Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 29 | Balancing High Performance and Authenticity as a Founder Dad to Beat Dad Guilt
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to The Reset, episode number 29 with me, Shaun Tucker. I am your host. Where is the intersection or what is the intersection between performance and authenticity? And in this case, authenticity literally, it really just means you're giving yourself permission to be yourself. So I've had a lot to think about this and I spent a lot of time thinking about this because the times where I felt most authentic are times where I felt most relaxed. And that's the thing, performance is you putting on pressure, is you taking that pressure maybe from outside or inside and pushing yourself to follow a script or follow something you think you should do, follow the plan. But when it comes to being authentic, you don't plan, you just say what happens next, or you do what happens next. You just take one foot and put it in front of the next one. You don't have to plan the map on how you're gonna climb the mountain. You just climb the mountain. and you do it in a way that you're just present. You're listening to see what the next cue is, see what the next action step is. And when you're performing on the other hand... It's ensuring that there's metrics you've got to hit. There's basically a compass. There's some form of map that you must follow. Some form of plan. And for me, I actually love the intersection of both of them. Where you're following the plan, but you're making it your own. Where you are yourself. Relaxed. Joyful. Present. But able to put on a show. able to entertain, able to draw attention without needing or pushing attention to be brought to you. And think this is something that's really hard to embody, but at the same time, once you get it, it's almost impossible not to do it. Because all of that training you've done in the past where maybe you've had to perform. has led you to become the character that you are now. and the character you are now, I wish for you to be relaxed, to be confident, to be comfortable. But if you're not, see, I went through this stage of my business journey where I was trying to attract the version of myself that I wanted to be. I was trying to attract clients. of an avatar or persona. that I wasn't quite yet at that stage. So I was dressing like them. I was trying to show up like them. I was speaking in that way. And I was forcing myself to be someone I wasn't. And it wasn't until I was called out for it. And thank you, you know who you are. that I changed, that I dissolved myself, that I realized what I was doing. And if it weren't for that person to gently nudge me and say, really, just ask her, am I happy doing what I'm doing? I said, no, I'm not. I haven't laughed in weeks. That's when all the pressure dissolved. It was one of those moments, rare moments, where you realize what you were seeking wasn't happiness or fulfillment. It was someone else's dream. And maybe it was a dream. that someone mentioned to you. I could see you doing this. I could see you being this person. But if it's not in alignment with what you want, or if it's driven by the wrong drivers... See if you've ever been in a taxi. Time goes by really slowly when the taxi drivers not engaged with you and not connecting with you and you're just sitting there like maybe they're they got their earphones in and they're talking to someone on the phone not really engaging with you at all compared to when you're in the taxi and someone who's fun engaging and just loves to chat with you and get to know you in that journey how quickly does the time pass? And that's the thing, I think life goes by so quickly when you're having fun. It feels like it crushes you when you're not having fun. And time can really go super slowly. Time doesn't change, it's your perception and your perspective that shifts. That's the only thing that changes. And the thing I love about the intersection between being able to perform and being able to be your authentic self is that you really get to know who you are. You really get to start creating who you want to become. And you get to be really intentional about the people you spend time with. Because if you're someone who tends to over give and people please and do all these things that are coming from a place of lack, which I was doing that. It's not a life where life will reward you. It's a life where you will be straining and stretching and stressing yourself out. And I say that with an open heart because if I didn't go through that experience, I wouldn't be able to talk about it right now. And so living a life that is aligned, that makes you feel alive, that you're excited to wake up and to work on, to work with and to work through. Because that's one part of your life, right? What you do for work, how you show up as a, like being a dad, being with yourself, fitness, all those things, they're just aspects of life and your life. which will make up your memories. But life itself is only happening now. There's no yesterday, there's no tomorrow, it's just now. and how you are right now, if you're feeling loved, you're feeling joyful, amazing, but if you're feeling disconnected, sad or even depressed, there's also nothing wrong with that too because these are just stages of where you're at in your relationship with life. You can't move away from one without avoiding it, without going through it. You actually need those contrasts of high and low so you can truly appreciate that experience. So you can truly be present with all experiences that life brings you. And this is the thing. I know many of us love to get high, love to ride those highs of emotion, but we'll quickly run away or avoid or mask those low experiences. The ones where you feel depressed, the ones where you feel sad, in grief, angry, whatever it is. it's easier to run away from them and seek the highs than it is to actually be with the lows. But being with them and learning to be with them and being able to consciously choose how you respond to them, that's the gift of life. That's the gift of being a human being because you do get to choose if you're present enough, if you have the patience to be with those moments. Many of us do not have the patience. One of the greatest gifts my daughter has given me is the gift of patience. She's taught me to be with myself because being with her when there's something out of balance in me, it reflects back from her. You know, she gets quite upset, she gets quite short. And that's why I love being with kids because they show you things in the most innocent way of what you're actually running away from or what you're avoiding. And if it's a hard conversation with a partner or a child, a parent, whatever it is, a relative, a business colleague, a manager, a boss. Those are the conversations, those are the feelings that are reflected back. And if we give ourselves permission to be with them, oftentimes we don't need to solve them outside of ourselves. Because once we see what it is inside of us, that's not feeling that fulfillment, not feeling that... I suppose comfort that relaxation that ease in our system Then we'll have to feel like we're gonna perform. We'll have to prepare. We'll have to plan and this is when we're set up setting expectations and if we set really really strong expectations and don't get out what we expect Well, then the whole cycle continues the disappointment leads to sadness, feeling like I'm a failure, which once again just reenacts this whole loop of just feeling like crap. so don't have all the answers. But I do have some experience in the relationship that I have with life and I'm happy to share them with you because it affects every relationship we have. including our partner, our children, our parents, our business colleagues, every little piece of life that exists. And so if you found value in today's episode, I'd love you to share it with just one person. And I'd love to know as well, what does it mean for you to perform but actually be yourself? For me, it's about just testing who I think I am. Do I really think that I am this person? Can I break that? Can I see that I'm not that person? So just share it with one person if you found value today. Appreciate you for tuning in and I'll see you in tomorrow's episode.