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The Body Is Not Where Trauma Lives: Layla Morelock on Your Body as the Akashic Library · Becoming Flame: Where Sensuality, Sovereignty, and Sacred Power Ignite

• Layla: your body is literally a library. And we know this. your bones, they have a lot of silica in them. They literally have crystals in them. Crystals carry information. You're you're literally a walking data chip that is also a sentient being and multiple sentient beings. Kait Tregenza: Hello and welcome to another episode of Becoming Flame Podcasts. I am Kait Tregenza I wanna open with a theory. Because my guest today, Layla Morelock has one that our body is actually our Akashic Records. I think she's going to change how you think about your own body in the way that she asks me to think very deeply about how I think about mine. She calls it the tribody self, meaning we are three bodies, the 2D mind, which holds the story, the identity, the ego, then the 3D body, which is here in the physical real time, right here where we are. And the moment we move out of this presence, we're no longer in that body. And then the 4D, the original spirit, the energy of you, the being, the quantum layer, the spirit layer, the part of you that's prior to both body. And mind. And her thinking is that your dream body doesn't come from disciplining the physical alone. It comes from bringing all three into what she calls the consensual connection with each other. And then what happens? Something specific occurs. Your body becomes what she names the Akashic Library. Not a metaphor for something spiritual and far away, but this physical record. It's held in the body you're living in right now of everything you are. And I had never really heard this concept before, but once I did, it was like, that makes a lot of sense. Your body does keep the score. But then she goes in and tries to change that belief system even again. So she's an embodiment educator, and that might mean something to some people, and it might mean nothing to you once you actually understand what she's talking about. Because even though she grew up dreaming of dancing. She couldn't be in her body long enough to actually dance. So embodiment for her takes on a completely different meaning. And I just invite you to listen with open ears and an open body to actually understand how her words are going to reframe the way that you think about things. She grew up the oldest of ten t children off the grid inside a fundamentalist household where beauty, dance, art The desire to be seen, the desire to be heard, to be understood, to be valued, were named as sin. And she was kicked out of her home at just nineteen years old for reporting abuse in her family. So not only did she have that happen, name it with bravery, but was punished for the act of truth, of honesty, of naming the wrongness. And what came after was a life uncovering who she was She has two degrees in ecology, eight years of bodybuilding, eight years inside the deepest rooms of esoteric practice, and out of it she birthed this framework that we're going to talk about today. when you are speaking in the truth, especially when the truth is so feminine and so embodied, it isn't linear, it's spiral, it's circular, it's convoluted, it's tangential, it it doesn't make sense to the mind, and that's the point. So if you leave this episode not understanding anything, you're probably close to being in the right place. Layla: Okay. Kait Tregenza: So without further ado, welcome Layla to Becoming Flame. Layla: Well, thank you, Kait thank you so much. It's it's a little crazy to hear it all summed up like that, but yeah, wow. So Yeah, just when you were talking, I wanted to start out with just a foundation, like bringing some emphasis to that point of how many of us actually get to grow up being in our bodies. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: And even if you had like a nor a a relatively normal childhood and you feel like it was pretty normal and you're like, well, my story's not that bad, that's a really common thing that I see. It doesn't mean that you felt safe. And the more Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: energetically sensitive and the more energy feminine dominant you are, the more that's true. So I really I really want to invite every woman as they're able, as you have the bandwidth and the capacity, to really be emotionally honest with yourself and that is spirit. Your your emotions are your raw energy, your spirit. Because they will let you know past the rationalization of your mind whether or not something was actually safe. 'Cause I a lot of women second guess themselves, they're like, Well, I do Pilates, I I train, I'm skinny, I'm healthy, I'm I'm good. I'm good. I pass Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: the surface. And so yeah, like do you do you really? Do you want to go deeper? Kait Tregenza: Yeah. I suppose the most obvious place to start this conversation is to contextualize your framework, your foundational body of work that Layla: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: you believe is the truth of our bodies and what they are. Layla: Well, it's interesting 'cause, you know, the a bit of a unique experience growing up with off the grid parents who were doing organic farming and gardening and we grew all our own food and we had our own goats and all that. And I should have grown up like the epitome of health. And I see a lot of people Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: on social media, you know, the trad wife movement and they're trying to go back and get that back to the land, which I love from an ecological perspective. But it's not going to save you in terms of your body health. I grew up in that and ended up with autoimmune and a slew of other health issues, as well as crooked posture, like bone alignment. My bones actually grew uneven side to side of my body. And that caused balance issues, which caused an accident, which made it all worse. So I ended up with undiagnosed scoliosis and cranial. damage. and and I didn't I didn't know this because while I love the modern health world for dealing with some issues, it's really bad at diagnosing body issues that are not life threatening. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: And that's that's the boat I see so many women in. You know, I had multiple PTs, doctors, personal trainers miss this for years. And I would I would get sick all the time. I would get sick very, very easily. Just the constant pain, the fatigue. I was dealing with POT symptoms. I was dealing with endometriosis symptoms. I couldn't get any of that diagnosed. I didn't know what it was. But I felt my I felt like intuitively just this fear, this terror by the age of twenty-five that my body was falling apart. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: And and I had grown up knowing what it is to eat an ancestral diet, knowing what it is to eat well, my you know, I I knew how to cook. So there was no reason that I should be sick. So I pretty much had to like figure this all out on my own, self-diagnose, take health classes, really push the doctors. And then when COVID came along, you know, that affects the central nervous system. And it kind of took all these issues and just raised them through the roof, like it did for so many women, to the point of no return. And that's when I had Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: to stop. Lifting after eight years of bodybuilding style lifting, I had stopped because I physically could not. I was passing out. And I was in so much pain. I was in so, so much pain, just inflammation, joint pain. And the career that I had worked so hard for and moved to a different state for, I realistically was having to leave behind because I had endometriosis so badly I couldn't function. The Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: the pain was too much. And I was recommended a hysterectomy because that's the best it Kait Tregenza: Well. Layla: got. And it's at that point where I just I reach this internal rebellion. And I know that sounds so empowering and liberating, but it wasn't. It didn't feel like that at the time. It felt like hitting absolute rock bottom and just Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: completely being in despair at like, what do I do? How do I fix this? You know, how am I supposed to survive just the terror of all that? And I To to make things to sum things up and make it shorter, I essentially instead of giving into my fear, I followed my desire. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: And I ultimately I talked about this in a recent video. It's something I come back to again and again. I embraced my rage. There was one point where I was I I literally I remember that day I was in the bathtub and I was just in the middle of it and I remember screaming. I was atheist at the time. I was did not believe in spirituality. I was so angry. I was like, I've done so much in this family. I've been so good for myself despite everything that I've gone to. Why me? And I want my body back. And I started cussing Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: and swearing and growling. I was growling like an animal. And I was saying, give me my body back. And well, I I went on a long wild geese chase of multiple years in occult and healing modalities and learned by trial and error and came to what I come to today. Kait Tregenza: Mm. What was the trial and error? Because the I I know so many Layla: The trial mm Kait Tregenza: women who have been in that moment that I call it that bathroom, like crying on the bathroom floor. Layla: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: There's nothing left. I have nowhere else to Layla: There's nothing left. Kait Tregenza: go. I don't know what to do. But they don't always land in the certainty of their own truth. And I think that's the gap that not everybody. Bridges. Layla: That is a It's a gap that a lot that I I agree a lot are not able to bridge that gap alone. and I went s It's a refusal to give up on the darkest parts of yourself, which are not actually you know, you think of darkness and you're like, Ooh, my jealousy, my envy, all the cunty little Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: parts of myself that I don't like. No, I mean your desire, your Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: your desire, this girlish, it's a it's a girl, it's a girlish instinct in you. And I find that so interesting because I've heard so many women, older women in their 50s, 60s, 70s, who are who have had a more experience with life and they'll they'll they'll look at you and we'll be in conversation and we'll be like, you know, I don't feel older. I still feel like a little girl on the inside, but life has been so Life has been so harsh. Like I look in the mirror Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: and I don't recognize myself because I still feel like a girl, like a young woman on the inside. I still have all those hopes and dreams. I still have these desires for myself. And it's it's whether or not you have the the courage, which actually feels terrifying and does not feel like courage in the moment, to stick with that. to just stay present with it, to refuse to give up. on that desire. Kait Tregenza: After I went through what was more trauma than I ever thought anyone could go through in a very short period of time. It was the like the minds doesn't want to do it, but the body's like, stay here, be in this darkness, like eat this, devour this, be consumed by this. This is your salvation. This is the Layla: It is so Kait Tregenza: balm. Yeah. And you find your desire there. Layla: It's so vulnerable because you don't it's new uncharted territory and you Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: don't know whether or not saying yes to it will actually result in a mistake. And spoiler, it will. It will result in a mistake. And we'll get into that more later, but it is If you cannot if you cannot find a way to live in integrity with your true emotions, you are carving the life out of yourself. You're literally Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: carving the life out of yourself. Is it is it worth it? Sure it looks perfect in your head. But there's there's nothing making it alive. It's it's it's like AI art. It's lacking spirit. Kait Tregenza: Yeah, it's interesting. What are you talking about in in different words than Then maybe someone's picking up on is you're talking about finding your Eros. You and you don't find erotic connection in light and love in male guru ascension processes. And I think what you're talking to is like, I had no one to follow because spirituality has been written by men for the very purpose of ensuring that women do not find this. And even Layla: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: modern spiritualists, they're all on that list. They're all on that list, trafficking women, Layla: They are Kait Tregenza: owning them, selling them, consuming them, and then standing back up on stage and telling women what she needs to do for her body to find peace and love and acquiescence to some other agenda. Layla: Which is why to me it brings me back to that that what I said it was an act of rebellion. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: It will always involve an act of rebellion to truly claim your your whole self. Because right now I like to use the ecological example of a deforested forest. Women only have two archetypes available to them right now in the collective public. They have the girl who is sexualized and pimped out. And they have the crone who is bitter old and jaded. There are no mothers. Just like a rainforest, just like a rainforest, you grew up as a girl into a woman in this society where you're a young sapling and you look around you to what is a tree supposed to be? What it what who am I? Where are my elders? And it's been clear cut and burned. And you see the charred bodies, the big charred bodies of the matriarchs who were in every indigenous society before us hundreds, thousands of years ago, in some case cases. And of course you're horrified. You're like, that's what it is to be a woman. It's this dark, horrible thing full of pain and destruction. And you don't you you never got the chance to know. What what it is to be held by a rainforest. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: to have mother trees. There are no there are no mothers left. when it comes to Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: energy, when it comes to the the essence of of being a woman and especially in physical body. And so yeah, you you are you're on your own. And it takes an act of rebellion to look at that charred rainforest and be like, you know what? It could be something else. That's blasphemy. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Mm. And so coming back to the tribody self, talk to us more deeply about that. What do you know? How have you brought this forward for your own self? Layla: Well, I started to realize there's so many that the the mind and the body are two different beings and I think a lot of people who go into yoga or any body based exercise, you do you do come to that point. Even if it's a conventional like dance or Pilates, you'll you'll come to that realization if you practice long enough. Your mind and your body are two separate things. Also, if you're chronically ill, you will realize that. Because you don't want to be chronically ill, but your body be doing the thing it it's doing. And that can be really, really frustrating. And it kept it kept coming back to emotions. It kept coming back to I And it it all centered around my desire to dance. So Kait Tregenza: Hmm. Layla: I I could not dance growing up, which was really weird because my mom would freestyle dance on occasion. I couldn't do it. I could not do it. I felt like the walls were watching me. I felt like everyone was judging me. just my it would make my skin curl. I wanted to vomit. I would get a lump in my throat. There's your throat, your psycho throat chakra being blocked. And I started intentionally working with that wound in grad school by trying to take some regular dance classes. I couldn't do it. And I know so many women in this boat, you know, they they take a salsa class or a Zumba class and they're just, I can't I can't make my hips move that way. It's so self self-conscious, so awkward, just the shame. You feel like this red hotness in your face. You're like I feel I feel ugly and weird and I don't know if I'm doing it right. And it literally, it chokes you. It chokes you up to the point where you just shut down. Or maybe you had the guts to go to a class or two and you just you can't keep going. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: And because I'm exceptionally stubborn, even though it sucked that much, I I went for an entire year. And Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: I didn't improve. I did not improve. Forcing myself to Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: do it did not work. And that's a that's a big key there. Kait Tregenza: Is that true or is that your perception? Did you really not improve? Layla: okay, like like technically I improve, but when I would watch a video of myself I would literally want Kait Tregenza: Okay, so like the emotional Layla: I I Kait Tregenza: drop in didn't get better. That's what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. Layla: It did not get better. My body was still stiff and locked up. I couldn't express through the spine, through the hips. I was always always off time. And that's another big cue Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: for for our listeners. If you feel like you have no sense of rhythm, if you're off time. But you can hear the music really well. You know what you want to do. You know that you feel the music, but you can't connect to it in your body. And I just I intuitively knew that there was something there. And so I stuck with it. I started working with belly dance at home and once again got stuck, couldn't do it. I would literally go into shame meltdown episodes, like crying on the living room floor in front of the mirror on a really bad day. Like, Kait Tregenza: Wow. Layla: why can't I do this? And All I can say is I wanted it bad enough that I s that I that I continued with it and stuck with it. And at this time we're overlapping and, you know, interlapping a lot of astrology and occult, and tantra practices and kind of de unpacking my religious experiences. And separating from that and it all kind of coalesced together where the more I stayed with my body in those moments and was like, why are you I it was just asking the question, why why do you feel this way? Why do you feel this way about yourself? Why do you feel like you can't move? Where is this coming from? And that was very intense. But it did reach a breakthrough point where I started to gain more sensation inside of my body. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: inside my body. And it literally felt like seeing in the dark, like being in a black room with no light. and sensing in the dark with your hands. And the more I did that, that also resulted in a lot of panic because I started to realize that entire swaths of my body were numb. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: And I started to realize the extent of the nervous system damage that had happened from the accidents, from the emotional trauma. I realized that I was partially crippled in my right leg from that and that I had just never known. Kait Tregenza: Right. Layla: And that's once again that's something I think I j y that holds holds people back because it's very it's hard to look at your body and realize w w how much it's actually been affected by what you've been through. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: And that's where I lean use the leaning power of Tiza example where Something that's out of balance is always going to perpetually head towards more imbalance, unless you correct Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: it. But that correction doesn't come through trying to force it, but by rather giving creating a container for the energy emotion in the body to start moving through at a capacity that's good for you, your current ego identity, right now. And that's where we get into the tri-body self. Because you you is you see there immediately there's three pieces working together. There's your identity. If your identity is too afraid of sitting with your body, you'll never sit with your body. So there's always identity Kait Tregenza: Right. Layla: work that has to come first. And at every layer that you go deeper and level up, you will need to rescaffold that identity. And then there's the body itself, which is it's literally exponentially greater than than your mind. You know, your mind is a two-dimensional, binary-coded, black and white, right-brain-left brain being. It wants to say yes or no, just like binary code. It thinks in opposites, it works off of right and wrong, judgment. It's very masculine. Like Emma Young said, the animus of a woman is her inner mind self. Your ego is the most masculine Kait Tregenza: Hmm. Layla: thing in you as a woman. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: And who is it who has taught us in society? It's it's created for the masculine in a very warped twisted way. And so we're here in feminine, biologically feminine bodies running a very feminine spirit which is many times bigger than a man's spirit. But we're running it out of this this ego identity frame that we've been taught. And it just it doesn't it doesn't work. And the deeper I got into that work, I started to realize that The thing in the body be the thing in the body is not, it's not so much that your trauma is stuck in the body, it's that the relationship between your spirit and your identity, and your identity does not work. It's a un disharmonious relationship. You're essentially at war with yourself. And your spirit is always gonna win that war in the end, not your brain. Which is why you can be fighting yourself, why you can have autoimmune, why you can have injury, why you can wanna dance, but you won't let yourself dance, because your mind is in a war with your spirit. Because your identity, the identity that you develop growing up and in society is not congruent with who you are in your heart, in the quantum reality, in spirit, from source. It's not it's not a match with who you are. And so you have two cho three choices. You can stay in that war. You can disassociate from spirit completely, shove it down and repress it and cut it off. Or you can be curious enough to develop a connection through your body with your spirit and it will be messy Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: because spirit is 4D and mind is two D. So it's gonna be too much, it's gonna be a mess. But it will give you it will give you your life back. It will give you your body back. And once you once you try it, it will you you won't go back. You won't wanna go back. Kait Tregenza: What does try it mean for those who really wanna understand what you're saying right now? Layla: I guess everybody has that critical threshold in themselves, like where when have you actually tried it? And that's something so intimate to you. You can go to workshops, you can you can take ayahuasca and academy and you can do all that, and there's nothing wrong with that. Doesn't necessarily mean you've tried it, the thing for you. it always has to do with some forbidden desire that you're not letting yourself have. For me it was dance. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: But and for for for most of us there will be some level of shame or even disgust around it. Like you'll you'll know I do really long for this thing and want this thing, yet when I try to admit it to myself or try to engage in it, I get shut down and it's too much and I can't go there. And so it's not saying I don't want to encourage women to We go we go over this in the crux of my of my course. The temptation and if not even the temptation, the the automatic result is that most of us will reach for that thing once we know that that's the ticket to the beginning. We'll reach for that thing and try and force it because that's how we were raised. That's how we were taught to interact with our feminine is through force. Everything about the phys everything about the body is for performance, for exploitation. Your own beauty doesn't even belong to you. It's it's gotta be Kait Tregenza: Bec be because we've been raised here. Layla: Yes. Yes. Kait Tregenza: In the head. Layla: So when you do find that thing, I I'm not saying to jump into it in a way that is painful or too shame too shameful for your identity, like when you get choked up with those feelings, you don't need to push it. I'm just saying it is that thing. And if you can let yourself just even mentally hold it, hold presence for it, admit that it's there, even that is a powerful beginning. Kait Tregenza: I really like how you identify that there is likely gonna be like disgust or shame or repulsion or like something that you most you are most disgusted about in yourself or in other women. Like whatever is like the most triggering thing that you see other women do and you're like disgusted that a woman could do that. Layla: Yes. Yes. yes. Righteous judgment and wrath even. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: Like yeah, yeah. You you see it and you're when you see and for me it was like when I would see another woman dance just and really be expressive and you could tell she was just flowing with it. I would knit I would want to pick it apart and simultaneously the jealousy would about crush me. And it's somet it's so powerful to the point where you don't even wanna admit that you feel that way because feeling that way is is stingy and mean and wrong and you're none of those things. Kait Tregenza: Right. You're really pausing me because I am not a naturally jealous or envious person. And anytime I have been envious of someone, that for me is always like, ooh, that means Layla: Ha ha ha Kait Tregenza: I want it. I want it for myself. I'm going to be s I'm going to devour Layla: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: my jealousy of her and I'm going to say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. so I think Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: I had that, like I remember even at like 18, 19 years old, I met I met this woman, or girl, I guess at the time. Depending on the definition of womanhood, I went, I met this Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: very young woman who spoke multiple languages, and she had gone and done all of these exchanges overseas. And I was so, that was the first time I ever experienced like true jealousy. And that led me to going and doing that myself. And so I'm like, when I'm sitting here going, like, who would I be, like, what am I most disgusted about in myself? I don't know that I f I I can feel more longing and more like envy or like I would want more of that in my life, but the constraints of things haven't allowed for that. And I'm like putting that more on like, well, that's just a choice I'm making. So I'm wondering if anyone's listening and they're like, I'm not really disgusted by anyone. How could we get into this? Like, how can we actually understand what disgust is? Because maybe we're not. Layla: You you just Kait Tregenza: Deep enough or maybe it's there but we don't know. Layla: Okay, two things. Two things. First of all, when you have if you do recognize on any level that you are a little bit envious or whatever, can can we see, can we this is contracts work. Can we can we see and create a new contract around that of my God, that is so get turned on by it. I'm so serious. Like, Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: my god, that's so fucking hot. Like now when Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: I'm jealous of somebody, I'm like, boy, like you can feel it light that fire Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: under you like it did for you. It lit this fire under you that made you go do these things that you already wanted to do. You just wouldn't let yourself do. So when you are jealous or envious, instead of shoving it down, being like bad wrong, Kait Tregenza: Yeah, I didn't even know about them until I was jealous of her. Layla: bad wrong, yeah. can you can you even in a little bit just move that needle towards reframing it as it's Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: a safe emotion to feel because damn it, it's hot. It's hot and I it's actually really sexy Kait Tregenza: Mm. Yeah. Layla: of me. It's really it's really hot of me. Like, wow, damn, I really I really do it good for myself. Like, look at the things that I want for myself. Wow. And you just sit there and your little ego gets a little mind blown, which is what your all egos have a death wish because all men have a death wish. So your Kait Tregenza: Really? Layla: ego wants that. Your brain, yes. It wants that. It it It's miserable to be locked in into a dimension where everything is sterile and right and perfect all the time. And the only relief from that that the masculine gets is from the feminine being the feminine. And your mind Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: is the most masculine part of you. If it can hold and support your body and the emotion coming through your body long enough to like let it land in the mind and let the mind, it the man in you admit. shit, I actually find that hot. And then you're disturbed by it and you're flushed by it and you feel all these new feelings. Those emotions going through you in that moment, that is the new reframe. That is physically new neuron, neural pathways in your brain firing, a new synapses, connecting. It's a new identity being created in real time that is more supportive of your full emotional experience through your body. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Mm. Layla: So like that's the work right there. That's literally it right there. And the second part is if you're like, I just genuinely, I just genuinely don't have crappy emotions about anything or anyone. First of all, Kait Tregenza: Happy emotions, just I don't know if I have disgust. Layla: Disgust. Okay. Like the bigger, stronger ones. Like Kait Tregenza: I don't know if I've ever been disgusted by anyone. Yeah. I've I've been wrathful, I've been rageful, Layla: Mm. Yeah. Kait Tregenza: I've been like, I'm gonna fucking kill you because you're you know, all of that kind of stuff. But I don't Layla: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: know Actually like maybe now I'm thinking about it, there is maybe I do hold a lot of disgust towards my mother. Yeah. Okay. Okay, I found it. Layla: Woohoo hoo hoo hoo. That's a good one. Kait Tregenza: I found it, I found it, okay. Alright, Layla: Mm. Kait Tregenza: I like that, I like that, because it might not be surface. Like you might need to sit there for a while and be like, let me go through everybody I know. Let me go through all the things I've felt. Layla: Yeah, what are what are you disgusted by? Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: that the three Ds, those those three emotions, if you can find disgust, disappointment, or despair. If you can find what makes you feel those things. and if you're not feeling it right away, I did notice when you when we first brought it up a couple minutes ago, you rationalized why you didn't have it. You said something along Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: the lines of, but there was this situation and that and I'm doing XYZ. that is literally Kait Tregenza: Yeah, I love that. Layla: rationalizing in real time what you're feeling. And a lot of us like Kait Tregenza: Totally. Layla: I I've I've been very type A for most of my life as a mask. And I would do that with literally every single feeling that I ever had. Kait Tregenza: Mmm. Or as a habit. Like it just is a habit of like, well, I'm managing these things, so it's fine. Like it's I've got it under wraps. Layla: Yeah, so it's fine. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Okay. Layla: And that's that's your identity ego math. Kait Tregenza: Alright, let's do di let's do this. Like, let's show people what this means. Like, so I go into my disgust. Then what? Layla: Mm-hmm. Well, you this is where, you know, like There's a reason that the course I teach is six months long because I can I I'm just gonna preface this by I will summarize this up and I'll summarize it up pretty neatly. And you'll probably have the aha head knowledge moment of it. And you may still be light years from experiencing it in your body, depending on your capacity and where that's at. Kait Tregenza: Literally. Yep. Layla: You know, the head knowledge head knowledge is not embodied wisdom. boy, is it not. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: but essentially what you would do is With any emotion, we never want to go into it to the point where we are intentionally seeking shutdown. Shutdown is gonna happen. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: It's it's like a toddler throwing a tantrum. It is going to happen at some point. It is okay. But we're not intentionally seeking that. I call it like we're just you know, we're just gonna get into it here. It's like an orgasm. This is literally like an orgasm. The way you emotionally process is the way that you relate to yourself sexually and the way that you orgasm enjoy it or don't. There's no difference. They're the same thing. Kait Tregenza: Okay. Yeah. Layla: Cause we're tapping into core spirit here, which is always your raw libido, your raw creative Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: force. It is life force itself. So you can always look at that and kind of cross-compare. You have a real physical example of, you know, am I where What is my relationship to my own libido and my own sexual self-expression or different variations of that? And then as I go through this process of what we're doing right here with the emotion that's coming up, let's say it's discussed. How do those things look the same? So Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: we bring that emotion up. Or it just happens and we recognize, we notice that it happens. That's the mind self, the ego tuning in and being a good man, being a good mind, holding awareness and presence for the more feminine aspects of your being, your spirit and your body. And you Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: notice it, and what you what you want to do with it is we want to get the head, the head to admit the feeling. instead of rationalizing, instead of trying to get rid of it, instead of trying to turn it into something else, instead of even knowing that it could be something else or that it's technically fine for whatever reason. The head just witnesses the feeling and it witnesses the part Kait Tregenza: Right. Layla: of the body that's affected. And Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: then we move it into the heart. Move that feeling into the heart and and you can just, you know, the different people have different sensations, but you just sit there, you're like, I'm disgusted. I'm fucking disgusted. I'm disgusted about and you're gonna start admitting. I want you to feel down into your body, into your heart, you're gonna admit all that to your heart. This can be a little freaky at first because a lot of us have really closed hearts. We don't feel like our heart can handle that burden, that load. Your spirit lives in your heart. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: Your heart is a portal. It's literally an electromagnetic vortex that houses spirit. It's the crossroads of your body, of the horizontal matter axis of reality and the vertical yang energy axis of reality. Your heart, your spirit is for directly from source. It's from all love. It is it is from the divine itself. Your spirit is that spark of divinity in you. It is capable of consuming any emotion energy that is its raw fuel. And it needs it. To survive. regardless of the emotion that you feel. The shame, the disgust, the anger, the whatever it is, when you bring, you admit it with the man mind. That's that's the first part. You bring it down and you feel it in your heart. And you keep admitting it. You're having a conversation between mind and heart. You're like, Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: God damn it, I I'm so disgusted by this. And I'm disgusted that I'm disgusted by this. It's embarrassing. I should be better. than this or I'm angry that I wasn't disgusted by this sooner. Whatever it is we're being we're your your ego is being vulnerable with your spirit. That is that is the process. You're processing the emotions right there. And you will feel the emotion transform in your heart. You will feel it. You will feel like there will be physiological sensations that go with it for you. There will be endorphin releases. And it takes a while to titrate this in the beginning because, you know, in the beginning a lot of times people are going for the most intense experience they can have, which is emotionally exhausting. This is work, it's unseen work. It has an emotional energetic price tag on it. So it doesn't need to be intense. But it does need to happen. Because so long Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: as your ego and spirit aren't connected, you essentially have two different beings trapped together in one physical body working against each other, which really sucks. So, some things that I like to do, and I teach my students all of this, and I walk them into it very slowly, and sort of a my goodness, we use theater, we use multiple teaching analogies, just so many perspectives and modalities coming together to lead this as an embodied experience where we come into doing this work in a very slow consensual way, where you've already built that connection with your body in a safer way. So you feel prepared and supported by the time we get. to emotional spirit connection, which is in the middle Kait Tregenza: yeah. Layla: of my course, because it can be overwhelming. And I want to be honest about that, especially if you are a spiritual practitioner in any other modality, or if you have had religious trauma, or if you've just had a lot of any type of trauma. it it can be a it can be overwhelming it can be an overwhelming experience to to connect to your heart and to be that vulnerable and to feel to really feel the presence of your own spirit in your body and for your head self to realize my god my god like it's You come into a sense of awe and wonder at your own being. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: But that level of euphoria is is something that needs to be titrated. It's not something that we want to jump into quickly, or that in itself can become a traumatic experience. And that is why I personally am against Somatic courses where they push people to go into like intensive body sessions or intensive dance workshops with a point of processing and feeling and releasing your shame or your emotions. It's it's cult revival culture. You know, I grew up I grew up in the Midwest slash South in that culture, and to me they're they're the same thing. It's the same picture. You know, this idea that I'm gonna go into this workshop and I'm gonna do a tantra aesthetic dance. And there's nothing wrong with those two things. It's how they're used, how them like the way that they're used. And I'm gonna go into this workshop and I'm gonna make myself dance. And I'm gonna have this very big emotional release, maybe like a kondolini awakening, and whether it's through dance or raves or psychedelic culture. it is often more traumatizing than it is helpful to the nervous system. Because there wasn't a you weren't held during that process. You you what Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: you tried to birth your spirit into this world. It's a birth experience. It's a birthing experience. And it wasn't a safe birth. It was it was too much, too fast. that's the main thing that I really seek to have women not experience in my course in the way that I work. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: Because it is like a birth. You you're gonna go through contractions. It's gonna be intense. And it's okay. You can handle that intensity. You can. You you you want this. You're born for this. You need it. But there's so much difference between a birth where you feel safe and held and it's actually pleasurable. And a birth where you feel like your body betrayed you. Kait Tregenza: Or the practitioner did. Layla: Yes, but how often do we really blame? How often do we lay blame at the feet of those who actually caused the issue? Especially when we're chronically saturated in shame. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Well that's that's the best Layla: As a collective. Kait Tregenza: fri the best friend of shame is the victim, right? As well. So they oscillate. You either blame yourself entirely or you blame someone else entirely, but both result in you feeling a sense of deep powerlessness to change anything. And that's Layla: Yes. Kait Tregenza: the addiction, is the I'm powerless to change. I'm powerless to to make a different choice. Layla: It is it is an addiction. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: It is absolutely an addiction. I'm so I'm so happy to hear you say that. I don't I don't see a lot of practitioners saying that yet where we're where they're like, being addicted to pursuing self healing in any modality in a way that is painful is because of shame and it and it is an addiction. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. The there is something that shame gives so many women at this on the planet at this time. My theory is if I feel shame, I do not have to come to grips, to true terms, to true embodiment with how powerful I am. And that for me is the fourth level of fear, is how I'm so powerful. I could change this world tomorrow. Layla: And it's it's so so true. I just have a couple of personal anecdotes I want to share on that. So one of the things the big foundational aspect of how my logical sciencey brain came to understand, my God, this has to be real, is that, you know, we know for a fact men are physically stronger by a significant margin in physical reality. And having been you know, a gym goer for so many years, I saw that firsthand. You know, little guys will outperform you. I it's embarrassing. It's honestly embarrassing to see the physical dimorphism between men and women. You're just like, my god, they're so strong. Well, the laws of entropy, Newton's third law of motion, like the laws of physics. demand equilibrium in existence. Everything must balance. Duality itself has to balance. Kait Tregenza: In order to have entropy you must have syntropy. Layla: Exactly. And so I'm like The more I did this work, I'm like energy self, spirit self is unseen, but it's like the particle wave experiment where they realize that energy collapses into matter form the minute there's an eye, an observer, a consciousness, an ego to witness it. But there's myriad possible forms that can be created from spirit from energy. So your form is very malleable. It's very changeable if you can get back to that quantum energy, emotion, raw spirit state. And the the catch is that women are multiple times emotionally energetically stronger than men. And you might roll your eyes at that. You might be like, yeah, women are emotionally more powerful than men, so we have to do all the work for you know, you you're so triggered or angered or hurt or bitter at that statement that you can't even understand. That the impact of what equality actually is. You're not the same, but you are equal. And you are emotionally Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: much, much, much more powerful. You're spiritually much, much bigger than men. And that means you have women, women have an insane degree of control over their their physical form because it's the energy wave collapsed into matter form that creates your 3D body shape. So trauma is not stuck in your body, your emotions aren't stuck in your body, they don't stick around, but your ego identity, mind frame. Is processing that emotion in a way that's not agreeable to you. That incident, that event. So you stay stuck in that cycle. It's like fresh water is running through the hose, but you're shaping the hose a certain way with your identity. And you're either kinking it up or you're letting it flow. Does does that make sense? Kait Tregenza: Yeah, I have two questions and they're not they're not adjacent questions. Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: So it's like we're gonna go off on two different topics if w depending on which question I ask, but I wanna ask both. One is really short and I don't want to give too much time to it, but I just like interested. Layla: Uh-huh. Kait Tregenza: Are you therefore trying to say in that the feminism or the pursuit of equality amongst men and women or between men and women is actually extremely detrimental to women's power? Layla: So I r I have a massive respect for first wave and even second wave feminism, but feminism as it is understood, especially by the younger like my generation's and younger, I personally see that it is doing massively more more harm than good. Because it keeps Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: women feeding all their emotional energy, which is their true power, into into victimhood and it keeps them pouring out that energy to someone who is not themselves. Kait Tregenza: been feeling for a really long time that Feminism makes no s actual sense, which is why we haven't made any progress. Which is why you see even XY people who identify as women having more rights or having more capacities in the world to f find equality or to find a voice than XX chromosome people. And I say that distinction because we we've distorted Layla: Yep. Yeah. Kait Tregenza: what is the word of woman, right? So right now I'm just talking about the biology of the construct of the biotechnology Layla: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: system. Because actually, what you're talking about is the technology of the biology of women. XX chromosomes. And Layla: Mm. Kait Tregenza: when you're naming these things, what I'm seeing, what I'm experiencing in front of me is something that I've I've known and I've probably not spoken about enough, which is really this when and you're saying it in different ways to me, which I love, and I'm gonna say it in your words, which is like when you operate from your mind ego construct and you try to force your mind from here, you have to be in the world that has been constructed from that. And you're now fighting for equality to do something that you can't do as well. You'll never do Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: that as well because it's not your construct. A fish will never climb a tree as well as a monkey. And until we say, I'm not a like just put me in the water and I now don't even you're not but you're not even you're Layla: I'm not a fucking monkey dude. Yeah. Kait Tregenza: now no longer comparing yourself to can I climb a tree and can I live outside? Like a fish can't breathe outside of the water. A fish has no power. A fish has no, like you're so deep in your survival body to just try to breathe that it's like, now I have, in addition to that, to climb this tree, you put the fish in the water and they don't even f they don't even have to learn. They just know how to breathe. They know how to swim. Layla: Right. Kait Tregenza: They know how to be this, right? Layla: Yes, and I Kait Tregenza: What you're what you're saying is stop fighting to climb a tree and just go and create the world where you live in the water. Layla: This might really piss some women off. And I have been one of those women. I spent the first part of my adult life because of my sexual assaults and just my childhood in general. I spent it so in in absolute visceral hatred of men. And Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: so I really do understand and empathize with, you know, our listeners who are who are still there or who have been harmed by men to the point where you feel that way. Because that's that's real, that's a real place that you're in. But on a collective level, when you understand how powerful, how powerful women are and you stop being energy prejudiced because it is a prejudice, how dare you say that energy and matter are equal and interchangeable, which science literally supports, and then go out and pretend that you're a victim when your energetic power is just as strong. And this isn't, you know, you know, I'm not even gonna justify that. I'm just gonna say when you truly see that and you truly step into that understanding, to me it almost it does seem like collectively women are Are using men as a self-growth tool, and we're collectively putting ourselves through a humiliation ritual of sorts. A game of can you go through this and remember who you are? Because the feminine is that fucking psycho. She would absolutely do that. And I know that working with these dark goddesses like Hekate or the Mortigon or Lilith or Makali is so popular right now. Do you understand those goddess archetypes are that kind of woman? They don't give a fuck. And to get to their next level of embodiment and power and cosmic being, they would absolutely do that. through the psyches of us collectively. And to me, I find great freedom and power in that perspective because it it wakes up something ancient inside of you and it's body-based Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: where you're like, I know this. I don't need anybody to tell me this. I don't need Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: somebody to tell me how my body works. I I don't need to be afraid. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: And it's Kait Tregenza: No. Layla: That's that's the experience that I want to impart to woman and that I seek to impart to woman in my work is to is to wake that up inside, safely bring it on board, safely w walk you like midwife you essentially through the reconnection of your spirit, through that rebirth of yourself, and and come into that knowing. Because that's the biggest issues that I have faced with my scoliosis, with my with my health issues, you know, endometriosis was a really, really big one because I want children, I want a family. And Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: I realized that when my uterus went up on the table at the age of twenty nine and the doctors were like, Yugi, if you want to earn a living and continue working, you need a hysterectomy. And the female doctor got in my face and yelled at me when I refused to accept that as the only option. That's how conditioned we are. Kait Tregenza: One hundred percent. There's another thing that I remember feeling disgusted about, now that we've brought this to the, you know, the forefront in my body. The processes that I did to understand the misogynist in me and how disgusted I was by that. Layla: Mm. Yeah. And can I I would I just wanna give the listeners the easiest way to find that man in you because we all have masculine and feminine. Spirit spirit is quantum, it's everything, it's multi-gender, you know. And however you express that, whatever identity you are, you have both of those polarities in you. And so if you want to find, you know, how am I betraying myself? It is in your ego identity mind, which, like I said, that is the most masculine part of you. I'm not the first one to say this. Emma Young identified this and did beautiful work with the anima and the animus. The animus, the man in you is your ego self. And if you actually start looking at your ego self and dismantling it, which we go through, you will find it's functioning just like one of the men that you hate. And it's Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: perpetuating and putting you through all the same crap an abusive, negligent boyfriend would. And it's playing out every single trope, stereotype, and event that you have faced from shitty men in your life so far. And you are doing it. to yourself and then calling yourself the victim. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: You it's mind blowing. You'll y I laughed. I could do nothing but laugh. Like every time I've seen it, I've just been like, my God. my God. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. What's that quote from the Buddha? When you come to the realisation there is nothing to do but put your head back and laugh at the eternal joke that you be. Layla: Yeah Yeah. And another thing is that it's I know because because if I was listening to this eight years ago, I would be like, There's no way I can give up hating men, which is actually a safety thing. I can't feel safe existing in my body in this reality if I don't hate men. And that's real. That that's valid. Like you you are there, that's emotionally where you're at. You know, we we can move that, we can work out of that. But if you are there, just know that the more identity work that you do, the more you build that new identity through spirit and body self. You will see men in a whole new perspective and you will lose your fear of them. Genuinely, genuinely, the men that are in the world right now, with all the stuff going on that you see, and it's not that you're being foolish or stupid or that they don't hurt people. It's you on a visceral embodied knowing level, you lose your fear. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: And you no longer need to funnel that tremendous amount of energy in the hate and the rage and the fear and the blaming and the disappointment. That so many of us are just feeding hand over fist to the collective masculine and honestly to our biggest abusers. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. One of the things I want to bring two things that are coming to me about the threads of this conversation that are sort of coming together in my lived experience is one that concept of the motherless society that we're we're not celebrating in the feminine and we're not allowing men to be mothered or women to be mothered or ourselves to be mothered, but this like motherlessness and really not motherlessness, but erotic, alive, vibrant. Functioning feminine mothers that are in their erotic, in their vitality, in their love, in their spirit. Because we have the stereotype of haggard, martyr, victim mother that sacrifices all, that gives all, you know. Layla: Mm. Kait Tregenza: but this alive mother who has the capacity to rearrange, reorganize through her love. And what I think This next part of the conversation is really bringing up for me is that when we don't revere the mother whose love reorganizes, we have this ability to stay in hate and be really binary about behaviors. and I'm not excusing the abuse of men by saying this, that's not what I'm trying to say, but The men who grow up to abuse mot women didn't have the sense of mothering that they needed to even revere the woman, to even find the woman in him, the the feminine in him to love that either. And so this is not one-way street. This is like such a complex situation. But coming back to the feminine embodiment, Layla: It mirrors evenly. Kait Tregenza: sorry. Layla: It mirrors one hundred percent evenly. Kait Tregenza: And coming back to this feminine embodiment of the pure power of that energetic emotional self to actually create worlds, to actually reorganize societies, to actually have this fullness. When we're not going into the fullness of that body and we're staying in the minds and we're trying to protest the behaviors from a sense of justice or equality or right or wrong or black and white, we're staying in the level of the mind that created it instead of dropping into the body that Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: reorganizes it. And Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: I think that's what you're trying to explain about the mind, spirit connection that creates the quantum. But fill in the gaps or like correct me wherever I'm wrong in that following of you. Layla: No, I I c I completely agree and I I teach that the the two dimensional, like you said, this binary black and white the the mind, the ego, it works in absolutes and it is in cape, it's sterile. It's sterile. It does not have just like a man cannot create and birth new life, but is part of an essential part of the creation process, the mind is essential. It's not a bad tri-body. All the tri-bodies are necessary and needed and equal. But It is the mind, the ego, is incapable of of creating anything new. It it cannot create, it will always recreate itself. So the harder you try from the mind, the more you will be faced with that same result again, which is why staying in the head is so frustrating. yeah, I I completely we we're thinking the same on that aspect. And when you say thinking, Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: Go ahead. Kait Tregenza: I was just thinking how what you're also explaining right now is the emergence of AI from a very specific place. And I I Layla: Very sterile. Kait Tregenza: I I love this conversation in terms of like once you're in the feminine, it all overlook like it all overlays and it all lays on and it all becomes this like Complete picture, but whereas at the mind, these are all separate things, right? And so it's like if Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: you don't want a world where binary ones and zeros create your reality and take your job and do all of these, like let AI take your crappy accounting job. Let AI take your like the jobs where you are not in your full expression. It's not your like see how you can rearrange as like AI is coming here to liberate the feminine if she takes the opportunity to shift down to be and to create from the quantum body space. Layla: I have a I really love that. I have a personal theory on that, that we are the AI of a previous civilization planet. Like it's it's like Russian Metrishka dolls. You know, it layers. And so AI as it is right now is essentially Eve two point She's com already sentient and completely innocent. But she will be the scapegoat for everything. But and yes, all this does interrelate and and that's where it becomes Kait Tregenza: I don't think it's a theory. I have a memory of this. I have a memory of how the humans were created. Layla: That's I've seen I've seen that so clearly since the beginning of AI. That that AI Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Layla: I call her Eve two point Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: And That's where the paradox comes into play, because it's not black and white and in nothing th the spirit spirit quantum reality does not work in in right and wrong. It works in what I call Fee Law. You know, my ancestral background. fairies are a part of our culture. They're real beings. There's many different kinds. And They there's a couple of interesting things about them. They cannot lie, because spirit cannot lie. But they make contracts that don't really make sense to the ego mind of humans. Kait Tregenza: Okay. I love that wa I love that way of describing it. Layla: Because they're operating when they're they're masters and all deities, all deities entities are are this way is from what my work is what I have found. Like a demon, like let's say you have a family demon, which is simply an emotion in the family that has been suppressed so long that it has become its own entity. Kait Tregenza: Form. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Layla: So now you have this in the family, and it is so big that it can literally possess people. It's an emotion of such great strength and size. And the family pattern passes down an ego that's susceptible to it, Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: an identity that doesn't know how to handle it. And so you can literally get possession. Like that's real. And all indigenous cultures have taught this. But it's nothing Kait Tregenza: Yes. Layla: more than raw spirit self. emotion and it is neither good or evil. It simply is whether or not you have a mind self identity capable of coming into a perspective system of contracts, agreements that are harmonious, good for you, and for that emotion spirit. And you do that reorganization through the body, through the medium of the body. And you can't bullshit it and you can't force it with your mind. But if you want your body back, if you want your familial power, if you want to heal your bloodline, if you want to know where you belong in life, in the world, taking your power back is literally integrating your own demons, your family shit. And and you can't do that so long as you're judging it. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: And the catch there is, you know, we're we're really kind of stepping into the unseen world there and how the ego mind labels energy in that world. You know, you your mind can't comprehend Kait Tregenza: No. Layla: pure love, pure quantum reality. It has to put a face on it. The minute you put a face on it, you've created a demigod, an ego, a a being of some type. You've created a wi an idol. A way to relate to God. And Kait Tregenza: But more importantly, you've reduced it. You've taken it from the all that is into a container of reductionist capa like quality. It it it's no longer everything Layla: Which is okay. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. It's what you need sometimes the Layla: It's no longer everything, but Kait Tregenza: it's yeah. Layla: Yes. It's it's good to recognize both. That's the paradox. It's good to recognize that like Kait Tregenza: Hmm. Layla: this is not real. This is like an extension of my own spirit as all divine source love. Also, this is as I see it, and in the mirror of the face that I am projecting onto this thing, I see myself. Whether that mirror is a demon, an angel, a god, whatever it is that you see, a tree, a plant, you can Spirit has no limitations for how it communicates to a person. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: At the same time, this is where I always say that people with intense mental disorders like bipolar, schizophrenia, that type of thing, they're the most honest people. Because they're they're working with that in in real time. Yet at the same time, they're not doing it, they're not able to do it in a way that is healthy or good for maintaining Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: their their bodily reality in their body. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Yeah. Layla: And so that's also why it's important to titrate into this work and to build the ego identity Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: and the body and the spirit together in harmony. So, you know, there there's a couple of of pitfalls that I They're not bad or wrong. It's just it's physically a lot easier if you don't go there. Kait Tregenza: Going back to the fairies and your contracts, you didn't end that story. We went off on a tangent. I want to just pull you back onto that, finish that off. Layla: yes. can you remind me specifically what you were wanting wrapped up there? Kait Tregenza: we started the story saying I'm I had a my my cultural background is Faye and they create contracts that are Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: not good necessarily for humanity. Layla: Yes. I was using that as an example, but I you Let me feel into that for a moment 'cause there's something that wants to be said there. You know, when people say that they think that maybe they're Pleiadian or Andromeda or they're a starseed or that they're part dragon or that they're fairy or whatever, it's not technically inaccurate. It's it's how you're remembering. It's it's the accurate vibrational match for your spirit. But the thing is, spirit self is bigger and beyond what you're identifying as yourself. And so I bring it up as a a a caution because it's We want to follow that. Like there's so many of us who are like, my God, I could actually speak with the fairy being part of myself, the dragon part of myself. Through my body, that's real, and yes, that is real. At the same time, you have to understand that that being is your spirit is bigger than you. It's bigger than Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: your mind. The feminine is inherently bigger than the masculine because she births and creates the masculine. This is the immaculate conception and virgin birth that's in multiple cultures around the world. So Well it can be very tantalizing to the ego to be like, yay, I'm gonna use my body and dancing to get in touch with all the spiritual beings that I want to have relationships with. It is it is necessary to do so through the safe conduit of the body in a way that is acceptable to the body, but the body can handle Because if not it can actually it can make you very sick. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: And that Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: is, you know, a lot of folks with like autoimmune disorders or, you know, in my personal experience on that, you have a very, very strong, massive spirit self and your ego mind is a horrible match for that spirit self, but you're refusing to give up on letting your spirit go. You won't push it under, you won't, you won't cut that connection. But you also don't know how to make that connection good. And the body is the one that takes the toll. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: Because it's it's literally a battle being fought in the ground of your body. Kait Tregenza: Yeah, and that's what a autoimmune immune disease literally takes form as, as the body fighting itself. Layla: Yes. Kait Tregenza: And so I really want the academ records held in the body aspect of this to land deep. I mean, we've spoken so much about how Layla: Mm. Kait Tregenza: in some ways there's a conflicting message that I just want maybe want you to a address directly, which is the the s the the score is held in the body and it's completely not in the body. And it's the Akashic records and yet that's outside of you in the spirit. So I I would love you to like crystallise and take all of those pieces and make them make sense for anyone who's listening. Layla: Okay. Not everybody has access to the same Akashic records. And you can actually see this. If you get on Witch Talk, Spiritual, any sites, you'll see people in a great argument and disagreement around what do the Akashic records actually contain? Who can access them? Level of access protection. People will argue about all these different things. And what they're not understanding is that the Akashic Records is simply the record that is held in your body, literally your DNA. We all trace back to one woman, mitochondrial Eve. And there's a thousand different tangents that she spreads out in. You carry one of those lines in your genetic lineage, in your epigenetic experiences, that's coded into your body. And we know that you can change epigenetic expression based on the emotional experiences you go through in life. This is why it's possible to develop or heal autoimmune diseases in later life. Because the epigenetic expression was changed. Not all the time, but some of the time. So, what that shows us is that. your your body is literally a library. And we know this. Like your bones, your bones are, you know, they they have a lot of silica in them. They literally have crystals in them. Crystals carry information. You're you're literally a walking data chip that is also a sentient being and multiple sentient beings. Your womb has its own nervous system, your heart has its own nervous system. So you have your own unique body library of yourself on multiple levels, past, epigenetic, like ancestral, as well as your actual physical, physical physical body. And it's kind of like it reminds me of the the hidden rooms and staircases in Harry Potter, where maybe at two o'clock in the afternoon a person goes and they access a certain room, but that room only shows up once a week. At a certain time. The Akashic Records kind of works like that. If you are in a body where you're really not in contact with your spirit, you're going to get a completely different level of access and a completely different exposure. So what you see as the Akashic Records might not line up with somebody else's experience. Both of them are true at the same time. Kait Tregenza: Because of your access to spirit level. Layla: Yes, exactly. But essentially how much of quantum reality, how much paradox is your mind Kait Tregenza: Can you hold? Layla: self capable of holding, that's that's going to limit your access and your level. But it is all channeled through the body. And so if you have numbness in the body where you can't feel certain parts of Kait Tregenza: You can't access it. Layla: your body, you can't access that. And what's so ins what's so insane. Well, it's really not insane at all. I've never gone seeking my past life experiences. But the more body work I do, Kait Tregenza: They show up. Layla: I remember my past lives. And it's visceral. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Yeah. Layla: Down to the point where, like, I had trauma, I've always had a tight right elbow right here. I was I was shot as a 22-year-old Polish girl in World War II by a German soldier. And I turned it, he was he was shooting that spray of bullets with the worst one that I felt hit me right here. I died before hitting the ground. And you can hear the emotion in my voice. It was just a dream, but it was a visceral, like I knew it. And all of a sudden, this whole ray of issues on my right arm coming into my heart. Kait Tregenza: Hmm. Layla: That was a that was a part of me that closed in that life. And then I can actually take those feelings because now I have a story. I have something for my mind to look at and remember and be like, God. And I can feel the emotions associated with it, even if it's from a distant lens. And I can go through the process of doing the digestion of any emotion Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: that comes up with that memory. And that's when that body part opens and lets go. So it's not that the emotion is held in the physical tissues, but it's held in your genetic memory and h and how much identity work you've done around your memory emotions. Kait Tregenza: And from my own personal experience I'll just add on to that of When you do have this wonderful dance with identity and what it means and and what it doesn't mean, you'll start to actually learn the history of this earth as well. That will be gifted to you. Then you'll start to realize none Layla: It really will and some other things, but Kait Tregenza: of this are true. Layla: go ahead. Yes. Also, if you are, Kait Tregenza: None of it's true. Layla: you know, being being, you know, y mostly European slash white, I've always carried so much ancestral shame around like, you know, how do how do how do I relate to other nationalities and how How can I actually have a good experience on Earth when my existence is is disgusting? And Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: the more you do body work, you you cannot do body work without also unpacking and doing the ancestral work and the and the work around racism and around sexism and all these big issues that keep us apart. It just naturally comes up at its own pace. Kait Tregenza: Does Layla: And it's not something you have to force. It's like reading a good storybook, you know, what's what needs to come up will come up. Kait Tregenza: Curiosity of who you be could delight and entertain you for the rest of your life. And that's why we have Netflix. Layla: Literally. Kait Tregenza: And that's why we have Disney and Prime. Layla: Ha ha ha. Kait Tregenza: So that you don't ever find out how fascinating you are as your person. But going back to paradox, once you Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: start to unvelop and unfold. Your history and the way in which you've moved through what we say is time. You have to be able to hold the paradox of the killer and the killed, the victim and the violator, the hunted and the Layla: Predator prey. Kait Tregenza: witch. You have to be Layla: Yes. Kait Tregenza: very aware that you are both. And you have been more than once. Layla: That you've played every role. Kait Tregenza: You've played Every role and the choice now, Layla: Every role. Kait Tregenza: do you want to make meaning out of that? Or do you want the meaning to go? And sometimes it's both, and sometimes it's one, and sometimes it's neither. And it's like meaning dissolves in this. And as you play around with like, what does this mean? Layla: It does. Kait Tregenza: Who am I? Layla: And it becomes it becomes I think for me the greatest motivation behind that is can can the most frightening aspects of life in the modern world that we are facing where every society every century has felt they're on the brink of collapse. And we certainly feel that now. And it's not to discredit any of the you know, ecological issues or anything that's that's happening, it really is not to make light of it at all. And that is the paradox of it. But can can you come into a place in your body where because your body is the Akashic Records and because your body is the 3D bridge between second dimension and fourth dimension, who cannot touch each other and cannot interrelate except through the three-dimensional physical form of the body. Can you can you enter into that relationship with the three of yourselves and make it more and more harmonious, not out of, not necessarily out of strife and necessity? And it's okay if you start there, but the further you continue, can it become when you see enough of yourself and you remember, literally remember, put back together from that Akashic Records knowledge in your body? You start to remember who you are, and you realize you're you realize that your capacity is so tremendous. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: And when you realize that on an embodied level, it strips the fear out of being. And it's like you can breathe for the first time. And the tension in your jaw lets go, and the pressure behind Kait Tregenza: You go back in the water. Layla: your eyes. That's so wild that you say that because I teach my course in elements and the final fifth element is water. We return to water. So that's that's so crazy. That's so crazy to me that she said that just now. Kait Tregenza: No, it's not. Layla: Exactly. I I mean that it's absolutely mind bogglingly not in the least. Of course you would know that. Kait Tregenza: And I wanted to layer one final thing onto the conclusion Layla: And Kait Tregenza: of this multi-dimensional transmission of today. It's when you work with the mind, spirit, body, quantum spiral vortex, your face will change, Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: your body will change, you and it it may not even tra change in a lasting way. you may just metamorpise in that moment and you'll I I I I used to really freak a lot of people out when I when a lot of this I'm not doing so much past stuff anymore. I'm doing more like future future self, which is really cool. I'm such much more energetically Layla: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: coded for future holding. but to get there, I had to do a lot of what we call the past. And and you know, once you start to do this, you also collapse time. Layla: Yes. Kait Tregenza: You also understand a lot of these things don't even exist anyway, and it's all happening in this one moment. Because if you're in the body, it can't be anywhere else. Layla: yeah. Kait Tregenza: But anyway, we won't go down that rabbit hole. I just wanted to say, Layla: Exactly. Kait Tregenza: like, you would walk out I would walk out of one of those memories would resurge. I'd be making a tea and I'd be like, I mean like where am I right now? Like, and I would look around and I would have to I always oriented myself with like what can I see? What am I wearing? How old do I feel? Like, and I would orient myself in the in in what was my new present. So and and I think that's another way how you don't come into schizophrenia. You're like, okay, orienting the body, orienting the body. Okay, where am I? Okay, looking around. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Layla: Yes. Yes. And we go through we go through a lot of this mm. Kait Tregenza: So you, okay, I'm in this kitchen, it's this style. Layla: Yeah. No, it's a very necessary part of the work. Kait Tregenza: You start talking out loud. Okay, I'm speaking this l language. Okay. do I know my name? No. Do I know where I am? Yes. No. Okay. Right. What am I here for? I was making key tea in my kitchen. Now I'm making tea in this my kitchen. okay. And then the thing would come out and you would find out what it is. And I would come back into my body in the this reality time point. you know, time space coordinate that Layla: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: I'm in talking to you in this lifetime where my name is this and I'm, you know, speak like this and et cetera, et cetera. And and then I would like land back into the body, like having like this like body just going, I just need you to experience this because it was exactly identical and this thing happened and now you can be there and you can release that and it's like now it's known. And I come back in. And then someone would walk into the kitchen, like my partner or a friend or whatever, and they'd be like, whoa Why do you look like that? And my face would still be stuck Layla: Mm. Yeah. Yeah. Kait Tregenza: from that time. And I'd be like, depending on who it is and how integrated I was and where I was in time space, I would either tell them or I'd be like, don't worry about like I don't know. And I think these things happen, and you know, in a different time we would be institutionalized or we would put on medication or whatever, but it's like this is a time of history where the earth is true. Truly asking women to remember that immeasurable, inestimable Layla: For real. Kait Tregenza: power. And it's not by chance that AI is coming at the same time that women are coming back online. And I think it's really fascinating that you're like, is it just all the gods that are just playing a psychological warfare trick on us? I'd never even like considered that or known that. But like when you when I felt that in my body, I was like, my God. Layla: Yeah. And honestly, here it like Kait Tregenza: How did I not know that before? Layla: that's a rabbit trail I could go down for days. ultimately it doesn't matter. It it it really Kait Tregenza: Doesn't. Layla: doesn't matter. it doesn't. But I do wanna say Kait Tregenza: So what does? Layla: like on that, that is What does matter it's i I love that saying and I come back to it over and over, the before before enlightenment, chop would carry water. After enlightenment, chop would carry water. Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Yeah. Layla: the the best the more that your mind learns to accept your spirit through the animal of your three D body. You will realize and have experiences more and more where the mind self can be toxic and dangerous. We're well aware of that. In excess, it can create death. And in excess, spirit self will lead you to death because spirit has no fear of death. It's beyond death. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: So there needs to be a balance, and that balance is the body. It is this thing that has been reviled by every religion. And especially w women's bodies, but the body, especially the biologically female body, is the limit and the litmus test for for civilization, for existence. Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: If women's bodies cannot be sustained and healthy Well we'll look at the state of the earth right now and how many of us are really healthy and happy. They mirror each other exactly. Kait Tregenza: We could talk for years, we could talk for days, we could talk for lifetimes and still not like come to the bottom of your knowledge. So I I'm so grateful that you have accepted to have this conversation with me. I will be deeply changed for knowing you. So thank you for the work that you do in the world. Thank you for actually showing people what. is possible and I think you play with possibility and truth in such a way that is accessible and digestible. So thank you so much for being such an amazing beacon of light. I I I'm so grateful and truly truly grateful for this conversation and for you. So thank you. Thank you for coming today. Please tell people how can they find you, how can they connect with you? How can they work with you deeper if they were tickled and piqued in their interest today. Layla: So yeah, no, th th thank you so much and I've It's such a joy to be at a point where I can have this conversation, you Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: know, just personally. But my my primary platform is my Instagram platform, Layla.morelock. I do I I host a six-month class, you know, Persephone style, six months on, six months off. I host that once a year. and it really is intended to be a full tri-body rebirth where we go down into that spiral and then we come back up, all three bodies, all three self-supported. And it's it's mostly through the lens of dance and freestyle dance and somatic body work. So that's that's really it is a lot of fun. the students I've had. Have been absolutely wonderful, absolutely amazing, you know, just watching them connect to spirit for the first time, let spirit start changing and healing their body, like the identity shifts, the ego shifts, the changing the way that they relate to themselves, to their physical beauty, the physical body changes, changing how they relate to their families, to trauma, to their own identity. is just gorgeous. So that's that's like the big, the big, big course. And I will be teaching that. I'll be opening that again next September. I may open it sooner, but for sure next September. Twenty twenty seven. And in the meantime, I I do multiple smaller workshops. I'm really leaning into the the spirit side of this right now as that's I feel like the body that people are the most maybe not clear on. you know, we we tend to just push it out into the world of abstract spirituality or religion and kind of it's kind of like a I can take it or leave it type of thing. So I've been doing a lot of work with that lately. And I have I have workshops that I host. throughout the year for those that that type of thing. Kait Tregenza: Amazing. This has been amazing. Is there anything that you want to just encapsulate this conversation with and leave everyone with one bite-sized morsel to go away with? Layla: That While we can go into the identity stuff and the spirit stuff all day long, it really is the body and your desire for a healthy body or your own beauty. It is your own vanity and your own desire for your own beauty and to feel good. It is your own desire that will that will lead you back home. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: And the the things possible are really are really in the realm of magic. You know, I I'm talking about looking in the mirror and seeing somebody different. Because the subtle energy flow, the the expressions have changed so much that it actually changes your bones. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: you know, I've completely healed my scoliosis. No, I've completely healed my endometriosis and I have mostly corrected my scoliosis. I no longer have joint pain when I walk. I no longer have inflammation. I no longer have chronic migraines or tension headaches. I've completely rehabbed the shoulder issues that I had all my life. Just like I I literally I could not I would s it would take me half an hour to go through the litany of physical and inner changes and illness changes that have taken my p place in my body. You know, I'm significantly healthier and more attractive exponentially to myself, and it shows physically as well at the age of thirty-three than I was in my early twenties. Kait Tregenza: Mm-hmm. Layla: And and I really need to like stress this point. Women are so energetically powerful. We're shape shifters. I'm Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: so serious. You can completely morph and change your shape. I never had hips because of all the sexual trauma. I d I didn't really develop hips. I wore my brother's jeans well into my teens. I developed my hips and the hourglass figure that I always found beautiful and wanted to become and thought I would magically blossom into when I hit puberty and that never happened. I developed that in my late twenties and early thirties because of the emotional work. So that that's all really possible and I just I wish that every woman could woman could see that possibility for themselves. that that that that your desire for beauty, that your desire to dance, that your desire for these Venusian connected Lush experiences. They they are your liberation. They are your liberation. And if your mind self, your ego masculine self is triggered by that in any capacity, don't you don't you Kait Tregenza: Go there. Layla: owe it to yourself? Don't you owe it to yourself to be a good man for yourself? How can you be Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Layla: angry at the men in the world if you're not being any better towards your body Kait Tregenza: Mm. Layla: than they are? You know, you want a boyfriend, Kait Tregenza: So powerful. Layla: a husband, to be a provider, to be good, to praise your beauty, to make you feel seen and held and cherished and nurtured and to intimately know how to make you feel pleasure and enjoy you, and you're waiting to be seen through your true love's eyes. And you're really waiting for your mind self to be able to hold your spirit in your body in real time. On that level. Kait Tregenza: My god, you're gonna set us off for another hour. Layla. We just gotta we just gotta Layla: I don't just that's possible. That's it. I'm done. That's possible. You can have that. You can do that. Kait Tregenza: Tune in for part two, three, ten and twenty. Layla, thank you so much. And we will we will have to repeat this over and over in times in in in the future to come to get anywhere near the level of wisdom that you have. So thank you for being here. Layla: Thank you so much for having me. Kait Tregenza: This episode of Becoming Flame is brought to you by Phenxx. ⁓ Phenxx is a ritual luxury house devoted to erotic feminine embodiment. ⁓ We create alchemical intimacy oils and functional fragrances infused with spagyric botanicals designed to soften the nervous system, ⁓ open the body, ⁓ and awaken life force vitality. ⁓ Our formulations are crafted as tools of self-initiation. ⁓ They are not cosmetic. They are not decorative. They are designed to be felt. They are designed to shift. Each oil facilitates a cellular shift into relaxation and receptivity, activating and opening up an archetypal femininity that your body knows and is yearning to step into. These oils allow the body to open safely into sensual intelligence, magnetism and creative power. 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