Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #271 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#271 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, it's those moments of connection that creates the bonds
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: and the memories and the experiences that kids will talk
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: about for years.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: and dad.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Of all the episodes that we do, we get more
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: positive feed in fact, more feedback generally, And it's always
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: positive about our Friday conversations.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: I'll do better tomorrow.
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: Well it's our favorite as well, so I'm not surprised.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm Justin Colson.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: I'm here with Kylie, my wife, and we do this
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: podcast called Dr Justin Courson's Happy Families. And are you okay?
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: You've got your wiggles on today, You're wiggling all over
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: the place.
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to put my happy on right.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: One thing that I've discovered about being a parent now,
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I think it's being a mum. I don't think the
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: kids have ever done this to me, but I was
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: watching just the other day. This is kind of indiscreeted
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: me to say this, But you've gone into the bathroom, actually,
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: you've gone into the toilet. You need to have a moment,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: and our seven year old Emily comes into the room. Mom, Mum, mum,
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: and I said, mum's in the loo. You'll have to
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: talk to me, and she said, no, I need to
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: see mum. I said, well, she's in the toilet. You
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: can't go in there. And she completely walked past me,
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: ignored me. And you said something like, Emily, I'm in
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: the tournament. She busts the door open, walks in and says,
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: I don't care. I've got to give you a hug.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: She gives you a hug. The kids really love you.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: They'll go through anything to give you.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Anything went through me and went straight in there. How
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: does that feel to know that you're that loved that
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: somebody will actually hug you while you're there, you know.
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: What, of all the places they could love me?
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Just disgusting.
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: It's really bad.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry to bring that up, but this is real
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: life parenting, right.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Like you can't have a shower without there's just no privacy.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: And I think it happens for mums much more than dads.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: The kids have never done that for me. They also
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: know that when dad's in the shower. I mean, we've
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: got girls and We've just always had this thing about privacy.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: So the kids don't come into the shower when I'm
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: in there, into the bathroom, but they don't care if
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: you're in there. They just walk straight in there, have
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: a conversation.
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: We've got all the same bit, so it's not they
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: have a.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Conversation with you. Well, I just don't understand it. Anyway,
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: I'll do better.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow is the Friday conversation that we have where we
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: reflect on the week that was, talk about the good bits,
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: all the bad bits, and figure out how we can
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: be more intentional or better at parenting as a result
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: of either the successes or the failures that we've had
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: this week just gone.
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: We've had some pretty epic failures. Let me I'm hoping
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: today's got a better feel.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well, I'm feeling pretty good about I don't
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: know if mine is actually a winner or a loss.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: I'm going to put it down as a success.
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: Learning No, no, no, I just I'm going to say it.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Was a success because the intention was right and nothing
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: worked out quite right, but we still were glad that
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: we did it anyway. So on Monday of this week,
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I've been I've just been doing massive hours at work,
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: and whenever I can, especially on a Monday, I try.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: To get off work a little bit early.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: And I guess one of the great things about working
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: for yourself is apparently you do have that flexibility. I
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: say apparently, because when you work for yourself, you're much
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: harsher on you than any boss normally would be. But
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: I reckon, even if you do have a boss, you
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: can probably try to get a little bit of flexibility
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: into your life to make this happen. So on a Monday, AVO,
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: one of our kids finished a school a couple of
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: hours early, that's just how her timetable is, and the
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: other kids they've got a school that finishes at two
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: thirty and so on a Monday, Avo, I try to
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: get at least an hour or two off work and
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: spend some time with the kids. And this Monday I
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: was able to do that. My schedule's been overfilled, and
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: I just thought, I'm going to be back in the
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: office all Monday night. Anyway, I'm going to disappear for
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: a few hours with the kids, grabbed them, jumped in
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: the car, went to the beach, and.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: It just felt so good to drive down.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: The highway arrive at the beach and then we got
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: out of the car and I kid you not, the
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: wind was It was like a hurricane. It was blowing
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: at like thirty or forty kilometers an hour, like it
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: was howling, and it was cold. And the kids got
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: out of the car and I was just finishing a
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: phone call and I said, I'll be there in just
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: a second. I was doing a radio interview for ABC Perth.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: They ran down to the beach. I said, I'll be there,
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: just go to the flag and I'll come swim with you.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: But I hadn't got another car and felt the cold,
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: all the wind. They were gone for about ninety seconds.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: They'd run down, they'd put their toes in the water,
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: and then they ran back and they sat in the
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: car for ten minutes while I was doing this interview.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: When I finally got off the telephone from the interview,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: I said, what are you doing? What are you here for?
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: And they're like, it is so cold, we are not
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: going swimming. I got out. There was not a single
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: person on the beach. It was so windy that the
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: sand was whipping my legs As I ran down to
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: the beach. The water was actually beautiful, but the air
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: temperature was horrid, and I just said to the kids,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: we have driven for forty five minutes to get to
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: the beach. We are not giving up now. And they've
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: looked at me like I'm insane.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: That reminds me of when we first moved over from
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: New Zealand. I was ten and we hired a car
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: to drive from Sydney to Brisbane and we'd never had
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: a car where they're conditioning before.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: And so we arrived in the summer and it was really,
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: really hot, and my parents blasted that conditioner the entire
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: way from Sydney to Brisbane. We were so cold in
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: the back and every time we said to them, can
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: you turn the air conditioning off? They said no, because
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: once we get there, we won't have a car with
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: air conditioning.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: We've got to get our money's worth, right. That's what
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: you did to the kids.
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: Pretty much did get into the water when it was freezing.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I said, I've taken the afternoon off work to come
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: to the beach to go for a swim. We've driven
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: here for forty five minutes to get here. We've sat
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: in the car, I've done this radio of you. We're
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: swimming and I ripped my shirt off and they were like,
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: he's serious. I tagged one of them on the on
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: the backside and said, tip your it and just ran
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: for the water. The water was absolutely beautiful, but with
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: this incredibly like the wind was howling and the surf
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: was just messy and gross and it wasn't nice to
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: be in the water because it was just so choppy,
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: like it was awful. And after about five minutes in
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: the water, I've said to the kids, are we done yet?
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: They're like, oh, we are so done that we spread
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: it back up the beach, getting whipped by the sand
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: and stood underneath the cold shower to try to get
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: on the sand. Office I'm going to say that that
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: was a really big win.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: We really miss being close to the beach. Those ten
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: minute drives to realize that the conditions weren't good is
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: a big shift from what you're now having to do
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: forty five.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: Minutes down the road.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Because we used to live in Wollongong, it was ten
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: minutes from fig Tree to whatever beach we wanted to
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: go to Port Campbeller this duel of the South Coast
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: and yeah, really really awful. So on the way home
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: we stopped at yack Donald's and I bought an ice
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: cream with a flake for each of them. And I reckon,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: even though it was a dismal failure in terms of
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: the quality of the experience we had with the activity,
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: we talked and we sang songs, cheued up a whole
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: lot of stuff on Spotify, and they told me about
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: their lives. And I'm calling that an absolute screaming win
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: in spite of the horrendous conditions.
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: Well, I love that you made time for them even
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: when your schedule was so busy.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: I reckon that if families can find a way to
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: do that, it really does make a difference. It's those
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: moments of connection that create the bonds and the memories
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: and the experiences that kids will talk about for years.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: I reckon that one's going to be remembered by them.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Let's find out about your I'll do bet it's Moorrow. Next,
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: it's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: of Discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happy
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: families dot com dot au slash shop.
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today we
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: are talking about the things that we got right. I
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: think this reason did you have? You got a good
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: story as well. I think one's a bit like yours.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: I'm going to talk it up as a success.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: So long as no walls or ceilings were damaged in
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: this story, I'm feeling good about it. For those of
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: you who miss by the way back in the podcast
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: feed to last week's I'll do it tomorrow and find
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: out why Mother's Day was horrendous and why we no
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: longer have walls and ceilings in our TV room.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: So what was yours?
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: So for a little while now Miss seven just hates
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: having a bath. We've gone from can't get her out
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: of the bath. She would just like literally live in
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: the bath if she could to now refusing to get
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: in the bath. And so the other night, as I
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: was talking her through it and just explaining that, you know,
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: her hair gets really naughty after she's been in swimming
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: lessons and we just need to give it a quick wash.
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: She doesn't have to stand there forever, just give herself
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: a quick wash. She was like, Oh, all of a sudden,
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: it kind of clicked. She thought she had to I
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: don't know what she thought she had to do, but
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: I just said, just get yourself washed. You don't have
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: to stay in there, and she was like okay. So
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: she finally did it, after she'd had a pretty big meltdown.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: I tried to just stay calm and talk her through it,
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: and once she was done, she was still just a
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: little bit out of thoughts. And so I just said
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: to the big girls, all right, we're gonna we're just
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: going to call it quits tonight. I'm going to go
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: and spend some time with Emily in her room. And
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: so I tried to do what we would normally do,
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: and she's got little readers from school, and she'd read,
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: but she just wasn't settling well in that space. And
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: I just happened to look over and on her shelf
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: she had put all of her big puzzles, like he
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: one hundred, one hundred and fifty two hundred, two hundred
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: and fifty piece puzzles all in her shelf. And I
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: was like, Emily, would you like to do a puzzle?
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: I kind of broke the rules. It was really time
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: for reading, but I just thought I just need I
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: need something to kind of to reconnect with her. And
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: she said, hm, okay, and so we sat down and
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: she decided to pick the biggest puzzle and the hardest one.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: Of the whole lot to do, of course, but.
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: We got about three quarters of the way through it
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: and she said, Mum, we don't have to finish it now.
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: I think I'm ready for bed, And she just jumped
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: into bed and we had a little snuggle in a
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: cuddle and lights were out, and she just went to
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: sleep so beautifully, and we probably probably we were a
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: little bit over time. She didn't go to bed exactly
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: when she was supposed to, but she didn't go to
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: bed screaming and wailing either.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I was really.
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: Grateful for that time to reconnect and just regroup before
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: bed so that she could go to sleep peacefully.
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: Great story.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Love, I'll do better tomorrow. Love just connecting with the
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: reality of being a parent. I came across I was
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: having a conversation with somebody just the other day, and
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I can't remember if it was me or them, but
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: somehow we came up with this idea that the product
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: of parenting is the parent, not the child, and these
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: intentional moments, these opportunities for us to reflect and try
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: to do better tomorrow based on either what we're winning
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: with or what we're losing and failing with. It helps
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: us to become better parents and that's the real outcome
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: of great parenting, as we become much better people. We
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: love hearing your Little Winds as well. Every Wednesday on
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Facebook we have this thing called Little Winds Wednesday, and
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: this week our Little Winds Wednesday winner.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: Do you like that?
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: That's a mouthful?
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Our Little Winds Wednesday winner was Tara Baine and who
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: said after a rough month with child health assessments, trouble
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: at daycare, with yelling, hitting and kicking the other children
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: and teachers, and overall quite big feelings towards everything, we're
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: now under the third day straight of quite calm, happy
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: and more manageable days. Found the biggest change was in
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: myself not letting my emotions parent and just stepping back
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: and thinking before reacting. It's been an awesome couple of
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: days so far with mister three. Let's hope it continues well. Tara,
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: because you jumped onto Facebook and told us about your
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: little wins with your little ones on Little Winds Wednesday.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: You are our winner this week of one of the
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Coulson Justinism's twelve pack eighty five sized posters.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: That's a mouthful, isn't That's another mouth We're sending you
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: some stuff for free, and every Wednesday on Facebook we
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: give you the chance to tell us about your little
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: wins with your little ones so that we can send
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: you free stuff on our Friday I'll Do Better Tomorrow podcast. Hey,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: one more quick thing as well. This week has been
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: an absolutely massive week and I want to run you
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: through it just to highlight the work that I do
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: in case as a podcast listener, you're not aware of
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: the other stuff that I do outside of the podcast.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: On Monday night, our Happy Families members and a bunch
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: of other people who just bought in for the night
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: were able to participate in a webinar about anxiety in
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: your child that's now for sale in the Happy Family's store.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: On Tuesday, I worked at leward Hill College, at a girls'
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: school in an inner city suburb of Brisbane, where I
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: worked with students, with staff and with parents talking about
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: raising teenage girls and dealing with all the dramas and
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: challenges that teenage girls can experience in their lives and
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: how we can help them through it. On Wednesday, I
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: worked with King's Christian College on the Gold Coast working
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: with students about respectful relationships. I worked with students from
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: grade seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, and twelve and I've
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: had some incredibly meaningful and powerful conversations. On Thursday, yesterday,
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I was in Penrith at Penrith Anglican College, helping parents,
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: students and staff. It's been a really big week with
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: loads of presentations and if you have your kids out
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: of school, or if you're a school teacher and would
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: love to get access to the work that I do,
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: I would love to be able to visit with you
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: and share these presentations so you can jump online. Just
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: visit my website and click on the speaking tab at
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: happy Families dot com dot you and one of my
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: staff will be in touch to talk to you about
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: how that happens. If you're not able to make that work,
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: you might like to try the Happy Families membership. It
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: could make so much difference in helping you to make
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: your family happier. Again all the details or at happy
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: families dot com dot AU. The Happy Families podcast is
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: produced by Justin Ruhlan. He's at Bridge Media. Craig Bruce
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: is the brains behind the podcast, our executive producer who
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: helps us to sound the way that we do. We
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: appreciate the work that they both do and we are
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: so grateful.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: For you listening to our podcast.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Thank you for being a Happy Families podcast subscriber, and
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: we encourage you to tell your friends about it. Leave
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: those five star ratings and reviews so that we can
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: reach more people and help make more families happier.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: For more info, visit happyfamilies dot com dot a