a dance, you know, fitness class like you do Ashley
45:33
Speaker 1: and like you do that on your own, so don't say, oh,
45:36
Speaker 1: that would be so uncomfortable. It's all about that activity.
45:39
Speaker 2: But I don't talk to anybody when I'm I'm not
45:45
Speaker 2: that social. I struggle with that, like in a new word.
45:50
Speaker 3: Like just for example, with a workout class, I've been
45:52
Speaker 3: wanting to try, like as I'm getting older and my
45:54
Speaker 3: joints are starting herd, I'm like, maybe I shouldn't do
45:56
Speaker 3: as stuff like as high impact. So I want to
45:58
Speaker 3: try this new Blodies class.
45:59
Speaker 2: So I want to go, but I don't.
46:02
Speaker 3: Want to go by myself, so I start like making
46:03
Speaker 3: excuses because I'm like, I don't want to walk into
46:05
Speaker 3: this class when you know, these Pilate's reformer machines are
46:09
Speaker 3: so only like eight to ten twelve. You know people
46:11
Speaker 3: in there.
46:11
Speaker 2: Those Alti's chicks are hardcore too.
46:19
Speaker 3: And there's all this lingo that I don't know, and
46:21
Speaker 3: they're all like following along and it's all their legs
46:24
Speaker 3: are clicking up to hear yes exactly.
46:27
Speaker 1: I did that recent like a couple of years ago,
46:29
Speaker 1: and knew no one, and you're right, they had it
46:32
Speaker 1: was like one of the ones I can't remember what
46:34
Speaker 1: it's called. But they have a whole pattern that they
46:37
Speaker 1: do the entire class, and I was behind the entire class.
46:42
Speaker 1: So it is intimidating, But I feel like still get
46:44
Speaker 1: out there and do it because you never know, you
46:47
Speaker 1: might strike up a conversation with somebody who you can
46:50
Speaker 1: you know, consistently, you know, get on the phone with
46:54
Speaker 1: or whatever. I feel like it's just about putting yourself
46:56
Speaker 1: out there, and that goes with dating two. You know,
47:00
Speaker 1: I haven't been in the dating pool for twenty four
47:04
Speaker 1: years or whatever, but I feel like it's with everything.
47:08
Speaker 1: Just be intentional about putting yourself out there so that
47:12
Speaker 1: you can form relationships and get to know other people
47:18
Speaker 1: outside of your bubble. Because if you're a homebody like me,
47:20
Speaker 1: it's really hard to do that when you're just like, nope,
47:24
Speaker 1: I just want to stay home and get my stuff done.
47:27
Speaker 3: Here yeep, yep. But when all the hormones too, here
47:31
Speaker 3: we go again. Throw all that in there, and it's
47:34
Speaker 3: like it's hard