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STSE #66: Is Confidence Contagious? · Sometimes There's Side Eye

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  Welcome to Sometimes There's Side Eye, a podcast about two
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  friends having real and unfiltered conversations about
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  dogs and people listen as we talk about our lives with dogs,
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  training, behavior, share some laughs and a whole lot of
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  banter. I'm Heather.
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  And I'm Christy. What are we talking about this
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  week, Christy? This week we're going to talk
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  about if adding a more confident dog into your home can help a
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  shy dog that you're. Living with and why are we going
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  to talk about this? So this came up as a question
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  from my friend who has a very shy dog.
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  Oh. Yeah, and she was asking if I
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  thought adding a more confident dog to her house would help her
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  current dog. And what was your answer?
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  My answer was no. In.
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  Her specific. Case tell us.
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  Why her dog is not Her dog is fine around other dogs.
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  She we can travel together, we walk together, we hike together,
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  no problems. But her dog doesn't seek out
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  other dogs in any way. So she's not interested in
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  making dog friends or she doesn't look to other dogs for
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  direction. And even with dogs she knows
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  really, really well, they only see like maybe like half a
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  second of potential play and then it fizzles out.
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  So, and this is Doug, she's known for years.
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  So for her, I don't think adding an additional dog to the mix is
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  going to harm anything. But I also don't think it's
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  going to help anything with their current dog.
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  I don't think it's going to draw that dog out of her shell and
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  make her more confident, more at ease around people or other dogs
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  or sports, those types of things.
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  I think it's hard because like 1.
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  I think that people say their dog is shy and like that the
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  definition of that and what that actually looks like is very
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  different for different dogs. So I think that for some people,
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  like shy might mean they're lacking confidence.
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  I think that for some people, shy might mean that they lack
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  confidence only in a specific area.
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  Yeah. You know, And lacking confidence
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  or being afraid of things can also manifest in different ways.
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  You might have a dog who's super fearful that then goes to fear
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  aggression. Well, to throw another dog in
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  the mix there, you could end up in a really yucky situation.
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  So like, I think it really depends on what do you mean by
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  shy and how does the dog feel like, feel about being around
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  other dogs? I think it's interesting that
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  your friend's dog is fine, like hiking and everything.
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  That makes sense to me because she already knows in those
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  scenarios what is going to happen.
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  It's it's very predictable to, to that dog, I bet.
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  So the other dogs are generally on leash.
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  They're moving forward. It's not, oh, we're here to like
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  sit at a dog park. You're forward motion.
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  Everybody's on a mission, everybody's going the same
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  direction. So her the chance of a really
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  intense interaction with another dog is not as not as high, you
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  know. Yeah.
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  Whereas throwing another dog into two dogs into one house is.
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  Yeah, and this is a dog who can live with other dogs no
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  problems. They dog sit.
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  We've been to the cabin with them, with both Lucy and
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  Jackson. She prefers not to have bigger
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  dogs around, but he tolerates it.
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  And so I do think that's an interesting point you bring up
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  about what do we mean when you say shy?
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  And I think a lot of people find out without realizing it is a
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  lack of confidence that Wilts the dog, that that brings the
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  dog into themselves. And whereas some dogs lack
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  confidence and like you said, explode.
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  Outward I It makes me think of a particular dog that we met at
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  the shelter. So many means moons ago.
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  I don't remember if you were there this time or not, but I
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  met this dog and I really liked her.
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  But she was extremely shy and overwhelmed at the shelter.
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  And based on her behavior when she interacted with other dogs,
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  she really came out of her shyness, shall we say.
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  She sort of opened up and her body got looser.
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  She was more animated. She was seeking out the dog's
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  attention. She was clearly looking to be
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  around another dog. And so when we were when we were
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  promoting her through social media, we were saying, hey, she
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  would do really well with a confident dog, with a dog who is
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  a good match for her. And she ended up getting
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  actually adopted by a couple who had another dog.
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  And she blossomed. She did so wonderful.
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  So part of it was probably being overwhelmed in the shelter, and
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  then part of it was having another dog to show her the way.
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  I think that we talked about, like how we talk about it in
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  Rottweilers, having a weaker temperament or like having less
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  confidence. Sometimes that confident dog
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  coming in really can make a dog open up and blossom and kind of
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  show them the way, which is really cool.
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  But it is a question of is it actually going to enrich that
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  dog's life? Exactly because I went on to
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  tell my friend that we had used Lucy in several situations to
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  boost other dogs confidence. Our friend's dog was very scared
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  walking at night and that was never a thing for Lucy and so
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  she just walked confidently. I didn't even know he was scared
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  to walk at night because he so confidently walked with her.
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  And then the owner told me later I was like, oh, I've been
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  walking on that night. Sorry.
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  Like I didn't. She said, oh, it's it's fine.
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  He's been fine. And I was like, yeah, I didn't
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  even notice a change in his body language at all.
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  Like he was very confident, just kept up with Lucy.
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  And they were just two pals going on a walk.
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  And I do think that a confident dog can bring that out in dogs,
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  but I don't think it's a given. Yeah, I agree with you.
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  And I think that you have to really understand your own dog's
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  behavior and what their temperament is.
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  And then you have to assess, OK, if this is what I have.
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  And I think that this will be helpful.
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  You also have to keep in mind when you're picking the
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  temperament of the other dog, so you know, you can't just be
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  like, Oh well, my dog would be OK.
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  It would enrich their life and then just Willy nilly pick the
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  other match for them. It has to be the correct match
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  because you wouldn't want to get the wrong dog and it actually
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  squelched them. That's.
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  Yeah. You know, and like make it a
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  worse situation. Right, yeah.
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  Or all of a sudden this may be, you know, less confident dog is
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  scared of these situations And a dog you bring in that you
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  thought was more confident is like, well, why are you scared?
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  Maybe I should also be scared like, what's going on here?
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  Because that can also happen depending on the situation.
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  Some dogs look to each other and they're like, wait, why are you
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  scared? Should I also be feeling certain
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  ways about this? And I, I even think about Jenny
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  because talk about a confident dog, that dog.
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  Devil for it. She was so confident.
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  But I don't. Think she was helping anyone
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  else's confidence? She was I.
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  Mean, yeah, but like seriously, who was she around that you
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  would have expected her to help? Lucy had confidence to burn.
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  Tiago didn't need her help. Yeah, I wouldn't say that she we
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  had dogs that needed confidence, but watching her she was not
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  inclined to give confidence either.
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  That's true. She kept a, she kept herself a
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  little, a little perimeter. Yeah, and so I know we had a
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  puppy over at one point and Lucy played very gently with the
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  puppy and Jenny came in and was like, everyone, stop having fun.
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  Little Hall monitor. Yeah, so she was confident in
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  everything she did, but she didn't care to share that
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  confidence. She was never checking for
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  everybody else's comfort. Only her comfort mattered in
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  life. It's kind of funny that she was
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  like the hall monitor and now Tiago's the hall monitor.
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  That's hilarious to me. But yeah, I mean, I think it's a
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  very, very delicate balance because that lack of confidence
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  could be a genetic thing. It could be the way that they
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  grew up and were were not socialized.
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  It could be their breed type, it could be their breed mix coming
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  together 'cause you got like weird breeds coming together
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  that don't make sense. And it could be a combination of
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  everything. So I think then that makes me
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  say, if you are not educated in dog behavior and you want to add
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  another dog, what do you do? You talk to Heather.
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  No. No.
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  No, I mean, yes, if we're friends like I'm happy to help,
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  but. Everybody's reached out to
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  Heather right now. I think you employ the help of a
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  dog trainer. I do.
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  Yeah, somebody that you trust. Yeah, somebody who's educated,
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  yeah. Or, or is willing to like take
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  time to get to know your dog. If, if somebody is a dog trainer
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  and they're worth their salt, they should be able to spend an
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  hour or two with your dog, put them through a couple different
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  scenarios and be able to determine, OK, like what, who is
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  your dog? What do they need, what is good
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  for them, What's not by also just getting to know you and
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  asking them questions, you know, asking you questions about your
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  dog. So I would really say that that
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  would be something that would be super helpful.
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  And I would also say if you're adopting, then that would be a
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  situation where you want to employ fostering versus just
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  going and adopting a dog from with unknown personality and
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  origin. What are your thoughts on that?
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  Yeah. I think that would be really
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  helpful to know how a dog has interacted with other dogs and
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  in the home environment because often what we see at the shelter
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  is not what's represented in the home in both good and bad ways.
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  Right. So, you know, dogs are
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  overwhelmed at the shelter. And some of the time that means
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  they shut down. Yeah.
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  And then at home, they're a totally different dog.
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  And some of the times it means that they're more outgoing
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  because they're attention seeking, but then they get into
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  a home situation and they're more shut down than we expect.
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  So there's a lot of unknowns. And fostering isn't 100% because
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  when a dog leaves my house I don't expect the next home to be
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  exactly like OF. Course.
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  And those nuances are going to change behaviors, but you can
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  get a baseline of, OK, this is what has worked and this is what
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  I see as a foster. Well, it's like we talked about,
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  it's stacking the deck in your favor.
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  Actually, yes, because you're going into the situation with
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  some knowledge versus none, while also keeping in mind that
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  the different nuances of the scenario and the two dogs coming
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  together could change how things go.
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  That dog that I was talking about that we saw in the shelter
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  that ended up you, there were probably four or five people
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  with huge amounts of behavior knowledge and experience looking
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  at that dog and assessing her and saying, coming away with
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  Ohio, if she had a confident dog that she was adopted with that
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  this would likely go very well. That's not the average
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  assessment that shelter dogs are receiving.
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  And even then with all of that knowledge, we could have gotten
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  it very wrong. So you know, I, I agree with
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  you. I think that if you have a dog
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  with special circumstances, which I would call being quite
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  shy or lack of confidence as a special circumstance, then you
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  are going to want to try and get a dog that you have information
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  about. I would also, you might not like
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  this, but I also want to say that you might want to consider
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  breeds because some like, if you want to stack the deck in your
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  favor and you have a list of breeds that you're interested in
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  and you have a dog that's lacking in confidence.
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  If you want to like maybe make your, your shopping for a new
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  dog a little bit easier. I probably am not going to tell
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  you to go and look at Chihuahuas.
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  Not to pick. On Chihuahuas, but like their
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  breed, disposition is generally what it is.
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  And but then at on the same token, if your dog is small, I'm
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  not likely to tell you to go and get a Rottweiler, even though
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  it's generally they're a really confident breed, right?
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  So like I think you, I think that you can think logically
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  about your decision carefully trying to make it easier for
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  your dog to find the right match.
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  But then also I'm not saying to you if you really really dislike
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  papillons to. Why?
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  Why are we always set up bring up the Papillons?
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  If if you really don't like that breed or you don't want to breed
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  that you're going to have to brush and groom, then don't go
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  do that because you think it's the best for your dog.
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  I don't mean it that way. I just like, I think it's
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  something to keep in mind because breed dispositions are
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  what they are. If you're going and looking at
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  mixed breed dogs, I mean, then I think you just go and say what
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  are we looking at in front of us?
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  Yeah, I I would agree with you there.
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  So if, if you're just looking at rescue and, and you're OK with
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  mixed breed dogs, then definitely look for dogs you can
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  have a little history on and work with the rescue and say
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  like, hey, even if you don't have anything right now, these
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  are the things I'm looking for. I would really like a dog who's
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  confident. And maybe they say, hey, right
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  now that that's not in our books or we only have this £120, you
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  know, dog who is confident and this £85 and the £75, but you're
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  looking at 25 lbs. We don't have it right now, but
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  let us, you know, keep you in mind for future adoptions.
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  Yeah. And that's OK too, to, to work
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  with different rescues. Also, you're right.
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  There are certain breeds that have certain standardized
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  temperaments, not that you're going to get the same exact.
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  Dog from every. Breeding, but yeah, they have a
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  standard and if you're looking for a purebred dog from a
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  breeder then know what that breed brings to the table.
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  Yeah, yeah. I would also say like, don't
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  feel pressured if you don't feel like it's the right fit.
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  There should be an element of patience in this search as well
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  out of respect for your current dog.
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  So if your gut is saying to you, this doesn't feel right, but
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  somebody maybe at the rescue of their shelter is saying no, no,
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  no, no, this is it. Listen to your gut.
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  You know your dog the best, you know your dog the best of
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  anyone. And so I would say don't feel
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  pressured to take on a dog that is that you feel might not be
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  the right fit. And, and that also is why I say
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  employ a trainer in a situation like this, because then you have
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  an unbiased opinion who is able to move through the process.
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  You're you have somebody who doesn't have in the game on
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  either side, but it's just looking to make sure that your
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  dog gets what they need. They don't have an emotional
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  stake. Yeah.
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  And I would also say if there is a breed that you really like
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  that maybe doesn't fit the standard, that's OK.
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  Be patient because I've met a number of confident Chihuahuas
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  that are helpful and fun and for other dogs.
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  Yes. If you're looking for a specific
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  breed and find a breeder that breeds the temperament you want
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  as well. Well, it's just like when we had
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  Christy on from Desert Harbor Doberman Rescue, you know, she
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  said they have a very long wait list of people who want this
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  certain type of Doberman, right? And it's like, then there's
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  other people who will get a Doberman from them much faster
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  because the requirements that they have are much looser for
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  whatever reason. So you just kind of have to keep
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  that in mind if you're moving forward with either a breeder or
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  a rescue. And if if you've done your
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  research and you've followed all of our tips and you're going to
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  an ethical breeder or a responsible rescue, then they
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  should understand why you want to take your time and find the
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  right dog. Absolutely, yeah.
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  Don't feel pressured to move ahead if you're not a little
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  confident. Yep, I agree.
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  So basically all the tips we gave you in this episode applies
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  to any time you add a dog to your home.
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  Christy's giving them the eyeballs.
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  She's unhappy. Is it not true?
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  It's true, it's true. If you've enjoyed this episode,
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  subscribe, rate and share us wherever you get your podcast.
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  Also come on over to Instagram and engage with us at Sometimes
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  Their Side Eye. Thanks for listening everybody.
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  Talk to you next time. Bye bye.