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From Pressure to Resilience with Shairose Gulamani · The Bridges and Beacons Podcast

• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Bridges and Beacons podcast.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm your host, Kelly Meyerson, and I am feeling so much good fortune today because the guest that I have to share with you has an incredible story, an incredible message, and her body of work is going to resonate with all of you listeners.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: So allow me to introduce my guest.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: Her name is Shai Rose Gulmani.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: And she knows what it means to lead when there is no script.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: An award-winning executive coach, international speaker, educator, entrepreneur, and the founder of Pressure Point.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: She draws on three decades of real-world leadership to help founders and high-performing leaders boldly uncover the strength, wisdom, and possibility hidden inside life's most demanding moments.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: Shirose, thank you so much for being here with me.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you, Kelly, for having me.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to have this conversation with you.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: I am too.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, just in that last part of your bio, the possibility hidden inside life's most demanding moments.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: We we cannot get away from the experience of pressure.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm absolutely certain that the listener has experienced some version of pressure in their life, positive, negative, otherwise.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think where I'd love to start is where did your interest in using pressure in such a positive way to become more about resilience?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: How did that start for you?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think in all of the different ways that my career has unfolded, from education to entrepreneurship to business leadership, community leadership, there was one thing I saw in every every stage of my career.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that was pressure is inevitable.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: It didn't matter what you did, what your job was, who you worked with, where you worked.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was part and parcel of everything we did.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: And pressure itself is not the enemy, right?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: We we need pressure.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's what creates our drive, that's what helps us achieve our dreams.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: So a certain amount of pressure is actually very useful.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's purposeful.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's when pressure is unmanaged and we're not aware of what it is doing, and we don't take, we don't take the time and effort to provide the rest, the recovery and the reset we need from that pressure state.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's when chaos happens, right?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's what creates the havoc.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's when it starts leaking into our health, into our relationships, into our performance.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then pressure doesn't serve us.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: It actually breaks us.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the part that, you know, I help high-performing leaders transform pressure into the clarity, the resilience, and the purposeful action that it's needed.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because many of the people that I work with are incredibly capable, but they have become so accustomed to carrying responsibility that they don't always recognize what pressure is quietly costing them.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: And my work helps them to build that bridge from reacting under pressure to responding with intention so that they themselves become steadier beacons for themselves and the people they lead.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's so true that it's really hard to be the best and most intentional version of ourselves in work, in life, and relationships when our experience of pressure creates that sense of off balance.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then our emotional intelligence suffers and our health suffers, you know.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: So how do we make the shift from endurance, that grit, that push?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like you said, I mean, pressure is is normal.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's kind of what it gives us our get up and go.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: How do we go from endurance to true resilience?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love that because that often gets confused.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, for many of us, especially women, strength has been associated with how much we can carry without asking for help.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And we keep showing up for our families, our teams, our businesses and communities, even when we are running on empty.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: And from the outside, that can look like resilience, but often that's actually endurance.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the way to differentiate the two, endurance asks, how much more can I carry?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: How much more can I take or survive?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Resilience asks, how can I meet this moment, recover from it, and return back to clarity?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: There's a difference there.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Endurance just keeps us going.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: It makes us go longer, faster, work harder, you know, carry more.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it becomes like almost a badge of honor that we're able to do that.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: But that's not true resilience.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, pushing through is no longer serving us when we become increasingly reactive and impatient and disconnected, exhausted, or even unable to make clear decisions.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: We may still be performing, but the personal cost of that pressure keeps rising.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: True resilience is our ability to carry unlimited pressure, but it is also our ability to notice what pressure is doing to us and to regulate our response, to recover what has been depleted and learn from the experience.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes the most resilient choice is not to push harder.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's simply to pause, ask for support, or to put down something we were never meant to carry alone.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's so poignant.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: What came to mind when you were when you were speaking is the difference between a sprint and a marathon.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: For a sprint, you're gonna give it all you got the whole time.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna push, push, push hard.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: But a marathon, when you know you have a long distance to go, you have to consider how are you going to sustain and keep your body going through the entire travel, right?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's not just how you're gonna push at the beginning of the race, but it's the middle and it's like that third quarter and the end.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: How is that all gonna be sustainable for you?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I think about this.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: I have a very good friend, and she runs hundred-mile races.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I know from being her friend that the preparation for those races means she needs to be nourishing her body, she needs to be training ahead of time, she needs to be taking care of her sleep, her nutrition, her rest, her, you know, everything is calculated.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so it feels like that's a great metaphor for those of us who intend to have longevity and to leave a legacy and have a sustainable career because the impact we're trying to have can be so big and we want it to be so pervasive, but we can't do that if the second pressure hits us, we crumble because our system can't sustain to it.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I love the fact that you brought training into it because it really is training, right?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Every time we are met with a pressure test, we learn to build that inner inner strength, that inner resilience.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: And every time we do that, our nervous system understands, okay, this is not complete, it's not, it doesn't completely shut us off, right?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: It we don't just freeze or start, you know, flight.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: We we understand that this is another pressureful moment.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: We just need to ground ourselves.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: We under, we understand that when pressure rises, that our nervous system you know reacts before our logical mind is fully even understood what is happening.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: And our breathing may become more shallow, our thoughts may speed up, and our attention definitely narrows because we lose access to our best thinking, right?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: We can become more controlling or defensive or impatient or indecisive.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where once we, every time we do this and we are aware of what is happening in our body, we listen to those cognitive signals.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's when our resilience slowly gets drained each and every time.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And instead of panic or reactiveness, guess what?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: We become calm.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because calm is a leadership strength, because it gives us access to our clearest thinking, our deepest wisdom, and quite frankly, our intentional choices.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we are under pressure, we really don't make intentional choices.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: We make reactive choices, which sometimes we learn to regret and we have remorse for.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, one of the things that I do is I use a simple three-step practice to do that when we are in that pressure state moment, and that is notice, regulate, and choose.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: You first notice what pressure feels like in your body.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: It may be tension, urgency, looping thoughts, or the feeling that everything must be resolved immediately.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's that urgency that happens, right?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Second, regulate.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Just slow your breathing.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Feet your feel your feet on the ground.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Step away from the situation if you're if it's possible, and just create a moment of presence and quiet.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: And third, choose.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Ask yourself, what is this moment truly requiring from me?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that question, Kelly, really creates the space between the pressure and the response.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: That is our resilience.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: That space, that gap, that's where resilience lives, right?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Calm does not mean that we have every answer.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: It just means that we are steady enough to find the next best step.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: And when we remain grounded during uncertainty, our calm also becomes a source of safety for the people around us.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, calm is contagious, and so is panic.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: So let's choose calm.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: I love that so much because you just gave, you know, a two-minute masterclass.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: And so, so how do we take this?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_02: How do we actually use this?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: So notice, regulate, then choose.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: So it's it's taking that moment and extending it and pausing.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna paraphrase what you said, but it was so beautiful where you said that you're you're choosing to do what matches what's needed in that moment.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm thinking about, you know, those times where let's just say it's at work and there's a manager and there's a lot of press pressure and stress, and they just start barking orders at people because they're feeling the pressure and they're feeling the stress rather than realizing in that moment people just needed a little more information to be able to buy into what needed to happen.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so if we notice the pressure, oh, there goes my heart rate, there goes my breathing, I'm I'm up here in my chests rather than using those deep breaths.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: My frontal lobe just went offline.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: I love how Dan Siegel talks about it as like this being your your brain, and you flip your lid, and what happens is you have no longer have access to the part of your brain that's thinking, and you have to like re-engage the staircase to come down and get back into your thinking, but you can't think yourself there.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's what is confusing for people in the moment.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: They're trying to use their mind to think, but it's not really fully accessible, like you said.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so instead, what you're offering is you notice it and you regulate in the moment.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I love how you brought in breath because I think that can be one of the most potent and powerful things we can do that is right there for us.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: Take a deep breath.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: We're noticing, we're regulating, we're breathing, and asking ourselves that question what does this moment actually need for me?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: What does this person actually need for me?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: How do I contribute?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: Because what really happens in those moments that we don't notice, we don't regulate, and we haven't brought choice to the table, we damage relationships with people.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so then our energy gets spent where repairing relationships, which when we breach trust and credibility as leaders, it it takes a lot of more effort to bring us back there.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I love dance eagle, by the way.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh good.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um and you're right, because uh during pressure, our best thinking gets hijacked.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: And as long as we understand that, that uh oh, we are now in a reactive state, and we don't want to be making decisions from this state.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have the best judgment at this point.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: And once we realize that, you know, pressure isn't the enemy, it's unmanaged pressure that is.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: So all we need to do is just learn the skills to start managing it, to be aware of those cognitive signals, to know when we are not our most resourced self.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: And how what do we need to do to get there?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: What do we need to do to become that, so that we're thinking with our best mind, right?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Our our best thinking.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: And as you said, we are then serving not only ourselves, the situation, the problem that we're trying to solve, but our team or the people around us.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because a good leader recognizes that the state that they lead from impacts everybody around them, right?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's the energy they give off when they're in a pressure state, that that's the energy that the team, the people around them absorb.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not always healthy when it's done in a reactive fashion, right?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: So when we ground ourselves and we become our most present selves, it makes such a huge difference.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: You that is the leadership, that is the calm leadership that people admire, right?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's when you say, oh my God, that's why you get paid the big bucks.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because they know, they know that this is this too shall pass, but in that moment, what is really required of me or them in this situation is what matters the most.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what I'm thinking, like as a leader, how how can a leader who maybe has done much of this work and they're very aware and they have high emotional intelligence and they're they're figuring out and they see this when they see this on their team, when they see pressure having a negative impact on their teams?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Are there strategies that leaders can use to sort of, you know, one model for people, but also how to kind of call everybody back into a better regulated state without saying, okay, guys, we're gonna do yoga right now.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, how do we do this in like a fast-paced work environment?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that because you know, my core philosophy, and I think we discussed it last time we spoke, is resilience is how pressure becomes your power.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: And for leadership, that's so important.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: But there's there's a lot more to unpack there, right?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: Pressure does not automatically become power.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: Without awareness and support, it can actually become exhaustion, fear, resentment, even burnout, right?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: Resilience is the bridge that changes what pressure produces.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that bridge, as I mentioned, you know, earlier when we were talking about training, the metaphor of training, that bridge is built every time we recognize our patterns and we regulate our nervous system and recover our energy and choose an intentional response instead of an automatic response.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Each time we do that, we strengthen our capacity to remain connected to who we are, even when life becomes difficult.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, the first time that I met you, I told you that I loved your bridges and beacon name because I honestly believe it connects so beautifully with the work I do as well.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you, Kelly, help people discover and trust their inner light.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: And through Pressure Point, channeling pressure into power, I help people remain connected to that light when pressure rises.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that was so beautifully stated.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for that.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I think that's so true.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I think remembering to go towards light, so towards energy that is resourceful, that is going to be building relationships, establishing and maintaining credibility and trust, so that when those moments occur, people will start to look to the leaders who are regulated and who in a crisis or stressful moment can give calm, clear directions so that everybody feels literal safety, you know, if if we're talking a crisis like uh, you know, something occurring in a building and people need to get out quickly, or psychological safety, like that that somebody bringing up a different point in a situation doesn't throw the whole team into a tizzy, right?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_02: That being able to hold space for people to be able to explore topics and and experience conflict without it breaking down relationships.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think to that point, you know, many women, I think, and I say women because they're just more nurturing.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so they it's not that men don't carry pressure, of course they do, but I think many women have spent their lives being the bridge to everyone else.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: And they connect, they support, they solve, they carry.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you think about all of not only just professional heaviness and weight that we that women carry, but the personal in you know, in their home, the caring of their children, the household, etc.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: But even the strongest bridges is what I tell my clients, needs care and maintenance, right?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: It needs reinforcement.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: And when we learn to support ourselves with the same compassion we offer others, honestly, something shifts.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: We stop leading from Depletion and begin leading from presence.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: And our steadiness becomes a beacon that tells the people around us this moment may be difficult, but we don't have to lose ourselves inside of it.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: That we will get through it and we will do what this moment requires with calm and clarity and confidence.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think that's another thing that resilience, practice, and training helps us build is be we become confident in meeting those hard moments, meeting those hard seasons and learning that we are way more than what pressure throws at us, right?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: We have that inner strength and resilience.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so we become much better to in in managing it.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think, you know, if you think of a beacon, it does not chase people or try to prove its value, right?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: It stays grounded and it simply shines, right?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: It just shines clearly.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: And in a lot of ways, I believe leadership works the same way.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: Our greatest influence comes from being anchored in who we are and not having to constantly prove ourselves.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's huge.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: I think the second we start like self-judgment in that moment.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_02: So that there again, I mean, that can that can create dysregulation when when we're we're sort of microanalyzing what we're doing and self-criticizing from inside.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: And and there might not be anything external to us, but it it could be internal pressure and stress that we're creating.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's such a that's such an important perspective.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: And it seems to me that your three-step pattern would also work here.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: You notice, you self-regulate, and then you choose.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and I I'm I'm just thinking about how that pattern of pause and noticing and being aware of you know the things that are playing over and over in your mind, the things that are unresourceful for you, and being able to say, you know what?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: I actually I see where that's coming from, and I see why I might have been stuck in that belief pattern in the past, but it doesn't serve me.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I think this just might be me falling into a little bit of like, I've just like moved up a little bit, I've raised the ceiling a little bit for myself.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: And now it's not true nervousness, anxiety, you know, there's nothing necessarily wrong.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's what my friend Laura DeFranco calls purpose-driven fear, right?
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: Where you feel that pressure, but it's because you're doing something that maybe you haven't done before that maybe requires a higher level of skill than you've had to apply before.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so it gives you that moment to say, actually, what I noticed is this is requiring me to put to use some skills that I haven't maybe used as much.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think this could apply like a leader who has has just moved into a new position.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: And there might not be anything wrong in that moment, it might just be that they need some time to gain a little stability again.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: And so the dysregulation might happen a little bit more.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: I'm thinking going back to my running metaphor, if you've always run on pavement and suddenly you decide I'm gonna be a trail runner, which is what my friend does, by the way.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_02: She's amazing.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: She she trail runs, right?
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: So she's running a hundred miles in the woods.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I can I laugh because I'm like, when I go walking in the woods, I'm like looking for all of the pitfalls.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to trip on any rocks.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: I've got my stick to make sure, you know.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: And she's anyway.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: So you change the terrain, right?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: The conditions change, the context changes, and so you need different tools.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: So it could be a moment, maybe to notice in order to continue to be resilient, as I have, I need more resources, I need more tools in my toolbox.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: And it's gonna be the same for your people too, because it's what happens when things change.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: You need to have that psychological safety and the feeling of like, oh, I understand what's needed of me in this moment.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: And somebody is called out in the room.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_02: This is different.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna be hard at first, everybody, right?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: That I that I feel like it has been my experience in the past with great leaders where they've already called out the potential pitfalls.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, okay, you're running in the woods, you know, there might be some rocks, you might roll your ankles.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: So you're gonna learn when you hit that rock, you're gonna, you're gonna lean and you're gonna go with it.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: You're not gonna try to stop.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm making that up.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if that's okay.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: So don't don't come at me if you're a runner, but things like that.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like, let's, let's, I'm trying to think of the term when we do it's a pre, when you look at the situation like from the lens of what could go horribly wrong.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: Not in an anxiety-provoking state, but like potential pitfalls.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: Here, here are some things that might happen.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: You might run into a bear, you might trip on a rock, you might need some first aid.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay, I gotta pack a first aid kit.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you might run out of water.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I gotta make sure I have enough water.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: It might be a while before you get to a station and you have an energy drink.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I'm gonna put in my pouch an extra energy drink for when I know there's anyway.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to think ahead and then retrospectively, what can we learn?
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, I threw a lot at you.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, and you know, the stuff you threw at me is exactly what what you were talking about is pressure does reveal patterns, right?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: Pressure does not create every reaction we have.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: It can't.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: It often just reveals the patterns that were already there.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: It shows us where we overfunction, people please, seek control, become silent, or carry responsibilities that were never ours to begin with.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes, you know, when we're really high performing leaders, we think we're the ones who can do it all.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: And we almost gladly take on that weight and carry it for everyone else.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: We just don't realize when that weight really doesn't even belong to us, right?
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: We we take on stuff that we could perhaps delegate and and parse out to others so that our load does not constantly have to be heavy.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: But I think the other thing you kind of alluded to is that calm, being present, is not the is not the absence of strength or ambition.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: It calm gives us access to our best thinking, it helps us hear our intuition, consider our choices, and lead without allowing urgency to make the decision for us.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, my Instagram account is calm is the new flex.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I picked that because I honestly believe that.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know, the body often knows first when when we are in pressure, right?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: Pressure usually speaks to the body before we can actually even name it within our mind.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: It may appear, and we've talked about some of this shallow breathing, tension, looping thoughts, impatience, you know, urgency or even exhaustion.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: But learning to notice those cognitive signals is what gives us an opportunity to respond before pressure takes control.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we don't recognize this and manage the pressure, then we don't actually make the choices to those decisions that are before us.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's pressure making those choices.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not what we want pressure to do.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: We would we don't want it to define us, right?
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_01: We want it to be able to refine us.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I think when I think about difficult chapters, a difficult chapter does not mean that we are starting over.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I I mentioned to you that in September I did a summit, the pressure test summit, and in there we had 12 extraordinary leaders who talked about their greatest, hardest moments and how they turned it into their greatest strength.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: And every single one of them were binded with the fact that a difficult chapter does not mean starting over.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes everything we have walked through becomes exactly what prepares us for what comes next.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there's such wisdom in that, right?
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: To know that we are getting shaped by our resilience every time we have a pressure test.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that's beautiful, that's valuable, that's what's gonna allow us to not break down, to not, you know, to not just give up or quit when pressure hits.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, linking it again to your bridges and and beacon kind of framework.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the next bridge we need to cross is our visibility of knowing who we are, what we value, what our purpose is, you know, and and the answer is not to become louder, it's actually to become calmer, right?
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it is to become steadier, trust that we know, and allow our voice to become or to come through from service rather than performance.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because I see, you know, with the clients I work with, they're so capable, they're so, they're so, they're so great, there's they're phenomenal leaders.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: But what what they tell me is that on the outside they are so polished, but on the inside, they're so exhausted.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: They they actually say, I don't know how to turn myself off.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm just always on.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: Can you imagine what that might feel like?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: To be always on, and so I think this is where we really have to give ourselves self-compassion, self-care, self-love, self-trust, and know that we are good enough, we do a lot, and we are human in the end, and that we have to take care of us in order for us to take care of everything else.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because without us being our most resourced selves, we really aren't any good to anyone else.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: There is so much in that.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, that was so beautiful.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_02: But I think I really resonated with what you said about, you know, the women that you're working with and and looking completely polished and put together from the outside, but on the inside, they're exhausted.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_02: They're they're they're edging towards burnout.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's what's so spectacular about the work that you're doing, because it's the difference between the energy that you're pulling from being limited and limitless.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: And it becomes limitless when you're not pushing yourself all the time, but you're calm, you're centered, you're grounded, you're nourished, right?
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_02: And in all the ways our bodies, our human bodies, right?
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_02: As you said, we're just human.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_02: Human bodies need rest, sleep.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: Two different things, by the way.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: For some people, that's a new piece of information.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: Nutrition, exercise or movement, connection with other people, time in nature, fresh air.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there there are things that make a human body work at its best.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of us have spent too much time focused on the brain and the doing of the things, right?
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_02: And so we we lose sight of that.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I think when we lose sight of that, that's when we we tend toward that burnout.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: And then what you're saying about being able to notice and regulate and choose better becomes really challenging for us because we're depleted.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: So so I think I think I'm I'm so glad that you brought that up because it looks to people, probably they look at you and you're like, whoa, this woman, look at her.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: She looks fabulous, she's got it all together, she's doing all these things, she seems really calm.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, but what they don't see is the what you've put into the bank of your nervous system and your nutrition and your rest and your connection and time with family and understanding, like you talked about chapters before, there are cycles of up and down.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_02: But but what goes up must come down.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: We can't just stay up at that level all the time.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: We have to understand and respect our bodies and know, you know, we can be busy for a certain amount of time, but we know when it's time to rest and rejuvenate and and to understand how to do that in the moment, but also the bigger times off.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I know I get excited thinking about, you know, December and January are coming and rest is going to be more readily available and maybe a little less connection with the outside world, a little more wintering at home.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_02: At least I could say that in Michigan.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you will get quite as much winter where you are as we do here.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_02: But but we're we will be experiencing the literal hibernation, but just that idea that we can have, you know, seasons of life where we can kind of ebb and flow with what we're doing.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: And that just because you build that resilience doesn't mean that you don't continue to have to maintain a healthy body to be able to keep up with it.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_02: So I I love that that's part and parcel of what you teach too.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I just want to shift back because you talked about your summit, which is so exciting.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_02: This has been quite the fall for you.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_02: So you've had the summit, and then I want to jump in and make sure we touch upon two incredible book projects that you have coming out this fall as well.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: So you will be very much due for that hibernation.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: The winter hits.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: So tell me first about the summit, how how that came about.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_02: It sounds like such an exciting opportunity.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, the summit was born from my own passion of helping people understand.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: I've gone, I've lived pressure inside and out.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: I've been an educator and entrepreneur, but I knew that what I did and what it's just one piece, right?
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_01: I really wanted people to understand that people from all walks of life, in all kinds of careers, and in all kinds of abilities and you know, the experiences and intellect that they bring into what they do, that no matter what, you can't escape pressure.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's there.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so these 12 extraordinary people came from literally different parts of the world, from Germany, from Syria, from Kenya, from UK, from North America.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: And they there were CFOs, there were CEOs, they were in health, they were in education, they were world-class athletes, they were world-class artists, there were brain surgeons, like literally, okay?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_01: And and and what it showed in all of those is that the relationship we build with pressure is what helps us get through with pressure.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_01: When we just every time a pressure hits us and we say, why is this happening to me?
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't serve us.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_01: But when we shift to what is this moment requiring of me, that simple shift changes how we look at it, what we feel we can contribute to it, and also knowing that we are all live in a world of uncertainty, right?
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: That we uncertainty and lack of information is just part and parcel of this world.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: That we don't need to be fully ready, fully confident before we need to take an action, and that we don't need to have all the answers, just knowing what the next best step is or what the next best move is.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so the summit was all about that.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_01: And all these 12 extraordinary people, that's what they shared.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: They shared their leadership journey, their their hardest moments and their you know, difficult chapters.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: And yet what they got out of it was just something so beautiful.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: They got this, the greatest strength.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_01: It was their defining moments, right?
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: That that's what came up with.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I, you know, yes, it was a busy fall, but when you love what you do, it doesn't feel like work.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so that was so much joy that brought.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then the two books that you referred to, they they almost kind of like went with what was in my mind for the summit.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so Infinite Impact was launched in September.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I have a chapter in there, it's an anthology of of just different leadership journeys, and my chapter is entitled What Pressure Reveals.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: And we talked a little bit about what pressure reveals today in your podcast.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then my next one is a little more dear to my heart because it's a little more emotional rather than professional and more personal, and that is Voices Across Borders.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's an anthology of uh 15 women, myself included, and my chapter is What They Did Not Take.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's my journey from Uganda, where we had 90 days to leave, my family and I, and we came as refugees to Canada and what that was like.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, to be honest, I don't think I had ever reflected as deeply on that part of my life as I did now when I was writing this chapter.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: And it was so meaningful because I got to do it with my mom, right?
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: I got to share with her and discuss the details and make sure I got the stuff right.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I wanted to know how she felt and and all those emotions of this, because what my parents did, quite honestly, was incredible.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: They came to a new country not knowing English, and they brought up two beautiful children, you know, and they sacrificed.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they literally sacrificed everything.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_01: But in the moment, they just moved every every day, it was a new day, and they just moved it forward.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: And really, if I have to think back, I learned resilience from them.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: I really learned resilience on what it takes to build, to rebuild yourself and and to support what matters to you most for them.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: It was us, it was their children and their new future, right?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm so grateful.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I was so grateful to write this chapter of what they did not take, because they could not take our hope, our dreams, our values, right?
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: They took everything else.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: We literally came with the clothes on our back when we arrived in Montreal, Canada that October 31st night.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_01: But here we are, right?
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's so much that has happened in that in that beautiful journey, and and I got to I got to share it.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so happy that my kids will have this chapter forever to read and look back to and remember what what it took for us to get here and what they did not take.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like we can't even, you know, that it's such a beautiful.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: story and I I would love to have you come back and I would love to hear your more of your story and that you did it with your mom and I imagine it was so therapeutic.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just thinking like being able to have those conversations and probably something I can only guess for your parents that they they were 100% like we've got to do this and we've got to survive and it's for the kids for their future.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so they probably got in motion and did not look back and just kept moving.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_02: I I mean I don't I would be so curious to know and don't answer now but I'd be so curious to know the the piece of resilience and when did they know that it was okay and safe for them to move out of that survival mode and and move into like enjoying and thriving in their lives.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I imagine they they modeled that for you at some point because you've absolutely got that about you and I'm sure sure it came from your parents too but I'm just thinking yeah I would I would love so much if you would be open to coming back to to really give that story its own podcast episode because I'd love to I just I think so many people could gain so much from hearing your story and your journey because I think it helps us to to see that there are some universal experiences for people that we may never experience in our lives but hearing it through the lens of someone who experienced that firsthand builds our collective deep understanding and kindness towards the experience of others.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so it would be an honor to have you come back and really unpack that whole story with me.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm so thrilled for you it has been amazing talking with you.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like we have so many values in common and and definitely the idea of leaders being bridges and beacons and you are for sure one of those can you let the listener know where can they find you how can they connect with you and definitely we'll make sure in the show notes we have all the ways that they can get your books.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay thank you so much Kelly and it would be a privilege to come back and share that story because it is it is right there in my heart and it is yeah to have the permission to share it would be an honor.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: People can find me on LinkedIn that's probably the best way Rose Gillimani I also have a website it's pressurepoint.coach and there you can learn a little bit more about what I do and who I am and and and just my journey and and yes I would love for people if they're able to take a look at this infinite impact book and Voices across borders there are some beautiful stories by so many talented leaders in there that I think are moving and inspiring.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you know when we give permission to share our story sorry when we share our story we give permission for others to realize they're not alone in their struggles that there's so much more and that we are you know connected in ways that we can't even imagine and that there is strengthened community right and so yeah I I'm so grateful to have this opportunity to have this conversation with you Kelly thank you so much for letting me inviting me to be your guest it has been um truly an honor so thank you.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you thank you for being here and listener thank you for listening to the end of the podcast I hope like me you feel this sense of empowerment because you've got a three-step tool notice regulate choose and we've been told you can find that next best step so resilience is really meeting yourself in those moments and making the next best choice or step for yourself.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I encourage you to follow all the information in the show notes and stay tuned for part two with Shirose getting to hear her origin story and we'll be sure to continue updating the links in the show notes so that if you come back and you're looking to get a copy of Voices Across Borders, we'll have that link for you in the show notes.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_02: And again thank you so much for being here.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Kelly.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_02: All right everybody we'll see you next time on the podcast.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_02: Bye for now.