Latest / The Christian Reeve Podcast / Reflecting On Life | The Christian Reeve Podcast #187

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Reflecting On Life | The Christian Reeve Podcast #187 · The Christian Reeve Podcast

0:00
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Christian Reef
0:04
podcast today is bit different. I'm going to wing it as they say
0:12
which to be honest in my life, I think I've spent most of my life
0:17
winging, it today is a bit of a weird one because I had an
0:25
actual guests that were supposed to be joining me today, but, you
0:29
know, For though, while for those listening, who are
0:31
podcasters, who, who listen to podcasts regularly, you'll know
0:35
that occasionally, you get no-shows.
0:37
Meaning, people just don't show up this particular person, they
0:42
had their agent or I guess secretary, something like that.
0:46
Contact me to set it up. This was back in September, I
0:51
believe. And normally I don't talk about
0:57
this because, you know, it's just one of those things that
1:01
happens. But I wanted to talk about it
1:04
right now just because I'm a little bit frustrated.
1:09
Today, I went to work. I worked a whole shift at the
1:14
bar, which for anyone that listens to me, knows, me knows
1:18
that. It's very hard, strenuous work
1:20
and negotiated to get to finish an hour earlier so that I could
1:25
rush home and be here for this. And to then find out that the
1:30
person isn't showing up, is just a bit disappointing to be
1:35
honest. but, Instead of letting it kind of stopped me from doing
1:45
a show because I thought about all, maybe I'll just do some
1:48
content for the patreon. I've got plenty of content, I
1:50
need to do but I don't want to neglect not doing a show for the
1:56
podcast. I've been keeping this up now
1:59
for two years and I have no intention of stopping.
2:03
I love doing this and to be fair, you know, it gives me more
2:06
of an opportunity to do more topic-based. 10, which I love
2:12
doing as well. It's challenging actually to
2:16
talk for like an hour about a topic at length because it's
2:20
much easier to interview someone, you know, let them talk
2:23
or you know, just me guide the conversation whatever, but my
2:27
experience with the patreon content, life with Christian
2:31
Reeve, which you can check out our patreon / Christian reef is
2:34
just me doing this talking like this.
2:37
And I've only really done it here in.
2:39
They're on the podcast because I just never felt like those shows
2:44
were as good, but I don't know this, they seem to be
2:48
well-received lately. Obviously the audience is
2:51
growing as well, so it makes me think, like, maybe I should do
2:54
more of these, who knows? Maybe the show will have far
2:58
more topics in the future, but then I sort of sat down and
3:02
thought wall, what do I do then? What do I talk about?
3:06
Because that's always the thing, isn't it?
3:08
Yeah. II have to Something planned, I
3:11
have to have structure. I think any show any good show,
3:15
we'll have structure to it. And I've noticed that shows that
3:20
aren't good. Tend not to have structure
3:23
because, you know, everyone seems to have a podcast these
3:27
days and it's nothing special anymore, but having a good
3:30
podcast, that's the challenge. And I still feel like the
3:35
journey is very much beginning for me.
3:37
I mean, it's been two years and I feel A lot more confident but
3:40
I still feel like I'm learning a lot and I feel like there's far
3:46
more growth to be had and you know, there's a lot of shows
3:51
that I listen to to gain inspiration from and to get
3:54
better. And certainly the the live
3:57
streams have helped significantly in kind of being
4:01
able to be more confident, talking in front of a camera to
4:04
keep a conversation going. But this is the ultimate
4:06
Challenge because there's no prompts, there's no comments.
4:09
It's just A camera microphone and whatever I can think of.
4:14
But I do have somewhat of a plan.
4:18
So I have this sheet of paper. It's Christian old, I don't know
4:22
how old it is, but basically I wrote a bunch of questions in
4:27
the event that I would have a show where I wouldn't have many
4:32
questions to ask my guest and, you know, occasionally this
4:34
happens where you do your research for someone and there's
4:36
a couple of shows coming up soon where I don't have much to go.
4:39
Go on which kind of forces me to often, kind of just come up with
4:45
stuff on the spot, which I often do with podcasts, that's kind of
4:50
more ideal to be honest, because that's more of a free-flowing
4:53
conversation as opposed, to just continuously reading from a
4:56
piece of paper and kind of going through the motions and going
4:59
from questions. Your question, I always prefer
5:02
for it to be more of a discussion as opposed to just a
5:05
straight interview. But you know, it depends on the
5:07
guest, you know, different people come.
5:09
Different intentions, different motivation.
5:12
Some people want to just kind of promote themselves, which I
5:14
totally get, but I'm still going to try and get that conversation
5:17
from them. Other people more interested in
5:20
having that conversation and other people kind of want to fit
5:23
somewhere in the middle. I don't know.
5:24
We've had many amazing guests on the show and hopefully we'll
5:27
have many more in the future but yeah I have this sheet of paper
5:32
and it's got a bunch of questions on it.
5:33
Many of which I've never asked my guests.
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There's a few questions that. That I think I've begun to add
5:43
two shows here and there. So obviously biggest life lesson
5:46
and best advice, a two of those. One that I've started adding
5:49
recently is what would your legacy be or how I've written?
5:55
It is, what would you like your legacy to be?
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And so I'm going to start answering these questions, one
6:04
by one and see if it's a good show.
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I hope it is for anybody listening.
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Thank you for listening to the show.
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I hope you enjoy it and let's hope that we can start 2023
6:18
strong. I still have a few guests left
6:20
and a few topics in mind for the rest of the year.
6:24
And then we'll start strong into next year into year.
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Three of the podcast. I didn't even think I got to 10
6:31
episodes, but here we are. So what would you like your
6:36
legacy to be? I think this is one of those
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questions that changes all the time in terms of the answer.
6:45
For me. I think I would like it.
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If you know, every time I do a show, there wasn't Sirens going
6:55
past and ruining it. This is something so many times.
7:01
Okay, slight, we'll come back to that.
7:03
Will Circle back, might as well talk about this.
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So I live right next to a main road you may or may not be able
7:10
to hear all the loud traffic that's going past right now.
7:14
I can hear it. It's deafening.
7:17
What's the worst thing you could have on a podcast is deader?
7:20
And I think I've I worked hard not to have that but every now
7:23
and again, they'll be a loud sound or a loud noise or a
7:26
siren, and it's deafening and I can't tell how loud it is in the
7:31
mix and the Final Mix until I hear it afterwards more often
7:35
than not, it's kind of muffled but I could still hear it.
7:37
And just bugs me and often it will it will start going.
7:43
We write like a really, I don't know.
7:48
Poignant moment. Maybe I've asked my question
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already. So I've asked my guests are like
7:52
really serious question and suddenly there's the sirens
7:55
which is just very distracting and annoying.
8:00
Also, I don't have a directional mic.
8:02
I have like this Mike, which I don't know, I don't know much
8:05
about Mike's which is pretty silly for a podcast and not to
8:08
know. But I've just, you know, I got
8:10
this, i got this particular mic because of the donations.
8:14
Shout-out to still Z still Julie German.
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Content, creator and streamer. Who was on my show, very early
8:22
on and also help to unpatriotic and was gracious enough to
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donate a ton of money to me in the very beginning when in back
8:32
in 2020 when I was first starting out and I just had some
8:35
shitty Mike I got from Europe that was like fifteen dollars or
8:40
Euros or whatever and he was eager to see that I was like
8:42
struggling and was like, here here's an investment and I was
8:46
like, oh my God, I just didn't know Know what to say and he was
8:48
like, just use it, keep creating keep pushing.
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And I've never stopped since and I'll never stop saying thank
8:55
you. Because that was that meant a
8:57
lot to me because it's enabled me to do this show with this
9:00
microphone and it also enabled me at the time to buy a sort of
9:04
a cheapish guitar and start writing music again.
9:06
So just steals. The really helped me out shell.
9:10
Auntie really helped me out in a massive way and I'll never stop
9:13
thanking him. So, thank you.
9:16
But yeah, I so I don't, I don't have the kind of, I guess.
9:21
Professional equipment that everyone needs.
9:23
My equipment is better than it used to be for those who were
9:27
watching the show in the very early days.
9:29
When I first went to webcam, I mean, I think the first 19
9:33
episodes I didn't have a camera at all, remember correctly.
9:37
And then after that, I got a webcam, people kept pushing me
9:40
to to get video. They like, come on.
9:42
You should. You should do video and I'm
9:43
like, yeah. But I just My cat, my webcam on
9:46
my computer is trash obviously and then I sort of bought one
9:51
initially and it was okay but then it broke off the like a few
9:55
months. And then I finally got this one
9:58
which is the one I'm have been using ever since and it's okay.
10:02
You know sometimes the quality comes out really crap and I
10:04
don't understand because it's a 2K camera but we move.
10:09
Anyway, let's get back to that question.
10:14
What would you like your legacy to be?
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I think I would like my legacy to be.
10:23
One. whereby people were And there is again, it's a Saturday
10:34
night, I don't know what to expect everything that could go
10:37
wrong right now is going wrong. it's very, you know, what's
10:45
funny about this actually It's funny because it represents my
10:50
life right now. Every time I try to get things
10:54
done, All right. I try to you know, make a move
10:58
forward. I find myself going three steps
11:01
back and it's a constant struggle every single day and
11:06
some days are better than others.
11:07
And some days are amazing, and I'll get loads done with the
11:11
acting with podcasting music live streaming, all those
11:14
different things and I'll be really proud of myself.
11:17
Other days, I get nothing done or things, just keep going wrong
11:20
and I feel like I don't have a firm grasp will grip on what's
11:24
going on and it. Frustrating.
11:27
And I never think about giving up, I never think about that,
11:33
but sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it.
11:37
Sometimes I'm thinking are no one cares.
11:39
People do care. I know.
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They care. They tell me, they care.
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And I'm so grateful and I'd taken back by that and it's, you
11:49
know, I keep going for them and I keep going for me as well
11:52
because I believe there's something to this, but, it just
11:57
gets frustrating every once in a while, and You know, you know
12:03
how it is. It's me myself.
12:06
And I kind of thing, you know, when you're alone with your
12:08
thoughts, sometimes it can be brutal.
12:11
Sometimes your mind. Punishes you, and you just find
12:14
yourself kind of having this constant battle with yourself
12:18
thinking about whether you should continue or whether you
12:21
should stop, if you're kidding yourself.
12:25
A ton of people lately, have told me, they believe in me and
12:28
have told me to keep going. And I want to keep going.
12:34
And sometimes when I talk to people in real life, they you
12:37
know I'll tell them, I'm doing these things and you know they
12:40
just kind of give me that sideways look like yeah.
12:42
Okay pal. All right.
12:44
Then every once in a while, someone will be interested or
12:49
take notice or you know, just say hey, that's amazing.
12:53
I'd like to check that out, you know?
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It's a very confusing time. I'm leading like a double life
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right now, you know, part of my life is online, acting music
13:06
podcasting live, streaming, all that stuff and then the other
13:10
part is this life where just everything is chaos.
13:16
Like these constant Sirens that keep going.
13:18
Past the bar work that's taken over My Life, 50 hours a week or
13:25
whatever it is. Not having a lot of time to get
13:30
things done. It's very chaotic.
13:33
The problems I have at home. Like, you know, with my landlord
13:40
and living situation, which I'm trying to get out of and trying
13:43
to move to somewhere new. Hopefully and I'm hoping, you
13:47
know, I'm hoping, I'm hoping that next year is my year and I
13:50
know that's the most cliche thing to say.
13:51
But I turn 30 next year, and I guess I'm looking at my life and
13:58
going What is my life? What have I achieved?
14:02
What have I done? And sometimes I feel successful,
14:06
sometimes I feel like a failure. I really don't know what to make
14:11
of it. On good days.
14:15
I feel like I'm headed in the right direction and like next
14:18
year is going to be the year when it happens, when it finally
14:21
happens. And I realized my true potential
14:25
Another part of me thinks. What if it doesn't happen What
14:30
if I just keep trying. And it just never want my works
14:33
out. I'm just constantly chasing a
14:36
dream for nothing. I love doing this, I'll never
14:42
stop doing this, but I think my heart would break if it never
14:47
happened. That's about as real as I can
14:52
get with you. Maybe that's what this show is
14:56
supposed to be today, without me being as candid and as real as I
15:01
can be with you about Where I kind of see things going, and
15:06
what I think. I desperately want to succeed.
15:13
But it's not about money. It's not about Fame status, any
15:17
of those things. It's like an inner drive inside
15:21
me. It's like Something deep within
15:25
telling me that I need to do this, like if I don't do this,
15:29
I'll just be miserable. And for years, when I was
15:33
working in corporate marketing abroad and you know doing all
15:36
these things that I thought I was happy and then I wasn't and
15:40
I got frustrated and angry at myself.
15:41
I was like why why are you unhappy?
15:45
What's wrong with you? You know, you've got your
15:47
degree, you've got work, you know, things are looking up pal.
15:50
Like you know, it's kushti, just sit at desk and do your
15:54
marketing thing and it's easy and you get paid for it but
15:58
something felt wrong. Something felt like it was
16:00
missing from my life, in inevitably, it was creativity,
16:04
can't even say it. Probably creativity.
16:06
All things creative. I thought it was just music and
16:09
the fact that I given up on that dream but it was so much more
16:12
than that when I discovered acting.
16:14
And I discovered voice acting and, you know, just doing
16:19
content creation. When I, when I started believing
16:21
in myself that I could do this, that's when things started
16:25
changing. when I started thinking, hey, maybe Maybe I do
16:32
have something. Maybe I'm not that person that's
16:36
constantly overlooked. Because that's certainly how I
16:39
felt my whole life. I've constantly felt like I'm
16:42
having to prove myself to everybody.
16:44
I've constantly felt like I'm a nobody I've constantly had
16:48
people telling me like are, you know, manage your expectations,
16:52
buddy. You know, make sure you you
16:54
realized, you know, there's limitations, make sure you
16:58
realize you're not that you're not that big, you know, you're
17:01
not a big deal. You're not special, you're not
17:03
talented. You're, you know, I had it all.
17:05
When I was younger, told I was told that was stupid.
17:07
I was told that Spoke too much. I was told that I would never
17:11
amount to anything, you know, I heard it all and in the early
17:15
years it used to really get to me and then something changed
17:19
and I started getting angry and annoyed in it.
17:21
And I started sort of developing like a chip on my shoulder.
17:25
Well, I was like, no, fuck you like, why?
17:27
What? Why?
17:30
What gives you the right to tell me that?
17:33
What gives you the right to tell me that this is a hobby or that
17:36
this is All our leverage even I never get anywhere.
17:40
Like what gives you the right to say that nobody gets to say that
17:43
to me. And in the end, it's all just
17:46
opinions and it doesn't matter, you know, what matters is, what
17:51
your soul is telling you. What is your inner voice?
17:55
Whatever is in your heart. What does your heart?
17:57
Tell you? That's what you should follow.
18:00
That's what I think I should follow.
18:03
You know it's funny. I do these live streams in a
18:05
give people advice and you notice that a joke of like
18:09
Practice What You Preach? Am I doing it?
18:11
Am I doing the things that I tell people to do?
18:15
Yes I am. Do I really believe in it?
18:18
All of it? I try to I really try to.
18:23
I want to, I want to believe in it just like I want to believe
18:28
in things like you know, finding the one being in love, all that
18:31
stuff, all that romantic stuff. All the stuff I grew up seeing
18:35
in movies and films and God knows what else, and just
18:38
wanting to believe in. All of that, wanting to believe
18:40
in that dreams come true. And all of that seeing people
18:44
realize their dreams and potential around me and thinking
18:48
that could be me That could be me, it should be me, but I don't
18:53
want to be them. I want to be me.
18:55
I want to be the best version of me that I can be.
18:59
I really believe I could do this.
19:02
But again, it's not about money or fame or any of those things.
19:05
It's it's about my inner voice telling me that, that's what I
19:09
need to do with my life. Telling me that I've got
19:14
something to give to the world. I don't know what it is, maybe
19:18
I'm just diluted, I don't know. But I feel like I have something
19:21
to give and I feel like every single day It just changes one
19:28
minute. I feel like I've got something
19:30
to give. This is it?
19:31
I'm doing it. I'm doing it.
19:32
Like it's going somewhere the next day I feel like What am I
19:36
doing? I'm just kidding myself.
19:39
And I constantly hear about stories of people who finally
19:43
got there, one day going through the same thing and, you know,
19:48
it's like I heard that story about that guy from The Office,
19:52
think his name's John Krasinski or how he say his name.
19:55
He's now a big massive movie star, but before he got the
19:59
office, The Story Goes that he moved out to wherever it was New
20:03
York or somewhere to pursue acting.
20:07
And you know, he was working in The jobs to I'm working in bars
20:11
restaurants weather and he said to his mum like whole, hey, this
20:17
is the amount of time I've put into this.
20:20
If it gets to this point, you know, and I come to you and I
20:23
say I'm done like just You know I'll come back and I'll end it
20:28
kind of thing, you know, he but he wanted her to know that.
20:30
And then what happened was he was pursuing it and it just
20:35
wasn't working out and he said to her.
20:37
Oh I'm about ready to quit and then she told him just go on a
20:42
few more months. And so he was like, fine.
20:46
Okay, sure. What does a few months hurt?
20:50
I'll do it. And in those two months, that's
20:54
when he landed the office and his life changed forever.
20:57
All right, here, that stories like that.
20:59
And I'm just like, what? If I gave up and then they have
21:04
the opportunity was right around the corner.
21:07
You know what? If I gave up and the next day,
21:10
you know, that that would be the day that I signed a contract and
21:14
became like this big movie star or you know, landed some big
21:17
voice, acting roles, you know, got to work on Family Guy or
21:20
something. Get what get to work with Seth
21:22
MacFarlane. That would be a dream of Mine.
21:23
By the way, whatever, you know, just various different goals
21:28
that could be actualized could be realized and they're just
21:32
Slither away just a little bit further away.
21:37
Stories like that. Make me think that's why I
21:39
should keep going. But the bigger reason is all
21:42
those people that do believe in me and do care and do listen.
21:47
Now I feel like I sense of responsibility to those people
21:51
and that's one of the reasons why I'm doing this show today.
21:53
It's because I do have this responsibility now to provide
21:58
content to to create good, meaningful content and let its
22:02
objective. I know that some people will
22:04
listen to this and think that this show is complete ass.
22:07
I'm sure people will listen and be like, what's this guy
22:09
rambling on about what is who does he think he is?
22:12
Does he think he's like next Joe Rogan or something?
22:14
Well, I want to be I will not Like, I don't want to be
22:18
identical, I want to do my own thing, but I would like to try
22:21
and give it a go and see where I could go with.
22:24
I think that's kind of a big thing as well.
22:26
I'm not necessarily trying to be like the world's best podcast or
22:29
something. But I am trying to see how far I
22:32
can take this. See where I could go.
22:35
What it could lead to what? What I could achieve feel like
22:38
I'm forging something right now. I don't know what it is but I
22:42
feel like I should just keep going and keep trying and see
22:46
where the journey takes me. That's kind of just how I live
22:49
my life. A lot of the time it's like
22:52
let's just find out. Let's see what happens.
22:55
Maybe it'll lead something good, maybe it won't.
22:58
If nothing else at least, I'll have stories to tell.
23:02
Should we finally answer that question then because this that
23:05
the third attempt now and there's been so many sirens
23:09
ruining my blooming podcast. What would I like my legacy to
23:13
be? Well I think I've touched on it
23:15
a little bit so far but I guess I would like people to look at
23:20
my body of work. And think there's a man who
23:25
tried his best and put his heart and soul into everything he did.
23:32
I would like it to be meaningful in some way, maybe get people
23:35
thinking in some shape or form. And hopefully Inspire or create
23:43
Joy. I think that's what I would like
23:46
my legacy to be that. And to inspire kindness in
23:50
everybody, some of my heroes include people like, you know,
23:53
Robin Williams who just lived. He was such a talented, like
23:57
actor and and comedian, but probably the best thing about
24:01
him above all else, was his kindness, how kind and genuine
24:05
he was or pure Soul. He was I think that The ultimate
24:10
goal. Be the purest, most kindest you
24:16
can be. What's the biggest life lesson
24:21
you've learned so far? I think someone asked me this
24:23
one time and I wasn't sure how to answer it, and they were
24:26
like, oh no universe. So, they fit my own question on
24:30
me. This one changes all the time.
24:37
I think the biggest life lesson, I've learnt.
24:42
I mean it could be many different things, but I'm going
24:47
to say, Be yourself and be yourself.
24:51
Absolutely, stop caring about what everybody thinks.
24:57
Just be you, no one is perfect, the goal should never be to
25:04
pursue Perfection. The goal should be to be the
25:06
best version of yourself that you can be.
25:09
That I think should be the goal. And that's what I try to do.
25:14
That's what the gym stuff is. That's what everything you see
25:17
me doing online is it's not just about like, I don't know,
25:20
Looking Good, Feeling Good, Feeling inspired whatever like
25:25
working hard. It's about like trying to be the
25:27
best. I can be better than I was.
25:30
They say, comparison is the thief of joy and I agree, but at
25:33
the same time, I think you should constantly be comparing
25:36
yourself to what you once were who you once were.
25:41
You know, one of my favorite shows is Doctor Who and I think
25:45
one of the most, my favorite the reasons why it's one of my
25:49
favorite shows is, you know, because every single doctor is
25:52
completely different and teachers different lessons and
25:54
has different stories and different personalities, and
25:57
whatever. And I remember one time when
25:59
Matt Smith was about to leave his speech at the end. who's
26:04
talking about being the doctor, but it was A comment on human
26:09
life and how you know, we are many different people throughout
26:13
our lives and it's amazing to think about when I think about
26:17
how I used to be 5 years ago. 10 years ago they are different
26:21
people. If they would sit down in a room
26:23
together, they wouldn't get on. Ten years ago I was what 19 19
26:31
year. Old me would be Proud of me now
26:37
but also probably annoyed because 19 year old me was -
26:42
minded and frustrated at the world and angry and everything.
26:45
And just thought, that, anyone who was positive, was preaching
26:49
bullshit. You know, like drinking the
26:51
Kool-Aid kind of thing? Whereas me now, like I'm not
26:57
Captain positivity in the sense that I don't walk around
26:59
constantly with a smile on my face.
27:01
Okay, everything's great. You know, I'm a realist but at
27:04
the same time, positivity is a mindset that you have to have.
27:08
Its it will change your life. Trying to see the positives and
27:13
things. I don't think being positive is
27:16
about never being negative or or, you know, never let allowing
27:22
yourself to be sad or depressed or whatever.
27:24
I think it's more about just kind of trying to see the
27:27
positives in life trying to be exercised gratefulness in life.
27:32
Maybe. I don't know.
27:34
Again, I'm still figuring it all out.
27:37
My twenties has taught me so much and next year, we'll do an
27:40
episode when I And 30 will will do an episode reflecting what
27:44
I've learned in my 20s. But one thing I will say about
27:47
it is that the lessons keep coming and they don't stop
27:50
coming and sometimes they're really hard.
27:52
Sometimes they're a bit easier mostly, they've been pretty
27:56
hard, but necessary. and, I know it's probably weird to say but
28:05
I'm just going to say it. I'm proud of myself because I
28:09
remember how I used to be And I'm glad that I'm not like that
28:13
anymore. I'm glad that I've gotten better
28:16
and improve my mindset and I wish that for everybody else, I
28:19
wish whoever is listening to this or watching this.
28:23
I wish you the best in becoming. The best version of you that you
28:29
can be. One of my main life goes well I
28:33
guess this ties into the Legacy thing a little bit but yeah, wow
28:38
it's you know, it's pretty simple stuff.
28:40
I just want to be a full-time actor for the most part of want
28:45
that to be my main profession, either voice acting or acting.
28:48
I think there might be more potential with voice acting.
28:52
Maybe I just don't have the look for acting maybe.
28:55
I don't know, I am a bit weird. Looking, I know I've got like a
28:57
slightly lazy eye and I know that I've got, like, a massive I
29:01
did a bit of a toll face or whatever, you know, I'm sort of
29:06
average-looking, I guess. Whatever, you know, but voice
29:14
acting is that it doesn't matter how you look how you sound and I
29:18
love doing it. You know?
29:19
I would love to do on screen stuff.
29:21
I'd love to do more of it because I like to use all of my
29:23
body in the performance. And I really feel like you can
29:27
really convey a lot of emotion in when you're doing on screen
29:32
acting. But if it's just meant to be
29:35
voice acting, I would consider that a real success and I would,
29:40
I would love that out. I think there's quite a few
29:42
goals. I have with voice acting.
29:45
One of them would be to voice a character, that's completely
29:49
original and new. And hopefully beloved, I'd love
29:54
to create a or, or voice a beloved character that people
29:59
remember. And, and enjoy and I would love
30:02
to meet those fans and celebrate with them and in enjoy.
30:08
That, you know what I mean? I think that would be awesome.
30:11
I would love to just voice a lot of different characters because
30:14
I just think that would be fun and challenging.
30:16
I would love to work with Seth MacFarlane because he's one of
30:19
my absolute Heroes. It'd be fun to appear in like
30:24
The Simpsons or something Family Guy, whatever show I would love
30:27
to do all that. I would love to release a record
30:33
one day for my music. I've written a lot of songs over
30:36
the years and it would be good to just get it out.
30:38
I don't have to be like a successful touring musician or
30:41
whatever, but it'd be nice to just be able to put my music out
30:45
there and have it out there and so it's like, okay, I've done
30:48
that. People can listen to it, people
30:50
can enjoy it or hate it. However you feel inclined and
30:54
it'd be nice to sort of do a mini tour of, and kind of
30:57
showcase that music to that would be a goal of mine.
31:00
I'd love for my podcast to get sponsored to grow up grow and
31:06
reach a lot of people around the world.
31:08
One of my goals is to, at least get the podcast to 10 years.
31:13
I'm two years in does not bad going into year three.
31:19
So be like, you know seven more years, that's pretty crazy to
31:22
think about. But I'd like, I'd at least like
31:24
to get to that. I don't know why I picked 10
31:27
years. I think I just thought I like,
31:29
oh, that'd be cool and it's just because I started in 2020.
31:33
So is a would like feasibly the goal would end the 23rd.
31:37
I'm not saying I would end it then but like, you know II guess
31:39
I'll have to see how I feel. You know, seven years is a long
31:42
time but that would be cool. That would be cool when it comes
31:47
to content creation online. I don't have any particular
31:51
goals other than to just reach as many people as possible and
31:56
just have fun. You know, there's not really any
31:58
particular goals there. One thing.
32:02
That's a bit of a goal of mine, you know, I said before that, I
32:06
don't care about fame or status or money, or anything like that,
32:08
and it's true. Like, I want to be financially
32:11
stable. I would like to be able to
32:13
pursue all the different things I want to do in life and not
32:15
have to constantly be paid chasing a paycheck and, and
32:18
worrying about things, you know, you know.
32:21
But we all feel that way, like, you know, but if it came to be
32:25
like, I'm working full-time jobs, but I get to do the stuff
32:28
on the side that would be fine, too.
32:31
I mean, I'm doing it now. Now.
32:32
So, you know, there's that and I see there's lots of people that
32:35
do that as well and they're very happy and maybe I could find a
32:39
role that would make me happy and wouldn't take up too much of
32:43
my time and then, I'd still have time to do all this stuff.
32:46
Maybe I could make it work. I don't know.
32:48
Again, I'm still figuring out but you know, it'd be nice to do
32:54
it. Full time to do all those
32:56
different things. I feel like live streaming.
33:02
Is a lot of fun. It kind of comes.
33:04
It feels like it comes naturally to me.
33:05
I don't ever go in with a plan. I mean I do music streams which
33:10
they're kind of structured, but the talkin ones are just come in
33:13
and they're just wait for people to talk and I just talk to them,
33:16
you know, keep it simple but we talked about all sorts of stuff
33:20
and it's it just be fun to kind of take that somewhere, you
33:24
know, that'd be fun other goals. I've never spoken about you, you
33:27
might be surprised but some of these, I'd like to do a travel
33:30
show. I'd like to tour the world and
33:34
basically be like, I don't know, this Century's answer to like
33:37
Michael Palin or something because I love travel, I Love
33:41
Culture, I do you know who doesn't right?
33:45
But I would love to just I have a passion for life.
33:48
I have a real passion for like I love to whatever I'm doing in
33:53
life. I like to give my entire heart
33:55
and soul into it, you know, if its food I like to sit there and
33:58
enjoy that, like it's the best thing I've ever had in my life.
34:00
If I'm traveling, I want to do It you know, I want to do things
34:05
to the fullest extent possible and I feel like I might be a
34:09
good host for a travel show because I could lend some kind
34:14
of enthusiasm and passion into it.
34:16
That might Inspire other people to go traveling or maybe just
34:21
might bring some fun entertainment, you know, I don't
34:23
know. But and, you know, I would just
34:25
love to travel as well. I'll be fine.
34:28
I would love to have a TV show, you know, call it The Christian
34:32
Reeve show, the Christian way of experience or something, equally
34:35
unoriginal, that would be fun. I would love to appear on other
34:41
people's shows, more regularly because I've only done it a
34:44
little bit, but it'd be cool to be like a recurring guest on
34:47
people's shows that. That would be fun and to make
34:51
more friends, online and stuff and do that.
34:54
I just try to think of other goals.
34:56
I have. I'm sure there are many more but
34:59
I can't think of any right now and this show must Just keep
35:02
going on. What is your lowest or darkest
35:07
moment? And what did you learn from it?
35:10
Wow, okay. There's a few of those.
35:20
So I'll raffle off a few off the top of my head.
35:22
When I was a teenager, I was about 16 17, I was in sixth form
35:28
and I was getting bullied by friends people that were
35:30
supposed to be my friends who had fallen out with years prior
35:35
and I think I might spoken about this on the show before, so I'll
35:38
give a cliff notes version. Basically, I decided to give
35:42
them another chance, I thought, oh maybe things have changed,
35:44
you know, we're in 64. Now things are different so I
35:48
did and then it all started. Again but it got even worse and,
35:53
you know, they would always joke.
35:55
Oh, it's banter. Oh it's fun.
35:56
But you know it's not so fun when you've got people like
35:58
throwing stuff at you and just spitting at you and you know
36:03
just trying to fuck with you trying to ruin your work.
36:06
Everything. And I think the most distressing
36:09
part about that was that I felt powerless and I felt pathetic at
36:14
the time because I was like, I'm like, 16 17, this shouldn't
36:18
still be happening. Why is this still happening?
36:20
What's wrong with me? You know, I felt weak.
36:23
I felt Yeah, just week like I just couldn't fix that situation
36:31
and I remember being really distressed and, you know, my mom
36:35
tried to be there for me as best she could.
36:37
But Really I needed to stand up to those people.
36:40
By just didn't have the guts then. and I don't have regrets
36:44
in life, you know, obviously you make mistakes in life you grow
36:48
but you know, I wish I could, if I could go back, I'd go back to
36:52
then and try and Inspire some courage and that in that young
36:55
kid man, I try and tell them like, Hey, listen, Try to be a
37:00
bit stronger and face up to this stuff and don't let people treat
37:03
you that way. That was a pretty low moment.
37:06
I felt pretty distressed. It did end eventually it sort of
37:08
fizzled out. But you know I left that
37:13
situation carrying that weakness with me for years to come.
37:16
It it wasn't rectified. And then years later I obviously
37:20
got into like sort of a toxic relationship and let that person
37:24
walk all over me and you know and it was a weird one because
37:27
you know they weren't all bad either. there was plenty of
37:30
positives to that person too, but it was mostly negative and I
37:34
suppose because the question is, what's your darkest, the lowest
37:38
moment. And what did you learn from it?
37:39
I guess the biggest thing I've learned is to not.
37:42
Let people walk all over you. Don't let people manipulate you
37:48
Whatever your heart is telling you, good or bad like it's, it's
37:53
your heart. Trying to tell you something,
37:55
it's your intuition, your, it's your inner voice trying to
37:57
protect you. And I guess I never listen to
38:02
that. I used, I chose to ignore.
38:03
I chose to be like are you know I'm just being too weak.
38:08
I need to be stronger. I, you know, like with this this
38:12
person like I was constantly told that I was not good enough
38:16
that I was getting things wrong and you know, the problem was
38:19
that they just weren't a very empathetic person but There were
38:24
plenty of things, I needed to learn and I did years later.
38:28
But again, that's the case in point when you're going through
38:31
things at the time, it's very easy to say this and be like,
38:35
oh, you know, I would have done this different, I would have
38:36
done this differently, you know, it's like no, you wouldn't in
38:39
that moment. You only know how you feel and
38:44
the tools at your disposal and I just felt powerless and that's a
38:48
feeling that I felt a lot in my life, is a sense of
38:51
powerlessness and what do I do? And Panic.
38:53
And now I've just learned you know what?
38:56
Stuff happens in life and you're often powerless to stop it,
39:00
prevent it or change it, but you can control how you feel about
39:05
things and how you approach things you can, for example,
39:09
choose to remain calm during these situations, you know, as I
39:13
suffer a little bit from anxiety and I tried to kind of keep it
39:16
at Bay as best I can. There are days when I feel like
39:23
I achieve a lot and because that's the thing, like, you
39:28
might be powerless to stop things.
39:30
But, you know, there's always things you can do to try and
39:33
make a situation better or to get yourself out of the
39:35
situation. Like, take my current situation
39:37
right now. Okay, I work in this bar and
39:41
it's too many hours. Okay, so what do I do?
39:45
Ideally, I quit that job. Find a new job, find one that
39:48
has less hours, but pays more or about the same and allows me to
39:52
do this more. That's how you Rectify that
39:54
situation, or it's at least one way that you fix that situation
39:58
either ways would be pursuing these things and trying to
40:01
monetize them. Like today, I managed to there
40:05
was an option. Basically, my podcast is hosted
40:08
on a platform called called anchor and it basically it's
40:11
like a distribution platform and it is Tributes to Spotify, Apple
40:16
podcasts. Google podcasts.
40:18
All sorts of platforms and but and there's options to monetize.
40:24
Their always has been, but it's only been for the American
40:26
audience or American uses, sorry, but now it appears that
40:31
they're opening it up or there's like listener support now.
40:34
So if you want to be able if you want to support the show you can
40:37
they might be a prompt in whatever app that you use.
40:41
So check that out. And thank you so much. but like
40:46
the point is like opportunities like that come up once in a
40:49
while and it's like all, maybe there's something to this or
40:52
like for instance, when I So I looked at my patreon again,
40:57
which I've had open for like a year or something, but there was
41:01
never anything decent in it. You know, I had like old podcast
41:03
content but it wasn't really structured.
41:05
It was just like clips and old stuff or whatever.
41:08
You know wasn't really something that's actually worth
41:11
subscribing for you know, if people going to pay you good
41:14
money to support you, they should get something back.
41:17
Really And so, that's when I decided to create that life with
41:21
Christian Reeves series and they're getting, I'm always open
41:23
to ideas and whatever else I can add to the patreon or whatever
41:30
else. You know, please, if you have
41:32
ideas things that you'd like to see me, do talk about whatever,
41:35
let me know, I would love to give them, give them a go, see
41:40
what I could do with them, see where I could go with them.
41:45
So, yeah, I hope I've answered that or I don't know.
41:49
I digress. What's the best piece of advice
41:53
you've ever been given? And why this is hard, because
41:59
people just give you advice all the time, don't they remember
42:03
one person said to me, variety is the spice of life And he was
42:07
talking about the ladies and he wasn't wrong.
42:11
But I've actually applied that to a lot in life.
42:14
Ironically, I find it or not, ironically it just is variety.
42:20
Truly is the spice of life because there's so much you can
42:25
do if you have a varied interesting life.
42:27
Whereas, if you limit yourself to only a few things, it's like
42:31
things can get very mundane very quickly and you can find
42:34
yourself feeling very frustrated or bored.
42:37
Bored. And I like to keep things fresh
42:39
and try lots of different things.
42:42
Not just because I have a lot of interest in goals and stuff in
42:45
life but also because it keeps things interesting.
42:47
That's like all what's the plan today?
42:49
Today, we're going to do acting today.
42:51
We're going to do music today, we're going to do a podcast like
42:54
it's just different and it requires different parts of you
42:58
as well. By the way, I approach a podcast
43:00
is completely different to the way I approach like creating
43:03
content or, you know, doing a music stream, for example, like,
43:07
it's a different process entirely and It.
43:12
It going back to like the whole thing of like, getting the best
43:16
out of yourself, I think it forces you to do that
43:19
constantly. It forces you to re-evaluate
43:21
things all the time and, and also, like look at keep doing
43:27
that as well being consistent with that.
43:28
So okay. Yeah, I've done a podcast for
43:32
nearly three years, but that doesn't mean that.
43:33
I'm now just suddenly like a really awesome podcaster.
43:37
And now I can just sit on my Laurels and everything's fine.
43:39
Like, even if I was one of the most successful podcast, Has
43:43
ever, I would steal always think like, what there's ways that
43:46
this can be better. There's things we can improve
43:48
this things. We can change this things.
43:49
We can monitor Etc. And I try to sort of employ that
43:55
mindset as much as I can. When I can What do you value?
44:02
Most in life and why? Hmm.
44:13
Love. Passion.
44:19
And people. love, because You have to have love in your life.
44:28
You really do? And you have to give it.
44:32
Even if you're not getting it, try to give it.
44:36
We need kindness. We need love in life, we need
44:39
these things. We need to give these things
44:41
because not everybody has these things in their life.
44:44
And when you give these things unconditionally, it's like you
44:50
can completely change people's lives, their minds.
44:54
I mean, it's amazing what you can do with the power of love
44:59
and it's a feeling as well. You feel it, you know, like it's
45:03
been a very long time since I was in love many, many years.
45:06
Ears. But I remember the feeling and
45:08
it's intoxicating but it's also amazing like looking at another
45:12
person and realizing that you love them and then and it
45:17
applies to everyone like, you know, I'm as I've gotten older,
45:20
for example, my relationship with, with my mother as been one
45:26
of deep respect, We've gone back and forth and, you know, as
45:31
families do. But The older, I get the more I
45:35
appreciate her, and everything she's done for me and I realized
45:39
just how hard she worked and continues to.
45:42
And I'm very grateful for what she taught me, and this ties
45:45
into another question. How did your upbringing shape
45:48
your life If it wasn't for my mom and the way she raised me, I
45:54
wouldn't be the man I am today. There was a lot of things I had
45:57
to learn on my own to become the man.
45:59
I am today. But now that I look back, I
46:02
really understand that. And my mom will say this
46:05
herself. She was firm.
46:07
But fair, she was strict, but she was fair.
46:10
And she did it because she wanted me to turn into a decent
46:13
human being. She didn't, she would tell me
46:16
this as well. When I was a kid.
46:17
She would say, I don't want you to go out.
46:19
They're into that world and piss people off and just get punched
46:23
in the face for the things you say and do and of course, I'd
46:26
laugh and be like, oh that's ridiculous but it's true.
46:29
The amount of people I meet in life that haven't been raised.
46:32
Well, you can tell soon as you meet them you're like, wow and
46:35
people will never say anything that's the thing because when
46:39
you meet other people in adult life, I guess the natural
46:43
expectation is, is that, you know, you think well this is
46:48
just not acceptable. I hate that.
46:49
You expect them to act a certain way but not everyone was raised
46:53
the same way. We were all raised differently
46:55
with different values, different beliefs, different interest,
46:58
whatever like and because of that, sometimes you meet people
47:03
that were raised very well, sometimes you meet people that
47:06
want, sometimes it's circumstantial and it wasn't
47:08
their fault. Obviously it's not their fault,
47:10
but you know what I mean? Like, it's something that
47:12
couldn't be helped other times. It is something that can't be
47:15
helped it changes from person to person.
47:19
But I've realized that she did a very good job of installing him.
47:24
Me a good moral code, I suppose. Yeah, I'm not going to paint
47:29
myself as like this perfect human being that goes around
47:31
like helping people all the time I go and I so great, you know,
47:35
but like I do try my very best when I can help people.
47:39
I help them and I don't make a big deal about it.
47:42
I'm not going to go all hey, I helped you on a great or give me
47:46
Kudos give me something like I just think it's to just help
47:49
people when you can and don't expect anything from from people
47:53
just help people. Then the mentality, I applied to
47:57
that is that, you know, help people because you would want
48:01
that help. Cuz I'm in bed like someone
48:04
saying to me years ago to really cynical view but I guess it's
48:06
true that, you know, the only reason you ever help people is
48:10
so that you feel good about yourself or like, give to people
48:13
is so you feel good that you get that good feeling of like, oh, I
48:15
help this person. Oh, I did this and sure maybe an
48:19
element of that is true. But one thing I've noticed about
48:22
myself is that I do it. Without thinking it's my natural
48:29
state. Or I don't know what you would
48:33
call it. Something within just tells me.
48:35
Like, I need to do this, I should do this.
48:37
Now, when I did volunteering it was something that I always
48:40
wanted to do but it was like something.
48:43
I felt I needed to do. And at that moment it seemed
48:46
like the most logical time to do it.
48:49
And, you know, I remember always thinking like, oh, I never have
48:52
the time to do, is I want to do this, like, how do I get into
48:54
this? And then when covid, hit will
48:58
times to do it, you know, it just felt like the right time
49:02
Ike. I guess I kind of thought of the
49:04
time, hey, like, people probably really need help right now.
49:08
It's pretty stressful like time. This would be a good time to
49:11
volunteer. Plus, I was unemployed at the
49:14
time had way too much free time. And I thought, I figured like, I
49:18
want to make myself useful. I don't want Sit around and
49:21
claim benefits or whatever. I want to, you know, in addition
49:24
to trying to get out of the situation and get a job and
49:27
stuff. I wanted to do something that
49:29
felt akin to a job, but also rewarding in some way and
49:32
helping people I learned a lot from it, and I think that I
49:37
gained a lot of sense of perspective from doing it, and I
49:45
guess life experience, met some good people.
49:48
It changed my understanding of certain things.
49:53
Being if you do volunteering, guys, check it out.
49:56
Make sure you check out my episode of about volunteering.
49:59
I share a lot of stories from my time doing that but yeah so
50:05
there you go. What should I ask myself next?
50:09
This feels weird. I thought about the idea of
50:11
maybe, like, postponing this show and just doing like,
50:14
getting someone to interview me, but I don't know that just felt
50:18
very self-serving, I could just do it myself.
50:21
So, I'll interview myself. What have been the biggest
50:25
challenges of your life so far and how did you overcome them?
50:31
I'm still trying to overcome them.
50:33
It's the battle within one's mine, doesn't it?
50:37
And I've touched on this a little bit before.
50:38
So again I'll try not to repeat myself but I think.
50:47
Sometimes I'll turn around to like my livestream audience and
50:50
you know, I'll say like I wish I was a success and they'll say,
50:53
you are successful and I'll say but I'm not a success in my
50:57
mind. I'm not the success that I want
50:59
to be. And it's like well what is that?
51:02
Okay. Well, I guess that's having a
51:04
lot of Doing the things that I want to do for a living as I
51:09
said before. that's probably the biggest thing that I'm trying to
51:15
achieve, and The challenge is always the battle within my mind
51:21
of whether or not I can do it whether or not I should do it.
51:25
Am I kidding myself? Am I not should have listened to
51:27
these people. Should they're not.
51:28
Listen at all. You know it's I feel like you're
51:31
your mind just froze you every which way and you just have to
51:35
learn how to deal with it. And I don't think there's any
51:39
bigger challenge than the battle with in one's mind with oneself.
51:44
I mean, you think about it, like think about them but most
51:47
horrid, Things people have ever said to you, I bet your mind is
51:51
probably generated worse things. You know.
51:55
They like that horrible voice. I still get it to this day.
51:58
I try to ignore it, but it's still there in the background
52:01
going. Like you can't do this.
52:03
You're rubbish. Noone likes you.
52:04
No one likes you. No one loves you.
52:06
And I'm like shot. Ah, get out of my head.
52:10
I don't need this. I want positivity.
52:12
I want something that's going to tell me why I should keep going.
52:16
And that voice certainly does not.
52:18
That's got to be the biggest challenge that and just
52:22
understanding how to be with people because I even hate
52:26
people or love people. People are either the most
52:30
amazing thing ever, or the worst thing ever.
52:33
But one thing I've learned is that you have to find people
52:35
that you click with, and I'll share one thing with you that I
52:39
shared with my livestream audience earlier today, but I
52:42
felt it was important to share somewhere because I just found
52:45
it very Profound and inspiring. There was a guy famous musician,
52:53
violinist or something in the, in the US.
52:57
And the day before he was due to perform in front of like 30,000
53:04
people, he's like a world renowned violinist like, very,
53:06
very talented. Like, very successful.
53:09
The day before he went to, like, a New York Subway somewhat
53:13
covered up like, you know, with her cap and stuff and Played
53:17
like his pieces in a in a Subway and they were amazing but I
53:23
think he made $30 in the whole day out of, you know, donations
53:27
or whatever and people didn't really appreciate it.
53:32
And the lesson that was sort of given with, with this particular
53:35
story or this experiment is, you have to be in front of the Right
53:40
audience to be appreciated. And I think this is true of like
53:44
friendships as well. Like the wrong people will just
53:48
not appreciate you and you'll be forever, banging your head
53:50
against the wall and they'll doubt you.
53:52
They'll they won't understand you.
53:54
They'll think you're weird or think you're, you know, kid in
53:56
yourself for trying to pursue your dreams, whatever.
53:59
But they're not the right people for you and you can't force who
54:03
you click with. That's another thing as well.
54:05
You might desperately want to get on with certain people, but
54:08
sometimes you just can't. There are people that I work
54:11
with to this day that, you know, No, there are things we have in
54:14
common, but we just don't click for whatever reason and it
54:16
sucks. But they're not my people, and
54:19
I'm not theirs, and that's okay. I think that's a really
54:22
important life lesson for us. Always to remember that.
54:26
There are people out there that we do click with the do,
54:29
appreciate us, and they're the ones.
54:31
You should be paying attention to and listening to and Catering
54:34
yourself towards. And and thinking of don't think
54:37
about the people that don't like you or don't care about you or
54:40
I'm not interested in you because why why are you Right.
54:43
They're not interested in you. They're never gonna be
54:45
interested in you. So why do you care care about
54:48
the people that are interested in?
54:49
You, the amount of times I've done a live stream where people
54:53
have said, a bunch of lovely wonderful things, and thank you
54:56
by the way, and they'll be that one person that says something
54:58
horrible. And that's the thing.
55:00
I pay attention to we're all guilty of that, I suppose, maybe
55:04
we're just drawn to negativity, or maybe it's our insecurities
55:08
getting the best of us. Mostly, I tried to ignore it,
55:11
but, you know, I'm human. I see it.
55:12
It may be, I pardon even believes it.
55:16
I remember years ago, I heard something.
55:18
This wasn't even a year ago. I think that this was I read
55:21
this somewhere. It said, anything that bothers
55:24
you, that someone says, is something that you believe to be
55:27
true about yourself. So, when someone does make a
55:30
negative comment and it bothers you, it's only because you
55:33
believe it. So why do you believe it?
55:36
What? Don't let it bother you.
55:38
Stop believing in it. Stop giving it power.
55:41
Maybe, I don't know, wash, one thing in life that never fails
55:46
to make you happy. Dogs bet you didn't expect me to
55:52
say that but it's true. I could be having the worst day
55:56
ever and I'll walk down the street and I'll see a dog.
56:02
And I'll just I'm like a child again.
56:04
I'm like, oh my God, you guys do.
56:07
And I love, what if the dog likes me?
56:10
It's like even better. I remember I was at Crossing
56:13
recently, and I was just having a really shit time.
56:17
I think I was coming back from work or something and I was in
56:21
such a bad mood and this these two dogs were a different
56:25
Crossing like we were on the same Little Island traffic
56:28
Island where ever you want to call it waiting for different
56:31
directions and the dog started sniffing my hand and then like
56:34
licking my hand and just wanted some attention.
56:37
And I started stroking the dog and the dog was like really
56:40
happy and I was really happy. I just turned to the owner and I
56:44
was just like I needed this today.
56:47
And he was like I feel that dude you know just like dogs and they
56:53
get this such intelligent creatures.
56:55
They know when things are difficult, they know and they
56:57
know that's the thing, they'll never be able to say a word to
57:00
you, but they understand you probably better than some of the
57:03
people in your life. That's why so devastating when
57:06
they die so early. Like I wish they would live
57:09
longer because they just such intuitive intelligent creatures
57:12
that are just Pure love, unconditional love.
57:20
It's just amazing. If you could travel back in time
57:26
and tell your younger self, one thing, what would it be?
57:30
I know this is one of the most cliché questions of all time,
57:33
but I like it. I like it because it gets you
57:37
thinking about how you were and how you are.
57:40
And I covered it a little bit earlier.
57:41
Whoo, knocking everything on my computer desk.
57:44
Here we go. I like the question because I
57:52
remember being that person when I was younger.
57:57
I remember being scared. Sad.
58:02
Alone, I remember a time in my life where because loneliness is
58:07
something that I've always dealt with my entire life.
58:10
I've learned now that I'm the sort of person that just doesn't
58:13
really hang out with people a lot.
58:16
I'm not the sort of person that gets included in like group
58:18
situations or whatever. I'm not someone that's thought
58:21
of or like oh let's invite Christian that that that's not
58:25
me and it used to really bother me.
58:27
And now I'm just like it's okay, it sucks but at the same time
58:31
it's like maybe I'm just not The sort of person that, you know,
58:35
other people really want to just hang out with.
58:37
I'm just, I don't know too intense or annoying or I don't
58:42
know, boring, take your pick. So, And then something that's
58:50
really interesting is. Now there's a lot going on in my
58:53
life and it doesn't bother me when I'm on my own anymore.
58:58
Like, I enjoy my own company, but when I was a teenager, like,
59:02
man, did I get depressed and lonely.
59:05
And I just desperately wanted friends.
59:08
I wanted to hang out with people and sometimes I would have
59:11
friends, but mostly I wouldn't, and I just used to be so alone,
59:16
and I felt like it would never end.
59:18
I felt like it was A cage that I couldn't escape from.
59:22
And now, I feel. Free like I I don't know.
59:29
It's just different. Like I don't feel that anymore.
59:32
Do I get moments where I feel lonely?
59:34
Yeah, of course. Don't get sad about it
59:37
sometimes. Sure.
59:38
But like it passes. I don't feel like that 24/7
59:43
anymore but I did when I was younger.
59:45
So if I could go back and tell my younger self anything, it
59:48
would be Stop worrying about other people and just enjoy
59:55
being with you. I think I've said this on the
59:59
show before but the best advice my dad ever gave to me was be
1:00:02
your own best friend. And I really do think that
1:00:07
that's the best gift you can give to yourself.
1:00:11
Look out for you, you know, yourself better than anyone else
1:00:13
in the world and that's always going to be the case, you know
1:00:17
what you want. You know what, you don't want.
1:00:20
And you know how to make yourself happy.
1:00:23
To be your own best friend. Simple as that we just hit an
1:00:30
hour and I think this is a good place to end it and say thank
1:00:36
you very much for listening and for watching I could go on but I
1:00:41
don't know. I feel like when you're done,
1:00:44
you know, you're done. I remember once listening to my
1:00:49
favorite documentary Evel time, it's hilarious.
1:00:52
I recommend checking it out the some kind of monster documentary
1:00:57
by Metallica. It's it's insightful, it's
1:01:01
funny, it's everything. But remember there's a scene in
1:01:05
it where a Lars Ulrich the drummer is Sitting there talking
1:01:10
about. He says, when is this song done?
1:01:14
What does that even mean? Done?
1:01:17
And I know like a lot of people here in that will be like, whoa,
1:01:20
it's done when you finish writing it like, you know, you
1:01:24
call it a point, you say, okay, this we're happy with this but
1:01:27
it's not a bit. What his point, I think was more
1:01:31
about the creative process, not being like a straightforward,
1:01:34
like maths equation. Like oh, it's this plus, this
1:01:36
equals this and then it's done. It's like, If it doesn't work
1:01:40
that way often certainly. If you're writing them, a song
1:01:44
you're kind of looking at it. Like, okay.
1:01:47
When do I feel happy about this? When do I feel like this is a
1:01:50
good place to kind of leave it and maybe it's okay, maybe but
1:01:54
that's the thing. Like sometimes you just keep
1:01:56
picking at something going on, I don't know, I don't know.
1:01:59
And that's the problem with perfectionism is that, you know,
1:02:02
you just constantly try and change it and re-evaluate it
1:02:05
because you just think like, oh, it's just not good enough, just
1:02:07
not good enough. But eventually, you just got to
1:02:10
sit there and go. You know what?
1:02:13
I think this is as good as it gets.
1:02:16
I'm going to call it here and say that this is good enough and
1:02:20
I'm happy with this and it's hard to do.
1:02:22
Because again, it goes back to what I said earlier.
1:02:24
It's a battle with yourself and that battle never ends, but you
1:02:29
can have a healthy Battle of yourself and you can give
1:02:35
yourself a bit of leeway and just be nice to yourself.
1:02:39
However, I can leave you with anything today.
1:02:42
It would Be be nicer to yourself.
1:02:45
Love yourself. Thank you so much for listening
1:02:49
to the Christian roof podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode,
1:02:54
I hope you'll listen again, thank you be safe.
1:02:58
Be well, and I'll see you in the next one.