Latest / Pathological Positivity / The 7 Key Relationships: Live Fully by Aligning What Matters Most – Episode #678
Transcript
- This is Live On Purpose Radio episode 678, the seven key relationships. Live fully by aligning what matters most. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello, and welcome back to Live on Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul, the shrink who expands your life with another episode today. It's all about relationships. The foundational idea here is that we experience life through relationship And not just with people, but with everything around us. So this becomes the context in which everything else happens. Now as we get into the seven key relationships, I I think you'll see exactly what I mean by that. So let's take these on. And these are in the order, I believe, of their importance in in our life. K? So number one, your creator. This is your connection to a higher power, source, purpose, universe. What name do you have for that? And I am not here to be your spiritual adviser. That's not my role. I am acknowledging that it's important for humans to understand where they came from, their source, their creator. What is your relationship like on that level? Second, self. And some people skip this one. They forget that it's even a relationship. They'll go about being so kind and compassionate and forgiving to everyone except for one where they are cold and ruthless and unforgiving right here at home, where it probably matters even more. This is the relationship where your mindset, your self talk, personal integrity, all of those come into play. Third, your spouse or partner. This is the level where most people start to think about their key relationships because this is another human on the planet that you join with and this is a space of intimacy and trust and shared vision and shared life and observing each other's life and championing each other's life. Now as you're listening, you might think, well, I don't have a spouse or a partner, doctor Ball. Thank you for bringing that up. If you do not have this particular level of relationship, we're just going to collapse the list and and bump down to the next one that you do have because not everyone has all seven in place. That's totally fine. The reason that I I selected these seven and put them in this order is because in my professional experience as a as a psychologist now for three decades, I've found that this is the order they fall in if and when they exist in someone's relationship menu. Okay. So let's go to number four. And, again, I I made the disclaimer, k, because you might not have this one. That's fine. But number four is your children. The people you brought to the planet. This entails a lot of stewardship, responsibility, influence, and generational impact. Your children come next. Fifth, extended family. So now we're going back to brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts and cousins and even your parents. These are all part of your extended family. They are not as important as your children. Now they still made the list. They're still important. But to you, at least, your children would be more important than other extended family members. So we're just, moving on down the list. Now number six is other people. And this is everybody outside of your family. So we'll include people in your neighborhood, people at work, people at the synagogue or the church, those who you hang out with, maybe your clients and customers would show up here. Some people are wondering where do friends go? And technically, they go in this category, but they might be a little closer to extended family than to other people who are detached from you. You get to decide which category you're putting people into, but these are the basic breakdowns of where these seven key relationships fall. Other people include every other human on the planet. They're all important. They're not as important to you as your family, but they are important. Everybody still makes the list. You'll see here also there's a reason why they're listed in this priority, and it has also to do with responsibility. So who are we going to take care of first? Well, take care of yourself and then take care of your your closest relationship, your spouse or your partner, and then your children, your extended family branching out to other people in the community. It's that level of connection and I think we're all connected. You know, I read a book recently by Bruce Lipton called The Biology of belief. And it's a little heady, but I really enjoyed it and his take on how we're all connected. The example that he gave was an aspengrove. I just took a drive through the mountains today. On my lunch break, I've I've got a new, four wheel drive little truck. And so I was testing out the four four wheel drive capabilities of my truck, and I drove over the mountain. I ended up spending a couple hours up there, but I went right through an aspen grove. And I was reminded of this because it looks like individual trees. But when you get beneath the surface, you see that they're all part of the same organism, the same root system. In fact, I think it's the largest organism, living organism on the planet is an aspen grove. And, that's kind of an interesting idea. When you think about people that way, if we are all connected, then all of those relationships are important. And the order of priority of these relationships would reflect proximity, those who are closest to you or those for whom you have the greatest responsibility or stewardship. Okay. I've only given you six so far. We've got creator, self, spouse, children, extended family, other people, and finally, number seven, things, including property and money. It's all of the stuff that comes into your life. Your relationship to these possessions is what we usually define as stewardship, and it matters. I do a lot of coaching with entrepreneurs and coaches. I coach coaches and their relationship with money shows up all the time. They love what they do. They feel a little guilty asking for money, which reflects something about their relationship there. And without getting into all of the details about that, notice that you have a relationship with money, with property, with all of the stuff or possessions that come into your life. So those are the seven keys. Now why is this important? I think each relationship reflects a layer of purpose, a domain of purpose and identity. So your creator, for example, that relationship anchors your meaning and your moral compass. The relationship with self is the root of all personal empowerment, and that's what we bring to the table in all of the other relationships. However, we're taking care of ourself. You know, I often think of the analogy, the air masks in an airplane, you know, when you're flying and they go through the safety routine and tell you, if we lose cabin pressure, these masks will fall from the ceiling. And you're supposed to fasten it on with a little rubber band. And then they always say if you're traveling with children or someone who needs assistance, please put your own mask on first and then help the person that you're with. They have to remind us of this because sometimes we don't fully appreciate how important our relationship with ourself is. But check it out. If you are out cold in the aisle, you're just in the way. You're part of the problem now. So take care of yourself. At the spousal level, this is where love meets choice and commitment. And this is the level where the basic family unit is formed, and we are actually able to, perpetuate our societies. Children, this is where the legacy lives. Your responsibility to teach and bring up those children because they are the next generation. Extended family, as a layer of purpose. You think about your origin story and where you came from and the people you came from. You know, as I was taking this drive today that I mentioned, I also chose to come home through the two towns that Vicky and I lived in when we first got married. And I actually drove by, the ones that are existing still, our old apartments and the the homes where we lived for those first few years of our marriage. And I was really reflecting on the origins of our family. And that brought my attention back to where I grew up. In fact, I started this drive today in Heber City, Utah. This is where I grew up. My parents still live in the home there where I grew up, and I stopped and saw them today. There's something about legacy that adds a layer of purpose and understanding to what our purpose is. Why are we here on this planet? When it comes to other people, now this is an interesting layer of purpose because up until this point... Let... Let's look at their... Those first five. In fact, when I put them on my hands, I can only fit five on one hand, and then I have to hop over to the other hand. So on the first hand, we've got creator, self, spouse, children, and extended family. As long as you're taking care of the people on that hand, There is no economic exchange. The the direct exchange of value is what we experience there. When you come home from the office, you don't fill out an application to get a hug from your kids or from your spouse. It just comes freely, and that exchange of value happens. The visit that I had with my parents earlier today was just so rich and abundant. Nobody billed anybody for it. We we exchange value directly on that firsthand. Now when we jump over to other people, the layer of purpose that this adds is how we can create value for other people. Now we have an economic exchange. And the more you create real value for people outside of your family, the more you will lead into that seventh key relationship, things, property. And this is stewardship, not ownership. When you have an economic exchange with other people, it brings more property into your stewardship. And that's not true on the first hand for those first five key relationships. That's a direct exchange of value. But when we create value for people outside of our family, we have to exchange a different kind of value, and usually that is money that has to be traded in order to be valuable. It's not the purpose of today's episode to get into that whole relationship with money. But you can see, as we go through these seven key relationships, each one reflects a layer of purpose to our very existence. Relationships aren't separate from purpose. They are the path to it. Your purpose shows up most clearly in how you relate to people, to things, to your creator, to yourself. It's in the context of those relationships that your purpose is manifested. So to live on purpose, that's the name of the show. Right? Live on Purpose Radio. What if you were to start with one relationship that stands out to you as I share these seven key relationships? Which of these seven feels the strongest right now to you? Which one needs some attention? Will you reflect on that for a moment? Make one small shift that brings alignment, whether that's improving your self talk, reconnecting with your spouse, simplifying or downsizing your possessions, or strengthening your spiritual practices. What is it that you can do to give the attention that is needed to the relationship that comes to your mind? Progress in that one relationship will uplift the entire system, especially as you get the higher priority relationships into alignment. Living on purpose means that you're taking responsibility for your relationships, your seven key relationships. That's where life actually happens. Will you take a moment to also share this episode with someone else that you know could use a little boost to their seven key relationships? We've had a good discussion here today. It's time to apply what we've learned and live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.