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When to Push and When to Pause: A Guide for Figure Skating Parents · The Nadia Chapman Show

• 0:04
  Welcome back to the Nadia Chapman show the figure skaters
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  edition today is a conversation for
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  all of you figure skating parents out there I
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  want to speak directly to you because one of the hardest roles in figure skating
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  is not just a figure skater it is you you're investing so much of your time
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  and your money and your energy you're driving early mornings and late night
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  you're watching your child chase something that is beautiful, but also quite brutal.
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  And somewhere in all of that, you're constantly asking yourself,
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  should I push right now? Or should I back off?
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  When do I encourage more effort? And when do I protect their love for the sport?
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  And this is one of the most delicate balance in figure skating.
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  And there isn't a simple rule to it. But they are signals.
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  And this is what we're going to be talking about today. First of all,
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  let's talk about what's underneath that pushing, what pushing really means.
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  Healthy pushing is, of course, a structure.
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  It's accountability, it's consistency, it's holding a standard that really matched
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  the goal that your skater has.
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  Unhealthy pushing is pressure. It's more anxiety-driven, it's comparison-driven, it's fear-based.
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  So when is it a good time to push?
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  Well, it's time to lean in when your child, let's say, still loves skating,
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  but is drifting into comfort.
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  Maybe, you know, avoids effort, not because they're overwhelmed,
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  but because it's easier, you know, as we move up, you know, with figure skating, it gets harder.
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  Maybe it's time to lean in when your child has big goals, you know,
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  wants to do big things, but inconsistent habit that matches those goals.
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  Or maybe when they're capable of more, but they're settling for staying in their comfort zone.
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  So sometimes skaters need that structure more than sympathy.
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  So discipline will build that confidence, not the harsh kind, but the steady kind.
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  If a skater says like, oh, they want to land like a triple, but they don't practice consistently.
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  Well, that's not a confidence issue. That's a standard issue.
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  So pushing for more moment teaches self-leadership.
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  It teaches, well, hey, if this matters to me, I act like it. I'll change my ways.
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  And obviously that lesson will serve them off the ice and forever.
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  But when is it time for a parent to pause and not keep pushing?
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  Well, maybe that's when there's chronic exhaustion or when there's anxiety,
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  maybe tears that aren't about the effort, but more about their identity.
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  Or maybe when a child who no longer feels safe to fail and do things imperfectly.
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  So I suggest if you recognize a skater that is in that phase, pause.
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  Pause when their nervous system is overloaded. pause when the joy is completely gone from skating.
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  Not because skating should always feel easy, because it won't,
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  because if you keep pushing in these moments.
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  It will add extra stress. And there's a difference between challenge and overwhelm.
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  Challenge will build that resilience, but overwhelm will build avoidance.
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  So if your child is trying and showing up and still struggling emotionally, it's not laziness.
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  There's a signal here. And sometimes the brave move isn't to push harder.
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  It's just recalibrating things.
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  All right. So this is the question that changes everything.
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  Instead of asking yourself, should I push or should I back off.
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  Ask yourself this, is this discomfort productive or destructive?
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  Productive discomfort looks like nerves before competition, anxiety before a
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  practice, frustration after a missed jump, maybe resisting before an early practice in the morning.
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  You know, things are getting messy. Things are getting hard.
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  It's not fluid and easy anymore.
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  Destructive discomfort looks like shame, identity collapse fear of disappointing
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  you so one will build strength and.
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  And the other one builds fragility. And just so you know, you parents listening,
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  your nervous system matters too.
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  And here's something that we don't talk enough in this sport.
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  Your anxiety transfers.
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  So if you're pushing because you're afraid that they're gonna fall behind,
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  or you're reacting because that you're worried where your money's invested,
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  and you don't wanna waste more time, if you're tense in the stands when you're
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  watching your kid train or compete, they will feel that.
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  So your calm is one of the greatest performance tools that you can give your skater.
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  When a parent is grounded, expectations become steady instead of heavy.
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  So take a step back and remember the long game.
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  The reality is very few skaters become Olympians, but every skater becomes an adult.
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  The goal isn't just about medals and about going to the Olympics.
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  It's raising a young person who can handle pressure and stay disciplined.
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  Stay passionate about their sport, recover from failure and know that beautiful work.
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  So sometimes pushing will build that, but sometimes pausing will build that as well.
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  And wisdom is knowing which moment that you are in and you parents know yourself
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  and know your skater the best.
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  And that wisdom will come from watching your child, not the scoreboard,
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  not who wins, not the other skaters either, not social media, watching your child.
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  That's when that wisdom will come.
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  All right. Skating is very demanding.
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  Oh yes. But raising a strong, emotionally resilient human inside this sport of figure skating.
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  That's the real legacy.
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  I'm Nadia Chapman, mindset and life coach, and I'll see you next time.