Latest / The You Project / #1597 Doing What Doesn't Work - Harps

Transcript

#1597 Doing What Doesn't Work - Harps · The You Project

0:02
Speaker 1: Hi everyone. I hope you're really good, really good. I
0:05
Speaker 1: hope you're having a great time. I hope life's good.
0:08
Speaker 1: I hope your body's good, your health's good, your relationship's good,
0:11
Speaker 1: You're having some fun, You're learning a bit of stuff,
0:13
Speaker 1: falling down, getting up, you know, surviving, thriving, good days,
0:18
Speaker 1: bad days, peaks and troughs, bit of mayhem, bit of chaos,
0:21
Speaker 1: bit of joy. But I hope in the middle of
0:24
Speaker 1: all of those very normal human things you are doing good.
0:29
Speaker 1: That's my wish for you. So today I want to
0:32
Speaker 1: talk to you about this idea of a used by date.
0:37
Speaker 1: We know what to use by date is when we
0:38
Speaker 1: talk about food and products and all that stuff, of
0:42
Speaker 1: course we do. And the genesis for this conversation. This
0:45
Speaker 1: morning I was at the cafe and a young dude
0:48
Speaker 1: who's lovely dude. It's a bit of a surfer. Dude,
0:51
Speaker 1: is a bit of a free spirit. He's twenty five.
0:55
Speaker 1: He spent three years driving around Australia. Can you believe
0:58
Speaker 1: that three is driving around a st just hanging out.
1:02
Speaker 1: He did a degree before that in I think commerce
1:05
Speaker 1: and anyway, he brought me my coffee this morning. We
1:08
Speaker 1: had a big chat and as is often the way,
1:13
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, maybe it's me, maybe it's them, maybe
1:16
Speaker 1: it's meant to be. But we got caught up in conversation.
1:19
Speaker 1: Don't tell his boss that. And he was just telling
1:23
Speaker 1: me about what he does and what he wants to do.
1:26
Speaker 1: And you know, the interesting thing was he he's twenty five,
1:31
Speaker 1: so he's not eighteen or nineteen. But he's been working
1:35
Speaker 1: on and off the whole time. And so even when
1:37
Speaker 1: he was studying, he was working, when he was traveling,
1:40
Speaker 1: he was working. But for the most part working. But
1:43
Speaker 1: he doesn't have absolute clarity about what he wants to do.
1:48
Speaker 1: And I said, well, that's the world's biggest club, so
1:53
Speaker 1: don't panic about that. Don't worry about that. You don't
1:55
Speaker 1: need to figure that. This is my thinking anyway. I
1:58
Speaker 1: could be wrong, but I said to him, you know what,
2:03
Speaker 1: you're going to be working for a long time, and
2:05
Speaker 1: you want to find something that, either in the now
2:09
Speaker 1: or in the short to medium term, that you know
2:12
Speaker 1: that hopefully you love, if not, at the very least
2:16
Speaker 1: you really like it. If not that, then hopefully it's
2:20
Speaker 1: kind of tolerable and has moments of pleasure. But we're
2:24
Speaker 1: talking about this idea of finding your thing and finding
2:27
Speaker 1: your job and finding your purpose and knowing essentially what
2:34
Speaker 1: you're going to do for the next thirty or forty years.
2:37
Speaker 1: And I said to him, he knows what I do.
2:40
Speaker 1: And I said, you know, I talked to people regularly,
2:42
Speaker 1: and this is true. I've had this my whole life,
2:44
Speaker 1: where I talk to people who are forty forty five,
2:48
Speaker 1: fifty fifty five, and some of those people still don't
2:53
Speaker 1: know what they want to do in inverted commas with
2:56
Speaker 1: their life, or they've been doing something for a very
2:59
Speaker 1: long time time that they don't love, that doesn't fulfill them,
3:05
Speaker 1: that doesn't give them joy, that doesn't you know, it
3:08
Speaker 1: ticks a few boxes, but when you consider how much
3:11
Speaker 1: you work in the middle of that, you would think, well,
3:14
Speaker 1: if possible, you want to do something that ticks more
3:17
Speaker 1: than just the financial box. And he was a little
3:23
Speaker 1: not worried, but thinking about, you know, the pressure to
3:26
Speaker 1: find your thing. And I said, you know what, maybe
3:29
Speaker 1: maybe you're going to find your thing and that thing
3:32
Speaker 1: is going to set you on fire. You're going to
3:34
Speaker 1: fucking love it. It's going to tick all the boxes
3:36
Speaker 1: you're going to it's going to be amazing, and then
3:40
Speaker 1: in five years, you're going to find something else. And
3:43
Speaker 1: I said to him, you've got to think about the
3:45
Speaker 1: fact that things in life other than milk and bread
3:49
Speaker 1: have a used by date. And when I say to people,
3:53
Speaker 1: you don't need to find your thing and then that's
3:57
Speaker 1: you for the next forty years. Who said that, Like,
4:00
Speaker 1: where does that idea come from? That you need to
4:03
Speaker 1: find a career? And we know now that people turn
4:05
Speaker 1: over careers a lot. It's very different to the old days,
4:08
Speaker 1: but still there's a lot of thinking that I need
4:10
Speaker 1: to find my ideal lifestyle. I need to find my
4:14
Speaker 1: optimal relationship or training protocol or way of eating, or
4:23
Speaker 1: I need to find my purpose and that is going
4:26
Speaker 1: to be me for the next forty years. Guess what, one,
4:29
Speaker 1: Maybe you don't have a purpose. Maybe you have several purposes.
4:34
Speaker 1: It's not just a single thing. I wouldn't say that
4:37
Speaker 1: I only have a purpose. And also, you know, you
4:41
Speaker 1: think about where does my purpose come from? Like who
4:44
Speaker 1: decides that? Do I decide that? Is that some preordained etheroryal, mystical, magical,
4:49
Speaker 1: spiritual kind of thing that I need to go searching
4:53
Speaker 1: for in a fucking caftan and then discover it on
4:56
Speaker 1: a mountain and then come back from the aforementioned man
5:00
Speaker 1: into my life and then execute the purpose, the divine
5:05
Speaker 1: purpose that has been bestowed upon me. I don't send
5:08
Speaker 1: any evidence for that. Maybe you do. I don't seen
5:10
Speaker 1: any evidence for that. Doesn't mean we can't have guidance
5:13
Speaker 1: or an internal sat Nav or a spiritual experience or guidance,
5:17
Speaker 1: just means I think more than likely you're going to
5:20
Speaker 1: figure out what your own purpose is, and probably your
5:22
Speaker 1: purpose is going to align with your values and your
5:26
Speaker 1: goals and what you love to do and what you
5:28
Speaker 1: think is important and what you think matters. But back
5:31
Speaker 1: to this idea of we need to find our thing
5:34
Speaker 1: and that needs to be us, I completely disagree. And
5:39
Speaker 1: the reason I disagree is because this is my personal philosophy,
5:43
Speaker 1: by the way, and just see if it resonates. If
5:45
Speaker 1: it doesn't, of course, as always ignore me. But I remember,
5:49
Speaker 1: you know a time when I started working in gyms,
5:52
Speaker 1: when I was a kid, when I was eighteen years old,
5:54
Speaker 1: I didn't really have much knowledge, much experience, much qualification.
5:57
Speaker 1: It was different. It was a different time and different reality.
6:01
Speaker 1: In nineteen eighty two, when I started working in gyms.
6:05
Speaker 1: But for me, it was nirvana. It's like it was
6:08
Speaker 1: fucking great. Like I was a fledgling bodybuilder. I was
6:12
Speaker 1: obsessed with myself, and I was obsessed with training and
6:16
Speaker 1: muscles and getting strong. And if I wasn't training, I
6:20
Speaker 1: was talking about training. If I wasn't talking about it,
6:22
Speaker 1: I was thinking about it. If I was thinking about
6:24
Speaker 1: I was planning for it. And I was talking to
6:27
Speaker 1: other people and I was helping a few people. And
6:29
Speaker 1: then then I got to work in a gym. I'm like,
6:33
Speaker 1: this is ridiculous. I'm in the place that I want
6:35
Speaker 1: to be most. I'm doing the shit that I love.
6:38
Speaker 1: I'm talking about sets and reps and dumbbells and bar
6:42
Speaker 1: bells and squats and drop sets and fucking progressive overload
6:46
Speaker 1: and all of these things that to me at that
6:48
Speaker 1: time were magic. And I'm helping people train and I'm
6:52
Speaker 1: talking to people about their goals and all of this shit.
6:55
Speaker 1: And honestly, at that point in time, even though I
6:59
Speaker 1: was making a very modest wage for me, it was awesome.
7:03
Speaker 1: It was amazing, and I loved it. And where I
7:06
Speaker 1: was where I was meant to be. That's where I
7:08
Speaker 1: was meant to be. At that point in time, and
7:10
Speaker 1: I didn't know, you know, I didn't know the benefits
7:13
Speaker 1: that were going to come with that, and I would
7:15
Speaker 1: in the middle of working in that space, and essentially
7:19
Speaker 1: my job was to teach people, to train or to
7:22
Speaker 1: write people programs, and to encourage them, support them, sell
7:26
Speaker 1: a few memberships, sell the odds, staminated reception, remember staminated.
7:31
Speaker 1: Those were the days. Sweep the squash courts, pull a
7:33
Speaker 1: few pubes out of spa. That's right, I said it.
7:37
Speaker 1: Put the pool cover on tape, the pool cover off
7:39
Speaker 1: waxum chlora, and and all the fundamentals of working in
7:42
Speaker 1: a kind of a big ish commercial gym back in
7:44
Speaker 1: the day. But in the middle of that, I was
7:47
Speaker 1: also I was learning how to make decisions. I was
7:50
Speaker 1: learning eventually, by the time I was twenty one or two,
7:52
Speaker 1: I was managing gyms. So then I was learning a
7:54
Speaker 1: little bit around management and leadership. I was learning about
7:58
Speaker 1: solving problems. I was learning about different bodies and different
8:01
Speaker 1: personalities and different experiences and different versions of reality. I
8:06
Speaker 1: wouldn't have articulated it then like I can now, because
8:10
Speaker 1: I didn't totally understand what I was learning, and it
8:14
Speaker 1: was bloody brilliant. It was for me the best job.
8:19
Speaker 1: It was the best job, and it grounded me, and
8:22
Speaker 1: it gave me a foundation to understand a little bit
8:25
Speaker 1: about business, a little bit about the dynamics of relationships
8:28
Speaker 1: and personalities. It gave me a chance to observe people
8:32
Speaker 1: doing stuff to change their body, thinking, habits, behaviors. It
8:37
Speaker 1: opened the door on physiology and psychology. I couldn't I
8:41
Speaker 1: couldn't really tell you what was happening on a physiological
8:45
Speaker 1: level from a scientific point of view at that I
8:48
Speaker 1: could have kind of, but really it was more experiential.
8:51
Speaker 1: I didn't have an exercise science degree at that stage,
8:54
Speaker 1: and I didn't have the knowledge and understanding that I
8:57
Speaker 1: now do. But you know, I was a puppy, I
9:00
Speaker 1: was a learning I was a baby. I had my
9:02
Speaker 1: training wheels on and it was amazing. And then I
9:06
Speaker 1: got to a point where, you know, that was good,
9:11
Speaker 1: but it didn't blow my socks off. And at about
9:13
Speaker 1: that time I started to train a few people one
9:16
Speaker 1: on one and I started this thing called personal training.
9:19
Speaker 1: And then wow, this is different. Now this person's a project,
9:22
Speaker 1: and now I'm not just working with the body, but
9:25
Speaker 1: I'm working with the human who lives inside the body,
9:28
Speaker 1: and I need to understand what drives them and motivates them,
9:31
Speaker 1: and why they give up every three weeks, and why
9:33
Speaker 1: they've started this whole process thirty two times, and what
9:37
Speaker 1: are their goals and what are their needs? And what's
9:39
Speaker 1: their version of this? And how do I inspire and
9:42
Speaker 1: motivate and encourage them And what is the role of
9:44
Speaker 1: motivation and what's the role of me. Am I the
9:47
Speaker 1: solution or am I a resource? And all this interesting shit.
9:51
Speaker 1: And then, as you know, I went on to most
9:54
Speaker 1: of you know, I went on and I opened up
9:55
Speaker 1: a studio and all that stuff, and I had great times.
9:59
Speaker 1: But I got to the point where Jim instructing it
10:01
Speaker 1: was like, eh ah, it was amazing, and then it
10:05
Speaker 1: was good, and then it was okay, and then it
10:07
Speaker 1: was like, ah, this is kind of not blowing my
10:10
Speaker 1: socks off anymore. And that's not good or bad. And
10:13
Speaker 1: it's not that Jim instruction that writing programs and putting
10:17
Speaker 1: away dumbells and grooving around the gym talking shit in
10:20
Speaker 1: my fucking tracksuit. It's not that that was bad. It's
10:23
Speaker 1: just that I had kind of evolved, I kind of
10:27
Speaker 1: learned a fair bit and I was ready for new stuff.
10:30
Speaker 1: And so for me, Jim instructing it kind of reached
10:33
Speaker 1: that threshold where I'm like, this doesn't excite me. Now,
10:37
Speaker 1: I don't love this anymore. And that's not good or bad.
10:41
Speaker 1: That is part of the natural evolution of you or me.
10:47
Speaker 1: Now not everybody is like me, of course, and some
10:50
Speaker 1: people will do a job and they'll kind of get
10:52
Speaker 1: the same level of fulfillment for forty years, and that
10:55
Speaker 1: ain't bad of course. In fact, that's kind of amazing.
10:57
Speaker 1: If you can do something that every day you show
10:59
Speaker 1: up and do a version of the same thing and
11:01
Speaker 1: it gives you joy forever. Well, I'm a bit jealous,
11:05
Speaker 1: but that's not me. I need I need kind of
11:08
Speaker 1: I need variety, I need progression, I need new things.
11:12
Speaker 1: And I started this then called personal training, and that
11:15
Speaker 1: was amazing. I'm like, this is incredible, and I'm going
11:19
Speaker 1: deep with people and I'm kind of project managing their
11:22
Speaker 1: life from this getting in shape point of view, obviously
11:27
Speaker 1: not their career and all that. But having said that, pause,
11:31
Speaker 1: what's funny is when you're in that personal training role
11:34
Speaker 1: and then people you build a relationship, you develop rapport,
11:38
Speaker 1: you build loyalty with clients. They trust you, they like you,
11:42
Speaker 1: they respect you, they listen to you. All of a sudden,
11:46
Speaker 1: I'm like, this person's talking to me about everything. I'm
11:50
Speaker 1: not just teaching them how to do squats and how
11:53
Speaker 1: to lower their body fat. It's like, well, now we're
11:56
Speaker 1: talking about We're talking about bigger, broader stuff, talking about life,
12:00
Speaker 1: talking about feelings and emotions and relationships. Then all of
12:03
Speaker 1: a sudden, I progressed from really being all about physiology
12:08
Speaker 1: and bodies to all now I'm really interacting on a
12:10
Speaker 1: higher level. And again I got excited because it was new.
12:15
Speaker 1: It was an evolution, it was a development, right, And
12:18
Speaker 1: then then you get like, well that this is good,
12:22
Speaker 1: but what else? And you know then what else was Well,
12:24
Speaker 1: maybe i'll employ it personal too, And because I'm really busy,
12:28
Speaker 1: I'll employer someone. And I ended up employing young Maddie,
12:31
Speaker 1: my first trainer, Rip love you, Maddie. And you know,
12:37
Speaker 1: we got to the point where he was busy and
12:39
Speaker 1: I was busy, and I'm like, wow, shit, maybe we
12:41
Speaker 1: needs And then all of a sudden, this thing evolved
12:43
Speaker 1: and now I'm fucking I'm a business man. I'm like,
12:46
Speaker 1: how did I become a businessman, so me just being
12:49
Speaker 1: the solo personal trainer at kind of that evolved and
12:53
Speaker 1: that reached its use by date. I did it for
12:55
Speaker 1: quite I did it for years, and then I went
12:57
Speaker 1: all right, I'm going to have somebody who can do
12:59
Speaker 1: the sessions that I I can't fit in, work with
13:01
Speaker 1: the people that I can't fit in. And he did great,
13:04
Speaker 1: and I did great, and then we've got someone else.
13:06
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden it's like, oh boom,
13:08
Speaker 1: I've got a team of personal trainers and I've got
13:10
Speaker 1: this facility. How does this even work? And so that evolved,
13:15
Speaker 1: and I won't bore you, but that eventuated into a
13:17
Speaker 1: twenty five year journey which was constantly changing, and the
13:21
Speaker 1: business was constantly evolving and adapting, and I was constantly
13:25
Speaker 1: learning and fucking up and getting up and good days
13:27
Speaker 1: and bad days. But there were periods along the way, constantly,
13:33
Speaker 1: and not just in my work but in my life
13:35
Speaker 1: more broadly, where I realized I'm done doing this or
13:41
Speaker 1: I'm done doing this this way. In terms of this,
13:44
Speaker 1: I've reached my used by date. And it's not that
13:48
Speaker 1: doing this particular thing is bad, it's just that this
13:51
Speaker 1: doesn't excite me. This doesn't light my fire, this doesn't
13:55
Speaker 1: challenge me, this doesn't fulfill me the way that it did.
13:58
Speaker 1: And so as I have things needed to evolve around me.
14:03
Speaker 1: I needed to do things differently. And again, like I said,
14:05
Speaker 1: some people don't have that need that I have to
14:09
Speaker 1: be kind of doing things. And I don't mean things
14:12
Speaker 1: have got to change every week. But I remember training
14:16
Speaker 1: people and I had, you know, I had this place
14:18
Speaker 1: on the Pean Highway in Brighton, which is in Melbourne.
14:21
Speaker 1: I had this ten thousand square foot facility. It was
14:23
Speaker 1: fucking beautiful. We had the best part of a million
14:26
Speaker 1: dollars worth of equipment. I mean, it was amazing. It
14:29
Speaker 1: was an amazing facility and I was super proud of that.
14:32
Speaker 1: And we had a great team, and I employed over
14:35
Speaker 1: twenty five years, I had four centers, and I employed
14:38
Speaker 1: about five hundred trainers or they worked under my banner
14:42
Speaker 1: as consultants, but about five hundred personal trainers were the
14:46
Speaker 1: Harpers brand, which was nice. And I learned a lot,
14:50
Speaker 1: and I grew a lot, and I fucked up and
14:51
Speaker 1: I made mistakes and I did dumb things and I
14:54
Speaker 1: did great things. But then one day, you know, I
14:58
Speaker 1: realized I don' this, I don't hate it, and it's okay,
15:02
Speaker 1: you know, it's all right, But you start to realize.
15:06
Speaker 1: I started to realize, you know what I like doing
15:08
Speaker 1: more than just like helping people get lean or change
15:11
Speaker 1: their body composition. I really like speaking because I've done
15:14
Speaker 1: a few talks to a few groups. And I went,
15:16
Speaker 1: maybe maybe that, And I got to the point where
15:20
Speaker 1: I was in my own gym with people around me
15:23
Speaker 1: who are great, great energy, you know, super smart, and
15:29
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't love being here. I don't love this.
15:33
Speaker 1: And that's not bad. That's just that happens. Now. When
15:38
Speaker 1: something like that happens, you go, wow, I'm in my
15:40
Speaker 1: own business. I'm making pretty good money. Things are good.
15:43
Speaker 1: We've got lots of trainers, lots of clients, the business
15:45
Speaker 1: is working. But in the middle of this, it's not
15:48
Speaker 1: blowing my socks off. It's not blowing my socks off.
15:51
Speaker 1: And I kind of got to I got to a
15:55
Speaker 1: used by date with being on the gym floor, and
16:00
Speaker 1: so I toughed it out for a bit and I went,
16:02
Speaker 1: what else do I want to do? And I went,
16:03
Speaker 1: I really enjoy And I'd started to do a bit
16:05
Speaker 1: of speaking, and I did, and every time I'd get
16:08
Speaker 1: in front of an audience and do some stuff. And
16:10
Speaker 1: by the way, I wasn't very good. I wasn't very
16:12
Speaker 1: good at all. I was kind of shit, to be honest.
16:15
Speaker 1: But there were moments in my fifty minutes of presenting.
16:20
Speaker 1: There were probably five minutes that were okay and a
16:22
Speaker 1: couple of minutes that were fucking golden, forty two minutes
16:25
Speaker 1: of well, three minutes of ouck, you need to improve.
16:28
Speaker 1: But there was like a little light at the end
16:31
Speaker 1: of the tunnel, and I got to the point where
16:35
Speaker 1: I realized that me and the fitness industry in that
16:38
Speaker 1: capacity were almost done, and that evolved. I had to
16:43
Speaker 1: use by date with that I had. I had a
16:45
Speaker 1: use by date with the way that I trained. I
16:47
Speaker 1: used to train like a fucking crazy person, constant heavy weights,
16:51
Speaker 1: and all I did was heavy this and heavy that,
16:53
Speaker 1: and all I wanted was I just want to be
16:56
Speaker 1: fucking massive and ripped. And we won't go into the psychology,
16:59
Speaker 1: soology or a emotion of that, because that's another podcast.
17:02
Speaker 1: But I trained a certain way and I loved it,
17:05
Speaker 1: and I love being kind of big, and you know,
17:07
Speaker 1: I love being like one hundred kilos with fucking muscles
17:10
Speaker 1: everywhere and all that shit. And I didn't always manage that,
17:15
Speaker 1: but that was and then I got to the point
17:16
Speaker 1: where I went, eh, I don't love this. I don't
17:19
Speaker 1: love the way that I look, I don't love the
17:21
Speaker 1: way that I feel. I don't love this kind of
17:23
Speaker 1: So even my training, I reached it. And it wasn't
17:26
Speaker 1: even because of injuries, but I just reached it. Used
17:28
Speaker 1: by day with that, I started to do different things
17:32
Speaker 1: and I went, oh, fuck, this is fun. I really
17:36
Speaker 1: enjoy doing something that isn't just big, barbaric neanderthal fucking
17:41
Speaker 1: waits me in the gym, just doing the you know,
17:43
Speaker 1: groundhog Day. And I think that, you know, we can
17:47
Speaker 1: get into our a psychological and a behavioral pattern that
17:52
Speaker 1: is it's okay, it's okay. Sometimes it's not even that.
17:58
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's black. And I don't think we necessarily need
18:03
Speaker 1: to keep reinventing ourselves on a weekly basis. We don't,
18:08
Speaker 1: but I think we need to acknowledge that some things
18:10
Speaker 1: in our life just have are used by date relationships.
18:14
Speaker 1: For example, now I'm not talking about a marriage, I'm
18:16
Speaker 1: not talking about jump. Oh, you're having a bad day
18:19
Speaker 1: jump out of the marriage. And I'm not talking about that,
18:21
Speaker 1: but I'm just talking about you know, when you have
18:23
Speaker 1: a person in your life's a friend or a colleague
18:26
Speaker 1: or someone that you hang out with a fair bit
18:28
Speaker 1: and there's a connection and there's whatever, and you have
18:32
Speaker 1: all had this where that relationship gets to a point where, ah,
18:36
Speaker 1: it's not the same, it's not the same. Could you
18:39
Speaker 1: could be them, could be a bit of both. Doesn't
18:41
Speaker 1: have to be bad or confrontational or toxic, it doesn't
18:45
Speaker 1: need to be that. But it's like, ah, I feel
18:47
Speaker 1: like this relationship, or this version of this relationship, it's
18:52
Speaker 1: kind of almost done. It's like there's a used by date.
18:56
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes whether it's a relationship, or whether
18:58
Speaker 1: it's a job, or whther it's a way of eating,
19:01
Speaker 1: or whether it's a way, whether or not it's a lifestyle,
19:04
Speaker 1: like I think we need to recognize when things aren't
19:08
Speaker 1: and I use this term broadly, when things aren't working,
19:13
Speaker 1: when things aren't working for you. And this is where
19:16
Speaker 1: we open the door on paying attention to not only
19:20
Speaker 1: what our body is saying and our emotions are saying,
19:23
Speaker 1: and ow that that internal sat nav, that wisdom, that
19:27
Speaker 1: inner wisdom, and it's really it's really easy to ignore
19:32
Speaker 1: that in the busyness and the mayhem and the continuity
19:34
Speaker 1: and the groundhog danus, the momentum of our life. You
19:40
Speaker 1: look up and you go, fuck, I've been doing something
19:42
Speaker 1: I don't really enjoy a lot for four years now
19:45
Speaker 1: and it's really not working on a range of levels
19:47
Speaker 1: for me. Maybe I need to hit the pause button.
19:51
Speaker 1: It's really easy to do that. But this is where,
19:54
Speaker 1: as I said, we start to open the door on
19:56
Speaker 1: this idea of paying attention to all us. I said,
20:00
Speaker 1: the physical, mental, emotional, but also what's my life telling me?
20:03
Speaker 1: What are my outcomes? What are my relationships telling me?
20:06
Speaker 1: What are my results telling me? With whatever, with my training,
20:10
Speaker 1: with my money, with my energy, And to be able
20:14
Speaker 1: to say, all right, well, what do I want the
20:18
Speaker 1: next five years of my life to look like? Is
20:20
Speaker 1: what I'm doing now? Is it working? And if it's working, right,
20:25
Speaker 1: carry on business as usual. If it's not working, do
20:29
Speaker 1: I need to change it totally? Do I need to
20:31
Speaker 1: change it a bit? Maybe seventy percent of it's working,
20:34
Speaker 1: but thirty percents not. What's the thirty? What can you
20:37
Speaker 1: do about the thirty? I never got to the point
20:40
Speaker 1: where exercise didn't work for me, but it was just
20:43
Speaker 1: the way that I exercised. I used to be a
20:46
Speaker 1: chronic people pleaser. I still love people, and I still
20:49
Speaker 1: want to serve people and help people. But I will
20:53
Speaker 1: also tell someone to fuck off if they're being a prick,
20:56
Speaker 1: and that's okay. And I might literally tell them to
21:00
Speaker 1: fuck off or metaphorically, and that's okay because I'm not
21:03
Speaker 1: an emotional doormat and you're not an emotional doormat. It's
21:08
Speaker 1: okay to be strong, compassionate, loving kind and say fuck
21:12
Speaker 1: off when it's appropriate. And you may not literally say
21:17
Speaker 1: fuck off, but your version of that or this is
21:19
Speaker 1: not okay. This is not okay. And to be able
21:23
Speaker 1: to step back and to step back metaphorically and maybe
21:28
Speaker 1: even practically sometimes from the mayhem, from the busyness, and
21:33
Speaker 1: say what's going on in my head and my heart?
21:37
Speaker 1: And does this career? Does this does this thing serve me?
21:41
Speaker 1: Or am I just? Am I just treading water? You know,
21:48
Speaker 1: it's not that something is necessarily bad, but it just
21:54
Speaker 1: might be four out of ten for you, Like if
21:58
Speaker 1: you're doing something that's by the way, and if you
22:00
Speaker 1: doing and you realize you're in a whatever, a job,
22:03
Speaker 1: a career, I don't know, a habit, a behavior, or
22:07
Speaker 1: an operating system that doesn't work for you. You don't need
22:11
Speaker 1: to change it tomorrow, but maybe you need to think about, well,
22:16
Speaker 1: if this isn't really working, what might work. There was
22:20
Speaker 1: a time when I was super duper social. And it's
22:23
Speaker 1: not that I'm anti social now, but I realized that
22:26
Speaker 1: I used to do a lot of stuff just because
22:29
Speaker 1: I wanted people to like me. I would I would
22:33
Speaker 1: go to social things I actually didn't want to go
22:36
Speaker 1: to because I didn't, you know, I wanted to belong
22:39
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to piss people laugh, and I
22:41
Speaker 1: didn't want to be rejected. And maybe this is a
22:44
Speaker 1: maturity thing, but you know, like I don't want to
22:48
Speaker 1: go me personally. I completely understand people who want to
22:51
Speaker 1: be environments where it's in environments where it's fucking going
22:54
Speaker 1: off like a frog in a sock and there's booze
22:56
Speaker 1: and there's partying and there's dancing, and it's high energy
22:59
Speaker 1: and it's fu and chaos. I get. I do not
23:02
Speaker 1: on any level think that's bad. What I think is
23:05
Speaker 1: that's not for me. And it was almost in I
23:08
Speaker 1: reckon like a week where I went, I'm not doing
23:11
Speaker 1: that anymore, and people will go, what's you know? Why
23:13
Speaker 1: don't we're going? Do you want to? And I ended
23:15
Speaker 1: up saying I think you're great. I just don't want
23:18
Speaker 1: to do that. People go, we're going bowling. Do you
23:21
Speaker 1: want to come? I go no, and they're like what,
23:23
Speaker 1: I go no? I go your ace, But I hate
23:26
Speaker 1: fucking bowling. So you go bowling, and maybe you and
23:30
Speaker 1: I catch up for a coffee another time. And it's okay.
23:35
Speaker 1: It's okay not to do everything that everyone wants you
23:39
Speaker 1: to do. It's okay not to stay in a toxic relationship.
23:43
Speaker 1: I know that is a complicated thing, but you know,
23:47
Speaker 1: any relationship, it could be somebody at work where you
23:50
Speaker 1: really need to change the dynamics of that. Maybe not
23:53
Speaker 1: get out of it completely, maybe you can't, but maybe
23:56
Speaker 1: you need to change the way that that relationship operates.
24:00
Speaker 1: You know. With the podcast for example, somebody said to
24:03
Speaker 1: me the other day, how many podcasts are you going
24:05
Speaker 1: to do? I don't know. I might do five more,
24:08
Speaker 1: and then I go, ah, I'm done. I don't think
24:11
Speaker 1: that's going to be the case. But I can promise
24:14
Speaker 1: you irrespective of how much money I make through sponsorship,
24:18
Speaker 1: which you know it's varies drastically. But if I was
24:23
Speaker 1: making a bunch of money but I didn't enjoy it,
24:26
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it. Right now. I love podcasting. I
24:29
Speaker 1: love doing what I'm doing now, sharing, teaching, I love
24:33
Speaker 1: I love hopefully encouraging and supporting you in who you
24:37
Speaker 1: are becoming, what you want to do, be, create change.
24:39
Speaker 1: I love all that. I love talking to fucking fascinating people,
24:43
Speaker 1: and I don't think that's going to wear off anytime soon.
24:48
Speaker 1: But if in a year I go, yeah, I'm done,
24:51
Speaker 1: then I won't do any more podcasts. I'll go find
24:53
Speaker 1: something else, you know, And that's okay. So this idea
24:58
Speaker 1: that you know, we need to find our thing, we
25:02
Speaker 1: need to find our thing, and we need to stay
25:05
Speaker 1: with that thing. And you know the truth is that
25:08
Speaker 1: maybe the thing that you love and right now you
25:10
Speaker 1: may still love it, you may love it more in
25:12
Speaker 1: ten years, or you might in six months ago. It
25:15
Speaker 1: doesn't float my boat. And just because someone else thinks
25:19
Speaker 1: you should be doing that, or you feel guilty or
25:24
Speaker 1: obligated to do that, that doesn't mean you've got to
25:27
Speaker 1: do it Now. I'm not talking about shirking responsibilities as
25:30
Speaker 1: a parent or anything like that. I'm just talking about
25:32
Speaker 1: this personal journey that we go on. So my advice
25:36
Speaker 1: to you, if you're still listening and if you are
25:38
Speaker 1: hucking well done, is to think about, am I doing
25:43
Speaker 1: this thing? Whatever the thing is, whatever the component of
25:46
Speaker 1: your life is. Am I doing this thing because this
25:48
Speaker 1: is the thing that I should be doing. This is
25:50
Speaker 1: the thing that works and not just works on one level,
25:53
Speaker 1: but works on a multitude of levels. You know, Am
25:58
Speaker 1: I doing the thing that floats boat? Am I growing?
26:01
Speaker 1: Am I learning? Am I evolving? Am I recognizing the
26:05
Speaker 1: used by date of this thing? And I? Am I
26:08
Speaker 1: living consciously? Or am I just treading water? Am I
26:13
Speaker 1: just doing mediocre and not using my talent, not using
26:17
Speaker 1: my potential? Can I do more? What is the more
26:21
Speaker 1: that I can do? What is the more that I
26:22
Speaker 1: should do? What is the more that I want to
26:25
Speaker 1: do that alignes with my values? What's the more that
26:27
Speaker 1: I want to do that's going to make me the
26:30
Speaker 1: best version of me? Am I excited? Do I want
26:34
Speaker 1: to get excited? Do I want to tread water? Or
26:38
Speaker 1: do I want to grow and learn and evolve. Do
26:40
Speaker 1: I want to lean into the mayhem and the madness
26:42
Speaker 1: and the mess so that I can build resilience and
26:45
Speaker 1: knowledge and understanding and competence and skill, so that I
26:50
Speaker 1: have not necessarily a constantly comfortable life, but a fucking exciting,
26:54
Speaker 1: challenging life. So I encourage you to think about the
27:00
Speaker 1: used by date of everything in your life and whether
27:05
Speaker 1: or not it might be time to open a new door.
27:08
Speaker 1: Ah My, go and eat some chicken. See you next time.