Latest / From My Planit to Yours... / Episode 24: Sometimes, the Best Way to Nurture a Relationship is to End it

Transcript

Episode 24: Sometimes, the Best Way to Nurture a Relationship is to End it · From My Planit to Yours...

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Wee!
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Blizzard Planet.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Self-Friendship Podcast, where playfulness meets self-reflection.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Picture this.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: You hopped on the band rocket,
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: and now you're on Planet Butter,
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: a world made of delicious,
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: sparkly nut butter volcanoes,
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: and an adorable disco ball of self-reflection is whirling around in her
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: transforming convertible.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for joining me in my 24th episode where I'll be sharing my answer to last week's question.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: A note on rewards plus the uni plus self-friendship.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: A note on dating and meeting in public.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: The equation to understand how to navigate life.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: When confidence turns into arrogance, why sometimes the best way to nurture a relationship is to end it.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: why flow is aesthetically pleasing,
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: a note on interpreting the world around us,
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: why self-friendship is basically a way to reframe parenting ourselves,
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Trataka,
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: a party of one,
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: an example of how I don't limit myself with my visions,
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: a sunset observation,
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: and a brand new question for all of us to self-reflect,
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: self-connect,
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: and email me if you desire,
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: selffriendshippodcast at gmail.com.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, my answer to last week's question of the week, which was, it wasn't really a question last week.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was more of a statement,
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: but nonetheless,
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: this week,
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: pay attention to something that you focus on and how it expands for you because you
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: focused on it.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: For the sake of playfulness, this week I focused on music.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: The more I did this, the more surrounding conversations would subside.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I would practice switching between focusing on music to focusing on other
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: background noise or to the people next to me.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's really remarkable.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So the more I focused on the music in the places that I was,
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: the more that became the center of my attention everywhere I went.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it would come up in conversations more so than it ever did when I wasn't primarily focused on it.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: What about you?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Email me your answers, selffriendshippodcasts at gmail.com.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Rewards plus the uni plus self-friendship.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: When we consistently prioritize and practice our self-friendship,
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: embracing,
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: understanding,
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: and enjoying ourselves,
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: the universe rewards us.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: even the smallest of rewards to affirm our practice.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: The uni says, good job, here you go.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: It could be a butterfly crossing your path,
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: receiving a free dessert at your dinner,
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: a cute guy or girl approaching you,
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: finding a $5 bill on the floor,
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: anything tangible that you personally could find some joy in.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a note on dating and meeting in public.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard a lot of people say how people don't meet in public anymore.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: They follow that up with them blaming the dating apps.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to remind everyone two things.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: One, what we accept is what we deserve, which I discuss in depth on episode 15.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, what we focus on expands.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, balloons.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm recording the camera.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is too complicated.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: trying to do a video recording and now balloons are popping up which is awesome but
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: now the audio is not going to make sense to anyone listening to the audio I just
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: don't understand this podcasts are meant to be audio only okay this is not feeling
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: good I don't enjoy this all right we're not doing this
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: We stopped the video recording because fuck that.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: We tried.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like it was time to try.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: It was not.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean it was time to try but it was not time to continue.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I am not in a position to make things harder for myself than I need to be.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I am fortunate that I am a voice actor and I know how to do the recording and
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: editing for my podcast,
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: but I am not in a position to make things more complicated with video.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so we are not doing that.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Catch us on YouTube some other time.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to keep this in for all of you to witness my self-friendship in action.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I leaned into it.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I tried.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: The difficulties were already...
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: arising and in that at,
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: which was really cool,
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: that same moment that I decided,
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: nah,
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: nope,
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: nope,
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: nah,
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: nope.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: The recording, the video recording was at three minutes and 33 seconds, three, three, three.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So the uni was saying, yeah, you're right, girl.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Keep doing what you gotta do.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Always do focus on your strengths,
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: even though video is ideal for podcasts these days,
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: posting it on YouTube and blah,
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: blah,
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: blah.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's not where I'm at yet.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad I leaned into it.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad I tried, but we are not there.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Back to business.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, where was I?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Note on dating in public.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to start that from the top.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I've heard a lot of people say how people don't meet in public anymore.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: They follow that up with blaming dating apps.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm here to remind everyone two things.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: One, what we accept is what we deserve, which I discuss in depth on episode 15.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And number two,
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: what we focus on expands as I discussed in depth in episode 23 and at the top of
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: today's episode.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: So full circle, yeah.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you think you don't meet people in person,
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: then you are by default focusing on it and so that belief will expand and you will
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: continue subconsciously to attract that into your life and affirm this belief and
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: continue to not meet people in person.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you choose to sincerely believe that people do meet in person and you
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: energetically open yourself up to the idea and possibility of meeting in person.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: then I can 1,000 billion infinitely percent guarantee.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, guarantee that you will meet in person.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I guarantee it.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Again.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Cool.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: The equation to understand how to navigate life.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Prioritizing our own well-being plus indifference plus absolute trust in the universe.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Ha, you're welcome.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not easy, but it is that simple.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm, simple, not easy.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when confidence turns into arrogance.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Someone on Planet Butter's Instagram asked me, when does confidence turn into arrogance?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Trick question.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I answered.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love this question.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: I would say arrogance isn't confidence at all.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Psychologically,
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: arrogance is rooting from a need to compensate for something,
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: which implies a lack,
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: which implies insecurity.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is rooted in a knowing or certainty,
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: which is grounded because it's an authentic belief in this knowing.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Does that resonate?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Moving on.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the best way to nurture a relationship is to end it.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're so caught up in a relationship,
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: attached to it,
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: that we sustain it longer than its expiration date,
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: which spoils the relationship.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: The key to having healthy endings to a relationship,
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: nurturing the relationship,
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: is knowing when to end it.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: This allows the relationship to take a new form, a peaceful parting with mutual respect and trust.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Think about food.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: If we eat food when it's ripe, it tastes great.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: If we wait till after it expires, it's spoiled and makes us sick.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, why flow is aesthetically pleasing.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know why staring at the ocean or a waterfall or people dancing or traffic
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: that's moving smoothly or slime are all aesthetically pleasing?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know for sure, but I think this is because our minds and body function better in a flow state.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So an external physical form of that is satisfying to watch.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like watching something get stuck is unpleasant to look at and feeling stuck in our
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: mind or body is also unpleasant.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we're fighting the literal movement of the universe when we do that.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now a note on interpreting the world around us.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: The world around us is a projection and a mirror of our inner world.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: So the pieces of the world around us that have quote unquote nothing to do with us,
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: but that we are a witness to,
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: do have something to do with us.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: We can relate to anything anyone says if we reflect enough.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's our human nature to connect and personally relating to something through
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: self-reflection is a great way to do that.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's also a great way for us to appreciate the universe in that there are no accidents or coincidences.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: The things we hear,
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: the exchanges we see,
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: it's all an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and also guide us in our
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: actions in the world,
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: in our world.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Try going for a walk and paying attention to the random bits of conversations you
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: hear around you and see if you self-reflect and what you're hearing and what comes
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: up for you.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now why self-friendship is basically a way to reframe parenting ourselves.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's really what we're doing when we acknowledge our inner child.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: We are showing up as a parental figure to ourselves.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: But when we say parent,
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: there's a bit of a heavier weight to it and a bit of a power dynamic,
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: historically speaking.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: However, if we're making friends with ourselves, then we are equals.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Self-friendship.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Hooray.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Tritaka.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Trataka is a form of meditation that involves staring at a single point or object
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: such as a candle flame without blinking to help concentrate the mind and improve
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: mental focus.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Trataka originates from India and is practiced in various cultures all around the world.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I've been practicing it every morning in my self-friendship way of actually staring
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: at myself in the mirror and smiling at myself as I meditate.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I also layer it with breath work.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: I love Breathe With Sandy.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: He has a great YouTube channel and a Patreon.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And now my party of one this week.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: As a loving reminder,
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: party of one means having fun with oneself,
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: for oneself,
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: as oneself,
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: anywhere,
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: everywhere,
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: no matter who's there.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: We become our party of one by consistently practicing self-friendship.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode,
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I share little stories from my life that happened thanks to me showing up in the
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: world as my party of one.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: This week I ended up having a private aerial yoga class simply because nobody else signed up.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: When I got there though,
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: the instructor said I must have good karma because that has never happened before.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Lucky me!
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I practice self-friendship and show up as my party of one,
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I advocated for myself and asked if we could make the class more advanced for me.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: She said yes and we did and we played and we laughed the entire class.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was beautiful.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now, an example of how I don't limit myself with my visions.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: I know I want and will have my planet butter jet, PBJ.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care how or even when.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I just know I'm getting my planet butter jet.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And my vision is for it to be a solar powered jet and for me to be able to fly it
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: myself and also be a passenger so that I can work and flight because I love working
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: while flying.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: I am willing to get my pilot's license for this, but my goal isn't a pilot's license.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's a potential how on the path for me to fly my own planet butter jet.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Then the other day, I met a pilot.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Naturally,
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I told him about my jet vision,
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: and then he said he would fly it for me and also let me fly it.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: No license needed.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: In this context, it was a passing and playful chat.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: However, the point stays true.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't limit myself by attaching to how I'm going to get to fly my own jet.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: And now,
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: the truth of someone else who can legally fly it who will also let me fly it
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: without my license is totally a realistic possibility.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And now that it's been spoken, I'll probably just go with that.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'll still learn how to properly fly and ask a zillion questions as I do,
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: but it'll be a non-traditional way of learning how to fly,
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: most likely.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right, now a sunset observation.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: As many of you know, the sun still sets when it's cloudy is one of my planet butter sayings.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: I watch the sunset nightly as much as I can possibly prioritize it,
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: and even when it's cloudy or raining,
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: and I'm the only person in sight.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's a strong belief of mine as well as an action I take.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'll break it down for you.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: As a saying, it's a metaphor for the light always being present even when we can't directly see it.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: As part of my belief system,
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: I choose to only see the beauty and light in the literal sunset while it is
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: completely cloudy and in life,
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: even when I'm sitting in or staring at the clouds or darkness of life.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: The other night I was enjoying the sunset as I do, and it was a fairly cloudy evening.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was at a cliffside restaurant called Mana in Uluwatu, enjoying a coconut and admiring the sky.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: The restaurant was pretty busy and nobody else,
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: literally nobody,
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was taking mental notes for the podcast,
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: was even looking at the sky.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Until suddenly the clouds did a little dance and all of these colors started to come through.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly everyone starts standing up to look at the sky, take pictures, posing with it.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: It was really alarming to me.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Most people show up when the beauty is obvious.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: If the way we do anything is the way we do everything and that's how you treat the
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: sunset when it's cloudy,
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: is that really who you want to be?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: We'll also make that the question of the week.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: If the way we do anything is the way we do everything,
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: how do you treat the sunset and is that who you really want to be?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll check out the presale for the hardcover edition of my first coffee
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: table book with a lesson,
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Party of One,
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Self-Friendship in Action.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: The book is where the world of Planet Butter comes to life and Blissy,
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: the disco ball of self-reflection,
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: bops around seeing friends and making new while showing exactly what
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: self-friendship looks like in action.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: The e-book is available on Amazon KDP.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you check it out through my link tree.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: It helps me keep more of my revenue.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Linktr.ee slash planetbutter.com.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Also, you can access it in the show notes or my Instagram bio.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Please continue to enjoy and review.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: It is super, super, super helpful.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: To be notified of new episodes and receive more content,
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: sign up for Planet Butter Substack publication also on my link tree or planetbutter.substack.com.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for landing on Planet Butter.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: I will see you next Thursday.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: From my planet to yours.