Latest / Daisy’s mini rants / Rebuilding After Trauma
Transcript
- angel: Yeah. I've survived a catastrophic car accident and I have dealed daily with chronic pain and My memoir is called Fightin' to Come Home and Writing gave me a way to speak honestly about my life, including parts I'm not proud of and parts that I am. And I want people listening to know that I'm still rebuilding and you don't have to have everything figured out before you experiences can help someone else and What happened that changed the direction of my life was a car accident in two thousand sixteen. I was only twenty six at the time and I suffered serious injuries to my pelvis and both my legs and my foot as well and other injuries and That meant a lot of surgeries and a really long recovery and the physical effects are still part of my daily life and I live with chronic pain and limitations that people can't always see and later I experienced incarceration and separation from my children. And those experiences forced me to confront different kinds of pain and missing my children and losing control over parts of my life made me face questions about my own decisions and I wouldn't put all those experiences into one simple explanation. Some things happened to me and there are also choices I've had to take responsibility for and being honest means making room for both of those. Daisy Oni: Yeah. Okay. thank you very much for in for introducing yourself. I really appreciate that. wow. That is That's really touching. You've been through so much and can you tell me how did you find strength to keep going? How did you find strength to come out of that place? angel: my children gave me the strength to keep fighting on days when I wanted to give up and just say, you know, the heck with it. But when you're a mother you have to think about the other people that are dependent on you and it's really f overwhelming and it exhausting sometimes but the definitely my children have given me the strength to keep going and to know that there's still a life worth fighting for even after everything Daisy Oni: Yeah. angel: you've experienced and Your worst chapter or your worst mistake doesn't have to be the ending of your story. Daisy Oni: Yeah, very true. So what do you think it takes to review? angel: It a lot of courage. It's a long process, that's for sure, and it's not something that is something that's easy. It's sometimes very slow and it's taking responsibility and accountability for everything and doing the work honestly and you know, and ha having enough compassion to believe I can live differently and forgiven myself didn't erase the responsibility. It gives me a reason to keep meeting it. Daisy Oni: Yeah. Okay. so let's say for example you wake up and you are twenty years old right now. what would you what would you change? What would you do differently? angel: I would ask I would ask for help sooner or try to heal parts of my younger life that I didn't realize needed healing at the time and I would give myself a lot of grace and you know, and tell her that those things that happened to her when she was younger, y it wasn't her fault and she didn't deserve them and it's you just gotta take one day at a time. Daisy Oni: Yeah, yeah. Okay. So fast forward to right now, there are definitely like a long a lot of people, a long list of people, young people out there that might take steps that they don't realize might change the tra trajectory of their life, not in a positive way, right? how would you say they can find what the problem is and fix it on time before it gets too bad? angel: So you you have to choose one thing that you've been avoiding and bring someone trustworthy that into what you're going through and you can tell them that you're worried about a decision that you're making or something has happened and I don't know what to do next and You don't need a polished explanation. Just start with what you can say. And if the first person doesn't listen or cannot help, that doesn't mean your situation isn't important. You try another person and another appropriate person and you deserve to be heard. Daisy Oni: Yeah, very true. Okay. thank you very much for that answer. so my next question is when did you first want to become an author? angel: when I was nineteen, I wanted to become one and I started writing my story out then, but it wasn't ready to be told then. It took me another sixteen plus years to write it. Daisy Oni: Why wasn't it ready to be sold then? angel: I still had more experiences to go through for it to mean something and for it to unfold into something worth telling. Daisy Oni: Okay. All right. That makes sense. So what would you say is or has been the biggest event of your life? angel: My car accident was the biggest thing I went through and I There was definitely something that I had to acknowledge that life was never going to be the same. Especially when you have to learn how to walk again and to live in a body that's no longer the same. You Daisy Oni: The same, yeah. angel: it's really traumatizing and it's a lot of work to live differently and it's not something I I have completely healed from and it's something I still deal with every single day. Daisy Oni: Okay. what makes you feel relaxed? angel: outside, being outside and doing work around my yard and gardening in the summer. Daisy Oni: Okay, so I guess that's you saying everybody should find something that makes them feel relaxed, yeah? angel: Yes. anything that's gonna help you feel calmer or even more productive. And it Daisy Oni: Yeah. angel: doesn't even have to be anything big, like for younger people it's sometimes it's coloring or artwork, right? And Daisy Oni: Mm-hmm. angel: or writing even And writing has helped me heal so much of my life that I couldn't even imagine. Daisy Oni: Thank you so much for that because I I stopped writing like I think last year, early last year, and I have been trying to get my girls back. some months ago I tried to like write down a short film that I want to shoot, but then just stopped there and I've been finding it difficult to like actually get my girl back. So what advice would you give to me and other people like me? angel: So I don't I I can relate with that because it took me a while too to find mine and I think you sometimes you have to maybe go through a situation and start journaling. Like if you journal and you write things down that like a daily journal of what you did that day or what's something you've learnt and then you Daisy Oni: Mm. angel: keep track of everything and then at the end of the month you read it and that's actually kind of what gave me my groove back. I actually did a a thirty day gratitude journal. They're not last year but the year before. And that's what got me writing again. Daisy Oni: okay, might might be challenged. Was it a challenge? angel: so yeah, a thir yeah, it was a thirty day challenge, yeah. It was actually. Daisy Oni: Okay. angel: And then each day was something so it was really kinda I forget exactly. I think I still have it somewhere, but Each day was like a different kind of topic of that Daisy Oni: Okay. angel: and made me then I put it all together and used a lot of it for insight. Daisy Oni: Okay. I guess I will try angel: Hmm. Daisy Oni: that out then. Thank you very much for that. angel: Yeah, there's different thirty day writing challenges and stuff like on Pinterest and stuff. Daisy Oni: Sorry, can you come again? I didn't get that. angel: That something that you're interested in. It doesn't have to be a gratitude even. Daisy Oni: Can you hear me? Okay, I was saying can you angel: I can. Daisy Oni: go about what you just said? I I didn't I didn't get that. angel: I said there's on Pinterest there's even a thirty day different writing challenges and it doesn't have to be gratitude even. Daisy Oni: yeah yeah yeah yeah. Okay. So how many kids do you have? angel: I have two and I have a daughter and a son. Daisy Oni: Was it her trying to reconnect back with them? angel: Was it hard to be separated for them? Daisy Oni: No, was it hard to be reconnected back to them after losing so many years? angel: it is definitely been hard. it's only been this last year that I've fully been able to reconnect and the We live about ten hours away from each other and just this last year I've been traveling to see them once a month for visits and it's definitely a struggle on its own but it's worth Daisy Oni: Yeah. angel: every every bit of it. You have to rebuild a lot of connection and trust and and like a bond again and Daisy Oni: yeah. I'm so so glad. angel: It's Daisy Oni: Sorry what you done. angel: Hmm. Yeah. Daisy Oni: Okay, I'm so glad you went to record for them. That's that's really amazing. angel: Yeah, it's it is. Very a a lot of emotions that come up with it, but they're my babies and Daisy Oni: It's just angel: I I love them no matter what. Daisy Oni: Yeah. Can't wait to be in Mother From D. angel: Yeah, it's a lot of work and you know when I wish that I knew a lot of the things I did now. Then and healed a lot of parts of myself earlier before I had my first child and but we can't undo yesterday, we can only be better today and change tomorrow, right? Daisy Oni: Yeah. That's such a powerful statement, yeah. Yeah, very realistic and this is a call to action. So people listening, yes, you can't change your past, but you can make tomorrow better. angel: Mm-hmm. No. Yes. Daisy Oni: Yeah. thank you so much, Angel. Is there any other thing you want to share with me? angel: so I believe What I want listeners to take away from this conversation or even from reading my memoir is that you can face your life honestly without giving up on yourself. You can acknowledge what has hurt you. You can take responsibility for the choices that belong to you and You can ask for help with what's coming next. You I still live every day with pain, and there are parts of my life I am still working through. But I'm also a mother and a woman who hopes for her future. Whatever brought you to this moment, your next step matters. Give yourself the support and take it. Daisy Oni: Thank you very much. That's so beautiful. angel: You're welcome. Daisy Oni: Yeah. So thank you so much for having me on. Angel Wheeler is an author, a mother, a wife, a survivor, and an advocate, and she has a website that brings together her experiences with trauma, chronic pain, incarceration, motherhood, and many more and it's also a place for how to connect with people for speaking opportunities podcast invitations and encouragement through shared living experience so make sure you check out her link I'm going to add it to the podcast description so thank you so much thank you for having me thank you for accepting my invite looking forward to more future experiences with you. angel: Thank you. It was a pleasure to accept your invitation to be on your show. Daisy Oni: Thank you so much. Alright, see you. Have a great day. Bye. Thank you. angel: Bye bye. You too, Daisy. Bye bye.