Latest / Unfiltered: Dare to Level Up / Lynn Zielasko Unfiltered — Episode 3: From the Jungle to the Pod: Tiffany Fry’s Unfiltered Rebirth

Transcript

Lynn Zielasko Unfiltered — Episode 3: From the Jungle to the Pod: Tiffany Fry’s Unfiltered Rebirth · Unfiltered: Dare to Level Up

0:03
Speaker0: Welcome to unfiltered dare to level up with Lynn Zalasco.
0:07
Speaker0: We have real conversations about addiction, recovery, trauma,
0:10
Speaker0: mindset, relationships, business and leadership and what it truly takes.
0:51
Speaker0: We have Tiffany Fry come and talking with us today.
0:57
Speaker0: And I see you. I see a lot of you.
1:02
Speaker0: And you're here and you're there and you're in the gym and you're in the jail,
1:08
Speaker0: and you're on a mission right now. And I feel like,
1:14
Speaker0: it's a big one. And I want to hear all about it because I've heard bits and
1:21
Speaker0: pieces of Tiffany Fry's previous life.
1:26
Speaker0: And I want to hear what that transformation has looked like.
1:33
Speaker1: This is a totally different person today. Crazy talking about me.
1:40
Speaker1: Honestly.
1:42
Speaker0: Where were you at 10 years ago what did Tiffany's life look like 10 years ago well.
1:52
Speaker1: 2016. I was having a child. No, 2000.
2:03
Speaker1: I was running the streets from trap house to trap house
2:10
Speaker1: with a child, my youngest son and my oldest son.
2:17
Speaker1: Trying to learn how to live. My oldest son right now, Keegan,
2:21
Speaker1: he's 25, and my youngest is 19. He's about to be 20.
2:28
Speaker1: And I've always been just running, running, running.
2:32
Speaker0: What were you running from?
2:33
Speaker1: I honestly, when I think about it, when I think about it, I honestly can't tell
2:38
Speaker1: you exactly where I was in 2016.
2:42
Speaker1: That's how bad my life was.
2:45
Speaker1: Period. I want to say I lived at Housing Hope, but that's not true.
2:53
Speaker1: Now that I think about it, my life was so unmanageable and so crazy.
3:00
Speaker1: I didn't even know
3:03
Speaker1: shit, really. Like my kids, I tried to make sure my kids, whenever I had them,
3:11
Speaker1: both in my care, like my son, after my mom died, my son was always
3:18
Speaker1: so like independent. So like he would find me no matter what trap I was in or anything.
3:23
Speaker1: And then when I was running and gunning and doing all the things I was doing,
3:27
Speaker1: like I was always making sure like as best as I could
3:30
Speaker1: that there was food or roof over their house or whether we lived in a van or
3:35
Speaker1: in a trap house or in a compound or on the streets, you know what I mean,
3:39
Speaker1: or other people's couches or garages.
3:42
Speaker1: It didn't even matter. I tried to make sure that they had as much as I could
3:46
Speaker1: give for them, but I was so addicted to dope in that life that I didn't even care, really.
3:51
Speaker0: When did you start using drugs?
3:54
Speaker1: Probably the age of 12. 12
3:57
Speaker0: What did that look like at 12.
3:59
Speaker1: At 12 years old it was um
4:02
Speaker1: my uncles and everybody were cool always partying at the house having these
4:06
Speaker1: big huge get-togethers for conventions and all the things and and uh and so
4:12
Speaker1: it was nothing for me to grab uh
4:14
Speaker1: some weed and some drink you know what i mean and and they wouldn't even notice
4:20
Speaker1: so i was already smoking you know by the time i got back in my mom's care,
4:25
Speaker1: because at 12, I was probably moving back from Oregon.
4:30
Speaker1: My mom had sent me away for some years, because she felt like she had failed
4:35
Speaker1: as a mom, because of the situation that had happened to me.
4:40
Speaker1: So she sent me away, and so by the time I got to Quilstein, it was when I picked up.
4:47
Speaker0: And it just kept getting worse.
4:51
Speaker1: Oh, yeah. My mom threw so many parties at conventions and so many parties on
4:56
Speaker1: the properties and stuff.
4:57
Speaker1: We always had, like, in the pantry in the top shelf, would always have just
5:01
Speaker1: gallons of vodka, always.
5:03
Speaker1: So she could make big spodies and these drinks and stuff that she would make,
5:09
Speaker1: you know, for her parties.
5:10
Speaker1: Because she ran science fiction conventions my whole life. And,
5:12
Speaker1: like, so she was more focused, like, on work and being a single mom and all the things.
5:18
Speaker1: But then there would always be the alcohol. There would always be the guys and
5:22
Speaker1: all the parties, you know, and everybody doing their whole thing.
5:27
Speaker1: The only time they even recognized me is, like, to yell at me,
5:31
Speaker1: you know, to clean up, to do chores or something. And I would always be like, I'll do it later.
5:35
Speaker1: And, like, my mom was always gone, so she would depend on other people to raise
5:40
Speaker1: us and take care of us. you know, why she was gone. So they would never notice
5:45
Speaker1: any of the weed or the drink or nothing being gone, you know.
5:50
Speaker0: How old were you when you had your first child?
5:52
Speaker1: 20 years old. Conceived in the jungle and never.
5:58
Speaker0: What is the jungle? I know what the jungle is, but let's tell them what the jungle is.
6:03
Speaker1: The jungle is the apartments behind them all. Yeah.
6:07
Speaker0: And why is it called the jungle?
6:09
Speaker1: Oh, because it was just, it was a jungle.
6:13
Speaker1: Now, you wouldn't even recognize it today. All the fencing around,
6:17
Speaker1: all cleaned up. It's weird.
6:20
Speaker1: But we used to have like burn barrels in the back of the apartment.
6:23
Speaker1: So we used to, it was so trapped out in there. It's crazy.
6:28
Speaker1: That's where I lived there for years. I had a little baby alligator.
6:34
Speaker1: I was doing big things. I didn't want to have a child. I never wanted to bear kids, ever.
6:42
Speaker0: Why?
6:43
Speaker1: Because I didn't even know who I was. I had learning disabilities.
6:47
Speaker1: I went through a lot of trauma growing up as a kid, off and on,
6:51
Speaker1: every so many years, like sexual
6:53
Speaker1: abuse, being sent away, not being the only kid like that my mom had.
7:00
Speaker1: I didn't have any other family or nothing. So everywhere my mom moved,
7:04
Speaker1: every single town, every often in every different school, I went to so many schools.
7:08
Speaker1: Like everybody was auntie, uncle, brother, you know, I had a couple little stepdads,
7:14
Speaker1: you know, all the things.
7:16
Speaker1: I would never want a child to be raised by somebody that didn't even get raised properly, period.
7:25
Speaker1: And when I found out I was pregnant, I was addicted to crank and coke.
7:33
Speaker1: That was my speedball, pretty much three to six times a day in the neck.
7:40
Speaker1: And I ran...
7:42
Speaker0: In the neck?
7:42
Speaker1: In the neck. Yeah, pre-made even. That's how we did it.
7:48
Speaker1: Selling lots of dope doing all the mess you know and i'd been doing that for so many years that like
7:57
Speaker1: for me to even be pregnant was like left field like i was super i was used super
8:04
Speaker1: protective you know what i mean like there's no way
8:07
Speaker1: and uh did did buy i went to go have an abortion and they told me i was too
8:12
Speaker1: far along but i found a place in seattle that would have done it you I needed 690 bucks.
8:19
Speaker1: If I needed 690 bucks to go get some dope,
8:23
Speaker1: But I trust, trust. Like, it's nothing. Like, I've gone through hundreds of
8:29
Speaker1: thousands of dollars for dope.
8:32
Speaker1: But to get the money for a procedure for me or to get a gallon of milk for my
8:37
Speaker1: kid or anything like that was like, it just seemed impossible, period.
8:44
Speaker1: I could always get dope, but it was weird.
8:48
Speaker1: I never had a problem getting any kind of drug, period. Like my friends and
8:53
Speaker1: my family, the connections I had always, it's always at the tip of my fingers, even today.
8:59
Speaker1: So I tried to get my parents to help me, and they were about to get married and some more stuff.
9:05
Speaker1: And it was, fuck, it was crazy. We met him at Sears.
9:11
Speaker1: It was pouring down rain, and I met him at Sears, and I asked him if they would
9:15
Speaker1: give me the money that I needed to have it done right away.
9:19
Speaker1: I was pregnant with twins, and I lost one of the twins. And I didn't know,
9:23
Speaker1: and I was still pregnant.
9:25
Speaker1: And I need this.
9:28
Speaker1: This can't happen. And my mom screamed bloody murder in the Sears inside.
9:33
Speaker1: They were trying to buy a new fridge and a new stove for this property in Goldbar
9:38
Speaker1: that they had just bought.
9:39
Speaker1: And she just started crying, and she was so excited. And I was like,
9:43
Speaker1: what is happening right now?
9:46
Speaker1: Like, who would want to bring a baby into this world that is addicted to drugs?
9:51
Speaker1: What kind of mom or what kind of person am I to say that this is okay?
9:57
Speaker1: Mom, I barely had any vitamins. I've been sick.
10:01
Speaker1: I do my own dental work. Like, I'm gross, Mom. You know I'm an intravenous user.
10:05
Speaker1: Why would you want me to do that?
10:08
Speaker1: She said, we still have some months. Let's try to get you healthy.
10:13
Speaker1: And did you? You're coming home. You're coming home with us.
10:15
Speaker1: And I went with them in the back of a Geostorm car that day.
10:20
Speaker1: And I went out to Gold Bar and left everything behind and didn't look back.
10:28
Speaker1: And it was hard. Like me detoxing out there in Gold Bar, like there was no shoes
10:34
Speaker1: around. They didn't keep the clothes that I could put on. I was in a nightgown.
10:39
Speaker1: At one point, they found me walking down Highway 2 because I had a jig. Don't get it confused.
10:45
Speaker1: You know what I mean I just needed a phone you know uh by me stop working I
10:51
Speaker1: I knew how many people's pockets this was gonna hurt and and all the things
10:56
Speaker1: right what about my apartments I we had a couple apartments in the jungle you know
11:00
Speaker1: my alligator there was just so many things you know and I felt like
11:04
Speaker1: that had been my life for so many years that what what am I doing in Goldbar right now no
11:12
Speaker1: and i went and i um went back and there was a couple times where i left there
11:19
Speaker1: to go see good family you know in town and went and did some more dope while
11:24
Speaker1: i was there and went a couple times tried to figure out how my uncles tried
11:27
Speaker1: to help me figure out how to get rid of this because this can't happen and
11:33
Speaker1: My parents said they would help me get to college or get some schooling,
11:37
Speaker1: that they would raise him.
11:40
Speaker1: And I said, okay, I mean, we're doing it.
11:45
Speaker1: And I was pregnant for my parents' wedding, didn't fit in the dress, none of the things.
11:52
Speaker1: I was so angry, trying to start messing up their wedding, you know what I mean?
11:57
Speaker1: Like, what am I doing? I was so miserable.
11:59
Speaker0: So did you get clean during that pregnancy?
12:01
Speaker1: Yeah, the last couple months. And then how long were you clean? I was on pain pills.
12:08
Speaker1: Actually, I was on Vicodin because I had spinal surgeries.
12:12
Speaker1: And so they still locate, no, methadone.
12:17
Speaker1: But they took me off the methadone. They had me taking Vicodin because I was pregnant.
12:22
Speaker1: And so I was still on pain pills during my whole pregnancy for my spine.
12:29
Speaker0: So fast forward to your second pregnancy.
12:33
Speaker1: Yeah.
12:34
Speaker0: Fuck. Nine years apart? Six years apart?
12:38
Speaker1: My youngest is about to be 20. They're five, a little over five.
12:41
Speaker1: And my oldest turned 25 in January.
12:46
Speaker1: Yeah.
12:48
Speaker1: My youngest, yep, I was in a relationship off and on for six years.
12:54
Speaker1: And, yeah, we broke up for a while.
12:59
Speaker1: Yeah. She came over, I was hella sick, and she told me I was pregnant,
13:01
Speaker1: and I was like, yeah, right.
13:04
Speaker1: And I was, absolutely. I got pregnant by a guy that my uncles and everybody
13:10
Speaker1: told me to stay away from.
13:13
Speaker1: And I ended up pregnant by him, and yeah, it was messy.
13:19
Speaker1: I didn't even want to tell anybody that he was a dad. I tried to give every
13:24
Speaker1: dude that I could remember that I'd slept with because I was a goddamn whore,
13:29
Speaker1: you know, a whole list of names.
13:31
Speaker0: You had a little Jerry Springer moment. Yeah.
13:34
Speaker1: And then the very last name, the very last name that I didn't even give up, I was like, I'm fucked.
13:41
Speaker1: I get cast out of the bag now. I did exactly what I was asked not to do.
13:46
Speaker0: So you lived a wild life. You brought it out to Gold Bar. Yeah.
13:50
Speaker1: Yeah?
13:53
Speaker1: 1997, 1998. My parents moved out there, and I was still in high school,
13:59
Speaker1: but I still went to school in Scriber Lake.
14:02
Speaker1: So my parents worked in Bellevue and Redmond, and they drove and dropped me
14:05
Speaker1: off, and I would stay with friends so I could still go to school and all the
14:09
Speaker1: stuff, but I was really just partying, you know?
14:13
Speaker1: And Gold Bar was not the place for me. The first times I ever went to Gold Bar was to cook dough.
14:19
Speaker1: So for my parents to be moving out there was just, blew my mind.
14:25
Speaker1: Like, oh my God, like this is not happening. But they didn't.
14:29
Speaker1: And so my son was born and raised. Keegan was born and raised in Gold Bar.
14:35
Speaker1: And Adrian was born in Renton. But the relationship I had was unhealthy. I was still a junkie.
14:44
Speaker1: I absolutely was honest with my parents and with my ex-girlfriend the entire
14:49
Speaker1: time. Like, I'm an addict. Like, I need my dough.
14:53
Speaker1: I want to make money. This is my life.
14:56
Speaker1: And so it was like I was having babies for other people. And they was raised
15:02
Speaker1: mostly, my oldest son was raised by my parents until my mom died.
15:07
Speaker1: And off and on, my youngest son was raised by my parents too, off and on.
15:13
Speaker1: But it's, yeah.
15:15
Speaker0: So fast forward,
15:18
Speaker0: you're coming up on four years of sobriety. So bring me to, how did you get to It's Time?
15:26
Speaker0: What brought you to, I'm going to get sober? Was it a nudge from the judge?
15:31
Speaker0: Was it just a decision? You were just sick of that life? What did that look like?
15:36
Speaker1: For me, it was, I was hospitalized for some months.
15:40
Speaker1: I was, my old man got murdered, right? I tried to get clean before.
15:45
Speaker1: I was clean for some months. My old man got murdered. He didn't make it, you know?
15:51
Speaker1: And I just lost my whole shit. was just running and gunning,
15:56
Speaker1: got a big chunk of money, all the stuff, had to move out of housing home, like just being messy.
16:02
Speaker1: I've always done my own dental work and taken other people's antibiotics,
16:06
Speaker1: bought them from people, sewn myself up, not really, the doctor and I were not
16:11
Speaker1: friends, the dentist and I was never friends, right?
16:14
Speaker1: And I mean, I've sewn up people. We've taken out other people's teeth.
16:18
Speaker1: Like, that's the crazy life I lived, right?
16:21
Speaker1: Because I did that, my body was shutting down, and I knew that I was sick and
16:26
Speaker1: I was dying even before my own man had died, right?
16:30
Speaker1: I was morbid, obese, really bad. And so when he died, I just went full on.
16:37
Speaker1: Like, I didn't even care. I was doing lots of different substances, right? And...
16:45
Speaker0: When did he get murdered? What year?
16:47
Speaker1: 2000 and 2000 and
16:55
Speaker1: 21, 2021, I want to say.
16:58
Speaker0: So five years ago?
17:00
Speaker1: I try not to think about it. I try not to think about it very often because
17:04
Speaker1: it's like that was just, yeah.
17:07
Speaker1: Yeah, and so when I went back out, though, I kept getting hospitalized,
17:12
Speaker1: but, you know, I was a junkie. They didn't want to keep me, you know, at the hospitals.
17:17
Speaker1: And then one day I went to go see my kids, and my friend John took me,
17:22
Speaker1: was taking me, and we stopped at the hospital at the Providence,
17:26
Speaker1: and that's when they pulled my own man's plug during COVID.
17:30
Speaker1: And so I have a big resentment towards that hospital, right?
17:34
Speaker1: And I was going through it, and when I came to and I realized that's a hospital
17:39
Speaker1: I was at, I was like, I'm fine, get back in the car, like I was going to beat
17:43
Speaker1: him up, bro, like get me out of here, this place will kill me for sure,
17:46
Speaker1: you know, because I was so sick in the brain.
17:49
Speaker1: And so we just went out to go see my kids out past Big Eddie
17:57
Speaker1: and Gold Bar. And we pull up, and I have to use the restroom,
18:02
Speaker1: and I just got this bad pain, and my son was like, she needs to go to the hospital
18:06
Speaker1: right now. Like, I was pale.
18:08
Speaker1: I was super bloated. My stomach was, like, so round. It was crazy.
18:12
Speaker1: And I could barely walk. And so John took me to Death Valley,
18:18
Speaker1: you know. uh, Monroe hospital.
18:20
Speaker0: I'm familiar. My grandma passed away in the parking lot of Valley general.
18:25
Speaker1: And, uh, and we get there and, uh, and they start treating me like I,
18:30
Speaker1: like, um, they weren't going to give me the timer day.
18:34
Speaker1: And, uh, like they didn't have a machine that I would fit in all these things.
18:39
Speaker1: We're just trying to, you know, short talk me, talk to me. And my friend John
18:45
Speaker1: realized that one of the guys there was good friends with his dad,
18:49
Speaker1: and his dad had just recently retired.
18:52
Speaker1: And he talked to them and called his dad, and by him calling his dad and talking
18:57
Speaker1: to him, they got me the care that I needed, and they listened to me,
19:01
Speaker1: and they actually were like...
19:06
Speaker1: Took the time to to listen to me period and um by that time I was um
19:14
Speaker1: closer to 600 pounds yeah
19:18
Speaker1: and um by the time I got trained they asked me which hospital do I want to go
19:22
Speaker1: to and I remember my mom always telling me the only hospital she would ever
19:26
Speaker1: go to is Overlake or um Evergreen Kirkland Evergreen right and so
19:32
Speaker1: I was like whichever one I can get to fastest right
19:35
Speaker1: And so they got me to Kirkland Evergreen,
19:38
Speaker1: and the infectious diseases doctors came in. I had to have a major surgery.
19:44
Speaker1: I went instant septic, and I almost died right there. They had to go into my
19:48
Speaker1: stomach, and they took out over 75 pounds of three different types of bacteria
19:53
Speaker1: out from underneath my belly, which takes over a lot of years to build up.
19:58
Speaker1: And it's from me sewing myself up, taking my antibiotics, the infections that
20:03
Speaker1: I've gotten, and my own dental work because I've taken out tons of teeth, you know.
20:09
Speaker1: And so they had to get as much out as they could, and they had to put a drain
20:15
Speaker1: tube in the front of me on the right side and a drain tube in the back of me so
20:22
Speaker1: that it could continue to drain out for months after I even was discharged at the hospital.
20:30
Speaker1: I only could have one person a day, So I had one kid a day come in there and
20:34
Speaker1: say a prayer with me and see me because they didn't think I was going to make it out.
20:41
Speaker1: I sat in there with...
20:45
Speaker1: I seen a mirror. I had a huge dreadlock in there. These ladies that worked there,
20:50
Speaker1: these nurses that were caring for me for this time, they brought NA to me.
20:57
Speaker1: They did a meeting with me and reminded me of some things that I had learned
21:01
Speaker1: before, you know, just freshen up a little bit.
21:04
Speaker1: And they were proud of me, you know, and all these things. And I wanted to be
21:10
Speaker1: off all the painkillers and all the mess, you know, before I left there even.
21:17
Speaker1: And so the day I left the hospital was 9-1-22.
21:23
Speaker1: And they took out my PICC line because I was too afraid to leave with a PICC
21:28
Speaker1: line for my antibiotics and my meds.
21:31
Speaker1: Because every time I looked over at it, I just thought about what kind of drugs I could put in it.
21:38
Speaker1: And I wasn't sure how I was going to get out into the world as sick as I was,
21:43
Speaker1: you know, or what I was going to do or anything.
21:45
Speaker1: But my kids picked me up and I looked at them and I told them,
21:49
Speaker1: I don't ever want to live this type of life. I've been living my entire life ever again.
21:53
Speaker1: Like everything has to change starting now.
21:55
Speaker0: So did you have what we call a spiritual awakening while you were in the hospital?
22:00
Speaker1: Yeah, some people are like, oh, if you let me live this one time or all these
22:04
Speaker1: things, right? And I was like, I just, I see my kids in a different light, you know?
22:13
Speaker1: Like I would always, I was close with my kids. I love my kids a lot,
22:17
Speaker1: right? But I've never been as close to my kids as I am today. Promise that.
22:25
Speaker1: Like I would die for my kids, you know what I mean? My kids are my everything.
22:28
Speaker1: My grandkids mean more to me than they do now, you know? but but
22:34
Speaker0: So what does your life look like now so you get out of the hospital and you're sober.
22:39
Speaker1: I'm clean you're clean yeah i got out clean and i didn't take no meds at all
22:44
Speaker1: except for um uh the heaviest dose they could have all the antibiotics every day yeah
22:52
Speaker0: So then where do you go from there you get and.
22:56
Speaker1: My i i told him there's a meeting at 12 o'clock i said i want to go to it, 3602 Colby.
23:04
Speaker1: During COVID, when I was first trying to get clean, we were in the back room,
23:07
Speaker1: so I knew that there would be a meeting at noon at that place. I didn't
23:15
Speaker1: My aunt, Danita, she's in recovery,
23:20
Speaker1: all the things. And she always would come and try to get me to come.
23:25
Speaker1: She took me to some women's retreats when I was still high even.
23:30
Speaker1: And, you know, always trying to give me that recovery and get it in me,
23:33
Speaker1: you know, all the stuff. And so I knew I could see her. And she happened to
23:36
Speaker1: be at the funeral home, right, blocks away from where the meeting would be at. So we pulled up on her.
23:45
Speaker1: Then I just looked at her, and I told her, I'm done. I'm ready.
23:49
Speaker1: It's time. And she said, okay, baby, you can come stay with me.
23:54
Speaker1: And for her to open up her home to me when she lived in a shelter,
23:58
Speaker1: a little studio shelter with two grandkids and a queen-size bed,
24:04
Speaker1: for her to open her home up to me for as many months as she did and cared for me.
24:08
Speaker1: And we had people that drove me every single week to my appointments
24:15
Speaker1: In Kirkland Evergreen Hospital. Like I always had a ride to all the meetings.
24:21
Speaker1: A couple of times I tried to walk and we stopped. We weren't ever going to do that again.
24:27
Speaker1: All the stuff. There was times that my body got sick and I got hospitalized
24:32
Speaker1: again, you know, but I would just always just keep going.
24:36
Speaker1: She lived up this flight of stairs in this shelter. and like for me to walk
24:42
Speaker1: up that flight of stairs was like every single time I walked up those stairs,
24:46
Speaker1: I felt my ass starting to cry.
24:49
Speaker1: It hurt so bad. My body hurt so bad. Yeah.
24:53
Speaker1: I had to change my ways of eating, which was really hard, especially living
24:59
Speaker1: around, you know, little guys. And, you know, my aunt cooks.
25:03
Speaker1: She cooks good food and all the stuff, right?
25:05
Speaker1: But I knew I had to change up so much more than what I was just doing.
25:09
Speaker1: But I needed to make it to meetings every day, multiple times a day.
25:14
Speaker1: I wore a muumuu where the pockets I could push out so I could have my drain
25:19
Speaker1: tube in one and my drain tube in the other. That was my holder.
25:25
Speaker1: And there was times I had to ask, like, my aunt and other people to help me
25:28
Speaker1: clean myself in areas because my drain tubes helped me clean them,
25:32
Speaker1: and it was just embarrassing, you know,
25:35
Speaker1: but people just, like, loved me where I was at, and everybody kind of,
25:38
Speaker1: everybody, if I needed to get to an appointment or needed to get somewhere,
25:44
Speaker1: like, I knew I could just mention it, and it would, it would work itself out.
25:48
Speaker1: Everything was going to be okay, you know, and I found myself learning everyday praying
25:55
Speaker1: when I wake up and literally laying there and like finding gratitude and whatever
26:01
Speaker1: how no matter what I was feeling that day was like the biggest lifesaver for me um
26:10
Speaker1: My kid, I wasn't sure how it was going to look for me, you know?
26:16
Speaker1: Now that my kid's, like, been having to live with his brother and everything, and which they're good.
26:21
Speaker1: We're a tiny family like that. I wasn't worried about him at all.
26:25
Speaker1: But I know I needed his own space, you know?
26:28
Speaker1: So it's like I would see a lot of people, like, get the instant gratification
26:32
Speaker1: things given to them, and all the stuff's happening.
26:35
Speaker1: And I felt like I was just a big, disgusting person blob that was so lost.
26:43
Speaker1: Like, people would have conversations, and I couldn't even comprehend the conversations.
26:49
Speaker1: Like, my brain just wasn't working right.
26:51
Speaker1: I was sitting there staring at people in the rooms like I just wanted to beat
26:55
Speaker1: them up all the time, wearing a face mask. My teeth were rotten in the front.
27:03
Speaker1: I had just— So you— I was so sick. My body was so sick that it was just hard for me to—
27:11
Speaker0: So you go to the hospital and you weigh 600 pounds.
27:15
Speaker1: Pretty much. So you come in today. When I left the hospital,
27:20
Speaker1: I weighed. When I went 22, I weighed 526 pounds.
27:25
Speaker1: And then I come in today and I weighed 260 pounds.
27:29
Speaker0: So you had just left the gym on your way here today. Yeah.
27:34
Speaker0: So not only are you clean, but you are healthy.
27:40
Speaker0: And you are working towards?
27:43
Speaker1: When the doctors ask me what my goal weight is, I tell them I don't have one,
27:49
Speaker1: I just want to be healthier.
27:51
Speaker1: Period. There's, there's months, there was months there where I didn't lose any weight at all.
27:56
Speaker1: Sometimes I gained weight. Like when I started lifting some weights and swimming,
28:01
Speaker1: I do intensive water therapy, a water work workout for a couple hours,
28:06
Speaker1: you know, and with someone that started lifting weights and all this stuff,
28:09
Speaker1: like I don't eat white flour and white sugar.
28:12
Speaker1: I don't, I don't like processed foods because they make me sick.
28:17
Speaker1: I know like when I, when I am lazy and I go do something stupid
28:22
Speaker1: it's nine times out of ten i'm gonna be super sick most that night and probably
28:25
Speaker1: the next day you know because my body is so healthy now that like just the smallest
28:31
Speaker1: things my body's like what is wrong with you tip you know
28:36
Speaker1: i've never i grew up on potatoes and breads and milks and junk food and uh all
28:41
Speaker1: the fast easy cheap shit i grew up on that so that's like dead ass like wonder
28:48
Speaker0: Bread and macaroni and.
28:49
Speaker1: Cheese well you know what i'm saying
28:52
Speaker1: you know what i'm saying like that's absolutely and so today it's like
28:58
Speaker1: i honestly it will we'll just keep it 100 with everybody is i uh i eat canned
29:04
Speaker1: chicken i'm obsessed you walked
29:06
Speaker0: In the door with a can of chicken breast and a protein shake and i'm like this
29:10
Speaker0: girl is getting her protein today.
29:13
Speaker1: I could do that two, three times a day. I'm all right.
29:17
Speaker1: Literally. I get other vegetables sometimes and fruit sometimes,
29:22
Speaker1: but it's not a big need for me. I don't need it.
29:25
Speaker0: So you have literally changed every single—they say when we get clean and sober,
29:34
Speaker0: what's the one thing that you got to change?
29:36
Speaker1: Everything.
29:37
Speaker0: Everything.
29:38
Speaker1: And I apply it all to every area of my life.
29:43
Speaker1: And sometimes at first I felt like I was being super selfish and needy and all
29:47
Speaker1: these things, but in all reality it was like, no, this is what's going to save my life.
29:54
Speaker1: Period. Like my kids know that my recovery comes first and everything that falls
29:58
Speaker1: after is a blessing. So let's get it.
30:02
Speaker1: With the gym, I hadn't been in the gym for a month because I was doing training
30:06
Speaker1: and it interrupted everything in my whole life.
30:08
Speaker1: And so this is actually day five from missing 31 days in the gym. So I'm back on day five.
30:16
Speaker1: I hit five days this week for a couple hours every morning.
30:19
Speaker1: And I needed that. My mental health missed that. I didn't realize that even
30:23
Speaker1: though I paddleboard and I'm super active every day anyways,
30:27
Speaker1: I was like, oh, it's nothing.
30:29
Speaker1: But it is something. The only thing that really suffered about me not being
30:32
Speaker1: in the gym for that time was my mental health.
30:37
Speaker1: Because it's the workout and all the stuff, so I'm still on point.
30:41
Speaker1: I can still do my thing in there. I'm not even worried about it, you know.
30:46
Speaker1: But my mental health, my mental health 100%. I didn't even realize it,
30:51
Speaker1: but my best friend kept telling me, you need to get back in the gym, da-da-da.
30:55
Speaker1: But when being in there, like I meditate in there, I pray in there,
30:59
Speaker1: I think about what moves I can do next.
31:02
Speaker1: I think about solution-based stuff. I'm not crowded by any outside stuff,
31:07
Speaker1: period, so it's like me and my whole self's time, and I didn't realize how much
31:14
Speaker1: I needed that more than anything.
31:17
Speaker0: This community that we're a part of, because this recovery community is,
31:23
Speaker0: in my opinion, it's a very close-knit, because...
31:29
Speaker0: We all know the same people. Or if you don't know, then somebody else knows
31:32
Speaker0: that person. Everybody knows everybody.
31:35
Speaker1: Yeah, period.
31:36
Speaker0: And now, you know, people come into our lives that, you know,
31:44
Speaker0: want to change, that want something different, that want something better,
31:47
Speaker0: that want something that you have because you, you know, are showing them the way.
31:54
Speaker0: Like I am showing people the way. But my story is a lot different than yours.
31:58
Speaker0: Right but to be able to show up in this community and,
32:03
Speaker0: you know you you work every day you're going and talking to the people like
32:07
Speaker0: what does that look like how did you get that that job and how did you get placed
32:11
Speaker0: in you know because you're working at the jail and you know and and,
32:16
Speaker0: you're a very good fit for what you do.
32:19
Speaker1: I feel like that position was made just for me yeah and the position was made
32:24
Speaker1: just for chance trust like um it's just weird how it all happened i was working at north sound
32:32
Speaker1: I stayed there for six months and uh i lived in an over overpriced apartment
32:37
Speaker1: that was so nice it was weird for it was super weird for me to even be in there um
32:43
Speaker1: then it was coming to they that they didn't value me as an employee in there
32:49
Speaker1: and they wanted to like switch a lot of stuff up to where I couldn't even get
32:53
Speaker1: a second job to be able to afford the place that I was living in or nothing.
32:57
Speaker1: And so I just had to tell them what time it was. You know, that's a them problem,
33:01
Speaker1: not a me problem. Like, I'm not going to sit here and do this.
33:04
Speaker1: Like, I'll find work somewhere else.
33:07
Speaker1: So now I'm sitting in an apartment with, like, where the rent's, like, $2,600 a month.
33:12
Speaker1: And, like, trust this is, I mean, it had a fat girl's bathtub with a little
33:17
Speaker1: shower off, you know, off to the side with the, you know, huge Samsung washer
33:21
Speaker1: and dryer. It felt like three comforters, you know what I mean?
33:24
Speaker1: Like, so much space. It was so big and so nice. And the wide-ass walls and carpet.
33:29
Speaker1: It was crazy. Every time I walked in, I was, like, shocked.
33:32
Speaker1: You know what I mean? And, of course, it was beautiful and it was nice.
33:36
Speaker1: But realistically after this little uh rapid rehousing voucher that they had
33:41
Speaker1: me on realistically in the next six months am I going to be able to afford that
33:45
Speaker1: place you know so now we have no job and we live in an overpriced apartment
33:51
Speaker1: and one of the things in my life was is at the beginning was is I don't ever
33:56
Speaker1: want to live my life the way I've been living again so I don't want to be on disability
34:01
Speaker1: i don't want to be on uh dshs i don't want medical i don't want government nothing
34:06
Speaker1: i want to learn how to live by myself
34:09
Speaker0: And and how was i mean do you ever feel like you have imposter syndrome.
34:12
Speaker1: I do every all the time
34:14
Speaker0: And and and.
34:15
Speaker1: Like i tell i tell my i tell them that all the time like this is like they're
34:20
Speaker1: like oh you're natural you're doing good and all those things but no
34:23
Speaker0: And and giving up because we there's a lot of you know there's a lot of of government
34:29
Speaker0: entities and there's a lot of you know hand up,
34:33
Speaker0: right but then to be able to say i don't need that anymore i don't want that anymore period i can be.
34:39
Speaker1: Self-sufficient yeah
34:41
Speaker0: And this is how i'm going to do it.
34:42
Speaker1: They were like well um because i was working part-time for a while at the north sound they were like um
34:49
Speaker1: They said I could still get my disability and stuff to pay for the rent and
34:54
Speaker1: stuff there, but disability wouldn't have covered rent there.
34:58
Speaker1: You know what I mean? Even having one child with me who was,
35:02
Speaker1: he was, I think, soon to be 18 if he wasn't 18 already.
35:05
Speaker1: You know what I mean? And I was like, oh, this is messy.
35:08
Speaker1: You know, I was at Housing Hope for so long, they were supposed to give me a voucher, right?
35:13
Speaker1: And I'm like, listen, I don't want none of it. I don't want to depend on nothing like that, period.
35:17
Speaker1: Like I have to figure it out and I was applying at all these other jobs and
35:22
Speaker1: then this opportunity came up for the jail
35:25
Speaker1: and everybody was coming at me from all these different angles talking about
35:29
Speaker1: it and my friend April who I've known for years too
35:35
Speaker1: had mentioned it and told me to fill out the application and I was like bullshit
35:40
Speaker1: How would that look you know me being a person I am out there in the streets
35:45
Speaker1: and how what I stood on out there how does that look me working inside the jail
35:50
Speaker1: I don't care what position I could be a janitor up in there does that even make
35:55
Speaker1: sense you know and I was so anti I'll find a different job right
36:00
Speaker1: and then my friend Erin told me she would help me uh fill out the application
36:04
Speaker1: and do all the stuff right because the biggest thing for me at the end of saying
36:09
Speaker1: no over and over and over again for it was that
36:13
Speaker1: doing the application and doing the work and getting the stuff built up, you know, um,
36:20
Speaker1: I didn't feel like I was smart enough. I didn't, it was, everything seemed super
36:25
Speaker1: complicated. I'm still so fresh in recovery.
36:29
Speaker1: I'm barely standing on my own two feet.
36:32
Speaker1: I'm working, I'm watching what I'm eating. I'm doing some things right at that
36:35
Speaker1: point, making it to places, you know, no vehicle, you know, all the things,
36:41
Speaker1: all these excuses in the back of my mind, really.
36:44
Speaker0: What kept you going?
36:46
Speaker1: Um, I had a lot of, uh, good support to help me stay up. Like whenever,
36:53
Speaker1: every single day people were calling to check on me, period.
36:57
Speaker1: Um, even on days and weeks where nobody did, you know, I still was hitting all
37:02
Speaker1: the meetings, doing all the things, keeping my brain going.
37:06
Speaker1: Um, I, I rarely ever stayed down, you know, like I, I knew I needed to rest
37:12
Speaker1: and reset all the time because my body just got done being so sick
37:16
Speaker1: but like I was like if I was getting up for dope I'd be up 24-7 for that shit
37:22
Speaker1: like I can do I can do anything
37:25
Speaker1: and so I I turned it all in I did the applications and stuff I had I had like
37:31
Speaker1: gang task force and a deputy there and
37:35
Speaker1: um and a couple other things come up you know that could have held me back from
37:39
Speaker1: getting a position in the jail, and it didn't.
37:42
Speaker1: I just needed to explain my position myself in that.
37:48
Speaker1: The chief in there, he's like, it's not a black and white world anymore.
37:53
Speaker1: Tiffany, I need you in here, you know?
37:56
Speaker0: What do you think, I know, what I think, but like when we are working with the
38:03
Speaker0: recovery community and people that are in jail and, you know,
38:07
Speaker0: showing them a different way and talking to them a different way,
38:10
Speaker0: how important do you think it is for you to have that lived experience?
38:15
Speaker0: And I mean, it lived, you've lived every single bit of it, you know,
38:21
Speaker0: and to be able to be in there on the other side of that.
38:25
Speaker1: I have a resource wall inside my office for the MHPs and the clinical and the
38:29
Speaker1: deputies that can come in at any given time and get information on whatever
38:34
Speaker1: they need to or resources for people.
38:37
Speaker1: What's an MHP? the medical whatever the people that deal with um the people
38:43
Speaker1: that deal with people and their mental health and all that in there
38:46
Speaker0: Oh mental health professional okay i'm like.
38:49
Speaker1: Yeah mental health professional mhp but uh
38:54
Speaker1: they always come to me like a little resource like a dex they are always coming
38:58
Speaker1: to me and asking me questions and we're always teaming up and working together
39:02
Speaker1: When I walk into the jail now today, I still sometimes get goosebumps.
39:06
Speaker1: But I know when I walk in the pod and I go in there to be there for my people, that I'm a light.
39:13
Speaker1: Some of them have never seen.
39:16
Speaker1: And some of them have done some dark stuff with me, bad stuff,
39:20
Speaker1: good stuff, all the things.
39:22
Speaker1: So when I walk in and they see how much I've changed mentally,
39:25
Speaker1: emotionally, physically and spiritually, like when they're ready and they want
39:29
Speaker1: some of that, they know what time it is. Um,
39:34
Speaker1: I really feel like this position was really, it came at the best time.
39:43
Speaker1: If I would have went for a chances position, I would not still be in the position. Absolutely not.
39:51
Speaker1: I feel like this, the area that they got me in, it suits me.
39:56
Speaker0: How important do you think it is to uh to talk about the ability to have lived
40:03
Speaker0: experiences in these things and just because you.
40:06
Speaker1: Have to have lived experience you you
40:08
Speaker0: You have a you know a phd or a master's or a this or a that if you've never
40:14
Speaker0: lived it i feel like it's so hard to to you can't walk shoulder to shoulder with.
40:20
Speaker1: People no i i go into rooms all the time where where i feel like I have imposter
40:24
Speaker1: syndrome and then I get over myself real quick because I'm being you know side-eyed
40:28
Speaker1: by the person that therapist or the counselor all these other people that have
40:32
Speaker1: all these you know other letters
40:34
Speaker0: At the end.
40:35
Speaker1: Of yeah all these other letters after their names right and they're they're like
40:40
Speaker1: they're upset because they're stuck on numbers they're stuck on so much data
40:45
Speaker1: they're stuck on all these certain things right that their main focus is getting
40:49
Speaker1: through their day, whether they like their job or not, most of them don't.
40:53
Speaker1: And for me, I love my job.
40:56
Speaker1: I'm not stuck on numbers.
40:59
Speaker1: I'm not stuck. Yeah, I get paid by Ideal Options, and I'm embedded in Snohomish
41:03
Speaker1: County Jail, but I represent Snohomish County Jail. I represent Ideal Options.
41:07
Speaker1: I represent any other resource that connects with me that any of my people I can connect to, period.
41:15
Speaker1: Like, I don't, I'm not just stuck only serving IO clients or this or that.
41:23
Speaker1: I do what I want that I feel that other clients need in there,
41:28
Speaker1: period. I walk with them in there.
41:30
Speaker1: I walk with them outside of there, and I'll fight for them.
41:35
Speaker1: I'll go to court with them. I'll do whatever.
41:38
Speaker1: If they really want a different way of life, and I don't care.
41:42
Speaker1: People are like oh they have to get clean off everything all these things I
41:46
Speaker1: I celebrate the small wins because that's how I got to where I am today
41:50
Speaker1: I celebrated getting up one day and just moving my feet around getting some
41:55
Speaker1: motion in them so I could actually make it to a car to send in a meeting that was a win for me
42:00
Speaker1: I celebrated yeah I'm clean but like maybe clean for that person means I'm going
42:05
Speaker1: to get off fentanyl today
42:08
Speaker1: I'm going to go to detox and get off fentanyl, and then I want to go on to treatment
42:12
Speaker1: and get off a meth and crack and all the other things, right?
42:15
Speaker1: So it's like I celebrate so many people and just their want and need and all
42:23
Speaker1: the things for me to walk alongside them to be a better person, period.
42:28
Speaker1: And what that looks like for everybody is so different, you know?
42:33
Speaker1: And I feel like my stories in every single person that I've come in contact
42:38
Speaker1: with in some way, shape or form.
42:40
Speaker0: For sure.
42:41
Speaker1: And I don't always tell them my story. Some of them already know some of my
42:45
Speaker1: story and know where I come from.
42:47
Speaker1: So it's like, if they're really wanting it, let's get it, you know?
42:50
Speaker1: And I, I have people that are, the jail is a revolving door and mental health is a big situation.
42:58
Speaker1: It's not just about the drugs. People are stuck on all these drugs, drugs, drugs,
43:03
Speaker1: but their mental health is is mental health is is killing them
43:09
Speaker1: and the revolving door i've i've some i've only i this coming up in a couple
43:14
Speaker1: months i've been there two years now in in snow side snowman's county jail and
43:19
Speaker1: i have clients in there that have been in there 10 15 times revolving door
43:25
Speaker1: and but every single time i see something else changing them every single time and i celebrate that
43:31
Speaker0: If there was one thing that you could talk about that,
43:39
Speaker0: you could share with the rest of the audience about teaching someone,
43:46
Speaker0: recognizing something.
43:49
Speaker0: What's one thing that you would share or say or that is important,
43:57
Speaker0: enough to say, you know what, if you pick this one thing or you focus on mental
44:02
Speaker0: health, you focus on getting off, you focus on recovery getting clean what is
44:07
Speaker0: it what is that one thing one little step towards,
44:14
Speaker0: making a change what is what is one thing that one person say somebody that
44:18
Speaker0: hears you is you know sick of it and they just don't know what,
44:26
Speaker0: one step could do for their life because it It just took one step, one decision,
44:32
Speaker0: was one thing.
44:33
Speaker1: I don't know. When you say that, I think by trusting the process,
44:37
Speaker1: like one step to move forward, I mean,
44:44
Speaker1: For me, it was surrendering, period, everything and anything in my life.
44:48
Speaker1: So it's like you just have to be open-minded and know that
44:55
Speaker1: no matter what, like you could get knocked back down again, but you can get
44:58
Speaker1: up again and not to lose hope and faith.
45:03
Speaker0: What's the one thing that you are the most proud of about your journey today?
45:14
Speaker1: Um i'm most proud proud of the person i i'm becoming and the and the woman i
45:20
Speaker1: am today and that i refuse to get up i refuse to give up and um
45:30
Speaker1: yeah i couldn't do it i couldn't i couldn't do it without all the love and support of my family my friends
45:38
Speaker1: that have never given up on me even when i've given up on myself and it doesn't
45:42
Speaker1: matter how many days clean i have you know uh we all have our good days and our bad days
45:49
Speaker1: but like the woman i'm becoming and there's and it's barely my story has barely begun
45:56
Speaker0: I was gonna say what where do you see yourself in five years what does tiffany
46:00
Speaker0: fry's life look like in five years.
46:04
Speaker1: Um within the next five years i will be a county employee and i will help um
46:11
Speaker1: i'm in the process of helping build a uh
46:17
Speaker1: this write-up for a position inside there for a peer to be embedded in there as a county employee
46:28
Speaker0: That's a pretty good call. Did you hear that, Snohomish County?
46:32
Speaker0: Yeah. I feel like that could happen sooner.
46:35
Speaker1: If IO doesn't pick up the grant again, they want to be able to keep me in there.
46:40
Speaker1: And I love that. I love that I get to go to work and I get to touch lives.
46:45
Speaker1: And they let me allow me to do that.
46:49
Speaker0: How amazing is it that you went from living in the jungle, living in Gold Bar, being...
46:57
Speaker0: You know, I know that there was a name that you used to carry around and you
47:01
Speaker0: said, that is not my name. I do not. That is not me anymore.
47:05
Speaker1: No. When I heard it yesterday when I was doing outreach, this girl screamed
47:11
Speaker1: Big Mama across the parking lot. She was so ecstatic to see me.
47:15
Speaker1: And when she wrote down my number because she wants to get clean, she put Big Mama.
47:19
Speaker1: And I asked her, I said, can you put a line through that Big Mama and can you just put Tiffany Fry?
47:26
Speaker1: Because I never heard my name as much as I have up until today.
47:31
Speaker1: And when I hear that, it sounds so beautiful. When I hear Big Mama,
47:35
Speaker1: it's a lot of my past life.
47:37
Speaker1: And I know it's mostly because I have a big heart and all this stuff,
47:41
Speaker1: but no, it's Tiffany Fry. This is a new person.
47:45
Speaker0: Tiffany Fry is a new person. And I love watching you, and I love your story,
47:51
Speaker0: And I love, you know, that you share and that you're in it and that you're helping people and.
47:58
Speaker1: You know, unstoppable like this is every single day, no matter what.
48:03
Speaker1: I mean, that's not some somebody believed in me and didn't give up on me. And I.
48:10
Speaker1: And I think it was Gina Wesselmiller that actually had a women's retreat.
48:19
Speaker1: She had seen me when I came there when I was loaded, when I first met her.
48:23
Speaker1: And then when I seen her again, it was like she was like, you can do it. Like, let's get it.
48:30
Speaker1: And I like to surround myself by people like that that want to be solution-based
48:36
Speaker1: and have the connections in other areas that I don't because that's how we build
48:40
Speaker1: that's how we grow and in all the things and
48:44
Speaker1: and just watching some of the women and the men move and and grow their lives around me I'm like
48:51
Speaker1: Lance Baird used to come to me when I was super high and he used to try to show
48:55
Speaker1: show me his change in his business and how he got clean and we went through
48:59
Speaker1: a really crazy thing and he would always tell me Tiffany come on
49:03
Speaker1: you can reinvent yourself you could be anything you want to be you can start
49:07
Speaker1: your own business, you could have houses, look, and then he'd tell me,
49:10
Speaker1: I'm getting married, all these things, right, reinventing himself.
49:14
Speaker1: I would always tell him, bullshit, bullshit, bro, back up, you're running my
49:18
Speaker1: high, and all this stuff. So now when I tell people, I'm like,
49:21
Speaker1: look, this could be the first day of the rest of your life.
49:24
Speaker1: Like, I don't care how bad you are. Like, I know what bad is.
49:29
Speaker1: I've seen that often all my whole life.
49:31
Speaker0: You know what's crazy is I feel like the people...
49:36
Speaker0: The addicts of the world,
49:40
Speaker0: are the world changers. We're the keys. We are.
49:43
Speaker0: We are the ones because you can keep us down and then we have this shift of,
49:48
Speaker0: you know what, I'm no longer living that way anymore, but now try to stop me.
49:52
Speaker1: And all these people that are normies, that aren't drug addicts and all the
49:56
Speaker1: things, they think they're better than everybody, have all these things and
49:59
Speaker1: these jobs and stuff going on with themselves. It's like, bro,
50:02
Speaker1: what are you doing inside, internally, to really keep that stuff long-term?
50:07
Speaker1: Like, how is your mental health going to be when you get old?
50:10
Speaker1: You know what I mean? All of the stuff.
50:13
Speaker1: Where's your foundation? Like, I'm literally still in my—I tell these people
50:19
Speaker1: all the time, I'm nourishing my dirt still.
50:22
Speaker1: Like, literally, I planted a couple seeds, and they're going to sprout beautifully. Believe that.
50:28
Speaker1: But like I'm that my foundation is is what I have to stand on yeah and I want
50:35
Speaker1: I don't want my kids later in life I don't want my kids to still think about
50:41
Speaker1: the past life that that they had to go through I want them to be excited to
50:45
Speaker1: move forward in the future
50:48
Speaker1: and and with my grandkids like I want I want to give them something to be super proud of
50:53
Speaker1: and and me as as as their mom as a person that's still alive today, choosing life today.
50:58
Speaker1: I've shown them already in just
51:00
Speaker1: a few years that anything is possible and I'm not done at all, period.
51:04
Speaker1: You're just beginning. Just beginning. Like there's about to be,
51:08
Speaker1: I can't tell you guys too much right now, but there in the next six months,
51:12
Speaker1: there's about to be a big, huge change.
51:14
Speaker1: That's just going to be a big shocker to the whole world and I'm ready for it.
51:18
Speaker0: That's awesome. I love that. Thank you so much for coming and joining me today
51:23
Speaker0: and telling your story and being vulnerable and real and I appreciate it.
51:29
Speaker1: Yeah. Thank you for having me.
51:33
Speaker0: If this podcast resonated.