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005 - By Advice of Counsel · Selected Short Stories

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Speaker 1: Chapter five of The Man Upstairs and Other Stories. This
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Speaker 1: is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
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Speaker 1: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
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Speaker 1: LibriVox dot org. Recording by Mike Harris. The Man Upstairs
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Speaker 1: by P. G. Woodhouse, Chapter five. By advice of counsel,
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Speaker 1: the traveler champed meditatively at his stake. He paid no
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Speaker 1: attention to the altercation which was in progress between the
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Speaker 1: waiter and the man at the other end of the
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Speaker 1: dingy room. The sounds of strife ceased, and the waiter
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Speaker 1: came over to the traveler's table and stood behind his chair.
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Speaker 1: The waiter was ruffled. If he meant lamb, he said, queriously.
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Speaker 1: Why didn't he say lamb? Says a fellow? Could hear him?
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Speaker 1: I thought he said amb So I brought him ham.
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Speaker 1: Now Lord Percy gets all peevish, he laughed bitterly. The
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Speaker 1: traveler made no reply. If people spoke distinct, said the waiter,
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Speaker 1: there wouldn't be half the trouble lies in a world.
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Speaker 1: Half the trouble there wouldn't be. I shouldn't be here
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Speaker 1: for one thing in this restaurant. I mean a sigh
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Speaker 1: escaped him. I shouldn't, he said, And that's the truth.
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Speaker 1: I should be gettin up when I pleased eating and
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Speaker 1: drinkin' all I wanted, and carrying around some ass in
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Speaker 1: the good old days. You wouldn't think to look at me,
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Speaker 1: would you? Now? That I was once like the lily
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Speaker 1: of the field. The waiter was a tall, stringy man
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Speaker 1: who gave the impression of having no spine in that
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Speaker 1: heat drooped. He might have been said to resemble a flower,
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Speaker 1: but in no other respect. He had sandy hair, weak
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Speaker 1: eyes set close together, in a day's growth of red
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Speaker 1: stubble on his chin. One could not see him in
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Speaker 1: the lily class. All I mean to say is I
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Speaker 1: didn't toil. Neither did I spin. Ah, it was the
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Speaker 1: happy days, lying on the back, plenty of tobacco, something
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Speaker 1: cool in a jog, He sighed once more. Did you
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Speaker 1: ever know my ane of the name of Moore? Jerry Moore?
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Speaker 1: The traveler replied himself to his stake in silence. Nice fella,
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Speaker 1: simple sort of fella, big quiet bit deaf in one
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Speaker 1: ear straw colored air, blue eyes and some rather and
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Speaker 1: as just outside a ryegate as it still money of
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Speaker 1: his own left him by his pop. Simple sort of fellow,
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Speaker 1: not much to say for himself. I used to know
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Speaker 1: him well in them days. He used to live with him.
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Speaker 1: Nice fella. He was big, bit, harder earring, got a
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Speaker 1: sleepy kind of grin, you know, like this or something.
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Speaker 1: The traveler sipped his beer in thoughtful silence. I reckon,
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Speaker 1: you never met him, said the waiter. Maybe you never
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Speaker 1: knew gentleman Bailey either. We always call him. Then he
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Speaker 1: was one of those breaking down eating their arror fellas
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Speaker 1: folks said. We struck up a partnership, kind of casual,
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Speaker 1: both being on the trap together. And after a while
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Speaker 1: we happened to be round about Ryegate, and the first
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Speaker 1: house we come to was this Jerry Moore's. He come
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Speaker 1: up just as we were sliding to the back door
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Speaker 1: and grinned that sleepy grain light like this or something. Hello,
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Speaker 1: he said, gentleman kind of gives oop and hollis if
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Speaker 1: it a pile, pal Jerry Moore Jack, He says to me,
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Speaker 1: this is me, old pal, mister Jerry Moore, when I
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Speaker 1: met in happier days down at Ramsgate one summer. They
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Speaker 1: shake hands and Jerry Moore says, is this a friend
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Speaker 1: of yours. Bailey looking at me, gentlemen, introduces me. We
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Speaker 1: are partners, he says, partners in misfortune. This is my friend,
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Speaker 1: mister Roach. Oh, come along in, says Jerry. So we
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Speaker 1: went on in and he makes us at home. He's
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Speaker 1: a bachelor and lives all by himself in this desirable house. Well,
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Speaker 1: I've seen pretty quick that Jerry thinks the world of
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Speaker 1: gentlemen all that evening in his acting. If he pleased
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Speaker 1: as punch to have him there, couldn't do enough for him.
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Speaker 1: It was a bit of a bit of all right,
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Speaker 1: I said to himself. It was too Next day, we
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Speaker 1: gets up late and has a good breakfast, sits on
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Speaker 1: the lawn smokes. The sun was shining, the little bears
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Speaker 1: were singing, and there wasn't a thing west, north or
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Speaker 1: south that looked like work. If I'd been asked my
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Speaker 1: dress at that moment on oath, I couldn't have hesitated
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Speaker 1: a second. I should have answered number one, easy Street.
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Speaker 1: You see, Jerry Moore was one of these slow, simple fellers,
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Speaker 1: and he could tell in a moment what a lot
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Speaker 1: he thought of gentlemen. Gentlemen, you see, had away with him,
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Speaker 1: not walty he wasn't more affable, I should call it.
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Speaker 1: He sort of made you feel that all men are
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Speaker 1: born equal, but that it was awful good of him
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Speaker 1: to be talking to you, and that he wouldn't do
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Speaker 1: it for everybody. It went down proper with Jerry Moore.
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Speaker 1: Jerry would sit and listen to him, given his views
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Speaker 1: on things by the hour. Ah, by the end of
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Speaker 1: the first day, I was having visions of sitting in
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Speaker 1: that garden, a white baked old man, and being laid
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Speaker 1: out when my time should come. In Jerry's front room,
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Speaker 1: he paused his mind, evidently in the past, among the
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Speaker 1: cigars and big breakfasts. Presently he took up his tail.
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Speaker 1: You see, Jerry Moore was a simple sort of fellow.
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Speaker 1: Deafy's are like the ever noticed. Not that Jerry was
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Speaker 1: a real deafy. His hearing was a bit off, but
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Speaker 1: he could follow you if you spoke to him nice
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Speaker 1: and clear. Well, I was saying, he was kind of simple,
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Speaker 1: like to put in his days, pottering about the little
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Speaker 1: garden he'd made for himself, looking after his flowers and
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Speaker 1: his fowls, and sitting of an evening listening to gentlemen
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Speaker 1: holding forth on life. He was a philosopher. Gentleman was,
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Speaker 1: and Jerry took everything he said as gospel. Didn't want
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Speaker 1: no proofs. He and the King of Denmark would have
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Speaker 1: been great perils. He just sat by with his big
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Speaker 1: blue eyes getting round her every minute, and lapped it up.
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Speaker 1: Now you'd think a man like that could be counted on,
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Speaker 1: wouldn't you? Would he want anything more? Not he, you'd say, well,
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Speaker 1: you'd be wrong. Believe me, there isn't a man on
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Speaker 1: earth that's fixed and contented. But once a woman can't
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Speaker 1: knock his old paradise into ash with one punch, it
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Speaker 1: wasn't long before I begin to notice a change in Jerry.
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Speaker 1: He never had been what you'd call a champion catcher's
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Speaker 1: catch can talker, But now he was silenter than ever,
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Speaker 1: And he got a habit of switching gentlemen off from
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Speaker 1: his theories of life in general to woman in particular.
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Speaker 1: Now the suited gentlemen just right. What he didn't know
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Speaker 1: about woman wasn't knowledge. Gentleman was too busy talking to
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Speaker 1: have time to get suspisies. But I wasn't an One
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Speaker 1: day I draws gentlemen aside and puts it to him
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Speaker 1: straight gentlemen, I says, Jerry Moore is in love. Well,
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Speaker 1: this was a nasty nark, of course, for gentlemen. He
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Speaker 1: knew as well as I did what it would mean
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Speaker 1: if Jerry was to lead home a blushing bride through
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Speaker 1: that front door. It would be outside into the cold,
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Speaker 1: hard work for the bachelor friends. Gentlemen sees that quick
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Speaker 1: in his jaw drops. I goes on all the time.
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Speaker 1: I said that you're talking away of an evening, Jerry
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Speaker 1: seeing visions of a little woman sitting in your chair,
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Speaker 1: and you can bet you don't enter into them visions.
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Speaker 1: He may dream a little feet pattern about the house,
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Speaker 1: I says, but they are ours, and you can have
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Speaker 1: something on that both ways. Look alive, gentlemen, I says,
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Speaker 1: and think out some plan, and we might as well
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Speaker 1: be padding the hoof right now. Well, gentlemen did what
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Speaker 1: he could. In his evening discourses. He started to give
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Speaker 1: it to woman all he knew. Began to talk about
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Speaker 1: Delilah's and Jezebels and fools there was and the rest
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Speaker 1: of it, and what a mug a feller was to
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Speaker 1: let a female into his cozy house. That'd only make
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Speaker 1: him spend his day so can he rop and his
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Speaker 1: knights wondering how to get back the blankets without waking
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Speaker 1: her my he was crisp enough to have given Romeo
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Speaker 1: the jumps. He'd the thought, but lord, it's no good
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Speaker 1: talking to them when they've had it bad. A few
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Speaker 1: days later we caught him with the Goods talking in
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Speaker 1: the road to a girl in a pink dress. I
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Speaker 1: couldn't but admit that Jerry hat picked one right from
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Speaker 1: the top of the basket. This wasn't one of them
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Speaker 1: languishing sort of what sits about in cozy corners and
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Speaker 1: read story books and don't care what's happening in the home,
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Speaker 1: so long as they find out what became of the
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Speaker 1: hero in his duel with the Good Duke. She was
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Speaker 1: a brown, slim, wiry looking little thing. You know. You
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Speaker 1: held it chin up and looked you up and down
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Speaker 1: with eyes the color of Scotch whiskey, as much as
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Speaker 1: to say, well what about it, goodtilla without looking at her,
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Speaker 1: just by the feel of the atmosphere, and she was
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Speaker 1: near that. She had as much snap and going her
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Speaker 1: as Jerry Moore hadn't. She was a good bit, I knew,
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Speaker 1: just as sure as I was standing there on one
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Speaker 1: leg that this was the sort of girl who would
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Speaker 1: have me and gentlemen out of that house. About three
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Speaker 1: seconds after the clergyman had tied the knot, Jerry says,
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Speaker 1: these are my friends, Miss Tuxton, mister Bailey and mister Roach.
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Speaker 1: They're staying with me for a visit. This is miss
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Speaker 1: Jane Tuxton, he says to me. I was just going
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Speaker 1: to see Miss Tuxton home, he says, sort of wistful. Excellent,
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Speaker 1: says gentlemen, we'll come too, and we all goes along.
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Speaker 1: There wasn't much done in the way of conversation. Jerry
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Speaker 1: never was one for pushing out the words, nor was
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Speaker 1: I in the presence of the sext and Miss Jane
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Speaker 1: had her chin in the air as if she thought
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Speaker 1: me and gentlemen was not needed in any way whatsoever.
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Speaker 1: The only talk before we turned her in at the
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Speaker 1: garden gate was done by a gentleman who told a
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Speaker 1: pretty long story about a friend of his in Upper
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Speaker 1: Sydonym that'd been silly enough to marry and had trouble
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Speaker 1: ever since. That night. After we went to bed, I sented, gentlemen. Gentlemen,
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Speaker 1: I said, what's going to be done about this? We've
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Speaker 1: got about as much chance if Jerry man as that girl,
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Speaker 1: I says, as a couple of helpless chocolate creams at
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Speaker 1: a school girl's picnic. If, says gentleman, he ain't married
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Speaker 1: at her yet. That's girl of character, Jack, trust me.
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Speaker 1: Didn't she strike he as a girl who'd like a
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Speaker 1: man with a bit of a devil in him, a
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Speaker 1: man with some go in him, A you be darned
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Speaker 1: kind of man? Well? Does is Jerry, Philip Bill. He's
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Speaker 1: more like a doormat with welcome written on it than
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Speaker 1: anything else. Now we've seen a good deal of miss
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Speaker 1: Jane in the next week or so. We kept Jerry
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Speaker 1: under what's it? The heroine says in the melodrama, Oh cruel, cruel,
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Speaker 1: s b something, Oh espionage, that's it. So he keeps
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Speaker 1: Jerry under espionage. And whenever he goes trickling round after
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Speaker 1: the girl and we goes trickling round after him, things
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Speaker 1: is runnin our way, says gentlemen to me after one
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Speaker 1: of these meetings. That girl's gettin cross with Jerry. She
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Speaker 1: wants reckless Rudolph, not a man who stands and grins
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Speaker 1: when other men butt in on him and his girl.
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Speaker 1: Mark my words, Jacks, she'll get tired of Jerry and
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Speaker 1: go off and marry a soldier and we'll live happy
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Speaker 1: ever after. Think so, sir, all sure of it, says gentlemen. Well,
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Speaker 1: it was the Sunday after this that Jerry Moore announces
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Speaker 1: to us wriggling that he had an engagement to take
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Speaker 1: supper with Jane and her folks. He'd have liked to
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Speaker 1: have slipped away secret, but we was keeping him under
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Speaker 1: espionage too crisp for that, so he has to tell
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Speaker 1: us why. Excellent, said gentlemen. It'll be a great treat
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Speaker 1: to Jack and myself to meet the family. We'll go
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Speaker 1: along with you, So off we all goes and pushes
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Speaker 1: our boots in sociable fashion under the Tuxton table. I
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Speaker 1: looked at miss Jane out of the corner of my eye,
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Speaker 1: and honest that chin of hers was sticking out of foot,
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Speaker 1: and Jerry didn't dare look at her love's young dream.
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Speaker 1: I'm used to myself, how swift it fade that a
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Speaker 1: man has the nature and disposition of a lop eared rabbit.
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Speaker 1: The Tuxtans was four in number, not counting the parrot,
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Speaker 1: and all male. There was pa tuxtan, an old fellow
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Speaker 1: with a beard and glasses, a fat uncle, a big
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Speaker 1: brother who worked in a bank and was dressed like
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Speaker 1: Moses in all his glory, and a little brother with
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Speaker 1: a snub nose that cheeky. You'd have been surprised. Oh,
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Speaker 1: and the parrot in its cage, and a fat yellow dog.
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Speaker 1: And they're all making themselves pleasant to Jerry, the wealthy
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Speaker 1: future son in law. Something awful. It's ower of fowls,
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Speaker 1: mister Moore, and a little bit of this pie, mister Moore.
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Speaker 1: Jane made it, and Jerry sitting there with a feeble grin,
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Speaker 1: saying yes and no and nothing much more. While Miss
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Speaker 1: Jane's eyes are snapping like fifth in November fireworks. I
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Speaker 1: could feel Jerry's chances going back a mile a minute.
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Speaker 1: I felt as happy as a little child that evening.
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Speaker 1: I sang, gone back home. Gentlemen's please too, Jack, he
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Speaker 1: says to me, when we're in bed, this is too easy.
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Speaker 1: In my most sanguinary dreams, I hardly hope for this.
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Speaker 1: No girl of spirits going to love a man who
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Speaker 1: behaves that way to her parents. The way to win
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Speaker 1: the heart of a certain type of girl, he said,
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Speaker 1: beginning on his theories, the type to which Jane Tuxton
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Speaker 1: belongs is to be rude to her family. I've got
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Speaker 1: Jane Tuxton sized up and labeled her kind. Wants her
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Speaker 1: folks to dislike a young man. She wants to feel
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Speaker 1: that she's the only one in the family who's got
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Speaker 1: the sense to see the hidden good in Willie. She
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Speaker 1: doesn't want to be one of a crowd hollerin out
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Speaker 1: what a nice young man he is. It takes some
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Speaker 1: pluckin' a man to stand up to a girl's family,
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Speaker 1: and that's what Jane Tuxton is looking for in Jerry.
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Speaker 1: Take it from one who has studied the sect says gentlemen.
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Speaker 1: From JOHNI groats to lands and and back again. Well,
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Speaker 1: next day Jerry Moore is looking as if he'd only
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Speaker 1: sixpence in the world. And it's what's the matter, Jerry, says, gentlemen.
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Speaker 1: Jerry heaves a sigh. Mainly, he says, And you, mister Roach,
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Speaker 1: I expect you both seen how it is with me.
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Speaker 1: I love miss Jane Tuxton, and you've seen for yourself
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Speaker 1: what transpires. She don't value me not tuppence, say not so,
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Speaker 1: says gentlemen. Sympathetic. You're doin fine. If you knew the
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Speaker 1: sect as I do, you wouldn't go by mere superficial
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Speaker 1: silences in chin tiltings. I can read a girl's heart, Jerry,
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Speaker 1: he says, patting them on the shoulder. And I'll tell
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Speaker 1: you you're doin fine. All you want now is a little
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Speaker 1: rapid working. You win easy to make the thing a sert,
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Speaker 1: he says, gettin up. All you have to do is
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Speaker 1: make a dead set at her folks. He winks at me.
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Speaker 1: Don't just sit there like you did last night. Show
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Speaker 1: 'em you've got something in yem. You know what folks are?
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Speaker 1: They think themselves the most important things on the map. Well,
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Speaker 1: go to work, insult them all, you know, every opportunity
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Speaker 1: you get. There's nothing like consulting a girl's folks to
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Speaker 1: put you in a good with her. And he pats
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Speaker 1: Jerry on the shoulder again and goes indoors to hind
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Speaker 1: his pipe. Jerry turns to me, that's really so, he said,
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Speaker 1: I say, I do. He knows all about girls. I reckon,
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Speaker 1: says Jerry. You can go by him every time, I says, well, well, well,
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Speaker 1: says Jerry, thoughtful. The waiter paused. His eyes was sad
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Speaker 1: and dreamy. Then he took up the burden of his tail.
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Speaker 1: The first thing that happens is that gentleman has a
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Speaker 1: sore tooth on the next Sunday, so don't feel like
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Speaker 1: coming along with us. He sits at home dosing it
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Speaker 1: with whiskey, and Jerry and Me goes off alone. So
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Speaker 1: Jerry and me pikes off, and once more we prepares
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Speaker 1: to settle down round the board. I hadn't noticed Jerry particular,
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Speaker 1: but just now I catch you sight of his face
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Speaker 1: in the light of the lamp. Ever see one of
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Speaker 1: those fighters when he's sitting in his corner before a fight,
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Speaker 1: waiting for the gong to go. Well, Jerry looks just
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Speaker 1: like that, and it surprises me. I told you about
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Speaker 1: the fat yellow dog that permeated the Tuxton's house, did
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Speaker 1: not The family thought a lot of that dog. Thought
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Speaker 1: of all the ugly brutes I ever met, he was
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Speaker 1: the worst, sniffing round and growling all the time. Well,
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Speaker 1: this evening he comes up to Jerry just as he's
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Speaker 1: going to sit down and starts to growl. Old Pa
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Speaker 1: Tuxton looks over his glasses and licks his tongue rova rov,
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Speaker 1: he says, kind of mild, naughty rover. He don't like strangers.
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Speaker 1: I'm afraid. Jerry looks at Pa Tuxton and he looks
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Speaker 1: at the dog, and I'm just expecting to say no, yes,
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Speaker 1: same as the other night. When he lets out a
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Speaker 1: nasty laugh, one of them bitter laughs. Huh, he says,
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Speaker 1: oh don't he And perhaps he'd better get farther away
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Speaker 1: from them, and he ups with his boot and where
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Speaker 1: the door, get the far wall. Jerry sits down and
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Speaker 1: pulls up hiss chair. I don't approve, he said, fierce
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Speaker 1: of folks keeping great, big, ugly, bad tempered yellow dogs
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Speaker 1: that are renuisanced all. I don't like it. There was
15:47
Speaker 1: a silence you could have scooped out with a spoon.
15:50
Speaker 1: Have you ever had a rabbit turn round on you
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Speaker 1: and growl? That's how we all felt when Jerry outs
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Speaker 1: with them crisp words. They took our breath away. While
15:58
Speaker 1: we were getting it back again, the parrot, which was
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Speaker 1: in its cage, let out a squawk. Honest, I jumped
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Speaker 1: a foot in my chair. Jerry gets up, very deliberate
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Speaker 1: and walks over to the parrot. Is this a menagerie,
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Speaker 1: He says, can't a man have supper and peace without
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Speaker 1: an image like you? Start in the holler, go to sleep.
16:18
Speaker 1: He was all staring at him, surprised, especially Uncle Dick Tuxton,
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Speaker 1: whose particular pet the parrot was. He'd brought him home
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Speaker 1: all the way from some foreign parts. Hello, Billy, said
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Speaker 1: the birds, shrugging his shoulders and buffing himself up. Up,
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Speaker 1: Hello Billy, Lo lo lo ro wah. Jerry gives its
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Speaker 1: cage a bang. Don't talk back to me, he says,
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Speaker 1: or I'll knock your head off. You think because you've
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Speaker 1: got green tail you're someone. Then he stalks back to
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Speaker 1: his chair and sits glaring at Uncle Dick. Well this
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Speaker 1: wasn't what you might call promoting an easy flow of conversation.
16:53
Speaker 1: Everyone's looking at Jerry, especially me, wondering what next and
16:57
Speaker 1: trying to get their breath, and Jerry's frowning at the
16:59
Speaker 1: cold beef, and there's a sort of awkward pause. Miss
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Speaker 1: Jane is the first to get busy. She bustles about
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Speaker 1: and gets the food served out, and we begins to eat.
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Speaker 1: But still there's not so much conversation that you'd notice it.
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Speaker 1: This goes on till we reaches the concluding stages, and
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Speaker 1: then Uncle Dick comes up to the scratch. How's the fowls,
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Speaker 1: mister Moore, he says, gimme some more pie, says Jerry.
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Speaker 1: What Uncle Dick repeats his remark fowls, says Jerry, what
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Speaker 1: do you know about fowls? The notion of a fowl
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Speaker 1: is an ugly bird with a green tail. Of Wellington knowsing,
17:32
Speaker 1: give me a bit of cheese. Uncle Dick's fond of
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Speaker 1: the parrot, so he speaks up for him. Polly's always
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Speaker 1: been reckoned. A handsome bird, is it? He wants stuffing,
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Speaker 1: says Jerry, and Uncle Dick drops out of the talk.
17:47
Speaker 1: Up comes big brother Ralph. His name was He's the
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Speaker 1: bank clerk and a dude. He gives his cuffs a
17:53
Speaker 1: flick and starts in to make things jolly all round
17:56
Speaker 1: by telling a story about a man he knows named
17:58
Speaker 1: waver Spoon. Jenny fixes him with his eye, and halfway
18:02
Speaker 1: through he interrupts. That wistcoat of yours is fierce, he says,
18:06
Speaker 1: and Bardin says Ralph. That whistcoat of yours, says Jerry.
18:09
Speaker 1: It hurts my eyes. It's like an electric sign Why Jerry,
18:14
Speaker 1: I said, But he just scowls at me and I stopped.
18:18
Speaker 1: Ralph is proud of his clothes and he isn't going
18:20
Speaker 1: to stand this. He glares at Jerry, and Jenny glares
18:23
Speaker 1: at him. Who do you think you are? Said Ralph,
18:26
Speaker 1: breathing hard. Button up your coat, says Jerry. Look here,
18:30
Speaker 1: says Ralph. Cover it up, I tell you, says Jerry.
18:34
Speaker 1: Do you want to blind me? Pa Tuxton interrupts, why
18:38
Speaker 1: mister Moore? He begins sort of soothing when the small
18:42
Speaker 1: brother who's been staring at Jerry chips in, I told
18:44
Speaker 1: you he was cheeky, he says, Pa, what a funny knows?
18:48
Speaker 1: Mister Moore's God? And then did it? Jerry rises very
18:52
Speaker 1: slow and leans across the table and clips the kid
18:54
Speaker 1: brother one side of the earrow. And then there's a
18:57
Speaker 1: general in broglio. Everyone's standing up in the kid dollar
18:59
Speaker 1: and the dog Barkin. If you'd blot him up better,
19:03
Speaker 1: said Jerry severe to Pa Tuxton, this would never have happened.
19:08
Speaker 1: Pa Tuxton gives a sort of howl. Mister Moore, he yells,
19:12
Speaker 1: what is the meaning of this extraordinary behavior? You come
19:15
Speaker 1: here and strike me child, Jerry bangs on the table. Yes,
19:18
Speaker 1: he says, and I'd strike him again. Listen to me,
19:22
Speaker 1: You'll think, just because I'm quiet, I ain't got no spirit.
19:25
Speaker 1: You think all I can do is sit and smile.
19:27
Speaker 1: You think, Bah, you aren't on to the hidden depths
19:30
Speaker 1: of me character. I'm one of them still waters that
19:32
Speaker 1: runs deep. I'm here. You get out of it, Yes,
19:35
Speaker 1: all of you except Jane. Jane in me wants this
19:38
Speaker 1: room to have a private talk in. I've got a
19:40
Speaker 1: lot of things to say to Jane. Are you going?
19:43
Speaker 1: I turns to the crowd. I was awful disturbed. You
19:46
Speaker 1: mustn't take any notice, I says. He ain't well, he
19:48
Speaker 1: ain't himself. When just then the parrot cuts with another
19:52
Speaker 1: of them squawks. Jerry jumps at it. You fast, he says,
19:56
Speaker 1: and flings the cage out of the window. Now you,
19:59
Speaker 1: he said to the yellow dog, putting him out through
20:01
Speaker 1: the door. And then he folds his arms and scowls
20:04
Speaker 1: at us, and we all notice suddenly that he's very big.
20:07
Speaker 1: We look at one another, and we begins to edge
20:10
Speaker 1: towards the door, all except Jane, who's staring at Jerry
20:13
Speaker 1: as if he's a ghost. Mister Moore, said Pa Tuxton, dignified.
20:18
Speaker 1: We'll leave you. You're drunk. I'm not drunk, says Jerry. I'm
20:23
Speaker 1: in love, Jane says Pa Tuxton. Come with me and
20:27
Speaker 1: leave this ruffian to himself. Jane says, Jerry, stop here
20:31
Speaker 1: and come and lay your head on my shoulder. Jane's
20:34
Speaker 1: says Pa Tuxton. Do you hear me? Jane says Jerry,
20:38
Speaker 1: I'm waiting. She looks from one to the other for
20:42
Speaker 1: a spell, and she moves to where Jerry's standing. I'll stop,
20:45
Speaker 1: she says, sort of quiet, and we drifts out. The
20:50
Speaker 1: waiters snorted. I got back home as quick as I could,
20:52
Speaker 1: and relates the proceedings to gentlemen. Gentlemen's rattled. I don't
20:56
Speaker 1: believe it, he says. Don't stand there and tell me
20:58
Speaker 1: Jerry Moore did them things? Why it ain't in the man,
21:01
Speaker 1: especially after what I said to him about the way
21:03
Speaker 1: he ought to behave. How could he have done so?
21:06
Speaker 1: Just then in comes Jerry, beaming all over boys. He shouts,
21:10
Speaker 1: congratulates me. It's all right, we've fixed it up. She
21:14
Speaker 1: says she hadn't known me properly before. She says she'd
21:17
Speaker 1: always reckoned me a sheep, But all the time I
21:19
Speaker 1: was one of them strong, silent men. He turns to gentlemen.
21:24
Speaker 1: The man at the other end of the room was
21:25
Speaker 1: calling for his bill. All right, all right, said the waiter. Coming.
21:29
Speaker 1: He turns to gentlemen. He went on rapidly, and he says, Bailey,
21:32
Speaker 1: I owe all to you, because if you hadn't told
21:35
Speaker 1: me to insult her folks. He leaned on the traveler's
21:38
Speaker 1: table and fixed him with an eye that pleaded for sympathy.
21:41
Speaker 1: How about that, he said, isn't that crisp? Insult her folks?
21:45
Speaker 1: Then was his very words? Insult her folks? The traveler
21:49
Speaker 1: looked at him, inquiringly. Can you beat it? Said the waiter.
21:52
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're saying, said the traveler. If
21:55
Speaker 1: it is important, write it on a slip of paper.
21:59
Speaker 1: I am Stone Death. End of chapter five by advice
22:04
Speaker 1: of counsel. Recording by Mike Harris,