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Recovery & Compassionate Care with Cini Shaw of The Lighthouse · Finding New Waters

• 0:00
  Was in 2011, my sort of life started to derail with I'd gone
• 0:07
  from drinking white wine every night to drinking vodka every
• 0:11
  night and and I was, you know, very, you know, was getting
• 0:17
  divorced. I had a lot of things going on
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  and I, I got to a place where I felt like, you know, I was going
• 0:26
  to have to check myself into treatment.
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  Sad. And I felt so disconnected from
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  myself and so disconnected from the people that I loved.
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  And I didn't know how to stop. I just didn't know what to do.
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  So I went to treatment. Welcome back everybody, to
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  another episode of Finding New Waters.
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  My name is Bea Reeves. I'm the Director of Business
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  Development here at New Waters Recovery in Raleigh, NC sitting
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  here with our CEO, Justin McClendon and our special guest
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  today, very special guest, Cindy Shaw from the Lighthouse up in
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  New Canaan, CT. Welcome, Cindy.
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  Thank you for having me. We're so glad you're here.
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  Yeah. Thank you for coming on.
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  So Cindy, I I've gotten to meet you a few times and I've been to
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  the lighthouse. You all had an amazing event
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  that I was lucky enough to be invited to and had dinner with
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  you and your staff and your leadership team and lots of your
• 1:20
  clients. And we had a speaker meeting and
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  it was just lovely. So just first of all, tell us,
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  tell us what the Lighthouse is. All right, so the Lighthouse
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  sort of the manifestation of a vision of Trey Lairds, who is
• 1:35
  our CEO. He had gone to treatment and
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  after his aftercare coordinators were, you know, you need to go
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  to sober living and or a recovery residence as we call
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  our homes. And so he wanted to go to 1 in
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  New Canaan or in sort of Fairfield County and there
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  wasn't anything here. There were options in Florida
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  and in California, but his family was here and and his he
• 2:04
  worked in New York City. So he ended up, you know, sort
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  of moving to an apartment and, you know, sort of developing his
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  community through the 12 step program.
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  But in the back of his head, this sort of vision was growing,
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  that this was a need here in this area of Connecticut that we
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  have a sober living or recovery residents for individuals who
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  were sort of like Trey, who were executives who had, you know,
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  had to go to treatment and, or had to find a way to recovery,
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  who are not ready yet to transition home.
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  So he sort of created this and we have grown since then.
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  That was the original lighthouse.
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  So now we have a men's house in New Canaan, CT, a beautiful home
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  there on 6 plus acres. And we also have a women's house
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  which we opened five years ago in New Canaan, CT.
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  And and that's another home with a beautiful home.
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  And, and we serve individuals who are at a place where they
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  need to bridge, they need to practice the recovery tools
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  perhaps that they learned in treatment and also see if they
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  can bring those tools safely back home.
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  So we are a lovely place to transition.
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  And then we have grown since then.
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  We have a full recovery coaching program so that every residence
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  of ours, every resident of ours has a recovery coach.
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  And our hope is, we call it Recovery 365.
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  Our hope is you may live with us and then you take your coach
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  with you for the year when you transition home again.
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  We've also opened apartments here in New Canaan because we
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  had so many individuals who were wanting to come back here
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  because they found such a robust recovery community here and they
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  loved being here. They loved being part of the
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  Lighthouse. So we've opened apartments as
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  well. And then another service that
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  we've developed in the last year and a half is a very robust
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  family coaching program because we know that it's such an
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  important piece of families are the glue oftentimes of you know
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  the keeping well, they're the glue.
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  You know that the individual spouse, the parents sometimes
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  are, are the ones home keeping things together so that an
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  individual who has gone to treatment or is is at one of our
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  residences can come home, you know, and they, they need
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  support as well. So we've created robust services
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  here and we are also, you know, just always looking to see what
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  else the individuals who come to us need.
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  We are always sort of creating new support groups.
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  We have, you know, the ability to create intensives for
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  individuals because we have an incredible clinical community
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  around us. Though we don't offer clinical
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  services at the Lighthouse, we have an incredible group of
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  psychiatrists and therapists in this area.
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  So if there's someone who needs a special, special trauma work
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  or you know, IFS work or and you know something specialized, we
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  can create an intensive for that individual while while they're
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  with us. This is quite a thorough answer.
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  Thank you. Yeah.
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  It's impressive. So I'm wondering, it sounds like
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  a pretty robust program. If someone needed to continue to
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  work and things like that, can they also do that there or is
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  there is there too much of a full schedule for that?
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  Yes, no. So we are, you know, there's
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  some recovery residences where you have to earn privileges and
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  earn the ability, you know, to go out or to use your car or to
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  go back to work or all of those things.
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  Our assumption when you come to us is that you're willing to
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  engage in a recovery program and that you are, you know, I have a
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  point in your recovery where you are stable.
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  So we, we encourage everyone to get back to their lives.
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  So we have folks who come in to us.
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  We're like, you know, I know this is a great next step for
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  me, but I've got a business trip in London in two weeks.
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  And that's very important because, you know, I run this
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  business and I must be there. So we'll build the program
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  around that individuals. So if they need a companion,
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  we'll send a companion, you know, if they need monitoring,
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  we'll up the monitoring. We will build sort of the
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  guardrails, if you will, around that individual to create safety
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  so people can work. You know, at our women's house,
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  this has been a big thing because a lot of women say, you
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  know, I can't, you know, I've just gone to treatment.
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  I can't be away from my family any longer.
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  And we have, you know, created a situation where they can sort of
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  be with us in the morning and in the evening, spend the night.
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  But they can go and be with their families.
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  They can get their children on the school bus in the morning.
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  They can go to that lacrosse game.
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  And then they can come back and talk about, you know, what, what
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  went well, what didn't go well, How can we further support them?
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  So yes, that is something that, you know, we encourage everyone
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  to do. We, we are the place that people
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  launch from. That's great.
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  Love it. Yeah.
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  I mean just the, we, we have a track with it within new waters,
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  our executive also known as concierge track where it's sort
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  of typically for somebody who says I want help, I need help.
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  But I, there is just no way I can totally be away from, you
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  know, running my business for so long.
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  And so it's nice to be nimble and flexible, which some places
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  just can't be or or or won't be. And you know, I respect that
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  too, but but we need other options sometimes so.
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  And you know, I'd say, you know, B, we have a pretty concierge
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  approach. So if someone comes in and there
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  are all these things that they sort of need to do and they're
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  important to them. And I think the thing that we
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  have to remember is that staying sober is not the only part of
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  recovery, right? You know, getting back to work,
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  getting back to your family, getting back to the things that
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  draw you up in your Wellness. That's very, very important for
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  folks. So we want to enable them to do
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  that. So we will build it for them.
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  If someone needs a companion part of the day so they can get
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  out in the community and do the things they need to do, we'll
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  add that in. You know, we, we're, we're very
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  excited to help people, you know, get back to their lives.
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  That's, that's why we're here, really.
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  And, you know, we're all in recovery at the White House.
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  I'm in recovery. I wish I had something like this
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  when, you know, I got out of, I got out of treatment.
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  So yeah. Well, Cindy, can you tell us
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  maybe a little bit about that? You know, if you're, if you're
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  open to it, how did you, how did you get involved in this?
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  How did I get involved in this work?
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  Yeah, So, you know, I'd always worked in social services.
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  And let's see, it was in 2011, my sort of life started to
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  derail. It was I'd gone from drinking
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  white wine every night to drinking vodka every night.
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  And, and I was, you know, very depressed, you know, was getting
• 9:57
  divorced. I had a lot of things going on.
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  And I, I got to a place where I felt like, you know, I was going
• 10:08
  to have to check myself into treatment because I, I was, I
• 10:14
  was so sad and I felt so disconnected from myself and so
• 10:21
  disconnected from the people that I loved.
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  And I didn't know how to stop. I just didn't know what to do.
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  So I went to treatment and, and I, I actually went to detox.
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  And so I was a rock star in detox.
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  And it was like, yeah, I got this and got out of detox.
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  And then I, my sister, one of my sisters is a cancer survivor.
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  And I did the Avon walk for the cure with her, walked 39 miles.
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  And I was like, oh gosh, you know, this is, this is, I got
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  it. Like I'm, I'm fixed.
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  And then within five days, I was drinking warm vodka again by
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  myself, and I didn't know what to do.
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  And I've shared this would be, I think when I met him, the first
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  time I met him, I had been sort of flirting, if you will, or
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  auditing a, a meetings. And there was a noon meeting in
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  Greenwich, CT. And I walked into that meeting,
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  tears streaming down my face because I didn't know what else
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  to go or where else to go. You know, I, I couldn't tell my
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  family, you know, that I'd had a return to use.
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  I didn't have the money to go back to detox.
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  And I stood in the doorway there, tears streaming down my
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  face. And there was a woman there who
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  just patted the chair next to her.
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  And I cry every time I talk about this.
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  And so I just came in and I sat down and she just looked at me
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  and said it's going to be OK. And I just sobbed the whole
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  meeting. And then afterwards, she asked
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  me, she didn't give me her phone number.
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  She wasn't pushy. She was very gentle, which was
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  the approach that I needed. And she just said, I'm going to
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  be here tomorrow. Do you think you can come back?
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  And I said, I don't know. And she said, well, I'll be
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  here. And that was it.
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  And I came back and then I came back again and then I came back
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  again. And that was the beginning for
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  me. And so, and then I sort of
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  switched over as I, you know, grew my Wellness and my interest
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  in recovery. And I started seeing folks just
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  like me, women just like me, who lived in beautiful homes and a
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  beautiful families and, you know, felt like the, you know,
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  that was their identity, but they felt very lost inside and
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  didn't know, hadn't, you know, weren't connected to themselves.
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  I started exploring ways that I could help other women.
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  And so I became a recovery coach and then I went back to school
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  and got a master's in clinical mental health counseling.
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  And so, you know, it's like, I feel like, you know, I have a
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  purpose and this is my passion. You know, I'm very committed to
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  helping people find a way to engage in any kind of recovery
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  and helping them remove barriers so that they can engage not just
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  12 step, but you know, anything. Because, you know, in my in my
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  work and in my lived experience, you know, that's what we need to
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  do if we're really going to meet people where they're at in their
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  recovery. We have to remove those
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  barriers. We can't say, well, you must do
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  this and you must do that. We have to find ways to connect
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  so people feel safe enough to consider giving up something
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  that has been their coping skill for so, so many years.
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  Yeah. Yeah, I love it.
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  I mean, I love that story and it almost beautiful story started
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  crying again because when you told it to me in Connecticut, I
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  did get a little tear because it's so beautiful.
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  I the other night was a lot no to Wednesday night.
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  I was sitting in a meeting and I don't, I thought about you
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  without realizing, but some guy was kind of walking and looked a
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  little lost and I just sort of patted the seat next to me, you
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  know, And I, you know, I was, it was a sort of subconscious
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  homage to your story, I think. But, you know, but you're such a
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  great point about somebody not being pushy.
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  We see that a lot in recovery and I mean, and in and in
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  treatment, you know, and there's a, there's a balance between
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  kind of not enabling and kind of giving people some boundaries
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  and some guard rails, like you said.
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  But, you know, if people have been really pushy with me
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  because, I mean, I just feel like in general, most people
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  don't like to be told what to do, but especially Alcoholics
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  and addicts, especially when, you know, we're raw too.
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  And but I had that same kind of just welcoming thing.
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  And if somebody it's come up and just started wagging a finger at
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  me and tell me what to do, I just don't think I, I would have
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  reacted the way I did to it. You mentioned, you know, you
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  seen women who who were just like you, who were struggling in
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  a sort of more of a silent thing.
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  What? What do you from your
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  perspective, why do you think it is a little bit different for
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  women to ask for help? Well, I think there's still a
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  huge amount of stigma. You know, a guy can go out and,
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  you know, tie one on, right? Lose his car, wake up in bed
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  with someone he doesn't know. And most likely his friends are
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  not going to go. What happened?
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  What did you do right, you know, for a woman to do that is still
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  something that, you know, culturally, you know, we see as
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  shameful. And I think also we hold shame.
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  You know, women are expected today to to, you know, have a
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  family, right? And do it beautifully, right?
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  Keep a home like Martha Stewart, hold down a job.
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  You know, it's a lot and, and they are the glue of the
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  families and it's, it's very, very difficult a for the family
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  to let go of that person, right, and say, you know, you need to
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  go get help. Because if she leaves, who's
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  going to make sure that, you know, they're at soccer practice
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  and lacrosse practice and who's bringing cookies to school and
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  who's doing all of these things? And these are just, you know,
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  the, the sort of adjacent things women do.
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  That's not at the heart of what women bring to a home.
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  So I do think that, you know, it is much harder for women to do
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  this. I, I, I think there's more
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  stigma and there is more pressure on them to show up in
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  ways that, that we have to be sort of perfect, you know, and,
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  and, and you know, and of course that's an impossible ideal.
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  None of us are perfect and that's impossible.
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  But for us to ask for help when we are supposed to be the one
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  providing help and showing up for all your family members,
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  it's, it's a really hard thing. We're not taught to do that.
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  We're not. I think that's a great point and
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  some sitting here thinking as you're saying that, I mean, as
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  we know, right, addiction, you know, touches all individuals,
• 17:28
  all walks of life. But thinking about that as
• 17:31
  you're as you're saying it, like I can definitely imagine.
• 17:34
  I mean, I think generally speaking, like, you know, that
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  that striving for perfection can be can produce a lot of anxiety,
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  shame, guilt for all people. But you're exactly right.
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  I think you're exactly right about that.
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  I think society has really put, you know, women in this place to
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  where there is the expectations are, you know, unreachable, you
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  know, and and just way too high. And I can only imagine what
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  that's going to feel like. I mean, to just know that like
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  you've got to be perfect and you're going to do everything
• 18:05
  you can, but there's really just no way that you can do it.
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  I mean, that's no way. And, and, you know, it used to
• 18:10
  be that, you know, I mean, 100 years ago or maybe a little
• 18:14
  less, that we raised our family and community.
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  You know, you had your grandmother there, you had your
• 18:20
  aunt there. You know, everyone was pitching
• 18:23
  in, working to grow this family. And today we become much more
• 18:28
  isolated and women are on their own, you know, at home doing
• 18:32
  this. I mean, not only single mothers,
• 18:35
  but even in within the family unit, there's much more I think
• 18:39
  expected of the women. I think, you know, men have come
• 18:42
  a long way in terms of, you know, picking up, you know,
• 18:47
  responsibility in the home. And so I'm not meaning to to put
• 18:51
  down any gentleman out there, but I do still think it mostly
• 18:54
  falls on, you know, the women in the home.
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  And, and it is a lot. It's a lot.
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  And and that ideal of perfectionism is just
• 19:04
  unattainable. And.
• 19:06
  Yeah, yeah. And I think also, you know,
• 19:09
  there is this culture still out there too, of, you know, you
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  work so hard. You know, there's that mommy
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  wine culture, which is really tough because, OK, you've done
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  all this. Come on over.
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  Right. Let's have a glass of wine.
• 19:22
  You know, I fell into that. I was, you know, totally into
• 19:26
  that. And so it's sort of divided my
• 19:29
  my day from my night. It was my reward.
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  It was the way I unwound and relaxed.
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  And for me, it became, you know, I went from, you know, just sort
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  of casually at night to becoming something I must have every
• 19:47
  evening to, you know, completely sort of consuming my life.
• 19:52
  Yeah. I wasn't even thinking about it
• 19:54
  actually in terms of the single mother, which is a whole
• 19:57
  separate, you know, higher level of this, but also just the sort
• 20:00
  of, you know, we talked about. Taking hostages, you know, being
• 20:04
  we have girlfriends or boyfriends or husbands or wives
• 20:07
  or partners or whatever before we get better, before we get
• 20:10
  sober and that we know we're jokingly sort of refer to them
• 20:14
  as hostages. But then this is another
• 20:16
  example. That is because we see this, you
• 20:18
  know, where the the husband is, knows the wife really needs
• 20:23
  help, but is so afraid of what's going to happen that glue back
• 20:27
  to the glue of what you were talking about earlier.
• 20:30
  And you know, it's almost harder for them sometimes to I mean,
• 20:35
  the the woman, I felt like, I mean, I'm here, I'm generalizing
• 20:38
  so forgive me, But they're they're like you have done this,
• 20:41
  you have done that. You got to get out of here, go
• 20:42
  get help. You know, your job will be OK or
• 20:44
  not, We'll figure it out. But then but the guys get so
• 20:47
  they get petrified because they don't know how they're going to
• 20:49
  possibly run the house for, you know, dirty whole days or in
• 20:54
  your case, you know, for months at a time.
• 20:57
  But then you provide that service where where they are
• 20:59
  able to go, be dad during the day, take the kids to the bus,
• 21:03
  whatever that looks like. Yeah.
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  And I think, you know, that's we really, we really try to listen
• 21:12
  so well to our folks in our community.
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  And we want, you know, we listening for like what what is
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  part of what it, what draws them up, what makes them tick, right?
• 21:23
  What lights them up. And we want to double down on
• 21:26
  all that stuff. So if it's family, we don't want
• 21:29
  to be taking your family away from you.
• 21:31
  We want to be helping you take the steps to reengage with your
• 21:34
  family. If it's work, same thing.
• 21:37
  We don't want to be taking that away from you.
• 21:39
  We want to help you find a way to do this and, and bring it
• 21:43
  back into your life in a way that that it does draw you up
• 21:48
  and and at the same time help you find safer, more healthy
• 21:52
  ways to cope with the things that are uncomfortable for you.
• 21:56
  Yeah. The, the, the, the Fairfield
• 22:00
  County bit, I mean, what, what percentage of clients at the
• 22:04
  Lighthouse are actually living or who are living with you are
• 22:09
  commuting to the city? Is it, is it that or is it kind
• 22:13
  of people who are taking a break from that and kind of working
• 22:15
  virtually and maybe going to go back to that?
• 22:18
  Yeah. So we, we certainly have folks
• 22:20
  that commute into the city. I don't, I don't have a number
• 22:23
  for you, but I would say everybody who is employed and is
• 22:29
  ready to get back to work is getting back into it.
• 22:33
  And if it's, if they're not employed and they're looking to
• 22:37
  explore that, that's another element of coaching that we try
• 22:41
  and bring in as well, some career coaching.
• 22:44
  So because sometimes people have been at a job that they hate,
• 22:48
  you know, for 16 years or something like that.
• 22:51
  And that's one of the reasons that they've been, you know,
• 22:54
  using a substance in an unhealthy way is because they,
• 22:58
  they hate what they do all day long.
• 23:00
  So if you spend 8 hours a day doing something you can't stand,
• 23:03
  right, you're going to probably look for a way to cope with
• 23:07
  that. And so, you know, helping
• 23:09
  people, you know, shift direction.
• 23:12
  We have coaches as a matter of fact, that work for us, that
• 23:15
  we're investment bankers and they were attorneys who, you
• 23:18
  know, are no longer doing that anymore, but they are, this is
• 23:21
  what they love to do is coaching.
• 23:24
  So, you know, they found a way to this.
• 23:26
  And so we're, we aren't encouraging that always to help
• 23:29
  people, you know, explore that. What, what lights you up in a
• 23:33
  positive way and, and you know, how can we help you get to that
• 23:39
  place? And that's really what coaching
• 23:41
  is about is helping people grow their recovery capital, their
• 23:45
  internal and external resources to maintain their Wellness.
• 23:50
  And so, you know, we're looking at, you know, all elements of
• 23:53
  that recovery capital and we want to help people grow that.
• 23:57
  And and so we're, you know, if the, if the long term goal is to
• 24:01
  switch careers, then we're coming back to here now.
• 24:04
  OK, what do you need to do now? Like what are the baby steps to
• 24:07
  get there? That's what we're trying to help
• 24:09
  people do for our audience, celebrating successes.
• 24:14
  Love it. Well, for our audience, who you
• 24:17
  know who maybe who don't they, they don't know what a recovery
• 24:19
  coach does what what would tell them what the recovery coach
• 24:22
  does. Great question.
• 24:24
  Yeah. So a recovery coach is different
• 24:27
  than a sponsor and different than a therapist.
• 24:29
  You know, a sponsor is someone who specifically takes you
• 24:32
  through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and a
• 24:36
  therapist is a person who sort of peels back the onion, if you
• 24:41
  will, to get to the why. Like why what the why of the
• 24:45
  pain. You know the why of the anxiety.
• 24:48
  A recovery coach is someone who sees you as the greatest
• 24:53
  resource in your recovery and is not dealing with symptom
• 24:57
  management, but dealing with being in solution in the moment.
• 25:01
  So we are boots on the ground. How do you do this today, right?
• 25:06
  How do you reintegrate into your home And, you know, how do you
• 25:11
  get back to work? How do you go out to dinner and,
• 25:15
  and not order a drink when you know, the, the server comes over
• 25:20
  and says, what would you like to drink, right?
• 25:22
  How do you go on a date, right, and not drink for the first
• 25:26
  time? So, you know, that's, that's
• 25:29
  what recovery coaches do these real lives.
• 25:32
  You know, how, how do you live recovery right now, today?
• 25:37
  And we don't do this just in isolation.
• 25:39
  You know, we love A-Team approach and we love connecting
• 25:43
  with, you know, a person's psychiatrist and their therapist
• 25:47
  and their family therapist, you know, and we have family
• 25:50
  coaching here. So all of our anyone receiving
• 25:54
  Lighthouse services is gets a family coach as well.
• 25:56
  So we love working as a team so that we are all working in
• 26:01
  concert to help that person have the best chance at maintaining
• 26:06
  their Wellness and reaching their goals.
• 26:09
  And you mentioned, so even after someone's left the the recovery
• 26:13
  residences with you guys, they're able to continue with
• 26:15
  the the coaching and have that support while they reiterate
• 26:18
  back to the house. That's great.
• 26:20
  Yeah. So because, you know, you formed
• 26:23
  such an alliance with this person, they're they're your
• 26:26
  ally. And so, you know, that support
• 26:29
  stays with you. You know, and I would mention as
• 26:31
  well is that we, you know, I feel we built this lovely
• 26:34
  continuum of care. We have our houses, we have our
• 26:38
  apartments, you know, and then we have our coaching services
• 26:42
  that you can take with you, but you can also hop on the
• 26:45
  continuum of care. Just with coaching.
• 26:48
  We have far more people that we coach outside of our homes
• 26:51
  because we only have, you know, availability there for 18 folks
• 26:55
  between the two homes. So, you know, someone can come
• 26:58
  to us and just do our coaching program and have a recovery
• 27:01
  coach and a family coach for their loved ones and, and we
• 27:06
  have daily contact with them. You know, we do at least two
• 27:08
  sessions a week with them, helping them to do the same
• 27:12
  things. The beauty of that too is that
• 27:15
  because we are in daily contact with these individuals, we can
• 27:19
  get ahead of anything before it becomes crisis I.
• 27:22
  Just thought of something when you're talking about the
• 27:23
  difference and thank you for that explanation.
• 27:25
  It was spot on and that. But when I got sober, I was told
• 27:30
  all I had to do was change everything, right?
• 27:33
  And, and, and, but this, my sponsor, you know, took me
• 27:37
  through the steps and still there and helps me help other
• 27:40
  people and so many things. And then, you know, my, I
• 27:43
  haven't been to therapy in a while, but I had a therapist
• 27:45
  that I saw once a week for a year and then, you know, started
• 27:47
  going a little less frequently who was helping me peel back the
• 27:50
  onion and, and figure out why from a clinical standpoint.
• 27:55
  But I probably could have benefited from somebody, you
• 27:58
  know, showing me how to change everything else because, you
• 28:01
  know, you're right. I mean, all those things that
• 28:04
  you mentioned, you know, plus so many more ad infinitum of all
• 28:07
  the things that we need to learn how to do sober, going on a
• 28:10
  date, going to a football game, going to a wedding, going to the
• 28:12
  airport, all that stuff. You know, I mean, my, you know,
• 28:15
  my sponsor would have dropped me like first period physics if I'd
• 28:18
  called him about every little single detail.
• 28:21
  I mean, but you know, they also say, you know, call me if you
• 28:23
  have a hangnail, but also at some point, you know, they're
• 28:27
  probably not doing a great job if they're your, you know, your,
• 28:29
  you know, relationship counselor and your travel agent and
• 28:33
  everything else. So, but you know, that is such
• 28:35
  an important thing. And I think too, when people,
• 28:38
  especially the clients you, you serve who are typically older
• 28:43
  and have got a lot of life experience involving travel and
• 28:47
  dinners and stuff that made me lend them lend itself to more,
• 28:51
  you know, harm, if that's the right word or, or danger of, of
• 28:55
  relapse. So I I think that the coaching
• 28:58
  piece is almost an underrated piece of our of our field.
• 29:02
  Absolutely. And you know, all of our
• 29:04
  coaches, you know, and and I should have said this, right,
• 29:08
  very at the very first thing is they're all in lived recovery,
• 29:11
  right? They all bring their superpower
• 29:14
  honestly, is that they've been there, done this, got that
• 29:18
  T-shirt. They do, you know, so they
• 29:20
  understand how hard it is to do this and they understand what
• 29:26
  it's like to go out on a date without a drink, right?
• 29:29
  They understand how difficult this is.
• 29:32
  The other thing that we do at the Lighthouse, which I think is
• 29:35
  pretty cool, is that, you know, a lot of places give folks
• 29:39
  caseloads and we don't do that. We match people up with a
• 29:43
  recovery coach. So if we have a young man, you
• 29:47
  know, who is in recovery, let's say from an opiate use disorder,
• 29:53
  we're not going to match him up with a 65 year old coach who had
• 29:57
  an alcohol use disorder because they don't have right a lot of
• 30:01
  relatability. You know, we really, really try
• 30:04
  to match folks up with coaches that they're going to have a lot
• 30:08
  of relatability with. So, you know, if you're, if, if
• 30:11
  you're, you know, married and have been divorced and have
• 30:14
  teenage children, you know, we're, we're looking for a coach
• 30:17
  who has lived these things as well.
• 30:20
  So that, you know, you feel anyone would feel supported by
• 30:24
  that person, not only because they're trained in coaching, but
• 30:28
  because they've had that lived experience.
• 30:32
  And I would also mention that, you know, I think recovery
• 30:37
  coaching, it's a bit like the Wild West out there still with
• 30:40
  recovery coaching. You know, we take a lot of pride
• 30:43
  in the training we give our coaches.
• 30:46
  They have supervision every single week.
• 30:48
  We have team meetings every week.
• 30:51
  We really support and want to grow our coaches.
• 30:55
  You know, we have some that have been trained in psychedelic
• 30:58
  assisted recovery. We have others that are trained
• 31:01
  in other specializations. So we really try to match our
• 31:04
  folks up really, you know, well, and I've been called the yenta
• 31:13
  of recovery coaching. So I don't know.
• 31:17
  That's great. The another thing I was thinking
• 31:19
  regarding the coaching piece is the family.
• 31:22
  You guys mentioned that you do the family coaching as well.
• 31:25
  And I mean, I do think, and we, we see that we try to connect
• 31:28
  people, family units to whether it's a therapist or a coach or
• 31:31
  somebody. Because I think a lot of times
• 31:34
  I'm seeing, I'm sure you see this too.
• 31:35
  But the families, you know, your, your loved one is
• 31:38
  receiving some treatment and some support, but the family
• 31:41
  sometimes either #1 doesn't even identify that they need that or
• 31:45
  #2 like they don't while this change process is going on.
• 31:48
  Like they just don't have the support, but they don't have
• 31:51
  somebody in their corner helping to kind of navigate, you know,
• 31:54
  maybe they're getting, you know, some, some education from the
• 31:57
  from the treatment center or from the therapist or something
• 31:59
  like that. But having a coach that's able
• 32:02
  to work with that family and help them navigate the nuances
• 32:05
  is such a changer. I was going to say, it's been a
• 32:08
  game changer for us. It really has been.
• 32:10
  Yeah. And our our family coaches are
• 32:14
  trained in the invitation to Change model, which is born out
• 32:18
  of CMC Berkshires and the work of Kerry Wilkins and Jeff Foot.
• 32:23
  And it's just this beautiful model that marries compassion
• 32:28
  and science. And, and it is all about that.
• 32:32
  It's all about helping the family members grow their own
• 32:37
  Wellness at the same time and also giving them a voice to be
• 32:42
  heard, right? And also giving them space to
• 32:46
  talk about the things that are really hard, their fear, their
• 32:50
  sadness, the loss. You know, there's, you know,
• 32:54
  nobody, you know, nobody holds a baby in their arms and says,
• 32:58
  well, gosh, I hope they grow up and have a substance use
• 33:01
  disorder, right? For families, this is super hard
• 33:04
  and, you know, they do the best they can with the tools that
• 33:07
  they have. And we, you know, try to help
• 33:10
  them have some more tools so that they can communicate
• 33:13
  better, so that they can manage their own feelings better and
• 33:16
  work some through some of that hard stuff.
• 33:19
  It's really hard, yeah. And to help them understand that
• 33:22
  this isn't a punishment for them because sometimes we see this
• 33:25
  where the family member is, you know, the attitude is, you know,
• 33:29
  my son is the one who wrecked the car and, you know, Paul and
• 33:33
  my jewel or whatever, why I the one who has to do any work that
• 33:37
  he's the one who did that. And what they hopefully find is
• 33:40
  that, you know, they can find their own recovery without
• 33:42
  having to, you know, go to the depths of addiction.
• 33:45
  Yeah, and I think, you know, a lot of family, you know, there's
• 33:47
  anger, all of that and, and sadness and grief and, you know,
• 33:53
  I mean, it is it. You know, the more everyone is
• 33:59
  healing, you know, the better. There's a lovely story about the
• 34:04
  healing forest. You know, that was that I was
• 34:08
  introduced to through Don Koias, who developed the Wellbriety
• 34:13
  movement. And, you know, he talks about,
• 34:16
  you know, you have this forest and you have all the trees in
• 34:20
  the forest getting the same light.
• 34:23
  They're sharing the same soil, the same nutrients, but one of
• 34:27
  the trees in the forest gets very, very unwell.
• 34:30
  So they take the tree out of the forest and they send the tree to
• 34:32
  tree rehab, you know, and the tree gets pruned and it gets
• 34:36
  miracle grow and lots of better sunlight.
• 34:39
  And people love on this tree gets all healthy.
• 34:43
  And then they take the tree and they send it back to the forest.
• 34:46
  But the forest has not had any of that care.
• 34:50
  And the person gets sick right away.
• 34:53
  And we go, how could that happen?
• 34:54
  I just spent $60,000 on tree rehab.
• 34:57
  So this is, you know, we all have to heal.
• 35:01
  It's so very, very important. Yeah.
• 35:05
  That's it. I love that analogy, Nack.
• 35:06
  It's easy to picture and but I've never heard of well Bridy,
• 35:11
  I can sort of do my own math here and put that together, that
• 35:15
  portmanteau and figure out what it actually says.
• 35:18
  But what is it? What is what is well-being?
• 35:20
  Well. Sobriety, right?
• 35:22
  Which is, you know, you got sober, right?
• 35:25
  Wellbriety is about like what happens after you get sober,
• 35:30
  right? How are you growing your
• 35:31
  Wellness, your spiritual Wellness, your emotional
• 35:35
  Wellness, your community Wellness?
• 35:38
  How are you giving back? How are you, you know, building
• 35:43
  all of those things out so it doesn't stop with just getting
• 35:47
  sober, right? That's just what that's the
• 35:49
  that's the foundation we need. The wellbriety piece of this is
• 35:54
  the most incredible piece of this.
• 35:56
  And you know, I've been in recovery since 2011, you know,
• 36:01
  and that's daily work for me that is growing my wellbriety,
• 36:05
  you know, my Wellness and whatever that is, you know, for
• 36:08
  me, it started 12 step all day. I started out three meetings
• 36:12
  day. I was just like, I can't be away
• 36:15
  from one of you because I can't, I won't be able to hold it
• 36:18
  together. And now my Wellness and my
• 36:21
  wellbriety, if you will, has morph to I do meetings, I
• 36:25
  meditate, I do a lot of self compassion work.
• 36:28
  I brought in a lot of Eastern philosophy into the work that I
• 36:31
  do and and to my Wellness. And so it's changed and, and I
• 36:39
  and I imagine it will continue to change as I change and I grow
• 36:42
  and, and we encourage that for all of our folks.
• 36:45
  Nothing is cookie cutter. You know, we really want people
• 36:48
  to find what draws them up and grow that, well, variety piece.
• 36:54
  I love it. I mean, it kind of goes back to
• 36:55
  the one of the first things you said is there's more to being
• 36:58
  sober than just being dry or sober.
• 37:01
  I don't know exactly how you said you're right.
• 37:02
  I mean, you know, I, I know I didn't get sober to just sit on
• 37:05
  my hands and just be afraid of the, the world.
• 37:08
  Right, right. And, you know, I would say, and
• 37:11
  most of us didn't get sober to sit in a church basement.
• 37:14
  You know, we got sober to live our best lives, right, so that
• 37:17
  we can, you know, be out there, you know, having fun.
• 37:22
  Fun is huge, you know, and Trey, our CEO, talks about this all
• 37:26
  the time, you know, the importance of, you know, having
• 37:29
  fun and sobriety, you know, getting reconnected with the
• 37:33
  things that you used to love to do, finding other things now
• 37:36
  that you may love to do. It's so very, very important.
• 37:40
  Yeah. Well, we're not a glum lot and,
• 37:45
  and I'd be remiss about it and say, you know, Trey, your your
• 37:48
  CEO and founder was a he was an early guest on the podcast.
• 37:52
  So thank him for that, for helping us get this thing going.
• 37:54
  And this, I mean, this seems like a pretty good place to wrap
• 37:58
  it up. And we always want to just ask
• 37:59
  how to how does our audience find you and find the
• 38:03
  lighthouse? Right, so, you know, they can go
• 38:06
  to our website, you know, which is the lighthouse W the
• 38:09
  lighthouse ct.com. You know, they can reach me at
• 38:14
  Cini, at CINI at the lighthouse ct.com.
• 38:20
  You know, Trey is always open to phone calls.
• 38:23
  I'm always open to phone calls. We love hearing from people.
• 38:27
  We love introducing them to our community and and we'd love to,
• 38:32
  you know, show you around too. If you're ever in this neck of
• 38:34
  the woods and you want to visit, we'd love to have you come by.
• 38:38
  Thank you so much. Yeah.
• 38:41
  Yeah. Thank you, Cindy.
• 38:41
  It's been great. We really appreciate it.
• 38:43
  Thank you for having. Me, yeah, I'm really very
• 38:46
  grateful. And I just want to reiterate
• 38:49
  that Cindy, Trey, they're great people.
• 38:51
  They're doing great work. I've been there, I've seen it.
• 38:54
  I've been just seeing the beautiful house, but I've seen
• 38:56
  how they operate and it's an amazing place.
• 38:59
  So I can't recommend it enough SO.
• 39:01
  Thank you. Thank you.
• 39:03
  Yeah. All right.
• 39:05
  Have a great rest of your day. Great weekend.
• 39:07
  Have a great. Weekend.
• 39:09
  All right. Thank you.
• 39:11
  If you liked what you heard today or just want to know more,
• 39:14
  give us a call on 9196708119 or visit us at
• 39:19
  newwatersrecovery.com. Thank you.