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The Dream Chapter the Fifth - Fanny Discovers Herself Parts 4 to 6 · The H. G. Wells Library

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Speaker 1: Section fourteen of The Dream, a Novel. This is a
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Speaker 1: LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
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Speaker 1: For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
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Speaker 1: Recording by Timbrey Schaeffer. The Dream, a Novel by H. G. Wells.
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Speaker 1: Chapter the fifth Fanny discovers herself, parts four to six.
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Speaker 1: Part four. It was Matilda who read that letter, my
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Speaker 1: mother's aversion, for it was all too evident. I can
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Speaker 1: still remember Matilda's large red face thrust forward over the
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Speaker 1: supper things, and a little on one side so as
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Speaker 1: to bring the eye she was using into focus and
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Speaker 1: get the best light from the feeble little gas bracket.
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Speaker 1: Beside her was Prue with a slack, curious face and
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Speaker 1: a restive glance that went ever and again to my
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Speaker 1: mother's face as a bandsman watches the conductor's baton. My
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Speaker 1: mother sat back with a defensive expression on her way
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Speaker 1: white face, and ernest was posed wide and large in
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Speaker 1: a noncommittal attitude, ostentatiously unable to make ed ortail of
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Speaker 1: the affair. Let's see, said Matilda, and took a preliminary
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Speaker 1: survey of the task before her. My dear Ernie, she says,
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Speaker 1: My dear Ernie, it was wonderful seeing you again. I
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Speaker 1: could hardly believe it was you, even after mister mister
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Speaker 1: She's written it and thought better of it and scratched
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Speaker 1: it out again. Mister somebody, mister Blank had asked your name.
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Speaker 1: I was beginning to fear I'd lost you all. Where
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Speaker 1: are you living and how are you getting on? You know?
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Speaker 1: I went to France and Italy for a holiday, lovely
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Speaker 1: lovely places, and when I came back, I slipped off
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Speaker 1: at Cliffstone because I wanted to see you all again
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Speaker 1: and couldn't bear leaving you as I had done without
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Speaker 1: a word. She should have thought of that before, said
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Speaker 1: my mother. She told me missus Bradley did about poor
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Speaker 1: father's accident and death. The first I heard of it.
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Speaker 1: I went to his grave in the cemetery and had
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Speaker 1: a good cry. I couldn't help it, poor old daddy.
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Speaker 1: It was a cruel hard luck getting killed as he did.
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Speaker 1: I put a lot of flowers on his grave and
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Speaker 1: arranged with Ropes the nursery man about having the grass
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Speaker 1: cut regularly, And him said my mother lying there. He'd
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Speaker 1: have rather seen her lying dead at his feet, he said,
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Speaker 1: than ever the fallen woman she was, and she putting
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Speaker 1: flowers over him enough to make him turn in his grave.
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Speaker 1: But very likely he's come to think differently now, Martha,
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Speaker 1: said Matilda soothingly. There's no knowing, really, Martha. Perhaps in
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Speaker 1: heaven they aren't so anxious to see people dead at
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Speaker 1: their feet. Perhaps they get sort of kind up there.
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Speaker 1: Let me see where was I? Ah, grass cut regularly.
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Speaker 1: Nobody knew where Mother and the rest of you were.
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Speaker 1: Nobody had an address. I went on to London, very much, miserable,
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Speaker 1: hating to have lost you. Missus. Birch said that Mother
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Speaker 1: and Prue and Morty had gone to London to friends,
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Speaker 1: but where she didn't know. And then behold, after nearly
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Speaker 1: two years, you bob up again. It's too good to
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Speaker 1: be true. Where are the others? Is Morty getting educated?
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Speaker 1: Prue must be quite grown up. I would love to
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Speaker 1: see them again and help them if I can. Dear Ernie,
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Speaker 1: I do want you to tell Mother and all of
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Speaker 1: them that I am quite safe and happy. I am
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Speaker 1: being helped by a friend, the one you saw. I'm
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Speaker 1: not a bit fast or bad. I lead a very
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Speaker 1: quiet life. I have my tiny little flat here, and
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Speaker 1: I read a lot and get educated. I work quite hard.
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Speaker 1: I've passed an examination, Ernie, a university examination. I've learned
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Speaker 1: a lot of French and Italian and some German. And
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Speaker 1: about music. I've got a pianola, and I'd love to
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Speaker 1: play it to you or Morti. He was always the
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Speaker 1: one for music. Often and often I think of you.
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Speaker 1: Tell mother show her this letter and let me know
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Speaker 1: soon about you all, And don't think unkind things of me.
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Speaker 1: Remember the good times we had, Ernie, when we dressed
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Speaker 1: up at Christmas and father didn't know us in the shop,
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Speaker 1: And how you made me a doll's house for my birthday. Oh,
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Speaker 1: and cheese pies, Ernie, cheese pies. What were cheese pies?
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Speaker 1: Asked Matilda. I was a sort of silly game we
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Speaker 1: had passing people. I forget exactly, but it used to
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Speaker 1: make us laugh regular roll about we did. Then she
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Speaker 1: gets back to you, Morty, said Matilda. I'd love to
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Speaker 1: help Morty if he still wants to be educated, I
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Speaker 1: could now, I could help him a lot. I suppose
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Speaker 1: he's not a boy any longer. Perhaps he's getting educated himself.
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Speaker 1: Give him my love, Give mother my love, and tell
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Speaker 1: her to not think too badly of me, Fanny. Fanny
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Speaker 1: bossed address on her note paper. That's all. Matilda dropped
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Speaker 1: the letter on the table. Well, she said, in a
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Speaker 1: voice that challenged, my mother. Seems to me that the
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Speaker 1: young woman has struck one of the right sort, the
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Speaker 1: one straight man in ten thousand, seems to have taken
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Speaker 1: care of her, almost more than an ordinary husband might
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Speaker 1: have done. What are you going to do about it, Martha?
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Speaker 1: Matilda collected herself slowly from the table and leaned back
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Speaker 1: in her chair, regarding my mother with an expression of
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Speaker 1: faintly malevolent irony. Part five. I turned from Matilda's quizzical
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Speaker 1: face to my mother's drawn intentness. Say what do you like, Matilda?
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Speaker 1: That girl is living in sin. Even that isn't absolutely proved,
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Speaker 1: said Matilda. Why should he? My mother began and stopped.
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Speaker 1: There's such things as feats of generosity, said Matilda. Still no,
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Speaker 1: said my mother. We don't want her help. I'd be
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Speaker 1: ashamed to take it while she lives with that man.
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Speaker 1: Apparently she doesn't. But go on, stainted money, said my mother.
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Speaker 1: It's money she has from him. It's the money of
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Speaker 1: a kepwoman. Her anger kindled, I'd sooner die than touch
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Speaker 1: her money. Her sense of the situation found form and expression.
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Speaker 1: She leaves her own, She breaks her father's heart, kills
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Speaker 1: him she does. He was never the same man after
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Speaker 1: she'd gone, never the same. She goes off to shamelessness
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Speaker 1: and luxury. She makes her own brother drive her about
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Speaker 1: to her shame hardly makes protested Matilda. How was he
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Speaker 1: to avoid it? And then she writes this, this letter impudent.
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Speaker 1: I call it impudent without a word of repentance, not
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Speaker 1: a single word of repentance does she have the decency
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Speaker 1: to say She's ashamed of herself? Not a word own.
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Speaker 1: She's still living with a fancy man and means to
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Speaker 1: go on doing it. Glory's in it, and offers us
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Speaker 1: her kind assistance us what she's disgraced and shamed? Who
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Speaker 1: was it that made us leave Cherry Gardens to eye
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Speaker 1: our heads from the neighbors in London? Er? And now
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Speaker 1: she's to come here in her Molti car and come
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Speaker 1: dancing down these steps, all dressed up and painted, to
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Speaker 1: say a kind word to her poor mother? Haven't we
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Speaker 1: suffered enough about her? Without her comin ere to shore
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Speaker 1: herself off at us. It's topsy turvy. Why if she
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Speaker 1: come here at all, which I doubt if she comes
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Speaker 1: here at all, she ought to come in sackcloth and
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Speaker 1: ashes and on her bended knees. She won't do that, Martha,
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Speaker 1: said Matilda. Good, then let her keep away. We don't
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Speaker 1: want the disgrace of her. She's chosen her path and
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Speaker 1: let her abide by it. But here to come here?
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Speaker 1: How are you going to explain it? I'd explain it
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Speaker 1: all right, said Matilda, unheeded. How am I going to
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Speaker 1: explain it? And here's Prue. Here's this mister Pettigrew. She's
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Speaker 1: met at the week day evening social and wants to
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Speaker 1: bring to tea. I's she going to explain her fine
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Speaker 1: lady sister to him? Kepwoman, Yes, Matilda, I say it.
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Speaker 1: It's the name for it. That's what she is. A
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Speaker 1: cap woman. Nice thing to tell, mister Pettigrew. Here's my sister,
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Speaker 1: the capwoman. He'd be off in a jiffy shocked. He'd
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Speaker 1: be out of his seven senses. I would Prue ever
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Speaker 1: have the face to go to the week day evening
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Speaker 1: social again after a show up like that? And Ernie
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Speaker 1: what's he going to say about it to the other
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Speaker 1: chaps at the garage when they throw it up at
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Speaker 1: him that his sister's a kepwoman. Don't you worry about that,
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Speaker 1: Mother said ernest, gently but firmly. There's nobody ever throws
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Speaker 1: anything up against me at the garage anyhow, and there
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Speaker 1: won't be nohow not unless he wants to swallow his teeth. Well,
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Speaker 1: there's Harry. He goes to his classes, and what if
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Speaker 1: some one gets old of it? There is sister, a kepwoman.
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Speaker 1: They'd hardly let him go on working after such a disgrace. Oh,
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Speaker 1: i'd soon. I began following in my brother's wake, but
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Speaker 1: Matilda stopped me with a gesture. Her gesture swept round
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Speaker 1: and held my mother, who was indeed drawing near the
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Speaker 1: end of what she had to say. I can see, Martha,
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Speaker 1: said Matilda, just how you feel about Fanny. I suppose
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Speaker 1: it's all natural. Of course, this letter. She picked up
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Speaker 1: the letter. She pursed her great mouth and waggled her
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Speaker 1: clumsy head slowly from side to side. For the life
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Speaker 1: of me, I can't believe the girl who wrote this
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Speaker 1: is a bad hearted girl. She said, you're bitter with her. Martha,
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Speaker 1: you're bitter after all, I began, but Matilda's hand stopped
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Speaker 1: me again. Bitter, cried my mother. I nor she can
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Speaker 1: put on that instant air just as though nothing had happened,
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Speaker 1: and try to make you feel in the wrong. Matilda
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Speaker 1: ceased to waggle and began to nod. I see, she said,
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Speaker 1: I see. But why should Fanny take the trouble to
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Speaker 1: write this letter if she hadn't a real sort of
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Speaker 1: affection for you all, as though she need have bothered
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Speaker 1: herself about the lot of you. You're no sort of
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Speaker 1: help to her. There's kindness in this letter, Martha, and
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Speaker 1: something more than kindness. Are you going to throw it
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Speaker 1: back at her? Her and her offers of help, even
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Speaker 1: if she doesn't crawl and repent as she ought to do.
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Speaker 1: Won't you even answer her letter? I won't be drawn
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Speaker 1: into a correspondence with her, said my mother. No, so
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Speaker 1: long as she's a kept woman, she's no daughter of mine.
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Speaker 1: I wash my hands of her. And as for her help, help, indeed,
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Speaker 1: it's umbug. If she'd wanted help us, she could have
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Speaker 1: married mister Crosbie, as fair and honest a man as
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Speaker 1: any woman could wish for. So that's that, said Matilda
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Speaker 1: Good concluded abruptly, she swiveled her great head round to Ernest,
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Speaker 1: And what are you going to do? Ernie? Are you
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Speaker 1: for turning down Fanny and letting the cheese pies just
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Speaker 1: drop into the mud of oblivium, as the saying goes,
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Speaker 1: and be forgotten for ever and ever and ever. Ernest
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Speaker 1: sat back, put his hands in his trousers pocket, and
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Speaker 1: remained thoughtful for some moments. It's orkard, he said. Matilda
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Speaker 1: offered him no assistance. There's my young lady to consider,
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Speaker 1: said Ernest, and flushed an extreme scarlet. My mother turned
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Speaker 1: her head sharply and looked at him. Ernest, with a
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Speaker 1: stony expression, did not look at my mother. Oh oh,
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Speaker 1: said Matilda. Here's something new. And who may your young
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Speaker 1: lady be? Ernie? Well, I hadn't proposed to discuss her
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Speaker 1: ear just yet, so never mind what her name is.
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Speaker 1: She's got a little millinery business. I'll say that for
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Speaker 1: her and a cleverer, nicer girl ill never lived. We
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Speaker 1: met at a little dance. Nothing isn't fixed up yet
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Speaker 1: beyond a sort of engagement. There's been presents given her,
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Speaker 1: a ring and so forth. But naturally I've never told
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Speaker 1: her anything about Fanny. I haven't discussed family affairs with
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Speaker 1: her much. Not so far knows we were in business
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Speaker 1: of some sort and had losses, and father died of
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Speaker 1: an accident. That's about all. But Fanny. Fanny's certainly going
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Speaker 1: to be awkward to explain. Not that I want to
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Speaker 1: be hard on Fanny, I see, said Matilda. She glanced
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Speaker 1: a mute interrogation at Prue and found her answer in
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Speaker 1: Prue's face. Then she picked up the letter again and
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Speaker 1: read very distinctly one hundred and two Brantismore Gardens Earl's Court.
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Speaker 1: She read this address slowly, as though she wanted to
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Speaker 1: print it on her memory top. Flat you said, it was, Ernie.
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Speaker 1: She turned to me, And what are you going to do,
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Speaker 1: Harry about all this? I want to see Fanny for myself,
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Speaker 1: I said. I don't believe, Harry said my mother. Now
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Speaker 1: once for all, I forbid you to go nearer. I
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Speaker 1: won't have you corrupted. Don't forbid him, Martha said Matilda.
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Speaker 1: It's no use forbidding him, because he will. Any boy
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Speaker 1: with any heart and spunk in him would go and
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Speaker 1: see her. After that letter. One hundred and two Brandismore
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Speaker 1: Garden's Earl's Court. She was very clear with the address.
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Speaker 1: It's not very far from here. I forbid you to
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Speaker 1: go nearer, ary, my mother reiterated, and then, realizing too
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Speaker 1: late to the full importance of Fanny's letter, she picked
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Speaker 1: it up. I won't have this answered. I'll burn it
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Speaker 1: as it deserves and forget about it, banish it from
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Speaker 1: my mind. There and then my mother stood up, and,
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Speaker 1: making a curious noise in her throat, like the strangulation
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Speaker 1: of a sob, she put Fanny's letter into the fire
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Speaker 1: and took the poker to thrust it into the glow
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Speaker 1: and make it burn. We all stared insights as the
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Speaker 1: letter curled up and darkened, burst into a swift flame,
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Speaker 1: and became in an instant, a writhing, agonized, crackling black cinder.
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Speaker 1: Then she sat down again, remained still for a moment,
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Speaker 1: and then, after a fierce struggle with her skirt pocket,
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Speaker 1: dragged out a poor, old, dirty pocket handkerchief, and began
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Speaker 1: to weep, at first quietly and then with a gathering passion.
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Speaker 1: The rest of us set aghast at this explosion. You
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Speaker 1: mustn't go near Fanny Airy not if mother forbids, said Ernest.
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Speaker 1: At last, gently but firmly. Matilda looked at me in
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Speaker 1: grim inquiry. I shall, I said, and was in a
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Speaker 1: terror lest the unmanly tears behind my eyes should overflow. Harry,
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Speaker 1: cried my mother, amidst her sobs. You'll break, You'll break
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Speaker 1: my heart a first, Fanny, Then you you see, said Ernest.
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Speaker 1: The storm of her weeping paused, as though she waited
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Speaker 1: to hear my I answer. My silly little face must
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Speaker 1: have been very red by this time, and there was
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Speaker 1: something wrong and uncontrollable about my voice. But I said
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Speaker 1: what I meant to say. I shall go to Fanny,
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Speaker 1: I said, and I shall just ask her straight out
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Speaker 1: whether she's leading a bad life. And suppose she is,
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Speaker 1: asked Matilda, I shall reason with her, I said, I
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Speaker 1: shall do all I can to save her. Yes, even
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Speaker 1: if I have to find some work that will keep her.
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Speaker 1: She's my sister. I wept for a moment or so.
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Speaker 1: I can't help it, mother, I sobbed. I got to
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Speaker 1: see Fanny. I recovered my composure with an effort, so
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Speaker 1: said Matilda, regarding me, I thought, with rather more irony
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Speaker 1: and rather less admiration, than I deserved. Then she turned
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Speaker 1: to my mother. I don't see that Harry can say
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Speaker 1: fairer than that, she said. I think you'll have to
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Speaker 1: let him see her. After that, he'll do all he
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Speaker 1: can to save her, he says, who knows, he might
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Speaker 1: bring her to repentance, more likely the other way around,
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Speaker 1: said my mother, wiping her eyes. Her brief storm of
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Speaker 1: tears now over. I can't help feeling it's a mistake,
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Speaker 1: said Ernest, for Airry to go and see her. Well, anyhow,
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Speaker 1: don't give it up because you've forgotten the address, Harry, said, Matilda,
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Speaker 1: or else you are done. Let it be your own
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Speaker 1: free will and not forgetfulness. If you throw her over
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Speaker 1: one hundred and two Brandismore Gardens, Earl's Court, you'd better
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Speaker 1: write it down one hundred and two Brandismore Gardens. I
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Speaker 1: went over to my books on the corner table to
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Speaker 1: do as she advised, sternly and resolutely, in a fair
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Speaker 1: round hand on the fly leaf of Smith's Principia Lettina,
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Speaker 1: Part six. My first visit to Fanny's flat was quite
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Speaker 1: unlike any of the moving scenes I acted in my
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Speaker 1: mind beforehand. I went round about half past eight, when
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Speaker 1: shop was done on the evening next but one after
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Speaker 1: Ernest's revelation. The house seemed to me a very dignified one,
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Speaker 1: and I went up a carpeted staircase to her flat.
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Speaker 1: I rang the bell, and she opened the door herself.
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Speaker 1: It was quite evident at once that the smiling young
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Speaker 1: woman in the doorway had expected to see some one
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Speaker 1: else instead of the gawky youth who stood before her,
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Speaker 1: and that for some moments she had not the slightest
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Speaker 1: idea who I was. Her expression of radiant welcome changed
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Speaker 1: to a defensive coldness. What do you want, please, she said,
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Speaker 1: to my silent stare. She had altered very much. She
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Speaker 1: had grown, though now I was taller than she was,
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Speaker 1: and her wavy brown hair was tied by a band
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Speaker 1: of black velvet with a brooch on one side of it,
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Speaker 1: adorned with clear cut stones of some sort that shone
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Speaker 1: and twinkled. Her face and lips had a warmer color
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Speaker 1: than I remembered, and she was wearing a light, soft,
17:52
Speaker 1: greenish blue robe with loose sleeves. It gave glimpses of
17:56
Speaker 1: her pretty neck and throat, and revealed her white arms.
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Speaker 1: She seemed a magically delightful, being soft and luminous and
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Speaker 1: sweet scented, and altogether wonderful To a young barbarian out
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Speaker 1: of the London streets. Her delicacy overawed me. I cleared
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Speaker 1: my throat, Fanny, I said, hoarsely, don't you know me?
18:16
Speaker 1: She knitted her pretty brows, and then came her old,
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Speaker 1: delightful smile. Why it's Harry, she cried, and drew me
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Speaker 1: into the little hall and hugged and kissed me. My
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Speaker 1: little brother, Harry, grown as big as I am. How wonderful.
18:31
Speaker 1: Then she went by me and shut the door and
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Speaker 1: looked at me doubtfully. But why didn't you write to
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Speaker 1: me first to say you were coming? Here? Am I
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Speaker 1: dying for a talk with you? And here's a visitor
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Speaker 1: who's coming to see me? May come in at any moment.
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Speaker 1: Now what am I to do? Let me see? The
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Speaker 1: little hall in which we stood was bright with white
18:51
Speaker 1: paint and pretty Japanese pictures. It had cupboards to hide
18:54
Speaker 1: away coats and hats, and an old oak chest. Several
18:58
Speaker 1: doors opened into it, and two ajar. Through one I
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Speaker 1: had a glimpse of a sofa and things set out
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Speaker 1: for coffee, And through the other I saw a long
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Speaker 1: mirror and a chintz covered arm chair. She seemed to
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Speaker 1: hesitate between these two rooms, and then pushed me into
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Speaker 1: the former one and shut the door behind us. You
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Speaker 1: should have written to tell me you were coming, she said,
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Speaker 1: I'm dying to talk to you, and hears some one
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Speaker 1: coming who's dying to talk to me? But never mind,
19:25
Speaker 1: Let's talk all we can. How are you well? I
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Speaker 1: can see that, But are you getting educated? And mother?
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Speaker 1: How's mother? What's happened? To Prue? And is earnest as
19:35
Speaker 1: hot tempered as ever? I attempted to tell her. I
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Speaker 1: tried to give her an impression of Matilda Good and
19:42
Speaker 1: to hint not too harshly at my mother's white implacability.
19:46
Speaker 1: I began to tell her of my chemist's shop and
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Speaker 1: how much Latin and chemistry I knew, and in the
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Speaker 1: midst of it, she darted away from me and stood listening.
19:55
Speaker 1: It was the sound of a latch key at the door.
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Speaker 1: My other visitor, she said, said, hesitated a moment and
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Speaker 1: was out of the room, leaving me to study her
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Speaker 1: furniture and the coffee machine that bubbled on the table.
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Speaker 1: She had left the door. A little ajar and I
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Speaker 1: heard all too plainly the sound of a kiss, and
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Speaker 1: then a man's voice. I thought it was rather a
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Speaker 1: jolly voice. I'm tired, little Fanny. Oh, I'm tired to death.
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Speaker 1: This new paper's the devil. We've started all wrong, but
20:24
Speaker 1: I shall pull it off. God's If I hadn't this
20:27
Speaker 1: sweet pool of rest to plunge into, i'd go off
20:30
Speaker 1: my head. I have nothing left to me but headlines.
20:33
Speaker 1: Take my coat. There's a deer. I smell coffee. I
20:37
Speaker 1: heard a movement, as though Fanny had checked her visitor,
20:40
Speaker 1: almost at the door of the room I was in.
20:43
Speaker 1: I heard her say something very quickly about a brother.
20:47
Speaker 1: Oh damn, said the man, very heartily, Not another of em.
20:51
Speaker 1: How many brothers have you got, Fanny, Send em away.
20:54
Speaker 1: I've only got an hour altogether, my dear. Then the
20:58
Speaker 1: door closed sharply. Fanny must have discovered it was Ajar,
21:01
Speaker 1: and the rest of the talk was inaudible. Fanny reappeared
21:05
Speaker 1: a little flushed and bright eyed, and withal demure. She
21:10
Speaker 1: had evidently been kissed again. Harry. She said, I hate
21:14
Speaker 1: to ask you to go and come again, but that
21:16
Speaker 1: other visitor I'd promised him first, do you mind, Harry.
21:20
Speaker 1: I'm longing for a good time with you, a good
21:22
Speaker 1: long talk. You get your Sundays, Harry, Well, why not
21:26
Speaker 1: come here at three on Sunday, when I'll be quite
21:28
Speaker 1: alone and we'll have a regular good old tea. Do
21:32
Speaker 1: you mind, Harry, I said, I didn't. In that flat,
21:36
Speaker 1: ethical values seemed quite different to what they were outside.
21:40
Speaker 1: After all, you did ought to have written first, said Fanny,
21:44
Speaker 1: instead of just jumping out on me out of the dark.
21:48
Speaker 1: There was no one in the hall when she showed
21:50
Speaker 1: me out, and not even a hat or coat visible.
21:53
Speaker 1: Give me a kiss, Harry, she said, and I kissed
21:56
Speaker 1: her very readily. Quite sure, you don't mind, she said
21:59
Speaker 1: at the door, Not a bit, I said. I ought
22:02
Speaker 1: to have written Sunday at three, she said, And I
22:06
Speaker 1: went down the carpeted staircase. Sunday at three, I replied.
22:10
Speaker 1: At the bend of the stairs. Downstairs, there was a
22:14
Speaker 1: sort of entrance hall to all the flats, with a
22:17
Speaker 1: fire burning in a fireplace, and a man ready to
22:20
Speaker 1: call a cab or taxi for any one who wanted one.
22:24
Speaker 1: The prosperity and comfort of it all impressed me greatly,
22:28
Speaker 1: and I was quite proud to be walking out of
22:30
Speaker 1: such a fine place. It was only when I had
22:33
Speaker 1: gone some way along the street that I began to
22:35
Speaker 1: realize how widely my plans for the evening had miscarried.
22:40
Speaker 1: I had not asked her whether she was living a
22:42
Speaker 1: bad life or not, and I had reasoned with her
22:45
Speaker 1: not at all. The scenes I had rehearsed in my
22:48
Speaker 1: mind beforehand of a strong and simple and resolute younger
22:52
Speaker 1: brother saving his frail but lovable sister from terrible degradations
22:56
Speaker 1: had indeed vanished altogether from my mind when her door
23:00
Speaker 1: had opened and she had appeared. And here I was,
23:03
Speaker 1: with the evening all before me, and nothing to report
23:06
Speaker 1: to my family but the profound difference that lies between
23:09
Speaker 1: romance and reality. I decided not to report to my
23:13
Speaker 1: family at all yet, but to go for a very
23:15
Speaker 1: long walk and think this Fanny business over thoroughly, returning
23:19
Speaker 1: home when it would be too late for my mother
23:21
Speaker 1: to cross examine me and draw me out at any length.
23:25
Speaker 1: I made for the Thames Embankment, for that afforded, uncrowded
23:28
Speaker 1: pavements and the solemnity and incidental beauty appropriate to a
23:32
Speaker 1: meditative promenade. It is curious to recall now the phases
23:37
Speaker 1: of my mind that night. At first, the bright realities
23:40
Speaker 1: I came from dominated me. Fanny, pretty and prosperous, kindly
23:44
Speaker 1: and self assured in her well lit, well furnished flat,
23:49
Speaker 1: and the friendly and confident voice I had heard speaking
23:52
Speaker 1: in the hall asserted themselves as facts to be accepted
23:55
Speaker 1: and respected. It was delightful, after more than two years
23:59
Speaker 1: of ugly imagine nations, to have the glimpse of my
24:02
Speaker 1: dear sister again, so undefeated and loved and cared for,
24:06
Speaker 1: and to look forward to a long time with her
24:08
Speaker 1: on Sunday, and a long confabulation upon all I had
24:12
Speaker 1: done in the meantime and all I meant to do.
24:15
Speaker 1: Very probably these two people were married, after all, but
24:19
Speaker 1: unable for some obscure reason to reveal the fact to
24:22
Speaker 1: the world. Perhaps Fanny would tell me as much in
24:25
Speaker 1: the strictest confidence on Sunday, and I could go home
24:28
Speaker 1: and astonish and quell my mother with the whispered secret.
24:32
Speaker 1: And even as I developed and cuddled this idea, it
24:35
Speaker 1: grew clear and cold and important in my mind that
24:38
Speaker 1: they were not married at all, And the shades of
24:40
Speaker 1: a long accumulated disapproval dimmed that first bright impression of
24:45
Speaker 1: Fanny's little nest, I felt a growing dissatisfaction with the
24:49
Speaker 1: part I had played in our encounter. I had let
24:52
Speaker 1: myself be handled and thrust out, as though I had
24:55
Speaker 1: been a mere boy instead of a brother full of
24:57
Speaker 1: help and moral superiority. Surely I ought to have said something,
25:02
Speaker 1: however brief, to indicate our relative moral positions. I ought
25:06
Speaker 1: to have faced that man too, the bad man, lurking
25:10
Speaker 1: no doubt in the room with the mirror and the
25:12
Speaker 1: chintz covered chair. He had avoided seeing me because he
25:16
Speaker 1: could not face me. And from these new aspects of
25:19
Speaker 1: the case, I began to develop a whole new dream
25:22
Speaker 1: of reproach and rescue. What should I have said to
25:25
Speaker 1: the bad man? And so, sir, at last we meet
25:30
Speaker 1: something like that? My imagination began to leap and bound
25:34
Speaker 1: and soar with me. I pictured the bad man, dressed
25:37
Speaker 1: in that immaculate evening dress which my novels told me
25:40
Speaker 1: marked the deeper and colder depths of mail depravity, cowering
25:45
Speaker 1: under my stream of simple eloquence. You took her, I
25:49
Speaker 1: would say, from our homely but pure and simple home.
25:53
Speaker 1: You broke her father's heart. Yes, I imagined myself saying that,
25:57
Speaker 1: And what have you made of her? I asked your doll,
26:00
Speaker 1: your plaything, to be pampered while the whim lasts, and
26:04
Speaker 1: then to be cast aside or tossed aside. I decided
26:08
Speaker 1: tossed aside was better. I found myself walking along the embankment,
26:13
Speaker 1: gesticulating and uttering such things as that. But you knew better,
26:18
Speaker 1: said firefly. Even then I knew better. But that was
26:23
Speaker 1: the way our minds worked in the ancient days. End
26:27
Speaker 1: of section fourteen.