Latest / Jess Ask / Divine Manicure: Finding God in the Quiet of Self-Care | EP32

Transcript

Divine Manicure: Finding God in the Quiet of Self-Care | EP32 · Jess Ask

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Hey, it's your girl, Jess. You've just entered a safe space for
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Kingdom entrepreneurs and creatives to decompress, have fun, and yeah, you've guessed
0:16
it a safe place to just ask. Before we get into it, be
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sure to subscribe and download the podcast, follow me on all platforms at the
0:27
Jessica es Smith and invital friend. Also make sure you DM me your feedback
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and questions so we can keep the conversation going. Now, let's get into
0:41
this week's episode. M girl. For one, I don't not want to
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be digging like what godly I see why dogs just be like a more like
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yo yo yo, were recording right? Oh okay, bitch yo yo yo.
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Y'all have to make sure because I'll go straight into it and the woman
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gott to be like, yeah, and y'all see, I'm trying to just
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my mics. Oh but yes, it's a new week. It is hallelujah,
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hallelujah. It's Thursday. It's Thursday. Hallelujah, Hall hallelujah, Hallelujahay
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on a Thursday, maybe a Monday, or maybe a Tuesday, Friday,
1:36
Saturday, on Sunday. But you're watching you, watching you, watching you,
1:41
watching or listening. So yeah, that might drop when that singles gonna
1:47
drop, So y'all might realize something a little new about this episode. If
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you're watching on the you and the tube, but they're gonna they gonna see
1:55
that we got two camels shout on that. Hey, y'all, y'all can
2:00
see the Woman of God. Now, oh my goodness, this ray.
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I got sick of just hearing your voice and not seeing you when I watch
2:07
on YouTube. I got ci good and you know what, I got so
2:13
sick of it that I went to the Lord in prayer to the Lord.
2:16
I went to the Lord. And you see before twenty twenty three ended what
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he oh he answers good old prayers when you go to him, go to
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him in authentic matters. And we knew that we needed a new camera.
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Huh, so you can see the Woman of God just wanted to see me,
2:37
girl. The people wanted to see you. They did, y'all tell
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me if I'm lying. It's certain people that watch consistently and they been like,
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the algorithm ain't algorithm because your face ain't on the screen. So I'm
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just saying, but welcome to just add that's the podcast where we create a
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safe space for Kingdom entrepreneurs to decompress, half fun and you know what else,
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just ass and listen, yo, yo, your girl, your girl
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feeling herself just a little bit. If you can't see me on the YouTube,
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I'm gonna make the make the noise in. Got nails. I got
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on nails. I got on nails. And you know when you put some
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black black girl and some nails on the west side of burn here, you
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know what I'm saying. I'm so tickled. I don't know how to don't
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know how. It can't take me nowhere. I talk with my hands.
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So when y'all see my hand in the camera, it's because I got a
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nail, all ten of them right now. Because you know, be there
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one that pop off, I'm not okay. So let's see, I am
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the woman that take when one pop off, all on pop? Are you
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the woman? They just let them sit there? So so I work with
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my hands, so I have to be careful because I also do hair.
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So when one get the I get more of like the lifting and things.
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So when that starts to happen, I have to go get them done otherwise
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I'm gonna be snagging folks. Out. You would that would be I wouldn't.
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You wouldn't getting on tip from me snagging on hair, you know,
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get caught in the corner a little bit, and you know I'm tender head.
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Oh I'm tend when Kenda does my hair. Now, if y'all can
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see under this head, oh, the roots, all the roots on this
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joint, the roots on this joint is it's rooting. They rooting. Okay,
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they rooting. I'm out of here, free out, but it's retwisting.
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It comes soon, okay. But y'all, why it is so important
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that I have my nails on? For one now? Only do I have
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my nails on? Uh? And they press songs. By the way,
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that day Jessica did these. Okay, I'm gona tell you the story in
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a second, because they look good, y'all. I learned on YouTube.
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I learned on YouTube the process of putting your putting your nails on on the
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press songs. So go to YouTube. These are kiss nails. They was
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less than ten dollars. I didn't had these for like six months and hadn't
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done anything with My team member did them for me one time out of another
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kiss box that was under ten dollars and then I did them myself last night
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and it was not playing, Dizzy, it was not playing. So I
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wanted to set this so for you watch this so you know the Lord be
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speaking and stuff. Right, Yeah, So I don't know this week,
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baby, probably about the past two weeks, I've been feeling a little off.
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I've been feeling a little off, and I could be honest, I
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couldn't give myself an answer of why I was necessarily feeling the way I was
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feeling. You say, off, I didn't feel like myself and I've been
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feeling like a lot of things are changing. Right, So I've said this
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multiple times that this is like we're in the season of birthing and transition,
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right, yes, soyes, okay, so you feel that. Yeah,
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so it's a lot of new things happening. But I said and transition the
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and all right, that means that goes with it. Yeah, birthing,
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something's going to be birthed out. When things are going to change, you
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would think you would be like obviously know when something's birthing, something automatically changes.
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But this is not the automatic change. This is the and changing,
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like the adjustments are being made that have already been made in the spirit that
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are now now manifesting in the natural. And so I said this multiple times,
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and so I'm like, Okay, bit, I'm thinking it's about to
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be this awesome thing. I still don't know what I'm transitioning to, but
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I know that a transition has happening. And that's why I say something's off,
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because and we say that, that's like we say that loosely, but
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something is actually changing, right, And so I've been in this space.
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That's interesting you said something was off, because it's probably not off. It's
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just a new thing that you don't quite own language for yet exactly. So
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I haven't found language for what how I feel when I'm thinking, how I'm
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thinking, how I'm moving, how I've And I was telling my family this
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morning, I was like, it's almost like I'm purposely putting myself in this
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non position because certain things that have phased me before. I can't afford to
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a lot of faith, even with people that I love, you know what
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I'm saying, like and just value and all stuff like that, Like I
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have to because I'm trying to manage my emotions differently, or I'm trying to
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manage my thoughts differently or I'm trying to manage my processes differently, and so
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I know them has become my safety net. But I know I gotta readdress
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like certain things. But I think the season right now, I'm like,
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okay, I can't overwhelm myself with this right now. And so and even
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sometimes when you are birthing, there are certain precautions that you do have to
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take in the birthing season that but if not, it could affect the birth.
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That's so good, right, that's so good. Yeah, that's what.
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It could affect the birth. Like I ain't you know, I haven't
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never had a key before. But you know, let's say you are you're
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a woman, and to say you have been used to working out, you
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may can still do that, but you have to work out a little bit
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differently when you're carrying something. Girl, you know they see your face.
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You gotta used to and y'all gonna grow with us. Were learning, we
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learn and growing together. Okay, I was like, I'm just talking.
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I'm like yeah, I was like, oh yeah, let me switch switch.
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But yeah, so like when you're carrying something, i e. A
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baby, you know these are we're carrying spiritual children. Right when if you're
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used to a certain way of moving and doing things, like when you're pregnant,
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sometimes you have to readjust those things that you're doing so it does not
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affect what you're carrying. Girl, I could throw something. So that's the
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literally literally as you're talking, I'm like, yeah, because there's just certain
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things that you can't do or can't even even you know, like as you're
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talking about, sometimes you have to protect your space and your atmosphere because the
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baby on the inside can feel and hear what's going on on the outside,
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you know. So there's certain sometimes certain conversations or certain things that you may
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have been accustomed to before that you just can't do now. Mm hmm.
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You just can't do it now. And you know, even a thing about
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like being a physical mother, a physical parent, like when you become especially
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moms, people can say stuff about theirs or they or would not being inclusive,
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but uh, your average mother, yeah, let's just say that will
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take on more responsibility, especially in the beginning for a child, because for
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one day birth, they literally push this child out of themselves, right and
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then they're nurturing the child right on that they need that that child needs that
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physical body to survive. Right, So you got all these all these opportunities
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to where now I'm not even my own person, Like I'm not even myself
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right now as far as what I knew. So now I'm trying to I'm
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going through a phase of relearning who I am. Because I didn't have mother,
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or I didn't have entrepreneur, let's make it practical, I didn't have
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student, I didn't have minister or whatever you might be birthing in this season.
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I didn't have that as an attribute or a title or a thank you
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holy spirit of responsibility. So now that my responsibility has changed, or I'm
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freeing myself right now, now that my responsibility has changed, my outlook has
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to change. My actions have to change, because my response, my even
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circles, my friend groups, they have to change. Even the people that
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support me being a mom, whatever your mom title is. Even the people
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that support me being that they are. Some of them are distanced and some
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of them are close enough. So you see certain things change. Like two
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of my friends I love dearly, both of them married with children. I
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just salke spoke to one of them before before we started recording, and I
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was just checking on, checking on her. She's about to have her third,
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third baby, and even the dynamic dynamic of our relationships have changed,
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not for the bad, but because I'm not a mom them to a mother's
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and wise I can't relate to that. I can just be the fun friend
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and say, girl, y'all want to be coompressed because I just told you,
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I said we can meet up, y'all can bring bring the kids.
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She was like, ugh, sometimes you want to release the responsibility. I'm
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the I'm the one that you can release that responsibility with you know what I'm
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saying, and still be respectful of your responsibility. Right and so that was
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good. That was That was a good thing, right now, that was
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good. So watch this, dizzy I and y'all, I'm not just talking
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to her, I'm talking to you. So the the thing about me my
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nails being done. So I cooked this week. I cooked this week.
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I cooked some greens, some baked beans, and some macaron cheese. I
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knew I could cook two out of three of them. Okay, let's just
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be real. I knew I could cook two out of three of them,
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but I didn't know I could cook collars. Not only did I know,
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did I cook the collars? I cut them and I cleaned them. I've
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never done that before. Come on, ever, ever, ever, ever,
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ever, So as I'm doing this, like I'm literally tapping into my
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grandmother, come on, like, I remember she wouldn't let us in the
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kitchen. Now, she wouldn't let us, she wouldn't let us do nothing.
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However, she let us watch. And I didn't think now she's passed
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away. I did not think that watching her at a young age that I
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would remember. I'm thirty one years old, you're talking about. I was
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six seven years old watching her. That's when I, you know, was
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interested in being around. I wish I wish my grandma parents parents were here.
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I don't have any of my grandparents living, but watching her, I
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remember how she would cut and I remember how people still say to this day
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that my grandma had the best greens, and the one of the things that
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they appreciated about her greens is how she cut them. And so she a
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small color or she cut them chunkiir, oh, she's a small fine dying
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is wine, baby, You ain't have no chuck of greens with Jesse deal.
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Okay, and my homegirl named Jessedale, okay, And no, I
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was not named after her. I was named nothing my dad's godmother. But
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that's a whole nother story for a different day. If do y'all think that's
14:45
wrong, y'all take it up with my daddy when he come here. Y'all
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can talk to him about period. Period. But so I get from cooking,
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all right, I go from cooking for myself and transitioning over to the
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next day, which was when I put my nails on, okay, And
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so I didn't worked. I've worked all day and I know I got stuff
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to do. But as I'm driving home, I hear the Lord say,
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spend some time with me, right, And it's one of the things that
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I've been working on. That's one of the things that I've been trying to
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tap into. But I hear the Lord say, spend some time with me.
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And so I get home and all I can see I see myself in
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my space. Right. I go live in this space. I do like
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studying this space. But also what I wanted this space to be was like
15:39
a prayer room type of thing, like a war room or a worship atmosphere
15:45
or whatnot. And so I make this you know. I pull up.
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Then all of a sudden, I get a desire, like to do my
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nails. I'm like, I don't know, I'm thinking, I'm thinking I'm
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losing my mind at this point. I'm like, that is so like not
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insane, that is so not insane. How' much spend time with you and
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do my nails at the same time. He said, just do it right,
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just do it, And so I go in. I go in.
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I find the nails, the exact nails that because I forgot about these nails.
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To be honest, I seen them when I was cleaning up three weeks
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ago. Thank you, kiss kiss them them. Press songs don't come along
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listen because the way we was growing up, press songs were pressed on it.
16:29
Okay, they was following off you was going to Anna and Nils on
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Susie on the west side of the Western Hills mall. That's why why I
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started getting my nails done. My little boyfriend was giving me a twenty dollars
16:41
to get and maybe they was longer than this and this long for me,
16:45
this long for me. But wassn't hills mall. You know, I think
16:48
they're still there. They might still be there, but so I go in
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and I find the nails, and I get everything ready for nails, and
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I have my Bible open whatever, and he was like, okay, you
17:00
know, I'm playing this music, the Intercession prayer and intercession music. It's
17:06
not warm music. It's just very calm and very relaxing music. But also
17:10
I start if like I started tapping in or going this when I the music
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that helps my my mind flow, like just but at this point my mind
17:18
is not going. I'm just doing my nails. Now. I did have
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to, you know, take a moment to watch on YouTube five minute video
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on how to do these properly, but then I went back to music.
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Okay. So so I'm sitting here at this moment and I'm just I'm doing
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my nails, and the Lord is not saying a lot to me. He's
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not doing like we're not communicating a lot. I'm just really folk like focus
17:45
on doing my nails. And when I was done, he was like,
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okay, so now you should paint your nails, your toe nails. So
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I was like, cause, and what's interesting is I was like, man,
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I do want to get my nails done, but I can't afford them,
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right, I can't afford to get my nails done. I'm telling all
17:59
my business right now. The budget the budget did not include the nail.
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The budget did not include the nails. And so I when found some nail
18:11
polished and painting my toes now they don't look like two duble my nil when
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paint my nail and she doing so good the pedicure, everything just be on
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point. It wasn't two, but it was. It was what I could
18:25
do, right, And so I thought that was kind of odd. I'm
18:30
not even gonna lie. I was like, God, why would you position
18:33
me to go in there do something I've never done before? And then on
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top of that that transitions to me painting my nails and then I just sitt
18:47
on the couch and just chill. And so he was just revealing to me,
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for one, that there's some things that I want other people to do
18:56
for me that I need to do for myself. A right, It's real.
19:02
There are some things that I've been leaning and depending on people to do
19:04
for me that I would have to do for that I need to do for
19:07
myself. Right. The second thing is to have not only do it,
19:11
but walk in confidence that I can do it. So the whole CALLI green
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thing, I would have never I would have never go because just to day,
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I didn't teach me that before she left. I don't know. I
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you know, I always thank you Holy Spirit. I always compare myself,
19:29
even if it's to other people my bloodline. If I hadn't seen them do
19:33
it and I hadn't learned from there or anything, let that I'm not confident
19:36
in doing. Like the reason why I make good Magrom cheese is because I
19:38
witnessed my day to do it and he taught me how to do it.
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Reason why I know how to cook baked beans shout out to Mama Anne.
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Mama Anne literally walked me through how to cook baked beans. But now I'm
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having to try to figure this out. And then it's also for me.
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It's a feminine thing because my mother didn't raise me my day. It did.
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So all of these cooking we can get your nails done, doing your
20:03
hair, my makeup today, y'all. It was all intentional for me to
20:08
do this now because God is really we're talking about transition. The things that
20:14
I need to learn now are when I get into the is when you're in
20:18
transition. So you have this moment of old what you knew, what you
20:22
knew, transition is what you're learning, and then your new self gets to
20:29
expose or act on what you learn in transition. And so now I'm in
20:33
this place where I'm like, Okay, so I'm gonna be utilizing this stuff
20:37
or I'm gonna what we're doing could what you were paying me for. Lord,
20:45
it's what you been paying me for, because you know, we're sisters.
20:48
So I feel like that's a part of we're in a similar parallel.
20:53
It's just because we haven't talked, it just looked a little different, right.
20:57
So I feel like he's putting me in spaces too to be able to
21:03
stand on my own because I lean on people, especially in certain arenas that
21:08
I'm just not comfortable in. Right. I e. You know, the
21:11
first unboxed worship, the prayer he has, right, I was like,
21:15
yeah, Jessica coming in, she about to you got to pray, and
21:18
she gonna pray. She gonna pray because I'm like, Lord, because you
21:22
told me together these people, but I don't even pray like that, Like
21:23
I don't know, why are you telling me do this? I don't know.
21:26
So that was first Friday nights. Right Wednesday, just context me and
21:33
says, Hey, I can't leave the house till a Saturday. I said,
21:37
your girl got COVID. What she's telling me she got COVID. So
21:41
I'm like, okay, lord, uh so, so who's gonna pray?
21:51
Right? Kid? I kid you not. Twenty minutes later, I got
21:55
a message. I'm in this. So one of my mentors thoughts to watching.
21:59
Her pastor is a post so Lucas and Huntsville. So I've been,
22:02
I've gone to church with them and stuff like that. I've you know,
22:04
ministered something a little bit there. And so I'm included in the church text
22:08
message that she's sitting down on every Wednesday for Bible study. It's just a
22:14
generic hey we having boble study to night. It got the come join us
22:18
in person. If not, here's the calling code for those who are out
22:21
of town. Right. So sometimes I get a chance to listen in when
22:23
I'm free on Wednesdays. Well, they're going through this book called Holy Spirit,
22:27
the Bondage Breaker. Right, So she sends the message like every Wednesday,
22:30
and I like the message. You know, iPhones, you know,
22:33
you can react to the messages just to acknowledge that I received it. Okay.
22:38
So then she text me back, she said, oh, hey men,
22:41
mister Greenwood, if you want to teach one of the lessons. This
22:45
this is not how this was a text message. This is my voice.
22:48
I felt like, you know, you know, you gotta change it for
22:49
it. If you want to teach one of the lessons, let me know
22:52
and I'll put you on the calendar. Now, keep in mind, I
22:57
don't go to this church, but she's asking me, inviting me to teach
23:06
her congregation. So this is just after just just told me she had COVID
23:15
and I got to do this prayer gathering that the Lord of Them told me
23:18
to do that I don't I don't feel like I'm very qualified to do.
23:21
Honestly. Now I'm being asked to teach a Bible study at a church that
23:27
I don't know. I've gone there. I'm very welcome there, but I
23:30
don't attend there. Right then, one of my clients, so this was
23:37
actually last week, No, I don't know, it was one weeks back.
23:41
Then one of my clients asked me to come to a networking event.
23:45
It's an organization called Beacon People, and they have coffee and conversations. So
23:48
it's a network of you know, they try to gather women of faith based
23:53
likeness. And she invites me. So it's on a Wednesday, and then
24:00
she text me on that Wednesday morning and say, hey, I got a
24:03
sick kid and I ain't gonna be able to make it. So I was
24:07
relying, you know, that was somebody I knew in this strange environment that
24:11
I was comfortable with. But now I'm in this in this space by myself.
24:15
So I texted, I said, hey, I made it, and
24:17
I'm gona try not to be the web person standing over in the corner because
24:21
I'm I'm cool with like even if it's somebody don't know, like one on
24:25
one, maybe one on you know, one on two, maybe two people.
24:26
But in a group of people that I don't know, I am very
24:30
uncomfortable and awkward. Yeah, very uncomfortable and awkward. But it was so
24:36
amazing. I talked, I listened, I learned, and then they broke
24:41
us up in these smaller like groups of three and I was just literally just
24:45
being myself, like I got to be myself, you know, I got
24:48
to share, and they was listening to me. I was like, these
24:52
people were listening to me like I got some sight, yeah right, And
24:55
I was like, so I just took a stip so that later on that
24:57
day, that's the reflection that I had. I was like, why you're
25:03
this is literally a transitional season where he's really teaching me and training me in
25:07
very uncomfortable situations for something. I don't know where where he taking me,
25:12
but that's what the transition is. It's like he's showing us, he's teaching
25:17
us different things, things that are uncomfortable because it's not what we have been
25:21
doing. But even you in that space he was he was teaching. He
25:25
was showing you different ways on really how to spend time with him, like
25:27
you were used to spending time with him a certain type of way. But
25:30
he's like, yeah, no, just you know, flow with me.
25:33
And that's the thing. So I was talking to my friend right and she
25:38
was telling me that she went through this season where she she this is how
25:42
she became like an in accessor or whatever, and she said she spent time
25:47
with with God, like she told God she said, hey, I want
25:51
you to I want you to get to know me, and I want to
25:53
get to know you. And she said, not only that I want you
25:56
to teach me who I am. So she did that. I won't say
26:00
the traditional way, but like the biblical way, reading the Bible stuff like
26:04
that. She might have some more adds to that, but that's the picture
26:07
she painted with me so far. But even I was like, oh,
26:11
I'm supposed to Like I get in my mind where it's like, oh,
26:12
I'm supposed to do it this way. I'm supposed to read the Word and
26:18
get to know God like this. But then that's us boxing God in to
26:22
where we believe in, Like we can only get to know him if we
26:27
don't miss up. We can only get to know him if we're physically in
26:33
the church every day, Like we only get to know him now, I'm
26:37
not negating the word. This is not negating word. We need the Word
26:40
of God, right, we didn't quote it scriptures. We need scriptures.
26:44
Right. Even in that watch this, I didn't have anything planned up for
26:48
my family because today we are the days that we pray. But I don't
26:55
have anything prepared for my family. And then my sister brought something up about
26:59
the transition word, and I brought up Isaiah forty three, and I read
27:04
this scripture and God is just downloaded. I mean, I already got stuff
27:07
highlighted in Isaiah forty three. But and if you have a chance to read
27:11
that, go read there. It's only like twenty eight verses or something like
27:15
that. But I'm sitting here highlighted. And now that's gonna be my study
27:18
for the next thirty days because each because even if y'all okay, I'm not
27:25
gonna read all of this, but if even after our private time, he
27:30
still brought me to his word. So now I have a different idea of
27:36
me spending time with myself. Now it's like God, are spending time with
27:40
God. Now I'm talking to God and like, okay, this you want.
27:42
You actually want my nails to be done, You actually want my toes
27:47
to be done. You actually want me to cook, like you know what
27:49
I'm saying. You want me to do these things. And it's amazing because
27:52
you. I mean, in my little practical mind, I don't think God
27:56
think about that. I don't think he cares enough cares about the details of
28:03
if I got nails on, or if I put my makeup on, or
28:06
if I do this. But you know what he does care about. He
28:08
cares. I know he cares about my self esteem, but how do we
28:11
get cares about how you feel? How I feel? In that moment,
28:15
I was not feeling good about me. I didn't even really know that I
28:19
wasn't feeling good about me, but I wasn't. And then I was like,
28:22
oh, I put my nails. I was like, okay, I
28:25
did. And I sent my team member a picture and she was like,
28:27
oh my guys, women and God, I can't believe you actually did it.
28:32
I was like, I can't believe it either, because that was not
28:34
my plan. My plan was not to go home and get my nails,
28:37
do my nails. My plan was not even to do anything for myself.
28:41
My plan was just to sit on a couch and I got I would probably
28:45
end up watching basketball or whatever, which I got to watch basketball. I
28:48
haven't been able to do that in a minute. I forgot I even enjoyed
28:51
watching NBA basketball, but just being able to have a practical moment with God.
28:59
And it blew my mind because I was like, God is kind of
29:02
I ain't never heard nobody saying they didn't done this type of stuff with you
29:04
like you wanted me to, you know, because if I would have been
29:08
to the Nelson lun You know that would have benefited me. Oh, I'm
29:12
about to shout. If I would have went to the Neltalon, that would
29:15
have been infitted me. But because I went into the space where I dedicated
29:21
time for God, dedicate time to God, I dedicate the work of the
29:25
Lord. I only go in that space really nine times out of ten to
29:27
pray, to go live or whatever. Everything is centered around the kingdom.
29:33
I would have been distracted on what God was trying to do. I would
29:37
have thought like, oh, I made enough money to get my nails done.
29:40
I made enough money to afford to be able to do this. I
29:44
made enough money to buy myself something to eat. God, y'all, I'm
29:47
about to I'm about to flip this table because this revelation is so it's so
29:52
fresh right now. I made enough money to do the things that I could
29:56
do for me, for yourself. But God is saying, what about me?
30:00
What about how do I? I am? I added in the conversation,
30:04
how am? I added? What room do you have for me?
30:07
And so I'll just be I guess I'll be transparency as we're going there.
30:11
You know what I'm saying. I'm saying that I can't afford it, because
30:15
probably three four months ago this went my language. Three four months ago,
30:18
this was not my language of what I could have could not afford, but
30:22
my language there now because this is the season that I'm in, I'm readjusting
30:26
some things, I'm realigning some things. A lot of stuff was my fault.
30:30
I'll be the woman enough to say that, However, I know the
30:36
covering of God the way I've been covered. I knew that if you weren't
30:40
trying to teach you no lesson, I would have still had that level of
30:42
covering. But I think there is some revealing in that, especially with my
30:48
finances that now because my financial I only say issues, but opportunities. Now
30:55
I'm not necessarily I'm using this opportunity to get close to God. Because it
30:57
was not like I'm not tied in. It's not that like I'm not a
31:00
giver. It's not like that. But as far as stewardship, bam Wet
31:03
already talked about that. But now it's like now money and time coexists.
31:11
Now it's a partnership. Like it's like, okay, because you don't have
31:14
the money, now you have to have the time. Y'all. Wow,
31:17
Because you don't have the money, now you have to have the time.
31:21
And now that I have the time, now I have to have to invest
31:23
the time into doing stuff. Invest the time into really understanding what God wants
31:29
in this season. Invest the time. Because God says, your money is
31:32
cute, Jessica, It's real cute. It was like, I'm having this
31:36
whole revelation right now. It is real cute to have the money. And
31:40
the thing is, I ain't no millionaire yet, you know what I'm saying.
31:42
I'm not sitting on one hundred thous while on the bank account. That's
31:47
not where I am. But I'm living a life that I don't even think
31:52
my parents thought that they could live at my age and I'm thirty one,
31:56
about to be thirty two. Make sure you put January twenty on your campany
32:00
lock it in, listen, locking in? Lock it in, like we
32:01
gotta do something special that we But I'm having this revelation of this is not
32:07
about the money. This is not even about the nails. It's about the
32:10
time. And so now I did my nails, but I deal them with
32:14
God, and he was saying, oh, you, your nails look cute.
32:16
Because I did it with God's beautiful. My greens came out good because
32:21
I did it with God and beautiful. This is like we try to make
32:24
these things and you might think I'm crazy for this or whatever, until God
32:29
tell you to do something and you realize that, like, Wow, I
32:31
went fishing with God. I read a book with God, Like what can
32:37
we do with God? That's why it's in a word somewhere it says like
32:40
basically, staying encourages us to stay in His presence? How do we stay
32:45
in his presence? We do stuff with God? I don't. I go
32:50
to work with God. El So now it's making me me understand the importance
32:55
of the details of our lives, Like, yeah, I'm flexing right now
33:00
now, and God is allowing me to flix because he nails do good out
33:05
my face a little beat today, But I flexed with God, y'all.
33:09
I'm telling you what I what I'm doing. What God is sidering himself around
33:15
me and saying like even in and now, whatever you do, do it
33:17
with me. And it puts us in a position, Oh, I'm about
33:21
to flip a table. It puts us in a position desiree to say that
33:25
if I can't do this with God, I might not need to do it.
33:30
If this is something I cannot do with God. If I can't marry
33:34
this man with God, if I can't make this investment with God, if
33:37
I can't buy this car with God. Why am I doing it? Y'all?
33:43
I'm in my preacher tones. I'm trying to come in. Y'all know
33:45
I preach, preach and everything else. Okay, I pre I'm a little
33:52
preacher. But now I'm having this revelation of why. It's why it was
33:57
even important for him to say, hey, go do your nails. Because
34:01
I was like, okay, whatever, I don't understand why he gave me
34:05
it said. The Word of God says he will give you the desires of
34:07
your heart. I literally, I literally believe that God plants his desires in
34:12
your heart and sees what you're gonna do with him. And so his desire
34:15
for me last night was to do my nails. I did my nails.
34:19
And now I have a relationship revelation that God really wants to spend time with
34:22
me no matter what I'm doing, he wants me to do whatever I'm doing
34:25
with him. Yeah, that's so good, that's so good. That's kind
34:30
of what I'm learning in this season too. Well, the top of the
34:34
year, I can say that I'm very grateful to be to have built my
34:39
business, my salon where it was, but I can't say that I invited
34:45
God into that like it was like a I was a survivor mode. I
34:50
know I needed to pay these bills, so I just boom and then the
34:52
business was built. And I'm grateful that he graced me with that. But
34:57
now I'm in the season at the top of the year where I'm really having
34:59
to learn to trust him and to abide in him and to know that he
35:04
is my provider, right. And so now as we talk about doing things
35:07
with God, now I'm like, okay, Lord, so thank you for
35:10
the business and here you go, you can have back. So what we're
35:13
doing today, like am I doing hair today? Do I need to open
35:17
my books all the way up? So now I met at the top of
35:21
the year, I wasn't really taking hair clients, right, and so around
35:25
May I heard him say June July and August I said, okay, cool,
35:30
So I opened up a couple of days because also I knew that there
35:34
I heard him say, there were assignments attached to it, whatever that may
35:36
look like. It was some clients I hadn't seen and over a year and
35:38
something like that, and so just to see him coming in, they were
35:40
excited. You know. I got to talk to him and they got to
35:44
pour out, and I poured in that kind of thing. So now they're
35:46
like, oh, so what's next You're gonna look like? And I'm literally
35:50
like, I don't know, because I'm like, Lord, what does what
35:52
does twenty twenty four look like? Does that look like, you know,
35:57
A day of hair, two days of hair? Does that look like?
35:59
You know? I feel I really feel like I'm gonna be traveling and moving
36:02
more. That's kind of the sense that I've been getting. I don't know,
36:07
but I'm literally learning to do everything with God asking him, because at
36:12
the end of the day, he got the plan. I don't got the
36:15
plan. So if I'm not spending time with him, if we're not spending
36:17
time with him, if we're not you know, inviting him into our spaces,
36:23
then we are trying to do things in our own strengthen our own court,
36:27
and it get exhausting, man, it get exhausting. I'm like,
36:30
Lord, clearly you gave me this, So if I'm going to trust you
36:34
in that, then I'm gonna have to believe that you have to plan for
36:37
it. So let me see what you and get the plan for it.
36:39
So I don't got to be stressing out, not saying everything, not saying
36:43
things won't happen. But things in God comes with such an ease. And
36:46
I had somebody rent the studio the other day. Or was a couple,
36:50
and they've actually rented the studio for like some of their marriage small groups and
36:52
stuff, but this day they rented it for photography. And so after everybody
36:55
had left, we were just talking about some of the things that we knew
36:59
God was telling us to do that we've been sitting on. And when they
37:01
left, I felt so strong in my spirit, like we have to get
37:07
in the will of God, especially in this season. We have to stay
37:10
in the will of God, because in God's will there's the protection, there's
37:15
the covering, there's the the provision, there's the peace. As long as
37:20
we're out here trying to do our own thing. He's not obligated, girl,
37:24
He's not. He's not obligated to do nothing, not obligating, not
37:29
where he is that's not where he at. As long as we stay up
37:30
under here, though, as long as we stay in his wheel, as
37:35
crazy as it may look, he can, we can stay in his protection.
37:38
I was thinking about and then I started seeing like the wing like one
37:42
about being under the whatever. Okay, I'm not the Bible scardless, I
37:45
don't know I saw wings. You know. Anyway, Google might know more
37:52
than me getting God's will and stay there. She just just right to ask
37:58
me. I don told y'all learning, I'm still learning a woman. God
38:01
just asked me, just really asked me. Did you really just ad it?
38:07
I was just, you know, go bye, get it his will
38:14
because why piece, his piece, his presence and his protection is there.
38:17
You point out the camera. I think thinking on stay God's will because the
38:23
peace, his presence, and his protection is there, and you're going to
38:28
need it in this season. I don't know what's coming, but we gonna
38:31
need God's protection, y'all. So I do want to read this part of
38:37
Isaiah forty three. This is a This is the part about the transition,
38:42
and so I want you to go read Isaiah forty three. I'm reading out
38:49
of the NLT version, y'all know, That's about the only version I read
38:51
out of in this season until it's something else. Y'all know that's only version.
38:55
Okay. So basically, the Lord is talking to Israel and he's going
39:04
going down starting at starting at fourteen, he goes down this list of what
39:07
he's done, how he's what it says, for your sakes, I will
39:15
send an army against Just go just go ahead and read it. So I'm
39:17
just gonna start at fourteen, But what I want us to focus on is
39:21
eighteen and nineteen, just so you can get why eighteen and nineteen goes the
39:24
way it goes, and it Readson, this is what the Lord says,
39:28
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, for your sakes, I will
39:30
send an army against Babylon, Babylon, forcing the Babylonians to flee in those
39:38
ships they are so proud of. I am the Lord, your Holy One,
39:44
Israel's creator and King. I am the Lord who opened away through the
39:50
waters, making a dry path through the sea. I called forth the mighty
39:55
Army of Egypt, with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath
40:00
the ways, and they drown, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick.
40:07
These are the two nixt two scriptures are focused word right, But forget
40:09
all that. It's nothing compared to what I am going to do for I
40:16
am about to do something new. See I've already begun. Do you not
40:22
see it. I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create
40:27
rivers in a dryway slam. So basically what the Lord is saying, he
40:30
says, I've already done great things for you. Oh my Lord, don't
40:35
talk. She talks. The Bible app you can press play if you don't
40:37
want to ring. But but basically, what the Lord is saying here is
40:42
saying I've done even if you go through your own life. Let's talk about
40:45
Jessica. Jessica. I've allowed you to raise you know, put you on
40:50
a platform to raise ten thousand dollars for the Love Lady Center. Jessica.
40:53
I've allowed you to even get on global platforms and pray, praying in the
40:58
seed for people. Jessica. I've allowed you to start this podcast. Jessica.
41:01
I've allowed you to be a part of great go to Ireland and do
41:06
with these great things. Just I've allowed you to be a part of these
41:09
lunches, in the in the in the kingdom. I've allowed you to do
41:13
these great things, Justa. I allowed you to graduate from the University of
41:15
Alabama and with the scholarship that you did not enter those doors with, Jessica.
41:21
I've allowed you to be the best Jessica. I've allowed you to be
41:23
the best darter. Justica. I've allowed you. I've brought you out,
41:27
I've shown you miracle signings and wonders. Justica, I've allowed you. But
41:32
nothing, none of that is compared to what I'm about to do. Nothing
41:37
is compared. Nothing that I've done already, that you've seen already is not.
41:42
Oh thank you Holy Spirit. There's nothing that I've done that compares to
41:47
what you're about to see. It's a setup that was a build up,
41:52
that was a setup for what you're about to see, he said. And
41:54
then when he when he says, Hey, do you not see it?
41:59
You have to watch watch this woman of God. You said it in what
42:01
you say said basically, if we're not in the will of God, we
42:06
won't see us. If we're not where God is, if we're not spending
42:09
time with God, and we're not with God as we spoke about we will
42:13
miss what we're supposed to perceive. Perception is reality, it is. That's
42:17
why faith, faith is so important, because if I'm still perceiving on the
42:22
level that I'm perceiving, I can never make that my reality. So God
42:27
is even saying it's a scripture of not a reference, but in a version,
42:35
thank you, old experience. It is a version that says, do
42:37
you not perceive it? And then if your perception is off versus what God
42:43
is saying. If God is saying one thing and you're perceiving another thing,
42:45
you're wrong. You're wrong. Not God. God is, God is,
42:51
He knows you're in it. He knows your in, your beginning and your
42:54
end. He knows my beginning and my end. He knows your beginning and
42:59
your end. And so if we're setting ourselves up to be kingdom builders,
43:02
kingdom followers, kingdom people, and and and a kingdom residency, a resident
43:07
residence, kingdom residents, and we're not in the will of God, we
43:17
will never perceive the will of God. When you're not in the will of
43:22
God, you will never perceive the will of God. If you're not in
43:24
the will of God, you can't see what's coming you can't get I would
43:29
have if I was, if I would have paid attention and acted right.
43:31
Last last year, I've been talking to you about my finances on and off
43:35
for about at least a year. We've been friends, like solid friends at
43:40
least of the year. And I know I've been talking to Mom. Of
43:43
God, I'm telling y'all who else I talked to. I talked to Greg.
43:45
Greg helped me get my credit right and everything like that. But if
43:49
I would have been diligent, I don't want discipline. That's the word I'm
43:52
looking at, looking forward, discipline enough to just say, Okay, I'm
43:55
gonna stick to this, and this just wasn't was a one off thing,
44:00
because that's king that's that's a kingdom mindset that, oh, this one is
44:02
the one off thing. Oh, he just won't trying to get me out
44:05
of something. Oh I just heard the Lord say this. Okay, so
44:08
watch this, and I'm gonna stop apologizing for saying my little phrases I say,
44:14
y'all gonna get just get with the program. So I just heard this.
44:19
I just heard this. So the reason why we get back into certain
44:24
things because we're in survival mode versus overcome a mode. My friend Tanya just
44:30
talked about this in the Mystic Violence Realm, and I just told her before
44:36
I got here today. I was like, hey, God has really been
44:38
revealing something to me that I still, like, still affected in a relationship
44:44
that I ended about seven years ago. I ended this about seven years ago.
44:47
She said, you know why, because you're you were still you.
44:51
You never learned how to how to process and get out of that the habits
44:55
of what you learned in that relationship. So I left. So I've survived,
45:01
but I never overcome because I didn't learn new habits. I never engulfed
45:06
new habits. And so now I'm in a space where I'm like, Okay,
45:08
Lord, all right, why is this still coming up? This don't
45:15
make sense to me. I was supposed to be free, right I left.
45:16
I'm not with him no more. But the habits are. I didn't
45:21
break the habits. I didn't come out of agreement with what was embedded in
45:25
me. I didn't forgiven all that. See, I'm telling y'all, it's
45:30
a process. And I'm seeing here thinking I'm crazy, like what is wrong
45:34
with me? Like? What is wrong with me? So my perception couldn't
45:37
change because I was still in my mind and in my heart living in something
45:43
that I've been out of seven years. Wow, tell o, somebody.
45:47
So I can't perceive because I'm still in the will from seven years ago versus
45:53
being in his will. Because in my mind, I deserved everything that came
45:57
to me. I'm gonna keep it one. I deserve everything that came to
46:04
me. I deserve. I deserve that be down, I deserve this lack
46:07
of money. I deserve not to be around these people. So I'm subconscious,
46:10
I'm sebitized and stuff that I don't even write. I'm like, and
46:15
I'm thinking, oh, nobody, no no, no, no, no,
46:16
no, no woman, god, no, no, no, no,
46:19
You're not perceiving. You're not. Your perception is off. Your perception
46:24
is off. And so I'm like, okay, bit, all right,
46:28
all right, God, you got me. You know what I'm saying.
46:30
And that's why sometimes I found myself in spaces to where it's important for me
46:37
to understand the other person's perception because it is their reality. So I need
46:40
to see where you are so I can know where to communicate, y'all.
46:44
This is free and me so good. I need to know where you are
46:47
so I can probably communicate. This is why God says, do you not
46:50
perceive it? Well, let me tell you what it is. Because when
46:52
you go, when you go further down, when you go further down,
46:57
you learn he knows about the sins, he knows about the way and this.
47:00
He was like, you've gotten You've gotten to this place where you know
47:04
you won't even sacrifice, you won't even commune with me. But guess what,
47:07
My blood will blot out your sin. That's what that. If I
47:10
read the whole scripture, I'll be, y'all be, this will be won't
47:15
be no podcast this church so okay, but I'm saying I'm having all this
47:19
fresh revelation now. That's why I love the podcast and this and this opportunity
47:24
where Desiree and I get talked to y'all like, it's what this all came
47:32
from doing doing my nails with God. I think that's what I'm gonna put
47:37
on the YouTube thing, doing my nails with the Lord. They're gonna be
47:42
like, what this all came out? So men of God, cutting your
47:46
cutting the grass with God. You gotta read no book like we may it.
47:52
I don't even like reading the Lord. Know that the Lord know that
47:53
that's why he made voice recording, a voice of memos or whatever. You
47:58
I don't I don't like. It's not all like reading all like, I
48:00
don't like a lot of stuff. And people be like, you know,
48:04
this ain't against you, this I got nothing to do with you. I've
48:06
been like this for a long time. Okay, a long time. Okay,
48:08
it's not you, it's definitely me. And so I just think that
48:13
we can't think, yes, God is big, yeah, but he doesn't
48:16
want us to position himself so big that we can't make him a part of
48:21
our detail. Even if you think about, like switch the thing I forgot,
48:25
thank you, thank you. Even if you think about spending time with
48:30
your parents, you know, like no, no, no, no,
48:37
no, I'm say I'm gonna say even my grandmother, I probably spent more
48:40
like quality time with my grandmother. Most of the time in the kitchen,
48:45
right. She took time, you know what I'm saying. She took time
48:47
to show me, She took time to just and sometimes like she was just
48:52
in her in her in her flow of you know, because I actually when
48:55
I went home, I had her to record. I recorded her giving me
48:59
her dres situation, because she just naturally know, so it made she is.
49:04
There's just things that she knew that she was just flowing. I would
49:06
just I was just standing there and just watch her, right, kind of
49:07
like you watched your grandmother click the macaroni cheese. Right. But it's just
49:12
the time. It's like if if, if he's our father, why wouldn't
49:15
he care about those things? Listen, why wouldn't he want to spend you
49:19
know, quality time with us in our normal regular lives outside of us being
49:24
on our knees and our face praying. But you just said something, Why
49:28
wouldn't he want to spend time with us? And that and that how you
49:37
view God in that is how you treat people. I'm guilty of that.
49:43
And so now I'm in even right now I'm thinking about, Okay, why
49:47
why they feel like this? Or why this person feel like this? Or
49:51
they'll say that I'm not forthcoming when I ain't forthcoming with the Lord. I
49:57
don't bring the Lord my problem, not like that, not the not like
50:01
that. No, I don't. I'm being transparent. Yeah, like we
50:07
can, we can judge or not judge what. I don't bring out my
50:10
problems. I try to fix them that's that's facts. That was me.
50:15
I've been literally in this because I'm not I've been muted for a long time,
50:21
so I'm trying to get into the habit of just speaking things out loud
50:24
to him, so and he and it's been so interesting. I don't I
50:29
didn't. I don't even though if this still is called. But what's been
50:31
happening is like I could even think of he could drop somebody in my spirit.
50:35
It's literally been having very often here He'll drop somebody in my spirit,
50:37
and I'd be like, oh, oh, yeah, I need to do
50:39
such and such, And I kid you not, at some point in time
50:43
that day, they're gonna I'm gonna hear from them. Right. Happened twice
50:47
this week. I was I was in Start. I was going to get
50:51
a medicine ball from Starbucks, and I saw a car trying to come out
50:54
of the parking lot and so I stopped because the line, you know,
50:58
the line was long. So I stopped give this person room. But as
51:00
a person was backing out, I realized it was an old client, Right,
51:04
I was like, what's she doing on this side of town? I
51:06
didn't say, I mean, I didn't try to wave at her or nothing.
51:07
She didn't even recognize who I was, right, So that was that
51:12
morning. That afternoon she text me and was asking me about doing little girl
51:15
a little girl's hair. And I hadn't I hadn't heard from her, right,
51:20
but I saw her. I was like, Oh, I wonder how
51:21
she do da da da? She text me Right the next day, I'm
51:23
getting a logo made, Jazz is doing. I'm getting I'm redoing my Desert
51:29
Danny a logo. Right, So I was gonna be fine. I was
51:31
leaving, she is fine. I was leaving to go to Walmart. I
51:34
looked up. I said, oh, maybe I should send her a picture
51:37
of this sign, just so she can see the current one that I had.
51:39
Right, So, I'm in Walmart going to get a planner. She
51:43
text me and say, hey, I just passed by the studio on saw
51:45
your logo. Oh wow. Right, I'm like, oh man, lord.
51:50
So it's like he's just kind of showing me, like, hey,
51:52
I even care about the thoughts that you were thinking. Oo, Like you
51:57
ain't even gotta say it, Like I hear your thoughts and I'm gonna make
52:01
it. I'm gonna make it happen. And that just comes from literally being
52:06
intentional with time and that and and that's not me necessarily, Like at a
52:09
certain time in the morning, I do try to you know, I do
52:13
try to pray in the morning and spend time with him in the morning.
52:15
But literally, all throughout my day I'm either praying in the spirit all throughout
52:17
the day. I'm like, dang, Lord, you know I wanted to.
52:20
I'm literally learning to just talk to him like on a regular basis because
52:24
he does care about everything. He wants to spend time with us and everything
52:30
that we do and everything that we do all throughout the day. I just
52:35
take take the law with you everywhere you go. Was was that one of
52:39
the no I'm a so I'm from the country, so I love Cameron is
52:45
still not all you want to go? It's okay, I'm gonna get I'm
52:50
gonna get together. I'm from the country, so I love a good Cortex
52:53
song. So that your dog get us because I got quote to you.
52:58
God is still you, my baby. Listen my daddy new gospel. You
53:07
believe the spirit, your daddy, we can get down with. We can
53:12
get down. When to get down my dad to get on their base,
53:14
Come on, geek talk and show up. You're right, all right?
53:19
What you just said, Oh my God, is so powerful, because even
53:22
in I think it's what is in Matthew eleven, if I'm not mistaken,
53:25
where he says, I dress the lilies, I feed the birds? How
53:34
much more? How much more? How much more do I would I give
53:40
to you? How much more do I love you? How much more?
53:43
Interest? And it's so it's one thing to read that, but it's another
53:49
thing to believe. To believe it, it's another thing to believe it.
53:53
And so I think this has been good. He just bless my hold,
54:00
he said, I'm leaping the inside. Like I remember hearing this lady.
54:05
I remember, thank you, listen you. We got new text, so
54:15
you know I'm still learning the text. You know, I ain't used I
54:16
ain't used to this. I'm used to being in the backside. You know
54:20
what I'm saying. Oh, y'all just bad with me. I'm getting you
54:22
know, I'm working on it. We're gonna have somebody that end up doing
54:23
that. We're gonna happen. Come on, person. Then I remember hearing
54:30
this lady talk about I think she called him daddy, daddy daughter dates,
54:36
which is she would, you know, planning to go, you know,
54:39
to the movies, or playing to go just to dinner, or planning to
54:42
go to the park. But it was her and the Lord that was that
54:45
was her daddy daughter time. So it's kind of the same, and I
54:47
think it's just so beautiful. And this was in her single season too,
54:52
you know what I'm saying. She was just being more intentional about spending time
54:55
with God and everything, you know what I'm saying, and allowing him to
55:00
love on her. I mean, that's the thing for me is because for
55:06
a long time I saw Him as the natural like natural people. That's my
55:10
natural father, right, That's how I saw God, and so it was
55:14
hard for me to receive or even to believe even that little thing that He
55:17
cares that much about me when sometimes I don't feel like myne I'm not gonna
55:22
say that, but anyway, spending time with God intentionally in everything and everything
55:30
and everything and knowing that because even after this conversation, i'mna keep real with
55:35
y'all, I might have a moment whatever, I'm like, God, you
55:37
really that matters to you because and I'm I'm gonna be transparent. We're gonna
55:43
get off here because I'm this conversation, this conversation that really real. I
55:49
fight with the idea that I matter. So my response to certain things,
55:57
or my lack of response, Yeah, ends up hurting people because I haven't
56:02
come to the full realizations that I really matter. Because I'm a doer.
56:07
I'm just I'm just here to do. I'm just here to move a chair.
56:10
I'm just here to you know, read a scripture. I'm just here
56:15
to do whatever I'm supposed to be doing because if I don't do it,
56:19
I'm gonna die. I know that. It's certain things I know, and
56:24
I don't say that where as far as like suicide or anything, I'm not
56:28
saying that like that. What I'm saying is I know what I'm doing is
56:32
attached to my purpose. It just don't make sense to me right now.
56:37
However, I don't know. I still struggle with the idea of mattering without
56:44
doing. Now we're gonna sit in there. We just look put a pin
56:51
in it. That's probably another episode, but we're not gonna We're not gonna
56:55
get into that. But yeah, this has been real good. You guys,
57:00
y'all talk to us in the comments, man to let us know if
57:02
it's resonated with you. Let us know if you're feeling it. Let us
57:06
know if you're tied or desert raid, switching the boys, let me know.
57:12
She did a good job. Y'all listen, Thank you grace, y'all,
57:15
because we're still learning. Were learning. We are learning like and so
57:19
the people that are engaged now when y'all, when y'all see the did by
57:23
this time next year. Man, I'm believing God for some things for this
57:29
podcast for next year, and it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen because it
57:36
got to because this is not our thing. It's a God and so we
57:42
love you guys. Y'all have an awesome week until next Thursday. Life could
57:46
be much more simple if you just ask. See you later. Hey,
57:54
y'all, thank you for listening to just ask. If you enjoyed this experience,
58:00
be sure to like coming and rate so others can find the show.
58:04
If you'd like to stay connected with me, feel free to follow me at
58:07
the Jessica Smith on all platforms. Again, I'm your girl, jess Until
58:14
next time,