Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #590 Becoming a Hope Builder

Transcript

#590 Becoming a Hope Builder · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
0:10
Speaker 2: Now, I've talked about Blue, I've done interview about Blue.
0:12
Speaker 2: I've watched an episode here and there. But we've started
0:14
Speaker 2: watching Blue every night. And the kids they're hopeful every
0:18
Speaker 2: day because they know that to not we're gonna have
0:19
Speaker 2: great family.
0:19
Speaker 3: Time watching Blue.
0:20
Speaker 4: Well, our nineteen year old will literally say, you cannot
0:23
Speaker 4: put Blue on until I get home from work.
0:27
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
0:30
Speaker 1: and dad.
0:31
Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson on are you okay day.
0:35
Speaker 2: I'm here with Kylie, wife mom to our six kids,
0:38
Speaker 2: eating my chocolate. Every time you come into my office
0:41
Speaker 2: you find my chocolate stash.
0:42
Speaker 4: Well, you don't do a very good job of hiding it.
0:44
Speaker 4: It's right next to my seat.
0:47
Speaker 2: The thing is, I'm trying to eat less sugary junkie stuff.
0:50
Speaker 4: But every can't tell.
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Speaker 3: Every time I.
0:52
Speaker 2: Give a presentation, people will give me a little gift,
0:54
Speaker 2: and it is it's almost always chocolate.
0:57
Speaker 4: And it's not dodgy chocolate. It's like delight.
1:00
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, this one is.
1:01
Speaker 2: This one is called Jocelyn's Provisions and it's like it's
1:05
Speaker 2: got big pieces.
1:06
Speaker 4: Of orange, candid orange.
1:08
Speaker 2: Candid orange stuck in dark chocolate, and I don't even like.
1:11
Speaker 4: Dark chocolate, but it's delicious.
1:13
Speaker 2: Surprised that you can even talk because you've put so
1:15
Speaker 2: much of it in your mouth.
1:17
Speaker 3: Are you okay? I am now now.
1:19
Speaker 2: That chocolate fix aook Day is something that we decided
1:23
Speaker 2: to talk about today because its happening right around the nation.
1:25
Speaker 2: But yesterday's conversation with Gus Walland was I think really valuable,
1:30
Speaker 2: so helpful. He's such a knowledgeable and helpful guy and
1:34
Speaker 2: such a such a great guy. But the last couple
1:37
Speaker 2: of years have been pretty rough around the world, and
1:40
Speaker 2: even in Australia. We've dealt with obviously the COVID pandemic
1:43
Speaker 2: and everything associated with that. But this year there's been
1:46
Speaker 2: a war in Ukraine that's captured our attention. There's the
1:50
Speaker 2: threat of China's influence in the region, and if you're
1:53
Speaker 2: interested in geopolitical stuff, that's increasingly in the news and
1:57
Speaker 2: people are talking about that a lot. And now we're
1:59
Speaker 2: dealing with stuff like inflation, mortgage rates going up, rent.
2:03
Speaker 4: Natural disasters, you've had shootings, there's always something in the news.
2:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, and even I mean, you mentioned school shootings for
2:12
Speaker 2: us in Australia hasn't happened, but we hear about it
2:14
Speaker 2: in the US, and it just makes the whole world feel,
2:17
Speaker 2: I don't know, depressing and scary. And then you've got
2:19
Speaker 2: the stuff like the identity politics and the way that
2:22
Speaker 2: that's infiltrating our social media and our general relationships with
2:26
Speaker 2: other people, and suddenly people don't feel safe to say
2:29
Speaker 2: how they really feel about things because you've got to
2:31
Speaker 2: be politically correct and you've got to be so sensitive.
2:33
Speaker 2: And I talk to people all the time who are saying,
2:35
Speaker 2: I just don't know where I stand. I don't know
2:36
Speaker 2: what I'm allowed to say anymore. I don't I don't
2:37
Speaker 2: feel like I can be me as I'm navigating the world.
2:42
Speaker 2: It's like this ongoing challenge and pain associated with how
2:48
Speaker 2: the world is going and where it's heading to or
2:50
Speaker 2: bringing kids into it, and it seems like there's a
2:53
Speaker 2: lack of hopefulness about the future.
2:56
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's interesting when life feels hard and you don't
2:59
Speaker 4: really to feel like there's a light at the end
3:01
Speaker 4: of the tunnel. Considering that so much of what happens
3:04
Speaker 4: in the world is out of our control. It's no
3:06
Speaker 4: wonder that so many people are left feeling hopeless. It
3:10
Speaker 4: makes me think of first time labor, when I started
3:15
Speaker 4: contracting and I had no idea how long those contractions
3:18
Speaker 4: were going to last. They felt like they would never end.
3:21
Speaker 2: So you're saying that our lives at the moment, the
3:24
Speaker 2: way the world is feels like it's a never ending contraction.
3:26
Speaker 4: Kind of a little bit, but we're all in labor
3:28
Speaker 4: together now. By second second labor, we kind of worked
3:32
Speaker 4: out the process and you were we had prayed at timing, and.
3:35
Speaker 3: We had some incredible education. That was the key.
3:38
Speaker 2: We got great education and we learned about the labor process,
3:40
Speaker 2: and so then I was able to support you and
3:42
Speaker 2: let you know the contraction that you're feeling is going
3:45
Speaker 2: to peak in about another fifteen seconds and then it's going.
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Speaker 3: To slowly, slowly disappear.
3:50
Speaker 2: Once we got to fifty or sixty seconds, I'd be
3:52
Speaker 2: saying to you, it's going to be ending any second now.
3:55
Speaker 4: It's almost done, and you're going to have two minutes reprieve.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'd tell you, well, it starts again, you're.
3:59
Speaker 2: Going to have a couple minutes to rest and while
4:01
Speaker 2: you're resting, I'd say, can I get you some eyes?
4:02
Speaker 2: And I sort of coached you through the labor, through
4:04
Speaker 2: the contractions, and I was awesome, right.
4:06
Speaker 4: You were awesome.
4:08
Speaker 2: But I think that what we really want to do
4:10
Speaker 2: in this podcast episode today is coach you through the labor.
4:15
Speaker 2: We want to give you some tools to help you,
4:17
Speaker 2: some skills to help you if you are labor through
4:20
Speaker 2: life yea, as your children go through their challenges, or
4:23
Speaker 2: as you and your partner or your husband, or your
4:25
Speaker 2: sister or your mum or your neighbor or whoever it
4:27
Speaker 2: is that you're closed to going through these really hard things.
4:31
Speaker 2: This podcast is about giving you a hope that the
4:34
Speaker 2: contraction will end, the baby will be born.
4:37
Speaker 4: Sorry, Dad's but I do know that Justin felt exactly
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Speaker 4: the same way as I did in relation to those
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Speaker 4: contractions ending.
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Speaker 2: We both wanted them to do, which is one of
4:48
Speaker 2: the baby. And so this podcast is really about building hope.
4:51
Speaker 2: That's what it is so scientifically about. Twenty years ago,
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Speaker 2: a researcher by the name of Shane Lopez worked with
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Speaker 2: another guy, Snyder, and the two of them have both
5:00
Speaker 2: passed away now tragically and so sadly because they were
5:03
Speaker 2: giants of psychology.
5:04
Speaker 3: Their research was so.
5:05
Speaker 2: Impactful, and both Snyder and Lopez taught us about hope
5:09
Speaker 2: and what they said is hope has three aspects to it,
5:12
Speaker 2: three facets. If any of these three things are missing,
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Speaker 2: we will not be hopeful. We will be hopeless, hopeless.
5:20
Speaker 2: So as you consider where you are in your life,
5:23
Speaker 2: and as you consider what's coming your way, ask yourself,
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Speaker 2: am I hopeful or hopeless? Are these three things present?
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Speaker 2: Or is one of them missing? The first thing to
5:32
Speaker 2: have hope is you need to have a goal, a vision,
5:37
Speaker 2: an end in mind. If you don't know where you're going,
5:41
Speaker 2: if you don't see an end the baby being born,
5:45
Speaker 2: or the war ending or mortgage rates flattening out, or
5:48
Speaker 2: a new job, or if you're a child, finding a
5:50
Speaker 2: friend or getting a new teacher, or whatever it might be,
5:53
Speaker 2: getting an invite to a party. If you don't have
5:56
Speaker 2: an end, a goal, a vision, then you'll be hopeless.
6:01
Speaker 4: So like us going away every three months to have
6:05
Speaker 4: a couple's retreats.
6:06
Speaker 2: Which we used to do before COVID, and I can't
6:07
Speaker 2: remember the last time we did it, because blur leaves.
6:10
Speaker 4: Me feeling a little bit hopeless because I can't see
6:13
Speaker 4: an end in sight to the family drama that happens
6:16
Speaker 4: day in day out.
6:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:18
Speaker 2: And here's another kid's example. Sometimes do you remember year eight,
6:22
Speaker 2: year nine? Like, if you can get through those two years,
6:24
Speaker 2: you can get through anything in life. I believe really
6:27
Speaker 2: tough years. And I remember the story of a year
6:30
Speaker 2: nine science teacher who walked into class one day and
6:33
Speaker 2: everything was just hey, what and nothing was going right
6:36
Speaker 2: in class. Kids were rowdy, they were ambunctious, they were disengaged.
6:40
Speaker 2: So the teacher rubbed everything off the whiteboard, got the text,
6:43
Speaker 2: and wrote in big letters across the whiteboard, there is
6:47
Speaker 2: life after high school. And the students all looked at
6:52
Speaker 2: her and were like, what's going on? And the teacher said,
6:55
Speaker 2: we're not learning anything today.
6:57
Speaker 3: No one's got it.
6:58
Speaker 2: So let's just talk about how high school is not
7:00
Speaker 2: the end of your life. There's so much that's going
7:02
Speaker 2: to happen after high school. What do you want? Where
7:05
Speaker 2: do you want to go? What do you want to be?
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Speaker 2: How can we help you to get there? And she
7:08
Speaker 2: said at the ten year high school reunion. So obviously,
7:12
Speaker 2: thirteen or fourteen years later, I can't do maths very well.
7:14
Speaker 2: I was clearly not in a mass class learning that
7:17
Speaker 2: fifteen years later, fifteen years later, she showed up and
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Speaker 2: these students said, we still remember that class. We remember
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Speaker 2: you wiping everything up the board and riding there is
7:24
Speaker 2: life after high school.
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Speaker 3: And it gave us hope. It gave us a.
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Speaker 2: Goal and end of vision, something that we believe we
7:29
Speaker 2: could work towards. So that's the first element. The second
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Speaker 2: one is having a pathway. Not only do I believe
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Speaker 2: that there's something that I'm working towards, but there's a
7:38
Speaker 2: way to get there. And this is why it's so
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Speaker 2: hard for say a child who doesn't feel like they
7:42
Speaker 2: have any friends, because they know that the goal is
7:45
Speaker 2: to have friends.
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Speaker 3: But when we say, all.
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Speaker 2: Right, well what can we do to help you get friends,
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Speaker 2: and they slump their shoulders and their hands hang down
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Speaker 2: by their knees, and their bottom lip starts to quiver
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Speaker 2: and they say, I don't know.
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Speaker 3: I don't know. Because they don't know what the pathway.
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Speaker 2: They don't have to strategy the steps to take to
8:02
Speaker 2: build those relationships.
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Speaker 3: We can't just have a goal. We have to have
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Speaker 3: a process.
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Speaker 2: And the people who are most resilient, the people who
8:11
Speaker 2: have the most hope are the ones who they might
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Speaker 2: start to walk down a pathway that they think will work,
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Speaker 2: and they come up against a rock wall and realize, ah, yeah,
8:19
Speaker 2: that pathway is not working. So they take a few
8:22
Speaker 2: steps back, and then they start to use the metaphorical
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Speaker 2: cutting your way through the jungle. They pull out the
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Speaker 2: blade and they start to slash it the vines and
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Speaker 2: they forged their new pathway, and they create a pathway
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Speaker 2: to get to that end.
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Speaker 3: Goal. You've got to have a pathway, and you've got
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Speaker 3: to have a goal.
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Speaker 2: And the third thing that you've got to have is
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Speaker 2: agency or a belief that you can do it, like
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Speaker 2: that self efficacy thing. I've got the goal, I've got
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Speaker 2: the pathway. Do I actually believe that I can walk
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Speaker 2: along the pathway to the goal? Can I get there?
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Speaker 2: You've got to have the belief. You've got to believe.
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Speaker 2: If you don't believe, it doesn't matter about the goal
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Speaker 2: or the end. It doesn't matter about the path even
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Speaker 2: if it's gold plated. If you don't believe you can
9:03
Speaker 2: walk along it, you're not hopeful. You're hopeless.
9:06
Speaker 4: So after the break, let's talk about a few ways
9:08
Speaker 4: that we can help ourselves and our children Build Hope.
9:14
Speaker 1: It's their Happy Famili's podcast.
9:17
Speaker 2: Our boys are struggling with friends, mental health, alcohol, drugs, pornography, emotions,
9:24
Speaker 2: and so much more. But science tells us that the
9:27
Speaker 2: most important thing for your son's well being is his
9:30
Speaker 2: connection with you. The Bringing Up Boys Summit is about
9:35
Speaker 2: one thing, taking you into your son's world and helping
9:39
Speaker 2: you connect with him in.
9:40
Speaker 3: The way he needs you.
9:41
Speaker 2: To find out more on the Happy Family's webshop and
9:44
Speaker 2: start connecting with your son today.
9:47
Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast with a time
9:50
Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers now. And I'm looking
9:54
Speaker 4: at your list and it's rather lengthy.
9:56
Speaker 2: So I love talking about how we can build hope.
9:58
Speaker 2: If we can't be hopeful, everything is lost. It's so hard.
10:02
Speaker 2: This is why are You OK Day matters? Because AOOK
10:05
Speaker 2: day is really about saying, what are you looking forward to?
10:07
Speaker 2: How can we build some hope into your life. Let's
10:09
Speaker 2: believe that life is worth living because good things are coming.
10:12
Speaker 2: You've got to believe good things are coming.
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Speaker 4: So I'm going to just put it out there that
10:16
Speaker 4: the first thing that would be on my list would
10:17
Speaker 4: be creating moments to look forward to so I'm just
10:21
Speaker 4: putting it out there that I'm expecting in three months time, you.
10:24
Speaker 3: Really want to have our ques we get away. We
10:27
Speaker 3: need it, you know what.
10:28
Speaker 2: I'll talk to my parents, I'll see what I can do.
10:30
Speaker 2: I just worry that the kids are going to be
10:32
Speaker 2: hard work for them, but yes, we've got to have
10:34
Speaker 2: something to look forward to. You've got to create those things.
10:36
Speaker 2: But they don't have to be big. It doesn't have
10:38
Speaker 2: to be a quarterly get away for a couple. It
10:40
Speaker 2: can be what you can say to the kids, what
10:41
Speaker 2: are you looking forward to at school today?
10:43
Speaker 3: They might just be.
10:44
Speaker 2: Excited because it's pe or it's library, or it's sport
10:46
Speaker 2: or I don't know, whatever it is.
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Speaker 4: They I think it's about breaking down life. So whether
10:52
Speaker 4: it's a daily thing or a weekly thing, or something
10:54
Speaker 4: that you're looking forward to in three months time or
10:56
Speaker 4: on the.
10:56
Speaker 2: Weekend or tonight. Like we've started like watching Blue at night.
11:01
Speaker 2: I've talked about Blue, I've done interviews about Blue, I've
11:04
Speaker 2: watched an episode here and there, but we've started watching
11:05
Speaker 2: Blue every night. And the kids are so excited to
11:10
Speaker 2: be able to like that's that they're hopeful every day
11:13
Speaker 2: because they know that to not we're gonna have great
11:14
Speaker 2: family time watching Blue.
11:15
Speaker 4: Well, our nineteen year old will literally say, you cannot
11:18
Speaker 4: put Blue on until I get home from work.
11:23
Speaker 3: So I love you.
11:24
Speaker 2: I love your suggestion. Number one, find things to look
11:26
Speaker 2: forward to. They don't even have to be big things.
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Speaker 2: It's watching Blue together, or it's we're doing that thing
11:31
Speaker 2: on the weekend that we've been looking forward to.
11:34
Speaker 4: Nanny and Poppy are coming up for family dinner, or
11:37
Speaker 4: you know, we're going to go for a bike ride.
11:39
Speaker 4: Number two would be sharing hopeful news. Right when you
11:44
Speaker 4: look at the news report, just don't there isn't much
11:48
Speaker 4: to be hopeful about.
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Speaker 3: Not at all.
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Speaker 2: In fact, when I jump onto that awful news website
11:54
Speaker 2: that is Australia's apparently number one news website, and the
11:57
Speaker 2: words that always come up when I.
11:59
Speaker 3: Have a look at that are things like grim.
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Speaker 2: Or tragic, or twisted or unexpected, or it's all just
12:10
Speaker 2: so negative.
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Speaker 3: It's all so horrible, it's all just so heavy.
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Speaker 2: So let's talk about positive news because there's so much
12:18
Speaker 2: good stuff that happens in the world.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I think it's important that we are aware
12:23
Speaker 4: of other people's experiences around the world. I think we
12:28
Speaker 4: just have to be really proactive encountering the negative with
12:34
Speaker 4: a whole heap of positive and hopeful.
12:36
Speaker 2: And that's where we move from the macro here's what's
12:38
Speaker 2: in the news, to the micro what's happening in our lives.
12:41
Speaker 2: So around the dining table, you share hopeful news by saying, Hey,
12:43
Speaker 2: what was the best thing that happened to you today?
12:45
Speaker 2: What are you looking forward to tomorrow? How have you
12:48
Speaker 2: experienced something that you're grateful for today. It's those conversations
12:52
Speaker 2: where you're sharing again, tiny little things, the littlest things,
12:56
Speaker 2: but it's those little things that build hope, which kind
12:58
Speaker 2: of ties in with the next thing that you had
12:59
Speaker 2: on your list, which was saying thanks being grateful for things.
13:04
Speaker 3: I'm stealing your list. I'm sorry you.
13:05
Speaker 4: Kind of are. But you know, I love this one
13:08
Speaker 4: because literally the other day I woke up and I
13:11
Speaker 4: was feeling a bit flat, and I got a message
13:13
Speaker 4: from a friend. It was two lines to say thanks
13:16
Speaker 4: for reaching out to me. You literally gave me wings
13:18
Speaker 4: to fly.
13:19
Speaker 3: Oh you never told me about that one?
13:21
Speaker 4: No, I didn't. I didn't, but it actually choked me
13:24
Speaker 4: up because what I did was in my mind, pretty insignificant.
13:29
Speaker 3: Yeah.
13:29
Speaker 4: But to her who felt like she was literally drowning
13:33
Speaker 4: in that moment, just a friend reaching out to say, hey,
13:36
Speaker 4: just checking in to see how you're doing, and gave
13:39
Speaker 4: her the courage and the support that she needed to
13:41
Speaker 4: feel like she could breathe again.
13:43
Speaker 2: It's exactly what Gus talked about yesterday in that podcast episode,
13:46
Speaker 2: in that interview, he said exactly that, And it's so
13:50
Speaker 2: so powerful.
13:51
Speaker 4: We think that we actually have to fix people. We don't.
13:54
Speaker 4: We literally just need them to know that they're seeing,
13:57
Speaker 4: heard and valued. It's so easy to do it, and
14:00
Speaker 4: yet often we get caught up in our own selves
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Speaker 4: and don't take the time.
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Speaker 2: Yeap, And it makes such a difference. So my next
14:07
Speaker 2: idea for building hope is counter factuals. What I mean,
14:11
Speaker 2: you're looking at me strangely.
14:12
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've never heard that word.
14:13
Speaker 2: You've just scrunched up your face. A counter factual is
14:16
Speaker 2: kind of okay. So here's the fact, here's what actually happened.
14:19
Speaker 2: Let's imagine the scenario going differently. Let's have a look
14:23
Speaker 2: at a counter factual. Imagine if the facts were different.
14:26
Speaker 2: Imagine if something else had happened.
14:27
Speaker 3: What could have happened?
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Speaker 2: How could it have worked out, How could we have
14:30
Speaker 2: played it differently? What will we do next time? This
14:32
Speaker 2: is kind of a way of dealing with today's are
14:35
Speaker 2: you okay?
14:36
Speaker 3: Day?
14:36
Speaker 2: Let's imagine that somebody who's listened to this right now
14:38
Speaker 2: is living in regret and pain and depression and sadness
14:43
Speaker 2: and feeling like there is nothing positive that can happen
14:45
Speaker 2: in the future because of the mistakes that they made
14:47
Speaker 2: yesterday or last year or whatever, and everything's going wrong.
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Speaker 2: The counterfactual is essentially saying, well, what if, what if
14:54
Speaker 2: I did this? How could things be different? Or well,
14:57
Speaker 2: at least because of that mistake, these couple of things
15:03
Speaker 2: happened that were actually good. A counter factual is like
15:06
Speaker 2: creating a new reality based on thinking differently about the
15:10
Speaker 2: situation that we're in.
15:12
Speaker 4: I don't actually remember where my belief came from, but
15:17
Speaker 4: I remember vividly being about fourteen or fifteen and just
15:21
Speaker 4: having absolute clarity that there were no bad mistakes that
15:25
Speaker 4: I could make in my life as long as I
15:28
Speaker 4: chose to learn from them.
15:30
Speaker 3: Wow, you've never shared that with me. Today's a revealing day.
15:33
Speaker 4: I love this, and I just I'm so grateful for that,
15:38
Speaker 4: because as I look back on my life, and there
15:41
Speaker 4: are so many things that I wish that I could
15:44
Speaker 4: have changed or done differently. They have inevitably helped me
15:48
Speaker 4: make better decisions moving forward.
15:51
Speaker 2: And that's exactly what we're talking about here. Instead of saying,
15:53
Speaker 2: oh if only, which is a hopeless statement I've only,
15:58
Speaker 2: we're saying, well at least or because, and we're finding
16:03
Speaker 2: the silver lining. This isn't about toxic positivity. This is
16:06
Speaker 2: about saying life is hard, but we can learn and
16:08
Speaker 2: we can grow and get better.
16:10
Speaker 4: And I'm not a perfect person, and I don't expect
16:13
Speaker 4: other people to be perfect, So I'm going to make mistakes.
16:17
Speaker 4: But if I can learn from them, and if I
16:19
Speaker 4: can be a better person at the other end as
16:20
Speaker 4: a result of it, then it's been worth the experience
16:24
Speaker 4: because I would never have learned that without that experience.
16:26
Speaker 3: Okay, we need to wrap up.
16:27
Speaker 2: We've got three more ways that we can build hope
16:29
Speaker 2: in ourselves, in our friends and family.
16:31
Speaker 3: We're going to do them really quickly. Okay.
16:33
Speaker 2: The first one celebrate success yeah, not an success?
16:37
Speaker 3: Yeah progress yeah. Yeah.
16:39
Speaker 2: We every now and again, I kind of get a
16:42
Speaker 2: little bit frustrated. I feel like I'm not reaching enough families.
16:45
Speaker 2: I'm not helping enough people. I want more people to
16:47
Speaker 2: find the stuff that we talk about here on the
16:49
Speaker 2: podcast for free, or in my books or in my
16:51
Speaker 2: courses or membership or anything like that. I know what
16:54
Speaker 2: a difference it makes, and sometimes I actually feel hopeless.
16:57
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm not reaching enough people. And this
17:00
Speaker 2: isn't a pity party or anything, but sometimes I feel like,
17:02
Speaker 2: oh gosh, what do I have to do to reach
17:04
Speaker 2: these people who I know would benefit so much from
17:06
Speaker 2: what we talk about? And every now and again I
17:08
Speaker 2: just have to pause and say, Okay, but I have
17:11
Speaker 2: written a number of books, and I've had a whole
17:12
Speaker 2: lot of emails and conversations with people who have read
17:15
Speaker 2: the books or listen to the podcaster whose lives are
17:17
Speaker 2: different because of what we've done.
17:19
Speaker 4: We've talked about this before, but I remember, you know,
17:22
Speaker 4: you've shared it regularly at the same time every year
17:25
Speaker 4: Facebook sends you're a reminder about the posts that you
17:28
Speaker 4: put up when you were so excited because you had
17:32
Speaker 4: two hundred followers.
17:33
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yeah, you.
17:34
Speaker 4: Know, and that that in and of itself is progress. Yeah,
17:37
Speaker 4: because there's no longer two hundred. There's a couple more
17:39
Speaker 4: zeros after it.
17:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's a really great reminder. Even now, it
17:43
Speaker 3: makes me feel grateful.
17:44
Speaker 2: Last two things, we've got to acknowledge that cat can't
17:49
Speaker 2: is not going to be a helpful word. And there
17:52
Speaker 2: are better ways to deal with challenging situations, finding ways
17:56
Speaker 2: through it, having hope and taking off that tea making
17:59
Speaker 2: cart into a can.
18:00
Speaker 4: Well, there are some things that you may not be
18:02
Speaker 4: able to do. You actually can't do those things.
18:05
Speaker 3: Well, don't roll a toe out of my nose.
18:06
Speaker 4: But if that, if that's what we focus on, then
18:09
Speaker 4: we're going to feel hopeless. So focusing on the things
18:13
Speaker 4: that we actually can do.
18:14
Speaker 1: Yeah.
18:14
Speaker 3: Yeah.
18:15
Speaker 4: And the last thing unconditional love.
18:17
Speaker 3: Yeah.
18:18
Speaker 2: If somebody's feeling hopeless, sometimes they just need to know
18:21
Speaker 2: that they're loved.
18:22
Speaker 3: And those three.
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Speaker 2: Words that I harp on about all the time, the
18:25
Speaker 2: three most important words that you kids can hear, not
18:28
Speaker 2: I love you, but the three that come after it,
18:30
Speaker 2: No matter what, can move somebody from feeling hopeless to
18:34
Speaker 2: hopeful in a matter of moments.
18:37
Speaker 4: I think you've been your spouse needs here it once
18:39
Speaker 4: in a while too.
18:39
Speaker 3: Okay, Well i'll tell you that after the podcast.
18:43
Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin and Rulant
18:45
Speaker 2: from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. We hope,
18:49
Speaker 2: we really do hope that this podcast has helped you
18:52
Speaker 2: to feel okay, to recognize that there is something to
18:54
Speaker 2: look forward to, and to build resilience and hope skills
18:59
Speaker 2: in your kids. It is one of the most important
19:03
Speaker 2: things that we can do as parents. If you'd like
19:05
Speaker 2: more information about making your family more happy and more hopeful,
19:08
Speaker 2: please visit us at happy families dot com dot au.