Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Australian Immigration Prank Call

Transcript

Australian Immigration Prank Call · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Here is another world famous.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Crank call from Darren Wackhead, something that's ex exclusive to
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: KFM Mornings.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, oh you know what it's. It's this prank. It's
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: kind of like a gut punch for me. It was
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: the last time I did one like this, somebody that
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: was immigrating, and that that hits me in the gut.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, okay, you're leaving, you're leaving. I hate
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: to hear people leaving, I really do, because I'm so
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: positive about this place. So the last time I did
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: the prank, this guy was and his family were immigrating
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: to New Zealand. Okay, now, yeah, this guy, take a
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: guess where's he going? Perth, correct man, go to Australia. Okay,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: So they've so that's why. So they've they've applied, they've
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: they've got accepted and all sorts of stuff, all right,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna just have some fun with him.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I'm phoning from the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs, legit. Yeah,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: because they're very strict about who they led into their country,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: all right. And there's what is two two hundred South
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: African two hundred thousand South Africans in Australia, I think
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: perhaps a bit less. I know the UK has got
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: the most. That's bordering on three hundred thousand in the UK,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: but two hundred thousand, I think in Australia. Okay, so
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: it's not two hundred thousand and one plus his family.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Australia's calling. All right, just put up with the accent, alright,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: all right, here we go, great mate, it's Lester Fenwick
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: here from the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs. Tell you why.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: The reason for this call a bit of a concern.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: The first point of concern here is about your frequent
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: travels to certain countries in question.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah you see we I mean we didn't go back
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: to the same country, so there's obviously a list of
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: places we would have liked to see.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Okay. So you went to Egypt for one day, yes,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: to see the pyramids, right mate? Okay, Now let's be honest.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: You did you did you have rocks up.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: Your no, No, it was it was on a stopover flight.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: So we were going to New York. But the flight
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: from South Africa to New York goes via Egypt, right, okay.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: And when you went to Dubai. What did you have
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: up your talio?
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Nothing? Honestly, My wife's cousin lived in Dubai.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: When was your last time you arrived in Australia.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: We went to Australia to activate our visas on the
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: twelfth of May.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Right, and you stayed there for how long?
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: For a day? Right? Because they told us, you know
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: that that we have to activate our visas. That's what
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: we did. We just flew in to activate our visas.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: So and tell me how much cocaine did you have
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: stuffed up your dingo?
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Nothing? Honestly, Seriously, I don't do drugs. I don't take drugs.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: You know. My our wife is a teacher, and we
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: just wanted to see some places around the world. That's
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: what we're just trying to experience life.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: When you went to New York, how much do we
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: up your bunghole? That's it's When you went to Victoria Falls?
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: How much ecstasy did you have stuck up your Zambia?
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Nothing? Nothing?
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Okay? Mate? Tell me what is this sound?
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: What is that?
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: That's the sound of a drug? Meal mate? I'm not honestly,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: that is a sound of what.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: It sounds like a horse. But I'm not that. I'm
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: not that.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: What is that, mate?
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: It sounds like a horse or a donkey?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: What's another name for a donkey?
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Uh an yeah.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Otherwise known as the smuggler's patch.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Go on, I don't know a mule, mate, this is
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: not honestly, please come and meet me. I'll come and
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: meet you. I will show you where I live. I'll
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: show you where I work.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I will.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I will bring you my pace lips. I'll bring you
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: my wife's pacelips.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Right, my right, I'll go go. Excuse me, excuse me?
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Do it again? Do that sound again? What the hell
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: was that? Give it a bit of effort, mate, Oh right,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: and what does that sound?
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: It sounds like a horse.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: No, that sounds like a drug mule, mate. Honestly, you
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: can even do the sound dinking.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Please please can you interview me in person? I'm I'll
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: come with my wife. We we are good people. I
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: don't have any records. I mean, you know, if I
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: don't know what to say, I've never smuggled rugs. Ever,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: there's there's no ways promise you we are no drug mules.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: This this is I'm not a bad guy. I'm I'm
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: a decent citizen. That's yeah.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: You sound like you're on a verge of crime.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I am. We went through security, airport security, you know,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: those beagle dogs and sniffed our bags every you know everybody.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: All you need to do, mate, a trick with all
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: the drug mules, which you are all right, they've got
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: it all up there, right, and then when the dog
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: comes along, they just let a ripper go. Mate. No,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: it's a decoy, it's a disguise.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: No, we've never done that.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: People are filthy, mate. Have you never let a ripper
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: go waiting for your luggage?
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Tissing me out? A little bit call from Australia saying
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I'm a drug mule, which I'm not. The furtherest thing
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: from my mind.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Now, welcome to Australia, mate, Thank.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: You very much.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: It's important you never forget your roots, right, Yes, okay,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: So I need you to make a promise with me, mate,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: you need to promise me that every single day you're
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: going to stream WHACKEA Simpson back in South Africa. Oh,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: this is a joke, my buddy.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: You're not my body now giving me a heart attack.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: You're giving that's the going away present from his entire family.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: That's sad to see him leave. Yeah, but you had
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: him stressed out before his eyes.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he was ready to show you his place pacelip,
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: his wife's pacelep.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Good luck guys. Yeah, but that's your going away present.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Like I said, from your entire family, all those details,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: from the mother to the father, to the sister, to
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: the brother, to the cousins, the aunties, the uncles, everybody
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: was all in all right, but you were in lack
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: of luck.