Latest / Aired Out / Are YOU enough? Chad Althiser, Sweethearts & Heroes

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Are YOU enough? Chad Althiser, Sweethearts & Heroes · Aired Out

• 0:23
  Speaker 1: There we go. I'm going to be taking you to Jacksonville,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: North Carolina, here in just a second. I'm guessing that
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: it's probably not in the middle 50s right there, right now,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: like it is for most of us waking up this
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: morning here in Vermont. But weather from NBC5. Courier Park's
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: going to be just a perfect day today. Partly sunny
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: and 77 is what they're saying for the daytime high today. Real,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: real nice. A few clouds tonight, 56. Tomorrow, some thunderstorms
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: moving into the picture. By the afternoon, 78 degrees for
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: the high. And it looks like at this point, don't
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: get upset with me if you're a big Thunder Road fan.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: And you're planning on heading out to the races. Don't
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: shoot the messenger here. But they're saying thunderstorms continuing into
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Thursday night. So don't be surprised if the kibosh gets
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: put on the Thursday night racing tomorrow night. All right?
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: We're watching it carefully. It'll be okay. Friday, sun and
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: clouds both 73. Saturday weekend looks pretty good at this point. Saturday,
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  Speaker 1: sunshine 73. Lower 70s, upper 70s on Sunday with some
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: sun and some clouds. Bon Lafayette on the birthday list today.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Not sure how old he is, but happy birthday, Bon.
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  Speaker 1: Tim Campbell Sr., Josh Bailey, Jana Jenkins, Matt Perry, Danny Doyle,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Christine Peterson, James Litchfield, Jacob Larson. And Jason Gibbs, all
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  Speaker 1: celebrating birthdays today. Wednesday morning, Deb Phillips with us on
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  Speaker 1: the line. Deb, good morning. Can you hear me all right? Oh,
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  Speaker 1: looks like I've lost her for some reason. Not sure why. Deb,
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  Speaker 1: are you there?
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 3: Well, let's see if we.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Can get her. Deb, you with me?
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  Speaker 2: All right.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I think we can hear you. How are you? What's that?
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: How are you, Deb?
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  Speaker 2: I'm doing.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Fine.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Tell me about what's happening in the world. Well, the
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: papers just arrived this morning.
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: And everybody's out delivering them. And so in this week's world,
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: we have the back-to-school safety tips from A to Z.
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: These are good reminders to keep safe and healthy during
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: the school year. And if you're looking to do some
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: fall repayments or renovations, check out the Homeowner Service Guide.
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: These local professionals are the ones to call from your
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: roof to your basement. Don't forget to vote for the
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: best of the best. Voting for that ends August 30th.
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: And we have Lost Nation has a Vermont playwright, newest
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: play about women, clothes, and recognition. And Lenny's has their
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: annual Dirt Talk and Smart World.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Soft sales online.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. All right, Deb, we're having a hard time hearing you,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: so we're going to see if we can reconnect with
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  Speaker 1: you here at some point real soon. Deb Phillips from
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: The World talking about the sock sale and a few
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: other things, back-to-school stuff as well. It's out today, so
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: we're going to be obviously grabbing the paper, having a good,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: good look at it, and we'll be sharing a lot
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  Speaker 1: of what she was just talking about here just a
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  Speaker 1: minute ago. But Deb Phillips from The World. Every Wednesday
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  Speaker 1: it's out, and I look forward to getting it. I
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: know you do as well. Central Vermont's favorite weekly read
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: and has been for a very, very long time. I
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: have with me this morning a very special guy who
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  Speaker 1: has been part of Sweethearts and Heroes now for how long, Chad?
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  Speaker 1: How long has it been?
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  Speaker 2: About a year and a couple months.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's happened fast, man. Yeah. Chad Ultheiser, you are
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  Speaker 1: down in Jacksonville, North Carolina right now. Yes, we are.
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  Speaker 2: We were down here in Jacksonville for a couple of
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  Speaker 2: days working with, um, both sponsored by a Marine, uh,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: tilt rotor squadron. So Ospreys, if anybody's familiar with the Osprey, uh, airframe.
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  Speaker 2: So VMM 261 sponsored us to come down here and
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  Speaker 2: we were able to, do some work with their Marines,
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  Speaker 2: and then also some Marines from a training squadron and
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  Speaker 2: some young NCOs going through a corporals course. And we
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: had a few others in there from different units, but
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  Speaker 2: that's primarily who we spoke to and worked with this week.
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  Speaker 1: So you're in New River? Is that like right near Jacksonville?
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  Speaker 3: It is, yes, yes.
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  Speaker 2: It's Marine Corps Air Station New River, and it's basically
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: right here in Jacksonville.
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  Speaker 1: All right. So two full days yesterday, or Monday and yesterday, Tuesday,
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  Speaker 1: of doing some circle work there with Marines.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, we absolutely did, which was wild for me because
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  Speaker 2: I left the Marine Corps about a little over a
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  Speaker 2: decade ago now, and to be back on a base
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  Speaker 2: around Marines in uniform, it was full circle.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so we're talking about Yourself, we're talking about Rick
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  Speaker 1: Yarish and Tom Murphy, all of you. What was the
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  Speaker 1: reaction like when you're walking into a room with your
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  Speaker 1: brothers and sisters?
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  Speaker 3: There was a lot of emotion for me and I
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  Speaker 3: was nervous.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I wasn't sure how I was going to
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  Speaker 2: feel or even how this would be received. I mean,
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  Speaker 2: I know the the message and the work speak for itself,
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  Speaker 2: but you know, humans generally are a little bit, what do.
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  Speaker 3: I want to say? I'm not curious. What's the word
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  Speaker 3: I'm looking for, JD?
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  Speaker 1: Inquisitive.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, but more like, you know, I guess, especially the
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  Speaker 2: Marine Corps, when you bring an outside agency in and
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  Speaker 2: they're not Marines and they have this message and, you know,
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  Speaker 2: it might've been, explained as it's mental wellness or mental
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  Speaker 2: health or resiliency training or, you know, something like that.
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  Speaker 2: I think, um, maybe some folks walking into the room
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  Speaker 2: had some reservations, I guess that's what I'm looking for. And, um,
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  Speaker 2: you know, I, Rick and Tom have been doing this
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  Speaker 2: a long time. I've only been doing it about a
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  Speaker 2: year and a half, but, uh, you know, the feedback
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  Speaker 2: was overwhelmingly positive and just as it always is with
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  Speaker 2: those guys and their message. So, um, of course you
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: get partway through the first keynote and I'm sitting in
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  Speaker 2: the back and listening and watching reactions.
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  Speaker 3: And, uh, that took a lot of the nerves away.
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  Speaker 1: So you guys have, I have a fascinating, you, you
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  Speaker 1: have titled this, this circle work, the human factor.
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  Speaker 3: Yes.
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  Speaker 2: Um, so Marine Corps war fighting doctrine, um, we talk
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  Speaker 2: about human factors and essentially it's the things that.
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  Speaker 3: Are hard to measure.
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  Speaker 2: It's morale, it's discipline, it's, you know, an individual or
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  Speaker 2: a unit's ability to endure harsh environments.
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  Speaker 3: You know, it's really the will, it's the human will.
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  Speaker 2: And that will has to be protected and built and
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  Speaker 2: strengthened by taking care of the individual and investing in
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  Speaker 2: the individual. So, We just thought it was a really
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  Speaker 2: great name and a really great way to work with
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  Speaker 2: an organization where, you know, the individual is at the
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  Speaker 2: foundation of it.
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  Speaker 1: As a retired U.S. Marine Corps major, it is sitting
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  Speaker 1: next to Rick Yarish. also a combat veteran. Um, I
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  Speaker 1: can only imagine what was going through the minds of
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  Speaker 1: these other Marines sitting, sitting in a circle chatting with you.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I, you know, it was really powerful.
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  Speaker 2: And, um, I had one circle where, uh, a Marine
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  Speaker 2: captain who was a prior enlisted infantry Marine came in
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  Speaker 2: and sat down and the Marines in the circle were
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  Speaker 2: Marines that he was responsible for. Um, and you could
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  Speaker 2: tell he, he had a good, a good division, um,
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  Speaker 2: a good section and he was a good leader and
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  Speaker 2: he was engaged. And the feedback we got afterwards from
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  Speaker 2: him was, you know, he learned things about the Marines
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  Speaker 2: in that room that he just didn't know. And, and
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  Speaker 2: they learned things about each other that they didn't know. Um,
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  Speaker 2: which was fantastic. And we know that happens in circle.
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  Speaker 2: So that's great. But, what it did for me is
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  Speaker 2: it validated that you can have, even in an organization
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  Speaker 2: where there's a hierarchy, there's a chain of command, and
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  Speaker 2: it's very important in the Marine Corps. The Marine Corps
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  Speaker 2: is a war fighting organization and that chain of command
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  Speaker 2: is very important. So anything that would potentially compromise or
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  Speaker 2: undermine leadership's credibility could be really, really tricky and dangerous.
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  Speaker 2: But what I learned there in that first circle with
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  Speaker 2: that captain and with his Marines is that, you know,
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  Speaker 2: there does need to be a time and space, even
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  Speaker 2: for an organization like that, where people can be human
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  Speaker 2: together and you learn more about each other.
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  Speaker 3: And that just improves the trust.
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  Speaker 2: And, you know, what it really does in the Marine
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  Speaker 2: Corps is it improves implicit communication. And when you're on
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  Speaker 2: operations or you're on a mission where things need to
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  Speaker 2: move quickly and people need to understand each other. Um, there's,
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  Speaker 2: there's tasks that must be implied. That deeper understanding is really,
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  Speaker 2: really important. I just think it could, it could really strengthen, um,
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  Speaker 2: like I said, the individuals and the organization.
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  Speaker 1: It, it, it really, uh, it doesn't surprise me that
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  Speaker 1: Tom and Rick and all of you are now bringing
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  Speaker 1: your military to experience in leadership and risks to some
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  Speaker 1: of these high-risk professionals, companies all over the United States, trades,
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  Speaker 1: line workers, industries that are so susceptible to taking a
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: really hard hit when it comes to mental health. Let's
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  Speaker 1: just say it like it is, man.
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  Speaker 3: Absolutely. I mean, this, this work is, in my opinion,
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  Speaker 3: it's great for everyone.
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  Speaker 2: But it can really have an impact in these, you know,
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  Speaker 2: high stakes, high performing organizations, high risk, where the stress
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  Speaker 2: levels are high, you know, people spend time in that
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  Speaker 2: fight or flight state. And that, you know, makes you
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  Speaker 2: more susceptible to stress related injuries.
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  Speaker 3: But not just that, it just it doesn't.
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  Speaker 2: Leave you with the fully functioning, you know, thinking brain
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  Speaker 2: intact to make decisions in these high stakes environments. So
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  Speaker 2: if we can, you know, and this is a reference
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  Speaker 2: from from a book that kind of covers basic neurobiology,
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  Speaker 2: but we can widen people's emotional windows of tolerance. We
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  Speaker 2: just make them more effective for decision making and leading
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  Speaker 2: in these environments. Yeah.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: You know, I just had Melissa Kores on with me
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  Speaker 1: up in Alaska. And one of the things that we
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: said a week ago on the air, both of us,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: is that, man, if there's a profession that is.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to figure out a way to describe this.
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  Speaker 1: It's such high demand. There's... no time for complaining. There's
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: no time for thinking, rethinking, being distracted. It is super
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: high demand when, I mean, listen, I mean, let's just
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  Speaker 1: say it like it is. If we don't have our
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  Speaker 1: electricity back on, lives are at risk. I mean, We're
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: depending on these linemen and women so, so much, no
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: matter what the weather's doing, no matter what's happening in
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  Speaker 1: their own personal life, they have to shake it for
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: sometimes hours and hours on end and stay focused. Same
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: thing with the military.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: Absolutely. And I mean, You know, sometimes it could be
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: weeks or months, right?
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: Some of these storm calls where they relocate or, you know,
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: basically deploy to another part of the country or even
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: outside of the country. In some cases, I know linemen
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  Speaker 2: that have gone to other countries to help restore power
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  Speaker 2: in extreme situations.
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  Speaker 3: And yeah, it's high stakes.
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  Speaker 1: You guys are talking about more than just peer support networking.
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  Speaker 1: you guys are really digging into deep connections among humans
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  Speaker 1: beyond soldiers. We're talking about mental health. We're talking about
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: life-saving behaviors. We're talking about looking out for your, your brother,
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  Speaker 1: your sister, whether you're in a military uniform or not
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  Speaker 1: being accountable for for yourself but also for one another
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  Speaker 1: and man more of us need to hear stuff like
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: this even in the workplace man you know uh it's
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: even if you're working at it's a boring ass insurance
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: job am i right.
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  Speaker 2: 100 percent um behavior is a form of communication and
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  Speaker 2: if you don't understand and know the baseline behaviors for
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: the people that you're spending most of your time with,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: you won't catch a deviation from that baseline. And everybody's
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: carrying some kind of struggle. I mean, just life can
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: be challenging at times. And no one, regardless of their
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: position or rank, is impervious to those challenges. So the
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: more time we spend face to face with each other,
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: the more time we have eye contact with other humans,
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: especially the ones that we're teamed up with at work or,
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: you know, for other missions, the more likely we are
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: to really develop that deep connection and just better support
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: each other. You know, one of the things that I
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: think about, the Marine Corps added empathy.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: I was told this. I haven't seen it. Excuse me.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: I was told that the Marine Corps added empathy to
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: the leadership principles. And, you know, I think sometimes when
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: you think about a Marine and you think about empathy,
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: you think those things oppose each other, but they don't.
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  Speaker 2: So deepening that empathy is what allows humans to help
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: each other. And so, you know, when you're in need,
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I can recognize that I can help you. And when
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: I'm in need, you're able to recognize that and you
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: can help me. So I think that's really interesting. And
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: to your point, yeah, this is this is important for
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: humans you know and it's very important for people in
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: in the high stakes industries like the military and you
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: know high voltage line industry but.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: You i'm guessing chad would also say i mean i
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: guess you kind of have to especially a u.s marine
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: corps major you also understand that it's game time man
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: um it's showtime. We need to suck it up. And frankly,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: we'll talk about this maybe later.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: Sure. Yeah. But no, that is absolutely true.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: None of this is about softening the individual or lowering standards.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: It's, it's very much the opposite of that.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I want you to take us if, if you're willing to,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: through your PowerPoint presentation that you just presented in Cincinnati.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Are you, are you able to do that?
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: I think I am. Can you see my screen JD?
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we sure can, man.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Great.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Okay. Um, yeah, I'm happy to do that. And this
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: is a work in progress.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: And I just want to start by saying, um, I'm,
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: happy to share this story this is this is kind
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: of my story and i know it well i lived
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: it but um why i say it's a work in
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: progress is because i'm not sure that it hits the
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: mark with others um In terms of being relatable. And
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: that's all I care about. I only want to share
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: this story if it's going to help someone. And that's
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: that's the goal of it. I think it can do that.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure it's entirely there yet, but that's that's
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: what I'm working on.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: And so happy to share it with you. And hopefully, yeah.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Over time, it will really optimally resonate with people and
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: help them in their journey.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Wow. Take it away, my friend.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: You got it. I guess start from the beginning.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Talk a little bit about values, where my values came from.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: And I had a pretty defining moment as a young
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: child or young kid.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: So family, friends, extended community, my values came from all
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: of those places. And I was fortunate to grow up
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: in a community where I was raised by You know,
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: it takes a village and that's how I was raised.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: But the one person that stands out is my dad.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: And my dad joined the Marine Corps in 1967, I believe,
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: pretty much the height of Vietnam with a close high
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: school friend of his. And his high school friend went
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: to Vietnam with an infantry battalion and saw a lot
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: of heavy combat. My dad had orders to Vietnam, I think,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: two or three different times and never, never was deployed
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: to Vietnam as an active duty Marine. came home and
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: was serving as a volunteer fireman when he arrived on
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: the scene of a train derailment. He just stopped his
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: personal vehicle, excuse me, and went to the fire chief
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: that was commanding the scene at the time and said,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: how can I help? And they need a pump set
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: up in a nearby river to try and put the
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: fires out. but there were large LP tanks as part
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: of that train. And, um, several of them ended up exploding. Well,
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: in one of the explosions, he was hitting the back
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: of the legs and put face down into the frozen
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: dirt in upstate New York on a February day, February 12th, actually.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: Um, he tried to get up and run, but he couldn't.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: And, uh, eventually they got to him and they got
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: him on a stretcher, but they weren't able to strap
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: him down because there was another impending explosion. So, um,
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: After that subsequent explosion, the stretcher landed in one place
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: and he landed several yards or, you know, allegedly maybe
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: hundreds of yards away. And he could see from the
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: ground that that stretcher was burning. So, you know, just
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: by the grace of God, they didn't have the time
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: to strap him down to the stretcher or he wouldn't
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: he wouldn't have survived.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: He was I think he was the last one off
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: the field.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: And, you know, one of the facts I remember is
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: being told I wasn't born yet. is he didn't even
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: have a diastolic blood pressure when they got him in
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: the ambulance because his blood pressure was so low. He'd
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: broken both femurs. One of them severed an artery, his
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: femoral artery in his left leg. And for several months,
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: my mom was told, don't, don't go home alone. Don't,
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: don't be alone. We're going to probably have to call
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: you and let them know that, that he didn't make it.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Against all odds, he survived and he has a prosthetic leg.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: It's a full hip disarticulation. So, um, You know, he
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: basically straps this fiberglass bucket around his body and sits
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: down into this leg because he doesn't have any of
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: his femur left. So he was told he wasn't going
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: to have any more kids, but they decided to try.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: And I was born after his accident. So I grew
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: up with a man who, you know, just an incredible
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: example of strength and resilience and toughness and grit. He
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: worked every day. He did things with one leg that
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: people would shake their heads at. So that's really the
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: influence that shaped me as the young man, you know,
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: that kind of strength and resilience.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: And I had an older brother.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: He was about five years older than me. And when
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I was six years old, he came home one day
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: from shoveling snow with my dad and my grandfather and
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: he had a headache. And by the next morning, he
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: was saying that he had double vision. very quickly went
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: into diagnostic mode with local hospitals and determined that he had.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: A very aggressive brain tumor. Sorry, JD. It's different without
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: an audience here. Yeah.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: You know, virtually it's, uh, it's still a lot sometimes, but, uh,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: so 10 months later, my brother passed away in a
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: hospital bed about arms reach away from me. And, um,
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Got very, very hectic when that happened. My grandmother was there.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: My parents were in the room. Doctors and nurses were
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: scurrying in and out. And I was ultimately taken out
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: of the room. And the doctor had to take my
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: dad aside. My dad's name is Roy. And he said, Roy,
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: your son is fighting for you. You got to let
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: him know it's okay to let go. So my dad
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: went back in the room and he told Ryan it
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: was okay. And my brother passed that night. So our
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: lives were changed.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: Significantly.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: But in my mind, and there's other figures in my
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: life that contributed to this, you know, I have my dad,
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: who's an absolute legend, and I have an older brother
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: who demonstrated courage through his fight with cancer that, quite frankly,
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: I've never seen again in my life. So I always
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: sought out challenges. I always sought out the toughest things
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: I could do. And I decided after high school that
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I was going to join the Marine Corps. and enlisted
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: in the Marine Corps Reserves. But, you know, that kid
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: right there is not 12 years old, despite that he
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: looks like it. He's 17, and that's my senior photo.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: I graduated high school at 5'3 and 113 pounds. I've
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: had doctors tell me since then that, you know, maybe
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: it was a failure to thrive, that that trauma of
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: losing my brother had some impact on delayed growth.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: I have no idea. But I went to the Marine
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: Corps at 5'3, 113 pounds.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: And.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: That's me right there.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Wow. I, I didn't ask to be referred to as unbreakable. I,
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: my only fear going into bootcamp, it was nothing about
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: the physical challenges. It was, I knew I could, I
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: knew that I was physically capable, but I was afraid
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: that they would just reject me based on size alone. Um,
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: they didn't, you know, I met the standards and, um,
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: in most cases exceeded them and did very well in bootcamp.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: But kind of a funny side story, JD is at
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: one point during mess and maintenance week, my ankle swelled
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: up considerably and had to go to sick call, which,
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: you know, you never want to do that as a Marine,
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: but it took x-rays and determined I had cellulitis, some
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: kind of infection internally from maybe a blister or just
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: being on your feet for so many hours a day.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: As a recruit, when you end up in somebody's office,
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: you know that's not good because you don't go.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: Into people's offices. You're a recruit. You're in public.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Spaces and squad bays and you're outside, maybe in the
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: pit and the drill, the parade deck and whatnot. But
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: I'm in the office with a naval officer that's telling me,
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: we think you might have fraudulently enlisted because your growth
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: plates aren't closed yet. And not only do we need
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: to determine and verify that you are of age, but
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: also just the physical strain on a body that is
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: not fully developed is not healthy for you. So I
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: need you to come back tomorrow so we can look
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: into this. And each morning they had like basically a
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: sick call, you know, roster. And if you had a problem,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: you raised your hand or you asked to go to
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: sick call and you could go be evaluated. And I
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: went back to the squad bay after that. And our
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: scribe was there, our platoon scribe. And I said, I
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: was in tears. I said, I think they're going to
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: try and kick me out. And I'm supposed to go
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: back to sick call tomorrow. And I don't want to
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: get dropped from this platoon. And I don't, you know,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: for me, if I got sent home, no one's going
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: to believe that the Marine Corps sent me home and
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: I didn't, you know, ask for it.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, of course they said, you know, you,
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: of course you quit. You didn't make it. You're too small.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: We knew that, right?
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: Lots of people would have said that. And I just
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: wasn't going to have it. So he said, well, don't
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: go back. And I said, okay, that's a great idea.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: And I never went back and I kind of kept
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: my eye over my shoulder. And every time they'd call
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: me up to the senior drill instructor, HUD, I worried
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: that it was, you know, somebody from the base medical
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: or BAS saying, Hey, we need recruit all Pfizer to
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: come over here.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: And certainly they.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Would have verified through my birth certificate that I was
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: of age, but nonetheless avoided quite a pitfall there by
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: getting kicked out.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Amazing.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't know if it's amazing but it's true.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting here my mouth is open continue.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: So you know I was in the reserves as an
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: air crewman and I didn't love it it didn't feel
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: like the Marine Corps it was hard for me to
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: to make that transition frequently from college student to reserve
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Marine on the weekends. And there were flight hour commitments
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: that were tough to keep up with and stuff, but
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: I really did like the Marine Corps.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: It just, it was a place where everybody's accepted.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: If you meet the standard, you're one of us, you know,
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: and I don't know, it just resonated with me. So
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: while I was in college, I went to officer candidate
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: school and I eventually got commissioned as a second Lieutenant and,
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: I deployed for combat in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom One.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: So that was our invasion of Iraq and toppling Saddam
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: and his army. Came home for about four or five
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: months and we got orders back to Iraq because things
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: were deteriorating and the 1st Marine Division went back to
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Anbar Province and we were there. My unit was there
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: from February until September and I actually rotated in July
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: at PCS to another duty station.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: And then.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Went to some schools, did a B billet, you know,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: did some things. I was receiving accolades. I was being
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: endorsed as a good Marine, a good officer, a good leader.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: It meant a lot to me. I loved Marines. I
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: wanted to serve them. I wanted to lead them. I
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: wanted to be the selfless leader that Marine leaders are
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: known to be. In 2009, I went to Afghanistan and
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: that was pretty challenging deployment for me. I was in
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: charge of a battery, artillery battery. We did mostly provisional security.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: And infantry missions.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: And after that, I was nominated for the Leftwich Trophy.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: It's one of the biggest honors in my life. My
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: nomination was one of two from the First Marine Division. And,
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: you know, certainly it went to a much more deserving officer,
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: but I was really.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Proud of that.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: And, you know, I take this quote from one of
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: my early fitness reports. It said, I excel in high
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: operational tempo and sleep deprived environments. Um, but there was
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: an issue because while that was happening, um, I still
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: didn't feel like enough. I just internally, some of the
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: decisions and things I did in combat felt like mistakes
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: made me feel like I was incompetent.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: I wasn't worthy of the rank. Um, I wasn't worthy of.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: You know, wearing the uniform and I just, I was
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: really struggling with my internal dialogue and I won't go
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: through these specific incidents, but there are a couple of
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: things specifically that happened that were profound to me and
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: that I internalized as failures and as reasons that I
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: just I wasn't good enough.
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: And that picture on the right is a Humvee from
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: one day in Ramadi.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: Iraq, where we took some civil affairs Marines down to
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: the government center. And on our way out, we got ambushed.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: we saved all the Marines that were in that vehicle.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: Some were, two were pretty seriously wounded. Two more were injured,
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: but not quite as seriously. And it was a pretty
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: chaotic day. I still talk to those Marines on occasion.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: That changed their lives. It changed my life. You know,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: it's just, it's one of those things. It's part of
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: going to combat, but when you have this underlying belief
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: and an issue with not being enough, you know, it was.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: Pretty, pretty profound for me.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: So, Um, before I get to this, I just want
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: to say I was, I was at TBS, the basic
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: school where we train lieutenants.
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: I was a staff on the staff there.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: I was two-time company commander and was really, really struggling inside. I,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I did my first stop actually after my Afghanistan deployment
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: was to the deployment health office. I was having chronic
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: migraines and a lot of dysregulation emotionally. I just getting angry, not,
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: not just having a really hard time. I didn't know
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: what it was, but indecision. Probably, you know, some executive
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: function issues that were not typical, the headaches, all of
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: this stuff was just making me think something's going on.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: And so I started that process in 2010, late 2009,
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: early 2010, like something's not right here. But ultimately, I
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: didn't get assigned to the Medical Evaluation Board until 2013. Um,
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: it was just a couple of days before I was
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: supposed to leave Virginia and go back to California. And, um,
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: the regimental commander at 11th Marines had, had requested me
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: to come back to 11th Marines, which was great. I
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: was honored, but I had to call him just a
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: few days before making the trip out there and say,
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: you know, sir, I'm really sorry, but I'm, I'm being
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: assigned to a medical evaluation board for, um, medical retirement.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: It surprised a lot of people, including me. Um, I
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: guess actually in hindsight, maybe it didn't surprise me that much.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: It surprised others. I tried to keep my struggles and
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: my fears and that stuff internalized. I just didn't know
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: any other way to deal with it. So really profound
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: moment for me was on this medical evaluation board when
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: a Marine Colonel looked at me and he said, um,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: you know, you have fitness reports in here from guys
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: that I look up to and they say you walk
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: on water. So we just don't understand what the problem is. And, uh,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: there was another Colonel on that board. It was two
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: Marine Colonels and a, and a Naval medical officer. And he,
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: he said, um, you know, I see you and your wife,
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: you had a child in the last year, year and
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: a half. So, you know, I just don't see how
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: things can be that bad if you can go ahead
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: and decide to have another kid. And I won't use
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: the words that I won't paraphrase what I think he
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: was saying, but he basically called me a, called me weak,
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: you know, and, um, That single day incident brought me
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: closer to making the ultimate destructive decision than anything else
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: that happened in my life to that point. So the
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: mentors and the people that I knew, that I worked
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: close with, that knew me were very, very supportive. I
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: won't go into a by name list of these men
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: and women, but I was very fortunate to be surrounded
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: by people that I call brothers and sisters.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Leading up to the med board.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: And then afterwards, of course, just a team of professionals
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: at the traumatic brain injury clinic in Fort Belvoir, operational therapists,
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: art therapists, went through equine therapy, you know, individual therapy.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: I was sent to a 10 week residential program where
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: I was grouped up with a small cadre of other
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: Marines dealing with similar injuries and went through a few
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: different modalities of treatment there. But, you know, even after that,
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: I was going to the ER probably three or four
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: times a year for migraines. And I'd get, you know,
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: an IV of migraine cocktail and some hydration to help
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: alleviate the pain and ended up getting an occipital nerve block.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: From the VA.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: I guess this is just a long way of saying
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: there was extensive care available to me.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: And I'm very grateful for that.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: But the cost of trying to bury these things from
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: childhood through, you know, the Marine Corps and three combat
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: tours was extensive. And I don't know about the dollar cost.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: I think if I went through with somebody that could
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: help me estimate it, that probably is pretty close. And
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: the thousands of hours of lost work and just investing
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: in trying to understand what was going on with me
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: inside me. But the real cost was to my family.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: And honestly, that I can't calculate that. And I'm still
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: paying for some of that choices that I made, limitations
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: that I had and how that affected my kids and
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: my marriage at the time.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: Ultimately, I got divorced.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: And while my ex-wife and I have a pretty solid
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: relationship now, you know, it just that was that was
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: another thing that I lost as part of trying to
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: hide this pain and bury it deep. So we get
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: here to smart circles and I'm not going to talk
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: about the science of any of this, but, um, really
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: it's just a repetitive opportunity to share emotion, um, to
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: be embodied with other humans and to build trust and empathy,
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: but it's simple. It's action-based and it's life-saving. Duck this example.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: JD is the motto at officer candidate school. It means
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: lead by example. And, um, I took this quote, but
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: what you do speak so loudly that I can't hear
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: what you say. And what I want to do now
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: is set the example through my experience that if you
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: talk about the things that are hard to talk about
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: early and often, and again, maybe I often, I don't
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: want to mislead anyone and think you should just walk
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: around and talk about your traumas on, you know, a
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: daily or a you know, overwhelming basis, but there's got
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: to be a time and space where men and women
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: can sit together and share some of the things that
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: they've dealt with. And what happens is we do that
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: in circle and we realize that those challenges and those
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: things are actually our strengths. They're the things that make
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: us strong and resilient and capable and everybody's got them.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: Everybody's gone through hard things. If somehow they don't think
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: they have or they've been spared to this point, they're
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: not going to be spared forever.
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: We're all going to encounter challenges in our lives.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: So a space to sit with people, to build that trust,
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: to build that empathy and Um, it's just, I, I
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: can't say enough how important I think that is.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: And how in my case, you know, I don't know
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: if it would.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: Have prevented me from needing the kind of restorative work
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: that I ultimately ended up needing, but it certainly would
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: have helped, you know, certainly would have helped, um, kind
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: of a clarification here.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: Cause people might be wondering, well, this guy was.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: A Marine and he had to have brothers and sisters
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: close to him and how, how come they didn't know
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: how come they couldn't help him and That is true.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: I had, you know, some of the best friends I've
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: made in my life were made in the Marine Corps.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: And I felt connected. I felt like I had support,
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: but I didn't know what I didn't know. I didn't
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: know how to share these things in a way where
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: somebody else could carry some of it or tell me
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: it's okay. And I think I internalized things for so
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: long that that belief system of not being enough may
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: not have been able to be course corrected with a
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: peer network without a deliberate practice, um, of doing it.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: So just, you know, we spent a lot of time together.
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: We talked together, we communed and broke bread together. We
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: drank beers together.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: We did all these things, but we didn't know or
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: have a facilitator get us together and take the conversation deeper. Um,
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: To where everybody is able to offload and share some
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: of the some of the burden they're carrying.
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: So I was well, well surrounded by great people. I
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: think I maybe.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Just didn't know how to talk about this stuff or
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: we as a collective weren't. shown, hey, look, here's a practice.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: Here's a way to talk and communicate and share that
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: is a designated time and space. And this will help
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: you offload some of these challenges.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: That you're carrying. Got to talk about gratitude.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: I'm really fortunate that I was a Marine on active
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: duty when I needed the help I needed because I
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: got it. And like I said, there's extensive resources available there,
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: but Unfortunately, you know, it would have been much better
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: if I didn't require those resources and I didn't lose
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: my career, my sense of belonging, my sense of purpose
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: at that time. But just incredible gratitude for the medical
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: resources and the people that helped me get through that time.
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: And I'm still getting through it.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: You know, there's still things that are tough, but yeah,
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: just super grateful for everything that's happened. There's a great
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: Latin quote, and I don't know, you really just, there
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: can't be enough great Latin quotes, but amor fati, and
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: it just means to love, love fate. Everything that happens
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: to us happens for a reason, even the tough things.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: So I try to remember that on the hard days,
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: and I certainly try to share that with others as
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: they navigate their challenges. Life goes on, like I talked
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: about a little bit, you know, there's a picture of
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: me in uniform, and I probably look pretty strong in
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: that picture, but I can tell you because I remember
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: when it was taken and where I was that there
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: was a lot of pain on the inside.
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: And when I took that uniform off, I thought some of.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: That pain would go away, but it probably exacerbated the
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: pain because now I no longer had that sense of
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: belonging and that sense of purpose that I had as
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: a Marine. But yeah, that picture there, there's a lot
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: of internal pain. The middle picture is just an opportunity
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: I had after I got out. I went back to
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: college for a minute and went to Everest Base Camp
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: as part of a human research on high altitude study,
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: which is really cool. And this picture on the far
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: right is me about 26 miles into a hundred mile
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: race at high altitude. And one of the reasons I
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: share that is because You know, I'm an escapist. I
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: found all kinds of ways to escape my pain, whether
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: it was binge drinking on weekends or Ironman distance races
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: or ultra marathons and ultra mountain bike distance races. I
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: was pretty good at finding ways to escape my pain.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: And now I have a different relationship with those things.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: I still love the challenge. I love the physical pain
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: of it. But if you look at that picture on
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: the left compared to that picture on the right, It's
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: really funny to me, and it's just the exact opposite.
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: Of what you think.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: I'm actually a very happy, fulfilled human in that picture
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: on the right. I know that face. That face is,
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: there was some physical pain, but I was loving it.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: And, uh, on the left, you have.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: This stoic, stoic person looking back at you. Um, and
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of pain buried in that human there.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: So it's kind of the dichotomy of what we see
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: isn't always what is what, what we see isn't always
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: what's happening.
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: Um, So this is it.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Here I am.
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: At that point, you know, I'm still feeling like I
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: am not enough.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: I've got some ribbons and badges and some rank on
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: my collar that means something in the organization of the
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: Marine Corps, but I didn't feel like enough. That picture
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: in the middle, I wouldn't use the term broken, but
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: that's somebody that is, he doesn't know what path he's on.
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: Lost, troubled, challenged.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: And that was that was a process in and of itself.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: You know, it was probably close to a decade of
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: work that I put in to get where I am today. And,
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: you know, it says enough under that picture on the right.
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: And I don't know yet.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: I gave this brief yesterday to a group of officers
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: at the squadron and I got done and I had
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: the opportunity to talk to their commanding officer, who's a
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: lieutenant colonel in the Marine Corps. a rank I never achieved.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: You know, I got out before I had that opportunity
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: and we were just discussing things about the message that
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: I shared and about our experiences. And he asked me
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: something about that, if that still shows up that feeling
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: of not enough and it sure does. Um, but you know, um,
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: that's why I believe in the circle practice. That's why
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: I continue to show up for things that are important
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: to me. I try to follow things that are valuable
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: to me. Um, you know, leaning into being a good dad,
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: leaning into being a partner with my ex-wife. And that's
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: challenging sometimes, you know, because we all have our own
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: things and our own perspective.
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: But yeah, that's it. I am enough, JD. I try
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: to remind myself of that.
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: And more importantly, I try to remind other people of that,
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: other men and women that you are enough, despite what
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: you're going through. despite the things that you may have
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: on the inside that are burning you up.
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: You are enough.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: And if you find a space and a way to
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: talk about those things, to get them out, to share them,
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: it's not going to make you weaker.
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: It's going to make you stronger. And I'm committed to
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: doing that. I'm committed to helping people on their journey.
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: Because again, that helps me too. And this is it.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: This is a picture of me with my kids last
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: year at my daughter's high school graduation. That's my middle son, Jacob.
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of emotion around this too. The years
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: that I served in the Marine Corps and I was.
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: In pain, I don't know.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: I don't feel like I was a very good dad.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: I wasn't a great husband in some ways. I love
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: those kids more than anything. My work is about being
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: the best I can be for them. and helping other
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: people be the best they can be for themselves and
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: their families.
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: Because I said, we all get Rick says it best.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: Um, we all get, we don't all get blown up literally,
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: but we all get blown up on the inside and
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: there's no comparison.
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: For whose trauma is worse than somebody else's.
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: I spent a lot of time comparing my trauma. Part
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: of the reason I didn't share the deeper components of
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: my own story much, much sooner is because I just,
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: I didn't think that that was reason enough for me
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: to feel the pain I was feeling.
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: I thought, man, this is, this is not enough.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: You know, I knew Marines that had endured so much
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: more in combat had been in sustained heavy combat every
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: day as leaders and Marines and infantry units. And what
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: I did just, I didn't, it didn't measure up.
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: It didn't compare.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: So I must just have this weakness, you know, and, um,
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: That belief system was wrong. It's flawed. It doesn't matter
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: what you've gone through. It's what you've gone through. And
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: the way it affects you is the way it affects you.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: There are people in this world that are eager to
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: help you carry that weight so that you don't have
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: to feel the guilt of not only not being enough, but,
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: you know, missing out on quality time with your kids
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: or your spouse or Man, that's painful to think about
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: because I wasn't where I needed to be for times
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: in my life.
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: And I just have an incredible amount of guilt.
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: And there's just, I love those three kids more than,
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: more than anyone else in this world. And Yeah, just
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: a lot of emotion there with that one. But I
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: appreciate you giving me the opportunity, JD. Again, I hope
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: this is relatable to people. And I don't want them
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: to think about my trauma or whether or not that
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: was profound or not. I want them to think about
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: how can they be helped? How can they help others?
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: That's what the human experience is about. And I'm eager
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: to help others. That's why I'm here.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Chad, how old are your kids?
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: My daughter's 19, so actually she'll be 20 this November.
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: My middle son, Jacob, is 17, and my youngest, Max,
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: is 12. And I should say ours, because I don't
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: want to leave Tara out of this. We were married
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: for a long time.
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: Do you... Has this... Has this... powerpoint presentation have your
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: kids heard this.
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: No not entirely they have not.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: Do you feel that your kids really know how much
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: you love them.
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: I think so. I think they do.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: Um, have they, you know, but yeah, I think, I
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: think they probably do. Um, but I, I'm going to
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: continue to try and show them and tell them in
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: all the ways that I can and to continue, continue
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: to improve my own wellbeing so that I can, you know,
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: get better at demonstrating and showing that it's a process,
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: you know, I've, I've come a long way. I'm, certainly
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: far better than I was four or five years ago,
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: or definitely 10 years ago.
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: But, um, you know, there's no stop for me.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: I think life is a project and I'm, I'm trying
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: to get better every day.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: Um, not only for myself, but for the people that
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: I love and care about in my life.
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: Not being enough. Those are, those are some words that, um,
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: a lot of us have heard. I've got an 11
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: year old girl who just started her first day of
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: sixth grade today.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: So, you know, what kids are dealing with, I mean, 12,
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: 17 and 19, are you, what are you doing to
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: make sure that your kids know that they are enough?
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: Like I said, I try to tell them, I try
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: to show them through actions and remind them. And, you know,
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: I think, what does it mean to be enough? God,
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to answer that question. I think
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: it's different for everybody. But for me now, I think
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: it's just, we are enough, you know, just as we are. Now,
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: that doesn't mean you just sit back and let it ride. But, um,
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: that means while you're working to improve and to be better,
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: you just have to know you're enough just as you are,
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: you know?
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: Um, I struggle with my faith, JD, but, you know, at.
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: The end of the day, I, I almost said right there,
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: God created us. And, um, and I was going to say,
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know, is that true? And do I believe that?
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: And, I do. I think I do. Um, God created
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: us and, and all the things that we go through.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: Um, like I said before, I'm more, I'm more fatty,
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: you know, love your fate.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: It's there's a design.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: Um, it's our, we are living a life that was
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: designed for us. Um, and we're enough in that life.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: And that's, that's all I can really think to say
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: about it. Um, it's a challenge for all humans to, to,
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: to believe and know they're enough, but it comes back
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: to the importance of being in community, being in a team,
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: being in a, a place where you sit together heart
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: to heart, soul to soul, and you have time to
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: go into some of these deeper experiences and you don't
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: try to run from them like they're explosives.
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: You know, my, the.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: Loss of my brother, um, It's not that I didn't
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: talk about it at times, but I didn't get close
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: to it. I was so afraid of the emotion around that,
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: that when I talked about it was very superficial.
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: It was from a distance.
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: And I know now that the way to disarm those
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: things that are buried deep within us are to move
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: closer to them, to share them, to feel the emotion
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: of it, not to avoid it, not to escape it.
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: And that's, that's a hard thing to do. I still
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: struggle with it.
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: You know, I don't have it figured out entirely, but
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: I'm getting closer.
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: You got the old eyes welled up here this morning.
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, mine too.
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: You know, you talk about vulnerability being courage and, and
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: sometimes it doesn't feel like that, but I know it's
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: true that it is. And I know that the more
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: vulnerable I'm able to be with my own story and
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: the more likely I am to help somebody else that's
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: going through it.
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: And everybody's going to go through it at some point.
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: You mentioned trauma comparison. Here you are in circle groups
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: in Jacksonville, North Carolina, with Tom Murphy from Sweethearts and
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: Heroes and Rick Yarish, another brother. who's sitting right next
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: to you, who's got, what, 80% of his skin burned
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: off from a roadside explosion while he was serving in
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: the Middle East. I think it was 2006. Doesn't matter.
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: That's right. September 1st, 2006.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: So, I mean, here's a guy who, and he's been
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: in the studio with me and we've talked about this
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: where he's like, you know, I've said to him, Rick,
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm, I'm afraid to complain to you about
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: any shit that I'm carrying or the bad day that
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: I had yesterday, um, or the diagnosis that came down
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: the pipe or whatever it may be. And, um, he
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: told me that a lot of people that he's had
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: this conversation with and he is, um, he's like your,
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: your trauma, your, your, your bad day, your bad week,
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: bad year is not to be compared. It's real. It's big.
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: It's the biggest thing going on. And he, you can't
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: compare these things. You just have to, we have to
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: learn to connect with others, seek, seek help when, when
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: we need it, learn to do that, which for some
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: of us is, is literally impossible. I mean, we, we,
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: we don't know how to do that. Um, but to
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: connect with others, to get help, to be better and
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: to get beyond things. And regardless of the magnitude of
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: that trauma, don't rate it as a two or an
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: eight or a 10. What, what, what say, what say you,
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: how do you feel when you talk to Rick?
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great point, JD. A couple of things
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: came to mind.
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: One is, you know, during the keynote, as Tom introduces Rick, um,
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: as one of the world's hope experts. Um, and that
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: might be an understatement, you know? Um, so yeah, measuring
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: this trauma or these experiences we have and comparing them,
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: I think it's almost a way of encouraging ourselves to
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: keep it quiet, to keep it internalized, which is the
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: most dangerous thing we can do.
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: Um, If I think for me with Rick, the opportunity
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: to be with him regularly over the last year and
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: change and to to talk with him, to hear that
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: he's also still living the same human experience as everyone else,
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: you know, despite the fact that he lost his hands
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: and his ears and his nose and his.
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: Hair leg, his legs. Right.
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: You know, those things are physical things he lost and
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: he has learned, figured it out how to live a
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: full life without those things that that is an example that,
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: you know, is just you can't.
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: Compare to that.
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, he's still dealing. with the
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: same challenges that the rest of us are dealing with work,
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: life balance, you know, kids, spouses, wives, friends, relatives, you know, we,
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: we're all just interacting in this world and dealing with
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: things that can be difficult, you know, but he'll, he'll
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: say like the way we get through difficult things is
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: by having people support us and by us supporting people.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: And we know with the advent of cell phones that
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: empathy has been cut in half in the last 25
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: or 30 years. And we have to get back to
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: that as a foundation of human connection. And the way
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: we do that is, you know, sitting together in community,
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: facilitating conversations that allow us to go deeper and to
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: share these things. So the comparison of trauma is a
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: big thing. I've certain when I first met Rick, I'll
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: never forget it. I was at a Tunnels to Towers event.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: I went over to him and introduced myself and shook
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: his hand. And I thought, you know, I'm here as
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: part of a veteran organization that helps wounded and injured
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: veterans get back into living a full life. And it's,
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: you know, it was a Team Semper Fi event, recovery
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: through sport.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: And I went and introduced myself to Rick.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: And I'll be honest with you, I wanted to go
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: get my truck and drive home and say, I don't
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: deserve any of this. Yeah. You know, my trauma doesn't
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: compare to what this guy's been through. But it's hard
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: for me to say this and it's hard for me.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: To really believe it. But but it does because it's mine.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: And I went through it, you know, and it was hard.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: So I think that's what Rick is trying to show
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: the world is that, yes, he has had to adapt
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: and to figure it out. With losing parts of his
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: body that most people can't think about living a life without.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: But he doesn't see that as worse than the person
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: who went through a divorce.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: The person that lost their job or the person that lost,
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: you know, a spouse or a son or a daughter.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's just incredible the strength of that.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: Is it makes him a hope expert and beyond. And
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not trying to be a hope expert, but I
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: want people to know that whatever you've gone through, it's
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: what you've gone through.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: And it's important.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: It's important for you to be able to share that
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: and to move through it. And you do that with
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: other humans.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: Tom embodies this notion as well so much. I mean,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: we've heard Tom say, That when he meets kids in
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: schools and he hears stories, which are all unique, everything's different.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: No matter what it is, it's really, I think Tom
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: has used the word a gift. It really is. It's
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: a life experience that could be utilized as a gift
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: to someone else, if not Relatability, empathy, compassion, understanding.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 3: That's a really great way to put it.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: I'm going to steal that and I'm going to reframe
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: my experiences as a gift.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: And that's a great way to get people to.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: Understand that those tough things that they go through and
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: those challenges they face They can be a gift to
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: others because others are going to go through very similar things.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: If not the same experience, if not the same trauma,
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: they're similar. And it's a gift to share those experiences
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: because someone else can learn and grow from it.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: Listen, man, I also struggle with my faith. But there's,
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: and I think about it all the time. But there's
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: part of me that, you know, one of the things
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: that I do, have done more over the last five
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: years than probably ever before, now at age 55, is
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: I spend time out on the back patio. It's very
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: dark at night up here in Vermont. And just to
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: look up and look at the stars and just think,
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: What am I? Where am I? How tiny am I?
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: Are there other human life out there? Are the planets aligned?
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: And what are they doing? And how are we all connected?
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: And who's out there? Who's looking at me? I'm looking
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: at them. And I do this all the time. But
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: there's part of me that just kind of feels that
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: power of the universe, whatever, that something or someone has
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: cherry-picked Rick Yarish, Tom Murphy, and you all together and said,
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: I got a plan for these dudes. And it's far beyond...
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: schools and empowering children to do more, be better. It's
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: gone much, much deeper than that with Sweethearts and Heroes.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: You guys really have got this thing by the neck.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, Tom and Rick, for sure.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: The team that Tom assembled behind the scenes, especially incredible
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: people and I joined the team just the last year
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: or so, but certainly want to want to give all
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: of myself for the purpose of.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 3: Making people feel and be more connected.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: Interesting thing, J.D., you talk about the universe and you
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: look at things and how they happen. So yesterday I
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: was in the ready room at the squadron there.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 3: The tilt rotor squadron that we worked with.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: And on the screen, so it's, uh, this picture right here.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: So I'm in this picture on the left, the two,
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: two people away from me. So that gentleman in the
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: dark blue shirt, um, with the tattoos on his arms.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: His name is John and we've worked with him. Um,
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 2: Tom and John have become really good friends. I don't
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: know him as well. I've been in a circle with him. Um,
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 2: talk to him, met him a few different times at
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: different events, but, um, But he's in a leadership position
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: with a very large electrical contracting company.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 3: And we've, like I said, we've worked with him. John
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 3: and Tom talk regularly.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 2: John was the person that came up and demonstrated the
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: perspective stick at one of the keynotes.
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 3: Just whatever.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: He's in Long Island, New York.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 3: We're here in Jacksonville with some Marines. And so.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: I get done with my presentation and Tom sends me
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: a text. And it was a message from John. One
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: of the Marine officers in that room was trained and
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 2: taught by John as he prepared himself to go into
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: a career in the military.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 3: And he sent John the picture.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: And John's first response was, hey, I think they stole
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: that from Sweethearts and Heroes.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 3: It might be a copyright thing. I got to get
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 3: in touch with Tom.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: And so- you know, the universe connecting someone that we've
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: worked with in the high voltage line industry to a
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: Marine in the room on day two of our opportunity
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: to work with the Marine Corps, the universe doesn't really
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: get it wrong.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 3: Does it? Interesting.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: That's so profound, man. I, you know, Final question this
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: morning for you. And this is just off the cuff here.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: And just a gargantuan thank you to you for your time,
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: your story, your willingness to share, to be so vulnerable,
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: to connect with others is massive, Chad. But final question.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: and I know I'm kind of putting you on the
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: spot here, but we talk about mental health all the time.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: We talk about bullying. We talk about a lot of stuff,
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: positive stuff, but also real stuff that a lot of
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: us are walking around with a lot of anger, whether
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: it's rooted in politics or whatever. Mental health is a huge,
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: huge thing. And there's a lot of people that are
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: suffering deeply, even though they're putting on nice clothes.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: And they got a firm handshake and they're putting a
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: really good smile on their face.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: And might even be really funny. But what do you say, Chad,
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: to someone who is deeply suffering to the point where
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: they have thought about or wondered what it would be
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: like if they just checked out.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: And left the pain behind, relieved themselves of the weight
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: that they're continuously carrying. What do you say?
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 3: Wow. I'm just trying to think about.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: What I would say, um, what I told myself at
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: times that I ideated or contemplated that, that decision, um, don't,
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: you're just going to transfer the pain.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 3: And I don't know that that's something that people think.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: About when they're in the moment of contemplation when it's, uh, impulsive,
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 2: but when You do have a clearer mind when you
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: can think through it. Just know that that's going to
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 2: transfer the pain to people that love you and you
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: are loved. There are people that love you. I've lost
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 2: friends to suicide and it's devastating because you just continue
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 2: to ask yourself, what could I have done? What could
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: I have said? What if I called them?
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 3: So, JD, I don't really know how to answer other
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 3: than just please don't.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: You know, there are people in this world that love
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: you and care about you. And if you don't believe that, um,
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 2: my God, how do I put my phone number out
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 2: there or something, you know, just to say like, we'll
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: get you connected. You know, it, it may not be,
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: you may need more than, um, just sitting in community
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: with other humans. You may need some restorative help, you know,
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: and there's nothing wrong with that either. We, we'd ideally
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 2: like to avoid that and do the stuff on the
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: preventive side and to the left or ahead of an
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: incident that has you thinking about that ultimate destructive decision. But,
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: you know, there are a lot of resources out there
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: and there are people that want to help those that
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: are struggling and carrying a heavy, heavy load that feels unbearable.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: So please just don't just hold on. Possibilities exist, right?
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: That's what we're really getting at. I think took me
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: a little talking outside of myself to, to remember that
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: that's what it is.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 3: It's hold on possibilities exist.
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 2: It's a moment that you've got to get through that,
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: that impulsive, you know, desire to escape the pain, to
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: get away from it forever.
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 3: And please don't hold on possibilities exist.
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 1: And if you don't believe that there are others that
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: will absolutely slam the brakes on their own lives to
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: stop everything and sit and listen or help in any
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: way they can try them.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: Try them. Yeah, man. I want to show you something. Um, this,
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: these are just, uh, some of the notes that I
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: have taken this morning.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: Double sides.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 3: You're incredible, man. That's cool.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: Double sides. And I want to show Tom this too,
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: because this, you unpacked a ton, man. There's a lot
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: here to digest, but this is something where these notes,
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you right now, what's going to happen. They're
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: going to get folded up and they're going to get
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: put in my pocket. And then I'm going to carry
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: them around all day. No, truthfully. And then tonight, when
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: I get ready to get in bed, these notes are
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: going to come out and I'm going to sit and
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: reread them. May even go back and watch and or
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: listen to this episode and digest it a little bit more.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: But these are notes that are, this is a gift.
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: This is a real gift, man. that deserves to be
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: reread and shared with others that may not have been
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: able to catch this episode. And I hope that the
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: folks that are listening will reshare this one because, well,
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: obvious reasons here. This is really, really powerful stuff, man.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: You have, Tom is real blessed. I know you're blessed
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 1: to have him in your life. And I know you're
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: blessed to have Rick in your life, but Tom is
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: real blessed to have you as a member of his
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: team of Sweethearts and Heroes. I think he knows that, though.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: He does.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we all feel pretty blessed, J.D., like
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 2: beyond measure.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: That's back to the gratitude piece.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 2: This is an opportunity to help others in a way
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 2: that I just wouldn't have been able to figure out
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: on my own. The desire was there, but what Sweethearts
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 2: and Heroes has built and the opportunity available to share
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: our gifts with others.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 3: That's very, very fortunate.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: I think it was last winter that I had you on.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: And I said this, and I'll say it again. I
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: can't wait for the day I get to meet you, bud,
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 1: in the flesh. I just can't wait, man.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right on. Same. Likewise. Thank you.
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: Thanks for coming on with us, man, all the way
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: from North Carolina this morning. You're off to hop a
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: jet and do some other real profound work with Tom
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: and the rest of the team over there. Thanks so much, Chad.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 3: Thank you, J.D. Much appreciated.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: Wow. Chad Ultheiser, my guest this morning. on aired out.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: Sweethearts and heroes.com. Check them out. Find out what they're
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: what they're bringing to this world, whether it's in a school, company,
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: in industry. Learn more about them. Spread the word. And
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: I you know, I have to end by saying I
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: am so blessed over the last what two years I
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: think it's been where Every Wednesday, we devote the airwaves
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: to Sweethearts and Heroes and everything that they're doing. And
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 1: it's so much. And if you listen regularly, you know that.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: Because we've gone up and down every hill and we're
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: still traveling together. Thanks for catching the show this morning.
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: God bless you. Take good care.