Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Jon Stewart on AI_s _Better Future_ _ Kosta on Kimberly Guilfoyle_s _100K Amex Bill

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Jon Stewart on AI_s _Better Future_ _ Kosta on Kimberly Guilfoyle_s _100K Amex Bill · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: As you know, many of you here, there has been
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: great concern lately over AI and what data centers will
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: do to local communities, the threats posed by rogue AI agents.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: So President Trump called all of the biggest AI leaders
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: to the White House to finally address the concerns of
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: the American people. And you know that Trump is going
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: to bring the heat because, because.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Don't be cynical. He's going to bring the heat.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Trump has been very clear what he thinks about these
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Silicon Valley elites.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: These Silicon Valley tyrants, the big tech giants, you see
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: how crooked they are.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Big tech is totally dishonest. They're destroying our country.
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: Google is really taking advantage of a lot of people.
• 1:00
  Speaker 5: I consider Facebook to be.
• 1:01
  Speaker 6: An enemy of the people.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Weirdo Mark Zuckerberg. Weirdo. He's a weirdo.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I got to say, I did not know Trump said
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: true stuff at his rallies.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: You know, I've been too hard on him. But no, no,
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: this is going to be great. What do you think
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: he's going to announce?
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: An AI moratorium? Nationalizing the company's strict antitrust initiatives? Maybe
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: make everybody use those old modems from now on?
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Ka-dunk, ka-dunk.
• 1:35
  Speaker 7: What do you got, T.T.? President Trump declaring AI leaders
• 1:39
  Speaker 7: should police themselves after weeks of dire warnings about the
• 1:42
  Speaker 7: threat it could pose to humanity.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: And they're going to self-police? They're going to police themselves?
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: It's going to work out very well. They're tyrants! They're tyrants!
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: The enemies of the people will watch the dishonest, the
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: tyrants will watch the crooked, and everyone will keep an
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: eye on the weirdo, right?
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: What happened?
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I thought you hated these guys. Now you got little
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: inside jokes. Would they give you millions of dollars or something?
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: I'm being told they gave him millions of dollars.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: How can you justify letting the tech giants regulate themselves?
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: We have the smartest people in the world watching over
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: each other.
• 2:33
  Speaker 8: These are seriously high IQ people, and they're really watching
• 2:37
  Speaker 8: over each other. Wow.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean, seriously high IQ people would never
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: have a problem watching over each other to make sure
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: that moral and legal lines aren't crossed. Like in the
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: 2008 financial crisis, or this real Epstein Files photo of
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Stephen Hawking.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I thought it was a symposium. I was going to
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: hell anyway.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: All right, look, maybe I'm overreacting to the dangers that
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: AI could present. Oh, high IQ counsel, sell me, I'm open.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: What's the likely outcome of the deployment of this technology?
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Life is going to get better. The quality of human
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: experience is going to get better. Almost make us a
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: little bit superhuman in some ways. And there's going to
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: be a kind of golden era.
• 3:47
  Speaker 7: You know, I think AI will probably, like, most likely
• 3:50
  Speaker 7: sort of lead to the end of the world.
• 3:52
  Speaker 9: The world is going to get a lot more, like,
• 3:54
  Speaker 9: a lot funnier.
• 3:55
  Speaker 10: LAUGHTER I'm sorry, I looked down for just a second.
• 4:13
  Speaker 10: And I heard the funnier part, that's great.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: There was something said right before, I don't remember which
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: neurotic weirdo said it.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Lead to the end of the world? Yeah, that one!
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: It leads to the end of the world? What? So
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I thought we'd start with the easiest question of all. Okay.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Is AI going to kill us? Not really the place
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: for the awkward laugh.
• 4:50
  Speaker 11: Well, I think if we all do a good job
• 4:53
  Speaker 11: and act responsibly, then no.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: You can't even do a good job sitting like a
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: normal human in a chair. You're sitting like you're Kirk
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: on the deck, the holodeck.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: It does not comfort me. But, you know, maybe we
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: should trust him.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: When has Mark Zuckerberg ever acted irresponsibly?
• 5:20
  Speaker 11: This was a major breach of trust, and I'm really
• 5:23
  Speaker 11: sorry that this happened.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: That was a big mistake. It was my mistake, and
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. We've made mistakes, for sure.
• 5:31
  Speaker 11: I've made so many mistakes in running the company so far.
• 5:33
  Speaker 11: I mean, like, basically any mistake that you think you
• 5:35
  Speaker 11: can make, I've probably made.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: We can think of a lot of mistakes.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: So yeah, there's definitely a chance AI will kill us all.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: How big a chance? Somewhere between zero and 10%. I
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: think there's some chance.
• 5:58
  Speaker 11: That it'll end humanity. I don't know, 10% or 20%
• 6:01
  Speaker 11: or something like that.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: So I think there's a 25% chance that things go really,
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: really badly.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Do I hear 50%? There's a 25% chance this goes really,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: really badly. A 20% chance it ends the world. So
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: just out of curiosity, why can't we just.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: F * * * ing slow this down?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Rather than let people regulate something, they have a clear
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: conflict of interest in regulating.
• 6:30
  Speaker 8: We cannot let China win the race when it comes
• 6:34
  Speaker 8: to AI.
• 6:35
  Speaker 9: There is no day after tomorrow if China wins this.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: They're going to be killer robots.
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: I'd rather they be American killer robots than Chinese killer robots.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: May I offer a third option? No killer robots. Maybe not, no?
• 7:04
  Speaker 12: It seems.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: It seems popular. I don't know, maybe I'm the first
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: person to say it.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: If someone else has already suggested this, I'm terribly sorry.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Let me go a different route here.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: What are we getting in exchange for this 10 to
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: 25% chance of extinction?
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Access to high quality healthcare. Education and more. Addressing climate change.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Actually eliminate poverty. Solving diseases.
• 7:35
  Speaker 12: Cure important diseases like cancer and Alzheimer's.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Wow. Wow, that's great. When's that happening? One day we'll
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: be far more capable. Someday. And it will be soon. Someday.
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: In the future.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Huh.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm looking forward to someday in the future. Just
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: out of curiosity, what are we using AI for now?
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: Swarms of AI-powered drones.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Helping ICE find the immigrants. Spread mis- and disinformation to
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: influence our democracy. Develop weapons and attack plans. Targeting operations.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: Cyber attacks. A mass surveillance system. McDonald's. Pushing AI tools
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: to raise prices based on demand.
• 8:33
  Speaker 13: Ha!
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: So....
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: In the future, we will use AI to cure diseases.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: But right now, it's mostly murder, surveillance, and surge pricing
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: for the McRib.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: What a trade.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I'm getting the sense you guys might be full of shit.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I've got a final test. I'm going to ask you
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: a very straightforward question. being the high IQ individuals in
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: charge of regulating yourselves through the minefield of this new technology,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I just want a straightforward way and an answer to
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: a simple question.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Jobs. Will we still have them?
• 9:20
  Speaker 11: I think there will be actually a high demand for jobs,
• 9:24
  Speaker 11: but not necessarily the same jobs.
• 9:26
  Speaker 14: Some jobs will go away.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: There will be new, better jobs. Well, that's okay. I
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: think we all.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I think we all like new, better jobs. So, like,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: what are the new, better jobs?
• 9:42
  Speaker 14: They're difficult to imagine as we sit here and dream
• 9:45
  Speaker 14: about what the future's going to look like.
• 9:46
  Speaker 15: You high IQ motherf * * * ers!
• 9:59
  Speaker 6: You....
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: To imagine.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: You've imagined us living disease-free on Mars, but jobs?
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: That's beyond the limit of the cosmos.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: They can't answer the jobs question in a straightforward manner.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Jensen Huang of Nvidia, the most valuable.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Company in the world, Do you want to take a
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: shot at a clear answer to how we humans still
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: find relevance in this new economy?
• 10:32
  Speaker 14: I believe that we are going to see jobs change
• 10:37
  Speaker 14: en masse. I believe there's going to be a net
• 10:40
  Speaker 14: creation of jobs.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Ah, net creation. And those jobs would be.
• 10:48
  Speaker 14: So let's... There's... Listen, there's a whole bunch of industries
• 10:53
  Speaker 14: that exist today that didn't exist, you know, halfway through
• 10:58
  Speaker 14: my life.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 11:06
  Speaker 14: People talking about wellness centers and spas.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you were trying to think of an industry
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: that didn't exist until a few years.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Ago and you came up with spas?
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Yes. They have ruins of those from 2000 BC. Are
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: you kidding.
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: Me?
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Can you guys just stop thumpering around and just admit
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: that if this works the way you say it will work,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: there aren't going to be that many jobs anymore.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: If you want to do a job as kind of
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: like a hobby, you can do a job. There you
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: have it.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: If you're going to want a job, if you still
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: want one, you could have one as a hobby. The
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: view of our self-policing geniuses is that the new world
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: that we are building must continue without regulation or financial
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: limitation because it's important work carried out by important people.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: And my guess is they'll still have jobs when this
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: is done. This technology is the natural outcome of a
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: capitalist system that rewards progress and innovation.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: And you're never going to believe where it leads.
• 12:29
  Speaker 11: What are the jobs of the future?
• 12:30
  Speaker 6: Because people looking at this will be worried, particularly laptop jobs.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: What are they going to do in the future?
• 12:38
  Speaker 11: I think by far the most likely outcome is an
• 12:39
  Speaker 11: age of abundance, where we don't have just a universal
• 12:42
  Speaker 11: basic income, we have universal high income.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: That's the answer.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: If we let them do enough unfettered capitalism, we can
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: apparently capitalism our way to socialism.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Knock it out. What?
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: But if the ultimate goal of having an immense flood
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: of money in society is to then give it away
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: for free to the people, quick question.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Why wait?
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: If $ 50 trillion gets us to a future where the
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: government has enough to give people money, why not just
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: give us the $ 50 trillion now?
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Don't call us welfare queens. Just call us early adopters.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Stop lying to us.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Claims of universal high income and incredible hobbies isn't gonna
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: paper over how frightening this future can sound.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: What are you gonna come up with next to distract us?
• 13:51
  Speaker 16: Meta this week unveiled a new AI agent that's, I guess,
• 13:55
  Speaker 16: really pushing the cuteness factor.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: It's called Muse.
• 13:58
  Speaker 9: It's very cute.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: It is cute.
• 14:00
  Speaker 11: I think the kind of default that all the other
• 14:03
  Speaker 11: labs have are these robot-looking things, and we just wanted
• 14:07
  Speaker 11: something that was kind of fun.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God! It is fun! It's like a Trojan...
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: I really don't know what that is. I want to
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: say a panda to the boo-boo. I don't really know.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: We are now just four weeks away from Election Day,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: the most important Tuesday of the year, after all the
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: taco ones. And right now, Republicans are at a risk
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: of losing in a lot of red states. I'm talking
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: states like Texas, Iowa, Kansas, and even Alabama. Yeah, yeah,
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: you guys didn't even know about Alabama because you're all
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: wrapped up in your East Coast bubble. It may just
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: be flyover country to you coastal elites, but to the
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: hicks who live there, it's home, okay? But one reason
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Republicans are struggling is that they aren't exactly fielding the
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: best candidates. For example, in the Ohio governor's race, their
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: nominee is Vivek Ramaswamy, former presidential candidate and guy with
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: resting virgin face. His campaign really needs a lift, but
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: lifting doesn't seem to be his strong suit.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: There you go.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: See, this is why you can't skip lifting kids day
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: at the gym. Now, to be fair, this kid wasn't helping.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, look, he went full dead weight. That's the
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: move my kid makes when she doesn't want to leave
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: the playground. And I don't want to drop her because
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: I'm a good dad, so typically I just leave her there.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: But this was... This was not what Vivek needed, especially
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: after the last time he tried to show off his manliness.
• 16:02
  Speaker 7: Ohio gubernatorial candidate Vivek Ramaswamy has deleted a campaign video
• 16:06
  Speaker 7: after the Internet mocked his baseball swing.
• 16:08
  Speaker 9: There's 10 things I'm going to do for Ohio. Slash
• 16:11
  Speaker 9: your property taxes. Abolish your state income tax.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: What are you laughing at? He swings the bat like Jeter.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: That's the name of my blind gay nephew. Damn, that
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: swing is bad. Please tell me his father died young.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: At least that's an excuse. His father didn't die young.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: We fact-checked it before the joke. I mean, what a
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: harsh way to find out everyone on your staff hates
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: the living shit out of you. Hey, does this swing
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: look good? Yeah, definitely. That's how all the pros do it. Meanwhile,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: in the Texas Senate race, Republicans are running Ken Paxton,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: the attorney general who amazingly found someone to cheat on
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: his wife with. He's running an ad trying to highlight
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: his hard stance on human trafficking, but it's not exactly
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: sending the right message.
• 17:10
  Speaker 6: A 16-year-old runaway from San Antonio trafficked around Texas until
• 17:15
  Speaker 6: Ken Paxton's human trafficking unit stepped in. When missing posters
• 17:19
  Speaker 6: go up, Ken Paxton takes them down.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: What a harsh way to find out everyone on your
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: staff hates the living shit out of you. This doesn't
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: make me look like I'm kidnapping girls and taking down
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: the posters, right? No, of course not. That's how all
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: the pros do it. Anyway, with teammates like this, it's
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: no wonder that Donald Trump has decided to put them
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: on his back and carry them across the finish line himself.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Last night, he hit the campaign trail in Nebraska, where
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: he promised voters relief from the high gas prices that
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: some moron inflicted on him.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: Tonight, I'm going to sign a historic executive order to
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: officially waive the off-road requirement and allow anyone to purchase
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: tax-free red-dyed diesel for any reason.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah! Executive order on red dye diesel. What's red dye diesel?
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, I know all of those words individually, but
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: not all together. Is that how they make Froot Loops? Well, thankfully,
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: the president is signing an executive order about it. So
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: he'll explain it to us. Red dye diesel. Do you
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: know what that is?
• 18:33
  Speaker 8: I don't know what the hell it is, but whatever
• 18:35
  Speaker 8: it is, it's supposed to be very good.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Does anybody want to explain it? If you're doing this
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: to help us, shouldn't you at least know what it is?
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: This feels like a doctor going, well, I finished your vasectomy.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: By the way, what do the balls do anyway? You
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: know what, Trump? I don't think getting a discount off
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: red dye diesel is going to get the country back
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: on your side. You need to do something like end
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: the war or regulate AI or stop bringing back diseases
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: that you could only get on the Oregon Trail. Something big.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Donald Trump wants to make daylight savings permanent. Sure, okay.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Daylight saving time. Sometimes I also start at the bottom
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: of my to-do list. But OK, let's hear it. What's
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: your pitch?
• 19:28
  Speaker 8: We want to get away from this ridiculous way and
• 19:33
  Speaker 8: custom of every twice a year turning your clocks back,
• 19:38
  Speaker 8: turning your clocks forward, being late for dinner.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Finally, a crisis that Trump takes seriously, being late
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: for dinner. No president wants to get that terrible phone call, sir.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: They've already started serving the appetizers. I mean, it's 2026.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: There's like one clock in my entire house that doesn't
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: change automatically. If Trump wants to permanently shift the entire
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: country's daylight hours, he's going to need a better reason
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: than it's annoying to change the clock.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: We don't want to change clocks twice a year.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: It's very expensive. It's expensive? How is it expensive to
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: change your clocks? Are you hiring Shohei Ohtani to do
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: it for you? Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but historically,
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: it's always cost me zero dollars to change my clocks. Mr. President,
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: you got to give us a better reason. Crime rates,
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: car safety, GDP, something. They don't want to have to
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: go around changing clocks.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: People don't want to have to change their clocks twice
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: a year. It's a lot of work for a lot
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: of people that are running around for two days changing
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: all the clocks in their house.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, now that sounds like a lie I would
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: make up to avoid going to my daughter's recital. Sorry, honey,
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: it's going to take me like two days to change
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: all the clocks. But I'm sure you'll do great considering
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: you've practiced once in the last six months. But I'll admit,
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: it is a lot of running around. And sadly, most
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: fatal clock-changing accidents happen at home. The time of death,
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: nobody knows. But not all Republicans want this as bad
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: as Trump does. In fact, the only thing standing in
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: the way of Trump and his dream of permanent daylight
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: is Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, so named because he's genetically
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: half Q-tip. He's single-handedly blocking Trump's bill from coming to vote.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure Trump is going to be totally normal
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: about that, right?
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 21:56
  Speaker 16: President Trump publicly shared on social media what he said
• 21:59
  Speaker 16: is the personal cell phone number of Republican Senator Tom
• 22:02
  Speaker 16: Cotton in an apparent effort to pressure the lawmaker to
• 22:05
  Speaker 16: support legislation that would make daylight saving time permanent.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: He released his personal cell phone number. Oh, my God.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: What a dick is what Tom Cotton probably thought when
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: he got 60,000 unsolicited dick pics.
• 22:20
  Speaker 6: What?
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Now, I know that sounds annoying, but it's not as
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: annoying as going around your house for two days changing
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: all your clocks. I know things aren't great right now.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: The wars, the economy, Taylor Swift's new music. But you
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: know what? I woke up this morning. The sun was shining.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: People were smiling. It made me realize, hey, we're all
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: going to be okay.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: U.S.
• 22:44
  Speaker 13: Health officials monitoring a possible plague outbreak in Russia. Nearly
• 22:48
  Speaker 13: 200 people reportedly under quarantine for the rare, highly contagious,
• 22:54
  Speaker 13: and deadly disease.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God, the plague? Like, the plague? Plague? How
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: come nothing good ever comes back from the 14th century?
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: What I wouldn't do for a lusty wench with an
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: ample bosom. But no, it had to be the plague. Now,
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: I know when you hear about something like this, your
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: initial response is, oh my God, a deadly pandemic from
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: a foreign country while Donald Trump is president. This is
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: COVID all over again, but calm down. There's a lot
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: of differences. For one, nobody's talking about this dangerous infection
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: being accidentally released from a research institute.
• 23:31
  Speaker 16: Russian authorities saying a dangerous infection was accidentally released at
• 23:35
  Speaker 16: an anti-plague research institute in southern Siberia.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, shit. It's deja flu. By the way, do we
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: really need these anti-disease labs that only seem to exist
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: to occasionally leak new diseases? At least put something fun
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: in them so the leak isn't all bad. Sure, we
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: accidentally released the plague, but we also accidentally released a
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: new Yankee candle scent. But now that this pathogen is
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: out there, our only hope is that President Trump is
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: prepared for it. And let's be honest, that's not really
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: his strength. But let's see what he has to say
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: about it. What is the U.S.
• 24:20
  Speaker 12: Going to do about the risk of pneumonic plague coming
• 24:22
  Speaker 12: from Russia?
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: They call it pneumonia.
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: And pneumonia, you know, years ago you could treat pneumonia easier.
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: The microbes and the germs have gotten stronger disproportionately.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: Holy shit! Did Trump just say disproportionately and microbe? You
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: know the situation is bad if Trump is learning new words.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: This guy falls asleep during every intelligence briefing, now all
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: of a sudden he's coming out here like, the DNA
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: sequencing of this microbe disproportionately reveals concerning protein strands. This
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: is not good. Don't forget, we as a country have
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: completely turned against the basic precautions that got us through COVID.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: The joke's gonna be on us when the only people
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: who survived this new plague is that Massachusetts lesbian bar.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: But maybe the most concerning part is that during COVID,
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Trump at least had some qualified people around him. Renowned scientists, physicians,
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: public health experts. Remind me again, who's in charge of
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: the health department this time around? I'm not scared of
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: a germ. You know, I used to snort cocaine off
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: of toilet seats. All right, so I'll see you guys
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: on Zoom. But you know what? Even if this is
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: a plague, you got to find ways to enjoy your life.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: For instance, going outside, getting some fresh air, walking around
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: the neighborhood.
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: The danger lurking underground from old and abandoned mines eroding
• 26:07
  Speaker 5: away and causing sinkholes and other incidents across the country.
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: This 30-foot sinkhole swallowing a chunk of a suburban South
• 26:14
  Speaker 5: Dakota street. Others swallowing cars. Each of these hundreds of
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: thousands of dots tied to a mine.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: There's a sinkhole pandemic? I thought the whole job of
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: the ground was to be the ground. What do you
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: mean there's a ground under the ground? What the have
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: I been walking on this whole time? This is so
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: messed up. Mayans are only supposed to kill the people
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: who work in them. Your first reaction was to laugh
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: at that. But look at that map. These things are everywhere.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: By the way, make sure you save a photo of
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: that map because if you do a Google search for
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: minor holes near me, the FBI is going to show up. Okay,
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: so I can't be with people and I can't go outside. Fine,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I'll just stay home and I'll eat my feelings like
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: last time.
• 27:09
  Speaker 9: A frozen berry recall is expanding over possible E.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Coli contamination.
• 27:14
  Speaker 9: Dannon USA is recalling pints of its so delicious dairy-free
• 27:19
  Speaker 9: frozen dessert.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: The reason, possible foreign materials like small stones.
• 27:24
  Speaker 12: A frozen pasta dish sold at Walmart under recall concerns
• 27:28
  Speaker 12: over listeria. Walmart alerting shoppers to check their freezers for
• 27:33
  Speaker 12: Better Foods authentic Italian lemon Alfredo Fennuccini.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: And if you find a Walmart fettuccine Alfredo in your freezer,
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: see a doctor about clinical depression. Look, I don't think
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: anyone microwaving a frozen brick of fettuccine is really going
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: to care. Their life is already over. Some divorced dad
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: is going to eat this off a paper plate, taste
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: the listeria, and be like, yeah, so what? Let's start
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: with the U.S. ambassador to Greece, Kimberly Guilfoyle. You might
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: remember her as Don Jr. 's former fiancé. Sadly, the
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: relationship fell apart after they got to know each other.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Or you might remember her from the Trump campaign where
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: she gave this epic speech.
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: Ladies and gentlemen, leaders and fighters for freedom and liberty
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: and the American dream, the best is yet to come.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Sadly, her sign language interpreter died of exhaustion. Of course,
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: before Guilfoyle broke the sound barrier, she reportedly made history
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: as the only woman to get fired from Fox News
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: for sexual harassment. Hey, you go, girl. No, specifically to HR.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: Go to HR immediately. With such a stellar resume, it's
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: no surprise that she was nominated to be Trump's ambassador
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: to Greece, a critical role in overseeing America's big, fat weddings.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: And so.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: It's reassuring to know our diplomatic corps is staffed with
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: such paragons of integrity and, above all, dignity. U.S.
• 29:10
  Speaker 16: Ambassador to Greece and Donald Trump Jr. 's former fiancée,
• 29:13
  Speaker 16: Kimberly Guilfoyle, pushed a Trump donor to send her $ 100, 000
• 29:16
  Speaker 16: to pay her American Express bill last year.
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: Honey, please, I need you to get this done for
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: me today.
• 29:23
  Speaker 16: Adding a prayer hands emoji and a PDF with bill
• 29:25
  Speaker 16: payment instructions from American Express.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Wow, that was not subtle.
• 29:29
  Speaker 6: No.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: Usually it's meet me in the parking lot with a
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: suitcase full of bills. But Guilfoyle was like, here is
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: a PDF with instructions for how to send me a bribe.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Please send the bribe today, honey. Man, if the Justice
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Department still existed, you'd be in so much trouble. And damn,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: a $ 100, 000 credit card bill. Ah, now her current job
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: makes sense. Hmm, we need a new ambassador who really
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: understands Greece. Kimberly, you're deep in debt. You'd be perfect.
• 30:02
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: But yes, Kimberly Guilfoyle, seen here demonstrating the size of
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: her debt... wanted this guy to pay off her Amex card.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: But the question is, well, what does he get out
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: of it?
• 30:23
  Speaker 17: Guilfoyle told him if he paid her Amex bill, quote,
• 30:27
  Speaker 17: I will be your Trump ride or die forever and ever.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: Oh, Trump's ride or die. That's a good deal. Everyone
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: knows there's no closer relationship than that of a man
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: and his son's incredibly loud ex-fiancee. Now maybe you're thinking,
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: is it possible that Kimberly Guilfoyle was too stupid to
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: understand that this was wrong? And that is a reasonable thought.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: But judging by her other texts, she knew.
• 30:53
  Speaker 17: Guilfoyle began to express concerns about their dealings becoming public
• 30:57
  Speaker 17: and sent him this message on Signal. Eric, I really
• 31:00
  Speaker 17: wish you would stop papering all these things. It's really
• 31:02
  Speaker 17: dangerous and not helpful to you or me. Well, you
• 31:05
  Speaker 17: could simply just call me on Signal. She added, what
• 31:08
  Speaker 17: a nightmare. You're literally cost me my ambassadorship.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: Stop writing. Real criminal mastermind we got here. She left
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: a paper trail about not leaving a paper trail. Didn't
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: help that she named the group chat Paper Trail Parentheses Crimes.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: She had a point, though. Why wouldn't this guy just
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: call her on the phone? The best is yet to come. Oh, yeah, right.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: I probably would have texted her, too. The question is,
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: who was this donor that Kim was shaking down for
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: Amex points? I assume, as ambassador to Greece, the type
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: of donors she's dealing with are shipping magnets or international
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: art dealers, people like that.
• 31:57
  Speaker 7: The donor was a man named Eric Dieters, an attorney
• 32:01
  Speaker 7: and former co-owner of the regional pizza chain Snappy Tomato Pizza.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. So this thing goes all the way to
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: the top of that regional Kentucky pizza chain. Seriously, what's
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: a snappy tomato? Sounds like a slur for an Italian
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: guy with a bad temper, or should I just say
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: an Italian guy? The Greeks, Italians, we're going after everybody. Now,
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: to be clear, Kimberly Guilfoyle wasn't the only one asking
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: for favors. Mr. Tomato also had specific favors he wanted
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: from her.
• 32:43
  Speaker 7: He wanted her to lobby on his behalf to the
• 32:46
  Speaker 7: IRS commissioner to help him resolve a tax dispute. Dietrich
• 32:50
  Speaker 7: promised Gilfoyle as much as a million dollars if she
• 32:53
  Speaker 7: was successful. He also wanted her to help him get
• 32:55
  Speaker 7: in on Tucker Carlson's podcast.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: He wanted her to send a song he wrote to
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Kid Rock. He wanted her to send a song to
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: Kid Rock? Trust me, you don't need to send a
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: shitty song to Kid Rock. He has plenty at home. Also,
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: you don't need to bribe someone to get a song
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: to Kid Rock. Just strap a CD to a beer
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: can and throw it into his yard. Obviously, I'm kidding.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know if the song is bad, okay? But
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Dieters did put it on YouTube. So let's hear it. Hey,
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: don't laugh. Don't laugh.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: That was my wedding song.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: All right, so as far as I can tell, this
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: is a song about a guy who's gotten the shit
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: kicked out of him so many times, he forgot that
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: he already sang several lines about getting the shit kicked
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: out of him. And yeah, that song doesn't make any sense,
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: but on the bright side, I will never listen to
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: it again. But maybe the biggest twist in this whole
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: scandal is that the only reason we know about this
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: scandal is because Pizza Boy himself decided to go public,
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: probably because he knew the entire arrangement was unethical, unless
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: it was something else.
• 34:36
  Speaker 9: In a message last summer, a frustrated Dieters told Guilfoyle, quote,
• 34:41
  Speaker 9: I have paid you $ 300, 000 over the years. As of
• 34:44
  Speaker 9: this memo, I have not received one favor. I am
• 34:47
  Speaker 9: not naive or a sucker. I need results.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: You haven't got me on Tucker. You haven't got me
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: on a Fox interview. You haven't done squat. You didn't
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: get Kid Rock, the.
• 34:57
  Speaker 8: Song that I wrote that was called the Kentucky Outlaw.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: So you haven't done anything for me. That is one
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: snappy tomato. Yeah. So wait. This guy alerted the media
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: because he's mad that Guilfoyle didn't hold up her end
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: of the bribery bargain. I've never seen someone ask to
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: speak to the manager of corruption before. Do you know
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: who I am? I wrote Kentucky Outlaw. So Kimberly Guilfoyle
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: was apparently selling access to the White House, which means
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: the Trump administration's corruption is so widespread, it runs the
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: gamut from the president getting a half a billion dollar
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: jet from Cotter all the way down to an ambassador
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: getting your manicures paid off by Kentucky's third best pizza chain. Well,
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: I guess the best is really yet to come!