Latest / The Rooted Family / Ep 6 | Are Rhythms Too Rigid? 3 Ways to Build Rhythms That Actually Work
Transcript
- Christian Cornish: So why, as the fun guy, you know, you're the fun person in our family. So why do you find it important that we have fun ⁓ ⁓ rhythms? I think psychologically speaking, you're way more likely stick something you enjoy. ⁓ If you don't like going to the gym. Hello everyone. Hey guys. Welcome back to the Rooted Family Podcast. Today we're addressing the myth that rhythms are too rigid. Yes, you might have thought this yourself or this might be a reason why you are a little hesitant on having rhythms in your life. And so before we get started, if you are loving this podcast, if what we have shared has already encouraged you or your family, would you go ahead and just give us a Like if you never learn to like it, you're just not gonna go. You're gonna dread it. You're gonna absolutely dread it. If you don't learn to like you're reading, like some people are like, hey, I wanna become a reader. Well, then they get into reading and they just read boring stuff. Then that they don't appreciate, they don't find even interesting. Well, yeah, you're not gonna stick with that as a rhythm in your life. ⁓ five star rating on Apple podcasts or Spotify and even take that extra step to leave us a review. it really, really helps us more than you know ⁓ when you leave rating or review. we ⁓ actually find it fun seeing the comments on Spotify. That's a unique feature there. So ⁓ please go ahead do that. We love hearing from our listeners. Yeah. And we're excited for today's conversation because like we totally understand when It's the same thing with eating. Like, I've only known one dude ever who eats like the same thing that's super bland and boring every day. And it's truly because he was a strong guy, like a bodybuilder, and he liked how he looked. So that was the only reason he did it. It wasn't for any other reason. So you have to like... you hear the word rhythm, you may picture something like a rigid schedule or a color coded spreadsheet. And some people don't like spreadsheets. I love them, but some people hate them. think most people hate them. Fine. So, but yeah, I do think that people think of, you know, ⁓ like a lot of structure, like a spreadsheet. They might even think like, wow, rhythms have a lot of rules. They feel very strict. what you're doing, have to find enjoyment or you won't stick with something. Yeah, I think when we think about fun in our rhythms, it's either we put something fun in the rhythm or we're thinking about what's the reward after the rhythm. That's a great thought. Yes, because like going back to the morning example, I love a good cup of coffee and look forward to it. It doesn't matter what time of day, but I always look forward to it. Hmm strict. That's a good word. And you know, nobody wants to be tied down so tight. I understand too, because I've even been in this season of this with one of my rhythms lately of feeling like the structure I'm trying right now, this rhythm I'm putting in isn't working. And so it feels like a failure. Like it feels like I'm screwed up or this isn't working. Yeah, ⁓ But I do look forward to getting up in the morning and having a good cup of coffee. Yep. And so that's like in the rhythm. Shout out to Pagosa Roasters. That's right. Yeah. Shout out to Pagosa Roasters. cup of coffee on this side of the Mississippi. That's right. And there is also like the budgeting ⁓ is a rhythm that it's fun to look back and A have stuck to the plan. Maybe you, as a listener, you've tried having routines or rhythms before and it didn't go as planned. And so then, like you said, Christian, it feels like you're failing at it. ⁓ And the failure ⁓ is leads you to thinking that rhythms are too rigid or too strict. ⁓ And it's not the rhythm is ⁓ strict all. ⁓ It's that we have put this expectation on ourselves. Yeah, and that's really hard. and to have the reward of living within your means, or maybe there was something fun you inserted into the budget, like I know I'm gonna get to do this fun thing, and I plan for it, ⁓ to see the progress in your savings account, ⁓ those things, it's more the reward from ⁓ that practice on a regular basis, ⁓ it's there, and it's really helpful. Yeah, ⁓ so why don't we give them some ideas ⁓ I would love to hear from you a time when you felt like you put a rhythm in place and you were trying to stick with it, but it just wasn't working. Felt too rigid. ⁓ So one rhythm that comes mind is I started meal planning. And this might have been even a few years in where like maybe I was on track and then fell off track or fell off the bandwagon, which we all have done before. ⁓ how to insert fun into their rhythms based on maybe some things that we've done or maybe even some reward ideas that they could do that would make them excited to complete the rhythm. Yeah, what's something you would say on a daily basis or something that happens maybe more daily than weekly at least that is small maybe but you find a reward in? And I remember thinking, okay, I'm gonna go like super hardcore with this rhythm and I'm gonna plan out every breakfast, every lunch, every dinner. And for one, I did it, I think successfully one week and it just totally fell to pieces because it was so overwhelming to plan every meal. But two, I think what happened was, you know, life with. I would definitely agree with you that in the morning I really look forward to the silence because we have a lot of kids. It's usually high volume around here most of the day. So the reward for me truly is that moment of silence and a good cup of coffee like you. I love sitting by the fire. I actually really love to journal. So including journaling intentionally into my morning routine or morning rhythm. a lot of kids, we have seven kids, life happens. And when life happens, your rhythm is so strict to like have every detail planned out, it almost feels like you can't be flexible with it. And so I found that when I had every breakfast and every lunch planned specifically, I wasn't really able to have grace for myself. So I think going back to like how we meal plan now, where I plan out the dinners has been something I look forward to. Our evening cleanup. Now the cleanup itself, like the dinner cleanup is not fun. Okay, no one really likes to clean up. Who wants to do dishes after making dinner? But I really love how we have, this is like a tweak to our evening rhythm. is actually very for us because we don't have to do the mental energy of thinking about like what meal we're gonna have on Monday night. We just know what we're gonna have. ⁓ But instead, I really like the flexibility of having just ideas, like a list of ideas for lunches ⁓ that helps me more of a flow the rhythm. And I think I had to really... ⁓ do the rhythm for many months, if not years, to really understand that about myself with that particular rhythm. love how you said it took some time and you needed some grace in that. And that makes perfect sense because rhythms are ⁓ chains. Like they're not meant to hold you ⁓ some ⁓ that you can't get out of. In jail. In Sometimes people feel that way. ⁓ which in future episodes we're gonna teach you how to tweak or enhance your current rhythms to fit your current season. But one tweak that we've made recently is that we have started doing dessert with the kids after dinner cleanup and we got this really cool little audio player, it's called the Yodo and it plays music, it plays audio books. And we have been sitting around the table, we'll light some candles with some dessert and listen to an audio book together and for like 10, 15 minutes. And that is such a reward to the rush of dinner cleanup is being able to just gather around the table as a family. all in our jammies. We have some dessert and just snuggling up with the kids and listening to a book together. It's been really sweet. Yes. And I'm sorry. I'm sad you're slightly losing your Wisconsin accent because when we first were married, I remember one time you said gel or something. I can't even try. I didn't even know what you were saying. Like you broke me. didn't know what. I was like, what are you talking about? But did I say it right this You said it right. Yeah. But it makes me a little sad. ⁓ Sorry. note. Isn't it true though that like some people feel like their rhythms put them in jail? Yeah. The more we do it, the more there's an anticipation. Ooh, that's good. Through that. Uh-huh. And I think anticipation is another great tool because it propels us forward through the things we need to do because we know what's on the other side. Yeah. Like you said, you really look forward to getting up early in the morning. Not necessarily the moment the alarm goes off, but you look forward to what is happening within your rhythm. And I feel like a better analogy for rhythms, one that's more helpful, is that rhythms are more like trellises. Yeah. I remember when we put up our garden and we had a trellis for the cucumbers. And this was news to me at the time. didn't know. I learned. grew up a trellis. Yeah, they grew up that trellis. But you don't sit there and have to control it. Yeah. Because you've intentionally create creatively built your rhythm to be something you really enjoy. Yeah, that's a really good thought. And there's something you said within there that in your example, which for you is like lighting candles, you love the atmosphere that lighting candles. Yeah. It's I'm like a big no overhead light kind of gal. Like don't turn on the big overhead light. It is too bright, too intense. you know, that cucumber is going to go, that vine is going to go up that, if you don't have that, you have the right tool in place to grow cucumbers. And so really need to have that support and that structure, but you know, instead of that cucumber suffocating on the ground or who going who knows where, it actually grows healthy. and is extremely fruitful you have that trellis in place for it to go up. That's so good. ⁓ it's like the rhythms are really in place to support the growth of your life, like to support the growth of your family. ⁓ they're not meant to hold you down. They're not meant to be a ball and chain. Rhythms like a trellis. They're going to help you grow and be your most fruitful potential. If you can give me mood lighting, candles, soft lighting, I'm all for it. Yes, you are. A thousand percent. And it's beautiful. It creates a great atmosphere in house. so anything you can add a candle to, whether it's the morning, whether it's the evening or a Sabbath kickoff. So true. Just dinner on a random Tuesday night. to really be the most fruitful in your home. Yeah, they're really gonna help you flourish. And today we wanna give you three ways to overcome the myth that rhythms are rigid. Yes. so our first ⁓ ⁓ first way for you to ⁓ rhythms in a new way ⁓ to really see that there is creativity or there can't ⁓ creativity inside of the rhythm. You're all about lighting the candles, but it does make you look forward. Like I'm sure for you sometimes cooking for our family, like big family is not always enjoyable and you are definitely, ⁓ every meal is three to five courses. ⁓ Many nights and it's amazing. But I know like part of what gets you through is like you so look forward to sitting down everyone around the table, candle lit. And so just like we were talking about rhythms being a trellis, know, the rhythm helps the cucumber grow and to produce and be fruitful. Rhythms really are that framework. Like a trellis is like a framework and rhythms are the framework to your home life. They're not the script. So it's not like word for word, this is exactly what you're gonna say and do, but more so almost like the container. The rhythm is the container. That's so true. No rush. Yes. That those moments. Yeah. And I've seen you push through big meals and be kind of tired by the end of them. But you you do it because you're excited for what's on the other side. Yeah. Actually, that's interesting. You bring that up because I just like just randomly will light a candle while I'm cooking dinner. Like, do you notice that sometimes on how like, no, it and that to me. makes me feel peaceful. Like I truly feel like lighting a candlestick even in the middle of like the cooking chaos helps me to enjoy like even turning on my jazz. You know, I turn on my Billie Holiday playlist. Yes. Sometimes I'll pour a glass of wine while while we're cooking like very occasionally. But there's just little things you could do like putting on your favorite music, you putting on a podcast like The Rooted Family, you know, while you're folding the laundry or cooking or whatever that And then inside the container are going to be the balls or ⁓ steps, the habits ⁓ you want to do within that particular rhythm. Yeah, I like how ⁓ speak about that. And I would love to hear you take that. Can you pick a rhythm and kind of talk about what does it look like? The pieces in that container that are supposed to be there. ⁓ boring rhythm is, and it just makes it fun. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ recently, actually, this is a fun idea. Recently, we kind of switched up. We tweaked our laundry rhythm. And one way we're making it fun right now is the older girls are folding with Chris and I at night. And we have started watching Shark Tank together as we're folding. And that's been something to look forward to, like on Thursday nights, like where it's like a but they're not filling up the whole space. what's like maybe our breakfast morning, for instance, like let's talk about that and share with us like what are some of the big items within that container that we try to always keep there? What's really about having a rhythm is it gives you kind of the boundaries. ⁓ and you get to put whatever you want inside the container. So for example, our morning breakfast rhythm, we know that we for sure wanna sit down together as a family and eat breakfast. We know that we wanna do some sort of spiritual reading, like whether it's like, or some of spiritual growth activity. So whether that's reading the Bible, reading a devotional, praying together. But if short on time, like if the morning really goes haywire, ⁓ power hour. We're folding every single person's laundry in the house, but within an hour, all four of us have watched Shark Tank. We're super inspired and we just folded all the laundry for the family. That's a very good example. Yeah, it's fun. It's helpful. And that was the rhythm we had in place for years. of I would fold the laundry after everybody went to bed. And you made it fun for yourself. I did, because that was the only time I watched TV all week long. You watched Star Wars literally every Wednesday for years. ⁓ No, that's not true. That's what it felt like. I would ⁓ Werthering sometimes. You proved my point. ⁓ And the kids are late getting up. You know, we have some cranky kids or we're cranky ourselves. All of this happened today, by the way. true. You we ⁓ know few things in the container that we for sure want to hit, but we don't always do every single thing in the container. So ⁓ we we want to sit down for breakfast generally by 7 a.m. We want to be eating as a family. And then you're leading in some sort of devotion. Sometimes Thursday Night Football was on. point being that it was, I made it fun, but that got longer and longer as our family grew and it was exhausting for me to be up super late. And so we tweaked the rhythm and we still made it fun and it still really works for us. it was a massive tweak in terms of saving me time. Totally. But not a huge tweak that like we didn't shift the day of the week. prayer time and then we know what time we have to leave the table and clean up in order to get you know some of our kids to school and then begin homeschooling for the others. so I think that ⁓ cool thing about this rhythm is that we can be creative with the type of devotional that we're doing. ⁓ We be creative with the type of prayer activity we're doing. So we've done like a prayer wall where we have ⁓ prayer posted on our breakfast wall ⁓ or taken prayer requests. We still made it fun. We still watch something. We still got the job done. so, yeah, that rhythm has been working really, really well for us. So to recap what we've talked about today, we've given you three ways to not feel like rhythms are rigid, because in reality, they really aren't. Where if they're rigid, you're doing something wrong. So three ways that you can do that is one, be creative inside the rhythm itself. like around the breakfast table, we have changed up the breakfast itself. We've been creative, like on Mondays we do bagels, Tuesday we do oatmeal, Wednesday we do waffles. so there's so much freedom that we have given ourselves and that's available to you as our listener in the rhythm itself. It's just that the rhythm creates the structure. Two, give yourself grace. 80%, like completing your rhythm 80 % well or 80 % of the time, that is winning. And the third thing is we want you to build joy or fun into your rhythms. Absolutely, because you don't need a perfect rhythm. You need a sustainable one. Yep. And so where have you made rhythms heavier than they were meant to be? that almost like the creativity can then flourish ⁓ within. you're right. And what's had to change over time is we have seven kids and they're all different ages. So trying to ⁓ work them at a level that makes sense to them, that they can understand what we're talking about with the Bible verse, like how we talk about the Bible verse maybe, or the song we read or or what small tweak could you do this week to a rhythm that you already have, but you feel like is not where you want it to be. Yeah. And we ask you these questions because we really believe that with these small tweaks or with these adjustments in mind, that you are going to be successful and you are going to flourish. Yeah. Yeah. if you are listening and you have to yourself, Any of those things it's changed. It's it's harder at certain times and you have to realize ⁓ I need to adjust what we're doing sometimes we've We have like this really cool sheep devotional. I love that sheep devotion Yeah, that came from the retreat that you went on it and It's fun because like sometimes when things feel stale after like a week or two We just pull that out because the kids really enjoy it and we'll do that again for I don't think rhythms are for me. Routines are too strict, too rigid. I'm much more of a loosey goosey, free-spirited person. You I want to speak to you right now because I know how you are feeling. Like, I remember being there and feeling like I am much too free-spirited for something as structured as a system or routine. like a week just to kind of bring the joy back into the morning. And then we go to ⁓ something different because that lasts for so long. And ⁓ we try to creative, like the structure allows us to say, this is what we do. And so now we just have to say, of all these other choices, ⁓ or what are we gonna do today and our structure all the time, we just take this one little component. But I can tell you from my own personal experience, like my own personal growth, that rhythms have truly transformed my life in a way that has actually given me more freedom. I truly feel like I have come alive when I have almost surrendered to ⁓ ⁓ it just has given me ⁓ a place to run. Like rhythms almost have given me this like. and we just tweak it to make it work for that particular season of life. that been really, really because we're not sitting here constantly changing our rhythm, but we do, ⁓ like you just kind of adjusting those components to make it fun, to make it interesting, ⁓ and to keep life flowing, but also changing it up every once in a while. ⁓ place to explore, have fun, and to just grow as a person. I actually was just talking to a really good friend last week who had shared, I love the concept of rhythms. I think that they're really a cool idea, but I just don't think I could ever stick with them because they're too rigid, which is actually what gave us the idea to do this episode today. And I just thought to myself, I know I once heard a quote that, and I don't know who says this specifically, but it's like, constraints breed creativity. I would for you to speak on this because I think that we have seen this play out in multiple areas of our life. Like when we've put boundaries or constraints around our time, our schedule, ⁓ when we put around like the rhythms in particular, but even like with our finances. ⁓ that she and I know that you can get to a place where you actually fall in love with rhythms. Not because they're so like religious or strict or like you're doing this like A plus job. But I think that you could fall in love with rhythms because it's going to open up your life to so much more than you could ever imagine. Absolutely. I'm sorry. I'm kind of laughing because I was just thinking about your college roommates. ⁓ like, you agree that when you put constraints around something like a rhythm puts constraints around a a particular timeframe, it really does lend itself breeding creativity. Yeah, it does. ⁓ I know what you're gonna say. And what they would, they would say you've come a long way. Yeah, if you are curious if I've always been this way, like all about rhythms, that is a big fat no. Like in college, if you would have even just seen my own personal space. you only have so much time. Like you do. We live within a constraint, the ultimate constraint of time. And it's a, ⁓ it's just a finite resource. So when you think about life that way, I think about it within my ⁓ you would have been like, yeah, that girl needs some structure in her life. She is like a walking tornado. And I did have any boundaries or restrictions or constrictions around even my time. Like I was all over the place doing all the things, saying yes to everything. You know, you can hear our story in episode one. But, yeah, rhythms have transformed my life because they've been the trellis. Like going back to the analogy, it has been the trellis. Morning rhythm. I have a constraint. I can only get up so early. I can only do so much constraint Allows me to say hey, I actually would like to put my phone down because if I use my whole hour To just play on or surf on my phone Now like I feel empty inside so that constraint of well, I only have an hour It has been the support that has helped me to grow and be fruitful. That's beautiful. I would say that's absolutely true. As someone who's watched you. Go from no trellis to a wonderful trellis, I would definitely say like it's not changed the fact you're a go getter, doesn't change the fact that you're a big dreamer, doesn't change the fact that there's. Probably every week there's feels like sometimes there's more. and what I want to do is journal, I want to read my Bible and I want to pray, well then I have to put aside everything else. But I follow the rhythm and I live within that constraint, I am so ⁓ I connected the Lord. feel like I ⁓ did exactly I wanted to do, which also brings a level of joy. ⁓ to do than time, it's just giving you a place that you thrive through. And you're living a more sustainable, ⁓ consistent life in your energy and who you are week to week. You went from super high go-getter highs to like, I'm exhausted lows and burned out. And now you run in this very consistent. exactly who God wants me to be. Or I'm going to grow into that. And the constraint says this is not phone time. Phone time needs to go at a different point. And it's not even to say like, hey, using your phone to read the news or to check on your favorite team or whatever you're using your phone for is bad. It just means, hey, if I live within this constraint, I'm going to stop and say, what do I really want out of this time? like long obedience in the same direction. Way. That's good. It's it's been really cool to see from my perspective. Yeah. ⁓ my of you, who is someone that's more prone to creating routines and rhythm? Like, I mean, you literally ⁓ had a five a.m., five thirty ⁓ morning ⁓ routine the day we married. was like, gosh, this guy is inspiring. Waking up like we're like And it allows me to make the most fulfilling decisions and to use my time in the way that is most fulfilling. Yeah. To me. I think the key with what you're saying is that you have to be the one to put the constraints. Because like if you, if I put those constraints on you, I can guarantee you, ⁓ not be joyful in in our early twenties, newly married and he's waking up at 5 a.m. to read his Bible. I'm like, I need to get myself into shape. But I think what I've seen you develop going, I think you were more routine focused, but I've seen you grow into this much more graceful person for yourself ⁓ you've really leaned into rhythms. Like knowing that you don't have to be like ⁓ rigid with it. sticking with that. Yeah, I probably would be ⁓ resentful. Because instead of deciding it for myself, and this true in leadership, it's true in family, it's true anywhere. Anytime you force something upon somebody, it can even be good for them and they're going to naturally push back against it. We're just not wired to quote unquote obey like a robot. Yeah. And so yeah, that ⁓ structure. ⁓ that you can give yourself grace and you're so faithful to the process. And I feel like you're giving yourself, you cut yourself more slack knowing that life happens. And I love seeing like you grow in your flexibility. I was just thinking that I'm not a very flexible person. It's like the rhythm gets thrown off by like a hair. His eyes kind of twitching a little bit. really allows that creativity to shine and flourish. without that structure, I mean, if you just had unlimited time before you had to go to work in the morning, like, what do do if you have an extra hour in the day that you probably Or yeah, or if you call me and say, can we do this differently today? I'm like, ⁓ do I have to? I don't want to. So true. I'm like, it's life. Life happens. You know, we can follow this 80 % while we're still winning. Like, like we literally still have to encourage ourselves with the same things that we're talking to you all about today. We do. We do. So thank you for listening today. We've loved having you here for this conversation. Please leave us a review. Share with a friend who burn an hour two on your phone, social media or something. And then later when like, man, I could have, I could have done the laundry or I could have read that book I've been wanting to read, or I could have like, ⁓ time doing something more purposeful and meaningful that you actually wanted to do. Yeah. And I think most people would turn around and say, I wish I had done something different and fulfilling. And so does ⁓ really create Think structure is restrictive. We'd love to continue the conversation with them and message us. Tell us one rhythm that you're working on. Hit us up on Instagram, ⁓ T. Cornish, or shoot us an email at info at deeplyrootedlegacy.com. And we'd love to hear from you and continue to walk with you in this journey of building your rhythms. ⁓ Bye an opportunity for us to say, all right, well, here's the time I have. What am I going to do with it? And in a way that will allow me and my family to be flourishing by the end of the day. Totally. Yeah. I think that, you know, as we think about this point ⁓ I think people ⁓ shy from rhythms and routines because there are some personality types that are very loosey goosey. ⁓ They're ⁓ free spirits and I would say that I definitely have a free spirit nature myself I'm an artist. So naturally I want to be creative and like everything I do. ⁓ I think there's some of you who are listening that probably relate to that and you ⁓ are like, hands up X like I am not doing a rhythm because it like gives me no creativity. ⁓ But I the key for us who are free spirits is in you hit on this Christian. ⁓ that we have to be the ones to determine the parameters that allows us to then create the rules. We get to write the rules. And I think that's what we really want to communicate today is that like no one is telling you what you have to do ⁓ or how to do the rhythms. You get to be the one. There is so much creativity in how you build your rhythm. And it... I mean, unless you have a very controlling, abusive spouse, which we hope and pray you do not, and we know that actually does exist, know, outside of those ⁓ circumstances, my hope that as a team, you can together really write your own rules so that you do have this beautiful trellis that supports the growth of your family, ⁓ getting your family to grow in the you ⁓ are envisioning where you want to go. When we talked in our last episode about being a strong team and ⁓ often a marriage, one can free-spirited, ⁓ it most likely people are not equally free-spirited, also means you need to work together ⁓ one beautiful thing about rhythms is coming up with something that ⁓ works, maybe some fluid. or open space for that person who wants to have less structure, but it's still enough structure that the other person feels loved ⁓ can live within that and cared for at the same time. ⁓ I am not, like I do not relate to being the free spirit at ⁓ You are much more routine ⁓ you have a very steady personality in you. ⁓ you actually thrive with routines. Yeah, and where there isn't one, I would probably create it. Right. So I, I just want that. Like, and so like for us, I think our Sabbath is a beautiful example of like, there's, they're all different. Saturday looks different to us, but there are certain things that are consistent or I can rely upon. Yeah. And what's great about that is, There's also freedom within the day and what we choose to do. Totally. And so I'm sure we'll come back to all of that as we go. You're making the point though, like the, have the rhythm, the, we have the trellis in place. ⁓ we have Sabbath has been decided between you and I, we as a, as a couple, ⁓ we want to honor the Sabbath every week. So we have parameter, a constraint that we've put in, like we begin our Sabbath on Friday night every week. and Saturday night we end it, Friday night to Saturday night. within that rhythm, the container, within the Sabbath, ⁓ the freedom to be creative as much as we wanna be. And so I love that. know, most Sabbaths, most Sabbaths, that's hard to say, like plural Sabbaths. Most we wake up, we have slow morning, we have coffee by the fire. That's something that you love to rely on and that I look forward to also. ⁓ But then there's also these like fun surprises that we do. Like sometimes we'll go out to the hot springs in our town and we'll go for walks in the river or sometimes we'll just stay in and play board games all day. But like there's so much freedom. get to almost determine what we want to do each time. Yeah. And I love that. Like I love that we can be creative within the Sabbath. Yeah. Sometimes we... have more energy, it wasn't maybe a super draining week, and so we choose to get up early to have a little extra quiet time. And other weeks are like, we're absolutely exhausted and we were short on sleep and we choose to sleep in that morning. But you're right, still wake up, we're still gonna have our coffee. If you don't let me have my coffee, we're done. It's not happening. moving forward. Well, any day it's not moving forward, but especially on Saturday. Yeah. And, you know, sitting down, having some time together to connect, like those are consistent, whether that happens at six in the morning or whether it happens at eight in the morning is not super important. Totally. Just that it happens. Yeah. And I think that's the key. The rhythm happens. rhythm happens because we allow ourselves to be creative with it and we. ⁓ And we're going to get into this in the next few points, but we have fun with it and that we really truly let the rhythm help us to thrive. And so I think that's the point I want to make is that when you have structure, when you have rhythms, some sort of structure, some sort of rhythm that will lead to creativity and the creativity will actually flourish because you have the rhythm in place. Yeah. So I think this leads us to the next point, which is having grace within the rhythm. So we're, again, we're sharing three ways that rhythms are not rigid. And I think that when we offer ourselves grace within a rhythm, we begin to see that this is not a jail zone. This is actually a beautiful garden. that we get to flourish in. I was just trying to think of another analogy that would be the total opposite of being in jail. To me, that's being in a garden. Beautiful, warm, it's inviting. There's like... ⁓ colorful, it's very pretty. Colorful and pretty. ⁓ and I think also along with this point, and I'm curious if you agree with this, we to meet our rhythms at 80 % well. Would you say that like that's kind of what we're aiming for usually? I would say so. Yeah. I win. Or would you say 79 %? 81. 81. Yeah. Yeah. No, gotta be about that. I actually am like a A minus kind of guy. So I'll accept A. I know you were an A plus kind of like recovering perfectionist. You know, unfortunately, yeah. Yeah. I wanna be A plus in everything. A plus plus. I would love to hear from you though, because that is a little more of your personality. You know, how have you worked on that kind of perfectionistic trap that can happen when you... Because you talked about it earlier with like the meals Like how did you overcome that? Or what did it look like before and what does it look like now for you? Yeah, because I think rhythms... you have more of a perfectionism tendency, ⁓ think that you can fall into a trap with and routines where you are dictating ⁓ every step, every single minute has a function. And if don't do your rhythm or routine by that exact plan, then you hold this hammer over yourself and you are just like, I failed, I failed. ⁓ this is no good, I need to start over or I need to ditch this rhythm. And I definitely think that as a recovering perfectionist, I can relate to that because I want to be excellent. Like I truly desire to be excellent in all that I do. And I think we can take it too far where we're like, I have to be perfect and I have to do it all or I'm not gonna do it at all. I have to do it all or I'm not going to do it at all. That all or nothing mentality. think we've heard this a lot over the years from people who say I'm either like all into something or I'm all out. And the truth is it's not really how we live our life. It's not a healthy way to live. And it's not a healthy way to live your life. 80 % is winning. and you are moving in the direction you want to move to and life happens. Maybe it's being in our late 30s now that we see that more than ever. Excuse me, 30s. Oh, sorry. When you are younger, like in your 20s though, you think you can do everything or you think it all has to be done immediately. Or go big or go home. go big or go home and when every decade, I think you see this especially in older, wiser people that we've been so privileged to spend time with, there's not a rush. There is an understanding that things take time. There's an understanding that you're trying to move in the right direction. ⁓ investing is a great example, right? In a single year, your investments can go up. and they can go down. But the point is you invest because in the long run, you're trending up. In the long run, you're actually growing exponentially. But you have to do it or it won't happen. Well, and along with that, usually we're doing such small, like smaller amounts that add up to something big over the lifetime. We don't often see the big reward right away because we're like, this feels so minimal. like if I just meal plan this week, okay, this is just one week. Like it's so minimal. I could just forego this week because life is crazy. ⁓ But we don't realize ⁓ every little step along the like every dollar that you invest, you know, if we're talking about that analogy about making investments, ⁓ we get to the end our life and we have ⁓ over time saved ⁓ and our investments really ⁓ turned so much more. ⁓ And so it's almost like being so obedient, being faithful with the few. the Bible talks about that, being faithful with the few, with the little, and how we can trust that God is gonna take that faithfulness and it can lead to more fruit than we could have ever imagined. Yeah. I would love to hear how you've given yourself grace. Like, what's a rhythm that you have had to learn to give yourself grace in now compared to when you first tried it. Yeah, actually, this is just ⁓ one that's coming to mind right now that I wouldn't have thought about originally when we were thinking through this episode. But I'm thinking about when I was new in building my Mary Kay business. And part of building a business as any of you listening have built businesses, you know that building your customer base is so important. being so consistent with the follow-up, with contact, with the follow-through. And I remember early on in my business, I wanted to be ⁓ so so ⁓ like in how I was calling people, touching base with people, following up with people. I burned out pretty fast, not burned out where I didn't wanna do the business anymore, but I realized that I couldn't stick with that anymore. Like I could do it for like a month, ⁓ I'm like, okay, this is not giving me the work-life that I envisioned starting a business. Well, and to be clear, you are a goal chaser. Yeah, very so you would set a really aggressive big goal that you wouldn't be very excited about. You're like, I'm ready to go work for this. But what you realized was all the ramp up energy you had to put into that. then you, because it was such a big goal and then you would chase it. And then you just was done. You were just so exhausted. And I think I realized that was. really early on in my business, that was way before we were earning cars, but definitely that momentum led us to building cars. I realized that if this business was gonna be sustainable for us, needed to figure out rhythms in my business that would develop consistency over time. ⁓ I didn't have to be so intense all the time. ⁓ I remember even developing a mantra for myself. Do you remember when I always said, consistency beats intensity? Consistency beats intensity. ⁓ And I think that carries on through to rhythms because we can be so gung-ho like, I'm so excited about this meal planning rhythm or I'm so excited about having this new family devotion rhythm ⁓ or this new Sabbath rhythm. ⁓ And we're going to hardcore and we're going to it perfectly X, Y and Z. ⁓ And the moment we mess up, the moment we fail or the moment get sick and we ditch the rhythm for a week or a day. ⁓ we can be so gung-ho like, I'm so excited about this meal planning rhythm or I'm so excited about having this new family devotion rhythm ⁓ or this new Sabbath rhythm. ⁓ And we are like, going to go hardcore and going to do it perfectly X, Y and Z. ⁓ And the moment we mess up, the moment we fail the moment we get sick and we ditch the rhythm for a week or a day. ⁓ We are like, will we failed and I'm not gonna do this now. We throw the rhythm out the window. I think that the key is asking ourselves, how ⁓ I something that is sustainable? What does it look like for me ⁓ to enough in rhythm and enough grace for myself that this rhythm can be sustainable for the long haul? We are like, will we failed and I'm not gonna do this now. We throw the rhythm out the window. I think that the key is asking ourselves, how ⁓ I something that is sustainable? What does it look like for me ⁓ to enough in rhythm and enough grace for myself that this rhythm can be sustainable for the long haul? instead of something that is so rigid, so tight, that I'm expecting to achieve this 100 % all the time, I just think that's setting ourselves up for failure with it. instead of something that is so rigid, so tight, that I'm expecting to achieve this 100 % all the time, I just think that's setting ourselves up for failure with it. Yeah, it's why most people don't finish their New Year's resolution, like we talked about in our Word of the Year episode. It's why most people give up on, something that they really need in their life like the Sabbath or maybe to focus on their health to ⁓ more time with their wife or their children and you know they try something and it doesn't go ⁓ way they hoped ⁓ so they just give up yeah and there is so much we lose in when we give up totally ⁓ You know, I'm curious here from you because you're such a routine person naturally, like you really thrive with routines and you almost are the other side of it where like you're not perfectionist, but I think if you get out of rhythm, you kind of almost resort to shame. Like you hold it kind of over yourself of like you didn't finish the rhythm the way you wanted to. How have you yourself grace? Like what does that look like for you as like a man? to give yourself grace? I think what it's looked like for me ⁓ really appreciate the concept of just taking ownership of something. And so me, when I have a rhythm in mind and I'm not able to stick with it. So like a example would be actually very recently in like the last three weeks was I got out of rhythm of going to the gym, I took a trip some friends ⁓ then I came back ⁓ I changed some of my rhythms with going to the gym ⁓ I was trying to help you. You were doing something and you needed some more help from me at home during the day. So I wanted to come home for lunch when I was usually not coming home for lunch. And so thought, I'll get up in the morning I'll go. It's totally fine. but I haven't been able to physically get up in the morning and go. Like I've been staying up too late. You know, I can make a bunch of excuses. Oh, I stay up too late. I can't make this work. I like to do CrossFit. The CrossFit Open starts this weekend. There's a big community workout. It's always really, really hard. And it's like every year I get to February and I know this is coming and I'm like, oh, I haven't worked out in three weeks. Yeah, let's go do something that will kill me. No, I can't do that and I wish I could. So it's like a time where I could have some shame, but instead I try to have the mentality of like, how can I own this? Okay, this is what happened. I can't change it. However, I do have the opportunity to talk to you about changing my schedule or say, okay, I'm going to adjust and I'm going to make a better effort to go to bed early. Why have I not done that? and really evaluate and take ownership and say, okay, here's what I'm going to do to adjust it. feel like that's like a mentality that always helps me. I don't want to have a mentality of I'm up or like there's, guess there's nothing to really be ashamed about, but you can be ashamed if you're comparing yourself to like in my world, guess, other top CrossFit athletes. Like I can't compare myself to them. in a different season of life, I've chosen a different rhythm, I compare myself to like these mega So I think having a healthy comparison as well, who are you looking at? What are you comparing yourself to in life? And you kind of learning to start to shed some of that so that you like, I'm doing the things I want to do, but I am not comparing myself now to Someone I quote unquote see as doing it better. Yeah, I'm Comparing myself to me and am I doing all that I can do Doing that within ⁓ ⁓ control. Yeah, ⁓ I like you said that like am I doing this within a healthy Control like healthy mindset and taking the ownership is ⁓ is really extreme in today's world taking ownership There's a lot of blaming out there, blaming and shaming other people for our lives, not owning our own life. I think we think we have to have the exact rhythms or routines that other people have that are successful. But really, ⁓ think a lot of times we are so hard on ourselves that no one else is holding the hammer over us. But we're just not. ⁓ though we're not taking ownership over our own life and circumstances saying like, well, this is impossible because of whatever excuse. I think that's a key with this one is like having grace for yourself. ⁓ really does come down to almost taking the ownership of giving ⁓ grace. Yeah. we love ⁓ you enough to tell give yourself some grace. Like one is coming into your home and is holding an expectation over your head. Yeah. It's, just not reality. And we often live our life as that's ⁓ what's As somebody's here, you know, we're mad that at ourselves cause we're not good enough at this or blah, blah, And like, no one's looking. Yeah. No one cares. Yep. No one knows that you, ⁓ you didn't follow your meal plan yesterday. Yeah, no one knows. Yeah. And no one cares. Like we are all focused on our own family lives. Yeah. And shame comes from like, ⁓ I screwed up and other people see that or know that, or we feel like they need to hide it. Like, ⁓ ⁓ going to go to your priest and confess, father, I follow my meal plan this week. Please pray me. ⁓ For forgiveness. Like that's not a thing. ⁓ it shouldn't be a thing. ⁓ ⁓ we do that in our head. We do that to ourselves. And so let's stop taking ourselves to ⁓ confessional internally and start owning it. But yeah, we have to have grace for ourselves and only you can give yourself grace. Yeah. In that moment. Absolutely. That's good. Yeah, so I think we just want to encourage you that rhythms give you the opportunity to make progress in your life. They're not there to hold you to a perfect standard. They're not about performing. They are not about performing. Yeah, they are definitely more of a practice, something that like kind of like doctors call their work practicing because they're constantly just getting better. They have not reached a level of perfection or they know everything. there is to know about medicine, they are practicing. And that's the same thing with rhythms. We are practicing on how to grow our families and to thrive as a family. And rhythms provide that beautiful grace-filled structure to help you to progress. Yeah, they do. And one great way to make sure that they're continuing to progress is to make it fun. I think that this is so ⁓ easy to miss. it's true. everybody wants to have fun. Like some people like you like to have a little less fun. And some people like me are a little bit more all about the fun. Let's just clarify. You actually just care about making everything fun. Whereas I'm like, you know what? I can do this without having fun and get it done. but you have to have fun. That's like a high value. Well, it fun builds sustainability. It just makes you want to keep coming back to it, right? That's true. And I think in every rhythm, we can create moments that are fun. getting up in the morning, I to get up in the morning. Like I hate staying up. But a lot of people are not like that, right? But what can you look forward to? to get you out of bed. Because people ask me all the time, how do you get up so early every day? Well, for me, have so much to look forward to in that quiet time. And you've intentionally built the rhythm so that ⁓ use your creativity to put things in the rhythm that you want to do. Yeah. I want to have ⁓ great cup of coffee. I want to sit by the fire. ⁓ or sit and watch the sunrise if it's too hot for that. So I do change that depending on the time of year. And I look forward to reading my Bible. I look forward to my journal time. Let's be real. You look forward to the silence. the only silent moment of my entire day. It is true.