Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 160. Lori Harder, Self-Love Specialist, Author & Founder of Lite Pink

Transcript

160. Lori Harder, Self-Love Specialist, Author & Founder of Lite Pink · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: The things that we think are making us happy can
0:02
Speaker 1: often be the things that are keeping us in prison.
0:04
Speaker 1: And the things that we think have to be a
0:06
Speaker 1: certain way in order to make us happy oftentimes can
0:10
Speaker 1: be done in a completely different, more maintainable, more sustainable
0:14
Speaker 1: way where you can also be happy. But what happens
0:17
Speaker 1: is you have to let go of the belief that
0:19
Speaker 1: that's the only way you can do it.
0:35
Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, Emily Abodi here.
0:37
Speaker 3: You are listening to episode one hundred and sixty of Hurdle,
0:42
Speaker 3: a wellness focused podcast where I sit down with inspiring
0:45
Speaker 3: individuals to talk about their big wins, tough moments, and
0:49
Speaker 3: everything in between. On the show, you can expect vulnerability, motivation,
0:54
Speaker 3: and candid discussions with everyone from top athletes and CEOs
0:58
Speaker 3: to aspiring entrepreneurs and what it really takes to follow
1:02
Speaker 3: your passions. My mission is simple to inspire you to
1:05
Speaker 3: be your best self, move with intention, and have some
1:09
Speaker 3: fun along the way. Today, for episode one hundred and sixty,
1:13
Speaker 3: I am talking with Lourie Harder. She's a self love specialist,
1:18
Speaker 3: host of the Forbes top rated Earn Your Happy podcast,
1:22
Speaker 3: founder of the Bliss Project, author of a tribe called
1:25
Speaker 3: Bliss founder of Light Pink, a new spiked Seltzer companies. Yeah,
1:30
Speaker 3: she does a lot. Her story is super intriguing. I mean,
1:35
Speaker 3: this woman went from small town life, growing up super religious,
1:39
Speaker 3: coming into her own, leaving the religion, getting inspired by
1:43
Speaker 3: fitness competitions, and ultimately making a massive pivot to land
1:48
Speaker 3: herself in a completely different career path, one that she's
1:52
Speaker 3: in now or her work, as I said before, revolves
1:55
Speaker 3: around a lot as an entrepreneur, Laurie has a lot
1:59
Speaker 3: going on, but because of that, she has so many
2:03
Speaker 3: amazing takeaways and life lessons that I cannot wait to
2:07
Speaker 3: share with you. I do want to say thanks to
2:09
Speaker 3: y'all for being a little bit patient with me. The
2:12
Speaker 3: last week has been chaos, but I am happy to
2:15
Speaker 3: say that I am now officially a Brooklyn resident. I'm
2:19
Speaker 3: trying to set up this home, trying to get myself organized,
2:22
Speaker 3: and I cannot appreciate all of your reaching out and
2:25
Speaker 3: good messages and sweet thoughts enough. Make sure you're following
2:29
Speaker 3: along with Hurdle Over at Hurdle Podcast. I am over
2:31
Speaker 3: at Emily a Body and if you haven't done so yet,
2:34
Speaker 3: it would mean the world to me if you would
2:37
Speaker 3: pop in over over in to Apple Podcasts, rate and
2:42
Speaker 3: review the show, give it five stars, tell the world
2:46
Speaker 3: what you love about listening to Hurdle, And with that,
2:51
Speaker 3: let's get to hurdling.
2:57
Speaker 2: Today.
2:57
Speaker 3: I'm sitting down with Lori Harder, a self love specialist,
3:01
Speaker 3: host of the Forbes top rated podcast Earn You're Happy,
3:05
Speaker 3: also girlfriends in business, founder of the Bliss Project, author
3:09
Speaker 3: of a tribe called Bliss, founder of light Pink, a
3:13
Speaker 3: new Spiked Seltzer company.
3:14
Speaker 2: Like, is there anything you do not do?
3:17
Speaker 1: Lots so many things. Yes, It's it's funny. I'm probably
3:23
Speaker 1: a lot like you, though, I feel like I just
3:25
Speaker 1: I'm interested in things like and it's hard to say
3:29
Speaker 1: no to things you're really interested in. I feel like
3:30
Speaker 1: I say no all the time.
3:31
Speaker 2: But I don't know, I feel like that's one of
3:33
Speaker 2: the best pieces of advice though.
3:35
Speaker 3: I mean, there's gonna be so many like entrepreneurial nuggets
3:37
Speaker 3: in this conversation, but I've certainly heard you say this before.
3:42
Speaker 3: I feel like every entrepreneur that I've talked with, spoken
3:46
Speaker 3: with that's offered me advice, their biggest takeaway all the
3:49
Speaker 3: time is say no more.
3:52
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I mean, Warren Buffett says he you know,
3:54
Speaker 1: he says he's successful because he says no to almost everything.
3:58
Speaker 1: And then I was just talking to Dean Grascio, so
4:00
Speaker 1: he came on our we do a Mastermind and he
4:03
Speaker 1: came in there and we said, how do you like?
4:05
Speaker 1: How do you do it? And you have such a
4:06
Speaker 1: great family life and he said, you know, he said,
4:09
Speaker 1: I literally say no to everything. And then finally people
4:13
Speaker 1: stop asking. And that might be scary to some people,
4:16
Speaker 1: but to me, it's interesting, so interesting. You know, you
4:20
Speaker 1: got to make room for it. Somehow, you've got to
4:22
Speaker 1: make room for it.
4:23
Speaker 3: But also that idea then like people stopped asking, so
4:28
Speaker 3: then perhaps if you're the person that wants something, it's
4:32
Speaker 3: kind of a reminder because I think for me, certainly,
4:34
Speaker 3: when it comes to asking people to come on the show,
4:37
Speaker 3: sometimes I'm like, oh, they must be so inundated with requests.
4:41
Speaker 3: I maybe I should wait until, like they're trying to
4:43
Speaker 3: promote something, And sometimes I do that, but other times
4:46
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, if you don't ask, you don't get
4:49
Speaker 3: so maybe these people are less inundated than even I hope.
4:53
Speaker 1: I think sometimes they are. And what's so interesting is
4:56
Speaker 1: and you know, you ask all the time, so you've
4:58
Speaker 1: you've also learned like you can't take things personal. And
5:02
Speaker 1: I think I've just gotten to this place with asking
5:04
Speaker 1: where it's like, okay, if they don't like, I'm not
5:07
Speaker 1: afraid to ask anymore and be super consistent with it,
5:10
Speaker 1: because I feel like people who are really like sometimes
5:13
Speaker 1: the people you really want to work with, or who
5:15
Speaker 1: are really like clear on who they are, and they're
5:17
Speaker 1: the people that maybe we strive to work with. They're
5:20
Speaker 1: so clear typically on what they want to do and
5:23
Speaker 1: what they don't want to do, that they're gonna tell you.
5:25
Speaker 1: They're not gonna flake on you. They're not gonna be
5:28
Speaker 1: around the bush. They're gonna be like, my plate's really full,
5:31
Speaker 1: I'm not doing podcasts this year. Like it's so decisive
5:34
Speaker 1: and it's so long term that like I have learned
5:37
Speaker 1: I used to because I used to ask Marie Folio
5:39
Speaker 1: to be on my podcast. I asked her. I've probably
5:41
Speaker 1: asked her over twenty times, like to the point where
5:43
Speaker 1: I should have saved some of these pitches. I'm sure
5:46
Speaker 1: that I could find them, but like I wrote her
5:48
Speaker 1: like a rap song, Like I literally like was doing
5:51
Speaker 1: all of these things, and I started saving her nose
5:56
Speaker 1: back to me because they were so good and done,
6:01
Speaker 1: so loving but so firm that she was like not
6:04
Speaker 1: doing podcasts right now that I saved them and started
6:07
Speaker 1: using like that idea as replies to people who would
6:11
Speaker 1: ask me. I'm like, thank you so much. So even
6:13
Speaker 1: though you said no to me, you actually showed me
6:16
Speaker 1: and taught me like one of the greatest ways to
6:19
Speaker 1: say no to people. So I'm so freaking grateful.
6:22
Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with it.
6:23
Speaker 3: It Actually, that's that's such an interesting tactic and it
6:27
Speaker 3: reminds me. When I sat down with Alex l she
6:31
Speaker 3: told me that learning how to say no over the
6:34
Speaker 3: past couple of years was like one of the biggest
6:36
Speaker 3: skills that she has come into her own with. And
6:40
Speaker 3: she said that someone was similar to you in that
6:44
Speaker 3: persistent nature trying to work with her on something. And finally,
6:48
Speaker 3: I think her no involved some language that was like
6:52
Speaker 3: I really appreciate you for respecting this boundary of mine
6:56
Speaker 3: and unfortunately I just can't move it at this time,
6:59
Speaker 3: and it was like, there's no more room for conversation.
7:02
Speaker 2: No is no.
7:02
Speaker 1: That's it, yep, totally totally, that's it.
7:05
Speaker 3: Well, you said something here that I found really interesting
7:08
Speaker 3: and I know will get us a little bit into
7:10
Speaker 3: your story, which is mentioning that when you are firm
7:15
Speaker 3: on who you are, and I know that you, like
7:18
Speaker 3: all of us, haven't always been super firm in who
7:23
Speaker 3: you are, in owning who it is that you are
7:25
Speaker 3: in your personality.
7:27
Speaker 2: So why don't we rewind it.
7:29
Speaker 3: Back a little bit and talk a little bit about
7:31
Speaker 3: your backstory and where you grew up, which is in
7:34
Speaker 3: the Up as the kids call it.
7:37
Speaker 1: Yes, people are like, you grew up in the up
7:40
Speaker 1: and that's like literally what we called it. So when
7:41
Speaker 1: I would tell people that when I moved, they're just like,
7:43
Speaker 1: I have no idea what you're talking about. You guys,
7:46
Speaker 1: that is the upper Peninsula of Michigan. And we didn't
7:49
Speaker 1: even think we were a part of Michigan because we
7:51
Speaker 1: were you're not. So in the upper Peninsula of Michigan,
7:53
Speaker 1: you're not actually connected to Lower Michigan. It's a bridge
7:57
Speaker 1: separates you the Mackinaw Bridge. So we are connected to Wisconsin.
8:00
Speaker 1: So we more identified more with Wisconsin than we even
8:03
Speaker 1: did Michigan, which is why we probably just called ourselves
8:05
Speaker 1: the Up. There's no Michigan in that at all. And
8:09
Speaker 1: I'm telling you that because if you didn't know where
8:11
Speaker 1: it was, there's a reason. It's it's smaller, it's in
8:16
Speaker 1: the woods, like it is very it's kind of it
8:19
Speaker 1: kind of feels off the map, like we actually even
8:22
Speaker 1: I It's funny because in my twenties I started traveling
8:25
Speaker 1: to Canada a lot, and I felt more like a
8:27
Speaker 1: Canadian like when I would meet and talk with them
8:29
Speaker 1: than I did anybody else, which is very bizarre. So
8:34
Speaker 1: it's small town. Grew up in essentially, you know, isolated
8:38
Speaker 1: about three three hours from anything that would resemble a city.
8:42
Speaker 1: You know, if we were going to go school, close
8:44
Speaker 1: shopping when we were young, we'd like drive three hours
8:46
Speaker 1: to like go to some stores or go to the
8:48
Speaker 1: small And so I was also raised in a more
8:53
Speaker 1: restrictive religion. And the reason I share that is because
8:56
Speaker 1: it went from a small town to make it even smaller,
8:59
Speaker 1: because I was not allowed to hang out with people
9:01
Speaker 1: outside of the religion. So the bubble became even smaller
9:05
Speaker 1: of perspective of beliefs, of you know, what I was
9:10
Speaker 1: exposed to, and so it was a very it's like
9:14
Speaker 1: we only know what we know. And so from there
9:18
Speaker 1: it was it was a very small, uh, just pool
9:21
Speaker 1: of people that I was learning from experiences that I
9:24
Speaker 1: was seeing. So when I became a teenager and sort
9:27
Speaker 1: of like having these different thoughts and questioning different things
9:32
Speaker 1: and wanting to do things that were kind of outside
9:35
Speaker 1: of what was expected from the religion. You were kind
9:38
Speaker 1: of expected to more like grow up and teach about
9:41
Speaker 1: the religion and go door to door and convert people
9:43
Speaker 1: and do all of those things. And so when I
9:46
Speaker 1: had these ideas of like, oh my god, I think
9:48
Speaker 1: I want to like be like a fitness role model.
9:51
Speaker 1: I think that I want to be like a like
9:54
Speaker 1: a celebrity fitness person. I think I want to help
9:56
Speaker 1: all of these people transform, it was like so far
9:59
Speaker 1: outside of what we were quote unquote kind of like
10:02
Speaker 1: expected or almost allowed to do, because that would mean
10:05
Speaker 1: my life would have to be integrated with a lot
10:08
Speaker 1: of people who were outside of the religion, so that
10:11
Speaker 1: wouldn't work. And so when I was eighteen, I ended
10:14
Speaker 1: up leaving and it was one of the hardest things
10:16
Speaker 1: that I've ever done because it broke my family's heart.
10:19
Speaker 1: And I still fully respect the religion and all of
10:23
Speaker 1: the things that it taught me, but It just absolutely
10:25
Speaker 1: was not the direction that I was going to be
10:27
Speaker 1: going for my adult life. And the reason that that
10:30
Speaker 1: was so challenging is because I did not have any
10:33
Speaker 1: friends outside of the religion, none. And when you're leaving it,
10:37
Speaker 1: you are no longer supposed to hang out with them
10:40
Speaker 1: because you just start thinking differently. And so when I left,
10:45
Speaker 1: it didn't just mean like leaving home at eighteen. It
10:47
Speaker 1: was like leaving everything I had ever known in my
10:50
Speaker 1: entire life. And the idea that I teach on so
10:54
Speaker 1: much now it came from this is your environment is
10:59
Speaker 1: stronger than your willpower. So no matter how much you
11:03
Speaker 1: want to go and do something that you have not
11:06
Speaker 1: been exposed to in your environment, if it's not currently
11:10
Speaker 1: in your environment, or there is not someone doing it
11:12
Speaker 1: in your environment, or you're not listening to someone in
11:15
Speaker 1: your environment, or people in your environment don't have those beliefs,
11:18
Speaker 1: your environment will not allow it. Like it will absolutely
11:23
Speaker 1: strangle out whatever it is that you're trying to do,
11:26
Speaker 1: not in a bad way, just it can't be cultivated.
11:28
Speaker 1: It's not the soil in which it can be cultivated.
11:31
Speaker 1: So I learned that because you have to go and
11:34
Speaker 1: start at least listening on podcasts, at least reading books,
11:39
Speaker 1: at least consuming these things where you're because that's your
11:42
Speaker 1: environment too. I believe your environment is people. You know,
11:45
Speaker 1: when you think of environment, you may think of your
11:47
Speaker 1: home or outside or whatever that is. But your environment, yeah,
11:50
Speaker 1: it can be your home and the energy in it,
11:52
Speaker 1: and maybe there's clutter and things in there or whatever
11:54
Speaker 1: it is, but a lot of it is people. And
11:56
Speaker 1: what you're consuming is really the environment. Right Like around
12:00
Speaker 1: says you're the some of the five people that you're
12:01
Speaker 1: around the most. Fully believe that, and I also believe
12:05
Speaker 1: it's you're the some of the things you're consuming, like
12:08
Speaker 1: listening to reading, all of the things. So I start like,
12:11
Speaker 1: once I understood this, I started to say, Okay, people,
12:15
Speaker 1: people talk about transformation all the time, and I know
12:17
Speaker 1: that we're probably going to talk about some of the
12:19
Speaker 1: different just you know, the fitness journey and things like that.
12:22
Speaker 1: But I really started to understand that when I wanted
12:27
Speaker 1: to go on a like when I wanted to become
12:31
Speaker 1: that fitness person because my whole family was overweight and
12:34
Speaker 1: I struggled with weight. I had gone on a diet
12:36
Speaker 1: for the first time at eight years old, been on
12:38
Speaker 1: hundreds of diets, but I could not get to that
12:44
Speaker 1: place without leaving the current environment that was causing you know,
12:49
Speaker 1: me to not be able to reach those goals.
12:51
Speaker 3: So tangents so interesting to hear about you similar to
12:57
Speaker 3: me going through all of these different phases in your
12:59
Speaker 3: life where you were dieting and yo yo dieting and
13:02
Speaker 3: your weight was up probably, and it was down probably,
13:04
Speaker 3: and then it was back up probably, So that diet
13:06
Speaker 3: culture then encouraging you almost to be like, but I
13:10
Speaker 3: really want to get involved in fitness. Were you at
13:12
Speaker 3: a point ever in that journey where you felt like
13:15
Speaker 3: you were super fit or No, not before you left home.
13:19
Speaker 1: Not really before I left home, there was There was
13:22
Speaker 1: kind of one year, and it was the year that
13:24
Speaker 1: I wasn't home much. It was the year that I
13:27
Speaker 1: had gone a lot and stayed with a girlfriend whose
13:30
Speaker 1: family was very It was actually the family that helped
13:34
Speaker 1: me understand that there were choices that I could be
13:37
Speaker 1: making that were outside of my current choices, and that
13:40
Speaker 1: people they showed me that there could be a healthy
13:43
Speaker 1: relationship with food. Like I remember the first time I
13:46
Speaker 1: went to her house. It was fourteen and I stayed
13:49
Speaker 1: for a week, and I went home and I had
13:51
Speaker 1: lost five pounds, and I was like, I couldn't lose
13:55
Speaker 1: five pounds if it took me the year when I
13:58
Speaker 1: was at home, you know, and how to I go
14:00
Speaker 1: and have fun and like enjoy myself and like eat
14:03
Speaker 1: great food. But I like lost this weight. We only
14:09
Speaker 1: ate like at meal time. They did not snack, and
14:12
Speaker 1: we were so wildly busy, like outside and playing outside
14:17
Speaker 1: and like talking and just like it. I literally I
14:20
Speaker 1: wrote about this in my book because I had said
14:23
Speaker 1: to her it was like one night in and I
14:25
Speaker 1: was programmed to snack, right, like program to snack at night.
14:28
Speaker 1: That is what we did. So it was like, I
14:30
Speaker 1: don't know, seven pm. And I was like, hey, like
14:33
Speaker 1: where's your where's your snack cabinet, Like let's have some
14:36
Speaker 1: snacks or whatever. And she was like, what do you mean,
14:39
Speaker 1: Like we don't really like what, we don't really snack,
14:41
Speaker 1: like we eat dinner and we don't really snack at night.
14:43
Speaker 1: It's like what She's like, there's apples, though, I was
14:46
Speaker 1: like apples, Like you know, if you're a snacker, like
14:49
Speaker 1: you eat bags of twizzlers and ice cream and like
14:52
Speaker 1: you do this, you do like three different snacks and
14:54
Speaker 1: one night I just I don't mean a snack, I
14:56
Speaker 1: mean like full on you know, you're making hot fudge Sundays,
14:59
Speaker 1: like massive bowls of whatever. And I looked at me,
15:03
Speaker 1: I was like an apple, Like that is disgusting, Like
15:06
Speaker 1: I was, I was disgusted. But that was that first
15:10
Speaker 1: moment that was like a breakthrough moment for me of
15:13
Speaker 1: that whole week was just like, oh my god, I'm
15:16
Speaker 1: watching these people not even care about food, and my
15:20
Speaker 1: brain was just like, where's the food? Where's the snacks?
15:22
Speaker 1: Are we? Okay, we're going on you know this this
15:25
Speaker 1: day hike. What snacks are we bringing? Where's the trail mix?
15:27
Speaker 1: Like are we gonna die? Like Oh, it's all of
15:30
Speaker 1: these all of these things and these attachments to like
15:33
Speaker 1: if we're doing this, we need this snack. If we're
15:36
Speaker 1: doing this, we need this snack. And we're bonding over this.
15:39
Speaker 1: And oh we're all playing cards at the table. Why
15:40
Speaker 1: aren't there like a bunch of chips and you know,
15:43
Speaker 1: all these things on the table. Like I was, I
15:45
Speaker 1: was watching my brain kind of be like what and
15:49
Speaker 1: also noticing that I was just consumed with other things,
15:54
Speaker 1: Like it was just interesting to me.
15:57
Speaker 3: A lot of autopilot, and that like associating diferend snacks
16:00
Speaker 3: with different behaviors and not even thinking twice about opening
16:04
Speaker 3: the fridge to get the thing that you usually eat
16:06
Speaker 3: when you're doing this thing.
16:07
Speaker 2: And hard to break out of those habits for sure.
16:09
Speaker 3: So for you, as you mentioned you leave home, you're
16:13
Speaker 3: super interested in getting into fitness. Talk me through that
16:16
Speaker 3: and where that comes from.
16:19
Speaker 1: You know, I had seen there were like fitness Americas,
16:22
Speaker 1: I believe they were on TV or they were these
16:24
Speaker 1: fitness competitions where they would like jump around. It was
16:27
Speaker 1: the exercise like fitness competitions where they would dance and
16:30
Speaker 1: jump and do all the things. And I always loved,
16:33
Speaker 1: you know, dancing. I'd always like been obsessed with gymnastics,
16:36
Speaker 1: but I was never allowed to be in them because
16:39
Speaker 1: they were either on meeting nights or like our church nights,
16:42
Speaker 1: or they also were with people who were outside of
16:44
Speaker 1: the religion. So I was infatuated with anything like that,
16:50
Speaker 1: moving your body, things like that. So as soon as
16:53
Speaker 1: I could, as soon as I left, I started to
16:56
Speaker 1: get really interested in that, like could I maybe do that?
16:59
Speaker 1: Like because I didn't go to college, I didn't you know,
17:02
Speaker 1: I can't go back and relive my childhood and join
17:04
Speaker 1: like you know, jazz or jazz class and all of
17:06
Speaker 1: these things different things. So I was like, Okay, what
17:09
Speaker 1: can I do as an adult that could incorporate maybe
17:12
Speaker 1: allowing me to live that dream that I wanted of
17:15
Speaker 1: like either dancing or some sort of fitness. And I'd
17:18
Speaker 1: watched it on TV, like I said, and these women
17:20
Speaker 1: just seemed so confident. I think to me, it seemed
17:24
Speaker 1: like they were so powerful and so confident and so happy,
17:28
Speaker 1: and I wanted to embody those feelings. Like those were
17:31
Speaker 1: the feelings that I got watching them, like very powerful
17:34
Speaker 1: and just like wow, like you can you know when
17:36
Speaker 1: you're watching something so powerful, Like I just watched Rocketman
17:40
Speaker 1: again last night and it was I was like levitating
17:42
Speaker 1: in my chair because the music and just the performance,
17:46
Speaker 1: and I'm very very drawn to that. So for me,
17:49
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, seems like fitness could be this
17:52
Speaker 1: thing that I could do and I could also like
17:56
Speaker 1: create a life around it so that I would stay
17:59
Speaker 1: fit because I was so afraid of not being fit.
18:02
Speaker 1: I had been told my whole life like you're going
18:05
Speaker 1: to gain weight, You're gonna I literally had so many
18:08
Speaker 1: people say these words to me, Oh, you're gonna be
18:10
Speaker 1: fat like the rest of us. Like that's literally ringing
18:12
Speaker 1: in my ears from my childhood because that's what my
18:14
Speaker 1: family would always say. They'd say we had their last
18:19
Speaker 1: name was Baker, and they're like, it's the Baker a way,
18:20
Speaker 1: We're just fat. And so I thought that I wasn't
18:24
Speaker 1: going to be able to escape it, Like I truly believe, like,
18:26
Speaker 1: oh maybe it's just going to creep up, and if
18:28
Speaker 1: I create this life, like I'll be able to outrun it.
18:31
Speaker 1: And you know, I think through the years I learned
18:34
Speaker 1: enough that just science and habits and all the things,
18:37
Speaker 1: but that was something I had to like really reset
18:40
Speaker 1: because that was a huge driver in the very beginning
18:43
Speaker 1: for me to create a life of fitness. And then
18:46
Speaker 1: also I know what fitness did for me. It made
18:49
Speaker 1: me feel like I just more kind of in control
18:52
Speaker 1: of my life. I felt happier, I had more emotional stability.
18:56
Speaker 1: I really struggled with a lot of anxiety before I
18:58
Speaker 1: started working out because I was eating really bad and
19:00
Speaker 1: I just depression, anxiety, all of the things. So moving
19:04
Speaker 1: my body became such a powerful tool. And I always
19:07
Speaker 1: talk about how moving my body was like pretty much
19:09
Speaker 1: the first spiritual breakthroughs I've ever had. You meet yourself, like,
19:13
Speaker 1: go on a really long walk and don't come home
19:15
Speaker 1: until something happens, Like it will happen for you, something
19:18
Speaker 1: will shift, You'll hear a little voice that's like, maybe
19:21
Speaker 1: I want to do something else with my life, or
19:23
Speaker 1: maybe I came here to do this, And that's why fitness.
19:26
Speaker 1: I just felt like it was the first time that
19:27
Speaker 1: I felt like me and I wanted to build I
19:29
Speaker 1: wanted to build a life around that, and I wanted
19:31
Speaker 1: to give it to other people because it was such
19:33
Speaker 1: a gift. And I watched how my family didn't have it,
19:36
Speaker 1: and they really really struggled, and a lot of them
19:38
Speaker 1: still really really do.
19:40
Speaker 3: And I love how the example that you used was
19:43
Speaker 3: go for a really long walk, right, Like, you don't
19:46
Speaker 3: need to go out and lift a two hundred pound
19:49
Speaker 3: barbell or run a marathon to meet yourself where you're
19:53
Speaker 3: at instead and just start moving. There's so much power
19:57
Speaker 3: in that, rather than comparing your journey to that of
20:01
Speaker 3: someone else that you might see on the highlight reel
20:03
Speaker 3: of social media. And now for you, I mean, you
20:06
Speaker 3: didn't just start working out either, like you took it
20:09
Speaker 3: a step beyond that. So talk to me about how
20:12
Speaker 3: you got involved with both competing and then how you
20:16
Speaker 3: began your own career, building your own gym.
20:21
Speaker 1: That kind of stuff, you know. And I just want
20:24
Speaker 1: to say one more thing to walking. Walking is still
20:27
Speaker 1: to this day my greatest gift ever, Like it's my
20:30
Speaker 1: favorite thing that I do. I connect with my husband
20:32
Speaker 1: in that way, like I just feel like it's a
20:34
Speaker 1: moving meditation and it's super powerful. Even if even if
20:38
Speaker 1: the only work out you did the rest of your
20:39
Speaker 1: life was walk, you'd probably be more than more than wonderful.
20:43
Speaker 2: So more than wonderful, well then wonderful.
20:47
Speaker 1: So the transition from just like going full into Finnish
20:52
Speaker 1: competitions with so many things. I mean, Emily, I like
20:58
Speaker 1: I didn't finish anything in my life, like nobody in
21:01
Speaker 1: my family finished anything. I literally had the mantra in
21:04
Speaker 1: my head like I never finish anything. I had started
21:07
Speaker 1: different things I'd signed up for, you know, different courses
21:10
Speaker 1: I don't finish. I didn't finish anything. So for me,
21:15
Speaker 1: I think just doing a fitness competition number one was
21:19
Speaker 1: wanting to just complete something improve to myself. That I
21:21
Speaker 1: could like do something scary because I was homeschooled through
21:25
Speaker 1: high school and I didn't I didn't finish high school.
21:29
Speaker 1: I didn't graduate high school, so I hadn't finished that.
21:31
Speaker 1: So I already felt like a total loser. I just
21:33
Speaker 1: felt like I was never going to end up amounting
21:37
Speaker 1: to anything, and so I was like, I have to
21:40
Speaker 1: just finish something, improve something to myself. And I had
21:43
Speaker 1: massive anxiety and panic attacks, so I was starting to
21:46
Speaker 1: feel like I was a total hermit. I was starting
21:48
Speaker 1: to drink like a lot more alcohol just to feel
21:51
Speaker 1: like a normal person. I would have to have like
21:54
Speaker 1: three or four drinks before I'd even go out and
21:55
Speaker 1: see friends, like because I was so anxious, Like just
21:59
Speaker 1: interact was starting to make me anxious because I think
22:02
Speaker 1: I lived such a sheltered life. So with that said,
22:05
Speaker 1: when I first put a fitness competition on the calendar,
22:09
Speaker 1: it was simply to like say, I can't live this
22:12
Speaker 1: way anymore. I can't allow myself to like be overtaken
22:15
Speaker 1: by fear. If I don't start doing scary things, like
22:18
Speaker 1: I will be swallowed whole by my fear and anxiety.
22:21
Speaker 3: That's so interesting because out of all the things that
22:24
Speaker 3: you could have chosen to like put on the calendar.
22:27
Speaker 3: You could have chose to like do a five K
22:29
Speaker 3: where you're not half naked in front of a lot
22:31
Speaker 3: of people, but you're not. You're like, you know what, Nah,
22:34
Speaker 3: we're gonna take this to the extreme extreme year.
22:38
Speaker 1: I just felt like, you know, when you just I
22:40
Speaker 1: just felt like if I didn't do that, I was like, Okay,
22:43
Speaker 1: if you're going to do something big dude. Anyway, And
22:44
Speaker 1: I had never run a day in my life, so
22:47
Speaker 1: I don't think I even thought of that. I didn't
22:49
Speaker 1: even think I could run, do you know what I mean? Yeah,
22:51
Speaker 1: So for me, I was like, Okay, I feel like
22:54
Speaker 1: I can cause I had already worked out. So I
22:56
Speaker 1: was like at that point, I had a lot of
23:00
Speaker 1: I knew how to work out, like I understood working out.
23:03
Speaker 1: I read every single magazine there possibly could be to read.
23:06
Speaker 1: So I think to me, it felt like the only
23:08
Speaker 1: thing that I was good at, or like somewhat good at,
23:11
Speaker 1: and that's why I went with that route.
23:13
Speaker 3: Were you getting certifications at this time or just really
23:16
Speaker 3: into working out?
23:17
Speaker 1: Ummm no, I'm trying to think. When I got I
23:20
Speaker 1: think simultaneous. So I started competing at twenty seven and yeah,
23:24
Speaker 1: I was getting certified at twenty six.
23:26
Speaker 3: Yeah, so wait just for a second, let's dial in,
23:29
Speaker 3: because what happened between eighteen when you left and twenty
23:33
Speaker 3: seven when you started to really get into this stuff.
23:35
Speaker 1: I was still really working out, but I was working
23:37
Speaker 1: random jobs. Like I really, when I tell you, I
23:40
Speaker 1: believed I would not amount to anything, like I lived
23:43
Speaker 1: and like I lived that, like I I fully took
23:47
Speaker 1: on that identity of like, wow, I'm never going to
23:49
Speaker 1: be able to do anything, Like I got married to
23:51
Speaker 1: the most amazing man and still married to him this
23:55
Speaker 1: many years later, and he just called me out on
23:57
Speaker 1: all of my shit. So that was fantastic. And him
24:01
Speaker 1: and I went through a really tough spot together, like
24:03
Speaker 1: we actually lost our house, our cars, all the things,
24:06
Speaker 1: like three hundred thousand dollars in debt. And that was
24:08
Speaker 1: the thing that woke me up to be like, you
24:09
Speaker 1: got to get your shit together and you have to
24:11
Speaker 1: do something. And that's when I started, you know, I'm like, Okay,
24:14
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a fitness competition. Okay, I'm gonna start
24:16
Speaker 1: training people. I have to make money somehow. That's when
24:19
Speaker 1: I got more into business. But yeah, there wasn't a
24:22
Speaker 1: whole lot going on. There was a lot of like
24:25
Speaker 1: random jobs I did. I worked at a coffee shop
24:28
Speaker 1: when I was like twenty year drive through coffee shop.
24:31
Speaker 1: I did retail jobs. I did makeup, I went I
24:35
Speaker 1: worked with my dad for a while, so I knew
24:36
Speaker 1: how to do like installation of kitchens and bathrooms and
24:39
Speaker 1: countertops and all of those things. I've done a lot
24:41
Speaker 1: of different things. But it wasn't until later that I
24:44
Speaker 1: was like my soul would not leave me alone. Like
24:46
Speaker 1: I was the girl who like I couldn't sleep, I
24:48
Speaker 1: had insomnia because my soul was just like, look, we're
24:51
Speaker 1: gonna keep hitting you in the face with two by
24:52
Speaker 1: fours until you wake up's And that's what happened. I
24:56
Speaker 1: had a lot of those moments.
24:58
Speaker 3: Was there like a specific rock a moment that you
25:01
Speaker 3: were like, we really need to turn this all around
25:03
Speaker 3: or was it just that as you're saying, like the
25:04
Speaker 3: culmination of all the two by fours in the face.
25:07
Speaker 1: Oh man, I mean there's a whole portion of my
25:09
Speaker 1: life that I'm not sharing that. It's just like from
25:11
Speaker 1: eighteen into about twenty one where I just like drink
25:14
Speaker 1: I was drinking and you know, doing drugs and like
25:17
Speaker 1: in with uh horrible roommates. I went to Mexico, I
25:22
Speaker 1: got kidnapped for an entire night and beaten, and like,
25:25
Speaker 1: there were so many different things that like started to
25:28
Speaker 1: wake me up and I knew, but I still could
25:31
Speaker 1: not get myself to like do the big things. So
25:34
Speaker 1: I was that person who like people like, do you
25:36
Speaker 1: have one moment, I'm like, I had thousands, And I'm
25:40
Speaker 1: so grateful that whatever you believe, like that God did
25:43
Speaker 1: not give up on me, like on the nudges, like
25:46
Speaker 1: and I'm so glad that I eventually finally listened because
25:50
Speaker 1: I just had so so many, so many moments that like,
25:55
Speaker 1: don't give up on yourself, even if you've had a
25:57
Speaker 1: million nudges. And you're like, well, that should have woken
25:59
Speaker 1: me up. Well that should have woken me up. There
26:01
Speaker 1: are parts of you that are waking up or changing.
26:03
Speaker 1: It's just you know, it's we're all in a timeline
26:07
Speaker 1: that we don't understand why. And now looking back, I
26:09
Speaker 1: can completely see that I was on the perfect timeline
26:13
Speaker 1: for me. And it's just and you never know that
26:16
Speaker 1: once you get to a spot like it can it
26:18
Speaker 1: can accelerate so incredibly fast that I just say, don't
26:23
Speaker 1: don't judge the timeline because there's things happening. I always
26:25
Speaker 1: feel like it's a winter, you know, there's so much
26:27
Speaker 1: happening underneath that layer of snow that you see. That's
26:30
Speaker 1: just like getting you ready for something amazing. So yeah,
26:35
Speaker 1: I try not to judge it anymore.
26:37
Speaker 3: So when you first sign up for this fitness competition
26:41
Speaker 3: and you get over the hurdle of the signing up,
26:44
Speaker 3: then how does the training go? And talk to me
26:47
Speaker 3: about that mental journey, because that's a whole other thing.
26:50
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I mean, oh my god. Literally just
26:55
Speaker 1: went back to the I mean, I did fitness competitions
26:57
Speaker 1: for like six years, so it's start to become like more.
27:01
Speaker 1: I started to understand it more and just even just
27:04
Speaker 1: learning about, you know, the science of it and working
27:06
Speaker 1: with different people and that really helped me. But in
27:09
Speaker 1: the beginning, it was just like it was terrible. I
27:12
Speaker 1: didn't know anything I was doing. I was listening to
27:15
Speaker 1: different people who maybe I shouldn't be listening to. I
27:18
Speaker 1: was just like following protocol and wondering why I was
27:20
Speaker 1: suffering so much or my body wasn't changing in the
27:22
Speaker 1: way that I wanted. So many different things happened within,
27:26
Speaker 1: you know, the first year that I had started competing,
27:29
Speaker 1: because you're you're essentially like just trying things. You're just
27:33
Speaker 1: you're you're trying these protocols that people are putting you
27:36
Speaker 1: on to work out this many days and eat this
27:38
Speaker 1: to see what potentially you could look like on show day,
27:41
Speaker 1: you know, whether it's sixty or one hundred and twenty
27:44
Speaker 1: days from the time that you maybe start your protocol
27:48
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. But I will tell you one
27:51
Speaker 1: of the best things I did, though, is sign up
27:53
Speaker 1: with a team of people who were known for doing
27:57
Speaker 1: like all natural competing and like trying to make sure
27:59
Speaker 1: that women do it a lot healthier. And that was
28:02
Speaker 1: probably the best thing I did, because even when I
28:04
Speaker 1: thought of going like super crazy extreme, they were just
28:08
Speaker 1: like great reminders that it doesn't work, it's not sustainable,
28:11
Speaker 1: and you're probably going to pay for it later. And
28:14
Speaker 1: even though I do feel like I took it to
28:16
Speaker 1: an extreme level at some points that it was kind
28:19
Speaker 1: of nice to always have that bring me back to
28:22
Speaker 1: the place of, like, Okay, what happens when you do
28:26
Speaker 1: this to your body? What happens to women when this happens,
28:29
Speaker 1: And I think just having that conversation be readily available
28:32
Speaker 1: and accessible was really big for me.
28:42
Speaker 3: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you
28:44
Speaker 3: about my sponsors. First up, Baron Fig. Baron Fag has
28:49
Speaker 3: been dedicated to a mission to champion thinkers around the
28:53
Speaker 3: world through inspiration and imagination. They do this by creating
28:57
Speaker 3: tools for thinkers. Now, I know what you are wondering.
29:01
Speaker 3: What is a thinker? By definition?
29:04
Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad you asked. If you have thoughts, you're
29:07
Speaker 2: a thinker.
29:09
Speaker 3: What originally started out as a small project between designer
29:12
Speaker 3: and CEO Joey Cafone and his friends quickly turned into
29:16
Speaker 3: something more. With the only ten thousand Confidant notebooks sold
29:20
Speaker 3: in the first thirty days, Baron Fag has expanded their
29:23
Speaker 3: line of quote unquote tools for thinkers to include guided journals, notebooks,
29:28
Speaker 3: writing instruments, bags, desk organizers.
29:31
Speaker 2: So many things, and so much more.
29:34
Speaker 3: I use my Confidant journal every morning and I literally
29:37
Speaker 3: sat down with it for about thirty to forty minutes.
29:41
Speaker 2: Easily on Sunday morning.
29:44
Speaker 3: A lot to reflect on in this crazy, crazy stage
29:47
Speaker 3: of life that I'm in anyway.
29:49
Speaker 2: Of course, Baron Fag has a deal for you.
29:52
Speaker 3: Use the code Hurdle twenty at check out to receive
29:55
Speaker 3: twenty percent off your purchase of fifty dollars or more
29:58
Speaker 3: at Baron Fig.
29:59
Speaker 2: That's b r n fig dot com. Again.
30:04
Speaker 3: Head on over to Baronfeg dot com and use the
30:06
Speaker 3: code Hurdle twenty at checkout to receive twenty percent off
30:10
Speaker 3: your purchase of fifty dollars or mar Barren Fig. Do
30:14
Speaker 3: your best thinking second shout out of the episode to
30:18
Speaker 3: my friends at Gooder.
30:20
Speaker 2: Y'all.
30:20
Speaker 3: Once I started wearing Gooder sunglasses on my runs, just
30:24
Speaker 3: running aroundtown getting things done, I haven't been able to
30:28
Speaker 3: look back. They are the perfect fit for my face
30:32
Speaker 3: and as I mentioned, multipurpose. Plus, they have really smart tech.
30:37
Speaker 3: I'm talking polarized, no bounce, no scratch, just all good times.
30:43
Speaker 2: I'm a huge fan of.
30:44
Speaker 3: Their blackout mock g's, but there are plenty of different
30:46
Speaker 3: styles to fit every taste and best of all, the
30:50
Speaker 3: price point these glasses are so obscenely affordable. I'm talking
30:54
Speaker 3: starting at twenty five dollars, which is unbelievable considering just
30:59
Speaker 3: how excellent the quality is. Of course, I have an
31:03
Speaker 3: awesome deal for you. Head on over to Gooder dot
31:07
Speaker 3: com slash hurdle. That's goodr dot com slash hurdle and
31:12
Speaker 3: use the code hurdle one five at checkout for fifteen
31:15
Speaker 3: percent off your order today. Again, that is Hurdle one
31:19
Speaker 3: five at Gooder dot com slash hurdle. Use that code
31:22
Speaker 3: to get fifteen percent off your purchase today. Did I
31:26
Speaker 3: mention they are already obscenely affordable? Trust me, you won't
31:31
Speaker 3: regret it. Talk to me about that internal dialogue that's
31:42
Speaker 3: happening with you at this point, because I know you
31:45
Speaker 3: spoke about having such a negative dialogue earlier on with
31:49
Speaker 3: all of the eating and I can't do this. And
31:51
Speaker 3: now you're at the fitness competition stage of your life
31:54
Speaker 3: and you're highly restricting your diet as well, So I
31:58
Speaker 3: can imagine that this could become a little toxic.
32:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it did for a little while, because what
32:03
Speaker 1: happens is you see the results. What happens is you
32:07
Speaker 1: find a plan that quote unquote works, but what it
32:11
Speaker 1: works for is show time. It doesn't work for a lifetime.
32:15
Speaker 1: So you know, all of a sudden, for the first
32:19
Speaker 1: time in my life, I might add, I'm getting attention.
32:22
Speaker 1: I have never gotten attention in my entire life, especially
32:26
Speaker 1: for how I looked. So what does that do. It's
32:28
Speaker 1: like immediate, like, oh, when I do this, I get love, right,
32:32
Speaker 1: And then that you are addicted, you are now essentially
32:36
Speaker 1: on crack, and that crack is called staying lean to
32:40
Speaker 1: get love and staying lean for recognition. So for me,
32:45
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't think you realize how much it
32:48
Speaker 1: affects you until all of a sudden you're not in
32:51
Speaker 1: that shape anymore, and you're like, oh my god, it's
32:54
Speaker 1: like you're jonesing for your next hit, and you're like,
32:57
Speaker 1: it's the same with accomplishments, which I could talk about
32:59
Speaker 1: for ever as well, And it's not until that that
33:02
Speaker 1: even that recognition of that. And also I think realizing
33:07
Speaker 1: like the things that we think are making us happy
33:09
Speaker 1: can often be the things that are keeping us in prison.
33:11
Speaker 1: And the things that we think have to be a
33:14
Speaker 1: certain way in order to make us happy oftentimes can
33:17
Speaker 1: be done in a completely different, more maintainable, more sustainable
33:21
Speaker 1: way where you can also be happy. But what happens
33:24
Speaker 1: is you have to let go of the belief that
33:26
Speaker 1: that's the only way you can do it. And the
33:30
Speaker 1: only way I let go of this belief was like there,
33:33
Speaker 1: I definitely like straight away from it a bit to
33:35
Speaker 1: the to a place where I felt like I was
33:38
Speaker 1: a lot healthier, But I didn't understand that I was
33:40
Speaker 1: still so ingrained in the routine, like to the point
33:44
Speaker 1: where it was like, you know, affecting, like where where
33:47
Speaker 1: do I want to go? Where do I want to
33:48
Speaker 1: travel to? Oh, I can't go to Europe because I'm
33:51
Speaker 1: not going to have control over the food there. I
33:53
Speaker 1: know what it's like there, And I still went. But
33:57
Speaker 1: I had these beliefs that were stopping me from life.
33:59
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not gonna sleep well, that it's gonna
34:02
Speaker 1: throw me off, and I'm gonna start eating X, Y
34:04
Speaker 1: and Z, and I'm not gonna have access to gyms
34:06
Speaker 1: for a month, so I can't go travel across eas
34:08
Speaker 1: for that long. Anyway, I ended up going overseas for
34:11
Speaker 1: an entire month, had zero access to one gym. I was,
34:16
Speaker 1: you know, staying up until two am because the people
34:19
Speaker 1: I traveled with, like we booked dinner reservations at ten
34:23
Speaker 1: pm every night, because in Spain you just eat super
34:25
Speaker 1: late and you sleep late. And it's it's glorious and
34:29
Speaker 1: horrible for a fitness person, like you're like, this is amazing.
34:32
Speaker 1: I hate it, and like I had to let go
34:35
Speaker 1: because we were with a large group of people and
34:37
Speaker 1: it was like I wanted to have fun so bad,
34:41
Speaker 1: but I was like watching myself be like miserable. You
34:45
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I'm sure you've been there before.
34:48
Speaker 1: And it was like ten days in where I just
34:50
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, God, I'm letting go,
34:54
Speaker 1: like I'm fully surrendering because this is not working, Like
34:58
Speaker 1: I'm not having any fun, I can't get access to
35:01
Speaker 1: what I want. I don't like I'm not feeling good
35:04
Speaker 1: because mostly I'm just like beating myself up. And then
35:07
Speaker 1: I was like, we're just gonna go with the flow.
35:09
Speaker 1: I ended up staying up late, drinking, eating, walking fifteen
35:13
Speaker 1: miles a day for real, because that's what you do
35:15
Speaker 1: in Europe. And I came home nothing changed, Like I
35:19
Speaker 1: didn't gain any weight, I felt incredible, felt like I
35:22
Speaker 1: looked better, and it was just a moment of like, Wow,
35:26
Speaker 1: we totally imprison ourselves with our rituals. So rituals and
35:31
Speaker 1: discipline are some of the most beautiful, amazing grounding, like
35:36
Speaker 1: we'll just let you soar in life. I think their freedom,
35:40
Speaker 1: but they can also be your prison if you don't
35:43
Speaker 1: recognize the fine line between when it's helping you and
35:47
Speaker 1: when it's actually stopping you from living. And I don't
35:50
Speaker 1: know how to tell people to get to that place.
35:52
Speaker 1: I don't know how to tell besides booking a month
35:55
Speaker 1: long trip with people who make you do things you
35:57
Speaker 1: don't want to do, I don't know. Well.
35:59
Speaker 3: I mentioned also the parallel between that situation and accomplishments.
36:04
Speaker 2: So let's let's talk about that for just a second here.
36:07
Speaker 3: I mean, obviously you're hinting at that if we're always
36:10
Speaker 3: striving for the next big accomplishment, then we're going to
36:12
Speaker 3: lose purpose or perhaps like some enjoyment in that journey.
36:16
Speaker 1: Right, Look, this is such a great question because I
36:18
Speaker 1: know I feel like even just talking to you, like
36:20
Speaker 1: I know that you are probably a very driven person
36:23
Speaker 1: who likes reaching accomplishments and doing things and having new experiences,
36:29
Speaker 1: and I I think that is so important. Like I
36:35
Speaker 1: I want to do and see and try and be
36:39
Speaker 1: everything that I possibly can, like till the wheels fall off,
36:42
Speaker 1: Like I just I will be ninety like, what's the
36:44
Speaker 1: next accomplishment that I want to do? And I also
36:48
Speaker 1: want to back it up and just say like, are
36:51
Speaker 1: you enjoying the journey? And if you are not, you know,
36:56
Speaker 1: and you have to consciously choose to enjoy it, because
37:00
Speaker 1: I will tell you I'm doing the dreamiest thing of
37:02
Speaker 1: my life right now, and it's the scariest thing of
37:04
Speaker 1: my life as well. And also, every day I could
37:08
Speaker 1: be like this is hard, this sucks, oh my god,
37:12
Speaker 1: this went wrong, and instead it's like, oh my gosh,
37:15
Speaker 1: this is new. I get to do new things every day. Okay,
37:19
Speaker 1: this is so cool. Okay, I just got rejected in
37:21
Speaker 1: a new way. That's interesting. What can I learn from this? Okay? Awesome,
37:25
Speaker 1: you know, And just enjoying the fact that I've come
37:29
Speaker 1: to realize that we can either do a lot of
37:31
Speaker 1: the same and feel safe and miserable, or we can
37:38
Speaker 1: do different things every day and be extremely challenged. But
37:40
Speaker 1: at least it's a different emotion that we can appreciate
37:43
Speaker 1: more that expands us and actually offers us some reward.
37:47
Speaker 1: Maybe not in that day, but you'll end up feeling
37:49
Speaker 1: like this beautiful sense of expansion and like you'll see
37:55
Speaker 1: life from an even more beautiful, like rich standpoint, Like
37:59
Speaker 1: it's the most beautiful thing to expand when you can
38:02
Speaker 1: appreciate the hard stuff. But back to you know, if
38:05
Speaker 1: you're just trying to get to that accomplishment that lasts
38:09
Speaker 1: a day, like when you when you reach your finish lines,
38:12
Speaker 1: like when you're doing your races, you're like, wow, okay,
38:16
Speaker 1: it's over now, and now is like brunch Okay, great,
38:20
Speaker 1: Like enjoy the brunch and enjoy all the things. But
38:23
Speaker 1: like it was not it was the training. It was
38:24
Speaker 1: all the downloads you got during all those long runs.
38:27
Speaker 1: It was like when you pushed through that extra long
38:30
Speaker 1: run and you did it, and you're like, I'm so
38:32
Speaker 1: proud of myself, and here's what I learned. It's all
38:36
Speaker 1: of that like info and data and everything that you
38:38
Speaker 1: get on the journey, and you have to you have
38:42
Speaker 1: to consciously make it a practice every morning and every
38:46
Speaker 1: day and be grateful for things that you're like, why
38:49
Speaker 1: would I be grateful for that? Like consciously getting grateful
38:52
Speaker 1: for all of these new things that are coming into
38:54
Speaker 1: your realm, even if they're super challenging. Because I just
38:57
Speaker 1: my husband and I talk about this all the time.
38:59
Speaker 1: I just don't I think there's a middle. I don't
39:01
Speaker 1: think there's like a you know, I'm gonna sit back
39:03
Speaker 1: and I'm going to go to Italy and enjoy my life,
39:05
Speaker 1: or I'm gonna stay home and feel safe and this
39:07
Speaker 1: is going to be great and I'm going to be
39:09
Speaker 1: so present and just make sure I enjoy every second.
39:12
Speaker 1: Like I've done that, Like I've tried. I took like
39:14
Speaker 1: a year where I was like, I'm gonna like do
39:16
Speaker 1: less and it was really awesome. And I'm an idea
39:21
Speaker 1: If you are an idea machine and you love to create,
39:24
Speaker 1: it's like I wasn't super happy not creating. It's like
39:29
Speaker 1: this is awesome, and I feel very relaxed, and now
39:32
Speaker 1: I want to go make something, or now I want
39:33
Speaker 1: to go connect with that person and create something or
39:36
Speaker 1: do something bigger. And so I think you also just
39:39
Speaker 1: have to know what type of person you are. But yeah,
39:41
Speaker 1: I don't think that there's there's definitely an addiction to accomplishment,
39:45
Speaker 1: but there's also just like it's a practice to remind
39:48
Speaker 1: yourself to be grateful for the journey.
39:51
Speaker 3: Definitely, so for you, you become briefly addicted to the
39:56
Speaker 3: accomplishment of thriving and fitness competitions and then when do
40:02
Speaker 3: you decide, all right, it's time for me to get
40:04
Speaker 3: off the horse.
40:07
Speaker 1: Yeah. I So I competed for six years, and I
40:10
Speaker 1: think out of three and a half of those, I
40:12
Speaker 1: hadn't won anything, but my goal was always to place.
40:16
Speaker 1: And then at like year three and a half, this
40:19
Speaker 1: is really interesting, I started doing some personal development work
40:23
Speaker 1: and things just shifted for me. And I remember I
40:26
Speaker 1: was going in to compete at the two biggest competitions
40:29
Speaker 1: of the year. It was Fitness America and Fitness Universe,
40:31
Speaker 1: and they kind of like they're kind of like four
40:33
Speaker 1: months like in between each other, and I just felt different.
40:37
Speaker 1: I had started teaching people stage presence and like coaching them,
40:40
Speaker 1: and I started really like creating a community. I started
40:43
Speaker 1: really like giving back and stepping into my calling. And
40:47
Speaker 1: I have to share this story quick right before, because
40:50
Speaker 1: I do think there's a massive pivot of what happened.
40:52
Speaker 1: And I had always wanted to be an Oxygen magazine
40:56
Speaker 1: cover model, Like if you get it's kind of like
40:58
Speaker 1: that was kind of the thing you wanted to do
41:00
Speaker 1: if you were in fitness anywhere from six to ten
41:03
Speaker 1: to twenty years ago, and so I had Oxygen magazine
41:06
Speaker 1: covers up. And the reason I wanted to do that
41:07
Speaker 1: was because they inspired me. I would carry those things
41:09
Speaker 1: till they were like ragged in my gym bag. I
41:12
Speaker 1: would know everything about the girl on the cover. I
41:15
Speaker 1: would like, you know, try all of her stuff. I
41:17
Speaker 1: just like they inspired me beyond anything that I can
41:20
Speaker 1: tell you. And so I had this as my goal
41:24
Speaker 1: for this whole time competing and then before that, and
41:27
Speaker 1: they were always like You're not our girl, You're not
41:30
Speaker 1: our look whatever whatever it was, it just was not
41:32
Speaker 1: for them. And I was consistent. And so one day
41:36
Speaker 1: when I got another no, like it was a very
41:38
Speaker 1: firm like look like this is just you're just not it, like,
41:43
Speaker 1: you are not our look, it's not it's not going
41:46
Speaker 1: to be for you. And I was staring at the
41:49
Speaker 1: my vision board and I was in my room and
41:51
Speaker 1: I threw myself in the bed. I started bawling and
41:54
Speaker 1: I was like beating my like for real, I was
41:56
Speaker 1: a full on temper tantrum. I'm like beating my hands
41:58
Speaker 1: on the bed and like you know that like kind
42:00
Speaker 1: of crying where you just are like waiting for someone
42:02
Speaker 1: to come save you. And then you have the realization
42:04
Speaker 1: halfway through that you're just exhausted and no one's coming,
42:06
Speaker 1: and you're like, dang it, no one's listening. So you're
42:08
Speaker 1: like m And so I'm nearing the end of like
42:12
Speaker 1: my session, my crazy tantrum session, and I was like
42:19
Speaker 1: why do I want this? Like a question pops into
42:22
Speaker 1: my head and it was just like this moment of
42:23
Speaker 1: like why do I actually want this? And I was like,
42:26
Speaker 1: because I want to help people. I really want a
42:29
Speaker 1: community because I love like teaching, Like I love getting
42:33
Speaker 1: in front of people and like teaching them and like
42:36
Speaker 1: getting them to do things and empower them and get
42:38
Speaker 1: their body moving and like getting them to get out
42:40
Speaker 1: of their comfort zone. And I was like, why can't
42:43
Speaker 1: I do that without this? Like why can't I create
42:45
Speaker 1: this without it? And in that moment, I was like
42:48
Speaker 1: I got to cut out the middleman. It's literally what
42:51
Speaker 1: I thought. I was like, I don't need them, I'll
42:53
Speaker 1: just go and create this in my community. And that's
42:55
Speaker 1: what I did. I got like a studio space and
42:58
Speaker 1: started creating this community. And sometimes one person would show
43:02
Speaker 1: up on the weekends for these boot camps and these
43:04
Speaker 1: like you know, different posing sessions, or I was doing clinics,
43:07
Speaker 1: I was doing empowerment sessions, you name it. I was
43:09
Speaker 1: naming it a different name and just trying all these
43:12
Speaker 1: different things. Sometimes one person would show up, sometimes eight,
43:14
Speaker 1: sometimes fifty. So it just started to grow. And from
43:18
Speaker 1: there I just had this realization also that the magazine
43:23
Speaker 1: is a business and they want somebody who can help
43:26
Speaker 1: them sell their magazine as well. So I had started
43:29
Speaker 1: this community then that summer or that summer, I was
43:32
Speaker 1: going into it with kind of this community background, this
43:34
Speaker 1: idea that like, oh yeah, this is like this is
43:37
Speaker 1: a fitness is a business. They're not just looking for
43:39
Speaker 1: the next best, most beautiful girl with the best body
43:42
Speaker 1: at all, Like they need to make money too. Like
43:44
Speaker 1: everything kind of clicked. So I ended up going and
43:47
Speaker 1: competing at Fitness America and Fitness Universe and placing first
43:50
Speaker 1: in both of those, winning the whole competition. And that
43:53
Speaker 1: was like three and a half years to finally have
43:56
Speaker 1: it click and then I so that was freaking am
44:00
Speaker 1: But then the next year I was like, Okay, I
44:02
Speaker 1: didn't feel done with fitness yet because my dream had
44:05
Speaker 1: always been to do the exercise routine portion well, I didn't.
44:08
Speaker 1: I had never like danced, I was not in gymnastics.
44:11
Speaker 1: So I got a coach to help me do a
44:14
Speaker 1: fitness routine and so for the first time ever, like
44:18
Speaker 1: with no dance background, no gymnastic background, I did fitness
44:21
Speaker 1: routines for those two competitions. And then when I had
44:24
Speaker 1: accomplished that dream and just doing it, that's when the
44:28
Speaker 1: second time I stepped off the stage, because I had
44:30
Speaker 1: done it twice, like I felt like I got like
44:31
Speaker 1: a good flavor of this. I stepped off stage and
44:34
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm done.
44:37
Speaker 2: That's it.
44:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was it. And it's interesting because every part
44:40
Speaker 1: of me wanted to go back a few times because
44:42
Speaker 1: I was good at it, meaning just fitness in general.
44:46
Speaker 1: Because I knew that a new chapter was coming, it
44:48
Speaker 1: was scaring the crap. But I mean I didn't know
44:50
Speaker 1: what it was. I didn't know who I was without fitness,
44:52
Speaker 1: like I did not know, and so that was a
44:56
Speaker 1: really scary pivot as well. But that was the moment
45:00
Speaker 1: where it was like I know that if I go back, though,
45:03
Speaker 1: I'm going back to something that like the the energy
45:06
Speaker 1: was gone. I say this a lot about different things,
45:08
Speaker 1: like that particular chapter in my contract was over, and
45:12
Speaker 1: I know that if I oversay it will start to
45:14
Speaker 1: be toxic for me and I'll start to either resent
45:17
Speaker 1: the people in it, I'll start to show up differently.
45:20
Speaker 1: Whatever it is, I knew it in my gut, like,
45:23
Speaker 1: you can't go back to this no matter how much
45:25
Speaker 1: your ego wants to, because you could get attention for
45:28
Speaker 1: it again, or you could get that hit again, or
45:30
Speaker 1: you know whatever it is. Like some people thought I
45:32
Speaker 1: was literally crazy, and I was like, I just it
45:35
Speaker 1: was done, though, And I think when we know that
45:37
Speaker 1: if we don't leave, it does like it's like keeping
45:39
Speaker 1: an onion too long. It's gonna go real bad and
45:42
Speaker 1: you're gonna be sorry.
45:43
Speaker 2: For it, gonna be sorry for it.
45:46
Speaker 3: So all this to say that when you pivot out
45:49
Speaker 3: of fitness, you feel it in your gut that you
45:52
Speaker 3: have this other calling at the time. Do you know
45:54
Speaker 3: that it's that you want to help people work on
45:57
Speaker 3: their own self, love that journey for them.
46:00
Speaker 2: Where where are you at with that?
46:02
Speaker 1: Yeah? I had started doing personal development, so going to
46:04
Speaker 1: like uh, I started getting trained by Jack Canfield. So
46:08
Speaker 1: I went to a three week program with him. Like
46:10
Speaker 1: I was starting to get called to like doing these
46:12
Speaker 1: different workshops I was telling you about. I was liking
46:15
Speaker 1: the fitness part, but I was really loving watching the
46:18
Speaker 1: breakthroughs and I would just try like maybe these little
46:21
Speaker 1: exercises or writing exercises with them, you know, journal prompts
46:25
Speaker 1: and things like that that I had been learning through
46:27
Speaker 1: books and through like you know, youtubes or videos or whatever,
46:32
Speaker 1: and so I would just practice it and that became
46:33
Speaker 1: something that I was like, oh my god, I love this,
46:36
Speaker 1: Like I wanted to do that way more than I
46:37
Speaker 1: wanted to run a boot camp. So I went and
46:41
Speaker 1: signed up with something called Train the Trainer that Jack
46:43
Speaker 1: Canfield was putting on. It came in an email and
46:45
Speaker 1: I was like, what is this? Like, you know, it's
46:47
Speaker 1: like when you're when you're seeking something like that's when
46:50
Speaker 1: your teacher will come like it truly, like that's when
46:53
Speaker 1: it just showed up in my email. And it was like, Okay,
46:55
Speaker 1: if you want to be a trainer, you know, personal development,
46:56
Speaker 1: you're going to learn how to run events, do meditation,
47:00
Speaker 1: like all of these different things. So I went for
47:01
Speaker 1: three weeks to the most intense like training ever, which
47:06
Speaker 1: was incredible. But that's when I really started to transition
47:09
Speaker 1: into personal development and knew that I wanted to put
47:11
Speaker 1: on events is because I was going to all these
47:13
Speaker 1: different events as doing Tony Robbins. I went to Landmark,
47:16
Speaker 1: I went to all these different spiritual retreats, and I
47:19
Speaker 1: just couldn't deny like I was a different person, Like
47:22
Speaker 1: I couldn't even it was hard for me to identify
47:25
Speaker 1: with the old me because I just felt like it
47:28
Speaker 1: was so unbelievable how in these different weekends you could
47:32
Speaker 1: decide to be different. And that just blew my mind,
47:36
Speaker 1: like you really, we really have a choice. And so
47:39
Speaker 1: I also knew with my background, I was like, just
47:42
Speaker 1: with where I come from and like what I've believed,
47:44
Speaker 1: I'm like, I it's not like I'm just like, oh,
47:46
Speaker 1: I you know, my life wasn't bad. And I figured
47:49
Speaker 1: out not that my life was bad, it was just
47:50
Speaker 1: so different. It was so different and my beliefs were
47:53
Speaker 1: so different. So I wanted to show people that, like
47:56
Speaker 1: if I could come from this small town with these
47:59
Speaker 1: different religious belief so ingrained in me with not going
48:02
Speaker 1: to college, not finishing high school, like you can absolutely
48:06
Speaker 1: do this. It's just like who are we surrounding ourselves
48:08
Speaker 1: with and what are we believing.
48:09
Speaker 3: In that process of coming into this understanding, I'm sure
48:14
Speaker 3: you had to kind of do a pause and evaluate
48:17
Speaker 3: of who you had been surrounding yourself with and maybe
48:20
Speaker 3: even the way that you all spoke to each other,
48:23
Speaker 3: or perhaps like their opinions of you.
48:25
Speaker 2: I would imagine as you got.
48:26
Speaker 3: More into this work, the people that you had been
48:29
Speaker 3: hanging out with may have had an opinion about it.
48:33
Speaker 1: I'm laughing, because yes, they had a lot of opinions
48:35
Speaker 1: about how did you deal with that? I mean it
48:38
Speaker 1: was different points at different times, you know, it was
48:40
Speaker 1: different different people at different times. So I had already
48:44
Speaker 1: kind of dealt with one of the biggest ones, which
48:46
Speaker 1: was disappointing my family, which was the hardest one. So
48:49
Speaker 1: I think if getting that one under my belt was
48:51
Speaker 1: kind of like, Okay, I've been here before. Not that
48:54
Speaker 1: it was easy, but you know, when I was doing
48:57
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think even when I was I was
48:58
Speaker 1: working at a hair salon actually doing front desk reception work,
49:04
Speaker 1: and I it was for a year, and it was
49:07
Speaker 1: the first year though when I started competing, So it
49:09
Speaker 1: was like kind of when I had to start bringing
49:11
Speaker 1: like the tupperware containers to work, you know, and I
49:14
Speaker 1: had made friends with a bunch of girls, and it
49:17
Speaker 1: was like the first, you know, friends that I made
49:19
Speaker 1: in this area because we had just moved to Milwaukee
49:21
Speaker 1: area Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and I started shifting. So when I
49:26
Speaker 1: first met them, we were going out. We were doing
49:28
Speaker 1: like happy hours and going out on you know, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
49:32
Speaker 1: like hanging out with all these friends. I was like, Oh,
49:33
Speaker 1: this is amazing. I have all these friends, but I
49:35
Speaker 1: don't feel great and this is not really aligning with
49:37
Speaker 1: my goals. And I end up, you know, saying, hey,
49:40
Speaker 1: I'm doing this fitness competition and you know, I'm not
49:43
Speaker 1: gonna go out with you guys as much and whatever
49:45
Speaker 1: that looked like. And I remember they literally gave me
49:48
Speaker 1: so much crap every day and it was like, oh, Nope,
49:51
Speaker 1: she can't go out with us because she thinks she's
49:53
Speaker 1: better than us, or oh she wants to look this way,
49:56
Speaker 1: but it's not gonna happen, like straight up the craziest
50:00
Speaker 1: things you could possibly. It wasn't everyone, but it definitely
50:03
Speaker 1: was like a bunch of It was like high school.
50:06
Speaker 1: I had this moment of like, oh my god, I
50:08
Speaker 1: literally have to just let this be okay, and I
50:12
Speaker 1: have to start, you know, focusing on how I can
50:14
Speaker 1: spend more time with this other fitness group. And there
50:17
Speaker 1: was Facebook groups that I accessed all the time. I
50:20
Speaker 1: would book phone calls with people from my fitness team.
50:22
Speaker 1: I would try to get together with people who were
50:25
Speaker 1: in that community or people that I would just reach
50:27
Speaker 1: out to. And that's really when I started to learn
50:29
Speaker 1: the power of let just like cold outreach of people
50:33
Speaker 1: that you literally don't know. So Facebook just no, oh
50:36
Speaker 1: my god. MySpace was around at this time, and then
50:40
Speaker 1: I think Facebook had just started, and I was just
50:43
Speaker 1: looking for people in the area who had like competed
50:46
Speaker 1: at these different shows. So I would message these different
50:49
Speaker 1: girls and be like, would you ever want to work out?
50:51
Speaker 1: Would you ever want to like, you know, whatever this
50:53
Speaker 1: looks like. And that's when I started making friends and
50:56
Speaker 1: learning how to find friends who can support you specifically
50:59
Speaker 1: in these areas is and then when the personal development
51:02
Speaker 1: things came, and then when even just where I'm at
51:04
Speaker 1: right now with I mean, I can think of everything
51:06
Speaker 1: when I wanted to do events, when I wanted to
51:08
Speaker 1: write a book, when I you know, wanted to start
51:09
Speaker 1: a company, like I switched my network, and I didn't
51:13
Speaker 1: say goodbye to the old network necessarily. It just depends
51:16
Speaker 1: I switched the network to who I was spending the
51:20
Speaker 1: most time with. I made them the people I spent
51:23
Speaker 1: the most time with, if you know, the ones that
51:25
Speaker 1: I wanted to like learn about in the industry that
51:28
Speaker 1: I wanted to go into.
51:30
Speaker 3: In this process of you coming completely into who you
51:34
Speaker 3: are and gaining an appreciation for that and accepting that
51:38
Speaker 3: and owning that, I mean, it's not easy, right, So
51:42
Speaker 3: for someone who feels a little inhibited or reserved about
51:49
Speaker 3: owning their full self, what advice.
51:52
Speaker 1: Do you have for them? You know, I always think
51:55
Speaker 1: about focus on a bigger problem. I know that sounds crazy,
52:00
Speaker 1: but it's just the truth. Like if you're focused on
52:02
Speaker 1: what people are going to think of you, or if
52:03
Speaker 1: you're focused on, you know, judgment. I always just focus
52:07
Speaker 1: on the end of my life and what's going to
52:09
Speaker 1: happen if I don't do this thing, and I focus
52:12
Speaker 1: on how I'm going to feel. I do a lot
52:15
Speaker 1: of visualizing and thinking about what is this going to
52:18
Speaker 1: look like in one year and what is this going
52:20
Speaker 1: to look like in five years? If I don't do
52:22
Speaker 1: these things? And I'll sit in that. I'll actually let
52:24
Speaker 1: it get so real and I'll play that visualization all
52:29
Speaker 1: the way down to the road of like how am
52:31
Speaker 1: I going to feel around my husband?
52:34
Speaker 3: Like?
52:34
Speaker 1: Am I going to resent him? Am I going to
52:35
Speaker 1: start blaming him for things that I didn't do? How
52:38
Speaker 1: am I going to feel around my family? How is
52:40
Speaker 1: this going to show up in my friends? How is
52:42
Speaker 1: this going to show up? Like just with how I
52:45
Speaker 1: am am treating people? And that's the bigger problem. The
52:49
Speaker 1: bigger problem is if you don't do it and you're
52:51
Speaker 1: just not focusing on that enough because you're you're honing
52:54
Speaker 1: in on the judgment or the worry of you know,
52:58
Speaker 1: what is your mom going to say for that hour
53:00
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. It's like, okay, well, what if
53:02
Speaker 1: you break it to your loved ones or or say
53:05
Speaker 1: the things that you need or tell them the boundary
53:07
Speaker 1: and then you start the conversation that moves in a
53:10
Speaker 1: more positive direction. I'll tell you it is not fun.
53:12
Speaker 1: It's not fun to have those conversations. In fact, it's
53:16
Speaker 1: the worst thing ever, Like it's but here's how the
53:20
Speaker 1: experience goes. It's like a tidal wave, like but it's
53:23
Speaker 1: just like one, every conversation is a title wave. It's coming.
53:26
Speaker 1: It's gonna suck, it's gonna have a peak. You're gonna
53:29
Speaker 1: feel like you want to cry. Every emotion is gonna
53:31
Speaker 1: come up from your pinky toes and it's gonna just
53:34
Speaker 1: like feel like it's going to consume you. And all
53:36
Speaker 1: of a sudden, you're gonna say the thing that you
53:38
Speaker 1: will have thought to say in a loving way, but
53:41
Speaker 1: you're gonna say your truth and then it's gonna be
53:43
Speaker 1: out and it like washes over you. It's like it
53:46
Speaker 1: reaches a peak and it does go down. It's it's
53:49
Speaker 1: like it spikes and then it goes down. So I
53:52
Speaker 1: think what we think is we're going to stay on
53:54
Speaker 1: that spike the whole time. And the weird thing is
53:56
Speaker 1: is that there's peace and tranquil after you speak your truth,
54:02
Speaker 1: Like there is a moment of such freedom on the
54:05
Speaker 1: other side that it's like I pray for you to
54:08
Speaker 1: go on that spike, like I pray for that tidal
54:10
Speaker 1: wave to come for you, because you will have freedom
54:12
Speaker 1: and peace on the other side. Like you can't even imagine,
54:14
Speaker 1: Like you can't even believe you lived that long without
54:18
Speaker 1: speaking your truth. Or putting a boundary because that's how
54:21
Speaker 1: free it is after you face the thing. So it's
54:24
Speaker 1: like it's not going to feel In fact, I want
54:26
Speaker 1: to run every time, like I actually physically have the
54:29
Speaker 1: feeling of like run out of the house, like go away.
54:32
Speaker 1: Anything would be better than this right now, like anything.
54:35
Speaker 1: And that's when you just have to like sit in it,
54:37
Speaker 1: let yourself cry if it comes up, and be like
54:39
Speaker 1: I'm emotional and I'm shaking, or maybe I'm not acting
54:42
Speaker 1: the way that I want to act through this conversation
54:44
Speaker 1: because it means so much to me because I'm so
54:46
Speaker 1: worried about losing you as a friend or we're you know,
54:49
Speaker 1: upsetting you as a parent or whatever that is. But
54:51
Speaker 1: it's it's never about them, It's about you.
54:55
Speaker 2: It's about you.
54:56
Speaker 3: So I mean, at the top of this podcast, I
54:59
Speaker 3: talked about all all of the different things that you
55:01
Speaker 3: have your hands in, including your own podcast, or you're
55:04
Speaker 3: happy you've been doing it for a minute now if
55:06
Speaker 3: you were to reflect on you know, your time hosting
55:10
Speaker 3: or you're happy.
55:11
Speaker 2: Is there any I would say?
55:14
Speaker 3: And I know it's hard as someone who asks like
55:16
Speaker 3: I get asked this all the time, but like one
55:18
Speaker 3: of the biggest takeaways that you have from this experience
55:20
Speaker 3: because I know that having dipped your toe into so
55:23
Speaker 3: many different forms of communicating with your audience, that at
55:27
Speaker 3: least right now, this seems.
55:28
Speaker 2: To be the one that you're really enjoying the most.
55:31
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, it has taught me that relationships are everything,
55:35
Speaker 1: and you don't have to be great at it. You
55:37
Speaker 1: can be the best listener and you're going to get
55:39
Speaker 1: just as much as the person who just you feel
55:42
Speaker 1: like adds a ton of value, Like listening is one
55:45
Speaker 1: of the most valuable things ever, and we don't have
55:47
Speaker 1: to get our value from the belief that we have
55:50
Speaker 1: to be valuable or interesting, Like you can actually just
55:54
Speaker 1: sit and listen and sit with someone on their journey
55:58
Speaker 1: and be interested and make incredible life changing relationships that
56:03
Speaker 1: will rock your world. Like everything good in my life
56:06
Speaker 1: has come from the podcast otherwise known as relationships, like
56:10
Speaker 1: everything I Can't Eat, like my book deals, my like
56:14
Speaker 1: different investors, like different best friends, like travel like ideas.
56:18
Speaker 1: It is majority of them have come by way or
56:21
Speaker 1: somehow I could probably trace them back to me podcasting
56:25
Speaker 1: or listening to a podcast or something like that.
56:28
Speaker 3: So I was once in a I was in a
56:31
Speaker 3: personal development workshop a couple of weeks ago and one
56:34
Speaker 3: of the men said something that I feel like I've
56:36
Speaker 3: heard before, but for some reason, in this time, in
56:38
Speaker 3: this moment, he said to me that you learn by listening,
56:42
Speaker 3: you don't learn by speaking.
56:44
Speaker 2: And I've heard it before, but.
56:45
Speaker 3: Like as someone who's often listening to other people such
56:48
Speaker 3: as you, it was one of those moments that I
56:51
Speaker 3: was like, hmm, yeah, exactly, exactly, totally.
56:57
Speaker 2: I know, same, totally.
56:59
Speaker 3: So right now, when you, if I was to go
57:02
Speaker 3: to your Instagram feed, I would see a woman with
57:05
Speaker 3: all of these hot.
57:06
Speaker 2: Accolades that I listed again at the top of this.
57:09
Speaker 3: Show, also like a beautiful woman living what seems to
57:12
Speaker 3: be a quite the fulfilled life, thriving, thriving. When you
57:17
Speaker 3: look in the mirror, what is it that you see
57:19
Speaker 3: looking back at you.
57:20
Speaker 1: I'm just talking about this. I'm gonna be totally honest
57:23
Speaker 1: right now, Like I still like and I really I'm grateful,
57:27
Speaker 1: Like I'm so grateful for everything, and I'm actually so
57:30
Speaker 1: proud of myself. I say that all the time. That's
57:32
Speaker 1: a very like a very powerful mantra for me, and
57:35
Speaker 1: I'm using it all the time. Because I'm scared a
57:37
Speaker 1: lot right now, meaning I'm just I'm brand I am
57:41
Speaker 1: so in a new space, you guys, that it's it's
57:44
Speaker 1: literally rocking my world. Like there is not a day
57:47
Speaker 1: that goes by where I'm not doing ninety percent new,
57:50
Speaker 1: challenging things. So you can imagine that's like it's exhausting.
57:54
Speaker 1: I don't get to go on autopilot. It's very rare,
57:56
Speaker 1: So that's like really tiring. This is like it's powerful
58:02
Speaker 1: and it's tiring. And I'm telling you this because like
58:05
Speaker 1: I'm looking in the mirror and saying, I'm so proud
58:07
Speaker 1: of you, and also like, oh, but you know, I'm
58:11
Speaker 1: snacking more and I'm not eating as good and I
58:13
Speaker 1: wish like I have a standard over here that's not
58:16
Speaker 1: being met, and you know, I wish I could spend
58:18
Speaker 1: more time with this girlfriend, and oh my gosh, what
58:20
Speaker 1: does my family think of me? And am I present
58:22
Speaker 1: enough for them? And you know, all of the things
58:25
Speaker 1: that we it doesn't go away. It's it's I think
58:28
Speaker 1: we just manage the buckets, ten different buckets going on
58:32
Speaker 1: at all times, and it's like, yes, you'd look and
58:35
Speaker 1: right now I'm doing really great in the business, bucket
58:37
Speaker 1: I am because a lot of my focus is going there.
58:39
Speaker 1: But I'm not feeling great in other buckets and they're good.
58:43
Speaker 1: They're good now at least I've gotten most of them
58:45
Speaker 1: to good and and I think that's what I have
58:48
Speaker 1: to I not have to. I'm trying so hard to
58:51
Speaker 1: remind myself like they're not always going to be like great.
58:56
Speaker 1: Everything has a season, and it's just remembering to look
59:01
Speaker 1: at each one and saying which one is really important
59:03
Speaker 1: to you and like, Okay, that one is going to
59:05
Speaker 1: have a season coming up. I have plans to be
59:08
Speaker 1: like really dropped in with family over the next month. Okay,
59:10
Speaker 1: that's great, and then I can go back over here,
59:13
Speaker 1: you know, and do some different things. But that's been
59:15
Speaker 1: powerful for me just to remember, like, man, we are
59:18
Speaker 1: not not going to feel great in all arenas, but
59:21
Speaker 1: we can feel good and we can be proud. And
59:24
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to really focus on just making sure
59:26
Speaker 1: that I I feel proud of most all of it.
59:32
Speaker 2: So what you're saying is you see a woman holding
59:34
Speaker 2: like six different buckets when.
59:36
Speaker 3: You look in the miror I just can I ask
59:40
Speaker 3: you how your relationship is with your family now?
59:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's way better. I think we're really really I
59:45
Speaker 1: would say that we are really good. It's it's a
59:47
Speaker 1: work in progress all the time, yeah, all the time,
59:50
Speaker 1: but we definitely I would say probably around probably eight
59:55
Speaker 1: years ago when I went to Landmark Forum, there was
59:57
Speaker 1: actually a part of this program. It's a personal development
1:00:01
Speaker 1: program if you don't know what it is. I had
1:00:02
Speaker 1: no idea what I was getting myself into. But on
1:00:05
Speaker 1: like day two, they're like, okay, write down like the conversation,
1:00:08
Speaker 1: like the biggest conversation you need to have, and the
1:00:10
Speaker 1: biggest truth you need to tell, something like that. And
1:00:13
Speaker 1: so I write everything down right because I'm just thinking
1:00:15
Speaker 1: I'm just going to share it with like a neighbor.
1:00:17
Speaker 1: And I'm like, great, I'm already sharing things. This is wonderful.
1:00:20
Speaker 1: I didn't think they were actually going to make me
1:00:22
Speaker 1: go do it. So I write down that I need
1:00:24
Speaker 1: to have this honest conversation with my parents, like and
1:00:27
Speaker 1: I write down the conversation that I need to have,
1:00:30
Speaker 1: and they're like, Okay, we're going on break and you're
1:00:32
Speaker 1: not allowed back in the room until you've called these
1:00:34
Speaker 1: people and you've gotten a hold of them and you've
1:00:36
Speaker 1: taken care of this thing, and I was like, I mean,
1:00:40
Speaker 1: I was pissed so and I took it serious. I
1:00:44
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I have to do this thing.
1:00:46
Speaker 1: So I ended up calling them and bawling and having
1:00:48
Speaker 1: this like hour long conversation with my parents in my
1:00:51
Speaker 1: car about all of the things about all of my
1:00:53
Speaker 1: life and all of the ways that I felt, and
1:00:56
Speaker 1: that was the opening. It didn't go great, but it
1:00:58
Speaker 1: was an opening and they were really up said, at
1:01:01
Speaker 1: least my mom was really upset, is what I remember.
1:01:03
Speaker 1: And I said, you know, I wouldn't have even told
1:01:05
Speaker 1: you this if I didn't. Here's the key, you guys,
1:01:08
Speaker 1: if you're gonna have a tough conversation, tell them what
1:01:10
Speaker 1: you ultimately want and tell them truthfully. I said, I
1:01:13
Speaker 1: would never even had this conversation with you if I
1:01:15
Speaker 1: didn't want a real, loving, long term, like deep connected
1:01:21
Speaker 1: relationship with you. And I think that changed everything. So
1:01:25
Speaker 1: it's just remembering, go in with the feeling of the
1:01:29
Speaker 1: intention that you want, and then speak the intention that
1:01:32
Speaker 1: you want so that they know. And I think it
1:01:33
Speaker 1: creates like a safety bubble around everything that's being said
1:01:37
Speaker 1: because you're only saying it to clear the air and
1:01:39
Speaker 1: You're only saying it because you ultimately want to get
1:01:42
Speaker 1: to the truth of your relationship where it can be
1:01:44
Speaker 1: real and it's not based on like me being a
1:01:47
Speaker 1: different person because I'm afraid if they find out who
1:01:49
Speaker 1: I really am, or me feeling like I can't be
1:01:51
Speaker 1: myself because they won't accept me. That wasn't a relationship
1:01:55
Speaker 1: to me.
1:01:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, for someone who specialized is in self love and
1:02:01
Speaker 3: personal development work, for someone who's struggling to really feel
1:02:06
Speaker 3: invested in themselves, to love themselves, what would you say
1:02:10
Speaker 3: is one thing that they could do tomorrow to work
1:02:14
Speaker 3: on that.
1:02:15
Speaker 1: This can go so many ways. So I want to
1:02:17
Speaker 1: say a couple things, like, sometimes self love means finishing something,
1:02:21
Speaker 1: because for me, that's what it meant. Like sometimes it
1:02:24
Speaker 1: was like make yourself proud, don't quit on yourself again,
1:02:27
Speaker 1: Like don't do this. You deserve so much better. So
1:02:30
Speaker 1: sometimes it can be like following through on an action
1:02:33
Speaker 1: you want to do that could even be fun. Like
1:02:35
Speaker 1: it can be like, oh my gosh, I have been
1:02:37
Speaker 1: wanting to go take a dance lesson in so long
1:02:40
Speaker 1: and I haven't been doing it because because you're just
1:02:43
Speaker 1: not making time for it or whatever. The reason is,
1:02:46
Speaker 1: but it's telling your brain you don't deserve it, like
1:02:48
Speaker 1: you don't deserve to go and do the things that
1:02:49
Speaker 1: you want to do, or you don't deserve to have fun,
1:02:52
Speaker 1: or you don't deserve to be around those people, or
1:02:54
Speaker 1: you don't deserve to shop at that place. Whatever that
1:02:56
Speaker 1: thing is, like, start practicing because it's it's so different
1:03:00
Speaker 1: for everyone. It can come in completely different forms. And
1:03:02
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that it will change throughout your life
1:03:04
Speaker 1: of what that means. But what can you give yourself
1:03:08
Speaker 1: right now that can either make you proud or can
1:03:11
Speaker 1: just make you feel better or more like you? So
1:03:15
Speaker 1: that might be like self love could come in the
1:03:17
Speaker 1: form of fun, like I sometimes action or activity, and
1:03:20
Speaker 1: like fun for me is the best form of self
1:03:22
Speaker 1: love because I feel like me when I'm doing it.
1:03:24
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's going and like having a glass of wine
1:03:26
Speaker 1: with that friend that I make laugh the whole time,
1:03:28
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, oh God, that's right, I am funny.
1:03:31
Speaker 1: No one else has been laughing, but she does. So
1:03:34
Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's different with all things,
1:03:36
Speaker 1: But how can you get those little moments more often?
1:03:39
Speaker 1: And that's what I try to focus on all.
1:03:42
Speaker 2: Right, Laurie.
1:03:43
Speaker 3: Right now, you have an opportunity to offer yourself a
1:03:47
Speaker 3: piece of advice. Let's go between ages eighteen and twenty two,
1:03:52
Speaker 3: when you are as you articulated, perhaps in that near
1:03:57
Speaker 3: rock bottom place, a collection of moments that are aligning
1:04:03
Speaker 3: with rock bottom. Right now, you, as you are today,
1:04:05
Speaker 3: have an opportunity to offer that Laurie a piece of advice.
1:04:09
Speaker 2: What do you tell her?
1:04:11
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I literally the first thing is because
1:04:14
Speaker 1: I was so afraid of everything and it has so
1:04:15
Speaker 1: much anxiety. It was like run towards it, go bigger,
1:04:19
Speaker 1: do the scary thing, because you're not going to die,
1:04:21
Speaker 1: Like I would have just told her that, Like, you
1:04:22
Speaker 1: won't die. You might feel like you're gonna have a
1:04:24
Speaker 1: heart attack and pass out and people are gonna hate you,
1:04:27
Speaker 1: or you won't be accepted, but like you'll make it through.
1:04:29
Speaker 1: Like none of it can take you down. You are
1:04:32
Speaker 1: protected by something so much bigger full faith, Like use
1:04:36
Speaker 1: your faith because that is like I love that quote.
1:04:38
Speaker 1: Faith begins where your skill set ends. Go in full faith,
1:04:41
Speaker 1: do the thing like lean in. That's what I would.
1:04:43
Speaker 3: Say, Go in full faith. Laurie Harder, Thank you so
1:04:46
Speaker 3: much for your time today, I'm so grateful that you
1:04:48
Speaker 3: went on your journey so that you can share your
1:04:50
Speaker 3: journey with all of us, and you're encouraging me to, like,
1:04:53
Speaker 3: at least take I don't know, three to six seminars with.
1:04:55
Speaker 2: This within the next two to three month period.
1:05:00
Speaker 1: That's awesome. Thank you so much for having me. I'm
1:05:02
Speaker 1: so grateful. This was so much fun, Laura.
1:05:05
Speaker 2: How do the hurdlers keep up with you? How do
1:05:07
Speaker 2: they follow along with you? Give me all the details?
1:05:09
Speaker 1: Oh man, I mean I'm on Instagram at Lori Harder
1:05:13
Speaker 1: and my new company is at drink Light Pink, so
1:05:17
Speaker 1: we're doing just a lot of really fun stuff over there.
1:05:20
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Podcasting is earned your happy and girlfriends in business.
1:05:23
Speaker 2: You're happy and girlfriends in business. Thank you so much.
1:05:26
Speaker 3: I'm over at Emily Abodi and at Hurdle Podcast. Another
1:05:30
Speaker 3: hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.