Latest / Dear Chelsea / Big Words for Being Cheap with Chelsea + Catherine

Transcript

Big Words for Being Cheap with Chelsea + Catherine · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Good afternoon, everybody. It's me Chesty hand Job Libert and
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Catherine Low Oh hello, Hi, Oh my god, you guys.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I was in Tennessee all weekend. I had dates in
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I performed at Graceland, I performed in Knoxville and then Chattanooga,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: so I thought, for sure, you know, there was going
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to be trouble, and there never is.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: They were like three of the greatest tour shows of
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: my tour so far.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: That's awesome.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: And Tulsa was another highlight.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: All these random places that I'm like, I don't want
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: to go there because you know how I feel about Florida,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: which listen, I know you guys are all dming me
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: about Florida, and I know that I have fans in Florida,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: and I have friends in Florida that I want to see,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: and I have relatives that my Rabbi lives in Florida.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: So nothing would make me happier than to go to Florida.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: But I mean, the only stance I could take politically
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: that matters is an economic one. And while it may
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: not make a difference if I don't go on tour there,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: like hopefully other artists are feeling the same way. And
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: will do the same thing because it's just not a
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: place that I'm going to contribute when the laws are
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: so discriminatory.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: The NAACP just put out a travel warning for the.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: LGBTQ community and all African Americans that Florida is a
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: hostile environment.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: It's basically one large sundown town.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: It's exactly like that. Speaking of sundowners. I was on
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: a plane to Memphis this weekend going to perform at Graceland. Right,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: this is my first time ever. So we went to Graceland,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: but more on that later. And this man sat down
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: behind me. He was older, seventy ish. He was next
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: to a fifty year oldish and I was sitting next
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: to the man's wife, I think, and I was reading
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: my book. I'm reading Andrea Augusty's book right now, which
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: is really good, cool, and it's worth reading.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Because he was addicted to Crystal Beth.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I like, and his whole childhood about being controlled by
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: his father. But I love any addiction story, and I
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: like any affair story. I want to hear about cheating
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: and drugs. That's what I'm interested in. So I heard
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: this guy, the older man, and talk.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, yeah, where you from? Where?
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: He had just come from Manila or something, and he
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, where are you from? And he goes, yeah,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: you know, I somehow they just got right to guns.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: And the guy goes, no, I just I want I'm
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: never giving my gun. They talk about giving our guns away.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I'm never giving my guns away. I don't trust this government.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: And I'm gonna you're gonna have to shoot me if
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: you want my guns. You know what my guns are
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: for if the wrong person walks up to my door.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: And so I give me a chill down. My fine.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: So I turned around and between the two seats and
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: put my.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Popped my head in and said, please stop talking like that,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: because what you're talking about right now is murder and
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about it. And the older
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: man was like oh, Like clearly he had never had
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: anyone call him out on any ray. He was like, oh, sorry, sorry,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Like it was first they don't realize what they're sing
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: acceptable conversation to be having in a public space, you know,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: never mind in a private one. But anyway, we weren't
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: in private space. And so he stopped and then they
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: were quiet for a couple of minutes. And then they
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: picked back up again, but this time he was talking
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: about and how the country's going to hell in a
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: handbasket because of all of the immigrants, and it's Biden's
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: fault and he hopes somebody shoots him before the election.
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: WOA.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Then I got up for the second time to get
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: my bag over my overhead bin to get my headphones
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: in so that I didn't have to listen to this nonsense.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: And while I was standing, I said, do you know
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: how racist and disgusting you sound? I'm sorry, do you
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: know how racist and disgusting you are?
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: And the both of the men just looked at me
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: and didn't say anything.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: And he was like, what, I go racist? You are
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: a racist?
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: And because what do you think they're talking about when
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: they say the wrong person?
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: We know what I said?
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Do you know that there was a boy that was
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: just shot three weeks ago because he was picking up
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: his two younger brothers and he accidentally went to the
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: wrong house, an innocent boy who was shot by a man.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Like you do you know that?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: And then the guy just couldn't even respond, and my
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: heart was beating out of my chest. Yeah, and his
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: wife was like hiding in the corner for me, and
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: so I was like, oh, great, here we go, you know,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: but I was shaking, and I was like, I couldn't
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: not say something because I just wouldn't be able to.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be happy with myself if I didn't. Anyway,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: I sat down, and as I was sitting down, the
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: fifty year old Ish guy said, why don't you mind
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: your own fucking business?
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: Pretty hard to do when they're talking in your direction.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I said, in excuse me, what did you What did
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: you just say? I would love, I would love to
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: mind my own business, but unfortunately we're in a public
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: place and all I could hear is you talking about
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: murdering people.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: And then then they didn't talk again.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: You can talk about anything else.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: It's not working. Actually, just you now you're suspended.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, it was so disgusting to think like that casually.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh, remind yourself. You're on
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: your way to Memphis. And then I thought, oh god,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: this is going to be tough.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: And I have to tell you, Memphis was one of
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: the most moving trips because we went to go see
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: where Martin Luther King was shot at the Lorraine Hotel and.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Right next door to it. They have they have bought
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: in the.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Hot Boughton, Oh god, they've that's from the guy on
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: the plane.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I learned that from Boughton they had bought.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: They have bought, they have who knows what the churches
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: they have purchased the hotel. The hotel's part of the
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Civil Rights Museum, and the Civil Rights museum that they
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: had in Memphis was phenomenal. It was at least like
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: a two hour ninety minutes to two hour minimum time,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: which I appreciate that kind of information. It was so comprehensive,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: all about MLK Junior and about all the other people
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: who had stood up for something for the first time
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: and real heroes.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Well, and I'm glad it's part of the museum. I
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: know you had posted a picture of the hotel, and
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: I guess I just didn't even realize it was at
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: a hotel. You know, that wasn't where I pictured. I
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: don't know where I did picture it happening.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: But so you can in the museum.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I in the tour, you walk in and you at
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: the end it is you see the hotel room exactly
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: how it was. But I didn't realize Martin Luther King
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: was only five foote seven. I realized that in the picture.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like, how did I.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Not know that?
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he was not super tall.
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Interesting.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: I always think that.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: I don't know why that's interesting, but it is for
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: some reason to me.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Because it's a man of stature. Al right, yeah, yeah.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: But I mean, statue does an equal height, clearly, but
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: there's also an you know.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: And then we went to grace Lann.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: We got a tour of Graceland right before I performed there,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: and that was really cool. I didn't expect it to
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: be that cool. I was like, oh, I mean, I'm
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: not a huge like Elvis fan. I mean, obviously I
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: respect what he did and how meaningful he was, but
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I don't care about that stuff anyway. I was like
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: into the tour. We saw his house. They it's so cool.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: And it's still done. Yeah, Like how was there?
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: It's yeah.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: And then they have had Lisa Marie Presley's casket there
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: already next to her son who died during COVID, and
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: then him and his parents, and I guess Priscilla Presley
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: was just denied to be buried there.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: She wanted to be buried with her family, which seems right. Yeah,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: and she is a major part of his legacy. Like
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know, but maybe her and her granddaughter. I
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: don't know what the deal is with that.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: They just have a lot of sam and drama.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Anyway, the woman at the thing was like, oh no,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Priscilla's not being buried here. I'm like, okay, copy that.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I won't ask again. But yeah, so that was cool.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: And then we went to doll Leywood.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I had a full time an experience, and Knoxville was amazing.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Chattanooga was also so much fun. I just love going
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: to these southern towns. But I mean, I'm just gonna
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: have to keep crossing states off my list with all
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: of the legislation that is being passed.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Right, I mean, Texas is a huge place to perform.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I mean there's so many cities there that I go to,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, all right, what am I doing about Texas?
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, can you just go to Austin? Probably not,
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: you know, you got a lot more.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Oh you can, But do I want to?
• 7:26
  Speaker 6: Right?
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Is that the right thing to do? So I have
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: to really consider all of those things. I want to
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: be really responsible and back up my action my words
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: with actions, not just you know.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean I know, you know a friend of
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: mine who is you know, traveling and performing as well.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: She has been trying to get pregnant with her husband
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: and she had had an abortion that she had to
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: have because of an ectopic pregnancy a year ago. And
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: she basically was like, there's places I can't go because
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: if I need an emergency treatment for an ectopic pregnancy
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: or something else, which is like in her situation, more
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: likely to happen again. She's like, I just can't go
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: to these places. Yeah, it's right now, and that's not
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: safe for women, not safe for a lot of people. Well, Chelsea,
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: I have an update from a caller, and I'm really
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: excited about this one. I might have cried a little
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: bit reading it, but this is from Anna who called
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: in about her dental work that she needed help with.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: And she you know, had a lot of guilt and
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: shame around her eating disorder which had caused the need
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: for this dental work. And so we talked to her
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: through that and Dear Chelsea listeners contributed to her gofund me,
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: which was really exciting. Anna says, Dear Chelsea wanted to
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: send y'all an update. First, I can't even begin to
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: express the depth of my gratitude to you, Chelsea Otsco
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: and the entire Dear Chelsea family for the outpouring of
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: support you've shown me in the last few months. Since
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: the podcast in December, the Ana from Dear Chelsea go
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: fund me page has raised over fourteen five hundred dollars
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: for my dental fund, and as of today, seven hundred
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: and twenty three people have donated. Oh these numbers speak
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: volumes to the power and compassion of the community that
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: you've cultivated through this podcast. From the bottom of my heart,
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: thank you, thank you, thank you. As a non profit
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: professional and marketer, I know the importance of sharing impact
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: stories to help people better understand the power of their donation.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: So here's how you've changed my life to your Chelsea fam.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: Over the last five months, I have gone to the
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: dentist monthly for batches of procedures aimed at repairing and
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: healing my teeth. In January, I went for a set
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: of procedures to repair three teeth and crowns. Unfortunately, it
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: was too late to salvage one of those teeth and
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: it had to be extracted. Ah but wait, there's more.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: That could have been the end of that story, and
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: I would have had to live the rest of my
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: life missing a very important tooth. But thankfully the GoFundMe
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: allowed me to say yes to the process of a
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: bone graft and eventually an implant to help me salvage
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: that moler. Undoubtedly, being able to tackle these procedures with
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: urgency is saving many more of my teeth that otherwise
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: I would not have been able to attend to for
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: years due to financial limitations. My dentists confirmed this and
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: wanted me to make sure I sent this gratitude to
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: the dear Chelsea community for your support in this process.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: Y'all have changed my life profoundly, not only with your donations,
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: but with your compassionate and empathetic messages on the GoFundMe
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: as well. Thank you for helping me heal on so
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: many levels. I'm forever grateful. Anna.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Oh I love it.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it's awesome. It's so exciting.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: I see what happens when people care and are nice
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: and caring and sweet and empathetic and compassionate instead of
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: buying fucking guns.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: For sure, and also, like Anna came to us with
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: this issue, and was so vulnerable and open about the
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: shame she felt and guilt she felt, and that I
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: think for me was what was so moving about her story.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: Is like she wasn't actually even here asking for money.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: She was like talking about what she'd gone through, why
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: she felt like she'd done it to herself, and why
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: she deserved it when like none of that is true,
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: is all just head trash, and she deserves all the
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: good things.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, and a beautiful smile is everything.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: Yes, Well, we are back with our sponsored segment, calling
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: in back up with Better Help, and we have a
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: brand new therapist to help us out today, licensed marriage
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at Betterhelp,
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: Courtney Cope.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Hello, Courtney Cope, what's happening.
• 11:29
  Speaker 7: Oh, it's good to be here. Thank you for having me.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Well, we love Better Help and we love
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: referring people to Better Help.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Yes, we love therapy. Well, we have kind of a
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: really tough question that we're gonna have Courtney help us
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: out with. Priscilla says dear Chelsea. I'm twenty five years
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: old and just finished graduate school. I've been with my
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: boyfriend for over four years. We're young. I know, but
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: I'm in a phase in life where I feel it's
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: time to decide if this is the person I'm marrying
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: or not. I love him so oh dearly. He's everything
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: that most women in my age complain about not being
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: able to find. He's sensitive, in touch with his emotions,
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: an excellent communicator, and he tries so hard at everything
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: he does. The problem, however, is that he's severely depressed.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: He's been hospitalized twice for his mental illness and continues
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: seeking treatment today. He never gives up even when things
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: are really hard. He always takes his medication and is
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: extremely willing to try any and everything to help. But
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: despite his best efforts, nothing seems to really alleviate his hurting.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I can live in fear of
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: him dying from this my whole life. I want children,
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: and I don't want them to lose a parent that
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: way either. Any advice, Priscilla.
• 12:42
  Speaker 7: Wow, such an important question, and first of all, I
• 12:46
  Speaker 7: just want to commend this person for really weighing the
• 12:49
  Speaker 7: importance of this decision regarding a long term partnership and
• 12:53
  Speaker 7: potentially bringing children into the world together with someone. So
• 12:57
  Speaker 7: kudos to this person for wanting to make a thoughtful
• 13:00
  Speaker 7: decision here. Second of all, I think the broad theme
• 13:05
  Speaker 7: to this question is the one that we see a
• 13:06
  Speaker 7: lot in the therapy office, and that theme is I
• 13:11
  Speaker 7: love my partner, and they have so many great qualities,
• 13:14
  Speaker 7: and here's all the things I value about them, but
• 13:18
  Speaker 7: there's also this other thing that has me questioning if
• 13:22
  Speaker 7: we're a good fit. And so one of the biggest
• 13:24
  Speaker 7: pitfalls I see when people are asking this question in
• 13:28
  Speaker 7: their relationships is to make it specifically about their partner
• 13:32
  Speaker 7: or their partner's behavior, or their partner's issues alone, meaning,
• 13:36
  Speaker 7: my partner has this thing, and if this one thing
• 13:39
  Speaker 7: could go away, then we could move forward and everything
• 13:41
  Speaker 7: would be great. So instead, what I find to be
• 13:45
  Speaker 7: really helpful for people who may find themselves and you know,
• 13:48
  Speaker 7: listeners who may be listening to this and finding themselves
• 13:50
  Speaker 7: even in a similar quandary situation, is to take a
• 13:54
  Speaker 7: compassionate approach and approach this from honestly asking yourself, do
• 14:00
  Speaker 7: I have the capacity to love this person on their
• 14:05
  Speaker 7: journey wherever it will take them and wherever it will
• 14:08
  Speaker 7: take us? Am I equipped for that? Do I possess
• 14:12
  Speaker 7: the capacity? Do I possess the desire. Is this something
• 14:15
  Speaker 7: I want to put effort into because you get to
• 14:18
  Speaker 7: say in how you want one of the most important
• 14:20
  Speaker 7: decisions of your life, potentially marrying and creating children with
• 14:24
  Speaker 7: someone you know to play out.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: Does that make sense mmmmmm hmm.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: And as you mentioned having children with this person, as
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Priscilla did, there is also something to consider about a
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: lot of times depression, anxiety. These things are hereditary, and
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: you know that can be past generation to generation, So
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: there is something to think about there as well when
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: you're choosing a life partner or somebody to approcreate with.
• 14:48
  Speaker 7: And the other thing I want to point out is, look,
• 14:50
  Speaker 7: we any one of us. We could have a partner
• 14:52
  Speaker 7: who struggles with their mood or emotions. We might have
• 14:54
  Speaker 7: a partner who maybe spends more money than we're comfortable with,
• 14:58
  Speaker 7: or has a different sexual appetite than us. So we
• 15:00
  Speaker 7: may have a partner as a different religion or culture
• 15:03
  Speaker 7: than we are a part of. And none of these
• 15:05
  Speaker 7: things are inherently wrong. These are all just kinds of
• 15:09
  Speaker 7: typical things that we see in therapy, whatever the subject
• 15:12
  Speaker 7: matter is. So like, we have to be honest about
• 15:14
  Speaker 7: what our capacity is to be with someone who is
• 15:18
  Speaker 7: fill in the blank. And so for this specific person,
• 15:21
  Speaker 7: one thing that I would recommend is to start with
• 15:23
  Speaker 7: some self exploration here and inquire is this partnership with
• 15:27
  Speaker 7: this specific person and all that comes with it, the
• 15:30
  Speaker 7: good and the not ideal, is it really something that
• 15:33
  Speaker 7: you want and something you have the capacity for in
• 15:36
  Speaker 7: your life. Because if it is, then perhaps it's about
• 15:39
  Speaker 7: bolstering the support that you have for yourself and your
• 15:42
  Speaker 7: partner so that you have someone to help you when
• 15:45
  Speaker 7: you're helping your partner with their feelings of depression. Maybe
• 15:48
  Speaker 7: it's about getting in couples counseling with both of you
• 15:50
  Speaker 7: so that as a unit you two have support for
• 15:53
  Speaker 7: navigating these challenging situations. Or as a third option, perhaps
• 15:58
  Speaker 7: it's about acknowledging that this life path and this specific
• 16:03
  Speaker 7: relationship isn't it right for you? And that's okay too.
• 16:06
  Speaker 7: There's literally no right or wrong answer here. It's just
• 16:09
  Speaker 7: about being lovingly honest with yourself and not getting yourself
• 16:13
  Speaker 7: into a situation where when the rubber meets the road,
• 16:16
  Speaker 7: you'll feel resentful or full of regret for decisions you
• 16:19
  Speaker 7: made in the past.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: But how do you handle something when it's delicate like,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: you know the other partner suffers from severe depression. You know,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I think that puts a lot of pressure on the
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: partner even thinking about leaving or breaking up the relationship.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: There's a sense of responsibility that comes with that. So
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: what advice do you give to people who are making
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: the decision to say, Okay, maybe I'm not cut out
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: for this, maybe I don't want to bring children into
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: this dynamic.
• 16:42
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, look, relationship issues are tough because you're
• 16:46
  Speaker 7: dealing with two people's lives and potentially children's lives. And
• 16:49
  Speaker 7: so if this is one of those tough situations, like
• 16:52
  Speaker 7: you're mentioning you know someone who's dealing with depression and
• 16:55
  Speaker 7: you feel bad about leaving, I mean, there's all kinds
• 16:58
  Speaker 7: of reasons why we have to be really mindful about
• 17:01
  Speaker 7: the decisions we are making. And this person sounds like
• 17:04
  Speaker 7: they have a lot of great qualities right, Like they
• 17:07
  Speaker 7: are sensitive, they're doing all the things. Like, there's a
• 17:10
  Speaker 7: lot of reasons why this person loves their partner, And
• 17:13
  Speaker 7: if they aren't the person to be with them for
• 17:16
  Speaker 7: the rest of their life, there's gonna be someone else
• 17:18
  Speaker 7: who's gonna love them and accept them where they're at
• 17:20
  Speaker 7: I think where people get into trouble is where they
• 17:23
  Speaker 7: think this, these two people, we're together, and you have
• 17:25
  Speaker 7: to meet all my needs and I have to meet
• 17:27
  Speaker 7: all your needs. And if those two people aren't compatible,
• 17:30
  Speaker 7: sometimes the most loving thing is letting them go so
• 17:32
  Speaker 7: that they can go and find their better match.
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: I think this question jumped out to me because whether
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: it's us that's been with a partner who's depressed, or
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: a friend, like everyone knows somebody who's been like I
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: can't leave them they're having xyz mental health issue. When
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: would you say? It's like, I mean, obviously we want
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: to prioritize our own mental health before we can like
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: reach out to another person. But what would you say
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: is sort of like the defining factor of I know
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: that I can't withstand a relationship with this person. What
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: would you say is the flection point there?
• 18:07
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean it's the same thing that we hear
• 18:09
  Speaker 7: every time we board an airplane. It's put on your
• 18:11
  Speaker 7: oxygen mask first, and then help the person next to you,
• 18:14
  Speaker 7: or your child or your partner. It's like, if you're
• 18:16
  Speaker 7: finding yourself in a place in your life where you're
• 18:19
  Speaker 7: not able to thrive and function, in an ongoing basis.
• 18:24
  Speaker 7: I mean, every couple goes through rough patches, every person
• 18:27
  Speaker 7: goes through periods of feeling down. But like, if you're
• 18:30
  Speaker 7: not able to thrive in your own life because you
• 18:34
  Speaker 7: are self sacrificing just so that another person can live,
• 18:38
  Speaker 7: I mean, we're not meant to self sacrifice to the
• 18:41
  Speaker 7: point of our own depletion. We have to be radically
• 18:44
  Speaker 7: self responsible for our own happiness and our own path
• 18:47
  Speaker 7: and our own trajectory and give that other person the
• 18:50
  Speaker 7: gift of doing that as well. Like I think that
• 18:53
  Speaker 7: we make a mistake when we say I have to
• 18:57
  Speaker 7: stay with this person because they're depressed. It can sometimes
• 19:01
  Speaker 7: be the most loving thing to allow that person to
• 19:04
  Speaker 7: be on a journey where they're not feeling guilty. Like
• 19:08
  Speaker 7: they can read the room. They can tell, oh, my
• 19:11
  Speaker 7: partner doesn't enjoy being with me or spending time with me,
• 19:13
  Speaker 7: or is feeling resentful. So I think that's the elephant
• 19:17
  Speaker 7: in the room that I want people to hear, because
• 19:19
  Speaker 7: I see that in the counseling room a lot. You know,
• 19:21
  Speaker 7: the person who has depression, they know if you're resenting them.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think another thing to point out here
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: too is you know, we're not static beings. I think
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: one of the really cool things that Priscilla outlines is
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: that her partner is willing to try new things, you know,
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: down its taking his meds, etc. And I think that's
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: kind of half the battle, Like not that we can
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: bootstrap our way out of depression, but you never know,
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: like when that certain therapy is going to make all
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: the difference for him, or adding that extra drugg to
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: his you know, regimen, whatever the case may be. You know,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: I have someone in my life who has been severely
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: depressed for years and it was like, Okay, we're going
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: to add this extra medication and therapy is going to
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: be two times a week, and it's made a huge
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: difference in how they operate in the world. So, you know,
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: you can have somebody who's like perfectly fine with their
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: mental health going along one day and then all of
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: a sudden something happens and it triggers years long depression
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: or on and off years long depression. So giving her
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: partner room to change and grow I think is huge
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: too if she feels like she can go the distance.
• 20:29
  Speaker 7: Absolutely, And I love that she mentioned all these positive
• 20:31
  Speaker 7: things about him because it sounds like this is a
• 20:34
  Speaker 7: person who is a great partner and who would eventually
• 20:37
  Speaker 7: be a great great father as well. They possess some
• 20:39
  Speaker 7: of those traits and it's a matter of figuring out
• 20:42
  Speaker 7: what works best for the two of them, and if
• 20:45
  Speaker 7: they can partner together and move forward in a way
• 20:48
  Speaker 7: that's meaningful.
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: Great.
• 20:49
  Speaker 7: If there's a way maybe for this person to navigate
• 20:53
  Speaker 7: her own anxiety around having a partner who is depressed, like,
• 20:57
  Speaker 7: that's great too. Again, I just like to bring it
• 20:59
  Speaker 7: back to individual personal responsibility, because we cannot control the
• 21:04
  Speaker 7: choices of our partner and whether they're going to continue
• 21:06
  Speaker 7: to whatever, take their medication, go to see their therapists
• 21:10
  Speaker 7: or whatever. So it really comes back to what we
• 21:12
  Speaker 7: can control, and I think that's the most powerful thing
• 21:14
  Speaker 7: any individual can do in their own life.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: Awesome, Any closing thoughts healthy, I know.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's a tricky situation.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: But I think it's difficult for people to make those
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: kinds of decisions, you know, especially when you're dealing with
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: depression and possibly suicidal thoughts and ideations. You don't know
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: how deep somebody is, so it's very tricky. Yeah, I'm
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: glad that you're here to help navigate. Courtney, thank you.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: Thank you awesome. Well, thanks again to Betterhelp for sponsoring
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: this segment, and thanks to Courtney, who's a licensed marriage
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at Betterhelp
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: for being our backup today.
• 21:53
  Speaker 7: Absolutely my pleasure.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Awesome. We'll see you next time.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Hi, Courtney.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: Bye, and we'll take a quick break, Chelsea, and we'll
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: be back to talk.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: To some callers, and we're back.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: We are back, okay.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Well.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: Our first email comes from Leanne. Leanne says, Dear Chelsea.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: I'm a thirty four year old lesbian female in South Louisiana.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: My partner and I have been together for three years.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: We have an exterior maintenance company that's very successful.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Sounds very lesbian.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: It it's great. We work together, we live together, and
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: we basically do everything together. We're both in recovery from
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: extreme drug use, so we're both on a medically assisted
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: treatment called sabasone, and this medicine really affects our sex drive,
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: so we rarely have sex. The thing is, the rare
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: sex doesn't bother either of us, and we're both very
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: happy in our relationship.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: Great.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and we honestly don't have any problems in our
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: work relationship nor our home relationship. My question is this,
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: Is it healthy that we're both happy and content and
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: very much in love even though we rarely connect intimately.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: Would love to hear an outsider's opinion. Thanks so much, Leanne.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, who gives a fuck about sex? Same? I don't
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: give a shit about sex.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I care about it when I'm in a relationship, when
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I want to have it, but when I'm not having it,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I don't even think about sex.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, first of all, welcome to being a lesbian.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I would imagine lots of lesbian relationships are sexless.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: Great lesbians are.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: A lot of heterosexual relationships.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: As well, So the only relationships that are not sexless
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: are homosexual met Okay, but no, I wouldn't worry about
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: that at all. You found your person. You have a
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: reason why you're not having sex. It's like a medical reason.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: It's much more important for you to stay sober than
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: it is for you to have sex period.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: So you're putting your priorities in order, and I applaud you.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I totally agree. I feel like ninety percent of
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: the issue that any of us have with like sex,
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: with our partner is frequency. You know, so many people
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: have this issue. He wants it more, she wants it more.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: Somebody wants it less. The fact that you're on the
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: same level is like amazing.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Go to other callers.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: You want to get on the same meds as your
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: person so that you guys are on the same wavelength.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: So Leanne, yeah, you're just fine, Leanne. Don't worry about it,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: don't overthink things exactly.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: Just enjoy your partner.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 24:20
  Speaker 7: Well.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Samantha. Samantha is calling it in today.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with something I love your input on.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: I have a friend who is having an affair with
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: one of our coworkers. Well, technically he's her superior, as
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: he's the principal and she's a teacher. She's recently divorced
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: and this affair was a huge catalyst to her divorce.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: Oh she divorced. He did not.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, oh god, this is real. Juicy Hucy is my favorite.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: Here is why this is an issue for me. Eight
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: years ago, I was in a very similar situation, had
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: an affair with a colleague that led to the end
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: of my marriage. He though did not divorce and went
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: on about life as as usual. Not to get into
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: the sort of details, but this was hugely devastating to
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: me in many ways. I see so much of myself
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: and my situation in my friend, and yes, I know
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: I'm projecting a lot onto her. However, I also know
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: these situations aren't really unique. They generally end in the
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: same way devastation for at least one, if not many.
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: It's very hard to hear about her participation in this affair,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: especially after her divorce and her now being the side
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: check to this married man. I've seen her melt into
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: an incapacitated puddle over this man. I've talked her off
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: the ledge several times and gotten her to free yourself
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: from him. But since they work together, they always end
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: up back together after daily and constant text calls and
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: in person meetings. Now they're regularly having sex at her home,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: even when her kids are home and in bed, a
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: line she said she'd never cross. She refuses to see
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: it negatively at all. I can only see the negative.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: She's my best friend and I don't want to lose her. Samantha, Hi, Hi, Samantha,
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: who how are you?
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: I'm good? Thanks, Thanks, for having me.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: I have the same feelings as you do about affairs,
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: not that I've been completely guilt free of having them
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: in my younger life. I did, but I also am
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: very judgmental about participating in that because I just feel
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: like it's such bad jiju, Like there's no reason to
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: have sex with somebody that's married when there are so
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: many other people to have sex with or have an affair.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: So I understand where you're coming from, but I don't
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: think there's anything you're going to be able to do
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: to convince your friend, ether than distancing yourself from her,
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: if that would make you feel like have a greater
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: peace of mind. I don't think there's anything you can
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: do to make somebody stop doing something that they're addicted to,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. She's in love, so that's
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: like an addiction and it's sad, but it's going to
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: have to play itself out and somebody is going to
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: get her, probably more than one person. But you know,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: if you are constantly in judgment of someone, they're going
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: to stop sharing with you.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: And maybe that's what you want. I mean, I don't
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: know what would.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: You like to see, obviously, besides the affair ending your
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: relationship with her? Does ninety percent of it take up
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: this affair? Like, is that what you're always talking about?
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean yes, when she's actively involved in it,
• 27:10
  Speaker 5: then yes it is. I would say ninety percent of
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: our conversations, our interactions are surrounded by that, whether it's
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: her personal meltdowns that she's having because of whatever has
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: recently happened, or whether it's her just being in turmoil.
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: You know over what to do, what to do, and
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: I'll give her the same guidance and she won't take it.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: And you've told her she I'm sure she understands that
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: you don't approve.
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, she understands that. And I mean part of the
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: situation is that I was also in that same situation
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: eight years ago, and so I project onto her my
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: own experience and I know how this is going to end,
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: and it's not going to be good. There is no
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: good way.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: And I think to even like make it more pointed
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: of your situation versus her is, if I'm doing my
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: math correctly, she's about the age that you were when
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: that happened to you correct exact age, yeah, yeah, yeah, And.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: So are you willing to take a step back from
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: the friendship.
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, and I have. That's the thing. Like this
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: whole school year, we've been kind of back and forth
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: between being super close when she's off, you know, and
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: I'm proud of her, I'm a cheerleader, I'm encouraging her,
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: and then the next thing, you know, I feel her
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: kind of distance and then if I call her on it,
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: well then she's upset with me.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: So it is like an addiction for her, you know,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: it's like addict behavior. Yeah, I would try to just
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: remove yourself from her. I understand you want to be
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: a good friend, and you should be, but there's no
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: reason to subject yourself to her when she's basically using
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: her drug, you know what I mean, Like, you don't
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: have to be up there for the upside downs of it,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: and when she comes crying to you. You don't have
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: to be so available to her in that way. You
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: can just say, like, listen, as a friend, this is
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: so unhealthy. I've been watching this now for however, how
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: long has it been going on for?
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: In total?
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: Two and a half years, Okay, so that's plenty of
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: time for you to have drawn your own conclusion about
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: why this is toxic. For her, And did she leave
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: her husband hoping that the principal guy would leave his wife.
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, she won't admit that, but that's exactly what happened.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Well, of course, I mean, and what's his plan not
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: to leave his wife?
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: No, I mean I think he'll continue having affairs because
• 29:15
  Speaker 5: she definitely wasn't his first one. So this is how
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: he lives his life. And he believed that he can
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: keep his marriage separate from you know, other women, and
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: that that's his mindset and belief.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: So does he know that, you know, he does?
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: The reality is there's about twenty people that know that.
• 29:31
  Speaker 6: I know.
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: I mean, who knows. You know, it's like a spider work, right, yea,
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: because she's pull multiple people. So he knows that.
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 29:37
  Speaker 5: I was there on the ground level when it began,
• 29:39
  Speaker 5: and I mean, he trust me, but he would he
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: would die if he knew that all these people.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: No, well, he's going to get caught. I mean, yeah,
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: every bet he gets caught. If twenty people know that,
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: one hundred and fifty yeah.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: Right, exactly. Probably some of the students know.
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: Probably probably.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: There was a pastor at my church when I was
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: growing up who, like everybody thought was the BEA's knees
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: and he was great. I never liked him, but he
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: wound up having an affair with one of the other
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: people at the church, and kids would come up to
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: his kids and be like, oh, is that your mommy
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: with your daddy?
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Like the kids could spot.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: It even when they were just standing next to each
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: other at a church function. Like people know, like people
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: can read between the lines, and also people talk yeah,
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: oh yes. Is there any world in which like he
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: actually has an open marriage.
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: Probably not, no, no, no, no no, because he's very
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: careful about his wife not finding out. And he would
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: also be just I mean he could be fired for sure.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: Uh yeah, yeah, for sure, he could be fired.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Part of me, I mean if I kind of want
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: to like tell on him because he deserves whatever is
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: coming his way.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: But yeah, you don't want to do that to your friend.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: You want to just I think you just want to
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: be a little bit firmer in your boundaries and explain
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: to her that this isn't a situation that you enjoy
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: watching her be a part of and compare it be
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: like it's like watching an addict go back and forth,
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: and I know that this is not going to work
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: out the way you want it, and you're not being
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: honest with yourself. You're pretty you know, delaying the rest
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: of your life. The next person that's supposed to come
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: into your life is on hold because of this of
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: this bullshit.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: And you know, people have to learn their lessons their
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: own way.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, you know, you could tell the truth as long
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: as you want, but you can only tell the truth
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: in your sense of like creating a boundary like this
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: isn't working for me anymore.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not interested in.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Picking up the pieces every time your heart gets broken
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: or you're having a meltdown. This is not a good
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: use of my time. It's starting to weigh heavily on me.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: You know, not even start it obviously has been for
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: some time, and just create boundaries with her that you're
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: not going to be social with her or hang out
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: with her while she's seeing him, and it's just not healthy.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: Here is a question that I have for you, Chelsea.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: Do you think it's like we can't have a relationship
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: or it's I love you, I want a relationship with you,
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: But you can't talk about him positive or negative, broken
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: up or together, Like you cannot talk about him with me.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean, I guess that's an option
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: for everybody. Personally.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Setting a boundary about what you're allowed to talk about
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: is not a friendship.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 32:05
  Speaker 5: I've read I tried that right.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: And it doesn't necessarily work.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Like you can't talk to me about this, It's like, well, okay,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: then we're how are we friends? I think you could say, like,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I love you, I will always be here for you,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: but not for this.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: I'm not interested in this anymore. It's been too long.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: You're not learning your lesson, and you're continuing to kind
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: of poison yourself with this man's behavior, and you're gonna
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: get caught on top of it, and then her job
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: is at risk, not only his job, but her job
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: is as well.
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, And just the reputation. You know, a female
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: processes that I think so much differently than a male,
• 32:39
  Speaker 5: and I just know that she would be crushed shattered.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Well, and people process that about the scorned woman differently
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: than they do about the guy, you know, I mean,
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: she will have a different reputation in the community. And
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: it's obviously a small enough community that like, people know
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: and people are talking.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: People do know, and they're Yeah, I'm sure they're talking.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: And also it's just karmically like for me, I'm not
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: doing anything that's going to bring back any negative karma
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: in my life.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: That was what my twenties and thirties were for.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I don't do anything that is going to be perceived
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: like you.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: Don't a want to harm another woman.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Let him go fuck someone else that is less informed,
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to. She doesn't have to
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: screw his wife over in this way, because that's essentially
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: what you're doing. It's not just him doing it. You're
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: choosing to betray his wife.
• 33:29
  Speaker 5: You don't have to.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Aid him in betraying his wife. Let him go do
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: that with someone else, you know. If he's single, gets divorced,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: then of course that's a different story. But that's not
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: the story right now, and you don't have to be
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: part of that story. And I think creating boundaries for
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: that is exactly what you should do. And don't feel
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: any guilt about it. You're doing the right thing. You
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: don't want to be exposed to it anymore.
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I appreciate that because I have had a
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: lot of guilt.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, no, you shouldn't have any guilt. Why
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: would you have guilt? What do you have guilt about?
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: Just about betraying her as a friend. You know, she's
• 34:00
  Speaker 5: been a good friend to me.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: She's like, oh, but you're not betraying her.
• 34:04
  Speaker 5: Well, I guess just not. I don't know, maybe kind
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: of taking the easier way because this is hard. It's
• 34:09
  Speaker 5: hard on me, you know.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no, you're not betraying her.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Betraying her would be telling everybody about it and outing her.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: That's a betrayal. You're not betraying her.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: By setting up boundaries, you're actually setting up a guardrail
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: to protect her and yourself.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: You don't want to know any more information.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: You don't want to have any more information in your
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: head to ever have it come up or discuss it
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: with another person. Betraying her would be telling other people
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: about it, you know what I mean.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: Betraying her. There's a million ways to betray her. This
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: is not one of them.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: You don't need to feel guilty for having a moral
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: compass in this situation.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: You know, I understand people cheat.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: All the time and they're having affairs all the time,
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: but it's your exposure to that affair that is what's important,
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Like as long as you're not part of it, you know,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: then you're not aiding and embedding something like that.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: Sometimes real consequences in our lives are what make us
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: change our behavior. And a real consequence for her that's
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: not blowing up her life, but is a real consequence.
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: Is you saying I can't be your friend again until
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: this is well and truly over, you know, when we
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: lose relationships.
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I can speak from personal experience that the consequence
• 35:13
  Speaker 5: is what will will change the behavior. So okay, well,
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: I so appreciate you ladies.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: So what are you gonna do?
• 35:21
  Speaker 7: Well?
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: I am going to stand my ground with the boundaries.
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: And I told Catherine call I actually requested a transfer
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: to a different school for other reasons, not just this.
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: I have some other personal reasons. But I'm honestly so
• 35:31
  Speaker 5: looking forward to it, like I can't wait to get
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: out of here and get out of this mess environment.
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: And if she chooses to leave, I mean she should,
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: She needs to leave more than I do.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: I'm seriously she should transfer too.
• 35:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah she should, But I made up my mind.
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: You know, I can't make her do that.
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: And honestly, this actually brings something else up for me.
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: I think it's a really good thing for you to
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: be getting out of that sort of like soup of grossness.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: I have someone in my life in my life who
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: didn't she knew about an affair. It was a coworker thing.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: It was like this person always came to her talking
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: about the affair. It literally made her physically sick, and
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: now she's dealing with the consequences of that illness. But
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: really and truly, I believe and she believes it's like
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: part of what caused her chronic illness.
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't need it, so I'm looking forward to
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: what's next.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: Well, good for you. You seem like you're solid.
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think so now eight years ago not so
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: much totally.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: Well, you know what you learn and listen, I did
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: that once when I was young, and I would never
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: ever do that again, no matter what, Like it's just
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: not worth it.
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I would never do that to myself. I'll never
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: do that to myself again because just I can't even
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: think about the anguish and like I was on the floor.
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: I mean, it's just it's shameful.
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, but no, you no better.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Well just tell her that anguish is easily available elsewhere.
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: Right, like in regular dating relationships.
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, right, Well this has been a dream come true.
• 37:04
  Speaker 5: Really truly.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: Thanks man, Okay, thanks, take care, bye bye.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Solve that, Chelsea M Well, I don't know if we
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: solved it, but I wish women just didn't do that.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: Men too many men, so many men. Why don't you
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: fuck somebody that's married?
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: He's also like by that definition, like not a good
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: one or another shitty one, but they're.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: Getting divorced for what for him? Like what?
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: Like it caused her a divorce and like still this
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: man's poor wife doesn't know. Yikes. Well, our next caller
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: is Amelia. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been dating the
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: same guy on and off for nearly two years. I
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: love him dearly, and most of me wants to stay.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: But I have a few serious reservations due to one,
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: how he's treated me in the past six months while
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: he's dealing with a health crisis, and two his seemingly selfish,
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: cheap tendencies. I just listed my condo and we talked
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: of moving in together when his lease ends, but now
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: I'm having doubts and wondering if I can tolerate the
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: way he operates for the rest of my life. Regarding
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: his above selfish cheap tendencies, here are a few anecdotal examples.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: He frequently plans social events or dates, yet more often
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: than not lets me treat or splits the bill down
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: the middle. I'll fully admit that part of it's my
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: fault for constantly offering. Mind you, he literally makes fifty
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: thousand dollars more than I do and has lower bills
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: and expenses. We live in a mountainous area and go
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: hiking or skiing most weekends, and since I have a dog,
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: he pushes to always use my car instead of his,
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: which puts wear and tear on mine. In addition to
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: not offering to chip in for gas, I've flat out
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: told him before I cannot keep up with your spending
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: and if we're going to take my car most times
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: I would appreciate if you split gas with me. He
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: will agree and then suddenly, quote unquote forget. He occasionally
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: will make a point to pay, but it does it
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: in such odd ways. We recently went to the movies together,
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: for example, and his contribution was to venmomy for both
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: of our water bottles. I'm not sure how to approach
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: this topic with him, or if I should throw in
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: the towel, as generosity in a relationship is a deal
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: breaker for me. I'm overly generous, forgiving and patient, yet
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: I have to plainly and repeatedly ask him to contribute
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: financially and in other ways in the relationship while I
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: love him dearly. This, coupled with his constant excuses of
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: his recent health crisis, is getting old help Amelia.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: Hi, Amelia, Hey, how's it going?
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: Hi God, how are you good?
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: Thank you?
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: So can you tell us a little bit about what's
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: the health crisis?
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: You didn't?
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: You mentioned it, but didn't really expound on that.
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he's been dealing with a series of neurological I
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: don't know that I want to go too much into
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: detail just for the sake the constant headaches, fatigue, trouble sleeping, focusing,
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: mood swings.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: Except so that has nothing to do with him being cheap.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I would say, if I honestly, I have
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: a real problem with paucity or thenuriousness, which is a
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: two words for being very cheap. I feel like it
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: is much more than a money thing. It is a
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: personality thing, and it is tight holding onto everything for yourself.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: All the examples you've listed made my skin crawl. I
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: find that irredeemable, you know what I mean? I just
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: I can't to express enough that cheapness is just not
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: about money. It's just about what you are willing to
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: give of yourself, your generosity of spirit, your generosity of attention.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: And because you're always always preoccupied with saving money, that
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: is your number one you know thing in your mind
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: is like, how do I get away without paying this?
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: How do I trick her into driving? And then I
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: send her money for a fucking bottle of water on venmo?
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, please getting married and space in your life
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: with somebody. There are going to be so many hurdles
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: that you're gonna have to cross, and there are going
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: to be ups and downs throughout a lifetime. Naturally, you
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: don't even want to deal with the money aspect of
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: this shit, you know. You want somebody who's like minded,
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: who's like, oh, yeah, let's split it evenly or or yeah,
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: and maybe it is your fault for offering it up
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: too much, but who cares. He shouldn't have accepted that
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: all the time, he makes more money than you, and
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: you're in a relationship.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it. People want to be fifty to fifty,
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: but not down to the tea like that.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: It's icky to the penny, it's not attractive, and they're
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: gonna not be attracted to him after a while if
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: you already you know, I mean, I'm sure I can't
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: imagine it not having an impact on your sex life already.
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And to be clear, he's phenomenal, he's a great person,
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: but there's only so many.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: Times better be Yeah, with that fucking quality.
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: I mean, there's only just so many times. And it
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: just kind of makes me feel ick to have to ask, right,
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: like please sir?
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: You know, yeah, I very much agree. I'm in the
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: same boat with Elsie. If there were a fix for this,
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: I wonder first questions. First, if you guys are going
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: to move in together and you are actually thinking about
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: spending more of your life with this person, is there
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: a world in which you'd combine finances, because it kind
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: of would negate the entire thing.
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: Well, I think he's I should have probably added this.
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: I'm pretty ambivalent when it comes to getting married and
• 42:21
  Speaker 4: having kids. He's pretty set it on not so I
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: can't imagine that he would be open to being on
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: the mortgage with me or something like that, So that
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: would probably be a no. I haven't asked that question though, yet.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I just I think you know the answer
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: to this question.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: But when you wrote in, I think you're already on
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: your way out, and I think I encourage that exit.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you do allude to like there are
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: other ways he's stingy more than just money, and like
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: just money is pretty big and pretty icky. It may
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: help you could try it for a few weeks to
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: be like, okay, time for you to get out and
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: pump and pay for gas, like just being very direct
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: about it, which I find sometimes helps when I've been like, hey,
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: could you Sometimes you just got to be like, here
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: you go. I'm gonna sit in the car while you
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: pump and pay or whatever the case may be. But
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: it does feel like this is emblematic of bigger things
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: in the relationship, right Amelia.
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I don't think that anything's ever going
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: to be like fifty to fifty of the time, but
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: it doesn't. It shouldn't be like ninety ten ninety percent
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: of the time.
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: Oh for sure, for sure it should not.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: And why have you guys broken up, you said on
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: and off for two years, Like what were the issues
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: that broke you up?
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: I think that he will not have anything that inconveniences him.
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: He doesn't have a history I think of long committed
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: relationships from what I've been told, so various reasons, but
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: they actually weren't related to money.
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: Okay, Smurprisingly, I think if you needed a last ditch,
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: if you guys weren't going to combine finances like when
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: you move in together, if you move in together and
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: get to that point for other people who might be
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: having maybe a lesser version of this, you could always
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: have a combined slush fund of like here is how
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: much you contribute, how much I contribute, And since you
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: point out the disparity and how much you guys make,
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: it should be a percentage of what each of you make,
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: so that it's even in a way that's not like
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: monetarily the same dollar amount.
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: Now that makes sense, and I think that's more than fair.
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: So yeah, I think that's a great yea.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: Cool Okay, And you know where I stand?
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I did.
• 44:22
  Speaker 5: You've made it pretty clear, so.
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: Okay, all right, let us know how it goes. Well,
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: Thank you, all right, thanks so much, hebe.
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: It reminds me of I remember my friend dated this
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: guy and he was always I mean, at the minute
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: I met him, I was like, is he cheap or what?
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: Because he's so and.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: You know how I am with money, I don't give
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: a shit, yeah at all. And I was like this
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: when I had no money, which is why you get money.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: It's true.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Tighter you hold onto money, the easier it is to lose.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: Yes, the less you hold onto money, the more comes
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: your way. That is a fucking of life.
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: I fully believe that. The more you're just like, oh, money,
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: isn't this like big cloud over my head, It's it's
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: in and out, it's always moving around. That is what
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: helps it flow through you.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: What I wanted to say is the more tight your
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: grip is, the more you tighten your grip, the more
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: likely you are to lose something and someone to and
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: someone exactly. When you cannot control your emotions or your
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: feelings towards something, that is a bad sign. My friend
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: had this guy and I remember him bringing groceries over
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: and she was cooking or I don't remember. I definitely wasn't,
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: and she was.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: He was literally looking at he had like a six
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: pack of beer that he had brought over and I
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: went to grab a beer.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: She went to grab a beer, and he's like, we
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: only have four left.
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: And it's like wait, wait, wait, wait, you just brought
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: a fucking beers over.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: What is the what did you want to happen?
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Nobody to take any And if you're sitting there counting
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: that and you're counting money, how are you present?
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: Why are you present when you're preoccupied with saving?
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah? And how are you enjoyable to be around? Also,
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: like when you have an open hand, it just it
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: fills you up in a way that you can't even explain.
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: It's not tangible, but it also is tangible, you know,
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: like you see it come into your life. People are
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: generous with you when you're generous with them.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: It's more of an energetic thing, you know.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: And I guess people who aren't consumed or you know,
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: don't care about that. They don't care about energy or
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: karma or whatever. They think of it as concrete money
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: that they have that is going missing and that they're
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: losing this when they spend this. And it's one thing
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: to want to save money, but it's one thing to
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: hold onto something that's going to go away anyway, like
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: fucking food or beer or you know, tangible items like
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: all of it is just it's not important enough to
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: get upset about and to obsess over. So I have
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: a brother who's very, very cheap, and it's a big
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: turn off. M It'll fly to let's say California from Jersey,
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: but he'll stop over in Atlanta and perhaps Texas in
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: order to save money to get to La. I'm like,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: why not go to Guatemala, you fucking moron. Why don't
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: you have LA over there?
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: There is like a mental and emotional toll that that
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: also takes.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: I remember the first time I was in with my
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: brother Glenn. I was in a hotel room. We were dating,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: and I went into the mini bar to grab something.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: Goes don't take anything out of there, it's too expensive.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: And I looked at him and was like, if you
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: think that I'm going to live a life where I
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: don't get to eat or drink shit out of the
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: mini bar, then you're fucking out of your tree. Like
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: I am going to take out of the minibar and
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: then you're gonna pay for it.
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: Sorry, Glenn, No, that is sort of a mental shift
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: that I mean, I had to make at one point
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: from being like, oh my gosh, I don't have any
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: money whatever and being like, wait, no, I do need
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: a drink of water, and it's worth seven dollars to
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: have this drink of water.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, I was broke for many years when
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: I moved to LA I moved here when I was
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: in iteen years old, and I waited tables and I
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: barely scraped by and I didn't have money, but I
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: had credit cards and I used them not sparingly. I
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: use them all the time. I mean I acted like
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: a hot shot when I wasn't a hot shot. I
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: take all my friends out to dinner all the time.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: I racked up like thirty sixty grand worth of debt,
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: and I watched all my friends do the same thing,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: not to the degree that I did. But you know,
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: file bankruptcy like girls were filing bankruptcy because back then
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: you could, I guess that's probably the same now. I
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: haven't had to contemplate that in recent years. But you
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: could just get new credit cards, like a week after
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: you filed bankruptcy, so you started it all again. They
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: expunge your whole previous record and you get to start
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: a new and I never did that because I was like,
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: that's so dishonest.
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: I know I'll make the money to pay back. I
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: know I'm going to make money.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: And sure enough I did, and I was able to
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: pay back all of that debt in a matter of
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: probably months once I started, you know, really like hitting
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: it and making real money. And it felt so good.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: It felt good to pay off my debt. It felt
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: good to not be in debt. And so I understand
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: like the notion of stressing out about you know, you
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: have a lot of debt to pay, and that's one thing.
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: And so I don't want people to get confused about
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: being broken being cheap, you know what I mean, Yes,
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: you can be broke, and you can also not be cheap.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: You can just be like you have to have confidence
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: in your ability to be able to earn that money
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: at some point in your life and pay your bills
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: and also not to hoard things.
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for yourself. I mean, it's not it's not even
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: like about how much you have. It's about your willingness
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: to share what you do have. Yeah, like that, I think,
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: you know, especially traveling, like that's what you see in
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: so many other cultures like here, we're very about you know,
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: keeping up with the Jones is. Here's what I have,
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: here's my benchmarks. But like in so many other cultures,
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: when you travel like people who have so much less
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: than you are so willing to give everything they have,
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: you know, come stay with me, come have a meal
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: in my home. Whatever, And that's what it's about about
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: being open handed.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: With what Oh, I have a really moving story. This
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: is kind of like me patting myself on the back,
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: but fucking who cares. I always like to leave a
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: tip in the in the hotel room for the chambermaid
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: or the cleaning lady, whatever the you know.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: Whatever they prefer to be called.
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: I think chambermaid is from the seventeen hundred, so probably
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: cleaning ladies more apt are appropriate.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm from Canada. Now sorry did you
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: hear that? It flipped? It slipped out? My my Canadians
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: are having such a big influence on me.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I want to say so, I always leave money,
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: and when I'm in really small towns that I think
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: people are suffering, I leave more money. And obviously I
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: don't have any financial issues. Now I have a healthy
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: financial situation going on.
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: So when I'm in a.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: Small town or a worse town, I'm like, oh, I
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: should just give more money because these people are even
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: more they need it more, right, right, So over one
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: weekend when I was on tour, we were in Grand Rapids, Michigan,
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: and I just thought, you know what, fuck it, I'm
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: going to leave. I had a hundred on me. I said,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to leave a hundred. This is a
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: nice thing to do instead of going down breaking change
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: that I don't need. So I left one hundred dollars,
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: walked out of the room and I was sitting there
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: waiting at the elevator, and the cleaning lady ran up
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: to me with tears in her eyes and hugged me
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: and said, thank you so much. You just made my
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: entire month. And I was like, no, you just made mine.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: You know, because you don't know how you're helping people.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: So if you are in a position where you do
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: have money, please be generous with these people like we are.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: You know, with inflation and everything that's going on, Like
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: twenty dollars isn't what it used to be right now,
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: it's not, and you have to make sure you're thinking
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: of all these people when you're in a position to
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: think of them. I know, if you're broke and you
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: don't have twenty dollars to leave housekeeper that when you're
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: staying in hotel, I get it.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: You don't have to leave twenty dollars, but leave whatever
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: you can.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: If you can leave something, you know, you're impacting and
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: then you're causing this beautiful ripple effect of goodness wherever
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: you go. You know, you leave it around, and the
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: more you have, the more you should share.
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, it goes back to you know, what we were
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: saying on the season finale. You know, my dad's saying
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: is always you're blessed to be a blessing. And when
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: you have blessings, whether that's financial or spiritual or mental
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: health or whatever, it is, good things bubbling up in
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: your life. Passed them along. Yeah. Yeah, Well, our last
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: caller today is Katie and this actually goes right with
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: what we're saying. So this is this is perfect. You're Chelsea.
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: I'm a woman in my mid thirties who crafted an
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: amazing career and can provide for my super hilarious family
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: of four five if you count our loving doggo When
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: the pandemic hit, my husband lost his primary income. He
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: was an independent contractor for a travel company that was
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: devastated by lockdowns. There wasn't any time to panic when
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: our financial situation changed. We kept our heads down, figured
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: out a plan, and pushed through it. He and I
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: always find a way to make opportunities out of disasters.
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: He's the hardest working guy I've ever known. I have
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: a full time job in the tech industry and an
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: academic side hustle. Sometimes it feels like both have taken
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: off almost faster than I can keep up with. I
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: went from being a stay at home mom and part
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: time psychology student to a formidable breadwinner, and ultimately I'm
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: happy that things have turned out this way. My husband
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: went back to school to become a lawyer, and I
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: was able to pay his tuition. He's finishing his law
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: degree this semester and has already secured a contract at
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: the top rated law firm in his field. Here's the thing.
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: We've grown accustomed to not telling others about our accomplishments
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: throughout this process, as we continued to level up and
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: our hard work started to pay off. Anytime we shared
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: some details about ourselves, like getting promotions, buying a new house,
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: giving speeches, et ce. Some friends and family would remain quiet,
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: say very few words or past sarcastic remarks. For example,
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: when Hubby got into law school, some people from our
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: inner circle said, oh okay, and that was the extent
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: of their feedback. I'm the kind of person who will
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: shout from the rooftops on behalf of my friends and family.
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: Although not everyone is a hype girl, A big part
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: of me was at a more congratulatory reception. Don't get
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: me wrong. There were so many people who've been supportive
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: of us, and I understand the three years in lockdown
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: knock the wind out of everybody's sales, so it might
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: be hard to rejoice on behalf of someone while you're struggling.
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: I totally get it. Somehow, hitting massive milestones without the
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: support of people who intimately know your journey feels different.
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this matter. As we
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: grow our personal wealth, succeed in our careers, and elevate
• 54:24
  Speaker 3: to a new status or whatever, is there an inherent
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: isolation that comes with advancement. Best Katie hiy, Katie Hi,
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: How are you good?
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: How are you doing.
• 54:36
  Speaker 5: I'm doing well.
• 54:37
  Speaker 6: I'm very happy to be here with you and Hi
• 54:39
  Speaker 6: gun conference.
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: Hi.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: Well, what I would say first and foremost is that
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: your success and your milestones and all of the hard
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: work you guys have put into everything isn't contigent upon
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: other people's reactions. Mike, I understand what you're saying.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: I've been there.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: I've had people been very close friends in my life
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: not be happy for major accomplishments that I've had. And
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: that's just there's really nothing you're going to be able
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: to do about that, going from person to person and
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: being like, why aren't you happy for me?
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: Are you jealous?
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: Are you upset with your own You have to be
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: doing all of these things for you, which you are,
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: and looking for outside confirmation is going to be a
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: losing battle. You just can't depend or to be disappointed
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: in that, and you and and maybe it's a lesson
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: for you to maybe not maybe your accomplishments are supposed
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: to be celebrated between you and your husband. Look what
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: you guys did accomplish like it's fucking badass, that's incredible,
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: what you've done, that you supported him and were able
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: to do that for him, after him working so hard
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: for so long and then changing his career trajectory, and
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: now he's already got a job, so he's going to
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: actually be able to, like, you know, return the favor
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: to you if and when that's necessary, And like, there's
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: already so much goodness. Don't look outside for confirmation and
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: affirmation that comes from within. And the better you get
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: at that by celebrating each other with each other, the
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: less interested you're going to be. And what other people
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: think about.
• 56:04
  Speaker 5: It, Yeah, thank you.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: I'll say this.
• 56:06
  Speaker 6: I wasn't really seeking validation from anyone. I was just
• 56:10
  Speaker 6: kind of sharing news when people were asking, hey, like
• 56:12
  Speaker 6: what's going on?
• 56:12
  Speaker 5: How long are you?
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 56:14
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And I would, you know, share something positive kind
• 56:17
  Speaker 6: of in this newer realm of career for me because
• 56:20
  Speaker 6: before my career took off, I was the adventurous one
• 56:24
  Speaker 6: who always got in trouble. So I'm kind of also
• 56:27
  Speaker 6: wondering maybe I was typecast in a way as like
• 56:30
  Speaker 6: that kind of crazy, fun girl and then I became
• 56:35
  Speaker 6: quite serious. So I don't know if maybe that's a factor,
• 56:38
  Speaker 6: but you're right, I definitely don't need to seek approval
• 56:41
  Speaker 6: from anyone else.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: Oh and who knows what's going on with other people.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: Maybe other people feel like you're bragging, or maybe other
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: people feel bit shitty about what's going on in their
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: own lives and they don't have room to celebrate you
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: because they're struggling with something that you don't know about.
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: You know, like this is good stuff, You've got good
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: vibes going. Don't let other people rate on that parade, period,
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: and don't shove it in people's faces necessarily, especially if
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: their feedback hasn't been what you had wanted it to
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: be or hoped it would be. Maybe there is something
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: going on with that person. Maybe you want to check
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: in with them about what's going on with them. And
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: you know, before you kind of advertise your good news,
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: I'll never forget.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: This is a perfect example.
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: I was waiting tables and I got signed with this
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: management firm when I was in my early twenties or
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: mid twenties, and I walked into this restaurant I used
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: to work at called Chiavannas, and there was a morning
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: meeting and everyone at the restaurant is trying to be
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: an actor or an actress or a writer or whatever.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: And I walked in and I was so excited that
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: I got representation, Like I was like, I just got
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: represented by the same people who represent you know, I
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: don't know who it was at the time, probably TYR
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: Banks or something.
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, that's my new manager.
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: And the whole table just looked at me like no
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: one gives a shit, like we're all fucking struggling here
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: and you're coming in here like you know, you're the
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: king of the you know, the queen of the thing.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: And I was like it was a lesson for me, like,
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: don't spread your good news where it's not you know
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Like.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: Know your audience too.
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you gotta read the room.
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: And when you're in a one on one with a
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: close personal friend like or a relative like, then that's
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: the moment to be like, oh my god, I'm feeling
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: so great about everything we've done. But just be careful
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: about spreading good news because you don't want you don't
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: want other people kind of reigning on your parade, even
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: in their private moments. You know what if they're like, oh,
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: she's so full of herself. She thinks she's accomplished this,
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: and or she used to be so much fun and
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: now she's so serious, Like all of that is just noise.
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. What you're doing matters.
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: Your relationship with your husband matters, and what you've done
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: and cultivated is beautiful and that's all you need to know.
• 58:38
  Speaker 6: No, thank you, And you're right. I think I am
• 58:40
  Speaker 6: just going to be kind of selective, you know, about
• 58:43
  Speaker 6: what I do and don't share, And that's fine. I
• 58:45
  Speaker 6: don't want to come off as braggadosius anyway, that's not
• 58:48
  Speaker 6: that's not my goal.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: No, not at all.
• 58:50
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I think you know, there's room to talk
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: about what's going on in your life. Like I had
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: a friend like this who you know, when I, I
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: or anybody else in our friend group would like talk
• 58:59
  Speaker 3: about any sort of career successes, she would sort of
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: like smile through her teeth. I'd be like, that's so
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: great for you, but you could tell she was very
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: upset by it. And she has become a person like
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: because other things outside of career have improved in her life. Now,
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: she's like genuinely can like spill over with happiness whenever
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: anyone talks about something good that's happening for them. So
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: you just you know, you never know what's going on
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: for them, but like, I think it's okay to talk
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: about what's going on in your life and if it's
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: received with some lukewarm emotions, move on.
• 59:29
  Speaker 6: All right, excellent, Thank you both. That's It's kind of
• 59:32
  Speaker 6: what I was hoping to hear.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: So thank you, good well, congrats on everything. We're happy
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: for you.
• 59:37
  Speaker 6: Thank you, thank you so much.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: Thanks Katie, bye.
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: Ladies, Bye well Chelsea, what a fun episode we had today?
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, lots of lots of money.
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: Stuffs, cheap cheap stuff, cheap stuff.
• 59:52
  Speaker 5: Cheap stuff.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: Wow, Juliana Marghilly's just texted me. We have to put
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: her back on the new season.
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: Won't be the same without her.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: She's not texting me about that, but she's texting me,
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: and it reminded me we have to use her for
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: every season because.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 3: She's a she is a fan favorite. I still get
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: emails all the time about like, when are you having
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: Juliana back on? So we'll have to have her post haste. Chelsea,
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: do you have any tour dates or anything else that's
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: coming up that you talk about.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, I have all sorts of shows on sale now,
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: you guys, I'm coming to the Kennedy Center in Washington,
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: d C. Check Chelseahandler dot com and Yeah, New York, La,
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: San Francisco, all the good ones you guys. They're all
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: on sale and we're adding shows, so if your city
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: sold out, look again.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 3: Courtney Cope's input is general psychological information based on research
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 3: and clinical experience. It's intended to be general and informational
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 3: in nature. It does not represent or indicate an established
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: clinical or professional relationship with those inquiring for guidance. Courtney's
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: feedback is in response to a written question, and therefore
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 3: there are likely unknown considerations given the limited context. Also,
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: just because you might hear something on the show that
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: sounds similar to what you're experiencing, beware of self diagnosis.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: Diagnosis is not required to find relief, and you'll want
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: to find a qualified professional to assess and explore diagnoses
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: if that's important to you. If you are your partner
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 3: or in crisis and uncertain of whether you can maintain safety,
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: reach out for support like crisis hotlines and local authorities
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: have a safety plan that can be done with a
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: therapist too. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: an email at Dear Chelsea, podcast at gmail dot com
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 3: and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: Law and be sure to check out our merch at
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: Chelseahandler dot com