Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.64 | Why “Finding Your Purpose” is Total BS, with Shay & Mariah

Transcript

Ep.64 | Why “Finding Your Purpose” is Total BS, with Shay & Mariah · Curiously Guided Podcast

0:07
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Curiously Guided Podcast, the show for intentional business owners and curious minds looking to combine the inner work and outer work to create a life, business, and career that feels deeply fulfilling and wildly aligned on all levels.
0:20
SPEAKER_01: We're your hosts.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm Shay.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: And I'm Mariah.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: We're two business strategists passionate about rewriting the rules to success in a way that combines both strategy and energetics.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: So this podcast started with both of us being in the online business world, craving more deep, meaningful, and transparent conversations.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: So we decided to come together and create a space to do just that.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Our guest interviews highlight cool humans doing cool shit, chasing their dreams, and going down their own rabbit holes to create a more sustainable and fulfilling life in whatever way that means for them.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: We see this podcast as everything that people won't share on social media.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: We don't give a fuck about highlight reels or proven frameworks.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: We love getting in the weeds, asking the tough questions, and doing the work to create a life and career we love, all while committing to ourselves and our personal growth.
1:17
SPEAKER_01: Because only through that lens can we truly create a lifestyle that feels good from the inside out.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Curiously Guided Podcast.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to trust the nudge and let curiosity guide the way?
1:30
SPEAKER_00: Because we're excited to shake shit up and live outside the box with you.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Curiously Guided Podcast, my friends.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: If this is your very first episode, welcome.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: We're excited to have you here.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: If you are a longtime listener, new time listener, what's up?
1:49
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back.
1:49
SPEAKER_00: We love you.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: We appreciate you.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: So today's conversation, me and Shay plan this out.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, we had the idea maybe like a week or two ago.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: It kind of came through naturally just in one of our conversations.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: We're so excited to kind of untangle and unwrap this idea and kind of take a look at it through different perspectives.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: At first, we thought that like maybe we don't have a lot to say about this.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: And then as the conversation started going, I'm like taking notes in our document like a mad woman.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: And I'm literally just like, actually, we do have a lot to say.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of how like a lot of our solo episodes come through is just like conversations that we have with each other.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: And it's just like, you know what?
2:30
SPEAKER_00: We really want to share this with you guys.
2:31
SPEAKER_00: So we hope that you enjoy this episode.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Before we dive into the conversation, I just wanted to let you know about something cool that I'm going to be hosting.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: So this episode is coming out in October 2023.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to it live or around that time, definitely check the show notes because I'm going to be hosting a networking event for established business owners.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: It's going to be really fucking cool, if I may say so myself.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: So it's funny, like in the past few months, I've really been spending a lot of time exploring different networking groups and just like building my own network, connecting with people, collaborations, all of that stuff.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: And some of the networking groups are really fun, but some of them feel wildly transactional.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: And then it feels really forced and it feels a little icky.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, listen, I think that these people are great, but it's it just didn't really feel like my vibe.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: And so then I was having a conversation with Shay about it.
3:26
SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, you know what?
3:27
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I want to host my own and I want to do it in a way that feels true to me.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: And honestly, it's really aligned with this podcast, like the way that I see the networking group going, of like combining the inner work with the outer work.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: And so I have this really cool idea of like everybody bringing their journal and a pen.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: And like before we dive deep into the actual networking, I just want everybody to take a second and just journal down and like brain dump and reflect and really get into the moment and then get clear on like what kind of support you need and like how you're willing to support somebody else.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like a lot of the times with networking calls, we're just coming in from so many different things.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: We've either got off of another call with a client, we just ate lunch, we're like coming in the door trying to rush, rush, rush.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: And so we don't really have that time to self-reflect before we start networking.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of how I see this being planned out.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: So if that is interesting to you, definitely sign up for I don't know if it's gonna be a wait list.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what the page is gonna look like at this point.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: I haven't created it at the time of this recording, but definitely check the show notes and get on a list for that networking event.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be happening in October.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: So after all of that, I think that leads very nicely into our conversation of just like finding your purpose.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: It's a conversation that I feel like we've had numerous times behind the scenes.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: And like it's such a loaded phrase.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: It feels very heavy, even though like I don't think that it's meant to feel very heavy.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: So, like, Shay, how do you how do you want to kick this one off?
5:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, I do I think that the idea of purpose is something that we kind of hit on even in all of our podcast episodes as well.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: You know, we talk a lot about zone of genius and like finding what lights you up, you know, and as you and I were kind of reflecting, honestly, about the podcast, we talked a lot about how we've fallen like a bit into more clarity about what the podcast is and what the brand is.
5:25
SPEAKER_01: And one of the words that we were often trying to use to describe the podcast is people finding purpose in their work.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: So, and we kept, I don't want to use purpose, purpose sounds so lame.
5:36
SPEAKER_01: I even have like one of the most popular best-selling books ever is that Christian book, Purpose Driven Life.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: And so, like that idea comes up, and I feel like a lot of people hear the word purpose and it's just kind of like loaded, you know, because like I didn't want to be associated with that kind of purpose and like mission has a lot of loadedness to it.
5:53
SPEAKER_01: And I think, you know, as you and I were reflecting on this episode, um, I don't think purpose is bad.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: I if you watch that new, I think it's on Netflix, that Blue Zones documentary, they talk about, you know, they've identified all of these pockets of the world where people live to be over 100 the most often.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: And having purpose is one of the core tenants they found that goes into having a long life.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: And I was, I was reflecting on like the people that I have met in my life who I would say have purpose.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, I had I met this really cool woman in Taiwan that always stands out to me.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: She moved over to Taipei in the 1950s and she started, she wanted to start an English radio to teach people English.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: And she was um over a hundred years old and still the CEO of this radio business and like fiery, energetic, was just like it blew my mind when I learned her age.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, that human.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: The people that I've met in life that are like living the longest and thriving in their old age all have that sense of purpose.
6:55
SPEAKER_01: So that being said, I think purpose is awesome.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: I think it's important, I think it keeps us alive.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: The flip side that you and I have been wrestling with is what do you do when you don't know your purpose?
7:07
SPEAKER_01: It feels so big.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: It feels so big that it's overwhelming.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: And it's it's like this.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: I think in our the way we talk about purpose, we put it up on this pedestal of like it's this magic destination that you find and you land at, and and that's it forever.
7:23
SPEAKER_01: And so I think A, half of us are like looking around, like, where is this purpose?
7:29
SPEAKER_01: And like, when is it gonna show up for me?
7:31
SPEAKER_01: And and that can lead to a lot of like shame and discouragement in what you're doing on the day-to-day basis because you think there's this magical purpose that's missed that you're missing and you can't find.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: And it's frustrating to see other people who say they have it, right?
7:45
SPEAKER_01: And then the other side of this is you and I maybe who felt like we had found our purpose.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: So we had a general idea of what purpose was.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: And then when you chase that for a while and things start to shift, it can feel really scary because you're like, wait, I thought my purpose was this, but that's not really lighting me up anymore.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: So um I think as we've kind of been reflecting on like, what is purpose and how can we use it to empower us instead of hold us back?
8:10
SPEAKER_01: The the takeaway keeps coming back to um purpose isn't just this one thing.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: It's not just this magical, like, I'm gonna have this thing that literally every day I wake up and I'm inspired, I'm on fire, and I want to fucking do it.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it will be that.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: But the people that we've talked to, that doesn't seem the case.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: The case is actually how are they finding purpose in literally every moment, in literally everything they're doing.
8:35
SPEAKER_01: You know, what what fuels them, what drives them, and how do they bring that up in their day-to-day lives?
8:42
SPEAKER_01: And I think the thing to know about purpose is it can shift, it can evolve, it can be multiple things, you know, like it doesn't just have to be this one magic, I'm gonna save the world idea.
8:54
SPEAKER_01: And I think purpose can also be kind of silly, you know, like think about a leaf, right?
8:59
SPEAKER_01: A leaf has purpose.
9:00
SPEAKER_01: Everything in this world has purpose.
9:02
SPEAKER_01: Doesn't have to be this, I think I definitely had, you know, like if I'm not saving the world with my like every waking moment that I'm not living in my purpose, I don't necessarily think that's what it is either.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: You know, I think it's, you know, kind of getting back to our idea of spirituality.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: Purpose is really us showing up in our authenticity, you know, like expressing ourselves, being unmasked, showing ourselves to the world and being that puzzle piece that we were put here to be, right?
9:29
SPEAKER_01: And that can look like a lot of different things throughout your whole life.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: But the problem is some people get too hung up on one idea of purpose and they can really get derailed by it.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: And you know, Mary, actually, I wanted to like kind of ping this back on you.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: You have been kind of like sifting me too, you know, we've been sifting through this journey of like we've reached a certain level of success.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: We had, we you know, we had an idea that we were building, and then now you get to this point where you're like, what's next?
9:55
SPEAKER_01: And it can feel like your purpose is shifting, and and that can be kind of scary, right?
9:59
SPEAKER_01: So I know you're kind of like going through this with the networking.
10:01
SPEAKER_01: That's you trying something new.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: So take me through a little bit about like what this has looked like on your end.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: And for me and my journey, I guess what it keeps coming back to is like we're taught or we're shown or we think that purpose is something tangible.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: Like it's my purpose to be a lawyer.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: It is my purpose to that help recycle.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: It's my purpose to be a mother.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: And like that very well could be tied to it, but I don't think that it's that tangible.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm starting to see through my own life and my own journey and my own career that it's more of an energy.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: It's more of something, it's it's like your aura.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: And I know that that can feel a little floaty, but it's just like the energy, like who you be, like that is your purpose.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's why it comes back to authenticity, which we talked about in the last season.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: That's where it comes back to like finding your genius, where we talked about in the last season too.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: And I think that all of these things are so connected, but as we're growing up, it's also like society makes us think that it's also connected to an age.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: Like I remember being in high school and being like, Well, I'm gonna find my purpose when I'm 18 and when I start a career or when I like college is gonna help me find my purpose.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: Like, l-o fucking L, dude.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: Like college made me figure out exactly what I didn't want to do.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, oh, well, if I'm 25 and I don't have my purpose, like what the fuck?
11:31
SPEAKER_00: And then you keep going, and now both of us are in our 30s, and we're just like, well, we don't have our purpose written on a post-it note sitting on our computer screen.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: So, like, what are we missing?
11:42
SPEAKER_00: And then you get that sense of shame and failure.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: And so I think being a little bit more flexible and like redefining what purpose means, because it's not about finding your purpose.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: I think it's about like coming back to who you are and like taking off the masks and just deeply, deeply, deeply becoming more ingrained of who you are.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: And so, like, for me in the online business space, it's easy for me and I think entrepreneurs in general to like have our purpose be so connected to our career.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, obviously, our purpose is like, how I'm making money in this world and all of that.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: And then that also adds a huge pressure because then it's like, okay, well, what if you're in business and you're not making money?
12:28
SPEAKER_00: And then so you're like, fuck, dude, like, am I a failure with my purpose?
12:31
SPEAKER_00: Did I get my purpose wrong?
12:32
SPEAKER_00: And then you're just like questioning everything and you're like, well, I suck.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: And then it becomes like that inner critical.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: Well, because a lot of the messaging online is when you lock into your purpose, that's when things fall together for you.
12:43
SPEAKER_01: So when things are not falling together, you know, what's the lesson you walk away with?
12:46
SPEAKER_01: That's such a good point.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: And then it kind of so I guess like in entrepreneurship, I do think that, well, I guess like part of my purpose is being me.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: And part of being me is growing a business that I fucking care a lot about.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know why I care this much about the online business space.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: I don't fucking know.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: But like that is just it's part of my identity, whether I fucking like it or not.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: And so I think that there is something here to explore.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: But for a while, I was like, oh, well, I'm really good at SEO.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: People pay me money for this.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm very good at educating on this stuff.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: This must be my purpose.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: But then it feels like I'm putting myself into a box.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: And then I have an identity crisis every other month where I'm just like, well, dude, I don't only want to do SEO.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not just the SEO person.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: Like, I want to have transparent conversations.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: I want to network.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: I want to connect.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: I want to collaborate.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: Like, I want to do all of these other things where it's like, if I were to just think that SEO is my purpose, you're missing out on all of the other things that uniquely make me me.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: And so I think that's part of it is just like being able to untangle our thoughts on like what it means to find your purpose, but also like what does purpose mean?
14:06
SPEAKER_00: That's why I like the definition of like your purpose is becoming you, becoming the most you that you could ever become.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: I think that that like in a very small way, I feel like that's a good way to think about it.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: It just feels so much freer that way.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it does.
14:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it feels more tangible, like right now.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: I really liked you said, like, my purpose is being me.
14:33
SPEAKER_01: I think that's it.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: And so if you are committed to the work and uncovering who you are without all of society's conditioning, that is it.
14:41
SPEAKER_01: And so the cool part about that is you can never fuck that up, right?
14:45
SPEAKER_01: Like you and I just being who we are, exploring our curiosity is like there's a reason you have that interest.
14:52
SPEAKER_01: Not everybody has that interest.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: There's a reason that you have that interest.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so your curiosity, again, guiding the way, leading you towards, you know, purpose.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: All you have to do is chase that.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: All you have to do is spend time with yourself, get to know yourself, ask yourself, how can I show up more as me?
15:08
SPEAKER_01: As we've been having this conversation, lol, human design keeps popping back up to me.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: But I do think there is something here about like we are all puzzle pieces that are supposed to fit together.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: And some of us, maybe some of us are gonna save the world with brand new inventions, but some of us are here to grow food and nourish others and provide comfort, you know, and there can be, I liked what you said about work in particular, because that's something I certainly struggle with, is I've always felt very strongly, even from high school, and I've shared this on the podcast quite a few times, I want my work to have purpose.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to spend my whole career feeling like I'm just doing pointless stuff or even doing stuff that's like degrading the world, even worse, you know?
15:49
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that for me, I was very frustrated, even up until this point of like, I can't find this magic job or business or role that makes me feel like I am just like lit up and this is it, and I'm exactly doing what I'm here to do.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: And that was frustrating because like that's what I thought I wanted.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: That was my ultimate life goal was to have purpose in my work.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: And when it's not clicking, that sucked, you know, and so I think that allowing yourself to get purpose, especially if it's not coming from work, but remembering you can get it in other ways, you can get it in your relationships, you can get it in how you do dishes.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: You know, like there's this really um beautiful Japanese tradition, like even janitors, all the way up to CEOs, there's this idea of like, whatever I'm doing, I'm gonna show up and do it my best.
16:40
SPEAKER_01: And that's kind of what I think this conversation is, is no matter what you're doing, right now, my purpose is to be doing this podcast episode with you to the best of my ability.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: And as long as I'm trying my best, like that's me living in my purpose.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: That feels light, that feels energizing, doesn't feel like anything I'm fucking up.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: And it also doesn't feel like this really well-defined dictionary definition that I thought it would be.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, I've kind of shared on the podcast before, I have this vague, like, I woke up in this life wanting wanting to help women.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of us have that, but it doesn't go much more beyond that.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not sure, am I helping women in their careers?
17:19
SPEAKER_01: Am I helping women with their fashion?
17:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, like there's a million different ways that that could happen.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: And I've been frustrated because I'm like, I'm not doing it.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: I haven't changed the game for women on a global scale.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: But for me, it's more about getting small, you know, like what am I doing right now?
17:34
SPEAKER_01: How am I, you know, nourishing my relationship, showing up for my people, showing up in my job to the best of my ability, and then releasing the rest.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: I think there's a bit of detaching from outcome that has to come into the purpose conversation because the way that I learned about purpose, it was very outcome-based.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: Like I am not in my purpose unless I have achieved this outcome.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: And what we are untangling is that purpose is more of a journey.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: There is no one destination to reach, right?
17:58
SPEAKER_01: So we're almost holding ourselves to this like unrealistic expectation.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: And at least for me and some people that I've coached, it's really derailing because like we all have good hearts.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: We all want to do good, you know?
18:10
SPEAKER_01: And so I think when we hold that what is good too high, it really can kind of throw you off on the day-to-day.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: And I think finding purpose comes through the day-to-day and in those little moments and how you fill yourself up, nourish your life force, your life energy.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that that's really important.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just thinking about like when you're trying to like quote, like find your purpose, there's like worksheets that you can download.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, and then I just think about like, you know, you said my purpose is to like help women, and it's like, well, if you hire a coach, a purpose coach, they'll probably walk you through the six-week process of uncovering your purpose.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: And then it's like you walk away with this game plan that might feel really energizing for the next six months, year, maybe two years, maybe even 10 years.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: And then you're like, I just lost the spark to my purpose.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: Does that mean that I'm no longer aligned?
19:07
SPEAKER_00: And then I also think that like in the entrepreneur space, in the business space, we have this activity that we do for like defining values.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: And I've always kind of rolled my eyes at those.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, those are words to me.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
19:23
SPEAKER_00: Like, I want my values to be felt.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: I don't need them to be all over my website.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: I don't need to let people know that like I'm the most, like I'm in integrity.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: Like I just I am.
19:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't need to scream that from the rooftops.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: But I feel like defining your values can also like, like a lot of people are like, well, I want to be purposeful.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: I want to be purpose-led.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: And we'll even see some people using like, I'm a coach for purpose-led entrepreneurs.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: I think that that's important.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: But also when I see that, I'm like, well, I don't know if I'm a purpose-led person because I don't have this business idea where like I'm helping women in a way that I thought that I would be helping people or like whatever.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like even in like weird ways, it creates this shame because of how we kind of have thought about it.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: But as you were talking, it kind of came through that it's not about like, and we've said this already, but like it's not about the destination and it's not about one like finite thing, it's not about one tangible outcome.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: Your purpose is about how you share you and that can change.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, if my purpose is to be transparent and to inspire online business owners to make money and to market in a way that feels good for them, that can absolutely be through SEO.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: That can also absolutely be through networking.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: It can also absolutely be through a million, it could be through this podcast.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: And so that idea of like your purpose is essentially how you share you and that can change.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: I feel like that just like opens up the floodgates.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: It's like, wow, dude, that's way more motivating.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: I just wrote down purpose is a practice, not a destination, not a result, right?
21:17
SPEAKER_01: That feels so much more fun and like approachable and that I could do right now as opposed to um something I have to figure out.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, I really love that you brought up those like life coaching exercises because that's exactly where I think we switch from uh the internal side into the doing immediately when we start to talk about purpose, you know, like okay, to follow these six steps.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: And your point is so valid.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: I could go through that activity and I could find something that lights me up right now, today.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: But what about tomorrow?
21:50
SPEAKER_01: And what about when the moon changes?
21:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, like I am a different person daily.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: I have seasons and chapters and cycles, and see, I just my purpose one day.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: May not be what wakes me up the next day and fires me up.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: And I think for me that kind of freaked me out because I do have, depending on where I'm at in my cycle, what's going on in the bigger world, like I'm high some days, I'm low some days.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: And I think I was looking for this like magical rabbit of like, I'm gonna find this thing and this work, and it's gonna like every single day, every single day it's gonna be it, and I'm fired up and that's it.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: And so when that didn't happen for me, and in fact, I was having more low days than high days, and I was not feeling connected or like I'm doing anything like I want, it it really led me to a low place.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: And in um, I think there's gonna be seasons in our lives where purpose feels really clear, and there's gonna be other seasons where purpose feels a little more gray.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: And so, in those gray seasons, this thinking of purpose as a practice, you know, thinking of like how can I, whatever I'm doing today, how can I just show up and try to be myself and try to do my best, right?
22:59
SPEAKER_01: And how can I fill my own cup?
23:01
SPEAKER_01: You know, as you're talking, I'm kind of like, oh, is purpose more of like a feeling or an energy?
23:05
SPEAKER_01: Is my purpose here to make people feel a certain way?
23:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or make myself feel a certain way so then I can go pour into other people, right?
23:12
SPEAKER_01: I think that honestly, what's coming through for me right now is like, I don't think purpose, your purpose on this planet is something that you ever get to know.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: Because think about it, you if you're detaching from result and you're just practice, I'm in the practice every day, I'm showing up, I'm unmasking, I'm doing my thing, you're planting all kinds of seeds, your influence on all kinds of people.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: You don't know how all of that is gonna come to fruit.
23:35
SPEAKER_01: You know, you could be ripple effects helping other people that you don't even have any clue about.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: You helping someone, they help someone else, they start a business, change the world.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: You're out of control at that point.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: And that's how the universe works.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: So I think we all have this false idea of like, it's this tangible thing, like you said, and it's this result, and I made this big impact.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: But what if the impact you make doesn't happen until 50 years after you die?
24:00
SPEAKER_01: Was it still worth it for you to show up every day?
24:03
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: So I think we have to detach from this idea of like, this is a result, this is an outcome.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: My purpose is to do this X thing, because you have no fucking clue how your actions are going to actually pan out into results.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: If there's one thing that's true, we we know that that's true from this podcast, right?
24:19
SPEAKER_01: It can happen in all kinds of crazy ways, especially when you're working with the universe and allowing that.
24:31
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25:20
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26:01
SPEAKER_00: All right, let's take you back to the episode.
26:09
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's almost it's just this idea that we keep reflecting back on throughout this journey of this podcast of like, we all have these hard, rigid goals and results that we want.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: And that's what society tells us, and that's what we think is success.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: And when we don't hit those exact things, we're beating ourselves up.
26:30
SPEAKER_01: But really, it's not about those things.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: It's about how you show up in every single moment, how you're taking care of yourself, how you're getting to know yourself, and then sharing that gift with the world, being your puzzle piece and letting other people be their puzzle pieces, and then releasing.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: That's not my job, right?
26:47
SPEAKER_01: My job is to be here and be me.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that approach to purpose feels so much more liberating for me and possible, as opposed to like I'm failing every day because I haven't all solved all of women's issues.
27:01
SPEAKER_00: That makes any sense.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: I think that that is helpful because when you're sitting there and you're feeling lost, when you're sitting there and you're like, listen, I would love to figure out what fucking puzzle piece I am, bitch.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: Like, I would love that.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, how do you start doing that?
27:34
SPEAKER_00: It is by like going, like downloading a worksheet and asking yourself these questions.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: But I think it's important to remember that the self-reflection process is forever continuous.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: And I think that as a human with an ego, that's horrifying.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: There is no certainty, it's all uncertain, it's always evolving and it's always changing.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: That sucks.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: I would love if I could just figure it out and then all of a sudden I'm living the next 40, 50, maybe even 60 years in pure bliss, dude.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: How amazing would that be?
28:12
SPEAKER_00: But then I feel like this might be a sign that there definitely is something greater, whether it's God, whether it's universe, whether it's source, like whatever.
28:18
SPEAKER_00: Because if we think about it, nobody has a perfect life.
28:23
SPEAKER_00: Not one person.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: And Andrew brings this up all the time.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Mariah, isn't it interesting that like nobody, even somebody where it's like, you know, if you don't have a lot of money and you're sitting there and you're like, dude, if I could just win the lottery, and then you meet people that have a lot of money, we're born into a lot of money, and then it's like they also have problems.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: And it's like nobody has this perfect life.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that comes back to what you said of like, I don't think that we're supposed to know.
28:51
SPEAKER_00: I don't think that we're supposed to figure it out.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: It's not figure outable.
28:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, if it's not figure outable, then it can't be a destination.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: And if it's not a destination, then why do we keep saying that our purpose is these tangible, finite things that we point to and that are like directly pointed to an outcome?
29:14
SPEAKER_00: Because if our purpose isn't a destination, then it can't be an outcome.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: Well, and how many people have you heard like stuck and they're like, well, if I could just find my purpose, then you know, it turns into one of those things that, like, if I could just get this, then I could do what I wanted to do, which is like the biggest thing that holds you back.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's why we're so attracted to astrology, human design, and like the Enneagram and like all of these different ways to get to know ourselves, because I think that's the purpose.
29:44
SPEAKER_00: I think our purpose is just to get to know who we are and allowing that to change and to evolve.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: So if you're just like, I don't know what puzzle piece I am, like I'm confused, I don't know about myself.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not sure.
29:56
SPEAKER_00: Maybe last season you were something else.
29:58
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm just thinking about like my mom, for example, like her purpose for so long was raising children.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: And now we're all out of the house, and she's just starting to start exploring things, and she just picked up a second job.
30:11
SPEAKER_00: This is like the cutest story ever.
30:13
SPEAKER_00: My mom is like very short and round.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, she's just so she's so cute.
30:18
SPEAKER_00: So she ended up helping one of her friends, like one of her friends' cousins owns a pierogi shop.
30:26
SPEAKER_00: So now my mom, in between like her job, she works as a bus aid with like handicapped children.
30:31
SPEAKER_00: And so before, like in the middle of her shifts, and then after, she like walks into this like pierogi place and like helps people make pierogies.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: And she feels so much joy from that.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, she's calling me on the phone and she was like, Oh ma'am, Mariah, it's about to be busy season at the pierogi shop.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, we're about to make so many pierogies.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: And she was like, and then somebody came in and wanted to buy pierogies, and I ended up selling them on our own new dessert pierogies.
30:55
SPEAKER_00: And I just think that they're so good.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: And like, I'm not saying that pierogies are my mom's purpose, but like she's finding so much joy in being able to uncover and explore and tap into like what feels good in the version of herself that she's in right now.
31:13
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's just so important to remember because how many times do we see people change careers, or it's like before you become a parent, after you become a parent, or like before this something that happened, after this something that happened.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: And it's like it just keeps coming back, I think, to continually getting to know yourself and then nourishing yourself.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: Part of your purpose is nourishing yourself and allowing yourself to feel good in your body.
31:40
SPEAKER_00: And that might be a really fucking tough process for people.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that that's even a destination.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't think that there's maybe anybody in the world that feels like perfectly perfect in their body either.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
31:52
SPEAKER_00: So it's like there's all of these different things and how it can show up, but it all comes back to like, how can we continue to evolve?
32:00
SPEAKER_01: I think the parent example is such a good one.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: Cause how many I've heard that story over and over again, especially with mothers with grown children, you know, it's like that this was my purpose for so long.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: This is what got me out of bed.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: This is what drove me.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: And when that leaves, what's next?
32:16
SPEAKER_01: You know, it are you done?
32:17
SPEAKER_01: Is life over?
32:19
SPEAKER_01: Certainly not, you know.
32:20
SPEAKER_01: So, like that can be really disorienting when you have a purpose that gets taken away for one reason or another.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I liked what you said there though of in your mom's situation, it's I get to, I get to find my new purpose instead of for me what I, oh, I have to find my purpose.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: If I'm gonna be successful in this in this life, I have to, I have to.
32:42
SPEAKER_01: Her reframe is awesome.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: I get to, and what a joy that is to get to explore who I am right now and what I what lights me up and what I enjoy doing.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: That is a really fun reframe.
32:52
SPEAKER_01: And isn't that like the joy of life to get to explore what you're interested in?
32:56
SPEAKER_01: And I want to add, you know, yes, I agree, it's getting to know yourself, it's filling your cup up, but then there's the third layer of it's being courageous enough to share your true self with the world.
33:05
SPEAKER_01: And that is really that can be hard, right?
33:07
SPEAKER_01: For me, especially with like a lot of visibility issues, as I've gotten to know myself, gotten to know my voice, gets feeling more fired up.
33:13
SPEAKER_01: I want to share something.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, now I gotta go share that with the world and share it with people that have only ever known me in a mask.
33:19
SPEAKER_01: And that can be really challenging too, right?
33:21
SPEAKER_01: So I think that um uh this is challenging work.
33:26
SPEAKER_01: It can be difficult.
33:27
SPEAKER_01: I want to honor that.
33:28
SPEAKER_01: But if we can just bring um Mariah's mother's mindset into this of like, what a joy it is to have the freedom to get to explore your interests, to get to know yourself, to have the time in your day to meditate or fill your cup or whatever that is.
33:44
SPEAKER_01: And that is all part of higher purpose, right?
33:46
SPEAKER_01: Like this, I am feeling like I'm gonna walk away from this episode thinking about this more of like finding where can I find more joy in my life?
33:55
SPEAKER_01: You know, like where can I bring in more play and fun and ease and find what it is that I'm liking right now.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's awesome.
34:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm thinking about this woman I met.
34:04
SPEAKER_01: She really stuck with me.
34:05
SPEAKER_01: She had a different career in every single decade of her life.
34:08
SPEAKER_01: So, like 20s was one thing, 30s was she was in her 60s.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: So she had had like five careers already.
34:14
SPEAKER_01: And she was so open to the idea of like, my purpose is many things, and it's different seasons.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: And I'm interested in this for this 10 years, and I might be interested in that for that 10 years.
34:24
SPEAKER_01: And she was energetic as hell.
34:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm really interested in like older people that I have a ton of energy and like life for.
34:30
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, that's what I want.
34:32
SPEAKER_01: And I think this is it, you know, like if it's feeling stale, let it go.
34:36
SPEAKER_01: Give yourself permission to explore new things.
34:38
SPEAKER_01: Go get the job at the pierogi shop.
34:40
SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of us in online business, we get really in ruts.
34:44
SPEAKER_01: And what we need is to get out of this space.
34:47
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we need to go work at a bar, work at the coffee shop.
34:50
SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of shame around that.
34:51
SPEAKER_01: But really, when you talk to those people, they're like, and that's when I found my creativity again, and that's when I found my spark.
34:57
SPEAKER_01: So I think there's some message here about it, may not look the way you expected.
35:02
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're a boss babe and you were gonna take over the world, and now you're having this weird pang that you want to go work at the local craft shop.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: Do it, you know, like just detach.
35:12
SPEAKER_01: I love that you brought ego in this because ego loves one solid answer.
35:16
SPEAKER_01: You know, us as humans, we like to categorize things, label things, know exactly what they are.
35:21
SPEAKER_01: So your ego is gonna really react to this idea that purpose is moldable and changeable and evolves with you as you evolve.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: But on the flip side, that's what makes it really fun and exciting.
35:31
SPEAKER_01: So I definitely like really appreciate that more optimistic perspective.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm just having like so many examples come to mind.
35:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, I have a friend and most of her family works in the banking industry.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: She's not a banker.
35:46
SPEAKER_00: She tried to get a nine to five job, and it just was soul crushing to her.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: And so then she started like messing around with flowers and wanted to get into florals, and then she like offered paintings for a while, and then she's really into beekeeping and like making honey for people.
36:01
SPEAKER_00: And like she's always beating herself up because she's like, I haven't found that thing that's gonna stick.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: And like I feel like I'm wasting my time.
36:12
SPEAKER_00: But really, if we could switch it and be like, what if your purpose is just to be fucking creative?
36:18
SPEAKER_00: How cool to be able to see somebody that like knows how to create an amazing, beautiful floral bouquet, and like you can deliver honey, like you understand honey bees, like we need these little pockets.
36:31
SPEAKER_00: And then it's like your little interests could be part of your purpose.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just simply how you create a life that feels really juicy to you.
36:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm really into baking sourdough bread lately.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: Even so, where me and Andrea are just like, oh, we're gonna open up a sourdough bake shop where we bake bagels for people.
36:49
SPEAKER_00: And maybe we will.
36:51
SPEAKER_00: I have no idea, but like making sourdough feels like right now, in this moment, part of my purpose because I am getting so much joy from it.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: And it kind of sucks being on a mountain and not really having anybody to like give these bagels to.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: Like, bro, I want to make these bagels, like somebody come eat these fucking bagels.
37:10
SPEAKER_00: So it's like, I think that purpose can be in the small things, it can be in the big things, and I think it's like that corporate structure that really made us think that that's not how it is.
37:23
SPEAKER_00: Like, how many times growing up, we have aunts or we have grandparents, or we know somebody that's like, they were a lawyer for 45 years and it's like a badge of honor.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: And like that is great that, and it's great from my perspective, the fact that you could fucking stick it out for 45 years, dude.
37:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, God bless.
37:42
SPEAKER_00: We need people that are like really that more narrow for focus in their profession.
37:49
SPEAKER_00: But I feel like now the generation coming after, like all of us, we're kind of like, we don't want that.
37:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, there's a piece of us that doesn't want that.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: Some of us might, but some of us don't.
37:59
SPEAKER_00: And then it's like we're using that as like what success is.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, oh, well, they found their purpose because they were a lawyer for 45 years.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: It's like, have a conversation with them.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: Do they wish that they could do other things?
38:10
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they do, but like they didn't have the internet back then.
38:14
SPEAKER_00: So they didn't realize about all of these unlimited possibilities.
38:17
SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like the generations after that, and like the generations coming up, it's cool that we're able to like, like, if we're a puzzle piece, inside of our puzzle pieces, like little puzzle pieces, we're able to put this life together in a way that like makes sense uniquely for us.
38:36
SPEAKER_00: And that is cool.
38:38
SPEAKER_00: That's cool shit.
38:40
SPEAKER_00: And like, I just think that we lose sight of how I keep saying cool, but like how fucking cool that is.
38:49
SPEAKER_01: I just realized why we love online business so much.
38:52
SPEAKER_01: You and I always are like, why do we love online business so much?
38:54
SPEAKER_01: And it's like we love infinite possibilities, and that's what the internet opened up for everybody.
38:59
SPEAKER_01: There was one way to do things.
39:01
SPEAKER_01: You get a job, you stay there for 45 years, that's your purpose.
39:04
SPEAKER_01: That's life, right?
39:06
SPEAKER_01: And so now the internet has like opened up a million opportunities and shown us that we don't have to stick in that mold and we are more empowered to build lives in different ways than we thought we were, or provide for ourselves in different ways than we thought that were possible.
39:19
SPEAKER_01: So the internet is a weird way that has like opened up um, I think it's made finding purpose fun and and opened up possibilities.
39:27
SPEAKER_01: But then the trade-off with unlimited possibilities, it can feel a little bit like suffocating and over.
39:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, like too many possibilities.
39:34
SPEAKER_01: I need focus, right?
39:35
SPEAKER_01: It's a little bit more like peace of mind.
39:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I just work at this job 45 years and then checked, I did it, you know?
39:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it definitely adds more variables, which can be challenging, but also very exciting.
39:46
SPEAKER_01: And then the other thing I wanted to reflect back, I'm I feel like corny, and we didn't go into this episode with this intention, but like curiosity is the fucking way.
39:55
SPEAKER_01: It's the guide.
39:56
SPEAKER_01: What that's if you are looking for purpose, what does it always come back to?
40:00
SPEAKER_01: What are your little weird interests that feel kind of silly, but like light you up and you could spend eight hours diving in, you know, because that's unique to you.
40:08
SPEAKER_01: That's something that not everybody was put on this earth with.
40:11
SPEAKER_01: And we need everybody to have all their own little unique things because somebody's gonna be interested in everything, right?
40:16
SPEAKER_01: So I think honoring your rabbit holes, your getting into sourdough breads, your whatever things that is like uh real for you right now, whether it's making money or not, that that's the start.
40:30
SPEAKER_01: That's the beginning of it.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: That's like the seed.
40:32
SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of us, you know, if if that little spark of making sourdough bread, if you would have been like, oh, that's not practical.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna make any money with that, you know, like that's not my purpose making bread, you would have never done it.
40:44
SPEAKER_01: But like, who knows what making bread can turn into or what businesses you could inspire people to start, or who freaking knows?
40:52
SPEAKER_01: So I think that moral of the story with purpose, it can start really small, it can be really now, be present, be bringing purpose to what you're doing at this exact moment.
41:01
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't have to be any more than that.
41:04
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be this big, mysterious, mystical thing that we're unraveling with our lives.
41:10
SPEAKER_01: Cause like honestly, on the day you die, you're still not going to know what your purpose was.
41:13
SPEAKER_01: And you're probably not gonna know what the effects of your work will be.
41:16
SPEAKER_01: So, like, what does that mean?
41:18
SPEAKER_01: Now, how can we detach and like think about practice?
41:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think it comes back to like, are you willing to create a life that feels good for you, regardless of if it feels too simple or too complex?
41:33
SPEAKER_01: Love that.
41:34
SPEAKER_00: Because I think that we have people that are like, well, my purpose can't be like growing organic vegetables just for my family.
41:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, doesn't my purpose have to be like if I'm growing organic vegetables and it's my purpose, doesn't it then mean that I have to become a farmer?
41:48
SPEAKER_00: Don't I have to like maybe have an invention that like allows more accessibility to organic produce?
41:53
SPEAKER_00: And like, yeah, that might be, but like maybe your purpose is like growing organic fruits and vegetables to your family so that they're well nourished, they're well loved and well supported to create a foundation for your kids if you choose to have them to go on and to live their own unique life.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: Like your purpose could be maybe as it's so funny because we're fucking humans and we think that this is simple, but it's not.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: But like maybe your purpose is to simply love yourself and love your people.
42:23
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
42:24
SPEAKER_00: And we think that that's so simple.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: We think that it's like that can't be my purpose.
42:27
SPEAKER_00: How is that not your purpose?
42:29
SPEAKER_00: That's everybody's purpose.
42:30
SPEAKER_00: That's like the core foundation of our purpose.
42:32
SPEAKER_00: That's the core foundation of everything.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: And I think that it's so easy to think, like to push that aside and overlook that because it feels too simple because it's not complex.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: But then we also have people that are like, well, my purpose is to solve all the problems in the world.
42:49
SPEAKER_00: And that feels really complex.
42:50
SPEAKER_00: But like, what if your purpose is aligned with that in your own unique way?
42:54
SPEAKER_00: And even though your goals do feel really big, that can still be your purpose.
42:58
SPEAKER_00: And there's like such a huge, a huge spectrum and like different flavors that come up around this.
43:05
SPEAKER_00: And I think that especially guys, like I'm just thinking about Andrew.
43:12
SPEAKER_00: Like he right now doesn't have a job when we live on this mountain.
43:17
SPEAKER_00: And it's like he's sitting here and he's like, I don't know what my purpose is.
43:22
SPEAKER_00: And then like he'll beat himself up.
43:23
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, Well, I mean, I could have been a lawyer, like my grandpa, he seemed to love that, and I'm really good at like arguing things, which he sure is good at arguing things.
43:33
SPEAKER_00: But it's like he beats himself up that like he doesn't have this stable job that's bringing in all the money for me and him, and that like I'm the one with the stable something.
43:44
SPEAKER_00: And so he'll beat himself up about it.
43:46
SPEAKER_00: But it's like I'm grateful that he has me because I remind him like, what if your purpose is to be a really good dad?
43:52
SPEAKER_00: Like we plan on having children in the future.
43:55
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, what if that's your purpose?
43:57
SPEAKER_00: Or what if we end up, I don't know, moving back.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Buffalo inserting a fucking sourdough bagel company.
44:03
SPEAKER_00: Like, who knows?
44:04
SPEAKER_00: Nobody knows like what's gonna happen.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, maybe you're meant to find whatever lights you up later, or maybe it's just like being a part of your community, or maybe it's like being a really good partner.
44:18
SPEAKER_00: Like, I and that just doesn't, it doesn't fit the mold for how like he was societally programmed to maybe I should work in a factory and like have stable income and like have benefits and all of that stuff.
44:31
SPEAKER_00: So it affects all of us in very different ways.
44:35
SPEAKER_00: And obviously, I can only speak from my experience and from Andrew's experience, but just hearing his side of things is really eye-opening to me because it's like I never had that expectation.
44:46
SPEAKER_00: I never had the expectation that I had to be the breadwinner.
44:49
SPEAKER_00: Instead, I felt like a boss-ass bitch, like I could be the breadwinner type thing.
44:53
SPEAKER_00: And so there's so many different like layers to this too.
44:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it comes back to something we weirdly touch on on almost every single episode, which is defining success for yourself.
45:04
SPEAKER_01: Ask yourself honestly, are you is my definition of success right now earning money, money, money, money, money, money, money forever to buy, buy, buy, buy, buy forever?
45:13
SPEAKER_01: And is that really what I want?
45:14
SPEAKER_01: Or is that something that I picked up from society?
45:17
SPEAKER_01: Because your point is really valid.
45:19
SPEAKER_01: Our culture really rewards purpose in certain ways.
45:24
SPEAKER_01: If you're working your job for 45 years, fitting into this mold, oh, that's purpose and that's successful.
45:31
SPEAKER_01: But if you're here just loving on people, nourishing people, maybe it's not financial gains, but it's like you're empowering awesome humans to go out in the world and do awesome things.
45:41
SPEAKER_01: There's no award for that in our culture.
45:44
SPEAKER_01: And especially if you're male, there's a lot of shame that goes around into being the nurturing, like a caregiver.
45:51
SPEAKER_01: But that role is the most fundamental role.
45:54
SPEAKER_01: It's what keeps us all fucking alive and going.
45:57
SPEAKER_01: And can you imagine if nobody was finding their purpose and that role of nourishing and helping?
46:02
SPEAKER_01: And I think your point is so strong of like, if you feel like your purpose feels silly, ask yourself, am I defining success in the way of what success feels like for me?
46:12
SPEAKER_01: Or am I defining success in the way that mother culture is telling me to define success?
46:17
SPEAKER_01: Because you're right.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: What is all of our purposes more than being here and loving ourselves and loving each other?
46:25
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't, there is nothing more than that, right?
46:27
SPEAKER_01: And if you can be love in this world that is so depleted of it, there's nothing higher than that, right?
46:33
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm giving myself goosebumps saying this.
46:36
SPEAKER_01: So I think, you know, I know we're like um parrots saying the same thing over again, but don't get brainwashed into what society is telling you is successful, is the right way to have purpose, is the right way to live a life.
46:50
SPEAKER_01: Spend some time in quiet, spend some time with yourself.
46:52
SPEAKER_01: Know that you get to define success for yourself.
46:55
SPEAKER_01: You get to define purpose.
46:56
SPEAKER_01: And even if it feels silly, it's probably the most valuable thing you can do.
47:00
SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's empowering.
47:02
SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
47:02
SPEAKER_01: What a good message.
47:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
47:04
SPEAKER_00: And I keep coming back to my mom.
47:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm just picturing her and like, you know, she told me about the about the pierogi journey on the phone.
47:12
SPEAKER_00: So I wasn't able to like read her her face when she was saying it.
47:16
SPEAKER_00: But it's like, okay, so you're you're starting to figure things out, you're starting to explore different things.
47:21
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're going to make pierogies, maybe you're making sourdough bread, maybe you're offering offering like a networking event, which sign up for that.
47:30
SPEAKER_00: Links in the show notes.
47:31
SPEAKER_00: But it's like, if you're testing out all of these things, you're playing around with these ideas, or if you're exploring human design, you're exploring astrology, Enneagram, whatever, it doesn't matter what it is.
47:43
SPEAKER_00: I think there's also a different piece to this.
47:45
SPEAKER_00: The question is, how can you share it and have a conversation about it?
47:50
SPEAKER_00: It's through the conversations that provides clarity.
47:54
SPEAKER_00: And I'll say that over and over and over again.
47:56
SPEAKER_00: I literally like, thank God I have Shay.
47:58
SPEAKER_00: Yesterday I was having, I felt like an identity crisis.
48:01
SPEAKER_00: And it was just nice to be able to hold space and for me to verbalize what was in my brain, even though it didn't make sense.
48:07
SPEAKER_00: It didn't make sense to me.
48:08
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I'm kind of feeling like a toddler throwing a tantrum, but at the same time, like these are all of the looping thoughts that I'm sitting with in my own head.
48:16
SPEAKER_00: And it just felt really good to get them out.
48:19
SPEAKER_00: After that, it was nice for Shay to then reflect back.
48:22
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm noticing that you keep saying this, this, and this.
48:25
SPEAKER_00: She didn't provide any solutions.
48:27
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't trying to solve a problem for me.
48:30
SPEAKER_00: She was just saying, like, hey, like, this is the overarching topic, whatever.
48:34
SPEAKER_00: And then, like, I ended up getting clarity that night and this morning.
48:39
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just thinking about my mom, like, how cool that like she is excited enough to share about making pierogies.
48:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm excited enough to share about sourdough bread.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, I think that's it.
48:51
SPEAKER_00: And like, moms, like you're excited about finding a meal that your kid won't throw on the floor.
48:58
SPEAKER_00: Like, share this stuff.
49:01
SPEAKER_00: We need to hear it.
49:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
49:03
SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
49:04
SPEAKER_01: It's like, what is feeling purposeful today?
49:07
SPEAKER_01: And then how can I share that with my people?
49:10
SPEAKER_01: Right.
49:11
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
49:13
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
49:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:14
SPEAKER_00: That's that's definitely it.
49:16
SPEAKER_00: And like that's also, I feel like the main story for my friend that like is diving into beekeeping and like doing florals and stuff like that.
49:26
SPEAKER_00: Her Instagram, like it's a personal Instagram, it's not a business Instagram, but it's like it's her personal Instagram.
49:32
SPEAKER_00: She's just sharing shit that she gives a fuck about.
49:35
SPEAKER_00: And I know that she doesn't see that as like part of being her purpose, but like how inspiring it makes me pay attention.
49:42
SPEAKER_00: Hey, where did this honey come from?
49:44
SPEAKER_00: Not because I want to be a beekeeper, but because my friend inspired me to pay a little bit more attention to like who you're supporting when it comes to honey.
49:53
SPEAKER_00: Or it's like, oh, a floral arrangement.
49:55
SPEAKER_00: I didn't even, what a beautiful invitation.
49:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go to the farmer's market and see if there's some flowers that I could pick up because I really want flowers.
50:03
SPEAKER_00: So now then that supports the farmer.
50:06
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
50:07
SPEAKER_00: Like all of this stuff is just so interconnected.
50:10
SPEAKER_00: Right.
50:11
SPEAKER_00: That do not downplay the impact that you can make simply from sharing about the shit that lights you up today.
50:18
SPEAKER_00: My mom had no idea that her sharing about pierogies was going to inspire a fucking story in this podcast.
50:25
SPEAKER_01: Which may inspire people listening to this podcast to then go do something that they've had on their minds.
50:29
SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
50:30
SPEAKER_01: Like you did this goes back to like you just have no clue.
50:33
SPEAKER_01: But what we're hearing is that when you are showing up with your purpose, whatever that means today, sharing it with people, you have no idea who you're inspiring.
50:41
SPEAKER_01: Your mom is inspiring lots of people right now.
50:44
SPEAKER_01: She had no clue.
50:45
SPEAKER_01: And that is such a great example of detach from the outcome.
50:50
SPEAKER_01: What a freer way to live your life, anyway, because you really have no idea how this is all going to come together.
50:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I appreciate you guys sticking around to the end of this episode.
50:59
SPEAKER_01: Brian, I feel like this is kind of like a working theory.
51:01
SPEAKER_01: You know, we get like fired up talking about purpose, and we're like, this is something you and I are actively working through in our own personal lives and business right now.
51:09
SPEAKER_01: And um this reframe has been a huge game changer for me recently in terms of just allowing me to lie, show up with a lighter heart and a little bit more of a lighter spirit and kind of um have a little bit more fun with all of this.
51:23
SPEAKER_01: So I hope that um you guys listening today really there were some pieces that resonated with you that you took away that you may have found inspiring, that you can then now go show up in your own way, inspire inspire the people around you because when you are following your curiosity, you are inspiring people, whether you know it or not.
51:40
SPEAKER_01: So don't be afraid, explore those weird things and then share them with your people and see what happens.
51:46
SPEAKER_01: You have no idea, but the final results are usually always pretty surprising and mind-blowing.
51:52
SPEAKER_01: Um, but with that, I think we're ready to close this episode down.
51:55
SPEAKER_01: Remember, friends, you have the power to create whatever the hell you want.
51:59
SPEAKER_01: Follow the nudge, ask questions, and let curiosity guide the way.
52:04
SPEAKER_01: We'll see you in the next episode.
52:08
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for tuning in and listening to this episode of the Curiously Guided Podcast.
52:15
SPEAKER_00: We appreciate you so much for being here.
52:18
SPEAKER_00: Truly, this podcast is such a joy for us to create.
52:22
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52:36
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52:44
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52:49
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52:56
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