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An Atheist Drug Dealer Saw Heaven - What Happened Is Miraculous · Prioritize Your Life

0:00
Speaker 1: If you're there, and I knew that if there was
0:03
Speaker 1: something there, that anybody on the other side, if there
0:05
Speaker 1: was another side, knew I didn't know. And I'm like,
0:09
Speaker 1: you know I don't know. I have nothing to hide.
0:11
Speaker 1: I need help.
0:12
Speaker 2: I need you to take this from me because I
0:13
Speaker 2: don't know how to do this. Nothing is stopping this addiction.
0:25
Speaker 2: Welcome to Prioritize Your Life and PrioritizeYourLife.com. I'm Wesley Lapioli,
0:30
Speaker 2: and our guest today is Nate Hales.
0:33
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having me.
0:36
Speaker 3: Today, something that we haven't talked about in depth, and
0:41
Speaker 3: I feel like you have a very singular experience, but
0:46
Speaker 3: what your experience helped you with, I feel like is
0:49
Speaker 3: probably I don't have any other way to define it
0:52
Speaker 3: as one of the many plagues in our earth. Knowing
0:56
Speaker 3: a little bit of what you've experienced, one, I'm so
1:01
Speaker 3: grateful that you're able to come and to share because
1:04
Speaker 3: I know there's people that are going to need to
1:07
Speaker 3: hear what you have to say that are trying to
1:09
Speaker 3: pull themselves out of one different form of addiction or another.
1:14
Speaker 3: So thank you so much. And with that, I'll just...
1:18
Speaker 3: turn the time over to you to share.
1:21
Speaker 1: Thanks. Yeah, I know a little bit about addiction, and
1:25
Speaker 1: I think that's probably one of the reasons you and
1:28
Speaker 1: I are talking right now, and I think it's important
1:30
Speaker 1: to shed some light on what happened with me, and
1:33
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that it can help other people. And my
1:37
Speaker 1: experience is not that unique for certain groups of people,
1:43
Speaker 1: but it's pretty unique for the type of people that
1:47
Speaker 1: I used to be. I don't know if that's a
1:49
Speaker 1: proper way to say it, but I'm not a professional
1:53
Speaker 1: actor or anything. Part of my experience is pretty sensational
1:57
Speaker 1: in a way. And if I saw it and I
1:59
Speaker 1: was watching this, I would be, I know I watch
2:03
Speaker 1: a lot of other stuff that I'm like, eh, I
2:04
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. You know, if somebody's had
2:06
Speaker 1: an experience like this in broad daylight without drugs or
2:09
Speaker 1: meditation or without dying, because what happened to me was
2:13
Speaker 1: a lot like a near death experience. And that's actually
2:15
Speaker 1: how I found your channel. as I was looking for
2:17
Speaker 1: other people. I constantly do that throughout the years. I'll
2:20
Speaker 1: just look up near-death experiences, see if there's any new
2:23
Speaker 1: material out there just so I can relate to what
2:26
Speaker 1: happened to me. So I'm aware that what I'm about
2:31
Speaker 1: to say, like I said, sounds normal to some people.
2:34
Speaker 1: It's going to sound like an alien abduction to other people.
2:37
Speaker 1: And welcome to put things in the comments below and
2:41
Speaker 1: criticize all you want because I kind of have been
2:45
Speaker 1: on both sides. I've been a total atheist, and now
2:48
Speaker 1: I know that I'm a part of something bigger. This
2:50
Speaker 1: world is a lot bigger place than just me, and
2:54
Speaker 1: just the knowledge that we're able to learn here on Earth.
2:57
Speaker 1: And I kind of know why there's this full immersion
3:01
Speaker 1: experience that I like to call it of Earth. We're
3:04
Speaker 1: not always connected to the other side, and there's very
3:07
Speaker 1: good reasons for it. And like I said, the full
3:09
Speaker 1: immersion is part of that. I don't plan on holding
3:11
Speaker 1: back a whole lot. I'm just going to say it
3:13
Speaker 1: like I remember it. And if it doesn't sit well
3:15
Speaker 1: with you, I understand that, as my brother Matt says,
3:21
Speaker 1: a lot of us are running our own stories and
3:24
Speaker 1: our own narratives. And when somebody's speaking outside of that,
3:27
Speaker 1: especially in the political arena, you can see it. We
3:31
Speaker 1: can't think of anything good on the other side, no
3:33
Speaker 1: matter what we do. And it's kind of sad because
3:36
Speaker 1: if we unplug from our own stories for a minute,
3:38
Speaker 1: there could be value in what the other person's saying,
3:41
Speaker 1: even if you see them as your enemy or see
3:43
Speaker 1: them as You might see me as some religious fanatic
3:47
Speaker 1: who doesn't even care about science and all that, which
3:49
Speaker 1: I do. To my mind, true science and God are
3:55
Speaker 1: the same thing. I don't see how they can even
3:57
Speaker 1: be different. It doesn't even make sense. So I'm not
4:00
Speaker 1: talking just about theories, but I'm talking about factual science
4:03
Speaker 1: and God are just all the same rules to the universe.
4:07
Speaker 1: If you don't believe in God, I just think you're
4:10
Speaker 1: missing out. I know what that feels like. I used
4:13
Speaker 1: to think God was Santa Claus. And so I would
4:17
Speaker 1: feel like, well, these religious people aren't hurting anybody. And
4:21
Speaker 1: so why bother them if they're having a good life?
4:24
Speaker 1: But it was always a lot like Santa Claus to me.
4:27
Speaker 1: I was like, if they need to believe that to
4:28
Speaker 1: feel safe and secure, they can. And so when people
4:31
Speaker 1: say that to me, I just kind of go, I
4:34
Speaker 1: know where you're coming from. Like, I really know what
4:36
Speaker 1: that feels like. But I would just say that they
4:39
Speaker 1: are the most immersed in earth. So if you feel
4:42
Speaker 1: that way, you're the most you're just, you're really immersed
4:44
Speaker 1: in the experience. It's good for you. Like it's, it's,
4:47
Speaker 1: it's pretty awesome. Earth is an awesome place. I think
4:49
Speaker 1: we should probably start with what kind of led to
4:53
Speaker 1: this experience, which I'll get to in depth. And that
4:57
Speaker 1: is my addiction. Early on in my life, I became
5:02
Speaker 1: addicted to slowly. I started drinking in high school and
5:05
Speaker 1: then I was looking for other things in the cupboard
5:07
Speaker 1: and whatever we get our hands on. And I'm not
5:10
Speaker 1: going to mention drugs by name because I don't want
5:12
Speaker 1: to encourage other kids out there. They're like, oh, I
5:14
Speaker 1: didn't try that yet. So you won't be getting any
5:17
Speaker 1: new ideas from me right now.
5:19
Speaker 3: So it just shows you, you probably know how someone
5:22
Speaker 3: like that thinks.
5:23
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a, let's just say we
5:26
Speaker 1: rated the medicine cabinet a lot and then we tried
5:28
Speaker 1: to get illegal drugs and it got to a point
5:31
Speaker 1: where I was even, it goes slowly. You don't think
5:34
Speaker 1: with kids in high school is it's, they don't look
5:38
Speaker 1: at an adult like me as somebody who can even
5:41
Speaker 1: relate to them. They, they just, they can't see past
5:44
Speaker 1: the senior year. They can't really see past the college
5:47
Speaker 1: kids and they, it's kind of like a forest, you know,
5:50
Speaker 1: and you don't really, you can't see the future and
5:52
Speaker 1: project that well and realize that some of these adults
5:55
Speaker 1: on the side of the street are your friends, you know,
5:57
Speaker 1: it can be like people you're friends with now. You know, I've,
6:00
Speaker 1: I have people that I know have been homeless. I've been,
6:03
Speaker 1: had some pretty rough, rough times myself. And if it
6:07
Speaker 1: wasn't for my dad and my family, there's times I
6:10
Speaker 1: would have been homeless. And addiction is real and it sucks.
6:14
Speaker 1: And nobody likes it. Even the addict doesn't like it.
6:17
Speaker 1: What that said is when you kind of get trapped
6:20
Speaker 1: into the spiral and then you can't get it legally,
6:24
Speaker 1: you go for illegal. And then you got to support
6:27
Speaker 1: the habit because you start needing more money. And then
6:30
Speaker 1: you start stealing. And then you start.
6:34
Speaker 1: Dealing and doing whatever you can. And I found myself
6:37
Speaker 1: at the bottom of this pit. And was it a
6:40
Speaker 1: fun ride down? Did I have lots of cute girls
6:43
Speaker 1: and nice cars? Yeah. I lived a little bit of
6:46
Speaker 1: early 90s rock star lifestyle, you know. I thought I
6:49
Speaker 1: was having the time of my life. But as anybody
6:52
Speaker 1: that knows with addiction, you unravel slowly. Most life happens
6:57
Speaker 1: within seven feet off the ground, you know, unless you're
6:59
Speaker 1: really tall. And everything happens within eight feet off the ground.
7:02
Speaker 1: And so if I drew a picture of that, you know,
7:05
Speaker 1: like on this paper, I'd say, okay, most things happen
7:08
Speaker 1: right here. And that's where you hold somebody's hand for
7:10
Speaker 1: the first time, your first kiss and all this. And
7:13
Speaker 1: it's awesome. And you go on a roller coaster and
7:15
Speaker 1: it's like, it's awesome because you got kind of zoomed
7:18
Speaker 1: up on it. But when you take drugs, it spikes
7:21
Speaker 1: your dopamine so high that you're up in this plane, right?
7:25
Speaker 1: And if you've ever been in a plane, can you
7:27
Speaker 1: see the people on the ground? I mean, do you
7:30
Speaker 1: see them from a plane? Can you see this conversation
7:34
Speaker 1: right now from a plane? You can't. You're too high.
7:38
Speaker 1: And so it just really narrows it down to like
7:41
Speaker 1: you're looking through a straw and the only thing that
7:43
Speaker 1: actually makes you feel normal is the spike. And pornography
7:46
Speaker 1: does this. Anything that's addicting. This is rehab stuff. This
7:49
Speaker 1: isn't just church stuff. But it spikes you clear up
7:52
Speaker 1: to the plane. And this is what it was doing
7:55
Speaker 1: to me. So the only thing that would bring me
7:57
Speaker 1: pleasure was the dopamine spikes. It actually got to where
8:01
Speaker 1: that's the only thing that made me feel normal. Addiction
8:04
Speaker 1: is more of a disease than you realize. And by
8:06
Speaker 1: the time you're trapped in it like I was, life
8:09
Speaker 1: can suck pretty bad. And you don't think you can
8:13
Speaker 1: get out of it. You want it more than you
8:14
Speaker 1: want to eat. And it can be so even to
8:20
Speaker 1: feel normal. I remember back to the story is I'd
8:26
Speaker 1: come home like the prodigal son, about 23 years old. Dad,
8:30
Speaker 1: I'm going to die. If you don't take me back in,
8:32
Speaker 1: I don't have anywhere else to go. I've just walked
8:34
Speaker 1: probably 20 miles from the house I just got kicked
8:37
Speaker 1: out of, which was my brother. He's like, you got
8:38
Speaker 1: to go. So he kicked me out. I walked all
8:40
Speaker 1: night to my dad's house across town. And I just said,
8:44
Speaker 1: you got to let me stay here. I'm going to die.
8:45
Speaker 1: And I thought I might anyways. And I was just
8:49
Speaker 1: out of control. And I'd even stole money from my
8:51
Speaker 1: dad a lot. He took me back in, even after
8:55
Speaker 1: all that, which is pretty amazing. This is a hard
8:59
Speaker 1: thing because I've had my brothers struggle with this. I've
9:02
Speaker 1: watched friends struggle with this. And sometimes you take your
9:05
Speaker 1: loved one back in and you're enabling them. And it's
9:09
Speaker 1: this really fine balance. And you're part of the problem
9:13
Speaker 1: because you're giving them more resources that they continue to use. Well,
9:16
Speaker 1: that's exactly what I continue to do. If you're talking
9:20
Speaker 1: to your loved ones, I don't think you should keep
9:22
Speaker 1: giving them money. I don't care what excuse they have.
9:25
Speaker 1: Sometimes we need to fall on our face and we
9:26
Speaker 1: need to be in total desperation. We're just out of control.
9:30
Speaker 1: And it's like, for those of you that don't understand
9:31
Speaker 1: addiction and true addiction, it's like, try not eating for
9:35
Speaker 1: three days. That's what it's like. And you get so
9:37
Speaker 1: hungry that you don't care about anything else. Just give
9:40
Speaker 1: me some food. Just give me the food. I would
9:42
Speaker 1: pop 30 pills before I'd walk into a church. And
9:45
Speaker 1: I remember some girl singing, I'm a child of God.
9:48
Speaker 1: And it's just sweet little seven, eight year old. I'm
9:51
Speaker 1: a child of God. And I'm like, I'm not. And
9:54
Speaker 1: I just started crying. I had to leave. I just like,
9:56
Speaker 1: if there's a God out there, he doesn't know me.
9:58
Speaker 1: He doesn't know. He doesn't care about me. I've, I
10:00
Speaker 1: maybe I've done too much. I maybe, I don't know.
10:03
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I believe in one. I,
10:04
Speaker 1: but I, I was desperate to try anything because rehab was,
10:07
Speaker 1: I get thrown in jail and I was just waiting
10:09
Speaker 1: to get out. You know, as soon as I get out,
10:11
Speaker 1: my dad had bailed me out. Funny, your friends, if
10:14
Speaker 1: you got a friend that bailed you out, that's a
10:15
Speaker 1: good friend. did you guys that never bailed me out?
10:18
Speaker 1: I don't blame you. You didn't have any money either,
10:20
Speaker 1: but you never bailed me out. My dad did. So
10:24
Speaker 1: he would bail me out in a second. I'd try
10:26
Speaker 1: to call my friends as soon as I could and
10:28
Speaker 1: just to get to use again. So I was in
10:32
Speaker 1: this cycle and I just couldn't shake it. And one
10:38
Speaker 1: day I was going home and I was going to
10:41
Speaker 1: go into the house and In my county, they had
10:44
Speaker 1: undercover police cars, and I knew exactly what they were.
10:46
Speaker 1: They were Chevy Corsicas, and they were maroon, and there
10:49
Speaker 1: was one parked in front of my house. I'm not
10:51
Speaker 1: going in the house, right? I just took my dog, Scruffy,
10:55
Speaker 1: little Scruffy. She's so cute. I was like, come on, Scruff.
10:58
Speaker 1: We're going on a walk. I come from one of
11:01
Speaker 1: my many part-time jobs. My kids now are like, Dad,
11:04
Speaker 1: how do you know how to do everything? I'm like, well,
11:07
Speaker 1: Temp services, you know, you just get a job for
11:10
Speaker 1: two weeks or a week. Whenever you get that paycheck,
11:12
Speaker 1: you're done. It's a party, right? So you just work
11:14
Speaker 1: long enough to get the money and then you go.
11:16
Speaker 1: So I got trained in a lot of things. So
11:18
Speaker 1: I told, I was at one of my jobs and
11:21
Speaker 1: I had like some, just a pad and paper like
11:23
Speaker 1: this with me. And I was just a pencil and
11:26
Speaker 1: I was just like, I don't know. He couldn't go
11:28
Speaker 1: in the house. Didn't know where to put it. So
11:29
Speaker 1: I walked up on the mountain and my dad lives
11:32
Speaker 1: kind of on a hillside where the mountain goes up.
11:34
Speaker 1: I ran into a neighbor friend of mine, his name
11:36
Speaker 1: was Bill Price, really good guy, and he's usually, he's
11:42
Speaker 1: always walking on that canal road since I was a
11:44
Speaker 1: little kid, and it was the middle of the day.
11:46
Speaker 1: I'm walking up, and no, I wasn't high as a kite.
11:48
Speaker 1: He'd seen me at church, and he says, I've seen
11:50
Speaker 1: you at church, I've seen you trying, and I think
11:53
Speaker 1: you need to keep moving forward. And several people kept
11:55
Speaker 1: saying that to me, like, it's good to see you,
11:56
Speaker 1: and I'm like, man, I'm like, this is, like, you
12:00
Speaker 1: don't understand. I'm like, you know, thanks for the encouragement,
12:03
Speaker 1: but all you addicts out there, anybody that's even stuck
12:08
Speaker 1: in this long to watch this, you just don't feel
12:10
Speaker 1: like there's ever any hope. There's no way out. He
12:13
Speaker 1: says something to me that's interesting. He says, you need
12:16
Speaker 1: to give it to Christ. You need to give it
12:17
Speaker 1: to the Savior. I was like, well, I kind of
12:21
Speaker 1: feel like these guys have a glow about them. The
12:23
Speaker 1: church I still go to, they all have a glow
12:26
Speaker 1: about them. He says, give it to Christ. And I'm like,
12:28
Speaker 1: I don't even know what you mean. What do you
12:29
Speaker 1: mean give it to him? I hand it to him?
12:31
Speaker 1: And do you give it to him? Just hand it
12:34
Speaker 1: to him? And I He's like, no, you've got to
12:36
Speaker 1: just ask him to take it from you. And I'm like,
12:40
Speaker 1: you know, I'd heard of, like, the born-again Christians and stuff, and, like,
12:43
Speaker 1: that kind of sounds a little hallelujah, like, just take
12:46
Speaker 1: it from me. I was like, well, I'd yelled at
12:50
Speaker 1: the heavens before. I'm like, if there's a God, show
12:53
Speaker 1: me a sign, strike me down, you know, just mad
12:55
Speaker 1: because of all the trauma I'd gone through, self-induced a
12:58
Speaker 1: lot of it. And I never got an answer. No
13:01
Speaker 1: one's ever talking to me. But, yeah. I think there's
13:05
Speaker 1: a key point here. God never answers my prayers. God
13:08
Speaker 1: never does this. It's like, well, I usually prayed when
13:12
Speaker 1: I was in the back of a cop car with
13:13
Speaker 1: handcuffs on. I'll never do it again. I'm never going
13:16
Speaker 1: to do it again. I promise. Just get me out
13:19
Speaker 1: of this. I don't know that that's the most effective
13:22
Speaker 1: time to learn your lesson. I mean, you're in the
13:24
Speaker 1: back of a cop car and now you're reaching out.
13:26
Speaker 1: Second you get out of the cop car, you're back
13:27
Speaker 1: to the party, okay? So, and I think the Lord
13:31
Speaker 1: knows us better than we know ourselves. That's not even
13:32
Speaker 1: a thing. That's a fact. So, Um, he says, give
13:37
Speaker 1: it to the savior. And, uh, and so I walked
13:40
Speaker 1: on down the dirt road. I walked on down this
13:42
Speaker 1: canal road. There wasn't any houses around and I just
13:44
Speaker 1: got down on my knees and I was, you know,
13:46
Speaker 1: I'm just a normal dude. So I'm looking around. I'm like,
13:49
Speaker 1: is anybody else walking on this road and see me
13:52
Speaker 1: kneeling in the middle of the daytime? This is beginning.
13:55
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody judging me because I had such
13:58
Speaker 1: a great life already. I'm real worried about what other
14:00
Speaker 1: people think, you know? So I'm literally looking around, I
14:02
Speaker 1: was like, oh, there's nobody here, and the dog's there.
14:04
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I guess I'm gonna kneel down. And
14:06
Speaker 1: I remember kneeling down, and the gravel, it kind of
14:10
Speaker 1: hurt my knees, like, okay, ow. So I'm kneeling there
14:15
Speaker 1: on this kind of dirt gravel road, rocks in my
14:17
Speaker 1: knees a little bit, and this really happened. And I
14:22
Speaker 1: don't know how to explain it. I've heard other near-death
14:24
Speaker 1: experience people explain it. And I hear the doctors will say,
14:28
Speaker 1: or the smart, So smart people, the neuroscientists can say
14:32
Speaker 1: when you die, you release these chemicals and that's when
14:34
Speaker 1: they see the tunnel. And I'm like this, I didn't
14:36
Speaker 1: see a tunnel, okay? But what happened to me is
14:39
Speaker 1: I knelt down on my knees, but I'm going to
14:41
Speaker 1: verify that all these people that see the other side,
14:43
Speaker 1: they're actually telling the truth. And I want to find
14:46
Speaker 1: out if there's somebody else out there that's had this
14:47
Speaker 1: happen in the middle of the day without dying. So
14:50
Speaker 1: I knelt down, normal, and all I did is offered
14:53
Speaker 1: a prayer. And I would say my state of mind,
14:56
Speaker 1: so that if you want to recreate this, because I
14:57
Speaker 1: don't think I'm special. I told this to my kids.
15:00
Speaker 1: I think that anybody can have an experience like this.
15:04
Speaker 1: I was at the end of the sidewalk of my
15:07
Speaker 1: life at the moment. And I was just like, there
15:10
Speaker 1: was nowhere more for me to go. No drug counselors,
15:14
Speaker 1: no rehabs, no jail or no amount of remorse for
15:18
Speaker 1: taking money from my father or stealing from people or
15:21
Speaker 1: drug dealing. No amount of remorse for some of the
15:23
Speaker 1: crap I was doing was enough to stop this train.
15:28
Speaker 1: I was just there and I submitted. I just said,
15:31
Speaker 1: I don't know if anything's there. I don't know. And
15:35
Speaker 1: I knew that if there was something there that anybody
15:39
Speaker 1: on the other side, if there was another side, knew
15:41
Speaker 1: I didn't know. And I'm like, you know I don't know.
15:44
Speaker 1: I have nothing to hide. If you're there I need help.
15:51
Speaker 1: I need you to take this from me because I
15:52
Speaker 1: don't know how to do this. Nothing is stopping this addiction.
15:56
Speaker 1: And I don't know how to get through it. And
16:00
Speaker 1: at that moment, it was amazing. And I only hesitate
16:06
Speaker 1: and look down because sometimes when I tell this, people
16:10
Speaker 1: check out. I don't know if I brought you far
16:13
Speaker 1: enough into my world yet to have you actually be
16:16
Speaker 1: open enough to accept accept this, but I'm just going
16:20
Speaker 1: to put it out here. I just felt hands on
16:24
Speaker 1: my head like this, and they were behind me. And
16:29
Speaker 1: the second those hands hit my head, it was, it
16:33
Speaker 1: wasn't like, who's there? It was like everything just, it
16:39
Speaker 1: was like, it was like being, if you were immersed
16:42
Speaker 1: in your favorite video game, like Call of Duty or
16:45
Speaker 1: Halo or something, and you actually believed you were the character.
16:48
Speaker 1: And you had the trauma of watching your friends get
16:50
Speaker 1: blown up next to you in the video game. And
16:54
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you're like shaking. You're like, I
16:56
Speaker 1: can't do this anymore. I can't. All of a sudden,
16:58
Speaker 1: you check out, and you're you again, and you're in
16:59
Speaker 1: your room. You're like, oh, I'm okay. And there's all
17:03
Speaker 1: this familiarity. You're like, oh, I'm in my house. I'm home.
17:06
Speaker 1: It was like that. Everything, the world, it was all
17:09
Speaker 1: still there, still nailing on the road, but it was
17:11
Speaker 1: just like, I knew him, and I'd known him forever.
17:15
Speaker 1: And I was immediately talking to them, just like I'm
17:18
Speaker 1: talking right now, like with your mind. And it was
17:23
Speaker 1: just like, but it was weird. I was just like, oh,
17:25
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here. Holy cow, earth is, this
17:28
Speaker 1: is so, I, and my first, one of my first
17:31
Speaker 1: thoughts was like, I was trying to kill myself. About
17:34
Speaker 1: a year earlier, I was trying to take my life.
17:36
Speaker 1: I'd been that low at some point that I was
17:38
Speaker 1: like trying to kill myself. And I was like, I
17:40
Speaker 1: just was, everything came back and I remembered everything that
17:43
Speaker 1: like how earth was. And I'd been, I was in
17:47
Speaker 1: earth and I'd been at home and I'd been in
17:49
Speaker 1: heaven was like, we call it heaven, but it's his home.
17:51
Speaker 1: And I was like, wow, I really couldn't see it.
17:55
Speaker 1: It's like right here. And wherever you're sitting, watching this,
17:58
Speaker 1: it is literally like right here. Like it's all around you.
18:01
Speaker 1: They're just, they're like right here. It's not like, it's
18:04
Speaker 1: not like scary ghost stories. It's like, You're the one
18:07
Speaker 1: that's immersed into earth experience and all this life stuff.
18:12
Speaker 1: And that's a gift. It's a gift that you don't
18:15
Speaker 1: get to know. It's a gift that I was detached.
18:20
Speaker 1: So I had all this kind of sensation of like, whoa, okay.
18:25
Speaker 1: I wasn't even upset. I was like, I'm so glad
18:27
Speaker 1: you're here. Like, oh, thank goodness. It's like, this is awesome.
18:31
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay. And they literally were like, okay,
18:33
Speaker 1: you got to calm down. Cause I, I'm people that
18:36
Speaker 1: know me. I am like this. This is normal, Nate. And,
18:39
Speaker 1: and I am like this on both sides. I'm they're
18:42
Speaker 1: just like, okay, okay. We're going to finish. You just
18:44
Speaker 1: got to let us do our thing here. We're going
18:45
Speaker 1: to fix your brain. Then had you had an MRI
18:48
Speaker 1: hooked up to my head, you would have seen a,
18:51
Speaker 1: you know, having a seat, look at an MRI of
18:53
Speaker 1: somebody who's hooked on heroin. And then just all of
18:55
Speaker 1: a sudden, just have their brain kind of reshift. It
18:58
Speaker 1: was like putting Legos back together. And I could like
19:01
Speaker 1: physically feel it happening. It was like, and everything kind
19:03
Speaker 1: of came back. And I was thinking a lot like
19:05
Speaker 1: I did, like when I was a 12 year old, like,
19:09
Speaker 1: you know, 12 to 15 years old before I really
19:11
Speaker 1: started on any drugs or alcohol, my brain just kind
19:14
Speaker 1: of came back to that. I could tell I was
19:16
Speaker 1: just like, I had a healthy brain again. And it
19:18
Speaker 1: was like a process though. It took a minute or so.
19:21
Speaker 1: I don't know how long it took, but they were definitely,
19:24
Speaker 1: they just, It just happened, and I know how that sounds, okay?
19:28
Speaker 1: I know how that would sound to me. So I
19:30
Speaker 1: knew him forever, and I was wide awake. It was
19:33
Speaker 1: in the middle of the day. The only other thing
19:35
Speaker 1: I can see is near-death experiences have this. Maybe when
19:38
Speaker 1: they're operating table and they have a similar experience. Mine
19:41
Speaker 1: was just in the middle of the day. I don't
19:42
Speaker 1: think I'm special. I just think that I was in
19:45
Speaker 1: such a dark hole that when it connected, they were there.
19:49
Speaker 1: they fixed me. And maybe this is one of the
19:51
Speaker 1: purposes I'm still here. I don't know. When they were
19:54
Speaker 1: behind me, I could see them, but it's in a
19:57
Speaker 1: different way than just your eyes. It's more like, I've
20:01
Speaker 1: heard people describe it as like when they you can
20:03
Speaker 1: almost see and taste and feel at the same time.
20:06
Speaker 1: It's like you're really connected with everything that's going on,
20:10
Speaker 1: with the light of truth. I'm sitting there and they
20:13
Speaker 1: kind of finished what they're doing. And I'm kneeling on
20:17
Speaker 1: the road. And so to my right, I'm just like
20:21
Speaker 1: kind of sitting there and I can kind of see
20:24
Speaker 1: just like I can see in my peripheral vision in
20:26
Speaker 1: this room. And I didn't want to disrupt anything. I
20:28
Speaker 1: knew it wasn't a big deal. I was like, I'm
20:29
Speaker 1: just home. Like this isn't any big deal. And I
20:31
Speaker 1: was like, I need to get back to, you know,
20:33
Speaker 1: living my life here in a second. I know they're
20:35
Speaker 1: fixing me. And so I wasn't planning on some people say, oh,
20:37
Speaker 1: I want to stay in heaven. I'm like, well, I
20:40
Speaker 1: wasn't real. I knew that wasn't even I was just like,
20:43
Speaker 1: I'm going to finish life. This life is awesome. I
20:45
Speaker 1: was like, oh, it's kind of weird because you, you know,
20:48
Speaker 1: thinking about the suicide attempt, this is going to sound different.
20:53
Speaker 1: But I actually looked at is that trauma is a gift.
20:57
Speaker 1: it was like no matter what bad thing I'd self-induced
21:01
Speaker 1: or anything I'd done to myself or any bad thing
21:03
Speaker 1: that happened to me as a child, just being able
21:06
Speaker 1: to have the experience of it and the empathy, the
21:10
Speaker 1: love and the empathy I have for anybody else that
21:13
Speaker 1: had been through it was a gift. It wasn't like
21:16
Speaker 1: all that trauma when you go back home is like,
21:19
Speaker 1: I now understand. And You know, my dad suffered cancer
21:23
Speaker 1: and got really just chemo, radiation, and he just couldn't
21:27
Speaker 1: even sleep. And he couldn't breathe one night, and he
21:29
Speaker 1: just told me, well, he's told me this before, but
21:32
Speaker 1: he saw people in the room. He's like, there's about
21:34
Speaker 1: six of them there. And then I started breathing again,
21:37
Speaker 1: but I knew they were there in the room. I
21:39
Speaker 1: knew they were right there, and I knew there were
21:40
Speaker 1: people I'd known. And I said, you know, I'll bet
21:44
Speaker 1: you it was people who have been in that situation.
21:46
Speaker 1: They most empathize with what you're going through, and they're
21:49
Speaker 1: there for us on the other side, like constantly empathizing. Um,
21:52
Speaker 1: so what did I see? I saw something to my
21:55
Speaker 1: right and just somebody over there talking and they were
21:58
Speaker 1: talking to some other people and everybody was really busy.
22:01
Speaker 1: There's somebody else's talks about how busy it is there.
22:04
Speaker 1: And it was really busy. Like it felt like I
22:06
Speaker 1: was part earth is like a rock concert. Okay. Like,
22:09
Speaker 1: like I love rock and roll. Like if I, if
22:11
Speaker 1: I could be like a rock star on stage, like
22:13
Speaker 1: just jamming a guitar or singing like, you know, Garth
22:16
Speaker 1: Brooks back in the day and his best concert where
22:18
Speaker 1: he's just out on the stage, he's like, yes, people,
22:20
Speaker 1: this is awesome. And you're part of that production. And
22:23
Speaker 1: all these people are a part of what's happening on earth.
22:26
Speaker 1: And it's a really big deal. And it's exciting. So
22:29
Speaker 1: no matter how hard you're working, you're like, this is
22:31
Speaker 1: so fun. Like, this is awesome. You just would keep
22:34
Speaker 1: going because you have all this energy because it's such
22:36
Speaker 1: an amazing thing you're a part of. And that's, I
22:39
Speaker 1: really sense that. So when this other person come over,
22:42
Speaker 1: which I would call like, just like a brother, like
22:47
Speaker 1: they're like brothers, like Like, warrior brothers. Like, somebody said
22:51
Speaker 1: the word warrior when they saw that. Like, warriors. I'm like,
22:53
Speaker 1: they were so awesome. And an interesting thing was is
22:57
Speaker 1: I definitely looked up to these guys. And I was like,
23:00
Speaker 1: you guys are like my awesome older, my most awesome
23:02
Speaker 1: older brother, my most awesome uncle I ever met that's
23:05
Speaker 1: so cool. And I'm so glad you're here. Like, some
23:07
Speaker 1: guy that could just save the day. And they were there.
23:10
Speaker 1: And I had that feeling that I realized that there
23:15
Speaker 1: is it's how you know you've had a real experience.
23:18
Speaker 1: If you're in that situation, there's equality there. There's hierarchy,
23:25
Speaker 1: but there's definitely equality and hierarchy because even though they
23:28
Speaker 1: were more experienced than me and kind of, kind of
23:30
Speaker 1: helping me through this process going, okay, we're going to
23:32
Speaker 1: take care of this. And I was like, heroes are here.
23:35
Speaker 1: I didn't feel any less. I felt very equal. So
23:38
Speaker 1: equality and hierarchy, like if you're taking notes, write that down.
23:41
Speaker 1: Equality and hierarchy at home. It's not, it's home. And, and,
23:46
Speaker 1: I had the overwhelming feeling that we're all going to
23:50
Speaker 1: be okay. And that goes back to a dear friend
23:54
Speaker 1: of mine's daughter, who's a beautiful person. She lost her
23:58
Speaker 1: battle to cancer, but she had it so bad, they
24:01
Speaker 1: told a story at her funeral. They were having a
24:03
Speaker 1: Sunday lesson, and they were sitting there with the other kids,
24:07
Speaker 1: and they'd brought her home. She was 13 years old,
24:09
Speaker 1: and she was in the living room with her hospital bed,
24:12
Speaker 1: and they had this beautiful lesson. And she couldn't even
24:15
Speaker 1: really ask for water. She was that bad where she
24:18
Speaker 1: couldn't ask for water. And they said, does anybody else
24:20
Speaker 1: have anything else they want to add to the lesson?
24:22
Speaker 1: Her name is River because I don't think her dad
24:24
Speaker 1: would care. So he says to her, he's like, imagine
24:31
Speaker 1: you're a 13-year-old kid. If you have a 13-year-old, I do.
24:34
Speaker 1: And he says, all of a sudden River speaks up
24:37
Speaker 1: and she says, I have something to say. And they're like, oh, okay. Okay.
24:43
Speaker 1: You know, she's been struggling to even ask for water.
24:46
Speaker 1: What do you have to say? And she says, I
24:48
Speaker 1: have three things to say. She says, the spirit world
24:52
Speaker 1: is real. It's okay to be sad and melancholy. And
24:58
Speaker 1: we're all going to be okay. And as soon as
25:03
Speaker 1: I heard that at the funeral, I knew, especially by
25:06
Speaker 1: the last one, that she'd already seen it. She'd already
25:08
Speaker 1: been home. And she was given a gift to come
25:11
Speaker 1: back and just deliver that message to her because it
25:13
Speaker 1: was the last thing she said. She died the next day.
25:16
Speaker 1: And I sat in that same room that she was
25:18
Speaker 1: in and I would not leave their house. This was
25:21
Speaker 1: just recently. And I said, I can't, I just, I
25:23
Speaker 1: have to stay here. And I told him, I says,
25:25
Speaker 1: you can see me hanging out until everybody leaves. And
25:27
Speaker 1: I was probably 10 at night. And I was like,
25:29
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is intrusive, if it's too
25:30
Speaker 1: much right now, but I need to tell you what
25:33
Speaker 1: I know. I said, I've seen heaven. And I know
25:36
Speaker 1: that as soon as she said, we're all going to
25:38
Speaker 1: be okay. that she'd seen it and she knew the
25:42
Speaker 1: spirit world was real. And they were really caught up
25:44
Speaker 1: on the fact that she'd said, it's okay to be
25:45
Speaker 1: sad and melancholy because that's just not a word she used.
25:51
Speaker 1: So they're like, wow, she's using this melancholy. Like, what's that?
25:53
Speaker 1: You know, they kind of live in a rural town
25:56
Speaker 1: and it's like, that's a pretty deep word for a
25:58
Speaker 1: 13 year old and we don't use that around here.
26:00
Speaker 1: So I was like, it was important to understand that
26:03
Speaker 1: she actually had been, it was a massive gift. So
26:06
Speaker 1: I was having this experience I'm seeing heaven, another guy
26:10
Speaker 1: comes over to talk to me, brother, somebody just comes over,
26:13
Speaker 1: and I'm sure there were women there. I'm just saying
26:16
Speaker 1: that's what happened with me. I know there was many
26:19
Speaker 1: people there, and I remember him coming over, and then
26:21
Speaker 1: we just started talking. And one way you know that
26:24
Speaker 1: I think that it's actual vision, the thing I look
26:28
Speaker 1: for in a thing is when people say, I talk
26:30
Speaker 1: to them, but I don't remember their mouths moving. When
26:32
Speaker 1: I was talking, it sounded like English, and it was
26:36
Speaker 1: communicated to me in English, It was communicated to me
26:39
Speaker 1: that Christ was a savior. So if you're a Muslim
26:42
Speaker 1: or something else, or another religion, Buddhist or something, and
26:46
Speaker 1: you don't believe in Christ and all that, and if
26:50
Speaker 1: you think this was all aliens, that's the way they
26:52
Speaker 1: presented it to me. If I got the other side,
26:54
Speaker 1: I'm pretty open to whatever they're going to teach me.
26:56
Speaker 1: But at the time, it wasn't like, it was very
26:59
Speaker 1: much love and acceptance, and earth just made sense on
27:04
Speaker 1: the fact that I needed to I got to experience
27:07
Speaker 1: and learn things and learn pain and everything was going
27:10
Speaker 1: to be okay. I even asked if I should go
27:12
Speaker 1: to the church that the missionaries had come from to
27:15
Speaker 1: teach me. And I remember, you know, looking back on
27:18
Speaker 1: it and the person I was talking to was just like,
27:26
Speaker 1: it's like when you communicate, it's like a whole bunch
27:28
Speaker 1: at one time. It's like you might say a sentence,
27:31
Speaker 1: but you can kind of see it three-dimensionally and you
27:33
Speaker 1: understand all You get a TED talk for every sentence
27:37
Speaker 1: in a way of understanding. And so you kind of
27:39
Speaker 1: catch all those emotions and even facial expressions are felt
27:42
Speaker 1: and heard in a way.
27:44
Speaker 2: You know.
27:44
Speaker 1: And so it's like, he's like, you're not seeing everything
27:47
Speaker 1: around here? Like, yeah, you know that's fine. They're good people.
27:51
Speaker 1: And so it's this good communication. So I know the
27:54
Speaker 1: places that I go to church, they are good people. Like,
27:57
Speaker 1: they're awesome. you know, we're here to fix you because
27:59
Speaker 1: this is really your only way out, Nate, because you're
28:01
Speaker 1: in a pretty big hole. So if you're in a
28:03
Speaker 1: pretty big hole and you've never gone out with anything else,
28:05
Speaker 1: you might want to start tapping into this because it works.
28:09
Speaker 1: And I'm not favored. They were in, I would say,
28:13
Speaker 1: 28 maybe, you know, ish, like very prime of life.
28:19
Speaker 1: Just youthful, I would say. And awesome. Just full of
28:24
Speaker 1: awesomeness and power and.
28:28
Speaker 1: Just coolness. If I was stuck in the woods and
28:31
Speaker 1: this guy was a bear guy. What's his name? He
28:34
Speaker 1: showed up and you're in the middle of the woods.
28:36
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm going to be okay. Like the man
28:39
Speaker 1: of man's is here, you know? And I'm like, didn't
28:42
Speaker 1: you feel equal to him too? So it was, it
28:44
Speaker 1: was definitely somebody I had always known too. So I
28:46
Speaker 1: wasn't surprised to see him. I was just glad to
28:48
Speaker 1: see him. and I knew him, so I was very familiar.
28:51
Speaker 1: But no, was it drug-induced? Give me those drugs again, okay? Like,
28:55
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? Like, go ahead, find me
28:57
Speaker 1: those drugs, right? Like, had all this new knowledge that
29:00
Speaker 1: I really didn't have before poured into my head. So
29:03
Speaker 1: we'll go back to where the second person came up
29:06
Speaker 1: to me that I knew very well and just like, okay,
29:09
Speaker 1: let me tell you why you were a drug addict
29:11
Speaker 1: and tell you what you're doing. Let me show your
29:13
Speaker 1: brain what you were doing wrong and let's rewire it
29:15
Speaker 1: with some proper knowledge. And I think that if you're
29:18
Speaker 1: addicted to porn or something, this is also a really
29:21
Speaker 1: good technique that I talked to my son, not that
29:25
Speaker 1: he's addicted to porn, but I was like, if you
29:27
Speaker 1: want to, like, you can come to me and you say, hey,
29:29
Speaker 1: I want to quit looking at porn. I want to
29:31
Speaker 1: quit looking at this. I'm like, well, why don't you
29:34
Speaker 1: study how to get off of porn every day for
29:38
Speaker 1: like 30 minutes and don't ever stop? Like read something
29:41
Speaker 1: that's hopeful about the brain, learn about the brain and
29:44
Speaker 1: just study something every day. Get some new knowledge in
29:47
Speaker 1: your head because just having, you know, he has all
29:49
Speaker 1: this faith and going to church and everything, but I'm like, well,
29:52
Speaker 1: we've also been taught to kind of, a lot of
29:54
Speaker 1: us want to pray for our muscles, right? We say, hey,
29:57
Speaker 1: give me that six pack, you know, and we don't
29:59
Speaker 1: want to go to the gym. Like, don't make me
30:00
Speaker 1: go to the gym. Like, so going to the gym
30:03
Speaker 1: is kind of the blessing of the life here. So
30:06
Speaker 1: you're going to go to the gym before you're going
30:08
Speaker 1: to get the abs. Now, maybe I'll show you, you know,
30:12
Speaker 1: give you some motivational speakers, and maybe I'll give you
30:14
Speaker 1: some motivation on the perks of this. But you can
30:17
Speaker 1: educate yourself because it's part of experience earth. You know,
30:20
Speaker 1: I kind of refer to it. I'm not cheapening anything.
30:22
Speaker 1: It's awesome. It's one of the greatest things that's going
30:25
Speaker 1: on that I could tell in the universe right now
30:27
Speaker 1: because they were all really involved in And so involved
30:30
Speaker 1: with everybody, even right now. Anybody watching this, they're very
30:33
Speaker 1: involved in what you're doing all the time. And it's
30:37
Speaker 1: not like an intrusive, judgmental way. It's really more like,
30:41
Speaker 1: you know, look up, wake up. And so I started
30:47
Speaker 1: getting taught things. And I actually wrote them down. I
30:49
Speaker 1: had my pen and paper. And I was writing them down.
30:53
Speaker 1: And it was kind of like I could just see
30:54
Speaker 1: how involved the other side is with every human. And
30:59
Speaker 1: this is going to sound weird, but this really happened.
31:01
Speaker 1: Like I just kind of was like thought lost in
31:04
Speaker 1: the thought of it all. And just seeing like the
31:06
Speaker 1: love for everybody. I was like, we're all so loved.
31:08
Speaker 1: We are all so loved. We're all so loved. This
31:12
Speaker 1: is all. How did I not see it? I already
31:14
Speaker 1: knew it. You already know this, but we don't realize it.
31:17
Speaker 1: Because again, that being cut off is part of the gift.
31:19
Speaker 1: And so they're all so loved. And I just caught
31:23
Speaker 1: like a glimpse of somebody doing their dishes, like a
31:25
Speaker 1: gal and she was She was like, I was saying
31:27
Speaker 1: look up before, and she was looking down and so
31:30
Speaker 1: stressed about bills or something. This was like real life.
31:34
Speaker 1: And it sounds like something out of a movie, right,
31:35
Speaker 1: where you kind of connect to the matrix, right? And
31:38
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you kind of, and you're just,
31:40
Speaker 1: I just sensed her presence and her emotion. And I
31:42
Speaker 1: was like, somebody down there in my city right there.
31:44
Speaker 1: And I'm like, look up, you know, look up. If
31:47
Speaker 1: you don't believe in God or anything, I'll just go
31:49
Speaker 1: from that vantage point. Let's just say there is a
31:52
Speaker 1: God and you're in heaven. Well, the home in heaven
31:54
Speaker 1: that I saw, we're always connected. Like, we're always connected.
31:58
Speaker 1: We never felt alone. And when we come here and
32:01
Speaker 1: we have this, you know, we're born as babies. You
32:04
Speaker 1: forget everything. You're just like, what's going on? I don't
32:06
Speaker 1: even know if I'm hungry. You know, you really look
32:09
Speaker 1: at babies. They don't know anything. And so you kind
32:12
Speaker 1: of get this fresh start, and you get to feel alone.
32:15
Speaker 1: You get to feel like not that constant connection, even
32:19
Speaker 1: though it's always still here. You don't feel it. And
32:21
Speaker 1: sometimes we feel it to the point where we try
32:23
Speaker 1: to take our lives. Sometimes I've had friends have taken
32:25
Speaker 1: their lives. I tried to take mine. I'm still here.
32:28
Speaker 1: The day that this happened, when I came in, I
32:31
Speaker 1: had all this new knowledge. My dog Scruffy was there
32:33
Speaker 1: and I just walked home. I was in such a
32:34
Speaker 1: good mood. And I was writing all this stuff down.
32:37
Speaker 1: Like literally every one of these, there's a TED talk
32:39
Speaker 1: for every one of these. I walked in the house
32:41
Speaker 1: and I told my dad, I said, dad, it's done.
32:43
Speaker 1: It's gone. It's all gone. And I got to go.
32:46
Speaker 1: And he told me, I just went downstairs. He didn't
32:48
Speaker 1: see me again. I went down on this old computer.
32:50
Speaker 1: I was like, type this up because, like I said,
32:53
Speaker 1: my handwriting is horrible. My spelling is bad. And I'm like,
32:56
Speaker 1: believe it or not, I was not that great a
32:58
Speaker 1: student in high school. I think I graduated with a 1.7
33:02
Speaker 1: or something. And so I missed more days than I intended.
33:06
Speaker 1: Sorry to all my teachers. There's hope for that kid
33:09
Speaker 1: in your class, though. There's hope for him. Don't give up.
33:13
Speaker 1: Some of the things that I think about, the way
33:15
Speaker 1: I think about things is I don't look at like
33:17
Speaker 1: what in the Christian culture they call the Ten Commandments.
33:22
Speaker 1: I don't think about the Ten Commandments as restrictive. And
33:26
Speaker 1: I've taught my kids that. They say, oh, you go
33:29
Speaker 1: to that church. You guys don't drink. And my kids say, yeah,
33:33
Speaker 1: we get to not drink. Like we get to be
33:37
Speaker 1: in an environment where we have our full faculties about
33:40
Speaker 1: us all the time. And we get to like trip
33:42
Speaker 1: out on life and go, whoa. Because honestly, I heard
33:45
Speaker 1: somebody say it. I don't know where it was, but
33:47
Speaker 1: he says, if you were really awake, you would be
33:50
Speaker 1: so amazed at every little thing that's happening around you
33:52
Speaker 1: right now. You'd be freaking out. You'd be like, oh,
33:54
Speaker 1: I got hands. You know, so it would be like
33:56
Speaker 1: really intense to actually look at reality just as what
33:59
Speaker 1: it's given. You don't need drugs for that. And so
34:02
Speaker 1: drugs actually dumb that down. And so the commandments in
34:06
Speaker 1: anything like that are non-restrictive. I don't have to be good.
34:10
Speaker 1: I get to be good. I don't have to be sober.
34:12
Speaker 1: I get to be sober. I don't have to, like,
34:15
Speaker 1: think of the Ten Commandments. I don't have to not steal.
34:19
Speaker 1: I get to not steal. It's way more rewarding. I've
34:21
Speaker 1: done both. And you're empty at the end of, like,
34:24
Speaker 1: stealing from your parents and stealing. It's a horrible, empty
34:27
Speaker 1: shell of a feeling. Thou shall not covet what's thy neighbor's.
34:31
Speaker 1: That's a perk. It's all like a cheat code to
34:34
Speaker 1: really be happy. So, you know, the message I've always
34:39
Speaker 1: kind of carried forward from my experience was two things.
34:44
Speaker 1: One is the CPR for your soul, which if you
34:46
Speaker 1: read the article, it's my method that I use to
34:49
Speaker 1: stay sober and kind of stay on track. I still
34:52
Speaker 1: get tempted. It's church is the C. I go every week.
34:56
Speaker 1: P is for pray. So I pray every day. I
34:59
Speaker 1: get on my knees. I don't say the prayer in
35:01
Speaker 1: my bed. And then R is read. And I learned
35:05
Speaker 1: this from a really awesome friend of mine. I'll just
35:06
Speaker 1: say his first name is Greg. And Greg, I hope
35:09
Speaker 1: you see this. You're an awesome guy. And if you
35:11
Speaker 1: do those things, you know, the Lord, the other side,
35:15
Speaker 1: will give you strength when you're falling off that waterfall.
35:17
Speaker 1: They'll throw you a branch, okay? And the other thing
35:20
Speaker 1: was how lucky we are to be on earth and
35:24
Speaker 1: how amazing it is. And even the pain is actually
35:29
Speaker 1: very amazing to experience and to be a part of.
35:33
Speaker 1: And so do I remember this every day, all day?
35:35
Speaker 1: Do I remember this when I'm freaking out? My life
35:39
Speaker 1: isn't going perfectly? No, I can't even remember. I get
35:42
Speaker 1: caught up way immersed into earth and I just can't,
35:45
Speaker 1: I don't even remember half this stuff some days. And
35:47
Speaker 1: I'm like, but just kind of being able to reflect
35:52
Speaker 1: back on that knowledge is pretty amazing to have that
35:55
Speaker 1: perspective of, I know this will be over very soon
35:58
Speaker 1: for me. Not meaning that I think, I don't know
36:00
Speaker 1: that I'll die early. I could mean even I die
36:02
Speaker 1: when I'm 98 years old. I don't know. But it
36:05
Speaker 1: will be very soon. Life goes very quickly. And I
36:10
Speaker 1: will be right back with those people and just home.
36:15
Speaker 1: We just go home. And I'm grateful that I got to,
36:21
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't die in a car accident when
36:24
Speaker 1: I was, you know, drinking and driving and things like that.
36:26
Speaker 1: I didn't die during those times. And I haven't, you know,
36:29
Speaker 1: I'm still here. And I think I'm just, I think
36:33
Speaker 1: I'm really grateful that I didn't, that I wasn't successful
36:36
Speaker 1: when I took my own life. And sometimes that pain
36:39
Speaker 1: is so much, it's unbearable. And you don't, there's, you
36:41
Speaker 1: don't know that you can get out another way. You're
36:44
Speaker 1: just in this dark hole and you just rather kind
36:46
Speaker 1: of cancel that out. I mean, there was so much
36:49
Speaker 1: mercy for this, this ex drug dealer, you know, because
36:53
Speaker 1: I feel like that is a really low point in
36:54
Speaker 1: my life. And, um, you know, just some, some bowel
36:58
Speaker 1: things that I've been a part of and stealing and
37:01
Speaker 1: all this stuff. And, you know, even that kid that
37:03
Speaker 1: might've broken into your car this weekend or something like that.
37:06
Speaker 1: And you come outside and you're like, man, what a
37:08
Speaker 1: worthless pile of crap that guy is. Well, maybe it
37:11
Speaker 1: turns out okay when, uh, when, when the dust settles
37:15
Speaker 1: and he can get out of his addictions. And, and, uh,
37:19
Speaker 1: I think, uh, I think I do have more of
37:22
Speaker 1: that eye of hope and love for other people. The
37:26
Speaker 1: lesson is sometimes very painful, but it's still just as
37:30
Speaker 1: big as a blessing. So it's really hard to see
37:33
Speaker 1: that sometimes. So the takeaway is that you should love
37:36
Speaker 1: everybody around you. You should love people who are a
37:39
Speaker 1: different political party than you. I think the races and
37:42
Speaker 1: everything is already gone without saying. And even if they're different,
37:47
Speaker 1: they identify as a different gender or different whatever else.
37:51
Speaker 1: I'd say we need to respect everybody because we don't
37:53
Speaker 1: know their path. You haven't walked in their shoes. You
37:55
Speaker 1: don't know why they're making the decision they do. And
37:57
Speaker 1: I already kind of know that we're all going to
37:59
Speaker 1: be in the same place when it's over. And we
38:01
Speaker 1: will look back on these experiences we had together that
38:05
Speaker 1: we got to actually learn to love one another without
38:08
Speaker 1: judging each other so harshly. And that comes both ways.
38:12
Speaker 1: It's definitely something I think that is more tappable. You're
38:16
Speaker 1: able to tap more power from the other side, then
38:20
Speaker 1: I think we understand. And so I think it would be, no,
38:25
Speaker 1: you don't have to check off 1,700 boxes, but I
38:28
Speaker 1: think you have to get to a place of purity,
38:30
Speaker 1: of presentness with your mind to be like, hey, I'm
38:34
Speaker 1: being real here. This is something that's plagued me. Stop
38:37
Speaker 1: beating yourself up once, you know what I'm saying, in
38:39
Speaker 1: that cycle of just self-doubt. Start believing in yourself. I
38:42
Speaker 1: can change and so what? I was still showing up
38:45
Speaker 1: and then say, okay, maybe I can't change. And just
38:47
Speaker 1: get real with it and get all the help you can.
38:51
Speaker 1: I had a support team around me that I could
38:53
Speaker 1: be honest with. And no, but when it left me,
38:57
Speaker 1: it was gone. I don't have to do a 12
39:00
Speaker 1: step right now. I didn't even have to do one after.
39:02
Speaker 1: I had to learn about 12 step after. So when
39:05
Speaker 1: I go to AA meetings now, I love it. I'm like,
39:07
Speaker 1: these are my people. But it's like, I really don't even,
39:10
Speaker 1: you know, I kind of go to share, but it
39:13
Speaker 1: doesn't bother me. It's like, I think people want porn
39:16
Speaker 1: or cigarettes to be like, hey, if you've been stuck
39:18
Speaker 1: in porn, And I'm like, think about like, it doesn't
39:21
Speaker 1: even bug you. You're like, yeah, it doesn't bother me.
39:24
Speaker 1: You never have a real desire to do it again.
39:26
Speaker 1: And when it does kind of creep up, you're like,
39:29
Speaker 1: too many consequences. And you're logically like putting that together.
39:32
Speaker 1: You don't have to be stuck in it anymore. And
39:34
Speaker 1: it's to be free. I remember somebody telling me that.
39:37
Speaker 1: I remember actually sitting here, somebody telling me, yeah, when
39:40
Speaker 1: you're free from it, you never want to do it again.
39:42
Speaker 1: I used to smoke too. And I was like, that
39:44
Speaker 1: would be a weird feeling. You're never going to white
39:46
Speaker 1: knuckle it with the same information you have already. You
39:49
Speaker 1: got to get new information. If you're ever saying this,
39:51
Speaker 1: if you ever say, well, I tried praying and I
39:53
Speaker 1: never got an answer. That means you've stopped praying. Okay.
39:57
Speaker 1: Like I tried. That means you've stopped. I tried working
40:01
Speaker 1: out and I don't have any muscles. I, I tried
40:03
Speaker 1: three years ago. I don't know what's going on. You know,
40:05
Speaker 1: this is three. All right. That's all I got. Unless
40:11
Speaker 1: you've got any more questions.
40:12
Speaker 3: No, I don't think I have any other questions. I
40:18
Speaker 3: do feel like it's a very singular experience. I've never
40:22
Speaker 3: really heard of anything like that before, and I'm sure
40:24
Speaker 3: you have many people to help. So I appreciate being a.
40:27
Speaker 1: Part of it and for you joining us today. Thank you.
40:30
Speaker 2: Thank you.