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S2E9 - Addressing Body Image Concerns in Young Children · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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  You're listening to the
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  Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where
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  I give you insight awareness and
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  enlightenment about your parenting and your relationship with your kids.
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  In today's episode, I am asking a question
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  that was actually submitted by a therapist on behalf of a parent.
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  So I know I have a lot of carryover
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  listeners between my parenting podcast and my Play Therapy Podcast.
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  So I so appreciate that therapists are
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  referring to parents and parents are listening
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  to the therapist podcast and I think
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  there's a really cool crossover that's happening.
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  So
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  a therapist emailed on behalf of a parent
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  and it's specifically about
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  a six year old girl with some body image issues.
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  So we'll,
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  I'll read parts of the question and I'll hit some highlights for you and
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  then we'll kind of dive into some thoughts specifically on how to best handle
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  a child that is really struggling with body image and,
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  and eating and all of those types of concerns.
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  So
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  the question that I got is
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  there's a six year old girl who is already struggling with body image issues,
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  for example, saying that her tummy is fat saying that other kids.
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  Look at her because of this.
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  Mom is concerned that she is eating to soothe big emotions.
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  Mom has incorporated a lot of play therapy skills into her
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  parenting and we are working through this with child-centered play therapy.
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  Thank you for any information.
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  I really appreciate your podcast. So
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  thank you for and I'm actually not using
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  this therapist name just to protect confidentiality.
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  So
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  know that I'm intentionally not telling you who it is,
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  but the email came from Kansas. So I will let you know that.
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  So
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  the therapist is really kind of actively working with this child.
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  And then mom is struggling to know how to handle this. And
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  this is something that is becoming much more prominent. I think that
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  with social media
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  and with kids being online all the time and having the expectations of the
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  perfect life and the perfect body and the perfect image and the perfect photo
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  and, and all of that, that has been driven by the social media
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  craze.
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  I think that younger and younger we are seeing these types of struggles.
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  And so this is something that we need to not only be aware of,
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  but we also need to make sure that we understand
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  it well and then therefore that we're handling it effectively.
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  So I really appreciate the, the email and we're going to dive in with some thoughts,
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  the path to calm, confident and in control parenting starts now.
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  All right. So let's let's go back to
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  some previously discussed topics, but it's worth revisiting because
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  with the
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  2.0 version or season two, if you will, of the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast,
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  I know some of you are
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  new listeners and you have not gone and listened to all of the earlier episodes. So
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  one of the things that we've talked about a lot
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  is that children do not really have control over much in their lives.
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  So
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  when we look at the things over which children do actually have control,
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  it's limited to things you can fit on one hand.
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  So as a general rule, kids can control their, eating
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  their sleeping, their toilet
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  and their obedience.
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  So
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  it's been very clear and obvious
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  that when a child is fighting for control
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  because they feel that they don't have much control.
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  It's usually going to default to one of those four issues
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  or sometimes more than one. But eating sleeping toilet and obeying are, are the four
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  typical areas with which the child will
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  want power and they will realize that they actually can take,
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  take control in those scenarios.
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  So since eating is one of those,
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  we can immediately understand that this is a need for control
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  and then that begs the question,
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  she is trying to control
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  this area of her life.
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  So
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  the curiosity then is what has felt out of control in her life
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  and that can be a variety of things.
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  So it can be big changes. It can be
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  struggles academically,
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  it can be social inadequacy, it can be emotional immaturity,
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  it can be family or situational, a divorce, a separation,
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  a death,
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  a move.
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  What are the scenarios that
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  have felt very out of this child's control?
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  And if you can rule out
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  those types of issues.
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  So if, if mom is looking at the scenario going,
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  I really don't see that there have really been any kind of big changes or any
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  areas over which she felt like things kind of got really out of her control.
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  If that is ruled out, then we can almost always tie it to very high levels of anxiety.
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  And here's why
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  when a child is extremely anxious,
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  the way that they deal with their anxiety
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  is trying to take control
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  in another area of their life
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  so that they feel powerful and it's not scary.
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  So when you have a very anxious child,
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  they will often grasp at control.
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  So let's think through eating disorders really quickly.
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  And I don't want to imply that I think this is where this is going.
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  So I just want to be very clear.
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  I don't feel that this six year old girl is moving toward an eating disorder.
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  I just want to help you understand that there's a tie in here
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  because again, eating is a need for control and
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  high levels of anxiety are almost always associated with eating disorders.
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  So let's unpack this.
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  You have
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  someone who feels that their world is completely
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  out of control. Spiraling. They don't have any power over anything
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  that feels so uncomfortable and so miserable and so scary.
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  Well,
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  I'm going to grasp at any measure of power and control that I can take.
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  So I will either eat too much or I will not eat enough
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  because that is something over which I do have control.
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  And
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  we very, very consistently, I've worked with a lot of
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  clients, the older clients that have had eating disorders
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  and we very,
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  very consistently see that the super high levels of anxiety are tied into that.
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  And so
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  if we recognize control and power,
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  that gives us the why.
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  So for this little girl,
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  instead of seeing it as an eating issue, which it really isn't,
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  it's a power and control issue
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  and or it's an anxiety issue.
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  So
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  with that as the foundation of root cause,
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  now here are some things that we can do to help
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  the child with that scenario.
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  As she develops more self esteem,
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  she will naturally feel better about herself
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  regardless of whether or not she
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  likes her body yet or not.
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  In other words,
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  she doesn't have to get to a point where she's
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  happy with her body or content with her body.
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  For the increase in self esteem to influence the way that she thinks about herself.
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  And one of the universal outcomes of child-centered
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  play therapy is an increase in self esteem.
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  So as she feels more confident. And as she knows that she has self worth,
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  she will naturally feel better about herself,
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  whether or not her body changes at all.
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  So, self esteem is a big factor in this.
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  Secondly,
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  as she develops an emotional vocabulary,
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  she will handle her big feelings more effectively.
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  So the anxiety will not have the power that
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  it once had over her because she will understand
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  her feelings better and she will be able to
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  accurately identify them and then accurately and effectively communicate them
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  because you can have your needs met if you
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  know how to identify and communicate your feelings,
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  which is what we talked about in the reflecting feelings episode, right?
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  So
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  as mom, you and therapist are both reflecting her feelings to her,
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  she's developing an emotional vocabulary.
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  Mom and therapist, as you are giving her choices,
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  you are helping her build a sense of self esteem.
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  As you are using encouragement phrases with her,
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  you are helping her build her self confidence.
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  So this is all tied together. You see that.
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  And then finally,
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  as she develops self control and self regulation,
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  she will have better coping strategies.
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  She will be more resilient
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  and she will be able to better manage
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  the circumstances in which she finds herself.
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  So even if other kids look at her because she has a pudgy tummy,
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  or even if she thinks that her tummy is fat,
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  or even if she is so consumed by these big
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  feelings that she doesn't know what to do with them.
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  The self control and the self regulation that she develops
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  will naturally even all of that out.
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  Because that's one of the universal outcomes of
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  the child's center play therapy process is self regulation
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  and that's regulation across all areas of life.
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  So
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  as those three things continue to grow for her and mom,
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  if you are using those techniques at home and therapist,
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  if you are continuing to use those in the playroom,
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  it will naturally sort itself out.
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  And the fact that she's eating to soothe her big emotions,
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  that's just another indication that she has really big feelings,
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  doesn't have coping, doesn't have self control,
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  doesn't have an emotional vocabulary
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  and doesn't have self esteem.
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  This all is connected,
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  but it's very easy to look at this scenario and think this is a food issue.
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  But the beauty of the play therapy process, specifically,
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  the child-centered approach
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  is
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  we understand the undercurrent, we understand the why
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  we understand what's driving
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  the behavior because the behavior is just the cue
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  into where the child is struggling or hurting.
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  Let me say that again,
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  the behavior is just the cue
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  to where the child is struggling or hurting.
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  So
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  what she's saying and what she's doing
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  are not actually the issues,
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  that's just what gives us the clue
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  as to what's really going on.
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  And in this case, it's a lack of self esteem, a lack of emotional vocabulary,
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  a lack of self regulation
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  and either super high levels of anxiety
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  or a huge need for power and control.
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  So in context of that, the whole process changes,
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  not that we adjust anything from the skills that we're using,
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  but we can see it in a different light and we're
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  no longer trying to address the food and the eating.
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  We're getting to all of the other stuff that's underneath that.
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  So mom and therapist in Kansas,
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  I hope that that's super helpful for you and for those of you that
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  maybe have that same kind of issue with your own child,
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  you notice that they're super picky with food,
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  they will only eat certain types of things.
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  They'll only eat
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  at certain times of the day.
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  They refuse most things, they
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  eat too much, they hide food in their bedrooms. I mean, I've, I've heard it all right.
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  This is traditional kid behavior. You don't have to teach it.
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  They just, they just know it right.
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  So if you are struggling in any capacity with your child and their food
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  and then as a related aside or their sleeping or their toilet or their obedience,
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  be aware that there is a root cause
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  of power and control.
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  And if you can sort that out,
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  that will equip you with how you can better address it. But remember
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  your go to are your four pillars.
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  You reflect the child's feelings, you give them choices,
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  you encourage them and if necessary, you set limits.
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  So the the pillars and the approach don't change.
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  But understanding the why always does give us better
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  perspective and insight about how best to handle things.
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  So,
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  thank you, therapist and mom in Kansas. I appreciate that question.
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  And if you would like to get signed up for my newsletter,
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  I would love to have you go to www.playtherapyparenting.com
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  and then you'll be in the know about everything that we're working on and
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  putting out there and I'll send you a free birth order workshop too.
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  So
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  I'm super grateful for you.
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  I would love to hear from more of you if you have questions, if you have comments,
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  even if you would just like to say hello.
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  I love, love, love hearing from listeners.
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  And I do personally read every single email.
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  I know a lot of people think I must have someone that
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  reads them for me or sorts them or filter them or as a gatekeeper in some way.
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  I promise you they come directly to me and I read every single one
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  and I will respond to you.
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  So if you would just like to say hello, you'd like to give me a scenario.
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  You'd like to ask a question.
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  You wanna celebrate a success because you've fallen into CCPT
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  and you are loving it and you're seeing the results.
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  Please send me an email. I'd love to hear from you brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
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  You can also
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  sorry. No, you can email me. Yes, but you can also call
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  and leave a voicemail for me and I can answer your question that way. 813-812-5525.
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  If you're in the States
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  internationally, you're gonna have to email me. So
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  anyway, I'm so grateful for each and every one of you.
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  Thank you for continuing to pour into your kids and pour into your family
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  and working on being the best parents that you can be.
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  That is the best job and the best task
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  that you've been given the opportunity to do. So.
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  I hope that you feel encouraged and supported and we will talk again soon. Bye.
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  Thank you for listening
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  to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks
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  for more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter.
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  Please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.