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Why are you attracting so many narcissists? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So why do you keep attracting narcissists?
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  Like, why do you keep picking them?
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  Why do you keep choosing these toxic, narcissistic people?
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  If you're new here? My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  What is going on? Beautiful people, Welcome back,
• 0:32
  Welcome back, welcome back. Hope y'all like the intro drop a
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  comment. Whether or not y'all like the
• 0:37
  intro or dislike the intro anyway, it will not hurt my
• 0:39
  feelings. I'm just trying to decide
• 0:41
  whether I should keep it or not. I've been testing the things out
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  on the channel, so thank you all so much.
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  Like I said, any feedback is appreciated.
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  It won't hurt my feelings. It won't.
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  Or will it? You'll know if you hurt my
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  feelings. I'm just joking.
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  So why do you keep attracting narcissists?
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  Why do you keep falling for narcissists?
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  Let's just say that. Why do you keep falling for
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  narcissistic people? I hear yeah, I hear this a lot.
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  I tell y'all I know, y'all know. I keep mentioning this, but I do
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  run a support group and there's people in the support group
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  called the mental healers link in the news link in the
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  description. If you want to join that,
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  there's people in the support group that ask that question all
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  the time. There's like, I've had
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  back-to-back toxic, narcissistic people.
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  I've had three in a row. You know, there's so many.
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  There's some people in the group who are afraid to go out here
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  and try to date again because they're afraid they're going to
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  fall for their another narcissist.
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  And if I tell people, yeah, it's hard to avoid narcissists, let's
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  just say that. Let's just be upfront and honest
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  about that. It's hard to avoid narcissistic
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  people because in today's society, in 2024, when I'm
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  recording this video, narcissism gets rewarded.
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  Sometimes people get rewarded for being narcissistic.
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  You see what I'm saying? There's narcissistic people,
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  there's narcissistic politicians, there's
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  narcissistic police officers and judges and whatever, you know,
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  rappers, models, actors, actresses, rap bill, country,
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  country music singers or whatever.
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  You know, this is how it goes. And this is what I'm telling
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  you. I was just like they're out
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  there, they get rewarded for and they're in the spotlight.
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  They're in front of you. They're like narcissists are
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  charismatic people. I'm not.
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  I'm not saying everybody's this charismatic is a narcissist, but
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  there's a lot of, there's a lot of charismatic narcissists.
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  There's a lot of them. But yes, you do be the quiet,
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  shy, diminutive narcissist. That's me.
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  I'm the quiet, shy, diminutive narcissist until you get to know
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  me. Then I become charismatic.
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  You see what I'm saying? So you see how it can it can go
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  from shy, bashful, quiet, cool, funny guy to charismatic TikTok
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  or YouTube or whatever you see is is how it is.
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  It's just transition. I just saw, I just met a woman
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  in in food line a few minutes ago.
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  She's like she's looked at me, she's like yo on YouTube and Joe
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  like yeah. And she she said she thanked me
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  for helping her out and helping her understand what she was
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  going through, which is big for me.
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  I love if y'all see me in person, y'all see me around
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  North Carolina anywhere just say, hey, you can say hey, I
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  don't, I don't. I don't bite much.
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  I'm just kidding. But seriously, But yeah, why do
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  you keep attracting narcissists? Why do you keep following for
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  them? Because they they say the right
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  things. They make you feel safe.
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  They do at first. They do make you feel safe.
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  Not every single one of them will make you feel safe.
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  But a lot of them make you feel safe.
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  They want to make you. They want to.
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  They are listeners. They're good listeners at first.
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  Again, not every single one of them.
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  Yeah, let me say this. Not everything.
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  Everything I say doesn't apply to every single narcissist.
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  The opposite could be true as well.
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  OK, Like I said, they are good listeners upfront.
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  I think a lot of people put up, put out that narcissists are
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  all, they make the first, second, third conversations.
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  They they only talk about themselves, right.
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  They only talk about themselves. That's not true.
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  It's true to an extent, but it's not always going to be true
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  because a lot of narcissists are information gatherers.
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  They're just listening to you. They'll give you an they'll,
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  yeah, they're, they have the Dumbo ears.
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  Their ear will grow and grow and grow.
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  You'll watch their ears growing. It might turn you on to watch
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  their ears growing because they, you know, I've never been
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  listening to like this before And they got a big Dumbo flap
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  ear over here now. Just flapping, listening to you,
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  both of them flapping, just listening to you.
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  Like, damn, I like being listening to.
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  I feel. I feel here like I do hear you.
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  I have two big flappy ass ears over here.
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  I do hear you, but they're charismatic.
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  They they make you feel safe. They make you feel like you can
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  let your guard down. You know they make you feel like
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  you can like a damn, literally like a vampire.
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  You know how vampires can't come into your house unless you
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  welcome them in? They make you feel like they're
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  they're safe. Like, come on, look, let me in
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  the house. I ain't going to bite you.
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  I'm a I'm a good vampire. Only look I'm a vegetarian
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  vampire only I suck. I suck plant.
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  I suck plant blood I'm a I'm a vegan vampire.
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  I suck plant blood. I get my blood from the.
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  I get my blood from the plants and then you can let them in the
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  house and they bite you. You know, they make you.
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  They let you. They they talk to you enough to
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  allow you to let your guard down to feel safe.
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  And this is not me. Just like that's why I tell
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  people, take your time. If you feel like you're getting
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  swept off of your feet, you're probably going to get dropped
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  onto your head because narcissist is going to make you.
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  It's a magical carpet ride. Aladdin.
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  Beautiful carpet ride. A brand new world.
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  Yeah. Yeah, Aladdin promises girl a
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  brand new world. And took her, took her to see
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  the city that she lived in. You know, took her to see the
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  city she lived in. But I know she was pretty much a
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  prisoner in her own house and whatnot.
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  But like made her these promises.
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  Narcissists tell you what you want to hear.
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  They really do listen to you and tell you what you want to hear,
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  you know. And then if they do something
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  bad to you at the beginning, they make excuses for.
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  They make enough excuses for in order to make you feel
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  comfortable in order to make you fall for it right.
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  They make it they do something bad to you.
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  They yell or scream at you on the first day or second day.
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  Then they send you flowers the next day and say the word sorry.
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  And that's all it takes. A rose and the word sorry or
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  they send you a text message or you know some.
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  Some narcissists you know will just ignore you till you reach
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  out to them. Pardon the Interruption.
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  Just wanted to make sure that you are subscribed to the
• 6:12
  channel. If you have to, hit that
• 6:13
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  notifications so you don't miss any uploads.
• 6:17
  Help me reach more people and back to the video.
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  Then y'all, then y'all be talking again.
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  Some of them want to apologize upfront.
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  You reach out to them and then y'all end up talking again.
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  They were just saying like speed is the weapon of a narcissist.
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  You thought you keep following for narcissist because you might
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  be moving too damn fast. Slow down.
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  Yeah. Why tap the brakes?
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  Why? Why?
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  I'm so adamant about not tapping the brakes?
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  I know life is short, right? Life is short.
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  In the grand scheme of things, life can absolutely be extremely
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  short. But as long at the same time,
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  y'all feel like I've had a long life.
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  Yeah, I feel like I'm 38 years old.
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  I'm going to be 39 on July 14th. And I'm just like I feel like I
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  had a long life. I don't watch my little boy grow
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  up from being a little crazy little little baby to being a 15
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  year old teenager with a little beard and deep voice Like my
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  little, my other, my 7 year old. He was watching me for my baby,
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  my little, my little baby a day. And my little baby girl, she's
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  running around talking now and calling me big grump, you know,
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  she calls me a big grump. I feel like I have a long life,
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  but that's what I'm telling you. Slow down, yo.
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  It's better to spend 1 happy healthy year with somebody than
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  to spend rushed 10 years unhappy with me in an unhappy
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  relationship would wouldn't it? Would you rather spend a great
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  month with someone than to spend a great a decade with somebody
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  that's been treating you horribly and abusing you?
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  They were telling people to slow down.
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  If this is forever, if this is meant to be, why are you rushing
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  it? Well, I'm rushing it because we
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  need to get to the finish line really fast.
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  Like let's get to the finish line.
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  Let's cross the threshold. Let's get married, let's have
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  kids. Yeah, I know.
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  There's it's it's fantasy. It's fairy tale stuff.
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  Some of y'all keep falling for narcissism.
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  Because you do believe in the fantasy life.
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  You do believe in the fairy tales we grew up.
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  We we damn near, we damn near getting indoctrinated.
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  Indoctrinated as kids with the fantasy life.
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  We didn't. We we damn near getting
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  indoctrinated in the kids as kids with the whole, you know,
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  the the, the, the mindset and a dynamic of living a life to the
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  fullest extent and meeting, meeting your true love and
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  getting swept off of your feet and riding off in a horse and
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  buggy and getting married in two weeks.
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  Right. The movie.
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  Even recent movies. Even recent blockbusters.
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  The greatest animated movie of all time to me.
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  Frozen. Don't argue, argue.
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  Argue with your kids. Argue with your Mama.
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  Argue with your daddy. Do not argue with me.
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  Because Frozen is the greatest animated movie of all time.
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  Coco is Coco. Slide upper Coco right behind
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  Frozen. I'm just let y'all know Coco's
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  right behind Frozen. Coco might overtook Frozen.
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  Both of those movies have narcissism.
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  That's why I'm this one bringing the Disney movies because we got
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  indoctrinated as kids. Like, listen, like our kids are
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  getting indoctrinated with narcissism and the the fast
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  relationship getting swept off of your feet.
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  Look at Frozen. Anna, Elsa, Anna.
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  Elsa was locked into a tower for pretty much their whole life.
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  They get released. Anna, meet somebody on the very
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  first night. Within a couple hours, they're
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  telling each other they love him and ask him to get married.
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  And it turns out he was toxic as hell.
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  In the end, he was tricking her to try to get it, to try to own
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  the Kingdom. He was a sociopath.
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  He tried to. He tried to kill Elsa.
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  He tried to get rid of Anna, kill Elsa like he was trying to
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  kill the whole sister. It was just for power.
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  Fast relationship, blind trust. You see how fast they moved?
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  Yeah. Anna ended up.
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  Anna ended up finding her true love and Hans of the sudden.
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  Not Hans of the sudden. And Kristoff didn't he?
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  Did she? But like, that's not how it's
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  supposed to go. You got to slow down.
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  You don't need to go through toxicity with Hans of each
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  other. Now to meet your Kristoff.
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  You can slow down, take your time.
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  If Anna were to slow down, she would be like, you know what you
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  kind of toxic Hans. You you just repeat everything
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  that I say. You know they had a whole song
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  where he just mirrored her. I think it's crazy what we
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  finished each other. Sandwiches.
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  That's what I was going to say. He wasn't going to say
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  sandwiches. He just mirrored her, telling
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  her what she wanted to hear. You see, This is why our kids
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  are watching. I'm not telling y'all to not let
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  your kids watch this stuff. I'm just saying just watch it
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  for yourself as an adult. And you see what the type of
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  mindset we had as kids growing up getting.
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  You see Sleeping Beauty, all these other movies, Cinderella,
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  all these other movies. You know what's the other one?
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  Rapunzel. All these other stuff with the
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  fast romances, Aladdin. You see it, you know, You see
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  the stuff we go through. The lion, even The Lion King got
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  a narcissist in it. You know?
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  It just is. Narcissists are in all these
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  animated movies. Doesn't seem like a narcissist.
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  It just seems like a villain. But they can.
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  Narcissists can be villains. Look at the movie Coco.
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  There's a couple of narcissists in there.
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  There's a few narcissists. Narcissists in Coco.
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  Ernesto de la Cruz is probably a sociopath, but Hector was
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  narcissistic in himself. And Hector.
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  Hector was a pathological liar. He abandoned his family to go on
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  a on a tour. You know, it was like you might
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  fall for Narcissus because it's been, it's been in your
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  childhood, it's been in your bloodstream, it's been in your
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  eyeballs for a long, long time. It is not your fault.
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  You watch cartoons and movies and stuff like that growing up.
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  It's not your fault. But this is what happened.
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  This is how we do get indoctrinated.
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  This is how we do have these wild fantasies of romances and
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  things like that. This is how it happens.
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  You know, because like I said, you could keep following for
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  narcissist because it's what you know, it's grow to what you
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  know. You could keep following for
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  narcissist because you grew up in a household of toxicity.
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  You grew up in a toxic household where your mom or your dad was a
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  narcissist or your dad was a narcissist.
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  Your mom wasn't an impact. Your mom was borderline.
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  Your dad was. Your mom was a narcissist.
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  Your dad was an impact. Your dad was a Co dependent.
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  You see what I'm saying? If you had two moms you get to
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  never imagine had two toxic moms, two toxic daddies or toxic
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  mom or toxic dad in the same house, like both of your
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  parents. You're like, yeah, a toxic Mama
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  and a toxic daddy in the same house.
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  Gender is irrelevant when it comes to narcissism.
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  Y'all because like every gender, every sex can be a narcissist.
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  You know what I'm saying? Sometimes this is what you grow.
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  This is what you grew up in. You grew up in this, like toxic
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  relationship dynamics. Toxic people are what you feel
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  like you grew up around. So it's feel like you feel like
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  you get attracted to it. You draw into it, you draw into
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  it. You remind.
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  You subconsciously remind me of my dad.
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  You subconsciously remind me of my mom.
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  This happens so much. Y'all and this is what I'm
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  telling you. This is what I'm trying to
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  convey to you. Take your time.
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  Ask yourself what is it about this person that I like?
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  Do it. Do it like an internal scan.
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  What do I really like about this person?
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  What What am I? Why am I drawn to this person
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  and not somebody else? In particular, ask yourself
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  these questions because they're extremely important.
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  Y'all these questions are extremely important when it
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  comes to healing and growing. Because when you figure out if
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  you have, if you've had multiple narcissists, compare and
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  contrast to people, ask yourself what these people have in common
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  and ask yourself what these people or not don't have in
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  common. Because No2.
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  Narcissists are going to be alike.
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  You could have had a covert narcissist at 1st and then ended
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  with an overt. You could have had an overt to a
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  covert. You could have had two coverts.
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  You could have had a mixture of every one of them.
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  You know, just take your time. I feel like time is time and
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  boundaries help you avoid. Narcissist is narcissist
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  repellent. It's like it's like it's like
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  narcissist narcissistic repelling lotion.
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  It's like sunblock, it's narc block.
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  You rub it in, put it all on your skin, it's like SPF 50 or
• 13:20
  90 whatever. You said N block.
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  Get your cheek, get your mouth too you know.
• 13:26
  But anyways, y'all I hope y'all enjoyed the video like and
• 13:29
  subscribe and if you need anything else you know.
• 13:33
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 13:35
  I'm extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 13:37
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 13:39
  to the channel helps. Reach more people and click on
• 13:41
  the screen to watch another video or to browse through
• 13:43
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 13:45
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 13:48
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 13:50
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 13:52
  video. Peace.