Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 50 | Finding Freedom as a Founder Dad: Overcoming Fear and Dad Guilt to Lead Fully
Transcript
- Shaun: Hello welcome back to the reset episode 50. 50 days 50 episodes in. You have something that you're hiding from the world. And I'm not talking about your deepest darkest secret no. What I'm talking about is actually your hidden talent. The thing that maybe gets you into trouble sometimes. The thing that will probably push people's buttons a lot of the time. Honestly, your hidden talent is probably that you're really good at either pinpointing what someone's issue is, someone's problem, or maybe it's the fact that you're super articulate about communicating what it is you really want. And there is a side note to this, because in previous episodes I've talked about or asked you, what do you really want? And the thing is, if you're really good at communicating what it is that you really want... then why don't you just go and get it? Why don't you just go and ask for it? Well my guess is that you're afraid of how you'll be perceived by others. You're actually probably more afraid of how you think they'll be thinking of you, then what will actually occur for them? I can share this with you because that's been my experience. You know, this journey of the last 50 days has really been an experiment. I know I'm a great speaker. I know I'm great at communicating. But I also know that I don't always ask for what I want. even though I know what I want. So if you're listening and you're nodding and you're like, yeah, this guy gets me. Well, it's funny because what we activate for others is actually what's being activated for us as well. it's often we are a little bit afraid or perhaps you're a little bit afraid of what it will do to other people and the people that you love. if you actually just go out and ask for what you want. So maybe something to sit with today when you're listening to this episode is. What is it that you really want? I'm not talking about what you think you want. I'm talking about what do you actually want? See last year I had my fight video, as you've probably seen, it went viral across two platforms. It went viral on Facebook and it went viral on Instagram. So we had almost 1.9 million views on Instagram and close to a million on Facebook. They were two different posts, slightly different captions. and they were only slightly different because I couldn't fit all of the caption I wanted to when I wrote it on Instagram. So I had to go to chat.gbt and I had to get it within the character limit because I didn't want to put a comment in. I didn't want to put a little bit of extended captions in the comments. So the reason why I share that, I had no idea that I actually just wanted to be seen for my uniqueness, for my being, my individuality. But when I looked at it, why is this happening to me? Because I totally did not expect it to go viral. My intention behind sharing the post was actually to show the people that knew I was going into the fight, what happened and also that I'm okay. Right? Because when you get into the business space, especially in the online space, you get to know and you network with a lot of different people. And if I just message everyone to say, I'm okay, it's going to take me a lot of effort, a lot of energy, a lot of effort. And of course my close, you know, circle, the people that I love and really hold dear to my heart. I messaged them and actually they messaged me and asked how did I go. So of course I told them, right? But for the people who knew I was fighting, they're friends with me, more acquaintances, to keep them updated, I let them know how it went. And so when it started going viral, I started feeling like I was being. I really felt like the sensitivity that I had towards almost holding people's feelings. that was really getting in the way of me not only experiencing and processing what happened, but actually being present with my family. One of the things that I cared about the most. You one of the highest priorities for me is being present as a dad, being present with my family. But when this started going viral, was like taken back many steps and I was spiraling. Even my wife said, look, Sean, you're spiraling. I was obsessed with checking, you know, who's messaging, who's commenting. And it was spiraling me into this negative loop. And then I sat with it. I was getting attacked. I was defending myself. There's nothing wrong with that. But it was taking up a lot of energy. Looking back now, the reason why it was taking up so much energy was because I cared way too much about what people were thinking about me. Because the truth is, everyone who commented in support or in spite, they're not actually telling me. what it is that's wrong with me, they're actually just communicating out loud what they're not happy about in their life. And I know that might be hard to understand, especially if this is one of your first times listening. But the reason I say that is because as it progressed and as it started going more and more out of control, I was... I was, by the way, I was completely unaware that the Facebook one was going viral and that went more viral than the Instagram one at the beginning. And so when I started seeing it was getting traction, was like 20,000 views or something on Instagram and I was, you know, commenting and replying to all the comments that were coming through. And then it just took its own course and went out of control over the period of about two weeks or two and a half weeks. And I sat with it. for quite a number of moments and just, because it was affecting me deeply, right? One of my gifts is being sensitive and holding the feelings of others, even though one of the gifts of the work that I do is allowing people to feel safe enough to actually feel their feelings. So after sitting with it for a while, I realized, hang on, this is all just about me trying to be seen. Wow, seen for my uniqueness, seen for my pain, seen for my courage, seen for, I don't know, everything, right? Like my individuality, the character that I had built. But. end of the day, it's pretty meaningless. ⁓ And I say that because... We all have a desire to want to be acknowledged, be validated, and that's part of just being human. And now I actually have no desire whatsoever to go viral. Before that happened, there was a desire for me to go viral because I wanted to be seen. And I'm glad that it happened in the most unexpected way because... Now I can actually allow people to feel what it is that they don't want to Because I am more than comfortable being myself and being different. Just having the courage to be yourself is such a huge step in the direction of freedom. where you feel like not everything is well thought out and planned out, how I show up, doesn't actually matter because one of the episodes I did a while back is nobody cares. And I think that's more true now than ever in my experience. Nobody cares. If you're listening and wondering, I don't know what my gift is. I don't know what I'm really great at. I'm gonna call that bullshit, because you do know. You do know and you've always known. You were just too scared to actually own it. Because your difference, your uniqueness, your thing that makes you special. It's not what you think. It's actually so much more than that. It's being quiet. It's when nobody's watching. It's how you hold yourself. It's how you show up. It's everything outside of what people think of you, even what you think of yourself. and if you care. I admire that because it means you are like me. The reason I do what I do is because I care. My life's work is because I care. and compassion, I'm more compassionate now more than ever. And my definition of compassion has shifted towards letting someone suffer if they want to suffer. It's not my job to save them. And so, in summary, if you are wondering what the hell I'm talking about, maybe this podcast is not for you. And that's okay. I'll see you in another lifetime. But if this is really resonating with you... then I'd love to connect with you. And I'd love to see what great impact we can make on humanity together, especially when it comes to fatherhood and healing dads, because the next generation of children will need leaders. They need strong men. not ones that just look physically strong, ones that are strong through and through. And if this message lands for you, connect with me on Instagram, connect with me on Facebook, hell, even shoot me an email. You can send it to Sean at SeanTucker.com.au. And if you have found this episode helpful, I want you to share it with one person you think would find value in it too. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will see you in tomorrow's episode.