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EP 27 Struggle with Comparing Ourselves · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:05
  After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to today's podcast of iRefresh Women. Today we have Dina Spires, Hannah Waters, and myself, Christy Waters. Christy Waters.
• 0:24
  Today we're going to be discussing something that everyone deals with, and that's comparison. I know as one of the, well, I'll say the oldest person in the room, we'll leave that there. I've had lots of years to compare myself with others, and sometimes it works out well, and sometimes it doesn't. Well, no, let's be honest, it never works out well, does it? So I want to open up with a verse from the Word of God, and it's Galatians 6, 4.
• 0:54
  And it says, pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will not get the satisfaction of a job well done and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else.
• 1:05
  I find that if I'm going about my business and taking care of my business, then I'm more successful with what I'm doing, whether it's at work as a mom, as a wife, as a friend. But, you know, with social media today, it's hard not to compare myself when I see this person going on vacation and this person whose marriage appears perfect, and maybe I just had a...
• 1:35
  discussion with my husband or maybe I see their kids that just got the best job in the whole wide world and and they're going to law school and they are full paid full scholarship or whatever I can get into comparison particularly when I'm on social media and I think that in the world we live in that is a constant struggle for a lot of people so Dina tell me as a mom
• 2:05
  As a person. As a person. As a woman. I mean. It's hard. I think society puts standards on us too. To look a certain way. Live a certain way. And that's not who we as Christians should set as our standard or our mark. I know that my daughter. Actually not just my daughter. But all of her friends. Especially at the young age. They don't know who they are. And if they aren't centered in Christ.
• 2:33
  they're not going to know where their value comes from. So they're looking to other people. And I know that, especially middle school, there's so much bullying and all of that, that you're ostracized. So you start looking at what you think is bad about yourself, you know, but like you said, on social media, I think all of us, it's hard, but we have to remember that it's not always what it appears. You know, it's a highlight reel and,
• 2:57
  you know, two seconds before that picture, they could have been clamoring at each other and screaming and yelling. And then they have a one second smile. And that's what we see. So to be very careful not to make that, um, like they say, perception is reality. So our perception from what we see is that, Oh, they have everything perfect. They're not even struggling like I am, but you know what? We're all broken and we all struggle. Um, and I think it's very important in today's society to not be so focused on social media.
• 3:23
  So, Dean, I'm going to take that a step further because you are a very accomplished professional photographer. And you take how many pictures to get one perfect picture? Well...
• 3:40
  Of myself? Well, on a normal situation. You know, okay, I'm different than most photographers. Because most of the- You do like the casual or natural and candidness. And let me tell you, I have clients, I've had size zero model clients who are perfect by society standards ask me to Photoshop them smaller. Oh my. Or their nose isn't right.
• 4:06
  We all see our own faults, other people. And this is what I tell my clients. And I have to remind myself this too. They always say, I don't like having my picture taken. You know, I can make me skinnier. Can you make me younger? And when, when I take a picture of you, I'm going to capture the essence of who you are and everybody who sees it is going to say, oh my gosh, you caught in captured Christy perfectly. That's her. And they love you for who you are. And we don't notice whatever it is you don't like about yourself. Cause we all have something.
• 4:34
  When you see a picture, your eyes go directly to that thing that you don't like about yourself. Very true. But when everybody else who knows you and loves you looks at it, they see the spirit. They see, oh my gosh, I love that smile about her or the personality that it shows. So for me, I don't do perfect portraits. Very rarely do I. I do for headshots or things like that. But most of the pictures, when I show my clients my photos, the ones they like are those candidates where I've captured who they are. You know? And...
• 5:04
  And so I think it's a constant reminding of people that who we look like and what we look like is not who we are. And we may want to be perfect, but God made us perfectly. You know, he beautifully and wonderfully made in every way. And who are we to say God did it imperfectly? That's awesome. Anna, what do you think, Beth? That as a 20-year-old young woman, prime of life.
• 5:31
  in college, is there comparison at a Christian university that you attend? Oh, sure. I think that even, sure, the basic things are, oh, you see someone's body and you want to look like that. But even from a Christian perspective, someone might post their devos and
• 5:51
  you go, Oh my goodness, I forgot to, to read my Bible today, or, Oh, they're so on point. They post their Jesus calling every single morning at the same time. And I don't do that. And so I think it can even cause that kind of comparison just in your walk with Christ. And it's important to remember your walk with Christ is your own. It's unique. It's not supposed to look like everyone else's. And so just because someone seems like they have a perfect walk with Christ, that's not the case. And so anything that,
• 6:18
  we see on social media, you have to take with a grain of salt, whether it's Christian or not. That's a good point. And it's true. I feel convicted a lot because like my whole feed is God's stuff and, and, and devotionals or inspirational things. I'm like, Oh, I should probably be better. But you know, we are who God made us. And yes, we all need to be better. I think every day looking for ways to improve ourselves. So, but that's because,
• 6:44
  God wants us to do that, not because we feel pressured by society or friends. Like we all have our own path. We have to stay in our lane kind of thing. But I remember reading John Devere's book, Good or God. And that is such a good thing to think about because a lot of us, especially in the church, are doing good things. And you can do so many good things.
• 7:05
  But is it what God wants you to do? Are you in the lane he placed you in? We're the ones that stand before him one day. And he says, did you do what I asked you to do? Well, Hannah was fasting. So I decided I needed to fast too. And Dina was going on a missions trip that I felt like, well, I had to go on it. I mean, if God didn't call me to the same seasons, then I have no business doing them because it gets me off track. So comparison isn't just...
• 7:34
  the worldly things like what I started it out with, it is the spiritual things. And like Hannah said, the divas and my doing everything that everybody else is. So what else do you have to add, Ms. Hannah? I really think a lot of times it's easy to compare yourself to people when you don't know who you are and you don't know how you operate. So I think that what has helped me is figuring out, oh, I'm different from these people, but that's not a bad thing. This is just
• 8:03
  I can rest in that knowing that I do like time away from people. And that doesn't mean I hate people or, you know, I'm not a people person. It just means that I need that for who God made me to be. And I think that there's a lot of peace that comes with that. When you finally realize there's no shame in being and figuring out who God made me to be. And as her mom, I can tell you that when she was little,
• 8:26
  we would push her and try to say, oh, go talk to so-and-so, go talk to so-and-so. And she was so uncomfortable. And it was just not something she was at ease with. But then if you gave her a microphone to sing, she could sing before thousands of people. She's sung at church before 5,000 people. And it's just one of those things God created her to do that. But when I would be like, oh, you should go introduce yourself.
• 8:57
  okay, she was created this way and she does need that. And I think as a mom, that's one of our biggest struggles because we want them to be what we are. That's what all things are. What our opinion is the best. And the easiest way to disappointment is failing expectations. Whether you put those expectations on someone else and they fail you. Us trying to live up to expectations other people put on us. You know, we can only be who God created us to be and do what he's called us to do.
• 9:27
  but it's so easy. I know I put expectations on my kids. And as a parent, you have to, to some degree, but you also have to allow people the room. I mean, there's all these personality tests. We all operate differently and we have to allow people to the room and the grace to move and live within the being that God created them to be. Right. And that would,
• 9:49
  to not be disappointed if they don't do it the way we expect them to. And as a parent, you know, I have a son who's older than Hannah, and they are very, very different. And I can remember my father saying, Christy, you could have two more, ten more. They're all going to be different. Every one of them will be different, and none of them will be the same. But it reminds me of the scripture in Psalm 139, verse 14,
• 10:15
  I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works. And that my soul knows very well. The psalmist, David, is saying he's having to remind himself that he is fearfully and wonderfully made. And then he says, marvelous are your works. Well, he just said, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. So guess who's marvelous?
• 10:40
  Marvelous are your works. He's saying, you made me marvelous. And that my soul knows very well. And I need to remind my soul sometimes. You know, I may not look like what I want to look. I may not be where I want to be in areas of my life. I'm in process and will be in process. It also says, he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.
• 11:06
  And I need to remind myself and find that peace in my soul, knowing that he created me and he knew what he was doing. And I am fearfully, wonderfully made and marvelous is the work that he made in me. So as we give each other or give ourselves grace, then it helps us also give others grace, whether it's our spouses or our children or people we work with.
• 11:35
  And I think that that's so powerful. I saw something the other day on social media. I don't know, Hannah, if we were talking about it, but it was someone posted, you'll never look into anybody's eyes who God does not love. That's true. If everyone...
• 11:53
  is created in God's image, then we need to step off the seat of judge, not just comparison towards ourselves, but comparison against other people. Well, I would never allow my child to do that. I would never. There's sarcasm in my voice if you can't hear that on the podcast. I would never do this or I would never do that. And you find yourself going through battles where you're going, wait, how did I get here?
• 12:24
  I never thought this would happen. We have prayed over our children. We have stood on the word of God. I can't believe that we're having this situation arise. And yet God's grace is sufficient. So if his grace is sufficient for me...
• 12:40
  then I need to extend that grace to other people. And I think that that's one thing that having children will do for you very quickly is you will discover that you are not perfect, that you do not have it all figured out. And it is a very humbling experience to be a mom. So I was going to say as a parent, what being a parent has taught me more than anything is how much God loves me. Yeah. You know, you until you're a parent, you cannot,
• 13:07
  fully recognize the depth of God's love for you. And to stay away from comparison, it's turning your eyes off of outside things and turning them back to God. To fix it, it's really about perspective. Just read the word and be with him, and then you're not focusing on the other people. Turn off social media for a little bit. You know, the Bible also tells us that his mercies are new every morning and great is his faithfulness. So when we do miss it,
• 13:36
  Isn't it wonderful that we can come back to him, ask for that grace and mercy, that forgiveness, because he is always willing, even when our spouse isn't ready to forgive us, our kids aren't ready to forgive us. We're not ready to forgive ourselves. He's always waiting there for that. So I hope you've been encouraged by this podcast today. But before we leave, let's talk about how you can find some more encouragements.
• 14:01
  So as women, or anyone actually, we are working to not compare ourselves to others. And so what do you do? How do you change that behavior in your life, Hannah? I go to the Word and I ask God to remind me of who I am in Him. That's awesome. So Dina, what about you? I tend to not go into social media so much.
• 14:31
  And also just remember, I mean, I remind myself that God made me the way he wants me. And I'm not perfect in my eyes, but I'm perfect in his. It's constant reminding myself. That's really good. I think that the older I get, the easier it is because you start to get that feeling
• 14:50
  Well, you know, it doesn't really matter what people think about me because I'm established and this is how things are going and that kind of thing. So I also think just with age that it gets a little easier not to compare yourself. I still have my moments, but God's grace is upon us. So we hope that you've been encouraged today that you are enough in Christ and that you do not have to compare yourself to anyone else because he made you fearfully and wonderfully made you.
• 15:21
  So have a blessed day.