Latest / Moming and Me: The Podcast / Am I Parenting the Child in Front of Me, or Parenting From What Was Done to Me?
Transcript
- Najah: Parenting is hard. Not because we don't love our kids. but because most of us are trying to do better than what we know. And looking back now. I don't think my parents saw all of me. I think they missed parts of who I was and who I was becoming and... the ways I needed to be loved and supported. and becoming a parent forced me to ask myself a difficult question. Am I parenting the child in front of me? Or am I parenting from what was done to me? See, a lot of what we call parenting, is just habit. it's what we saw. it's what we experienced. It's what we were taught. sometimes without anyone ever saying a word. And don't get me wrong. My parents taught me some valuable lessons. Some through what they did. and some through what they didn't do. See, a lot of us were raised in environments where being the adult automatically meant being right. and being the child automatically meant being wrong. even when that wasn't true. I learned early on what it feels like when a child isn't heard when their perspective isn't considered. when respect only flows in one direction. And that's something I never wanted to carry into my own parenting. My children are children. but they're also people. People who deserve to be heard. people who deserve respect. and people who are absolutely allowed to be right when an adult is wrong. and realizing that changed everything for me. I don't need to know everything. I just need to know what this child needs. today, in this moment, in this season. Because every child is different. and every child changes. Their little human beings with their own personalities, experiences, fears, dreams and needs. And while they're growing, they're teaching me how to grow too. I'm not the same parent I was when I had one child. And that's not a bad thing. I've evolved. It's not that I've become less strict. is that I've gained more understanding I've learned that what my children need from me change as they grow. And honestly, that's true for all of us. What I needed two years ago is not what I need today. What helped me in one chapter of my life might not help me in the next. So why would I expect my children to stay the same? And more than anything, I want them to have the freedom to become who they are. not who I imagined they'd be. and not who other people think they should be. I want them to know that they don't have to shrink themselves to be accepted. They don't have to perform for approval. They don't have to become people pleasers. If they're quirky, embrace it. If they're different, own it. If they're bold, shine. If they're innovative, create. if their leaders lead. My job isn't to decide who they're supposed to be. my job is to provide enough love, safety, support, and guidance that they have the confidence to find out for themselves. because that's where potential lives. not in becoming who I want them to be. but in becoming who they were always meant to be.