Latest / Arroe Collins Like It's Live / Don't Get Caught In A Con Anna Sinfield Returns With The Podcast Trust Me Babe

Transcript

Don't Get Caught In A Con Anna Sinfield Returns With The Podcast Trust Me Babe · Arroe Collins Like It's Live

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  Speaker 1: Arrow dot net. It's more than just one podcast. It
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  Speaker 1: dot net. Enjoy your exploration. Good morning, how are you doing.
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  Speaker 2: I'm doing good. I'm doing good. It's nice to chat
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  Speaker 2: to you again.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you could, because you bring the story you totally.
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  Speaker 1: Anytime I see your name anywhere, I know that what
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  Speaker 1: you're bringing to listeners is quality, and you're also bringing
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  Speaker 1: the intensity of what it's like to be real with
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  Speaker 1: your listeners. And I love that that you bring that
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  Speaker 1: in my God, and what you're doing with trust me, babe,
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  Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is so every day.
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  Speaker 2: Oh my God. Thank You're saying all the right things.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you.
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  Speaker 1: Well, the thing is, I'm about ready to do a
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  Speaker 1: report on iHeartRadio that's about relationships, and it's seeing that
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  Speaker 1: fifty three percent of all couples are in a burnout
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  Speaker 1: mode when it comes to getting together. And then here
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  Speaker 1: comes your podcast with trust Me, babe, and I can
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  Speaker 1: understand now because look at that damn Derek. What is
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  Speaker 1: wrong with this dude?
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  Speaker 2: There is so much wrong with Derek.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, Yeah, he just treats everyone so badly.
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  Speaker 2: I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with
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  Speaker 2: him the whole time.
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  Speaker 3: And when I focused a little bit too much on that,
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  Speaker 3: I felt like I was no longer focusing on the
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  Speaker 3: real central characters of the story, which are the women,
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  Speaker 3: the victims. So I just kind of have left it
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  Speaker 3: in a sense of there's something very wrong with Derek,
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  Speaker 3: and that's about that.
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  Speaker 1: Well, it brings fear to me to read about or
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  Speaker 1: even to hear about Derek, because I don't want to
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  Speaker 1: become Derek. I don't even want to know what his
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  Speaker 1: secrets are. I don't want to know anything because I
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  Speaker 1: don't want to be caught in trying to build a
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  Speaker 1: friendship or a relationship and go, oh my god, this
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  Speaker 1: is what Derek did. They're going to start investigating me.
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  Speaker 3: I think that you'd have to work quite hard to
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  Speaker 3: become like Derek, because he he was a busy man
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  Speaker 3: kind of figuring out.
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  Speaker 2: How to be such a such a prolific con artist.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, it must have been a.
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  Speaker 3: Lot to juggle without, you know, selling him as some
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  Speaker 3: sort of genius.
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  Speaker 2: It would have been hard work. It would have been
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  Speaker 2: a full time job. Well.
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  Speaker 1: I cringed when with his reaction when Wendy's sister says
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  Speaker 1: that she's going to reach, you know, research his past
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  Speaker 1: and stuff, and he was like, nah, I mean, it
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  Speaker 1: didn't even bother me. It's like he's been through it
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  Speaker 1: so many other times before people have said stuff to him.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know.
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  Speaker 1: But how do you deal with a situation like that,
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  Speaker 1: when you're on the opposite into that microphone and they're
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  Speaker 1: sharing that story. How do you even stay strong and
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  Speaker 1: engage in a story like this because it would be
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  Speaker 1: so easy to say, whoa, that's your whole I'm out
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  Speaker 1: of here. I how but you jump into their into
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  Speaker 1: their their I don't want to call it misery, but
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  Speaker 1: yes it is.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I'm always interested in sitting down and talking to
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  Speaker 3: people about the hard stuff.
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  Speaker 2: I think that's a well I think a lot of
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  Speaker 2: people like doing that.
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  Speaker 3: I think it's definitely a specific skill set I have
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  Speaker 3: that I'm able to kind of sit in the horrible.
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  Speaker 2: But also while we were there, I mean, these women
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  Speaker 2: are amazing. It's not kind of just been misery.
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  Speaker 3: I have actually had such a hoot making this series,
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  Speaker 3: which isn't always the case on the shows that I make.
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  Speaker 3: Sometimes they do feel kind of just majority dark, and
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  Speaker 3: this one didn't you know that the women are so
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  Speaker 3: feisty and funny and vivacious and full of life and
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  Speaker 3: their own ambitions, and they've managed to achieve so much
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  Speaker 3: despite what Derek did to them, that they were just
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  Speaker 3: a pleasure to meet. And they just happened to have
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  Speaker 3: this incredible story, which, like I like to hear exciting
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  Speaker 3: stories or dramatic stories about my friend's lives and anyone
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  Speaker 3: else's lives. So I was just kind of sat there,
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  Speaker 3: mouth open, kind of staring into the abyss, thinking, how
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  Speaker 3: the hell did this happen in real life?
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  Speaker 1: I was going to ask you about the relationship with him,
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  Speaker 1: because there's a certain sound and it might be because
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  Speaker 1: I've been in radio for all these decades. There's a
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  Speaker 1: certain sound that somebody that you're having a conversation with
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  Speaker 1: release that you're going, Oh, they're being genuine because they
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  Speaker 1: trust you. I felt that every one of the people
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  Speaker 1: that you feature on this podcast, the girlfriends Trust Me Babe,
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  Speaker 1: they had a relationship with you in that they trusted you.
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  Speaker 3: I well, I hope that's the case, because it's a lot,
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  Speaker 3: a lot for them to give up, you know, as
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  Speaker 3: a deeply personal story what everyone was interviewed by me.
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  Speaker 3: They were also interviewed by our producer Leona, and she
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  Speaker 3: is just the warmest, loveliest, most open person ever. And
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  Speaker 3: so I think between the two of us, Yeah, I
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  Speaker 3: hope that they felt safe. I certainly think that the
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  Speaker 3: level of intimacy and kind of a sense of like
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  Speaker 3: those confessional interviews, I think they do kind of imply
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  Speaker 3: that they felt safe. And afterwards they've been very kind
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  Speaker 3: about the whole process.
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  Speaker 1: Were you part of the editing process? Because you got
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  Speaker 1: so close and so personal with everybody that's featured on
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  Speaker 1: Trust Me Babe, that it's almost one of those things
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  Speaker 1: where I'm going, I mean, how did you even edit it.
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  Speaker 1: How did you know how to put this story together
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  Speaker 1: because you're gonna have to play favoritism or did you?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I mean editing a story is always really,
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  Speaker 3: really hard, because there can be the stuff that you
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  Speaker 3: know is important perhaps to an interviewee, or it's become
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  Speaker 3: important to you, and then there's also just the fact
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  Speaker 3: that you.
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  Speaker 2: Are trying to tell compelling and propulsive story.
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  Speaker 3: And so I was involved in fact I think I
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  Speaker 3: think my producer Leanna won't mind me saying this, but
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  Speaker 3: she was a bit closer to the story.
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  Speaker 2: She'd had more research calls.
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  Speaker 3: With a lot of the women, and she found it
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  Speaker 3: harder to let go of things.
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  Speaker 2: Because of that when you're when you're so close, it's
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  Speaker 2: even harder.
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  Speaker 3: Whereas I really know what the girlfriend sounds like now
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  Speaker 3: because I've been making it for such a long time,
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  Speaker 3: been hosting it for such a long time, that it's
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  Speaker 3: easier for me to come in and just go no,
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  Speaker 3: like this, like that, like this, and then afterwards your
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  Speaker 3: review and you make sure you've not done anyone a disservice,
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  Speaker 3: and obviously they're fact checked and legaled and you make
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  Speaker 3: sure you're telling the truth.
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  Speaker 2: But yeah, It's all part of being in a team.
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  Speaker 2: I think being in a team is so important.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, please do not move. There is more with Anna
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  Speaker 1: coming up next. The name of the podcast the Girlfriends.
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  Speaker 1: Trust me, babe, we are back with Anna. Well, this
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  Speaker 1: one comes with a big, big, big rule that's right
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  Speaker 1: there at the beginning. If you think you are a
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  Speaker 1: scuba diver and you're not playing by the rules of
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  Speaker 1: all scuba divers, you are a con artist. I'm telling you.
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  Speaker 1: I felt it in the very beginning when you were
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  Speaker 1: talking about him getting the bins and all that kind
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  Speaker 1: of stuff. I'm going, holy crap, that's one of the
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  Speaker 1: very first rules that we learn when we go scuba
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  Speaker 1: diving is how not to get the bins.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and so this guy is pretending to be like
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  Speaker 3: a super experienced scuba diver and then he gets the bends. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I don't believe it. I don't believe it one bit.
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  Speaker 1: But you know what, as a listener, though, it drew
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  Speaker 1: me closer. So kudos to you guys, because it's almost
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  Speaker 1: like you said, watch this, they'll stay longer. They ain't
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  Speaker 1: hitting any other podcasts when they're into this one, because
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  Speaker 1: we're gonna make it really dramatic.
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  Speaker 2: Good aiming for drama.
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  Speaker 1: And I really do what I would love to see
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  Speaker 1: sometime with you, as I would love for you to
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  Speaker 1: come to Carolina to interview what goes on here, because
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  Speaker 1: it seems like the women of Carolina marry these guys
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  Speaker 1: or date these guys and kill them. I mean, it's
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  Speaker 1: like two or three people at a time, and they
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  Speaker 1: use eye drops, they use all these different things. I'm going,
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  Speaker 1: my god, it's not just the guys, the girls are
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  Speaker 1: doing it too.
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  Speaker 2: What the hell, I've never heard this say.
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  Speaker 1: My god, it's amazing how many women are in prison
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  Speaker 1: here in the Carolina. It's because well, I put eye
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  Speaker 1: drops in his drinks. I'm sorry, Okay, you're forgiven.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. I mean I'm all for telling telling
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  Speaker 3: that story for sure.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Well, and that's what I love about what you do
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  Speaker 1: is because you generate enough energy inside our imaginations where
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  Speaker 1: we look at our own reality and see it happening.
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  Speaker 1: Whereas before it was like the blind Gorilla. We were
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  Speaker 1: just walking through life. We didn't see anything, but we
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  Speaker 1: hear this podcast the girlfriends trust me, babe, and it's like,
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  Speaker 1: oh my god, this is going on around me.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I would always stress that these are
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  Speaker 3: really exceptional stories.
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  Speaker 2: That's why they're so hard to find.
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  Speaker 3: But they do all kind of plug into a bigger
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  Speaker 3: universal truth. I mean, obviously, I'm always talking about the
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  Speaker 3: experiences of women.
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  Speaker 2: I'm centering women and marginalized people in the show.
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  Speaker 3: That's the whole beat. And so there are these bigger
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  Speaker 3: truths about domestic violence, gendered violence, stuff like that that
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  Speaker 3: are happening all around us. I just happen to tell
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  Speaker 3: the most dramatic version of that story.
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  Speaker 1: Well, you do something in here with rule number two
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  Speaker 1: that everybody should know. In fact, my martial arts instructor
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  Speaker 1: even taught me this in the very early day, early
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  Speaker 1: stages of martial arts. Girls will pack up. In other words,
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  Speaker 1: they are going to get together and whatever they're going
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  Speaker 1: to do to make sure they get the right information
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  Speaker 1: right now. Oh my god, I love the way that
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  Speaker 1: you brought that forward. They will gather together in all
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  Speaker 1: that talking.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, like people talk about the male loneliness epidemic
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  Speaker 3: at the moment, and one of the reasons that you
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  Speaker 3: don't hear about that when it comes to women is
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  Speaker 3: because they're so good at looking out for their friends.
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  Speaker 2: If one of your friends is.
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  Speaker 3: Screwed over by a guy like Derek, you bet her
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  Speaker 3: girlfriends are coming around and they're going to make a
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  Speaker 3: plan and they're going to support each other. And guys
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  Speaker 3: should take a you know, take some hints from that
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  Speaker 3: and some tips and learn how to be there for
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  Speaker 3: their friends.
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  Speaker 1: What's really interesting about this is the fact that you
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  Speaker 1: really do paint Derek as this person who you know,
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  Speaker 1: tries to be all these different roles. I've always believed
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  Speaker 1: that the con artists were the truck drivers, are the
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  Speaker 1: people that traveled on highways and things. No, No, you're
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  Speaker 1: proving to us that it could be everyday average Jimmy Johnson.
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  Speaker 1: And you're going, what the what the I never even
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  Speaker 1: even thought about that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
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  Speaker 3: I mean it's these women were not dumb, they were
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  Speaker 3: not naive. I think it's really easy to look at
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  Speaker 3: this story and think, oh, that would never happen to me. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: but it it would because Derek just came across like
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  Speaker 3: a normal guy.
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  Speaker 1: See, and that just scared I'm a guy, and that
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  Speaker 1: scares the crap out of me. I mean, they see
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  Speaker 1: how you're affecting people. It's not just the guy. Even
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  Speaker 1: though it's about a guy, but we still we still
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  Speaker 1: sit here and think, oh my god, this is really
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  Speaker 1: going on around us. This isn't a binge watch.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I mean men can be victims of these
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  Speaker 3: sort of con artists too. Yep. It's an easy way
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  Speaker 3: in to, you know, manipulate someone who wants to be loved.
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  Speaker 2: It's a dirty, easy way in, but it is.
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  Speaker 3: But you know, a heterosexual man can be conned by
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  Speaker 3: another heterosexual man through friendship, through business, through anything, you know.
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  Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to deal with sex at all.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, that's one of the things that you talk
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  Speaker 1: about this when it comes to you know, what's happening
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  Speaker 1: in this story is that it happens in all walks
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  Speaker 1: of life. All people just be more aware.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely be aware.
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  Speaker 3: But also, and you know, and what I mean by
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  Speaker 3: that is, don't be naive to let strangers into your
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  Speaker 3: life in a kind of intimate way without kind of
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  Speaker 3: due diligence, and don't pass over your finances and stuff
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  Speaker 3: like that. But I think also it's really important the
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  Speaker 3: series ends with a sort of message about not losing
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  Speaker 3: faith in love and not becoming too guarded. You can't
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  Speaker 3: go through your entire life just expecting the worst to happen,
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  Speaker 3: because these stories are rare. But it's about kind of
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  Speaker 3: making sure you build up your communities so that if
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  Speaker 3: anything bad were to happen in any part of your life,
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  Speaker 3: you have people around you to fall back on.
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  Speaker 2: And that's what these women had. They had each other.
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  Speaker 1: I want to know how many of the older generation
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  Speaker 1: before the app came into play in our smartphones are
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  Speaker 1: going to reach out to you and say, Anna, we
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  Speaker 1: got to talk, because this is really going to rock
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  Speaker 1: a lot of worlds because this is not just something
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  Speaker 1: that happened in the digital age. This has been going
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  Speaker 1: on in fact. And the reason why I say that,
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  Speaker 1: I think my own damn dad was a con artist
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  Speaker 1: because this man had three women with children, and I'm going,
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  Speaker 1: how the hell did this even happen because he's a corner.
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  Speaker 1: But you know, everybody's gone now, so I can't get
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  Speaker 1: any answers. I'm going to go to my own grave
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  Speaker 1: scene my dad was a con artist.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I mean it's a shame that everybody's gone
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  Speaker 3: because what a kind of personal.
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  Speaker 2: Story to dig into.
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  Speaker 3: But yeah, you're right, this has been going on a
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  Speaker 3: really long time. I mean people have been conning people
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  Speaker 3: since since the dawn of time. But even in this
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  Speaker 3: specific instance in Trust Me Babe, the first NOME case
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  Speaker 3: we have of Derek conning someone is nineteen ninety four
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  Speaker 3: when he was a student at college, and so that's
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  Speaker 3: a really early start. That was before dating apps. And
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  Speaker 3: so I think how many people have not come forward
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  Speaker 3: that are between those stretches. That's something I'd be really
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  Speaker 3: interested to hear from, like anyone who has stories that
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  Speaker 3: haven't been yet, because I'm sure there's many.
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  Speaker 1: And how many people go to a hockey game, like
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  Speaker 1: Lisa expecting to watch the game and oh my god,
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  Speaker 1: there's a new dude. Oh my god, he's a pretty
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  Speaker 1: cool guy. Yeah, I'm gonna go to a game now
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  Speaker 1: thinking you're being nice to me for what reason today?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah?
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  Speaker 3: Well, you know you've always got to watch out for
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  Speaker 3: people on the other side at these games, right, So
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  Speaker 3: keep your wits about you.
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  Speaker 1: You'd be brilliant, Anna, And you know my door is
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  Speaker 1: always open. Please come back and have a great time.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, thank you so much. It was lovely to chat