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The Aging Survival Guide Finale And A Better Way Forward · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, my name is Marcy, and welcome to Aging A for Sissy's.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mixed up that intro, didn't I?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, good morning, everyone.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it is morning.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I normally do my podcasts in the afternoon, but I got invited to go to my sister-in-law's and swim this afternoon.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: So changed my plans, getting my podcast done bright and early this morning, so that they will be up for you tomorrow on Friday, as always.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, hello, my friends, and welcome to Aging Aim for Sissies.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I am Marcy, and today we have reached the end of our aging survival guide.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, we made it.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I started the summer telling you I was going to put together an aging survival guide.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode is part of that.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to put it together.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: It'll be available at Marcybackismedia.com for download probably next week.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: But we did it.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to tell you, when I started this little summer survival guide, I thought we were going to talk about some of the things that happened as we get older: retirement, technology, downsizing, friendships, travel, marriage, family, and the holidays, all those things nobody really gives you instructions for.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: But somewhere along the way, I realized we were actually talking about something really bigger, change.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's really what aging is.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's changing.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Your body changes, your relationships change, your family changes, your house changes, your friendships change, your priorities change.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And some of the times the biggest surprise of all is you change.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody hands you a manual for that.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So today for our final survival guide, we're talking about how to live with the change without spending the rest of our lives wishing everything would stay the same.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or even worse, be back to the way it was when we were young.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because apparently it's not going to.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Rude, I know.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, well, let me just do a little quick recap of my week.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: All of the guilting my kids worked, actually.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Craig and I are planning a trip to California in early November.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: He's going to a football game with a bunch of friends.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're staying at our friend's beach house.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Blah, blah, blah.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: We'll come to find out, my son Alec is planning to be in LA a greater part of November, and Kyle lives in LA.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I put it out there a couple days ago.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I gave an actual day and I said, can we all make this work as a family day?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: We can.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So while we're there on a trip, Alec's there on a trip, and Kyle is living Kyle's life there.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to all have a day.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to go to either one of the two new museums in Los Angeles, the Motion Picture Museum or the George Lucas Museum.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're going to go out for a wonderful dinner.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to call that our holiday.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's a holiday together.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is it Christmas?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is it Thanksgiving?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: But are we together as our little nucleus of four?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we are.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I wanted.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, significant others are always welcome.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I never would say no, but it looks like it's going to be just the four of us.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's enough.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's enough for me.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: As we talked about last week in the podcast, holidays change.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's enough to get me through the holidays.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Alec did mention that he's going to come to Chicago in October.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Happy to have him.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Kids are always welcome here.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: But the four of us being together is something on that day.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about it before then, but when we're together, I'm going to tell them my requirement moving forward, and it is a requirement, is that this family gets together once a year.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care where it is, but it's everyone.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Significant others, all of us together.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: One day a year.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: If it can be more than that, great.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: But that's my requirement.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a little follow-up to last week's story.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Back on to this one change.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I keep thinking how different my life looks today compared to even five or 10 years ago.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Four years ago, I went from living in about a 4,000 square foot house to about 800.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I got rid of probably 90% of my worldly possessions.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if you had told younger Marcy that someday she would voluntarily get rid of almost everything she accumulated in life and live in 800 square feet, I don't know that she would have believed you.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the crazy part.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: I've never been happier with less.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what change does sometimes.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: The thing you think you're going to hate becomes the thing that sets you free.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to say that again.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: The thing you think you're going to hate becomes the thing that sets you free.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if I can tell you that, hooray.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you're learning something from me, I don't know if it happens for everyone, but those I've talked to, getting rid of stuff made them happier, not sadder.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Other changes aren't nearly that easy.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Some changes are heartbreaking, some are scary.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Some happen because we choose them.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Some happen because someone else chooses them for us.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's an important one.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about change today.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So everything I'm talking about is about change.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Some change happens because somebody else chooses it for us.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Sit with that.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Can you see that in your life?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: I see it in mine.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to be okay with that, and I am.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And some just show up at the door and say, Hi, I'm your new reality.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, crap.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe that's the first lesson from the entire survival guide.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Our lives aren't finished changing just because we're older.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think they change more, actually.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And thank God for that.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because if nothing can change, nothing can get better either.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another one I'm going to repeat.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: If nothing can change, nothing can get better either.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody warned me that getting older would involve so much letting go.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily letting go of people, although sometimes it's that too.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about letting go of ideas.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: The idea of what retirement was supposed to look like.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: The idea of what marriage was supposed to look like.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: The idea of what our grown children were supposed to do.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: The idea of what our friendships were supposed to be.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: The idea of what our bodies were supposed to keep doing forever.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: The idea that the holidays have to look like they did in 1997.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: We carry around these invisible pictures of how life is supposed to be.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then guess what?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Reality has the nerve to ignore that picture entirely.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the hardest things about aging is learning to stop asking, why isn't my life the way I thought it would be?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And start asking, okay, this is my life.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want to do with it now?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Those are two completely different questions.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: One keeps you looking backwards, the other keeps you looking forwards.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: So interestingly enough, there's two things happening in my life.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: I am finally learning to deal with the reality of my marriage and the reality of Craig and who he is, and he's not going to change.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: That man is not going to change.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Change is not in his vernacular.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Although that's not totally true.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: He has changed a lot.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: So see here again, I learn.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: He's changed a lot, but just not in the things that would make my life easier.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: But he has changed a lot, just like all of us.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I can say this.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: My marriage is what it is, and I'm learning to accept that.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Our life here in Chicago is better than our life has ever been.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: So two things can be true.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Last night there is something that happens, it's called music on the water.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: And one of our um architectural boats, that there are many for the boat tours on the river, fills up with an orchestra, orchestra, and a choir, and they play going down the river.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So last night, Craig and I got home from our Wednesday night church, um, sat around for a little bit, talked, and then we just walked down our street.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right down our street, Wabash goes right to the river.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Four blocks up, no, maybe three, three blocks up, stood on the bridge and watched them come, watched them go by.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't feel the need to walk down and listen to the whole choir and excuse me, orchestra concert.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: We just enjoyed what we saw.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if we were living back in the suburbs, we'd be sitting on a couch, or I'd be one room, he'd be in another.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Our life here is so much richer.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Is it perfect?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Is my marriage exactly where I want it to be?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you nothing but honesty here.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: That is my goal.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: But am I happier?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Two things can be true.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna give you start with strategy tip number one.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Stop waiting for things to go back to normal.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: This may be my biggest lesson.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes there is no going back.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe we don't want to.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked this summer about retirement.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's no Monday morning commute anymore.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about downsizing.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the giant family house isn't the center of everything anymore.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about friendships.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Some people stay, some drift away.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Same with family members.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And occasionally, someone you never expected becomes incredibly important.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, how isn't that true?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about marriage.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Good lord, we've talked about marriage.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I probably talked about marriage more than I should, and I'll probably let it go for a while.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Marriage changes when you're together more.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: It changes when work disappears.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: It changes when health changes.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: It changes because we change.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of trying to recreate the life you had at 45, what would happen if we got curious about the life we could have at 65, 70, or 80?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's much more interesting.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: How about you?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that was strategy tip number one.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Getting curious.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Survival strategy number two.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to change your mind.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love this one.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to change your mind because I did.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody, I get so sick of people going, You hated Chicago.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was too cold.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, I hated Chicago when I came here with little kids that were freezing all the time.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: I hated Chicago coming in the winter all the time because guess what?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: What I learned is we had California winter coats.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's a difference between a Chicago winter coat and a California one.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we came unprepared.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: So we're allowed to change our mind.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to change your mind about what you want, about where you live, about how you spend your time, about who gets access to your time.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And most of all, what are you willing to tolerate?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also able to change what makes me happy.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: There are things I thought mattered enormously when I was young that I simply do not care about anymore.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care about what I live in and what I drive.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that drove a lot of my life before.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And things are things.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: There are things I barely noticed when I was younger that mean everything to me now.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: A good conversation, a beautiful morning, time with my kids, friends who really know me, travel, my podcasts.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love these.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Whether people listen or not, guess what?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: This works for me.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm grateful y'all listen.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: A day where I can do exactly what I want.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: I did that the other day.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I did not have a great day on Monday.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was a really crappy day.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what I did when I got home from the gym?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Craig and I had some plans for Labor Day, and he said, Are we gonna?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Nope, I'm crawling into bed.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: I pulled down my new shades in my room, made it dark, stayed in there all day.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: He stayed clear of me.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: He was smart.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I watched murders all day.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not the best thing to feed the mind.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: I got up Tuesday, made the decision to have a better day, and I did.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been a great week ever since.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love a day where I do exactly what I want.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you do too.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, a really crisp diet coke always makes my days better.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to rewrite the list.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: You are definitely allowed to rewrite the list.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to change your mind whenever you want to.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a strategy tip number three.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Don't confuse familiar with good.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that's a big one.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just because something familiar doesn't make it good.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because remember, familiar feels safe.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Even when familiar isn't making us happy, we stay in routines because we've always done them.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: We keep traditions because we've always had them.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: We maintain relationships in exactly the same way because that's how it's always worked.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we need to ask, is this actually good for me?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it simply familiar?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean blowing up your life every Tuesday.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't email me and say, Marcy told me to sell my house and move to Portugal.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I did not.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Although Portugal is a really lovely place to live, what I'm saying is we should occasionally examine our lives.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do I still enjoy doing this?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Do I still want this?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Does this relationship still feel reciprocal?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Does the tradition still bring joy?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Am I doing this because I want to?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I simply doing it because I've done it forever?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or because am I doing something because Marcy from 20 years ago decided this is what we do?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because guess what?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Today's Marcy gets a vote, and so do you.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Look at your life.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Make the changes necessary.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Strategy number four, keep something new in your life.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think this one matters enormously.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Learning something, going somewhere, meeting someone, trying something, starting something.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to climb Everest.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: I am trying to learn Spanish.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I am struggling greatly because I can't remember anything.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh chemotherapy did not help my brain.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you that much.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm working on it.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's going okay, but I'm still doing it.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Keep something new in your life.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: I also started doing Sudoku puzzles.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm obsessed.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to climb Mount Everest again.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need that kind of responsibility.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: It can be tiny.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Try a restaurant you've never tried before.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Take a class, learn a few words in another language, go to a play, listen to different music, take the trip, start the podcast you've been thinking of.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Have you been listening to me and thinking I can do that better than her?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Then do it.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or have you been listening to me and thinking that looks like fun and challenging?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because it is.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me work every week.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Three times, three podcasts now.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Unbottled, my sobriety podcast.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: This one, Aging A for Sissies, talking to us about getting old.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: And my third one, Inside Marcy's Mind, which is the one where I can be the most creative because I can talk about anything.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: So start your own podcast.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Walk into the room where you don't know anybody.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think curiosity keeps us young in a way Botox never will.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Although I'm not certainly not criticizing Botox.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, I need some and I haven't had it since I got cancer.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I don't need it.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I need to live with this face the way it is.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody gets to choose their own survival strategy, but curiosity keeps the world from shrinking.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want my world to shrink.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want it to keep getting bigger.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And with that said, my next trip coming up is to Paris in the south of France.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Extremely excited.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: I get more nervous when I travel now.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't when I was young.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: I noticed that that's something that's happening to me.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: I used to have total confidence in myself when I went somewhere.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: But do I stop that?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, I keep going.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: So what am I doing differently?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I've shared a little bit.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: All right, this whole series has made me think about what am I doing differently?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to spend less time managing everyone else's life.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that, and if you're out there and I've been managing your life, I'm sorry, but I'm trying to do it less.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm trying to spend more time, less time managing everyone else's life and more time actually living mine.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds obvious, it's not.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Especially when you're a mom, you're married, and you're someone who likes to fix things.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I'm a fixer.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: I have learned that in the last five years, what a fixer I am.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: We see a problem and think, well, obviously, I should handle that.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe not.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe sometimes the healthiest sentence in the English language is that's not mine to fix.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: You've heard the saying, not my circus, not my monkeys.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to pay more attention to what makes my life feel full.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's my kids, my friends, travel, work.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: I love my podcasts.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: My health is important, and I need to stay abreast of that, and I am.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And shockingly, having a husband who has always been the picture of health, having a stroke, hmm, that is a life-changing event.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I realized how much it changed my life.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Having him get sick.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Things change.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: Things we want to and things we don't have control over.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think about things that make me laugh.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be curious.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: I still want to experience things.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not being selfish, it's called living.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how many years I have left, and I know my older friends all laugh at that, but people with ailer, stan los, vascular type 4, which is what I have, it's a genetic disorder.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: The average lifespan is 50 years old.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm 65.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I look at life a little different than others.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't really know.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Just like all of us, we don't know how much time we have.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: But having that statistic living over me makes me feel that I've already outlived mine.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I need to stay focused.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, we all have got a lot more time left.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm increasingly aware that I don't want to spend that time waiting for someone else to change before I allow myself to be happy.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening today and you're somewhere in the middle of change, you didn't ask for, you're not alone.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe retirement doesn't feel the way you expected.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your marriage has changed.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your children don't need you in the same way anymore.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll tell you a secret, they still need you.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've lost friendships, maybe you've lost family members, maybe your body isn't cooperating.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have chronic pain.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're wondering, who am I now?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of us are asking that.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the answer isn't something we discover once.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we keep answering it.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I now?
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want to be next?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can ask that at any age.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: What matters to me now?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: What am I finished carrying?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, if you don't ask any other question, ask that one.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: What am I finished carrying?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want to take with me?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's aging, not disappearing.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Becoming something.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my final survival challenge for you.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to take the end of the series with one final challenge.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to actually do this.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: Take out a piece of paper.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, actual paper.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: We're old school today.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to write.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Down two headings with one side saying, What am I ready to leave behind?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: And the other saying, What do I want more of?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Don't overthink it.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're leaving behind guilt, obligation, clutter, people pleasing, trying to make everybody happy, old expectations, relationships that drain you, saving everything for someday.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And on the other side, what do I want more of?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Travel, friends, peace, adventure, laughter, family, creativity, quiet, love, fun.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, write it down.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because maybe that's our real aging survival guide.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe all this stuff I've talked about for 12 weeks doesn't matter.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a list of rules, a compass.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Less of what drains me and more than what feeds me.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Less of what drains me and more of what makes me feel alive.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: All right, everybody.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Our aging survival guide is officially complete finito.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: And after an entire summer of talking about how to survive getting older, I think I've changed my mind.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to survive aging.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want to live it.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: I want the trips, the conversation, laugh with my friends, with my kids, keep creating.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am a creative.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think I forgot that.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Keep changing my mind.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: You bet.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Trying things that scare me a little, you bet.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I've been doing that.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I've gone across a suspension bridge.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think I could do.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: I can't remember what else, but there's a few other things I've done.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've driven cross-country back and forth by myself.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Stop carrying things that don't belong to me anymore.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: I want to stop saying saving the good stuff for later.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because this isn't a waiting room.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: FYI, this is your life right now.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe aging really ain't for sissies, but I don't think it's supposed to be.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: It takes guts to change.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: It takes guts to let go.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: It takes guts to start again.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it takes guts to say, This is what I want my life to look like now.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you as always for spending this summer with me and our aging survival guide.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: That whole Craig thing got me choked up.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if I sound a little choked up, I am.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: I hope somewhere along the way you laughed.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: I hope something made you think.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And most of all, I hope you remember that there is still so much life ahead.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: The survival guide may be finished, but we sure aren't.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Marcy.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is Aging Aim for Sissies.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: And on next time, next week's episode, we are going to talk about strokes.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a medical professional.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to tell you what I've learned, tell you what I know, give you a little heads up on what they can look like, things like that.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: But again, I'm not a medical professional.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not taking that responsibility, but I'm going to do some more research and give you a little update on that.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: So until then, go live your life.