Latest / LIVING WITHOUT FEAR / 144. Living Without Fear - Why Drama Felt Like Home – And Peace Didn’t | With Esther Buerki

Transcript

144. Living Without Fear - Why Drama Felt Like Home – And Peace Didn’t | With Esther Buerki · LIVING WITHOUT FEAR

• 0:00
  Hello my dear ones. This is Esther speaking to you
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  from Switzerland. And today I want to invite you
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  into a very honest reflection, one that has been unfolding
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  quietly inside me for years and only recently became clear
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  enough to put in 2 words. I've been thinking a lot about
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  inner peace, Not as a concept, not as something spiritual or
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  distant, but as a lived experience in my body, in my
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  nervous system, in my everyday life.
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  And maybe you know this too. There was a time in my life when
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  if nothing dramatic was happening, no conflict, no
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  tension, no emotional charge with another person, I felt
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  empty, bored, almost invisible. I remember thinking, is this it?
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  Is this really life? Back then, when I had challenges
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  in my relationship or issues with my past when I was still
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  employed, life felt intense and life meaningful.
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  I didn't consciously search for problems, but they came to me
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  again and again. And today I see something I
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  couldn't see. Back then, my nervous system was
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  programmed for stress, for tension, for emotional ups and
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  downs. Calm felt unfamiliar.
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  Peace felt unsafe. Stillness felt like something
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  was wrong. And when nothing challenging
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  happened, I didn't feel free. I felt depressed, worthless, as
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  if I had no value without struggle.
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  At that time, most of my friendships were built around
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  problems. We talked for hours about what
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  wasn't working, about partners, about family wounds, about being
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  misunderstood, about how hard life was.
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  We bonded through pain, not through joy.
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  We rarely met just to enjoy being alive.
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  Not for a walk in nature, Not for music, art, beauty or
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  silence. Not for laughter without a heavy
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  back story. Our connection was based on on
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  processing, not on presence. And when I met new people, I
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  felt especially drawn to those who carried similar struggles,
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  difficult childhoods, family conflicts, stories of rejection
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  or emotionally neglect. There was a strange sense of
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  belonging in shared wounds. I also noticed something else.
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  I often connected easily with women who had a very negative
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  view of men. Men as absent fathers, men as
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  unreliable, men as weak, show offy, emotionally unavailable.
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  And suddenly we had something to talk about for hours.
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  We could rant, Agree, confirm each other's pain.
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  At the time, I thought this was connection.
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  Today, while preparing this episode, I see it with so much
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  clarity. I attracted people who mirrored
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  my inner world. Same pain, same coping
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  mechanism, same way of relating to life and the people who were
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  calm, balanced, content with themselves, I found them boring,
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  truly boring. At parties or gatherings, I
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  barely spoke to them, they didn't stimulate my nervous
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  system, they didn't trigger anything.
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  And that alone tells me everything.
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  Because over the last few years, something fundamental has
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  changed inside me. Today, when I hear people
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  complaining endlessly at the swimming pool in social
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  settings, I feel it immediately in my body.
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  My younger self would have joined in without hesitation.
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  My current self listens and then chooses differently.
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  I set boundaries, not harsh ones, but clear ones.
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  I consciously look for someone else to talk to, someone
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  present, someone light, someone who enjoys life instead of
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  fighting it. And I no longer tried to build
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  friendships with people who live in complaint.
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  I'm done with it. And I say this without anger,
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  just with deep self honesty. Even with people close to me, my
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  father, an older woman I know, I call less often.
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  I keep conversations shorter, not because I don't care, but
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  because my inner peace matters. And I know this question might
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  arise in you too. Isn't that selfish?
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  Let me answer this from my heart.
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  When I am at peace, I am more loving, more patient, more
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  generous. I smile more easily at strangers
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  in the shopping mall. I'm calmer in traffic.
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  I listen with more presents to my clients.
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  And yes, I am a better mother to my 2 adult sons.
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  Peace doesn't disconnect me from people.
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  It connects me more deeply. Peace allows me to serve without
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  burning myself out. That's why inner peace has
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  become non negotiable for me. Because peace and fear cannot
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  coexist. When I am nervous and stressed,
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  fear enters effortlessly. Fear about the future, about the
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  next six months, about the next year, about everything that
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  could go wrong. Fear loves uncertainty, and fear
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  always pretends to be realistic. But inner peace only lives now,
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  not in the past, not in imagined futures.
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  And from peace, I suddenly have access to clarity, creativity,
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  and strength. Peace doesn't protect me from
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  difficult things, it equips me to face them.
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  So for me, fear and peace are true opposites.
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  If I nurture fear, peace disappears.
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  If I consciously choose peace, fear loses its grip.
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  The same is true for love, and the same is true for light and
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  darkness. You cannot hold both at the same
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  time. And here comes the most
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  empowering truth of all. You get to choose every single
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  day, every moment you feel triggered, every time your old
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  patterns knock on the door. You can choose drama or peace,
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  fear or trust, complaint or gratitude, old survival or new
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  freedom. This choice is quiet, subtle,
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  but incredibly powerful. And if you feel ready to make
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  this shift, if something inside you says yes, I want more peace,
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  I would love to support you. I'm offering a free one-on-one
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  coaching session, a space for honesty, clarity, and gentle
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  transformation. You'll find the link in the show
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  notes. Thank you for listening.
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  Thank you for choosing awareness.
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  New episodes are released every Thursday, and until then, choose
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  peace again and again with so much love.