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Transcript

An Unlikely Affair: Birth Stories That Could’ve Sent Us to Therapy · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi Amber, Hilelah, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair. Hello, my loves,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to an unlikely Affair. I'm here with the
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: love of my life, my co host. Hello Amber, Hello darling,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: which are you playing with?
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: This is like the thing that's making it less hard
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: to not vape because you know, I have surgery soon.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Oh I love that for you, like a little whistle
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: that you suck and set a blow.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: It's going to give you lines on your face. O kidding?
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: No, right here, huh right here. I know I'm already
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: struggling with them. Filler and laser can't handle. I'm getting
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: my jawline injected. I think I may have them put
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: threads under here.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: But wait a second, what before you do that? I
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: just had botox done in here. And do you know
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: what this does? She said, you're She said, you're you're
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: that age where you could do it now because my
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: face is starting to pull down right here. If you
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: botox this, it also helps this. And it doesn't pull
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: your face down, it pulls your face back up. So
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: also maybe that's what it is too.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm going into doctor Diamond and I'm just
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: gonna see what he says, because I feel so insecure
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: about it and it's got to be the fucking age.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's happening, it's happening.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: I'm it's a little bit not Okay.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Then I don't want to full lower lift because then
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: it changes the shape of your mouth, and I like
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: the shape of my mouth. Is it this that you're
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: worried about? Yes, it needs to be pulled back and
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: then this needs to be filled. Only doctor Diamond can
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: do it because he lays the filler on the bone.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Ooh yeah, it's intense to create that L shape. So
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I need pulled back L and I'll be good.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: All right, I can't wait. I actually woke up this
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: morning thinking about doing my upper eyelids.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: I still don't think you should do that yet.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, maybe for my fortieth birthday.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think fortieth birthday is a good a good call.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Three years Yeah, I wanted to do an episode because
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: so many people were writing in about our birth stories
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: and if some of them were in alignment or not.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Because we have four births total between the two of us.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: That's a large, blended family.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of blood coming out and a lot
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: of busy stuff.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Did you give birth both times through the cookie? Mm
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: hmm you did.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: I did?
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: And how is she now?
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: She is.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Picasso. She's beautiful.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Really, my vagina actually got really, like even cuter. Like
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I've been told I have a really beautiful vagina by
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: women as well, and they're not getting anything from it, right,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: you telling me I have a pretty vagina.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: It's not like there's an end game, right, It's just
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: like it.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: It's just like a cute little compliment when I was pregnant.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: My cookie got real cute when you were pregnant. Yeah,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I mean she's cute now, but I just in what way. Yeah,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: she just looked like my face had a glow to it,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: and my vagina did too, like she too was thriving.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad you're in my ear because Riley is
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: home sick from school today and can you imagine.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: If we were like we would terrify her.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I mean she's lying on the bathroom floor
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: she's been throwing out. But this is such a beautiful conversation,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Like literally, I love this for you, and I'm so glad.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: You know, God just really takes care of us. That's
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: all I have to say. Maybe out of your vagina,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: I think God just as like you know what, I'm
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: gonna throw you a bone.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna throw you a bone, and hopefully a boner
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: like I wouldn't die, would to enjoy that. Do you
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: look at your vagina in the mirror like full spread eagle?
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: No? But I did after for sure, after you gave birth. Yes,
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: I wanted to see what happened, like what. I'm also
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: a science nerd, so for me, like, I'm like, oh,
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: what does she look like now? Because for so long
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: I couldn't see her, like you know, you're except when
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: you're I was pregnant during the summer, so I was
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: trying to shave, and for a while, you could shave
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: until your body gets like you know, your stomach gets big,
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: and then you're like filling and trying to shave, and
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: then you had to get a mirror and you're trying
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: to shave, and it's a lot. It's a lot, it's
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: a lot. But I no, I love I love looking
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: and just trying to like. And I also ripped with London.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I ripped.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: I can't for whatever reason, I don't remember if I
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: ripped as much with Riley, but I was so young
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: when I had London, so my body was probably like
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: you know, even more.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Yeahan the birth when you're what were you twenty twenty one?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Your body is sure? I was twenty one. Oh my god,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I cannot imagine giving birth a twenty one. You're like
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: just barely legal to go into a bar and order
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: a cocktail, let alone a fucking baby.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It should be illegal.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: It should be illegal.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I'll never forget when I gave birth to London, I
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: was so scared. I was so nervous.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Did you go into labor naturally with both kids or
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: did you were you induced London potocin?
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: Okay, Riley?
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: I naturally? Which, yeah, your water broke right, yep, my
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: water broke at home. I'm so glad I had both
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: experiences because I don't like pain. I don't want to
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: feel the pain. I had already been through enough emotional pain.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: The last thing I wanted was physical pain in labor,
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: so I like made sure. So when I with London,
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: I think, just because obviously it's your first baby, your
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: body doesn't really know what it's doing. More times than not,
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: you're gonna be late, right unless there's some sort of precondition, right,
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: or there's something wrong with a baby and they have
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: to do a C section. Riley. I just was like,
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: get this kid out of me. I was I was
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: over it. I had London was three years old at
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: a toddler running around. I was chasing my ex husband.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I had two dogs. Like, it was just chaos.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, what a nightmare. Were
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: was he in the room for both? Or no?
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: Wait was it London or Riley? You know, it's amazing that,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: like you get this mommy brain and then after you
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: have two kids, you're like, wait, did that actually happen?
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: And I would always give my mom shit for this.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: I'm like, how could you not remember? And then now
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, when was that? It was for no Riley?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: It was for Riley. He was doing triathlons. He was
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: in Vegas with his whole entourage. I go into labor
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: at home. Thank god my mom and my sister were there.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: My sister stayed home with r with London. My mom
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: drove me to the hospital, which was like I couldn't
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: even take a step. The contractions were so painful, like
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: just stepping up into the car. I was like, oh
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: my god. And then my mom's not from La so
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: she didn't know where she was going. So I'm like,
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: in between contractions, I was like trying to show her
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: where to go. And it was like comedy. And we
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: called them in the middle of the night. I think
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: they were in Lake Havasu doing a treathlon and my
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: mom was like, Amber's giving, you know, going into labor.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: They wake everybody up. They get back on a plane,
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: he lands in Van Eyes, comes to the hospital. I
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: am now just waiting to dilate more. He's like, I'm
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: really tired. I'm going to go to the SLS Hotel
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: with my mom in sleep. And this point I had
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: already been through enough and so I was like, bye,
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: you know, yeah, come back when you know I'm pushing.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Of course, I start pushing. My mom's calling and we're
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: starting to push, ring ring, ring, No one answers, ring, ring, ring,
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: No one answers. My mom's like, what the fuck? My
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: mom calls his mom. She finally wakes up. At this point,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: I think I'm like at a nine, Oh my god.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: She goes to his room, bangs on the door, and
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, where were you? Found out later they both
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: went into the room and went to sleep. I'm like, you, motherfucker,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: cue motherfucker.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Really really so comical, it's so good, Like I just
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: can't picture anybody being like, my baby's coming. I'm really tired,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Like at that point, I would think adrenaline would kick.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: And also, don't fucking talk to me about how tired
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: you are. I'm ready to push a human out of
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: my body when I think about giving birth to Sosa.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Even though I had these like little spells of passing out,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: like for my mom to be able to be in
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: the room, for me to have just like so much
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: piece female energy, I wasn't worried about anything. My mom
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: got to cut the umbilical cord. It just it was
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: like a full on redo.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Oh I love that for you. I love that so much.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: I remember when I was twenty one and I used
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: to watch TLC like having a baby, and I would
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: be like all day, you know, the last trimester, you
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: literally are just on the couch doing nothing right. And
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: it was in winter, so it wasn't like I could
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: go out and swim or do anything active. And I'll
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: never forget seeing all these horror stories. So I'm terrified
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: to give birth. I'm young. My mom and my mom.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: I don't think had met him except for one time
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: because my parents obviously they completely disowned me once I
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: got pregnant.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: They're like growing up in your life, right.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: My mom came out for the birth and had met
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: his mom for the first time, and we went to
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: this restaurant up one Sunset called Ketchup. It was like
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: one of my favorite restaurants at the time, and they
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: had like it was so good. I had They would
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: bring French fries and then like six different types of Ketchup.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: So then I went in at like nine nine ten
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: PM to be induced and stuff, and I'll never forget
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: he I didn't know this. I did not know this.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Once you give birth to the baby, He's like, okay,
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: now you're gonna give birth to your placenta.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Oh my god. He walked you through it. The doctor
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: My what Yeah.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: So I was like, what the heck is that? So
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: they took London and did their thing and was checking
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: her out and they're like, Okay, you're going to do
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: a couple of pushes and you're gonna pull this placenta out.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, wait, they didn't show me this on TLC.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: What do you mean I have to do this. So
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I did that, and it was the most Have you
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: ever seen a placenta live?
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've eaten it. Look at Amber's face. Yes, I've
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: seen a placenta, Babe, you've eaten it? Yeah, like like
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: a fork. Like no, I'm not that, I'm not that barbaric,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: but yeah, like it. I pushed it out of my
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: body and then they just basically like put it onto
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: a plate and then someone came in the room and
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: like prepared it to put it on ice and in
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: the bag or whatever. And then someone came and put
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: it in capsules.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Got it, Okay, I mean it, that makes sense in
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: pill form. I pushed it out and he turned at
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: the wrong time, and I had like obviously it's blood.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: He's like squirting out blood everywhere, and he's like, oh
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: my god.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: He goes it's the bride of Chucky, and I was like,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: fuck you. And I was like mortified because I'm like
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: so sensitive. I'm still like shaking, and I think that
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: traumatized him for life. By the way, most men, I
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: think can't handle that. If I were to.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Do it, I can tell you something that is so untrue.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I have men who my friends are with that are
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: like watching my wife do that was the most incredible experience.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: Of my life.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: I have two experiences of giving birth and they've both
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: been the same, So I don't know any different. I
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: don't know any different.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Can I tell you I think there's a possibility I
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: could be able to experience all three ways? Like, I
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: think there's a possibility. So my daughter's been begging me
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: for a third baby, begging me. It comes up every day,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: amber every single day.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: It's becoming exhausting.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: But she's like very fixated on having a brother, and
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: it's kind of a lot of pressure.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: So I don't have any control over that.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: But you know how, at the beginning of the year,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: I told you, like I was open to love whatever
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I'm you know, throwing it to the universe, bring someone in.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: If it's not meant to be, don't like whatever will
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: be will be.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I have opened myself up to the universe that if
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: it has someone waiting for me to have a third
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: baby with, and it'd be right like the way that
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: i'm that someone is supposed to experience having a baby
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: with another person. So I'm throwing that out there into
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: the universe. There is a possibility that I could have
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: baby via piece of shit, baby via donor baby via
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: healthy part.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Wow, well let's try to do the latter two, not
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: the piece of shit. We'll leave that one now.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: I have to tell you, as the kids get older,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: where you think you're over the hurdle of it being difficult,
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: it becomes more difficult. Like I'm entering the stage amber
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: with Ocean, where it's like, my kid is can be
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: spicy with other kids at school and hurt kids feelings,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: but they can also hurt her feelings. And I don't
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: quite know how to go about it about other kids
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: hurting Ocean's feelings. Yeah, you know better than anybody that
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: you're I think both of your kids right experienced bullying
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: and girls not being that nice. And as much as
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I sit here and go, oh my god, I love
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: being a mother to two girls, boys just seem so intense,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: it is a different kind of intense. And I'm starting
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: to see things shift and like, oh, we're like really
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: going to school and personalities are clashing and girls are
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: now aware of like, oh, I have good hair, I
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: have long lashes. I'm just throwing shit out there that
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: they didn't care about before. I'm like, you're five. I
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: was just gonna say they're five. I know, but Ocean
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: is caring about things that.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: She's me.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: I cared about these things at a very young age,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: and my mind worked well beyond its years. And I'm
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: tripping because I was not prepared. I don't know how
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: to parent like this.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Well, first of all, no one knows how to parent, right,
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: there's so manual for me, and having to deal with
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: London and the way she learns and operates in the
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: world is different than most of her peers, right, and
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: we came to find that out. You just have to
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: validate their feelings. I think if you just and you're
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: setting them up. When you're doing that, you're laying the
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: foundation for healthy emotional regulation down the line, right right, So,
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: when Ocean comes home and someone's being mean to her,
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: instead of saying, oh, I'm so sorry, just say how
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: did that make you feel? Yeah? Nothing, let her talk
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: and then kind of like oh I and then like
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: kind of repeat back, Oh I'm so sorry that made
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: you feel like like you were ugly, or I'm so
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: sorry that made you feel like you were left out
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: when your friends went to go play, you know, on
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: the swing like. I think that's the most important thing
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: is why do we go to a therapist as adults? Really?
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: It's I think ninety percent someone listening to us, and
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: in that process it makes us feel better.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I feel like and she's very honest. You know,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: she'll say, you know this, this kid was mean to me,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: and I'll say, oh my gosh, like what happened? And
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: she'll go, well, I knocked over him his tower and
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: then did this and then he was mean, And I'm like,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: but you were also mean first. But I also amber
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: don't want hurt. This is where I get nervous about
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: going in that direction with the how did that make
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: you feel? I want my kid to be seen and heard,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: but I certainly don't want them to be fucking pussies
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: and fall into like the victim mentality. It's like, okay,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: how did this make you feel? Going forward? You can't
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: control other people. We can control our own selves. Let's
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: talk about who was nice to you today, who'd you
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: have fun with. I don't want her to hyper fixate
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: on the people who you know she's squared up with
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: at schools.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: It doesn't need to be like an hour conversation, right,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: it's just like, huh, how did that make you feel?
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: With no emotion? That made me feel? Oh, look at
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Mommy made you a snack. Do you want some apples?
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Once you once she gets it out, like it doesn't
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: have to you don't have to sit in the feelings
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: for hours with her.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: She will the oh she will. I did something before
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: her birthday party. She had a fabulous day, fabulous hours
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: had gone by. She comes up to me and she goes,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: you were a great mom today besides one thing and
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: brings up what happened in the morning. I go, Ocean,
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: gotta let it go. Shake it off, sister, shake it off.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I said, sorry, let it go. If you don't want
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: to let it go. Your issue now, not mine, not
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: my issue.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. But Ocean is so special because she's
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: so freaking smart, like so smart, and she knows how
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: to like push your buttons right.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, the most Amber. I'm dealing with myself twenty four
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: to seven. It's exhausting. Payback's a bitch, It's a huge bitch.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: And then there's Sosa, who's just like happy to be here,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: wants to put on She's obsessed with these rose colored glasses.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: They're in the shape of hearts, and all she wants
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: to do all day long just walk around the house
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: with them on, take them off.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: And go whoa and put them back on. She I'm
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: like brand new soul, brand new soul I.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Love right, not tainted by the world.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: Do you think Riley's an older new soul?
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: One hundred percent. As soon as Riley came out of
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: my vagina and they laid her on my chest, I
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: looked at her and the first thought I had was,
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: You're my ray of sunshine, because I was in such
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: a dark, dark, dark place I had dealt with so much.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: And now looking at her, she's you know, she's she's
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: a young woman. Now she's getting in she's twelve. I
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: feel like she's like sixteen. But it's that's it's hard.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: It's hard.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: It's not easy. But then there are moments like when
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: she's sick. Not today, but a few weeks ago, when
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: she had the influenza. I went to say good night
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: to her in her room and she had already fallen asleep,
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: and she goes, mama. She never calls me mama. And
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: then I said, you want a hug, and she goes yeah,
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: and she pulled me in for a hug. I literally
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: had a tear down my face because I was like,
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: usually when she's awake, she's like, you know, get away
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: from me, yes, being so mean to me or I'm
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: just not cool or whatever. So that like little moment
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: that I had with her the other morning, I was like,
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: oh my god, this is so just Why can't you
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: be like this all the time?
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: I know, but you know what, I feel like, you're
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: also in this stage where like she's gonna start coming around.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: No, really, I think I have a while. No, I
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: think it's not. Maybe this is like a mother daughter thing.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: But lately I tell my kids, you forgot who the
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: fucking captain is? Yeah, I run this ship. Yeah, let's
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: not forget.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so turned on by you right now?
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Can I tell the amount of times they fucking forget?
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: And by the way, I am not a gentle parent.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I'm a fuck around and find out bitch, all right?
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Do you know who the fuck I am? I don't
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: talk to them like that, but in my head I am,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: because Ocean will square off with me. The other day
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: we were going toes and sometimes my mom has to
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: intervene because she'll.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Rock I have to call my mom too. Sometimes I'm like, dude,
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: deal with your granddaughter because I'm about to lose my shit.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: Yes. Yes.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: The other day, Ocean says to me, I was telling
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: her she couldn't wear this outfit. It was horrendous, and
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: she continues to put it on and it's so bad,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: and so finally I just had to tell her.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: I was like, Ocean, I have to be honest with you.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: It's so bad.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: And she tells me, Mom, this is what I'm wearing.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: You don't know what to wear. Look at you.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I was in sweatpants mismatched because when they mismatch their
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: cozier and she goes, so you need to freaking check yourself.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: She told me to freaking check myself.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't know what I said to her. Amber, I go,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: you talk to me that way again. I will rock
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: your world.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: That's such a nice way of saying, don't fuck with me.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: Don't fuckit.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I'm actually gonna use that line. I'm gonna rock your world.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: I will rock you to your very core. Okay.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: No, I know people are gonna judge me, but you
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: can't gentle parents someone like freaking ocean, So.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: This is so funny. Riley wanted her friend to come
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: over this weekend and I had reached out to the
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: mom and they're from Venezuela, so I have to talk
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: through WhatsApp and we have to translate ocause she doesn't
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: know English. And Riley goes God in trouble and I
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: was like, hey, let me just reach out to her mom.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, you know, we'd love to have over.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: And she's in trouble. She's being corrected, and I was like,
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: I love this. She's being corrected.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, I love that so much I have
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: to write it down.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Hold on.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: It was so we use that more because we always
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: say you need to come correct. Once they don't, then
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: we need to get you corrected.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: I's in trouble for three days and she was being
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: corrected and I said, you know what, that is so
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: powerful to say instead of you're in trouble, she got grounded,
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: you're being corrected.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love this so much. Do you
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: think you'll have a third baby.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: I was talking to my kneebrick about this yesterday because
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: she's my age. She's thirty seven, she doesn't have any children.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Were both like in this of like this spot of
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: and need to do it off birth control. That would
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: be three months wirst of all, I gotta find a partner
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: step one, Okay, if I choose to do it that way,
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: which I think I would find a partner three months,
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: get off or you know, get my iud out, which
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: then that you shouldn't start trying. I think until like
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: three months after that. Not a doctor, but I think
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: this is what I've heard. Then who knows if I
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: can get pregnant or not. It's like three to six
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: months after that. Now I'm close to thirty nine, right yeah,
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, almost thirty nine, then nine months of pregnant,
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: ten forty weeks of pregnancy, Like I think you're free,
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: and then I start doing this. Then I start this
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: is this is how bad I get in my head.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: When the baby's ten, I'll be fifty.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's your third baby.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: I'll be fucking tired. Lalla, I'm tired. And then then
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: what about menopause? Then I'm raising a young kid, chasing
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: a young kid while I'm going through menopause.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: My mom does it every day. Your mom's not human
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: she's sixty five rocking a girl. And you know what if,
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: and especially if you had a partner, like obviously you
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: would bring on help, you'd have a nanny, you'd have
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: the partner.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: I can't do it alone. I don't have family here
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: I like. And by the way, the way I parent
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: is not the way my parents parent it so and
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: then you're gonna have people trying to parent you and
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: how you parent your It's like, I just want, I need,
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: I need.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: I know, sounds like you're done, sounds raybe you having
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: a baby?
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Where are we at? Ocean? Ocean wants another one.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: Without giving away my life right now, because I don't
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: want to do that. I have this this intense feeling
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: that my life is going to go in a direction
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: that I'm very excited about that I was closed off
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: to for a very long time. And things are just
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: working and I'm I'm very happy and I'm not fighting it.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: I had a moment of fighting it for and I
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: had to talk to my mother about it. I had
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: to call some friends. I'm like, why am I wanting
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: to blow this up? Just out of self preservation? You know, going, oh, no,
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: our guard is down out of fear I keep going
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: back to our episode of an Unlikely Affair with Melissa Thompson,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: the couple's therapist who was long distance with her now
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: husband for I think one eight months a year, and
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I remember saying to her that my biggest fear is
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: that you know I had done I feel like I
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: have done the work. But it's easy to say you've
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: done the work when there's no partner in front of you.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: You know, once that person and it's not a hypothetical anymore.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: And I say, if I feel like my traumas are
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: coming out, does that mean I'm not done with my work?
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: And she said it's there's only so much work you can.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Do on your own before someone has to come in
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: and help recreate experiences and memories so that you don't
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: tap into the trauma and you can tap in with
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: the new person. And I have noticed on two occasions
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: I have wanted to blow it up. Nothing's wrong, and
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, our guard is down. We want to
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: blow it up. And I'm like, oh my gosh, my
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: biggest fear is coming drough what are you doing?
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: M I can completely relate to this. I've been working
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: with a life coach, talk to this life coach and
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: kind of reframing and knowing that I could still be healing.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: And I truly believe you don't have to be completely
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: healed to be in a relationship. The work is done
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: in the action, right, like taking that pause before you
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: make that phone call or U send that text message
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: where you are going to blow up something that could
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: be potentially amazing.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's it's It definitely has been intense. And
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I've never had to work through these feelings before. I've
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: been so guarded. I mean, no one is getting in.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: I don't need to share with you about my life.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: I don't need to hear about yours. Like I was
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: kind of just a one track mind, right. We were
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: either not talking or sleeping with anybody, or we were
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: like ripping the band aid off and it was like,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: come one, come all, let's just have a good time.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Let's build the roster.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I don't need emotional intimacy, you know how I've been
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: And then.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: All of this, it's very similar.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: The new year comes in, we start our podcast together
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is what I'm this is what
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I'm opening myself up to. And now I'm just I
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm free falling. It's intense, like I'm so
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: happy but so scared at the same time.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: I get it. I get it. I have to say though,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: I love the woman you're becoming. I really really do.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: I'm like sitting here looking at you, going who, like
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: who are you? It doesn't mean that like you have
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: to like lose your spunk in like all these amazing
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: qualities about you, but like you on the screen right now,
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: hearing you talk, I'm having a moment of like, what
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: the fuck you are? Glowing? Oh, Ambers you are, and
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: I'm really really proud of you. So whenever you forget,
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: you fucking pick up the phone and you call me.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: And I should have called you, I'm just like I didn't.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: I'm now.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say too much because I'm just
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: very protective of what's happening in my life right now.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: And that's okay. You can You're just getting to know
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: a different version of yourself in a relationship. Yeah, So
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: when those feelings come up, just remember they're just feelings
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: and they last ninety seconds. Let it pass. It's like clouds.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: You know, you've heard the saying let it roll.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Let it roll. I should have fucking called you. You're
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: giving me so much great advice.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just those moments of a fear. So I
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: have a note card that I wrote and I said,
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: when I feel fear, call it thawing. It's your body thawing.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: When you feel like emotional or vulnerable or angry, it's
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: whatever shit that we've been through or you've been through.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: It's it needs to come out, So let it thaw
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: in whatever way. Think of a snowman and it's just melting.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: It's a nasty it's a nasty snowman. It just needs
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: to thaw. And once it gets out, that's how you
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: keep evolving.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, I tell you yesterday when I was telling my mom,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm in full panic, like why do
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I why? There's nothing wrong and I want to just
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: launch a grenade and blow up the whole shit. I
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm worried, and she goes, do you see
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: that tree out there? We can all picture the jee
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: right now doing this to be right on the couch.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: Goes, do you see that tree out there? Blowing?
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: And it was like this big palm tree and it
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: was just like going back and forth, and she goes,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: I want you to hang every single worry you have
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: right now on that.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: Tree and just let it blow away.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm watching blow away.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: I'm so happy now, fucking insane.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: Person, your mom, that's so sweet.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Well it's true, you guys, Thank you so much for
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: listening to Amber, and I just rambled, this is like
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: what it's like on the phone with you, I know.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: Except people are gonna listen to this.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: I love that me too.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Thank you, guys for listening to another episode of an
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: Unlikely Affair. We're gonna catch you next week. I love you, Amber,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: I'll see you soon.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: I love you too, baby.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: Bye bye