Latest / HBCWestminster / UncomMen

Transcript

UncomMen · HBCWestminster

• 0:00
  If you guys have your Bibles, let's open up to James chapter 3. I am really privileged to be here with you guys. It's nice to change up the schedule and be with guys. And whenever I have an opportunity to do something like this, I realize how little I actually get to be around you guys. And so I really treasure these times.
• 0:27
  And I hope that tonight you will be blessed and challenged as I have been in my preparation for this. All right. I got an email a while ago with the teaching schedule and the topic that I was assigned to is words matter. And so just prepare to get real convicted. No, I'm just kidding. All right. I'm going to hold this.
• 0:58
  I'm going to start off with a story, a really funny story that I heard a while ago. But it says this, a guy from a foreign language group was being taught English, and he was trying to use fanciful words. And so he turned to his friend and he said, you know, the problem I have with English is that the meaning of the words is so often vague-y. And his friend said, what? He said, the meaning, it's so vague-y.
• 1:28
  And the friend said, no, no, no, it's not vague-ue, it's vague. And he said, there you go. Every time I want to use a new word, my tongue-ue gets twisted up. And the friend said, okay, maybe I can help you with a grammatical rule here. Whenever you see a word ending in u-e, it's silent. And so it's not vague-ue, it's vague. It's not tongue-ue, it's tongue. And the man said, okay, let's not arg about it. We're going to be talking about words.
• 2:01
  matter tonight. Communication matters. Four, four and seven years ago, I have a dream. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. What your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. I wasn't alive during that time, so that's the best impression I got. Have changed the course of history and have inspired millions and millions to action. They have proven that
• 2:41
  Great deeds are not the only things that are remembered throughout the ages, but wise, honest, and timely words are as well. Now, I want to give you guys the opportunity, what are some words that have changed the course of history besides the ones I just used? When you think about speeches or inspiring words, what do you think of? Churchill, right? We will fight on the beaches, we will fight in the hills, right? The whole thing.
• 3:15
  Right? That's good. Yeah, Churchill. What else? What? That's right. Give me liberty or give me death. That's like, that was my dating anthem. Came, saw, conquered. Yes. What else? Yeah. Yes. Indeed. Yeah? Same one? Oh, that's funny. Yeah? Perfect job. Tape down that wall. Yep. Yep. How about you shall not pass? Free Lord of the Rings.
• 4:08
  in one week in church. Just for the record, I'm winning. You shall not pass. What about this one? Although this one is much lesser known, I think it brought probably as many tears to eyes as did many of the ones I quoted earlier. But I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. No message could have been any clearer. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make that change.
• 4:39
  Na-na-na. That's Michael Jackson, for those of you who maybe missed that. I gotta work Jackson in, man. But, yeah. But each one of us has been affected by words in our life. Whether they were detrimental words or kind words. Personally, I can still remember things. One thing in particular I was told my freshman year in high school that really damaged me.
• 5:14
  By someone that I thought was a friend. We've all been affected by words. We can remember words which were spoken to us, which spoke to the core of our being and caused change in us. James 3, which is where we're going to be tonight, very plainly but very seriously addresses the power of the tongue. And as men who seek to be uncommon in our jobs and our neighborhoods, words play almost as important a part as your actions.
• 5:46
  So tonight, we're going to learn from James 3 about two things. We're going to learn about the weightiness of words and the wildness of words, the wild nature of words. And so just as history and our lives have been shaped by words, what we're going to talk about tonight is that your words can also make an impact in the world around you. And so if you're taking notes, the first point is the weight of words. And if you find that these notes are not helpful, scrap them.
• 6:16
  I don't really know how to make notes, so I pretty much gave you my sermon notes. But first point, the weight of words. This is going to be verses 1 to 5 of James 3. Now, just as a disclaimer here, much of James 3 contextually concerns teachers in the church. If you look at verse 1, not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.
• 6:44
  Much of the context surrounding James 3 directly applies to teachers, but for our purposes tonight, we're going to look at more of the personal, applicational side, which is still biblical, but we're going to lean away from false teachers and orthodox teachers, because we're a bunch of men and we don't all teach, right? And so we're going to kind of lean that direction. But look at verse 1, we'll read to verse 5. Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged.
• 7:13
  with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also. Though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.
• 7:40
  So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. Let's actually just read to the end of the passage. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire. And the tongue is the fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.
• 8:07
  For every kind of beast and bird and reptile and sea creature can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does the spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?
• 8:36
  Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives? Or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. Let's pray. God, we need your help and your guidance to really understand just the seriousness of this passage and the gravity and influence that we can have on people, the gravity of our words. And so, Spirit, be present here. Work in our hearts. Make us.
• 9:11
  men who are like Jesus. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. The first point, weight of words. Now the first thing that James points out about the tongue is that it is a hindrance to everyone. Verse 2 says, we all stumble in many ways. Can I get an amen? We all stumble in many ways. And he's saying there is one sin that is common across the board, and it's the sin of your
• 9:39
  It is universally known by mankind. Now let me ask you this. Have your words ever gotten you in trouble? Amen. Yes. Right? Words have gotten you in trouble. In fact, if you're married, marriage pretty much ensures that your words are going to get you in trouble. It does. Man, I remember people who were just older than me giving me advice and wisdom about marriage or hearing sermons about marriage.
• 10:14
  They would always say, like, if you think you're good or if you think you're not selfish before you're married, marriage will prove that you are. And guys are always like, nah, man, like, I'm good. And then you get married and you think, oh my gosh, I'm so blind. Right? The same thing is true with words. Gaining complete control over your tongue seems impossible at times, doesn't it? You ever think you're doing really well and then something just slips out and you go, I had such a good track record.
• 10:44
  Where did that come from? Does that ever happen to anyone besides me? Right? It does. And so gaining complete control over our tongues is near impossible. In fact, James describes the man who has control over his tongue as a perfect man. Perfect. You are complete. You are mature. So if you want to be what the Bible would describe as a perfect man, he says, learn to control your mouth. Then you will be a perfect man.
• 11:16
  Man, and so the tongue, although small, has the power to create change, and it finds its source in the will. Look back at verse 4. Verse 3 talks about the horse, right? And then verse 4, look at the ships also. Though they are so large, think Pirates of the Caribbean, and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. The tongue has its source in the will.
• 11:45
  A rudder in proportion to the boat as a whole is tiny. And yet, wherever the pilot wills that ship to go, that small rudder can change its entire course. And though you may sit on top of a massive horse, if there's a bit in its mouth, you are in control. You can change the way the horse is going. And in the same way, our words...
• 12:12
  have the power to influence the course of people's lives. We can change people's lives. Now, here's the thing about this. I think we all agree on this. I don't know that anyone in here is going to say, nope, words have no power to change people's lives. I don't think anyone's going to say that, but I want to understand why. Why do words have that kind of power? I think Jesus answers this question.
• 12:44
  In Matthew 12, 34, Jesus is talking to the Pharisees, and he says this. Four out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth. You want to know why words have incredible influence over people who are younger than you? And why your words have power over your wives? Or why your words have power and influence in the lives of your friends? It's because words are an overflow of the heart.
• 13:19
  Language communicates thought. And the thought of a man is brewed in his heart. The mind and the heart, biblically, are pretty synonymous. So thoughts are brewed in your heart. And when those are expressed, that is words. This is why that phrase, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. This is why that phrase is so false.
• 13:49
  Words are not mere sound waves that are issued from one man's mouth to another person's ear, but rather, words are the communication between one soul and another. I like the sticks and stones phrase, and it can teach kids to be a little tough, but as you live longer, you realize that it's just not true. So when you speak to people, your soul is communicating with them. And this is incredibly important to know, especially in times of conflict.
• 14:23
  Because you guys know, during times of conflict, everyone is defensive. And your words aren't just light. They're weight. They're heavy. I heard this quote, or I found this quote online. It says this, all our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind. It's an overflow. They aren't existent just in and of themselves. They're a product of your heart.
• 14:59
  This means that if you examine your speech, and you line it up against the holiness of God, if you examine your speech and you find that it's not pleasant, the answer is not to change what you're saying. The answer, the primary step, is to change your heart. If you're an angry person, and the words that come out of you are just angry all the time, that means you have an angry heart.
• 15:32
  Solution is not, I need to say kinder words, but rather, I need to not have an angry heart. God help me. If you complain all the time, it's because you have a complaining heart. Does that make sense? It is an overflow. If you speak encouragement and life, it is because you have encouragement and life brewing in you. The flow. And so, your words carry a lot of weight, especially as men. They are not arbitrary.
• 16:04
  They're important in the lives of your friends, in the lives of your kids, and in the life of your wife. Understanding this is crucial before addressing the practical elements of our words, which is what we're going to do in the next point. But we have to understand, men, that your words carry weight. They're heavy. They have influence, and they have power, they have authority. So that's first, the weight of your words. The second point is this, the wildness.
• 16:37
  Of your words. The wildness of your words. Real quick. I just want to read again. Halfway through verse 5. Where it starts that new paragraph. To the end. Just so we can feel the weight. Of what James is saying to us. Look at halfway through verse 5. How great a forest is set ablaze. By such a small fire. And the tongue is a fire. A world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members. Staining the whole body.
• 17:11
  setting on fire the entire course of life and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird of reptile and sea creature can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.
• 17:33
  For from the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does the spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? No. Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives? No. Or a grapevine produce figs? No. Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. James, as you can tell, has a real chipper outlook on the tongue. Right? He's like, the whole thing is a fire from hell.
• 18:02
  You're like, this is going to be a great Wednesday night. But James describes the nature of our fallen tongues as untamed and unstable. That's why the second point is the wildness of the tongue. Because you can see when he's writing this paragraph that he approaches the tongue with caution. He understands the weight and the power of the tongue. And so he approaches it carefully.
• 18:32
  He says, you've got a better chance of taming a shark than you do your mouth. He's just straight up. Side note, I love the book of James because that's just how it is. James is just like, if you're unwise, you'd be like, you're a fool. Right? And all the men are like, ugh. Right? You've got to preach that a little bit differently to kids. You know what I'm saying? But as men, he's just like, boom, there it is. And so, it's really hard to tame your tongue.
• 19:04
  Personally, I view it as a chemical reaction, right? You guys took chemistry in high school, I'm guessing, or something like that, or I've seen a show with a chemist in it. But when someone is doing a chemical reaction, you don't just get to throw whatever in the world you want in the test tube. You know what I'm saying? You approach that cautiously because, you know, this thing could blow any second if I put the wrong thing in there, right? That's what happened. I wish...
• 19:28
  would have happened in high school. The thing just would have blown up, but it was never that exciting. It was all whiteboard stuff. And I'm like, come on, you know? But you put careful measurements of exact ingredients in there because you know it could go wrong at any moment. The power and weight that rests in our words should not be taken lightly. When I was in Thailand four years ago, I got a really cool opportunity to go to this...
• 19:57
  Tiger Zoo. It was this small little compound and they had like 20 or 25 tigers, you know, that were all drugged up and stuff. But you could pay to go pet them. And I'm like, I ain't passing this up. You know, we just got done riding the elephants. So I'm like, I got to go pet a tiger. And so what they do is they put you in this little cage, you know, it's all chain link. And it's probably not much bigger than two of these round tables put together.
• 20:27
  But there's a table in the cage. When you're standing in there, they open the door and they leave this lion in, or this tiger, and he jumps up on the table and then lays down, and you can pet this tiger. Now, an interesting thing happened. For some reason, I was not afraid, all right? I just wasn't. But a lot of people were. I mean, people were shaking, like, I don't want to touch this thing because this thing could wreck me.
• 20:56
  And it was funny because even though we knew that the tigers were drugged, and like, they're not going to do anything. You know what I'm saying? We still approached it with respect. Because you're like, I know this thing is drugged, but if things go south, and it's me versus this tiger, I'm going to lose. I'm not going to win. I'm not going to come out on top. So we approached it with caution. Like, you don't pet it on the nose. You just don't do that. Because it's faying as long as your finger. You know what I'm saying?
• 21:29
  You approach it with caution, and that is how James wants us to approach the tongue. Right? By the Spirit's power, you can overcome the sin of the tongue. But that doesn't mean that you just mess around with it. Right? In Matthew 12, Jesus says this. We just read this earlier, but Jesus continues. For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. The good person, out of his good treasure, brings forth good. And the evil person, out of his evil treasure, brings forth evil.
• 21:58
  I tell you, men, listen to this. On the day of judgment, people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. Selah, who reads that verse and walks away feeling good about themselves. Jesus took words very seriously. He understood both the life they could give and the destruction they could cause. Now I understand that during this series you guys are using a lot of...
• 22:37
  different tools as an analogy. And the tool that I've chosen to remind us of words matter is the classic hammer. The hammer. And here's why. Hammers are incredibly useful. Right after high school, I interned at a ministry in Mexico where we built houses for people who were of the lower socioeconomic status. And
• 23:10
  were in Tijuana, kind of in that area, and we had no power tools. So we weren't using, like, chop saws. We weren't using drills. It was hammers for pretty much everything. Some screwdrivers every once in a while, and saws, really dull saws that were not useful at all. Man, that was tiring. But each one of the interns had our own hammer, and I had this rad, like, axe.
• 23:38
  handle hammer that I think got stolen, but that thing was cool. But we would use that thing every time we built, and it really taught me, like, we pretty much built this with, like, saws and a hammer and a measuring tape. Hammers can do great things. However, think about someone who wanted to use a hammer for destruction. Think about the damage you could do with the clawed end of that thing. It could be used for horrible, horrible purposes. But if you use it carefully, if you use it,
• 24:14
  for the purpose for which it was designed, is incredibly useful, and that's what words are like. They can bring destruction. But if you use them rightly, they can be incredibly beneficial. Words can catalyze life or death in people. Listen to this, Proverbs 18.21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Your words have the ability, men,
• 24:46
  Both to breathe life, suck life out of people. James says that your tongue is a restless evil apart from the Spirit of God. It is full of deadly poison. When he says in verse 6, it is set on fire by hell, he's talking about Gehenna. That's the word he uses, Gehenna. Now Gehenna refers to this valley of Hinnom.
• 25:18
  And if you know kind of some biblical background, the Israelites fell into this idol worship of this god named Molech. Now what Molech was, was he was this big, bowl-headed idol whose hands were outstretched and in whose hands was an altar. And what these people would do, this Canaanite god, and what Israelites fell into was they would offer their kids.
• 25:50
  up to this idol, Molech. They would throw their kids in the fire. Some of them, the furnace was inside the body of the idol, and its hands were outstretched like this. They would put the kid on, it would roll down into the fire. So they would sacrifice their kids to this thing. And one source has said that if you were a mom, and you offered up your kid, and you shed a tear, that sacrifice was null.
• 26:22
  You can't cry for your kid. And in this valley of Hinnom, that's where these sacrifices happened. Where Baal worship happened and where Molech worship happened. This was also a valley where thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of Israelites were slaughtered when Babylon started coming into town. So when James says, your tongue has the potential to be Gehenna, these people would have known what he's talking about. It's the valley of death. Of destruction.
• 26:54
  cries of dying kids and the screams of people being put to death by Babylon. It's hell. And apart from the Spirit of God, your tongue is that set on fire by hell itself. Now, that's the evil potential, right? I do think there's a good potential and so what I want to do in this next little section is I want to address three ways in which I think men are prone
• 27:33
  to use their words to damage. I want to address those, but then I want to talk about the cure to each one of those. I call these the ABCs of destructive elocutions, a.k.a. the ABCBEs. I like the word elocution. It's pretty good. But the ABCs of destructive elocutions. These are three things I think men tend to fall into.
• 28:02
  But the first one is the A, which is aggression. Aggression, that is the first one. The assertion of authority through aggressive speech is a go-to tactic for guys. I'll say it again. The assertion of authority through aggression is a go-to tactic for guys. Would you agree with that? This is why I think...
• 28:35
  Men are more often accused of yelling than women are. Because we need to exert our dominance, right? And that's not going to happen by using kind little words. We need to establish our manhood, right? So we speak aggressively to people or to our kids or to our wives. Society perceives aggression as strength, does it not? The man, he may not be a murderer, but the man who is aggressive, society looks at him and says, yes.
• 29:07
  That's manhood. Strength and aggression. However, scripture says something much different. It says our tongues have the potential, through aggression, to cause great destruction, just like a spark that causes a wildfire. Since I've lived out here in the last three years, I have not experienced many, like, Coloradan wildfires. There have been a few. But in California, where I'm from, it seemed like it was all the same.
• 29:37
  stinking time, right? And so there were never fires in the valley we lived in. It was always like 20 or 30 miles west of us in the hills. And there would be massive, massive wildfires. And I remember there were a lot of times when we would just be kind of driving around town in Palmdale, Lancaster, and the sky would be completely smoky, and the sun would be red, and there would just be ash falling all the time from these fires.
• 30:07
  that were 20 or 30 miles away. And when it comes to the tongue, James says, although it's so small, I mean, it's physically small, and it's just words. I mean, we shouldn't care about words, right? It shouldn't be that powerful, right?
• 30:25
  It's just words. The tongue is small, and yet he says it's like a spark that ignites a wildfire. And in the lives of people, if you are an aggressive person, and the speech that comes out of your mouth is just constantly aggressive, it's going to be like you're raining ash on people all the time. That's what it's like. They can't see the sun because there's smoke covering it, and you're just raining ash on them. There was a fire in California, the Oakland Hills Fire.
• 30:54
  in which a lit cigarette remains the suspected cause. It left 10,000 homeless, destroyed nearly 4,000 dwellings, and cost more than $1.5 billion to handle because of one cigarette. And that's like common in California, right? It's like this gigantic fire was started by arson. Classic cigarette, right? Somebody flicks it out the window on the freeway, and there you go, $1.5 billion.
• 31:23
  But he likens that James likens the tongue to that little spark. And the Bible knows that men are prone to aggression, which is why in Ephesians chapter five, verse four, it says this. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the admonition of the Lord. They even know that we tend to provoke our kids through aggressive talk. And so it says, no, don't do that.
• 31:53
  Combat that. Now, the biblical answer to aggression, I believe, is gentleness. And so if you want to know, like, okay, what can I replace aggressive speech with? Try gentleness. Listen to this. Proverbs 15.1. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Three verses later, a gentle tongue is a tree of life.
• 32:24
  How would you like to be a man described as that? It's just a tree of life. But perverseness in it breaks the spirit. Proverbs 16.24 says, Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and healthy to the body. Gracious words, gentleness. Gentleness also is the last fruit of the spirit.
• 32:53
  So as you give yourself over to the Holy Spirit's control, he will begin to free you from aggression and begin to lead you into gentleness. So that's the first. That's A, right? ABCs. Next, we've got the B, which is bluntness. Bluntness. Now, between guys just saying it how it is, right? Call the shots how they are. Call it as you see it. That may work very well with guys, but in our relationship with our wives,
• 33:22
  And kids, bluntness can be very harmful. Bluntness erodes a person's well-being over time. This is what's so dangerous about bluntness. With being just blunt, you don't always see the damaging effects at first. Right? But it's like rust on a car. Rust does not happen overnight. Maybe it does in Colorado. It does in California. But rust does not happen overnight. It takes time. And constantly just being blunt towards someone. Just like...
• 33:58
  This is the way it is. Here's what's going on. Here's what you did wrong. And just being blunt will erode their well-being over time. It will corrode it. Now, although there are times when straightforward talk is necessary, and guys, man, we know that's true. James is straightforward, right? It's like your tongue is on a fire from hell. He's straightforward. There are times when that is necessary. I think those times might be a little bit more rare than we think.
• 34:29
  I don't think bluntness needs to be employed as often as we think. It does, especially when talking to women. Amen. All the men said. Amen. Just like blunt force trauma, blunt words can leave a person bruised, scarred, and hurt. And if we're accustomed to employing blunt speech, we can use the biblical answer to it in order to walk in the Spirit.
• 34:55
  For the glory of God and for the life of others. Now, the biblical answer, I believe, to bluntness is tact. Colossians 4 says this. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. People come up to you, they need advice. The grace of God at work, being put to work by the Spirit in your life, will teach you how to answer them in wisdom and grace.
• 35:30
  Someone comes up to you and they did something dumb and they're confessing to you? The grace of God at work by the Spirit will help you to answer them in grace and wisdom. Your wife does something that's not great? The grace of God, right? You see what I'm saying? Let your speech always be seasoned with salt. Let it always be gracious. Ephesians 4.29 says this, Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion.
• 36:02
  that it may give grace to those who hear. Tact. It requires the real wisdom of God to know how to talk to people tactfully. Because every one of us can be blunt. Every single one of us. We just call it how it is. It's easy. That destroys, but tactfulness brings life. So that's the B, bluntness. Aggression, bluntness, and the last one is this, cluelessness.
• 36:36
  Cluelessness. This is kind of for the guys with wives. It does lean more towards that direction, but it can apply to all of us in some sense. Have you guys ever been in an argument with your wife, and it seems like what you're saying is plain and logical, but she does not get it? No. No. Let me tell you about these experiences I've had. Right? You're just like, this happened, and then this happened, and here's the solution.
• 37:04
  And they just are so upset, and you're going, I don't know what the big deal is. Here's what it is, right? I think this happens for a very specific reason, which is this. We are communicating on different planes. Men, generally, very generally, normally handle conflict resolution on the logic plane, which utilizes cause and effect, and which is very mathematical, right? This caused this.
• 37:36
  So in order to fix this, it's this. It's a math equation. Yes, it's an equation. Like, get rid of this, and the whole thing's fixed. That's how guys think. Now, on the other hand, women very generally communicate on a more emotional plane, which is something bad has happened, and so, man, that's reminding me of this thing that happened in the past, and my feelings that are in the past, and I'm feeling...
• 38:10
  really bad right now, and that I'm also insecure about the future. And we're just like, I don't even know what to do. I don't even know. What are you talking about? Right? And so those are different planes. And I've noticed that if you're a guy and you try to do conflict resolution with your wife, and I'm sure all of you guys know this, right? And you're using the logic thing, they're not understanding. And so we can end up looking very clueless at times because we don't know how to communicate with people who may think.
• 38:40
  Very differently than we do. And what God has taught me in those times is this. And this has changed my life. And my communication with my wife. What God has taught me is this. You can be correct, but not right. In your conversations with your wife, or with your kids, or with your friends. You can be correct in what you're saying. But you're not right. Because you're not saying it correctly. You're not saying it rightly in the eyes of God.
• 39:14
  You're not saying it graciously. You're not saying it with tact. You're communicating on a different plane than them. And so they end up just walking away feeling hurt. And I think the biblical answer to cluelessness is understanding or empathy. 1 Peter 3 says this, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life.
• 39:47
  So that your prayers may not be hindered. This is how serious God takes men being understanding, especially with their wives. He says, your prayers will hit a ceiling if you're not being understanding with your wife, and I will not hear them. So if you're communicating on that different plane, or you're being aggressive or blunt and not understanding and empathetic towards your wife, I will not hear your prayers. And so we can choose to be understanding and empathetic toward those who may communicate differently.
• 40:18
  We can take into account their perspective, their feelings and experiences, and we can speak to them with love and truth rather than just truth. And so I think those three things men tend to fall into. Aggression, bluntness, and cluelessness. Because we're not aware of the planes, right? Those are the ABCs of destructive elocutions that I came up with. I hope it blessed you.
• 40:49
  But to fight those things, it's gentleness, it's tact, and it's understanding. And so the nature of the tongue is a wild nature. It's not tame. But the good news is, by the Spirit of God sanctifying you on the daily, as you yield to His influence, He will begin to use your words to inject life into people.
• 41:26
  Like, proactively inject life and not death. Your words are weighty, and the tongue is wild by nature. But God, in His Word, has given us very practical ways to overcome our sinful tongue. And so, the question tonight is this. Do you understand the weight of your words? Do we control our tongues, or do our tongues control us? And will we seek life or death?
• 42:02
  To close, I just want to give you a personal example. You guys heard of like the five love languages, right? Many of you guys have. I got married just about 11 months ago and learned very quickly that me and my wife do not communicate similarly, right? All the guys were like, yeah, that's very true. And one of the things that we began to wrestle with was she needed my words of affirmation for her.
• 42:34
  And I didn't see what the big deal was. I was clueless, right? I'm like, I don't need words of affirmation. Like, just be secure in who you are. Be confident. Just, like, live your life. And she's like, well, I need you to encourage me. I need you to speak life into me. And because I neglected to do that, I was passive. It wasn't like I was yelling at her or anything, but I was passive. I said nothing. That was a detriment to her character and to her spirit. And I began to ask, okay, what came?
• 43:06
  I began to ask myself what I can do better as a husband to my wife. And I would ask her that question. She said, I still need words of affirmation. And so I said, okay, like I give up. I'm just going to start doing it. And especially over the last probably month or two, I've been really intentional about seeking life into her. Like I will go after you and encourage you. I'll tell you how I'm proud of you. I will pick out the good things within you that I see.
• 43:38
  And I'm not going to be unaware of the negative. That's impossible. But I'm going to purposefully speak encouragement and blessing over you for the good parts that are in your life. And guys, let me tell you, it has changed my entire spirit. It has changed the whole thing. Like, I feel happier because I'm speaking life into the person that God wants me to care for the most. I'm speaking life instead of death. And it has changed my entire life in the last month.
• 44:09
  And so I want to encourage you guys that this stuff is real. That the Word of God and the Spirit of God at work in you can really impact people. And so I hope you guys are encouraged by that. James 3 is really heavy. But there is hope in the Gospel. Which is that you are men who are filled with the Spirit of God. And you have authority and blessing that you can pronounce over people. And so, I hope in our discussions and as we leave this place, you can speak life and not death.
• 44:40
  into those that are around you. Amen? Amen. All right, let's pray. Jesus, we thank you for your spirit. We thank you for your word, which is so honest with us and does not shy away from just telling us how it is, but which is also very gracious to us and fills us with hope at the work of your spirit. God, we depend on you for small slips of the tongue.
• 45:11
  and using the wrong words and all that stuff. So please give us grace, forgive us, and lead us into the path upon which men who speak life trod. Make us men like that. And so we praise you tonight. We bless you in Jesus' name.