Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Are narcissists the same in every relationship?

Transcript

Are narcissists the same in every relationship? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, Beautiful people.
• 0:02
  Today we're talking about our narcissist, the same in every
• 0:06
  single relationship. Or they all Are they different?
• 0:09
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:11
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:12
  And welcome to another episode of the narcissist Code.
• 0:32
  So welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, folks.
• 0:35
  Yes, yes, yes. Are narcissists the same in
• 0:38
  every single relationship or do they change for the new person?
• 0:42
  Are they really? Are they really different for
• 0:45
  the new supply? Or is the narcissist that
• 0:47
  treated me so badly? Are they really debt different
• 0:50
  for the new person? So to answer your question
• 0:53
  y'all, the easiest answer is they're like no narcissistic
• 0:56
  person is going to be the exact same in every single
• 1:00
  relationship because everybody doesn't like the same, the same,
• 1:05
  the same things, the same tactics and things that you like
• 1:10
  the next person might not like. Narcissistic people tend to be
• 1:15
  very like chameleon, like like malleable.
• 1:18
  They can change their personalities to fit who they
• 1:21
  are with. They can change their
• 1:23
  personality characteristics or their mindsets to fit whoever
• 1:26
  they are with, you know? So if I'm with you and you like
• 1:30
  a certain type of thing, the next person might not enjoy the
• 1:34
  same type of behaviors. The next person might not enjoy
• 1:37
  the same type of treatment or the same type of events.
• 1:41
  And I can't, like I can't love bomb the next person the same
• 1:46
  way that I love bomb you. I can't get the like the same
• 1:50
  stuff might not work. So no two narcissists are going
• 1:54
  to be no, no, no narcissist is going to be the exact same in
• 1:57
  their next relationship. And I know what people are going
• 1:59
  to say already. I'm I'm I'm 2 steps ahead of you
• 2:02
  right now. Just because you change in your
• 2:05
  next relationship does not make you a narcissist.
• 2:08
  Y'all Let me go ahead and say that because I know people would
• 2:10
  just hear that. Just like, well, Lee, I changed
• 2:12
  in my next relationship. Am IA narcissist?
• 2:15
  Are you manipulating people? Are you being bad to people?
• 2:18
  Are you? Do you are you storing up your
• 2:20
  childhood trauma and taking it out?
• 2:21
  Taking it out on your partner? You might be narcissistic if you
• 2:23
  are doing that type of stuff. Y'all.
• 2:25
  Do you have a lack of empathy? Like, go through the I have a
• 2:27
  video about the 9 traits of Narcissistic Personality
• 2:30
  Disorder. So if you wonder if you're a
• 2:32
  narcissist, go check the video out and see if any of it.
• 2:34
  See if five of the 9 traits vibe with you.
• 2:37
  At least five of the nine, you know, But that's the space that
• 2:41
  a lot of people fall into. Like you watch the next, You
• 2:45
  watch the narcissist in the next relationship, right?
• 2:47
  You're watching them treat somebody else better.
• 2:49
  You're watching them start going to the gym when they told you
• 2:53
  they hated the gym. You're watching them taking yoga
• 2:55
  classes. You're watching them learning to
• 2:57
  cook. You're watching them go to you
• 3:00
  watching them travel and do other things.
• 3:03
  Yeah, they will fit them. They will shape themselves into
• 3:06
  whoever they feel like they need to be to get the next person to
• 3:10
  fall for them. Like a lot of like, narcissists,
• 3:13
  mirror people, they might have mirrored you.
• 3:16
  They might have started behaving like you.
• 3:17
  They might have started acting like you when y'all were
• 3:19
  together. Like the interest that you had
• 3:24
  when you first met the first met, the narcissist or toxic
• 3:28
  person or whatever. They might not really have
• 3:31
  liked. They might not really have
• 3:33
  enjoyed those same things that you liked and enjoyed.
• 3:36
  They might have just been telling you that to get you to
• 3:38
  fall for them because as the relationship progressed, you
• 3:41
  might have realized like, that we really don't have anything in
• 3:44
  common. We really don't like the same
• 3:46
  thing. We really don't act alike.
• 3:48
  We really don't behave the same, you know?
• 3:51
  So that falls into that category that No2 narcissists are going
• 3:55
  to be the same in in their next relationship.
• 3:58
  Why wouldn't they? Y'all because you're not like
• 3:59
  the same stuff that works on you might not work with somebody
• 4:02
  else. Let's keep it real.
• 4:04
  That's the way it goes sometimes.
• 4:05
  Y'all like be be being realistic.
• 4:06
  That's just the way it goes sometimes.
• 4:08
  The same thing that worked for me, the same thing that worked
• 4:13
  on you might not work on the next person.
• 4:16
  And it doesn't mean that something is wrong with you.
• 4:18
  That just means that y'all have different interests.
• 4:21
  Like the narcissist, a lot of narcissists, y'all we struggle
• 4:25
  with our identities, right? Like we really don't know who we
• 4:29
  are sometimes. So we become you sometimes.
• 4:33
  Some of us, some of us become like different versions of you.
• 4:37
  You ever hear people? Oh, you, you, you're the male
• 4:39
  version of me. You're the female version of me.
• 4:41
  You're the boy version of me. You're the girl like you hear
• 4:43
  you hear people say that before. That's sometimes that's the
• 4:46
  result of somebody being mirrored.
• 4:48
  You act just like me. People say we act just alike,
• 4:51
  you know, in that space right there.
• 4:53
  So, no, narcissists are not going to be the same in every
• 4:55
  relationship, but it doesn't mean that they got better.
• 4:59
  Let me say that with emphasis. It does not mean just because
• 5:03
  they act differently in a new relationship does not mean that
• 5:06
  they've had gotten better. They might have gotten better at
• 5:09
  being manipulative, and they might have got better at hiding
• 5:12
  the things that they actually want to do.
• 5:14
  They might become better liars, But it doesn't mean that they're
• 5:18
  going to be a better person. You know, they just did not.
• 5:22
  Just because they act different and behave differently in a new
• 5:26
  relationship does not mean that they're going to be a better
• 5:29
  person. I think a lot of people just
• 5:32
  won't. They won't.
• 5:33
  I'm not saying you contend with me and argue with me about that,
• 5:36
  but a lot of people put up a fight with me about it.
• 5:38
  When I say that right there, just because they're behaving
• 5:40
  differently in a new relationship does not mean that
• 5:44
  they are better people, does not mean that they put the work in
• 5:47
  to become a better human being. It does not mean that.
• 5:50
  It just mean they had to change it, like, you know, it just mean
• 5:52
  they had to change their colours.
• 5:54
  If narcissists are chameleons like you might be a green leaf
• 5:58
  and the other person might be a red leaf.
• 6:00
  So if I'm a chameleon and I'm laying on you, I'm going to be
• 6:03
  green. If I'm a chameleon and I'm
• 6:05
  laying on that person, I'm with that person.
• 6:07
  I'm going to be red. I'm still a chameleon.
• 6:10
  I'm just red. Now, defense mechanism.
• 6:13
  They change colors for defense. You know, I might be this person
• 6:17
  might be purple, that person might be blue, that person might
• 6:19
  be yellow. That person might be orange.
• 6:21
  They they change to fit who they need.
• 6:23
  They change to fit who they are with like the stuff.
• 6:27
  And like this is this is what happens a lot of times too.
• 6:29
  Y'all. They take the stuff that you
• 6:31
  wanted from them. They take the stuff that you
• 6:33
  might the stuff that you might have been begging them to do.
• 6:35
  You might have been begging them to take you on trips.
• 6:37
  You might have been begging them to join a yoga class, You might
• 6:40
  have been begging them to get a new car.
• 6:41
  You might have been begging them to have kids or getting married
• 6:43
  or whatever. You might have been begging.
• 6:45
  But then they take everything that you begged for and give it
• 6:49
  to the next person because it works.
• 6:52
  That's the being real estate because it works, right?
• 6:55
  That's why. Because it works like it.
• 7:00
  It like they know that you wanted it.
• 7:02
  So they tested out on a new person.
• 7:05
  Like, oh, my ex used to love this stuff and I never did it
• 7:08
  for them. So let me do it for you to see
• 7:10
  if you to see if you like this and this is what they'll tell,
• 7:13
  this is what they'll tell other people.
• 7:15
  Oh, and if you ask them, let's just say you, you're watching
• 7:19
  that your narcissistic ex give the next person everything that
• 7:21
  you begged for, and you ask them, was that not worth it?
• 7:25
  Why did you do that for me? They're like, y'all you give
• 7:27
  them the opportunity to hurt your fellows again.
• 7:31
  You give them the opportunity to put you down, they're going to
• 7:33
  be like, no, no, you wouldn't worth it.
• 7:34
  This is the love of my life. I'm doing this for this person
• 7:37
  because I love them so much. I love this person so much
• 7:41
  because they've been here for me, because they love me.
• 7:43
  They care about me and they deserve it.
• 7:44
  You didn't deserve it. You're worthless, you know.
• 7:47
  Know your worth. Stay in your blame, stay in your
• 7:49
  place. They will treat you badly.
• 7:51
  Y'all you give them the opportunity to hurt your the
• 7:54
  opportunity to hurt your folks and they will absolutely seize
• 7:57
  that opportunity a lot of times. So this is me telling you to
• 8:00
  protect your piece, to protect yourself, because if you don't,
• 8:03
  y'all you're just opening yourself up with more hurt, you
• 8:06
  know? So yeah, they might be, they
• 8:08
  might look different, they might act differently, they might
• 8:10
  dress differently, they might have a new haircut, they might
• 8:12
  get their teeth fixed. You mean my exes are brushing
• 8:15
  their teeth and showering every night?
• 8:16
  Well, they never shower me every night.
• 8:18
  They just came to bed. They they whole ass stinking,
• 8:22
  yo. We were married for 10 years and
• 8:26
  never showered before bed. They just came into bed stinking
• 8:29
  and they still wanted to clap cheeks.
• 8:30
  No, they. But I hear it over there.
• 8:35
  They shower every single day. Twice a day sometimes.
• 8:38
  Come on. Y'all.
• 8:39
  Come on. And another reason I'm going to
• 8:41
  say this as well, Another reason, and this can help you
• 8:44
  for future relationships, is right here.
• 8:45
  Y'all another reason that they might behave differently in new
• 8:48
  in other relationships with new people because other people have
• 8:52
  different boundaries. And if other people's boundaries
• 8:55
  might not be waivable, other people's boundaries might be
• 8:58
  solid boundaries. But narcissistic people can
• 9:01
  sometimes get around those boundaries, or they'll pretend
• 9:05
  to be OK with those boundaries at first, just to get integrated
• 9:08
  into that person's life. And once they're integrated,
• 9:11
  they start hacking away or chiseling away or chipping away
• 9:14
  at those boundaries. That happens quite a bit, too.
• 9:18
  So this is the space that a lot of people fall into When you're
• 9:20
  dealing with narcissists and talk to people is the fact that,
• 9:23
  like, they will pretend to be OK with boundaries.
• 9:26
  They will respect your peace. They will respect your space at
• 9:30
  first, but then they switch it up later on.
• 9:33
  They really do. And that's and that's a bit,
• 9:35
  that's bits and pieces of how this goes.
• 9:38
  There's bits and pieces of how this relationship dynamic plays
• 9:40
  out a lot of times, you know, So just again, y'all, just because
• 9:45
  they started acting differently in their new relationship does
• 9:48
  not mean that they get better. Yeah, they're not going to
• 9:51
  behave the same in new relationships sometimes.
• 9:53
  Look, you know, sometimes the stuff that worked on you might
• 9:56
  work on a new person as well. So they they might actually look
• 9:59
  the same in a new relationship. But also think about this as
• 10:03
  well. If you are still watching their
• 10:04
  new relationship, what you're probably witnessing is the love
• 10:09
  bombing phase. You're probably witnessing them
• 10:12
  love bombing the new supply. You're probably witnessing them
• 10:15
  giving a new person or a new supply.
• 10:17
  Everything you you probably watch in the beginning, the
• 10:19
  idealization phase, of course, things going to be going to be
• 10:22
  good during the idealization phase.
• 10:24
  That's the phase where they get you trapped in.
• 10:25
  That's the phase, That's the hook.
• 10:26
  That's the hook phase right there.
• 10:28
  The hooking phase. Y'all the hooking phase.
• 10:31
  If y'all have if y'all have not signed up for my newsletter,
• 10:33
  make sure y'all sign up for my newsletter.
• 10:34
  Y'all in a couple weeks. I'm releasing 2 courses and
• 10:36
  other a lot of other things as well.
• 10:38
  My newsletter link is in the bio on the description of every
• 10:41
  video I post. Y'all make sure y'all sign up
• 10:43
  for the newsletter. Seriously.
• 10:44
  Because I have a self love course coming out and I have a
• 10:47
  cycle of narcissistic abuse from the perspective of a diagnosed
• 10:51
  narcissist that's coming out as well, so I'll be prepared for
• 10:54
  that too. Y'all but yeah, narcissist might
• 10:55
  change for the new person, but it's not.
• 10:57
  It's going to be, it's going, It's temporary.
• 10:59
  Y'all they're not going to therapy working on themselves.
• 11:01
  Well, they're they did. They used.
• 11:03
  They didn't go to church with me, but they're going to church
• 11:05
  with the other person. So much y'all consistency, you
• 11:10
  know, focus on you turn off the narcissist TV.
• 11:13
  I have a video called that too. Y'all turn off the narcissist
• 11:15
  TV. Stop watching them watch you.
• 11:17
  Be safe. Take care of yourself and make
• 11:18
  sure y'all like and subscribe to the channel.
• 11:20
  I'm out. Thank you so much for making it
• 11:23
  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
• 11:25
  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
• 11:27
  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 11:29
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 11:32
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 11:34
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 11:36
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
• 11:40
  out. Thank you.
• 11:41
  I will see you in the next video.
• 11:42
  Peace.