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Generation Women & The Art of Shared Healing · Recovering Out Loud

• 0:00
  Yeah. So we heard about this event
• 0:04
  that was happening in New York. I don't know how I don't know
• 0:07
  when you and I might call it a godshot, like where it's like,
• 0:11
  how did this even come into our path?
• 0:12
  And it was this storytelling event where you would invite a
• 0:16
  woman or non binary person to share a personal story as it
• 0:21
  relates to a common theme. And that would look like 20s,
• 0:25
  thirties, 40s, fifties, sixties, 70s plus.
• 0:28
  And for me, it felt like, oh, this is a way to bring something
• 0:34
  that has been instrumental in my recovery to everyday people, non
• 0:39
  addicts, essentially, right? Which is that shared
• 0:42
  storytelling. It's not beautiful.
• 0:45
  It's not in a it's not a Ted Talk.
• 0:47
  It's not it's and I tell people all the time when they're coming
• 0:50
  on the show, I'm like, this is not your opportunity to do a Ted
• 0:54
  Talk. You just come tell your story,
• 0:58
  your truth, say your truth about the theme, and the magic will
• 1:02
  happen. Hi there, welcome back or
• 1:04
  welcome to Recovering Out Loud podcast, the show where we get
• 1:08
  real about mental health and addiction.
• 1:10
  I'm so glad you're here. If you or someone you love is
• 1:14
  struggling with drugs or alcohol, please reach out for
• 1:17
  help. Send me a message on all social
• 1:20
  media platforms at Recovering Out Loud Pod or by e-mail at
• 1:24
  Recovering Out outloudpod@gmail.com.
• 1:28
  You are no longer alone. So yeah.
• 1:47
  Rock'n'roll, baby. Yeah, I mean, that's the way it
• 1:49
  is, right? I actually posted on the wall
• 1:52
  there. It's when you walk in.
• 1:54
  I posted like looking for addicts in recovery to come on
• 1:57
  the podcast, right? Haven't gotten one call.
• 1:59
  I thought for sure I. Was like I thought for sure
• 2:03
  denial maybe? They're not there yet.
• 2:05
  You should have put underneath. PS I'll save you a seat.
• 2:09
  Do you want to know? I should have put the 21
• 2:11
  questions maybe on the wall. No.
• 2:13
  Painful. Yeah.
• 2:14
  Thanks so much for coming down, guys.
• 2:16
  I really appreciate it. I loved.
• 2:18
  I know I love when people reach out to me and you know, I'm
• 2:24
  really interested to hear what you guys are doing.
• 2:26
  I heard a little bit about it, but I, I want to know more about
• 2:30
  it. You know, we know each other
• 2:31
  from from the recovery community, which is now the
• 2:34
  second time that's happened to me where I had someone in here.
• 2:37
  I know, right? I thought for sure it.
• 2:38
  Was way. More I'm not reaching out to
• 2:40
  enough people and clearly, but I, you know, another woman came
• 2:43
  in here and I was like, I know you.
• 2:45
  And so it's beautiful. You know, it's a small world,
• 2:47
  this recovery community in Toronto, but it saved my life.
• 2:50
  So why don't you both introduce yourselves and give us a little
• 2:55
  bit about maybe, I don't know, you're, you're in recovery, Jen,
• 3:00
  and but you are not. Nor does she need it.
• 3:05
  Yeah, nor does she need it. Yeah, thank you.
• 3:07
  So just let's do that. Start with a little introductory
• 3:10
  and what maybe what mental health means to you today.
• 3:14
  Oh wow, just a casual ice breaker just gonna drop.
• 3:17
  That. OK, so my name's Jen Baxendale
• 3:21
  and I am one of the Co founders as well as the host of
• 3:27
  Generation Women Canada. And that is a live show we hear
• 3:31
  we do here in Toronto and is actually starting to expand this
• 3:35
  year, which is really exciting. And I've been sober from alcohol
• 3:41
  and drugs, specifically cocaine since 2012.
• 3:45
  So I just celebrated 13 years of consecutive recovery.
• 3:50
  Amazing. Yeah.
• 3:52
  And so, yeah, we do know each other.
• 3:54
  We've like orbited, I think is how I would describe it.
• 3:57
  But I probably wouldn't have even known your name
• 3:59
  necessarily. Like, I kind of like saw you
• 4:02
  around. I'm sure 'cause I see the men,
• 4:04
  but I tend to stick with the women.
• 4:06
  So yeah, when I saw you were doing this, I was like, this
• 4:09
  feels great because there is some motivation for when we
• 4:13
  started the show that ties into like a lot of the things that I
• 4:17
  learned in recovery. So that's kind of me in a
• 4:21
  nutshell. Over to you.
• 4:23
  Don't choke. Oh.
• 4:27
  Jen's good at speaking in rooms. I love your relationship
• 4:30
  already, this is great. Well, let's talk about it.
• 4:32
  So my name's Kirsten Rila. Jen and I are actually best
• 4:36
  friends also and we met in 2008. 7 I think. 7-8 I had a business.
• 4:45
  I sold it to the company she was the VP of and we immediately
• 4:50
  looked each other up and down and thought, you are fun, let's
• 4:54
  hang out. This could work.
• 4:56
  But Jen was not in recovery and so while I was drawn to her as a
• 5:01
  person, we couldn't maintain a friendship because she wasn't
• 5:05
  the most reliable person. I can't relate to that at all.
• 5:08
  No, no, no. And the great end of that story
• 5:14
  is that she became sober and I got the best of both worlds.
• 5:18
  I got, you know, this amazing, beautiful friendship out of it
• 5:22
  and and to celebrate her sobriety along with her.
• 5:24
  So I'm not sober, nor do I need to be.
• 5:27
  Thanks for calling that out. But I support and celebrate all
• 5:31
  of her milestones and medallions.
• 5:33
  Sure. Yeah.
• 5:34
  And you are also my Co producer. That's right, I also Co
• 5:38
  produced. The show Generation Women.
• 5:40
  Yeah. I'm more in the background,
• 5:41
  although I've been getting on stage a little bit more to get
• 5:44
  over my fear of public speaking in front of an and we do this
• 5:48
  for fun, like this is a passion project for us.
• 5:50
  We both have full time gigs. This is, you know, something we
• 5:54
  just are incredibly certain needs to happen as an event
• 5:59
  series because of the community that it celebrates and that it
• 6:01
  creates. Awesome.
• 6:03
  Yeah. Tend to me a favor and just tilt
• 6:05
  it down a little bit. It's just it's covering your
• 6:07
  face and I want to see your face or they stop flirting.
• 6:10
  They want to see your face. So, so that's amazing.
• 6:17
  So you got to see her before and that's why.
• 6:20
  So, 'cause when I was saying you're not in recovery, I was
• 6:23
  about to say, but you've been touched by addiction.
• 6:25
  But I can't like I confirm nor deny that, right?
• 6:28
  So now it seems like you do have experience with recovery because
• 6:32
  you've seen it in your life and you've seen what addiction is
• 6:35
  all about. Can you talk a little bit about
• 6:37
  like the before and after transition?
• 6:39
  Sure, sure. And I will say my dad was an
• 6:41
  alcoholic who never went into recovery.
• 6:44
  Yeah, Jen, I mean, I clearly saw that there were fantastic
• 6:48
  qualities about her. But as fabulous as that was, it
• 6:55
  came with a lot of challenges because, you know, making plans,
• 7:02
  being a trustworthy person when it comes to just being reliable,
• 7:06
  whether it's things you say and things you do.
• 7:09
  Yeah, actions by action words, Yeah, wasn't really anything.
• 7:12
  That was tough. And it certainly when we
• 7:14
  socialized, it was never only about socializing very quickly,
• 7:18
  right? Like we'd be like, hey, let's
• 7:20
  hang out and do a puzzle. And you'd be like, I just did
• 7:22
  lines in the washroom. Yeah.
• 7:23
  Like I would roll up like I'm thinking of that specific night
• 7:27
  and it was like I was, you know, 10 steps ahead of everybody else
• 7:33
  and like not matching the under. Like I was not reading the room.
• 7:36
  No, we'd be. Opening diet Cokes and she would
• 7:38
  be literally cutting lines in my bathroom.
• 7:41
  Yeah. So.
• 7:43
  She'd be like, hey guys, let's party.
• 7:45
  It's like 4:00 PM. Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:47
  Yeah, 1000% People have stories about like me showing up at
• 7:53
  morning time or end it being like that, like just always
• 7:58
  really to the extreme. And I think when I think about
• 8:03
  those things, it's it's interesting because I like
• 8:06
  always wanted to be friends with you and I wanted to be reliable
• 8:10
  and I didn't necessarily want to be that person, right?
• 8:14
  It's like now when I see myself in recovery, like I would love
• 8:18
  to do a puzzle. I would, I can imagine like what
• 8:22
  that kind of is like when you're dealing with an addict versus a
• 8:26
  non addict, right? Like I've just and it can show
• 8:29
  up like even as a recovered person, like I can or person in
• 8:32
  recovery. I don't really like that
• 8:34
  terminology. I, I can feel like I'm like, I'm
• 8:38
  still drinking energy drinks sometimes and I'm still like,
• 8:42
  let's do like like over scheduling and that.
• 8:45
  So it's like I do sometimes feel it, but it's obviously it's not
• 8:49
  killing me. So it's not nearly what it once
• 8:51
  was. Although you did bring me a Diet
• 8:53
  Coke today. I did.
• 8:55
  We call them fridge cigarettes. A fridge ciggy.
• 9:00
  When you go, you're like, Oh, yeah.
• 9:02
  So dirty all that aspartame. Yes, that's the second thing
• 9:05
  I've learned today already. And then yes, we're not even 5
• 9:08
  minutes in, 10 minutes in. I love it.
• 9:09
  Fridge. Cigarette.
• 9:10
  Listen, I will say the mental health thing is another piece
• 9:13
  that. We we share that for.
• 9:14
  We absolutely share that we both have our semi colon tattoo.
• 9:17
  If you're familiar with what that is explain that Oh, I'm
• 9:20
  gonna ruin this. The semi colon project was
• 9:22
  started by a lovely woman and I feel horrible that I don't
• 9:25
  remember her name but it was really looking at the purpose of
• 9:30
  a semi colon in in grammar and that it means the sentence is
• 9:33
  not over and it for people that have this tattoo means they
• 9:37
  either or are supportive of someone who chose not to commit
• 9:41
  suicide. Their sentence is your life.
• 9:43
  Yeah, so like when you could have chosen to end it, which is
• 9:47
  like a semi colon, instead the sentence carried on.
• 9:50
  So that was the semi colon project.
• 9:53
  I don't necessarily endorse it or know where it's at today,
• 9:56
  like if it's still an active thing, but we.
• 9:58
  She unfortunately did in her life, which is very sad, but
• 10:02
  there's a beautiful community around it.
• 10:04
  I've been in places and. Like people notice it like and
• 10:08
  will like say oh, like me too or it's like a very.
• 10:12
  It's a whole other community, yeah.
• 10:14
  Yeah, I think that's amazing. What a great I I just, I can
• 10:18
  relate that so much to like addiction too, where it's like,
• 10:21
  you know, I when I came into recovery, maybe you can relate
• 10:25
  to this too, But it's like I thought my life was over, right?
• 10:28
  And I thought it was done. I wanted to kill myself many
• 10:30
  times. I think, I think a lot of the
• 10:33
  time though, although I didn't really plan out suicide or or
• 10:38
  try to take my life yet. I always say yet because I don't
• 10:40
  know what will happen if I go out there again and use, but I
• 10:44
  would just have scenarios in my head where I'd be like, I
• 10:46
  wouldn't mind if you know, this happened or yeah, you know,
• 10:50
  totally. And that's the place it brings
• 10:51
  you to. So I love that.
• 10:52
  That's amazing. It's like if the story is not
• 10:54
  over yet, the sentence is not over yet.
• 10:56
  There's more learning to be had and more relationships to be
• 11:00
  built and more sunsets and sunrises to sea, right?
• 11:03
  And it just, I love the terminology of like when it
• 11:06
  could have ended, it carried on. And it's not that when it could
• 11:09
  have ended, it got amazing and everything was great, you know,
• 11:12
  or like, it's like, no, you just, it carried on.
• 11:15
  And that feels like really relative to both of our mental
• 11:19
  health journeys. I'm moved by the fact that you
• 11:22
  say yet when you talked about suicide, because clearly that's
• 11:26
  not cool. I'm medicated.
• 11:29
  I feel really good. It doesn't mean it's gone away,
• 11:33
  but at one point someone said to me, promise me you won't do
• 11:38
  anything without talking to me first.
• 11:40
  And so, and they made me shake on it.
• 11:42
  So I'm gonna do that to you right now.
• 11:44
  So promise me you won't do anything.
• 11:47
  Shake on it. I like that.
• 11:48
  It's better shake get over. Here you promise me.
• 11:50
  You. Won't do anything, I promise
• 11:52
  you. Yes, I promise you.
• 11:54
  Thank you. I love that.
• 11:55
  That's great. Everyone heard that.
• 11:57
  Yeah, that now it's all over the Internet.
• 11:59
  So you're you're accountable. Yeah.
• 12:01
  Forever. But no, I think it's important.
• 12:05
  I mean, anytime I've ever gone back out and relapsed, it's
• 12:10
  because I missed that step, that important step of telling
• 12:13
  somebody about my grand ideas and plans.
• 12:16
  And, you know, I was mentioning to you that the eight years,
• 12:19
  like, yeah, my life was amazing. It was incredible.
• 12:21
  I never thought I would relapse ever.
• 12:23
  It was not a part of my story in my mind, right.
• 12:25
  And that's why I say yet today, because I have, all I have is
• 12:30
  today, right? I know today I don't think about
• 12:32
  suicide today. I don't think about the drugs
• 12:34
  right now. And if I can get to bed sober
• 12:37
  and in a good mind state or not even in a good mind state, if I
• 12:40
  can get to bed sober, like that's a win for me today.
• 12:43
  Right. Well, the other thing about the
• 12:45
  after is you did say that your friendship group changed.
• 12:49
  Oh yeah. And then I got more of you to
• 12:50
  me. So selfishly, it worked out
• 12:52
  really well. But you talked a lot about that,
• 12:54
  that people didn't know how to socialize with you, right you.
• 12:59
  So I was. It's gotten better because now
• 13:01
  there are it's more, there are more activities for sober
• 13:04
  people. It's actually become quite a
• 13:06
  thing, right? Sober parties sober this and
• 13:08
  daytime parties but 13 years ago.
• 13:12
  No, 13 years ago we were still doing beer at yoga and I was
• 13:17
  like, what? Does that look like that?
• 13:18
  Sounds awful. Like, listen, I didn't go to it.
• 13:21
  I was, I was too drunk. Yeah.
• 13:24
  Like how do people even make it there?
• 13:25
  No. But it was like, it was so
• 13:27
  ingrained in everything and like, going out was like, not
• 13:30
  we're gonna drink, we're gonna get annihilated.
• 13:33
  It was very much that like the 2000s culture and yeah, there
• 13:38
  was that I was getting a Diet Coke.
• 13:40
  I have a fridge ciggy or Red Bull, a Red Bull or water right.
• 13:46
  And now like I could. I love when you do your, like,
• 13:49
  reviews of the different, like whether it's non Elks or it's
• 13:53
  like different beverages. It's exciting.
• 13:56
  And like, Kirsten's such an advocate for me.
• 13:57
  Like when we go out for dinner and like, we look at the menu,
• 14:00
  'cause we travel a lot together. She'll be like, not really, not
• 14:03
  much here. Like, yeah.
• 14:05
  That's. That little X in this, but other
• 14:07
  times it's like, oh, wait until you see like it's right there in
• 14:10
  the front, right. And so, you know, going back to
• 14:13
  that, the friendship and us, I guess reconnecting.
• 14:18
  I don't even know, like coming back together I guess.
• 14:20
  Her meeting the real you, maybe. Yeah, even that was she was one
• 14:25
  of the first people that I told that I was trying to get sober
• 14:28
  when I sought sobriety the first time because I had I did have
• 14:33
  one relapse. I didn't tell anyone at first
• 14:37
  because I didn't want to be accountable, right.
• 14:39
  If once I tell people that I'm doing this this thing and but I
• 14:43
  did, you know, I told her I actually remember we were at
• 14:45
  Spice route. We were on the patio.
• 14:47
  Like it, you know, when you have that moment, like is the same
• 14:50
  way I remember my first drink and the music that was playing
• 14:54
  and the sound of the room it like, I can go back there, which
• 14:57
  is like generally a good indicator that you might have a
• 15:00
  problem. Spoiler alert, not many people
• 15:04
  remember the moment they drank in the song they were playing
• 15:08
  for the first time. So anyway, yeah, telling her was
• 15:12
  like that step of accountability, you know, saying
• 15:17
  my truth about what was going on because a lot of what was going
• 15:21
  on around me looked the same, right?
• 15:22
  I was 27. I think when I first came into a
• 15:26
  A and not there wasn't a ton. Now there's way more and I love
• 15:31
  that. I love that for the community.
• 15:35
  And there wasn't a lot to do. There really wasn't like there
• 15:37
  was no sober community. There was like maybe dry
• 15:41
  January, but I don't even think so.
• 15:43
  I feel like that came after. And with all these new kind of
• 15:46
  menu options and this new kind of approach towards that, it
• 15:51
  feels like as someone who is a supporter of a sober person, I
• 15:56
  can talk about it more freely. I think before, yeah, 13 years
• 15:59
  ago, if you weren't drinking, people were still pressuring you
• 16:03
  and asking why. And that's become more
• 16:06
  normalized even today. When we came in, I asked you, is
• 16:08
  it rude to ask how much time someone has?
• 16:11
  I don't know. So I, you know, she is educating
• 16:13
  me as well on, I know it's your own experience, but on generally
• 16:17
  what the community is feels OK being talked about or asked
• 16:22
  about. Yeah.
• 16:22
  And there's a lot of that. I'm not sure what you have
• 16:25
  experienced around like, like breaking your anonymity, so to
• 16:30
  speak, because even for me, I've always been open.
• 16:34
  I've always had the luxury, as I say, to be able to tell the
• 16:39
  career that I was in for a very long time.
• 16:41
  Everyone there knew I was in recovery.
• 16:43
  Everyone there knew I had a problem.
• 16:45
  My family, my, you know, the friend group that I started
• 16:49
  building back up, but it wasn't very common.
• 16:52
  Like a lot of people weren't necessarily talking about it.
• 16:55
  And I talk about it all of the time because I think it is so
• 16:59
  important that we come out of the dark basement and actually
• 17:04
  say, hey, like, addiction can look like this.
• 17:07
  It can look like me in my late 20s.
• 17:10
  It can look like someone with a career like it does, not what
• 17:14
  was originally shown on TVI think it's getting better now,
• 17:17
  like the representation of of addiction and recovery, but it
• 17:22
  wasn't like that then. And it's been a really important
• 17:24
  part of my journey to actually be open.
• 17:29
  And I've actually been able to have people reach out to me and
• 17:33
  say like, hey, I'm struggling or my sister's struggling.
• 17:38
  Like because of my openness, it is open that communication to
• 17:42
  allow me to like help other people as well in a totally
• 17:45
  different way. That's like outside of
• 17:48
  traditional recovery rooms. Absolutely.
• 17:51
  And that's the best part, right? When you get those messages,
• 17:53
  it's the greatest thing ever. Yeah, that happens to me a lot.
• 17:57
  So it's interesting that you bring that up because I made a
• 18:00
  switch this time around where I had almost a double life before
• 18:04
  where I was sober, thriving eight years.
• 18:08
  And then I went to work and I didn't talk about it at all,
• 18:11
  right. And I, I'll never forget this.
• 18:12
  I remember I was going, we were going for lunch one time with
• 18:15
  some guys in my office and I had the recovery literature in the
• 18:18
  back seat. That's looks like a Bible.
• 18:21
  And the guys got in the the truck, the car and nobody said
• 18:25
  anything. But after I noticed after when
• 18:27
  we got out that I left it in the back, I had a panic attack.
• 18:30
  Like I literally, I was like, I might get fired.
• 18:32
  All these thoughts are going through my head.
• 18:34
  And so to your point, Oh my God, is it so much easier to live
• 18:38
  life when you just don't give a shit about what other people
• 18:41
  think, whether you're in recovery or not.
• 18:43
  Because for a long time I was, I think I was a little bit ashamed
• 18:46
  of it, even though I was strung up to meetings and I was like,
• 18:47
  this is great. I love being sober.
• 18:49
  No, I'll tell everybody now I struggle with the thing I
• 18:52
  struggle with now is, and I'm learning this in school.
• 18:54
  I'm back in school for social work.
• 18:56
  And they, she talked, they, one of my professors talks about
• 19:01
  just how much you tell your story, like and, and, and what
• 19:03
  moments, because I've definitely overshared before, right?
• 19:07
  And people have been like what, smoking meth like.
• 19:09
  I, I remember telling a story like, you know, when you have
• 19:12
  like T threes and you like cut them up and you rail them and
• 19:14
  like I was like, oh, not a safe space like.
• 19:17
  The library. Everyone was like, but it's
• 19:19
  true, right? And the duplicity was what I
• 19:22
  struggled with, actually, what you're talking about.
• 19:24
  I was like, you're coming in, you know, my relationship with
• 19:27
  12 step program is, is probably not your traditional 12 step
• 19:32
  necessarily. So I will say that and to each
• 19:34
  their own. And I'm very much a believer in
• 19:36
  like whatever your recovery looks like is what it looks
• 19:39
  like. And there are many paths to
• 19:41
  recovery. It is not just in 12 step, it is
• 19:43
  not just in rehab. I didn't go to rehab, but it is
• 19:49
  for me. I was living such a double life,
• 19:52
  like I was moving person to person.
• 19:54
  I was, I don't even know if I could call it a double life.
• 19:57
  But if I'm with you, I'm acting one way.
• 19:59
  If I'm with you, I'm acting another way.
• 20:02
  And so then to come into 12 step and have this like, you know,
• 20:07
  the importance of anonymity stressed.
• 20:09
  It was a very, I struggled with it 'cause I'm like, OK, so I
• 20:13
  can't, I shouldn't tell people or I should or like if I see you
• 20:17
  on the street, like, isn't that still kind of a dishonesty?
• 20:21
  Like if I'm not and I remember. A switch like there came a point
• 20:25
  where I'm like, oh, I'm an addict, I'm an addict, I'm an
• 20:28
  addict. Like woe is me kind of.
• 20:30
  And I was like, no, I'm a fucking sober addict.
• 20:33
  Like I'm I'm a badass, like I overcame something and I am out
• 20:38
  here like living my best sober life.
• 20:41
  And I'm not going to not talk about it.
• 20:44
  I'm not going to say, oh, hey, you're an A a too.
• 20:47
  No, but I am going to talk about the fact that I'm an addict and
• 20:51
  what it looked like and not downplay it or hide A about it.
• 20:54
  And if someone pressures, not pressures me, but like prompts
• 20:58
  me to know more than I might say.
• 21:00
  Here's one of the tools that I use which is, you know, 12 step
• 21:03
  programming. Yeah, and what that looks like
• 21:06
  and how you can access it. Yeah, exactly.
• 21:08
  Yeah. That's a good point.
• 21:10
  OK, I wanna talk about the generation women some more.
• 21:15
  How did that start? And so where did it?
• 21:19
  Like, where did it start and where is it at today, tomorrow,
• 21:23
  next week? What's and what's on the
• 21:24
  horizon? OK.
• 21:25
  Yeah. You want to start?
• 21:26
  Yeah. We always go to events and love
• 21:30
  attending events. We noticed that there weren't a
• 21:33
  lot of events available to us that reflected either our age,
• 21:38
  our interests. There were some kind of event
• 21:43
  series where people would speak, but we found that they were very
• 21:47
  first world problem type scenarios and there was never
• 21:50
  anyone older. Yeah.
• 21:53
  At all. Like older than like 30 even
• 21:56
  like mid 30 at the at the Max. Yeah.
• 21:58
  Combine that with your experience in recovery.
• 22:01
  Yeah, so we heard about this event that was happening in New
• 22:07
  York. I don't know how I don't know
• 22:09
  when you and I might call it a godshot, like where it's like,
• 22:12
  how did this even come into our path?
• 22:14
  And it was this storytelling event where you would invite a
• 22:19
  woman or non binary person to share a personal story as it
• 22:23
  relates to a common theme. And that would look like 20s,
• 22:28
  thirties, 40s, fifties, sixties, 70s plus.
• 22:31
  And for me, it felt like, oh, this is a way to bring something
• 22:36
  that has been instrumental in my recovery to everyday people, non
• 22:42
  addicts, essentially, right? Which is that shared
• 22:45
  storytelling. It's not beautiful.
• 22:47
  It's not in a it's not a Ted Talk.
• 22:50
  It's not it's and I tell people all the time when they're coming
• 22:53
  on the show, I'm like, this is not your opportunity to do a Ted
• 22:57
  Talk. You just come tell your story,
• 23:01
  your truth, say your truth about the theme and the magic will
• 23:04
  happen, right? And that's what happens in in 12
• 23:08
  steps traditionally, right? It's like people, it could be
• 23:12
  anyone, it could be any age, it could be any anything, right?
• 23:15
  And they tell their story or portion of their story or they
• 23:19
  sit, you know, one-on-one and they share their experience,
• 23:23
  strength and hope on addiction recovery, how to live sober,
• 23:27
  like all of those things, how they work the steps, whatever.
• 23:31
  And I had women who were like very young, you know, people are
• 23:35
  either sponsees or or even just every like other fellows who
• 23:40
  were helping me. And then I had people, as you
• 23:42
  know, 80s, nineties, like there are people still telling their
• 23:47
  story in their late 90s right here in Toronto.
• 23:49
  And they were helping me and they were my friends.
• 23:54
  Like that was the thing too, is like I would get these looks
• 23:56
  sometimes when I would be out with them, whether it was like
• 23:59
  just going for coffee after a meeting or like with sponsors or
• 24:03
  other fellows that I just was like looking for advice from.
• 24:06
  And you could see them being like, well, that's, that's not
• 24:09
  her mom and that's not her grandma, like, or it's not her
• 24:11
  little sister or whatever. Like who is that person?
• 24:14
  I'm like, that's my friend. Like that person helped me get
• 24:17
  through major things, right? Like you do so much growing up
• 24:21
  when you get sober. And so bringing it back to the
• 24:25
  show, I'm like, this is like that, right?
• 24:26
  This is where we go and we will share the story.
• 24:29
  And instead of talking about sobriety or addiction, we're
• 24:32
  gonna talk about, you know, your bucket list or wise words that
• 24:36
  someone shared with you stories about the female body.
• 24:41
  What else? Those are just like a few of
• 24:42
  them, right? And and you go on this journey,
• 24:44
  right? And you go, you have your team
• 24:46
  20s and they're always like vibrant and full of hope and a
• 24:52
  little bit selfish and ego and kind of and then as you go on
• 24:57
  and it starts to shed and these people become just so
• 25:02
  authentically themselves. I don't know how old you are,
• 25:05
  but like when you turn 40 as a woman, it's just like, it's a
• 25:09
  really like atsn turning point where you're just like, I could
• 25:13
  like no, don't care. Like I can think of random shit
• 25:17
  that I was doing when I was younger, like going to the gym
• 25:20
  and like being worried about how I looked or like holding in my
• 25:23
  pee so that I don't like go to the bathroom as if someone's
• 25:26
  going to like, like a guy is going to like know that I went
• 25:30
  pee. It's just like bananas.
• 25:31
  Oh, silly. And so it was, I don't know,
• 25:36
  it's just, it's just you go on this and by 40s it's like, yes.
• 25:40
  And, and by the time you hit 70s, they take the house down.
• 25:42
  It is just like the show is. It does really pull from the
• 25:50
  community and fellowship aspect that I learned in recovery
• 25:53
  spaces. It is a safe space.
• 25:56
  It is inviting. Like we want you to swear.
• 25:58
  We want you to make a mistake. If you cry, that's OK, you know,
• 26:02
  and and what somebody's story. That means everything to me that
• 26:07
  I'm like, wow, like that is somebody else's.
• 26:10
  It wasn't really. And that's that is it right.
• 26:13
  When I go to like a meeting, I'm not expecting that it's always
• 26:17
  going to be amazing and that I'm always going to like it.
• 26:20
  And so that became for me, one of my driving forces is like the
• 26:26
  importance of intergenerational storytelling, the importance of
• 26:30
  hearing from all ages and the importance of sharing everyday
• 26:34
  stories and looking to the, you know, to the youth and also to
• 26:39
  people who are older than yourself.
• 26:41
  Like outside of that bracket. I think once you step outside of
• 26:44
  like 10 years, it tends to be like, why?
• 26:47
  Like who's this friend? It's like, no, they're my
• 26:49
  friend. Why do why are we confined to
• 26:51
  these like buying scenary positions where I can only be
• 26:55
  friends with people who are like 40 ish?
• 26:58
  And women's voices, elevating women's voices, giving them
• 27:03
  literally the microphone to speak in front of a crowd.
• 27:06
  They're not professionals. These are people that we meet in
• 27:09
  everyday life. People refer other women to us
• 27:12
  and we don't want them to be rehearsed.
• 27:17
  They really can't screw it up. They're telling their own story
• 27:20
  and it's very personal. We've been doing this for almost
• 27:23
  three years. We do them four times a year.
• 27:26
  And so in October we have our 3rd anniversary and what's
• 27:29
  exciting is one year ago we had teen 20s from our first show,
• 27:35
  really amazing woman in Chelsea. And she asked us to kind of Co
• 27:41
  host with her a dedicated show in honor of truth and
• 27:46
  reconciliation with a an all indigenous lineup.
• 27:49
  And we are doing that again this year.
• 27:51
  So that has now become something that we hope to do annually.
• 27:54
  And then we've also partnered with the Canadian Women's
• 27:56
  Foundation to do a show in Calgary and that's going to
• 27:58
  happen in October. So it feels fantastic that we're
• 28:03
  able to provide a platform for more women to tell stories and
• 28:09
  more opportunities for people to listen to and are generational,
• 28:13
  you know, women again, or people that represent as women, whoever
• 28:17
  you want to phrase that. Yep, it's it's pretty exciting.
• 28:21
  It's pretty exciting. And we also at our shows, we
• 28:24
  have a marketplace. Yep.
• 28:26
  So we'll bring in female owned small businesses and they can
• 28:28
  come and sell their wares. Yep, for no cost.
• 28:31
  Like we invite them just to like, come and participate.
• 28:34
  Yep, we have food and beverage. We recently got sponsored by
• 28:40
  Collective Arts. Yep.
• 28:41
  So they'll have their amazing selection of non Elks, which
• 28:45
  they are really great at, and we have ASL live interpretation at
• 28:50
  every show just to make it as inclusive as possible.
• 28:52
  We heard that the deaf community rarely have events to go to, and
• 28:59
  so we wanted to be one of them. And we're still waiting for that
• 29:03
  audience to really come out. I feel like they need to know
• 29:06
  more, that it's there for them, but we're going to keep doing
• 29:08
  it, yeah. Amazing And where do you where
• 29:11
  do you see it going? Like where do you want it to go?
• 29:13
  What's next on the horizon? Like that's big the Calgary and
• 29:16
  and spreading out, but what's kind of the vision, I guess just
• 29:20
  touching as many people as possible or.
• 29:22
  Yeah, I think just having people be heard and and the importance
• 29:25
  of storytelling and and the intergenerational aspect of it.
• 29:28
  Like it's one thing for us three to sit and chat, but like it's
• 29:32
  another to bring in, you know, someone who's a lot younger and
• 29:35
  someone who might be a lot older and to actually realize were not
• 29:40
  that different. And we have no idea what stories
• 29:43
  people are carrying with them, right?
• 29:45
  It's not unlike why I wanted to be like, hey, I'm an addict,
• 29:50
  right? Like I am a successful woman
• 29:52
  running a marketing agency. I for all intents and purposes,
• 29:57
  like look put together and I'm burning my life to the ground,
• 30:00
  right? It's like it doesn't have to
• 30:02
  look. It can look that way, but it can
• 30:04
  also look like that. And so the shared stories of
• 30:07
  like going, I would have looked at that person on the TTC and
• 30:10
  written like, maybe that's not now.
• 30:13
  I would. But most people might be like,
• 30:15
  oh, that Gen. Z or like, you know, on their
• 30:17
  phone or whatever. And meanwhile they're like
• 30:20
  texting a doctor while they're recovering from stage 4 cancer,
• 30:23
  right? Or like somebody in their 90s,
• 30:25
  Like our first show that we went to, we went to the New York show
• 30:29
  and the Team 80s, I think at the time told the story while
• 30:34
  playing a ukulele about the orgies that she went to in Paris
• 30:39
  in the like 1930s or 40s. I don't even know.
• 30:42
  Do them the math ain't math. And but sometimes and you would
• 30:45
  like this sweet little lady just strumming away about her orgy,
• 30:50
  right? And it tends to be sometimes the
• 30:52
  most outrageous, which is again, not dissimilar from 12 step.
• 30:56
  Like people with long term recovery are like more likely to
• 30:59
  just like drop some story that you're just like what you did
• 31:03
  what? And so that's what we love about
• 31:06
  it. How about the woman at our show,
• 31:08
  and I don't remember what team she was, but her first
• 31:12
  journalism assignment was John Lennon.
• 31:15
  'S assassination assassination so.
• 31:16
  She was flown to New York and she was there.
• 31:18
  She interviewed Elvis. Yeah, just like things that you
• 31:21
  just, it's just, it's like a we always say it's like a big hug.
• 31:25
  Like when you come to the show, it just feels like, wow, like
• 31:30
  look at us, like look at humanity.
• 31:33
  You can look back right at team 20s and remember being and
• 31:37
  feeling, you know, as they do and look to the future and be
• 31:41
  like, God, I I'll tell this like one story.
• 31:44
  So predominantly my team 70s. Sometimes I do a lot of the
• 31:49
  speaker seeking and engage with them and I'm the only one that
• 31:52
  hears the stories before they go on.
• 31:54
  And so they will sometimes just call me and be like, yeah, I'm,
• 32:00
  I'm not going to be able to do the show.
• 32:03
  Good luck. And I'm like, OK, like, bye,
• 32:08
  bye. And I want to be like, you've
• 32:10
  been on the website. You want to do that.
• 32:12
  And but then there's this part of me that's just like the lack
• 32:16
  of apology that they're just like, yeah, I'm not going to be
• 32:19
  able to do it. The lack of an excuse, right?
• 32:22
  As women, I feel like we're like, Oh my God, I'm not going
• 32:25
  to be able to come, but I'm really sorry.
• 32:26
  Like I got to do this thing. It's like no, like no is a full
• 32:29
  response and saying no, I'm not going to be able to make it.
• 32:32
  I don't care that I'm on your website.
• 32:34
  I don't care that I've done these things.
• 32:35
  She obviously has something else going on.
• 32:38
  Who knows what it is. It's really none of my.
• 32:41
  Business. Yeah.
• 32:42
  And so as much as it's annoying, I also am like, wow, what is
• 32:46
  that like to just be like, Nope, sorry so hard.
• 32:50
  Yeah, like, imagine, imagine I just, like, texted you or sent
• 32:53
  you a message and was like, yeah, we're not going to be able
• 32:55
  to make it. Best of luck.
• 32:57
  Like your reaction. What's your reaction?
• 32:59
  You're going to be like, what the fuck?
• 33:00
  Like why would that person do that?
• 33:02
  My first reaction is she saw one of my videos and got offended
• 33:05
  by. It that's that's my first.
• 33:07
  Reaction. I was, I was I'm in talks with,
• 33:11
  you know, talking about partnership.
• 33:12
  I'm talking to a treatment center right now and they
• 33:14
  haven't answered me and like, I don't know.
• 33:17
  So they hate you and. They don't want to.
• 33:18
  They don't want to do anything with you.
• 33:21
  We're the same. My my.
• 33:23
  First thought is. Like they got a like I crossed
• 33:25
  the line somewhere and and then I'm like, dude, I just shut up.
• 33:29
  Just take a breath. People are busy.
• 33:33
  I don't need a reason and they don't need to give you a reason,
• 33:36
  right? People are allowed to do this.
• 33:38
  Noah's a full sentence. I'm learning that too.
• 33:40
  And, and as of late, yeah, one of the things that happened to
• 33:44
  me when I started this podcast is like, I'm like, I'm learning
• 33:47
  so much, right? And I never thought I'd be
• 33:49
  learning so much about just every, not even just recovery,
• 33:54
  just everything. Like I've had so many amazing
• 33:56
  women in here. You're both of you included,
• 33:59
  that are just blowing me away with some of the like things
• 34:02
  that they say and the power and the shit that they've been
• 34:05
  through. Oh, my God.
• 34:07
  And, and to your point, it's like, if I saw you just walking
• 34:09
  down the street, never would have thought that you were, you
• 34:12
  know, sex trafficked or whatever, right?
• 34:14
  Like just thank you for sharing that.
• 34:16
  Right. And I think the other thing too
• 34:18
  is when people share openly like that specifically with the orgy
• 34:21
  story and, and they're able to laugh about it, it gives women
• 34:24
  space, gives everyone space. But in your specific scenario,
• 34:27
  it gives women space to be like, Oh my God, I can, I can talk
• 34:30
  about what I went through. I didn't even know like I was
• 34:32
  allowed. I didn't know like it's.
• 34:35
  Like when you do that, it gives others and I know from like the
• 34:41
  importance of when someone says like, hey, I did that too, or
• 34:45
  like, Hey, I also was so unreliable.
• 34:48
  I had this great friend I could never show up for.
• 34:51
  I did that too. I stole that too, you know.
• 34:54
  And so that is what happens, right?
• 34:56
  These there are obviously people that come that are part of my
• 34:59
  recovery community, but like these normies get to kind of
• 35:02
  experience what I've been experiencing through shared
• 35:06
  storytelling. And it is so amazing and
• 35:10
  gratifying and just feels like, yeah, I, I don't, I can't
• 35:15
  imagine not doing it. So going all the way back to
• 35:18
  your original question, like continuing to expand, continuing
• 35:22
  to hear from other voices. We are thinking about doing
• 35:26
  another storytelling series that's in the works that will be
• 35:30
  more inclusive. Inclusive in the sense that
• 35:32
  anybody could come and tell a story because we have just seen
• 35:37
  the magic of what we've been doing and how important it is
• 35:41
  for for community and connection and men are.
• 35:44
  More than welcome. Oh, good.
• 35:45
  I was gonna ask you. That yeah, it is not a.
• 35:48
  Women only show. I think it has the name Women in
• 35:50
  the title, but it is absolutely that makes me happy.
• 35:55
  Yes. So we are like to.
• 35:56
  See. You, yes.
• 35:57
  Some of our actually. Our like biggest champions of
• 36:01
  what we're doing are the men. Like there is one of our dear
• 36:04
  friends. He's a DJ here in the city and
• 36:06
  he saw one of our shows and he said it changed his life, 'cause
• 36:09
  we know that, right? We know that someone can say
• 36:11
  something to us and it can absolutely just be that like
• 36:15
  truth bomb, that small nugget that like doesn't seem not the
• 36:18
  like get your life together, but like this little thing and
• 36:21
  you're and it has that impact. My dad comes to almost every
• 36:25
  show and he, my sister and I are are two the two daughters and he
• 36:31
  says that he understands women more than he ever has because of
• 36:36
  the show, because you we hear the stories.
• 36:39
  We hear the like really big and scary stories about what it's
• 36:42
  like to be a woman, which which is true, a lot of the stuff that
• 36:45
  is going on. But to actually just hear us
• 36:47
  talk about like our bodies or like what it feels like to age
• 36:52
  or, you know, dreams that we have and aspirations.
• 36:55
  That's not always out there, right?
• 36:57
  It's everyday people, everyday women and everyday stories.
• 37:03
  I think it'll. Help my marriage too.
• 37:04
  So I'm that's what I'm thinking like I'm excited about that.
• 37:07
  It's it feels like a. Peek behind the curtain, another
• 37:10
  dear friend of mine says. Like, it really feels like a
• 37:15
  window into like, women that you wouldn't necessarily get and
• 37:20
  there's no secrets. We're just offering people a
• 37:23
  chance to actually listen. There's no secrets being told.
• 37:26
  Yeah, no, not at all. It's, it's the storytelling and
• 37:29
  that's when, you know, when I was saying it's not a Ted Talk,
• 37:31
  it's you telling your story for, you know, 7 minutes and that's
• 37:36
  it. Leave it on the like, leave it
• 37:39
  there, bring it and drop it. And a lot of people have said,
• 37:42
  like, it's been really cathartic for them to, like, come and it
• 37:46
  gave them confidence to go on to do other things or, you know,
• 37:51
  they realized it wasn't that scary to do that thing or
• 37:54
  overcoming it was like, empowered them to start doing
• 37:57
  more of it. Like all of that.
• 37:58
  And there's other people who just came and told their story
• 38:00
  and that was it. Or are you all for an organ?
• 38:03
  Yeah. Oh yeah.
• 38:04
  So. This is a this is a crazy story.
• 38:07
  OK, so we had Raheel Raza Raza on the show who's like a bad
• 38:13
  ass. Like look her up Team 70s.
• 38:16
  Formidable. Woman.
• 38:17
  Yes, and. She was talking about being on
• 38:20
  dialysis and needing a kidney. And this is this kind of goes
• 38:25
  back to the story about like, I remember the story and she was
• 38:28
  like, cool, but it wasn't like it didn't have any impact.
• 38:32
  What happened for you? I thought she needs to live.
• 38:35
  Longer, I'll give her my kidney. I met her, I just.
• 38:40
  Met her, she needs to live longer.
• 38:42
  She does. She does incredible work and she
• 38:45
  is so impressive and so I asked if she if she wanted my kidney.
• 38:50
  We aren't a blood match but at that point mentally I'd given my
• 38:54
  kidney away. So I started calling people and
• 38:56
  asking if anyone needs a kidney, no joke.
• 39:00
  And I ended up meeting you're a Facebook.
• 39:05
  Person. Someone said, hey, I know
• 39:06
  someone who needs a kidney. And I wrote to him and said,
• 39:09
  hey, how's it going? What's your blood type?
• 39:11
  And his name is Felix. And he is in recovery as well.
• 39:15
  19 years, I think so. Yep.
• 39:17
  And he's a social worker. He became.
• 39:19
  Yeah, I know him. You.
• 39:19
  Know him. Yeah, I know, I know.
• 39:21
  Him. OK, well.
• 39:22
  He's. He's the recipient of my kidney.
• 39:25
  Yeah, isn't that. Crazy I.
• 39:26
  Didn't, I didn't know, like you know this stuff, right?
• 39:29
  Like I'm so woo woo. I'm like, what are the chances
• 39:32
  'cause I didn't actually even know him, but I'm not sure.
• 39:35
  So he's a friend. Now everyone's like, do you know
• 39:37
  him? I'm like, now I do.
• 39:38
  Now he's a great friend. So yeah, he's a he's a good
• 39:41
  dude. Yeah.
• 39:42
  So. He he needs.
• 39:43
  A kidney and now he's got 1, so there's so much.
• 39:46
  Going through my mind right now, I just like, but that's the real
• 39:48
  rude impact. Of this show like I wouldn't
• 39:50
  have met the impact of the storytelling and.
• 39:52
  The the certain thing that can move you, right.
• 39:55
  And even when that happened, Kirsten wasn't or didn't quite
• 39:58
  remember. My dad received an organ.
• 40:00
  He was an organ recipient 22 or 23 years ago.
• 40:06
  So there's just like all of this stuff that's just like how?
• 40:09
  And it all came. From someone coming and telling
• 40:12
  their story and not saying, hey, give me your kidney, just coming
• 40:15
  and telling a story that has an impact like you never know what
• 40:18
  you're saying and the impact it might have on someone.
• 40:22
  And so that's why we feel it's such a like beautiful.
• 40:25
  I mean, I mean the the. Moment where the universe God
• 40:29
  higher power, whatever you want to call it put a thought into
• 40:32
  your mind to start thinking like obviously your kidney was not
• 40:35
  meant to go to that woman, but it was meant like it's just
• 40:39
  yeah, it's supposed and like you're like yeah, I'm not
• 40:41
  satisfied with with no for an answer to my tidney yeah, she'd.
• 40:46
  Already given it away, she was just like, well, I might as well
• 40:48
  do this. And then just like calling out
• 40:51
  people being like, hey, do you know anyone who needs a kidney?
• 40:53
  But again, storytelling, right? It's just like getting out of
• 40:57
  our own way, telling our truth. I was gonna do this thing and
• 41:01
  now I'm doing this thing and you.
• 41:02
  And the trajectory is never, it sometimes is what it looks like
• 41:06
  it's gonna be, but other times it's so unpredictable, right?
• 41:09
  It's not necessarily that she gave it to her and they have
• 41:14
  this great story. Instead, it's something entirely
• 41:16
  different that somehow comes back around to me, 'cause she
• 41:19
  was like, oh, my best friend's in recovery.
• 41:22
  Oh, 'cause he had a website. And he's wrote his story.
• 41:25
  Here's who I am. I was in journalism and I
• 41:29
  needed. To.
• 41:30
  Be in recovery. And I remember messaging him and
• 41:34
  saying like, I get it. And so it is just serendipitous.
• 41:37
  Yeah, that's. Incredible.
• 41:39
  Oh. My God, is it odd or is it God?
• 41:41
  As I like to say, how can you not?
• 41:44
  It's just life is so much easier and I believe in a directing
• 41:47
  force, guiding force, whatever you want to call it in magic.
• 41:50
  I call it magic. Yeah.
• 41:51
  I mean, it's so much. More fun let's.
• 41:53
  Believe in magic because then, then the possibilities.
• 41:55
  Are endless, right? Who knows?
• 42:00
  You mentioned that you you know. You reached out for help to her
• 42:03
  13 years ago, if you had to. If there's somebody listening
• 42:08
  right now that maybe is in that position where they don't know
• 42:10
  what what that looks like, what do you say to that person?
• 42:14
  How did you ask for help? Oh gosh, I.
• 42:24
  I you know that's a. That is a tricky question 'cause
• 42:27
  I'm not sure. I think I was desperate, right?
• 42:30
  I was like I need help big time I.
• 42:36
  Think you have no. Idea like we were just talking
• 42:40
  about what that outcome is. Don't listen to that first
• 42:43
  thought that's telling you oh, that there it's too much.
• 42:46
  They're not going to help me. They're going to tell other
• 42:48
  people, you know, it could happen, but you're going to be
• 42:51
  OK. It's way better than handling it
• 42:53
  on your own. Like I think it's impossible.
• 42:58
  Personal opinion, I think it's. Impossible to attack any mental
• 43:03
  health on your own, whatever that looks like, whether it's
• 43:06
  outside help from like when I think about my journey, I have a
• 43:10
  psychiatrist, I have a therapist, I take my medication
• 43:13
  as prescribed. I've gone to a a I've been a
• 43:15
  part of she recovers like I've I've read all of the books about
• 43:21
  different modalities to recovery and those have become my tools.
• 43:25
  Speaking my truth became my, my tool, like being able to say
• 43:29
  that. And if you're asking somebody,
• 43:32
  you just have no idea that that they might need help at some
• 43:36
  point, right? Like or that they know somebody
• 43:38
  like the interconnectivity of speaking your truth, saying your
• 43:42
  truth, even if your truth is messy and confusing.
• 43:45
  I think I even remember saying like, I don't know if this is
• 43:48
  going to stick and it didn't. I relapsed after that and but it
• 43:55
  was worth it. And then I think, you know, the
• 43:59
  fear around asking someone who you might know is in recovery.
• 44:02
  I think that's there a lot, right?
• 44:03
  Like I'm not going to call my sponsor.
• 44:04
  I'm not going to like tell people in the rooms what's
• 44:07
  actually going on or I'm not going to tell my therapist
• 44:09
  what's going on is problematic. Right?
• 44:13
  If because for me to be able to take that shitstorm like that
• 44:19
  horrible burning down of life and like be able to spin it into
• 44:23
  someone else's gold to be like, hey, me too, like I did that
• 44:27
  too, or I let me help you. Let me show you someplace.
• 44:29
  Let me tell you how I did it. Let me is the greatest gift to
• 44:33
  take literally a burning dumpster fire of a life and kind
• 44:38
  of take it and respin it and repurpose it into somebody
• 44:42
  else's. Like not feeling alone is just
• 44:47
  that's been the greatest thing And Gen. women has done that for
• 44:50
  that that for other people, they feel that way.
• 44:53
  But women come up after we encouraged them to like they
• 44:56
  reconnect. They end up doing their own
• 44:58
  things. Like someone will tell me like,
• 44:59
  yeah, like we hosted A facilitated a recovery thing
• 45:03
  together or we did this other thing together.
• 45:06
  It's not even through me anymore.
• 45:07
  I'm just like a conduit. We are a conduit to community
• 45:11
  and right now real stories in a world that has a lot of fake or
• 45:16
  a lot of performative, a lot of gloss to it.
• 45:19
  I think people are craving it. What's?
• 45:22
  Really funny. Is you got tripped up when he
• 45:24
  talked about you asking for help and I'm going to identify that
• 45:28
  Jen doesn't ask for help. That's what happens there 'cause
• 45:32
  that's why I don't realize you were like, I don't know.
• 45:35
  I don't ask for help. You don't.
• 45:36
  She does not ask for help. That's true.
• 45:38
  So I think it's the speaking your truth part which almost had
• 45:44
  a few of us realize that that was your way of asking for help
• 45:49
  or acknowledging. But you did like the reading.
• 45:52
  All the things you've supported yourself with, those are all the
• 45:54
  tools, but you tried to do it all yourself by doing all those
• 45:57
  things you didn't technically ask for help.
• 45:59
  True, That's true. And so we now know.
• 46:02
  Sometimes when you need help, you still want to ask for help,
• 46:04
  but you want to take care of everybody.
• 46:06
  I'm like that. I'll deal.
• 46:07
  Deal with it and then I'll tell you about it after, Yeah.
• 46:09
  Or, you know, one thing that I tend to do is like, I will
• 46:13
  intellectually I'm like, but, but, but here's all the things.
• 46:16
  But emotionally, I'm not telling you how I was feeling.
• 46:19
  I'm telling you, yeah, I'm a drug addict.
• 46:20
  Yeah, these things happened. Yeah, I did this.
• 46:22
  But then when you get into like the feelings part of it, it's
• 46:25
  it's definitely, it trips me up. And you're right.
• 46:27
  Asking for help is like very challenging for me.
• 46:32
  So what's coming to mind is like the 1000 LB phone, like it's so
• 46:37
  hard to like really do that and especially as someone who is
• 46:41
  self-sufficient, right, who who does for the most part like
• 46:44
  handle things right. But it's like, how do I do that?
• 46:47
  How do I let people in? And that's the beautiful thing
• 46:52
  too is it's like a work in progress.
• 46:54
  Like I'm not, I don't have the answer.
• 46:55
  I don't know. You tell me.
• 46:56
  How do you ask for help? I I mean.
• 46:59
  So there's a lot there. You you said that in a nice way,
• 47:02
  though, to the point where it brought out that her response.
• 47:06
  And so my first thought and I will answer your question.
• 47:09
  I'm not, I'm not dodging the question asking.
• 47:13
  For help. It made me think asking for help
• 47:15
  doesn't have to be hey I need help.
• 47:19
  Something signified you that she needed help and there was a seed
• 47:24
  planted along the way and that made it easier down down the
• 47:28
  road for you to know that there was people in your life that
• 47:30
  love you and will support you no matter what sometimes.
• 47:34
  Just showing up is the help too, right?
• 47:35
  And we talked about that before. Just like.
• 47:37
  Being there and like, sitting and and not telling her what to
• 47:41
  do, not fixing it. Not everything's gonna be OK.
• 47:45
  You know, like just presence, the energy of two people sitting
• 47:49
  together is. Just as good sometimes I.
• 47:53
  Struggle with that so much. I want to fix you now.
• 47:57
  This is this. Is what you need to ask people.
• 47:59
  When they complain or vent or whatever, do you need me to
• 48:03
  listen or give advice, right? Do you want to hug or do you
• 48:06
  want to fit you? Like you want to dig in?
• 48:08
  And I mean, we've even asked that of each other at times.
• 48:11
  Like do you want to just eat ice cream or like, are we cutting
• 48:14
  off ponytails? Like what are we doing?
• 48:18
  Yeah, I think, yeah, open communication, opening yourself
• 48:24
  up, though. That's just it cuz as soon as
• 48:25
  you were opening yourself up, that's when we.
• 48:28
  Were. Able.
• 48:30
  To offer. Support, cuz we recognized that
• 48:33
  there was a need for it. So I think it's opening yourself
• 48:36
  up and that vulnerability of saying, oh, if people love me
• 48:41
  unconditionally, it's so much about that, right?
• 48:44
  And when you open it up, then we can all come in and offer that.
• 48:50
  I'll give you an example of how I.
• 48:51
  Just thought of this now because I do not ask for help.
• 48:55
  Well, at all I do not. And it's not that I maybe it is.
• 48:59
  I mean, it's eagle at the end of the day no matter what, but it's
• 49:01
  not so much that I think. No, I, I.
• 49:06
  It is. It's I think that you will think
• 49:09
  less of me. Yeah, but so I'm thinking of a
• 49:13
  specific story where so I struggle with body dysmorphia.
• 49:17
  I've opened up about that. And to our earlier points, the
• 49:20
  more I've opened up about that, you would not believe I've had
• 49:23
  10 times the amount of guys come to me then looking for sober
• 49:27
  help, that guys that are already in recovery saying what you,
• 49:30
  you're so fit. That's me too.
• 49:32
  Like I struggle with it too. And so that's been a blessing in
• 49:34
  disguise. That's been hard to open up
• 49:36
  about because again, my brain is like, you're in good shape.
• 49:38
  They're going to think you're a liar or you know what I mean?
• 49:40
  Like all this bullshit in my head.
• 49:43
  I was standing in the kitchen with my wife 2-3 maybe a month
• 49:47
  ago, about to go to a retreat, a sober retreat with the rehab
• 49:50
  that I work at. And.
• 49:54
  She had. We were getting into, we got
• 49:56
  into an argument and I'm gonna try to share my story and not
• 50:00
  hers because I can often do that.
• 50:03
  But she was just, she's bringing up times in my addiction 'cause
• 50:07
  she saw me at 8 years and then she saw me in my relapse.
• 50:10
  So she's seen Jekyll and Hyde through and through.
• 50:13
  She knows me at my core now, which is a blessing and a curse
• 50:16
  at the same time, right? So we were just we were in a bit
• 50:19
  of an argument and she was just like reminding me, you know,
• 50:22
  when people like and you're and you're telling you thing and
• 50:25
  you're like, Oh my God, forgot. I just forgot.
• 50:28
  I did that, I forgot, I did that, I forgot.
• 50:30
  And I'm just like taking it. And I'm, I'm literally praying
• 50:32
  in my head because I'm like, I again, I want to make excuses.
• 50:36
  I want to say it this and that, and I'm just like, God help me,
• 50:39
  just take this right now, because she needs to give it to
• 50:41
  me, right? She needs to give it to me and
• 50:44
  so I needed help in that moment for the I'm going to relate it
• 50:47
  back to the bodies morphia thing now.
• 50:50
  I went into my fridge so. We the fight ended and I don't
• 50:54
  know why this happened. I call it act of Providence,
• 50:56
  whatever. I went into my fridge and I had
• 50:59
  been buying Ozempic online, OK to, to deal with and I'm doing
• 51:02
  this in sobriety not long ago and I'm hitting myself with it.
• 51:05
  Maybe whatever every week. That's how I relapsed the first
• 51:10
  time is I started with things and not telling people right.
• 51:12
  So we get into this fight. She ends it whenever we're,
• 51:15
  we're kind of on our own, taking our own things, processing it.
• 51:18
  I go into my fridge, take it out and I go in the bathroom right
• 51:21
  in front of her. Like usually I'm more secretive
• 51:24
  or whatever. And she I walk out and she goes,
• 51:27
  the fuck are you doing? Like when she thought I was
• 51:28
  doing steroids again, 'cause that was another part of my
• 51:30
  story and I had a moment where I was like.
• 51:34
  I could lie about this and get away.
• 51:35
  With it, maybe. Or I could tell the truth and
• 51:37
  I'm up to it. And I paused, which is a miracle
• 51:41
  in of itself. And I told her the truth.
• 51:44
  I said this is Olympic. I've been doing it for a while.
• 51:45
  I'm struggling with this and. She didn't yell at me.
• 51:49
  She didn't. Judge me.
• 51:50
  She didn't. She just accepted me in the
• 51:52
  moment and I was able to throw it out in the garbage and then
• 51:56
  go on to this retreat and share my story with a bunch of people
• 52:00
  that I didn't really know. But I opened up about it and and
• 52:03
  people came up to me and said thank you for that.
• 52:05
  Thank you for that. You know, you really helped me,
• 52:08
  I think. That was a pivotal.
• 52:09
  Moment in my recovery again because like I said to you
• 52:12
  secrets were my downfall time and time again.
• 52:16
  I think that's with all mental health is secrets, right?
• 52:18
  But especially in addiction, it starts with a little spark in
• 52:22
  the back and then you're throwing gasoline on it every
• 52:24
  day. I think like without a doubt in
• 52:27
  my mind that if I had not had that experience, if I had not
• 52:30
  thrown it out, if I had not told on myself caught myself,
• 52:33
  whatever you want to call it, I think I would have eventually
• 52:35
  relapsed, right. So it's like that's how I ask
• 52:38
  for help to answer your question a long winded way.
• 52:40
  Yeah, yeah. I need to get caught.
• 52:43
  Yeah, I really, I need to get caught.
• 52:45
  I need to tell myself by getting caught because it's so hard for
• 52:48
  me to say, hey, I'm struggling with this.
• 52:49
  I don't know what to do. That's a great level of
• 52:51
  self-awareness. Though, Yeah, and I think.
• 52:54
  It's helpful when we have people that see us, right, that that
• 52:59
  that can say like you don't ask for help.
• 53:01
  So I know that I need to come in there, right?
• 53:04
  And to be able to be accepting of that, right?
• 53:07
  And to meet people where they are is a beautiful thing, right?
• 53:11
  And I think that's what your wife did in that moment.
• 53:13
  And then to go and share it, the retreat, like it's just, there's
• 53:17
  so much in just telling your truth.
• 53:20
  Tell your truth, whatever it is. It doesn't need to be rude.
• 53:24
  It doesn't need to be like yelled, you know, at the tree,
• 53:26
  like scream. Yeah, like it's it can be like,
• 53:30
  I'm not OK, right. It could be, I might need help.
• 53:33
  It could be I just need you to sit with me.
• 53:36
  Like, whatever that truth is in that moment, I think is the
• 53:39
  power. And that's what happens at our
• 53:41
  event is like in that moment. And I will tell the
• 53:45
  storytellers, if your, if your story changes after you've told
• 53:48
  me what you think you're gonna say, great.
• 53:50
  That's fine. I'm not gonna be like, oh, that
• 53:52
  wasn't what you told me. No, I'm like.
• 53:56
  That that's that could happen, right.
• 53:58
  It's the same way, you know, you just like get up there, tell
• 54:02
  your truth as it relates to the topic, the theme even that
• 54:05
  sometime is a bit, you know, people have done like spoken
• 54:09
  word. Another person, you know, didn't
• 54:13
  honor themselves in doing something in theater school and
• 54:16
  they performed their soliloquy that they never did because they
• 54:19
  were so like they just didn't prioritize themselves.
• 54:23
  And so they stepped to the side and performed it.
• 54:26
  People were bawling, right? And then there's other people
• 54:29
  who tell like crazy stories, you know, about their sex life in
• 54:33
  Team 70s. At our last show had these nudes
• 54:37
  that she'd posed for in Inner 20s and they were from.
• 54:44
  She shared them all. She.
• 54:45
  Put them on the. Stage.
• 54:46
  She brought them, she brought them.
• 54:47
  She told the whole story. And then she laid them out, and
• 54:50
  there they were, her news in her 20s.
• 54:53
  Oh my God. And we?
• 54:55
  Loved it like. People eat it up right?
• 54:56
  When someone tells the truth, it's like what you said, it
• 54:59
  gives others, you know, I hate, kind of don't love the word
• 55:02
  permission, but it it tells someone else like, hey, that's
• 55:05
  OK. And we want the show to feel
• 55:07
  like that. I don't want you to look at it
• 55:09
  like a Ted Talk and be like, I could never do that.
• 55:12
  Like I'm not. That's not.
• 55:13
  I want you to be like, I got a story.
• 55:16
  I want to do that. Yeah.
• 55:17
  I got a story. I could do that.
• 55:19
  Come on up. Right.
• 55:20
  You know, we talk about them not being professional storytellers
• 55:23
  and they are, they're everyday women.
• 55:25
  Some of them are like, that is, you know, they do tell stories
• 55:28
  or they're a writer. They're in the public eye.
• 55:30
  But it could just be like someone like just you see it,
• 55:34
  you feel moved. Let's go.
• 55:36
  Come on up. Tell your story.
• 55:37
  Wow. And two, I mean, there's so much
• 55:40
  magic that probably happens in that.
• 55:42
  I love it. I'm excited to come.
• 55:44
  I'm I'm more excited that I'm allowed and invited because that
• 55:49
  was my first thought when we first started.
• 55:50
  I was like, man, I'm never gonna be able to go.
• 55:52
  No come like. We encourage everybody, all
• 55:55
  ages, like everybody to come like it really is a beautiful
• 56:00
  evening. I know you will love it.
• 56:02
  I mean, there's nothing better. Than raw, authentic honesty,
• 56:06
  open mind, like especially coming out of, you know, in I'm
• 56:11
  pretending that this isn't the real world, but the real world
• 56:14
  with social media. And you know, that's my new
• 56:17
  addiction nowadays. And it's just like, is this
• 56:19
  real? I don't really know.
• 56:21
  You know, are you crying? You're crying, you look like
• 56:22
  you're acting. I don't know.
• 56:24
  Right? Yeah.
• 56:25
  I was watching a video the other day and the girl was crying and,
• 56:28
  and it looked like a legitimate thing.
• 56:29
  And then someone was like, this is a satire account.
• 56:31
  And I was like, what the fuck? Like, Oh my God, you know?
• 56:34
  And I looked at her videos. And it was.
• 56:35
  And I was like, man, you don't know what anyways.
• 56:38
  Well, we intentionally don't. Air our shows online.
• 56:42
  It's the moment. Yeah, it's the moment.
• 56:44
  And also, people are sharing very personal stories, and
• 56:48
  they're choosing to share it with a room full of people and
• 56:50
  not the Internet. So we intentionally make it
• 56:52
  about that night, 11 time only Night Circus.
• 56:55
  Yep. Yeah.
• 56:56
  So when's the next show? We have 3.
• 56:59
  Upcoming So first up we have our Truth and Reconciliation, all
• 57:03
  Indigenous, that's on Wednesday, September 24th.
• 57:06
  Then we have our Calgary show which is in October 2nd at the
• 57:14
  Commons Hemingway Room. Hemingway Room.
• 57:18
  And then our three-year anniversary October show is on
• 57:22
  October 23, October 23rd, Thursday, October. 23rd.
• 57:27
  It's at the lounge at. Live Nation, which is in Liberty
• 57:29
  Village. And we do.
• 57:31
  Actually have a show coming up in November in Hamilton.
• 57:34
  Yeah. So we're really starting to,
• 57:36
  like, pick up speed and try to bring more and more of these to
• 57:40
  life. Love it.
• 57:41
  And where can we find you? Generationwomen.
• 57:44
  Dot CA and there are links to tickets there as well.
• 57:47
  Yep, and you have Instagram as well.
• 57:48
  Yep, we do, which is. Generation.
• 57:51
  Women, I'll link it in there. Yeah, I'll link it.
• 57:53
  Yeah, I'll link. Everything.
• 57:54
  Yeah. Thank you.
• 57:54
  And our tickets are? On Eventbrite.
• 57:56
  Too perfect. Amazing.
• 57:58
  Thanks so much for coming. Down.
• 57:59
  It was a pleasure to meet you and to see you again.
• 58:02
  Yep, I I hope our paths will cross again and I'm sure they
• 58:06
  will. I'm excited to to go in and
• 58:08
  you're coming to the. Show.
• 58:10
  Yeah, you'll see me. You're getting a.
• 58:12
  Phone call, yeah. You're coming?
• 58:13
  Yeah. No.
• 58:14
  Amazing. Thanks so much.
• 58:15
  Thank you. Thank you.
• 58:17
  Thanks. For listening.
• 58:18
  Please help us grow the channel and like, share and subscribe
• 58:21
  for more content. The discussions and stories
• 58:24
  shared on this podcast are for informational and motivational
• 58:27
  purposes only. This content is not a substitute
• 58:30
  for professional medical advice, addiction treatment, or therapy.
• 58:34
  If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction,
• 58:36
  please consult A licensed physician, addiction specialist,
• 58:40
  or mental health professional. You are no longer alone.