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Why you SHOULD NOT take back your narcissistic ex · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about why you shouldn't take
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  back your narcissistic partner. Toxic partner.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, I know. So let me go ahead and get this
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  out of the way because I know what people are going to say.
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  I just like if you've watched me for any amount of time or if you
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  even if you're new here, you'll be like, well, Lee, you're a
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  diagnosed narcissist. Your wife came back, your wife
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  took you back, gave you another chance.
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  So why would you should we listen to you?
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  Why should we just follow your footsteps to take, to take, to
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  take the lead and go back to our toxic line beating ass beating
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  narcissistic partner. Why shouldn't we?
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  Why what? What makes you so different?
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  First of all, I've been in psychotherapy for seven years,
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  seven years, right? And the reason I tell most
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  people to not take back your narcissistic person is because
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  that narcissistic person, narcissist hasn't changed.
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  They haven't changed believe they told me they were going to
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  go to therapy. They told you they were going to
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  go to therapy If they if they say if I take them back, they
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  promised they wouldn't do it again.
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  They promised they would change. They promised they would work on
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  themselves or go pray or pray more or find God or read the
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  Bible and go talk to the pastor or go talk to the lady, whatever
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  it takes. They said they would do whatever
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  it takes for me if to get me back.
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  Why didn't they do that before? You don't, you don't know what
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  you have until you lost it though, Lee, They knew what they
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  had. They just didn't ever think that
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  they were going to lose it. They thought that you were
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  always going to be there. They thought that you were
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  always going to be there to put up with the BS, to tolerate
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  their behaviors and to give them they, they thought you going to
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  be there until they got tired of you, until they got the
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  opportunity to discard you. Because I'll, I'll tell you all
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  this right now. One of the main reasons that a
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  narcissist wants you back, if you left them, if you, if you're
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  the one who left, one of the main reasons is so they can
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  leave you. It's so they can have that.
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  They it's like a, it's like a ego check.
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  It's like to help protect their fragile egos.
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  They want to have to say, be able to say to themselves and to
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  say to other people, I'm the one who broke up with you.
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  I'm the one who left them. They weren't good enough for me,
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  even though they might be saying that already, but they know they
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  internally, they know it's a lie, right?
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  So they wanted to be the truth narcissist.
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  The crazy thing about this narcissist, they will lie to
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  everybody else, but you know, they hate lying to themselves.
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  So it's crazy like that, you know, it's a lie.
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  Repeating it over and over again, knowing that I got broken
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  up with, knowing that you left me is a crazy feeling.
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  It makes you feel crazy on the inside.
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  It makes your mind kind of go wild and makes you kind of feel
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  stupid at the same time. But This is why I tell people
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  we're dealing with a toxic narcissistic person that a lot
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  of times they just want you to take them back so they can be
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  the ones who said that they broke up with you.
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  It's a petty, narcissistic thing to do.
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  Yes, it absolutely is. Well, damn, Lee, I want you to
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  told me this seven months ago before I took them back.
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  Yeah, I know. I I get it.
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  I understand that right there. But a lot of times this is what
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  goes on. This is this is what comes with
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  the territory and what not. It absolutely is.
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  So I'm telling you right now when you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person, that's one of the main reasons
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  that they want you back because they want to be the one to hurt
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  you. They want to pay.
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  They want to inflict that pain of rejection, of being rejected,
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  that abandonment wound that you open up.
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  They want like you, like you rip the stitches off of their
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  abandonment wounds. So they want, they want to hurt
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  you. They want to get you back.
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  How dare you abandon me, regardless of what I did to you.
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  How dare you make me feel abandoned here.
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  How dare you leave me. How dare you try to hold me
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  accountable. So some of them want you, want
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  to get you want to come back to your life just to be the ones
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  that left you. And if, if this is true, if this
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  happened to you before, so people can see that I'm telling
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  the truth, put in the comment section.
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  So Yep, I took them back, they broke with me.
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  I took them back, I broke with them first I took them back,
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  then they then they broke with me.
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  Just drop it in the comment section.
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  Just leave. Leave a healing heart emoji like
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  the little healing heart. Just if you had an iPhone, type
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  in the word healing and the little heart with the bandage
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  will come up. Leave that emoji in the comment
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  section if that would happen to you and what not.
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  Because a lot of people it shows, just shows people that
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  will leave, leave. He he he he nobody talk about.
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  And that's why I say you shouldn't take them back because
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  a lot of them hold that resentment to the fact holding
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  their resentment to the fact that you left them.
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  So they want to hurt you back. They want to get that link back
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  and whatnot. So be very, very careful when
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  you're taking them back into your life.
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  If, if you so decide to, if you so decide to, because again, at
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  the end of the day, I can make as many videos as I can tell
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  you. You can see 1000 healing hearts
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  in the comment section. And that won't stop you from
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  going back. Sometimes you can look, I, I
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  would rather y'all not have to learn the hard way, because
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  sometimes, sometimes the hard way it it, it, you know, the
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  sometimes the easy path is the right path, right?
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  You know, learning the hard way. Sometimes you don't have to
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  learn the hard way. Y'all.
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  You can really, you can graduate from the school of narcissistic
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  abuse of a you can graduate from the, the, the school of
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  narcissistic toxic relationship dynamics with you know, by
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  taking, you know, narcissistic abuse one O one.
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  You don't have to get a doctorate in abuse.
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  You don't have to be abused if you consider yourself a
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  doctorate. You keep going back and forth,
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  so these videos will make help help shortcut to shortcut
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  shortcut the process or shortcut my French, but that happens but
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  also another reason you shouldn't take them back is
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  because, like I said, they haven't changed.
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  You know they still they are still the same person bully.
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  How do I know if I have if they haven't changed if I don't take
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  them back? If they, if you are still
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  talking to them, you boys, you should probably be no contact.
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  If you're still talking to them and they're telling you to take
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  them back with contingencies, if you take them back before they
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  make those changes, they feel like they don't need to make
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  those changes. Why would I like if you take me
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  back and I haven't made changes, why do I need to make those
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  changes? In my mind, I'm already good
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  enough for you, for you, for for you to take back.
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  So why would I change any other behaviors?
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  You already took me back. Why would I put the extra effort
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  in? I'm here, I can treat you good
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  for a little while, but I'm here now.
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  So why do I need to change anything else up?
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  So that's why I was just telling you what I like.
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  And also right here, ask yourself this question right
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  here. What other thing, and I've said
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  this before, what other thing have they been consistent with
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  inside of your relationship? What have they been consistent
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  with within your relationship? Consistent with other than, like
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  I said, other than consistently treating you badly, what else
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  have they been consistent with inside of that relationship or
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  before you knew them as a friend, as a parent, as a
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  brother or sister, whoever they are in your life?
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  Doesn't have to be an intimate relationship.
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  Like it doesn't have to be a boyfriend, girlfriend, your
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  husband and wife. What have they been consistent
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  with in your life? You know what I mean?
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  What have to be consistent with in their life?
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  Other than being consistently abusive, consistently toxic,
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  consistently manipulative, a consistent liar, What have they
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  been consistent with? Because if you ask my wife and
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  she's she's done lives on my YouTube channel before.
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  If you ask her she will tell you.
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  She will legitimately tell you that before I went to therapy,
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  every time I told her I was going to make a change in my
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  life with something, I did it. I followed through.
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  I was consistent. Hey babe, I know I'm 27 years
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  old right now, but I feel like I need to go back to college and
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  get my degree. Yes, I know I work first shift.
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  Yes, I know I have to start part time.
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  Yes, I know we have kids, but I'm going to go back to school
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  and get my degree. I will make the school got my
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  degree. Hey, I'm going to go do this.
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  I will. I started doing that.
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  Hey, I'm going to lose. I'm going to lose weight.
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  Hey, I did that. I was consistent with so many
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  other things in my life, right? Hey babe, I'm going to do this
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  for you. I was consistent with doing
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  things for her. So when I told her I'm going to
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  go to therapy and I'm going to stick with it, I was consistent
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  with my therapy. The only time that she, when she
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  took, when she, when she came back home the first time, she
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  only left again back in 2020 when I wasn't consistent with
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  therapy. I missed like four or five
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  therapy appointments and then she left again.
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  And that's when she came that I, I got back into therapy,
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  continue to work on myself. And then I came and she came
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  back and I've been in therapy consistently since 2020 again.
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  So I had already been in therapy, stopped for a few
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  months, pandemic happened, she left and then she came back in
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  2020. And that's when I started my
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  profile. See, she got the connecting the
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  dots. I already consistent with stuff.
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  So babe, I'm going to make this happen.
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  I'm going to go to therapy, I'm going to change my behaviors.
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  I'm going to stick with this. So she already had a pattern,
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  patterns of consistency within our relationship to make her
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  things like, Oh yeah, he, he can't come back.
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  He can't, he can't work on himself.
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  He can be better. So they're already they the, the
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  seeds were already the seeds of consistency were already planted
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  within my relationship dynamic. You see what I'm saying?
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  So they were already there. What has your partner or ex or
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  friend or whoever it is been consistent with?
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  What have they been consistent with and why should you trust
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  them if they've been so untrustworthy, y'all, why should
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  you trust them? Why should you trust them and
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  why? Like I said and and again, This
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  is why you shouldn't take them back either because like y'all,
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  they'll just do it again. How many times have you taken
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  them back and they've ruined your life or hurt you again,
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  hurt you repeatedly? How many times have you told
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  yourself and you, you mean, I know it's going to be hoping to
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  be. I'm hoping it'd be it's better
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  this time. Why are you hoping it'd be going
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  to be better? You mean, why are you hoping
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  that it's going to be better as opposed to it actually being
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  better? What they they're selling you a
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  dream. They're selling you a dream in
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  delivering a nightmare. They just actually are.
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  So that's why I just always tell people just like, were you
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  allowed to continuously allow them access to your life after
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  they've hurt you so many times? Why would they stop hurting you?
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  Yo, I know what you're how how you think I know you think you
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  know people just they get better or I just got to wait till they
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  grow up. Narcissist never grow up without
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  help. Y'all.
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  If you're dealing with a narcissist tax person, they
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  never grow up emotionally without help.
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  Yes, they'll get older physically and mentally they'll
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  get older but emotionally they'll still be children.
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  They'll still be hurt children emotionally.
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  You're dealing with an 819 year old emotionally.
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  So that's what happens right there.
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  So ask yourself those questions. I thought I was saying just stop
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  going back into these relationship spaces.
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  I know I'm not trying to make sense like it's easy, but this
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  I'm just telling you to stop going back to these relationship
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  spaces with them because they'll make promises and they just
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  won't keep them. When people show you who they
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  are, believe them the first time, even when they try to
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  convince you of differently of different, even they throw the
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  gas like you. Even when they I'm going to
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  treat the next person better. Sometimes you trick yourself
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  into taking them back or they're going to treat the next person
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  better. What if they're right there?
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  What if they're true or if it's true this time?
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  What if they're actually going to go to go to therapy and stick
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  with it? What if they're actually going
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  to do this? What if they're actually going
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  to do that? You gave them too many.
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  You gave, you already gave them a chance to do it.
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  They didn't do it and had nothing to do with you.
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  This is one of what way one way you understand how not to take
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  them back because you realize that the way they treat you
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  really had everything to do with themselves and how they thought
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  about themselves internally and way less to do with how they
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  thought how how they thought about you.
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  No, so don't take that toxic narcissistic person back.
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  The the, the only acceptable change y'all, the only
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  acceptable apology is consistent changed behavior and the
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  consistency that you need to be consistent outside the
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  relationship. If y'all break up or stop being
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  besties, they have to be consistent outside the
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  relationship before they can be consistent inside of it.
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  Pain changes, but not all the time.
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  Y'all Pain can make people angrier.
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  Just being realistic y'all. But anyways, y'all check out the
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  support groups, check out the courses,
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  courses.mentalillness.net. I will see y'all later.
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  Mental illness is out. Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
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  to the channel. Helps reach more people and
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  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
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  through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.