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21 - Gulliver's Travels - Jonathan Swift · Thrilling Adventures - Daily

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  Speaker 1: Chapter five, the authors permitted to see the Grand Academy
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  Speaker 1: of Legado. The academy largely described the arts wherein the
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  Speaker 1: professors employed themselves. This academy is not an entire single building,
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  Speaker 1: but a continuation of several houses on both sides of
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  Speaker 1: a street, which growing waste was purchased and applied to
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  Speaker 1: that use. I was received very kindly by the warden,
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  Speaker 1: and went for many days to the academy. Every room
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  Speaker 1: has in it one or more projectors, and I believe
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  Speaker 1: it could not be in fewer than five hundred rooms.
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  Speaker 1: The first man I saw was of a meager aspect,
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  Speaker 1: with sooty hands and face. His hair and beard long
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  Speaker 1: ragged and singed in several places. His clothes, shirt, and
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  Speaker 1: skin were all of the same color. He had been
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  Speaker 1: eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers,
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  Speaker 1: which were to be put in vials hermatically sealed and
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  Speaker 1: let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers.
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  Speaker 1: He told me he did not doubt that in eight
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  Speaker 1: years more he should be able to supply the governor's
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  Speaker 1: gardens with sunshine at a reasonable rate. But he complained
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  Speaker 1: that his stock was low and entreated me to give
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  Speaker 1: him something as an encouragement to ingenuity, especially since this
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  Speaker 1: had been a very dear season for cucumbers. I made
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  Speaker 1: him a small present, for my lord had furnished me
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  Speaker 1: with money on purpose, because he knew their practice of
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  Speaker 1: begging from all who go to see them. I went
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  Speaker 1: into another chamber, but was ready to hasten back, being
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  Speaker 1: almost overcome with a horrible stink. My conductor pressed me forward,
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  Speaker 1: conjuring me in a whisper to give no offense which
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  Speaker 1: would be highly resented. And therefore I durst, not so
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  Speaker 1: much as stop my nose. The projector of the cell
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  Speaker 1: was the most ancient student of the academy. His face
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  Speaker 1: and beard were of a pale yellow, his hands and
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  Speaker 1: clothes dubbed over with filth. When I was presented to him,
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  Speaker 1: he gave me a close embrace, a compliment I could
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  Speaker 1: well have excused. His employment from his first coming into
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  Speaker 1: the Academy was an operation to reduce human excrement to
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  Speaker 1: its original food by separating the several parts, removing the
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  Speaker 1: tinkerture which it received from the gaul, making the odor exhale,
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  Speaker 1: and scumming off the saliva. He had a weekly allowance
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  Speaker 1: from the society of a vessel filled with human ausia
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  Speaker 1: about the bigness of a Bristol barrel. I saw another
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  Speaker 1: at work to calcin ice into gunpowder, who likewise showed
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  Speaker 1: me a treatise he had written concerning the malibility of fire,
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  Speaker 1: which he intended to publish. There was a most ingenious
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  Speaker 1: architect who had contrived a new method for building houses
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  Speaker 1: by beginning at the roof and working downwards to the foundation,
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  Speaker 1: which he justified to me by like the practice of
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  Speaker 1: those two prudent insects, the bee and the spider. There
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  Speaker 1: was a man born blind who had several apprentices in
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  Speaker 1: his own condition. Their employment was to mix colors for painters,
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  Speaker 1: which their master taught them to distinguish by feeling and smelling.
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  Speaker 1: It was indeed my misfortune to find them at that
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  Speaker 1: time not very perfect in their lessons, and the professor
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  Speaker 1: himself happened to be generally mistaken. This artist is much
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  Speaker 1: encouraged and esteemed by the whole fraternity. In another apartment,
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  Speaker 1: I was highly pleased with the projector who had found
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  Speaker 1: a device of plowing the ground with hogs to save
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  Speaker 1: the charges of plows, cattle, and labor. The method is
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  Speaker 1: this In an acre of ground uburiately least six inches
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  Speaker 1: distance in eight deep, a quantity of acorns, dates, chestnuts,
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  Speaker 1: and other masts or vegetables. Whereof these animals are fondest,
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  Speaker 1: then you drive six hundred or more of them into
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  Speaker 1: the field, where in a few days they will root
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  Speaker 1: up the whole ground in search of their food and
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  Speaker 1: make it fit for sewing, at the same time inneuring
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  Speaker 1: it with their dungue. It is true, upon experiment they
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  Speaker 1: found the charge and trouble very great, and they had
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  Speaker 1: little or no crop. However, it is not doubted that
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  Speaker 1: this invention may be capable of great improvement. I went
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  Speaker 1: into another room, where the walls and ceiling were all
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  Speaker 1: hung round with cobwebs, except a narrow passage for the
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  Speaker 1: artists to go in and out. At my entrance, he
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  Speaker 1: called to me not to disturb his webs. He lamented
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  Speaker 1: the fatal mistake of the world had been so long
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  Speaker 1: in of using silk worms, while we had such plenty
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  Speaker 1: of domestic insects who infinitely excelled the former, because they
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  Speaker 1: understood how to weave as well as spin. And he
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  Speaker 1: reposed further that by employing spiders the charge of dyeing
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  Speaker 1: silk should be wholly saved. Whereof I was fully convinced
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  Speaker 1: when he showed me a vast number of flies, most
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  Speaker 1: beautifully covered, wherewith he fed his spiders, assuring us that
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  Speaker 1: the webs would take a tincerature from them. And as
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  Speaker 1: he had them of all hues, he hoped to fit
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  Speaker 1: everybody's fancy as soon as he could find proper food
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  Speaker 1: with the flies of certain gums, oils, and other glutenous
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  Speaker 1: matter to give a strength and consistence to the threads.
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  Speaker 1: There was an astronomer who had undertaken to place a
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  Speaker 1: sun dial upon the great weathercock on the town house,
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  Speaker 1: by adjusting the annual and daanyled motions of the Earth
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  Speaker 1: and Sun, so as to answer and coincide with all
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  Speaker 1: accidental turnings of the wind. I was complaining of a
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  Speaker 1: small fit of the colic, upon which my conductor led
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  Speaker 1: me into a room where a great physician resided, who
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  Speaker 1: was famous for curing that disease by contrary operations from
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  Speaker 1: the same instrument. He had a large pair of bellows
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  Speaker 1: with a long slender muzzle of ivory. This he conveyed
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  Speaker 1: eight inches up the anis, and drawing in the wind.
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  Speaker 1: He affirmed he could make the guts as lank as
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  Speaker 1: a dried bladder, but when the disease was more stubborn
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  Speaker 1: and violent, he let in the muzzle while the bellows
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  Speaker 1: were full of wind, which he discharged into the body
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  Speaker 1: of the patient, then withdrew the instrument to replenish it,
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  Speaker 1: clapping his thumb strongly against the orifice of then fundament,
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  Speaker 1: and this being repeated three or four times. The adventitious
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  Speaker 1: wind would rush out, bringing the noxious along with it,
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  Speaker 1: like water put into a pump, and the patient recovered.
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  Speaker 1: I saw him try both experiments upon a dog, but
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  Speaker 1: could not discern any effect from the former. After the latter,
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  Speaker 1: the animal was ready to burst and made so violent
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  Speaker 1: a discharge as was very offensive to me and my companion.
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  Speaker 1: The dog died on the spot, and we left the doctor,
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  Speaker 1: endeavoring to recover him by the same operation. I visited
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  Speaker 1: many other apartments, but shall not trouble my reader with
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  Speaker 1: all the curiosities I observed. Being studious of brevity, I
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  Speaker 1: had hitherto seen only one side of the academy, the
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  Speaker 1: other being appropriated to the advances of speculative learning, of
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  Speaker 1: whom I shall say something when I have mentioned one
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  Speaker 1: illustrious person more, who was called among them the Universal Artist.
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  Speaker 1: He told us he had been thirty years employing his
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  Speaker 1: thoughts for the improvement of human life. He had two
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  Speaker 1: large rooms full of wonderful curiosities, and fifty men at work.
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  Speaker 1: Some were condensing air into a dry, tangible substance by
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  Speaker 1: extracting the nature and letting the acrius or fluid particles percolate.
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  Speaker 1: Others softening marble for pillows and pincushions, others petrifying the
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  Speaker 1: hoofs of a living horse to preserve them from foundering.
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  Speaker 1: The artist himself was at that time busy upon two
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  Speaker 1: great designs, the first to so land with chaff, wherein
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  Speaker 1: he affirmed the true seminal virtue to be contained, as
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  Speaker 1: he demonstrated by several experiments which I was not skillful
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  Speaker 1: enough to comprehend. The other was by a certain composition
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  Speaker 1: of gums, minerals, and vegetables outwardly applied to prevent the
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  Speaker 1: growth of wool upon two young lambs, and he hoped
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  Speaker 1: in a reasonable time to propagate the breed of naked
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  Speaker 1: sheep all over the kingdom. We crossed a walk to
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  Speaker 1: the other part of the academy, where as I have
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  Speaker 1: already said, the projectors in speculative learning resided. The first
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  Speaker 1: professor I saw was in a very large room, with
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  Speaker 1: forty pupils about him. After salutation, observing me to look
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  Speaker 1: earnestly upon a frame which took up the greatest part
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  Speaker 1: of both the length and breadth of the room, he said,
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  Speaker 1: perhaps I might wonder to see him employed in a
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  Speaker 1: project for improving speculative knowledge by practical and mechanical operations.
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  Speaker 1: But the world would soon be sensible of its usefulness.
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  Speaker 1: And he flattered himself that a more noble, exalted thought
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  Speaker 1: never sprang in any other man's head. Everyone knew how
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  Speaker 1: laborious the usual method is of attaining to arts and sciences,
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  Speaker 1: whereas by his contrivance, the most ignorant person, at a
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  Speaker 1: reasonable charge and with a little bodily labor, might write
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  Speaker 1: books in philosophy, poetry, politics, laws, mathematics, and theology without
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  Speaker 1: the least a distance from genius or study. He then
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  Speaker 1: led me to the frame about the sides, whereof all
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  Speaker 1: his pupils stood in ranks. It was twenty feet square,
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  Speaker 1: placed in the middle of the room. The superficiiies was
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  Speaker 1: composed of several bits of wood about the bigness of
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  Speaker 1: a dye, but some larger than others. They were all
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  Speaker 1: linked together by slender wires. These bits of wood were
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  Speaker 1: covered on every square with paper pasted on them, and
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  Speaker 1: on these papers were written all the words of their language,
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  Speaker 1: in their several moods, tenses, and declensions, but without any order.
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  Speaker 1: The professor then desired me to observe, for he was
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  Speaker 1: going to set his engine at work. The pupils, at
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  Speaker 1: his command took each of them hold of an iron handle,
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  Speaker 1: whereof there were forty fixed round the edges of the frame,
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  Speaker 1: and giving them a sudden turn, the wholder's position of
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  Speaker 1: the words was in highly changed. He then commanded six
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  Speaker 1: and thirty of the lads to read the several lines
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  Speaker 1: softly as they appeared on the frame, and where they
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  Speaker 1: found three or four words together that might make part
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  Speaker 1: of a sentence, they dictated to the four remaining boys
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  Speaker 1: who ascribes. This work was repeated three or four times,
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  Speaker 1: and at every turn the engine was so contrived that
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  Speaker 1: the word shifted into new places as the square bits
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  Speaker 1: of wood moved upside down. Six hours a day, the
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  Speaker 1: young students were employed in this labor, and the professor
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  Speaker 1: showed me several volumes in large folio already collected of
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  Speaker 1: broken sentences, which he intended to piece together and out
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  Speaker 1: of those rich materials, to give the world a complete
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  Speaker 1: body of all arts and sciences, which, however, might be
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  Speaker 1: still improved and much expediated, if the public would raise
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  Speaker 1: a fund for making and employing five hundred such frames
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  Speaker 1: in Laggado, and obliged the managers to contribute in common
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  Speaker 1: their several collections. He assured me that this invention had
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  Speaker 1: employed all his thoughts from his youth, and that he
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  Speaker 1: emptied the whole vocabulary into his frame, and made the
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  Speaker 1: strictest computation of the general proportion there is in books
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  Speaker 1: between the numbers of particles, nouns and verbs, and other
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  Speaker 1: parts of speech. I made my humblest acknowledgment to this
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  Speaker 1: illustrious person for his great communicativeness, and promised, if ever
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  Speaker 1: I had the good fortune to return to my native country,
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  Speaker 1: that I would do him justice as the sole inventor
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  Speaker 1: of this wonderful machine, the form and contrivance of which
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  Speaker 1: I desired to delineate on paper, as in the figure
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  Speaker 1: here annexed. I told him, although it were the custom
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  Speaker 1: of our learned in Europe to steal inventions from each other,
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  Speaker 1: who had thereby at least this advantage, that it became
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  Speaker 1: a controversy which was the right owner. Yet I would
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  Speaker 1: take such caution that he should have the honor entire
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  Speaker 1: without arrival, we next went to the school of Languages,
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  Speaker 1: where three professors sat in consultation upon improving that in
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  Speaker 1: their own country. The first project was to shorten discourse
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  Speaker 1: by cutting polysyllables into one and leaving out verbs and participles,
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  Speaker 1: because in reality, all things imaginable are but norms. The
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  Speaker 1: other project was a scheme for entirely abolishing all words whatsoever,
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  Speaker 1: and was urged as a great advantage in point of
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  Speaker 1: health as well as brevity, for it is plain that
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  Speaker 1: every word we speak is in some degree a diminution
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  Speaker 1: of our lunge by corrosion, and consequently contributes to the
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  Speaker 1: shortening of our lives. An expedient was therefore offered that,
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  Speaker 1: since words are only no aims for things, it would
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  Speaker 1: be more convenient for all men to carry about them
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  Speaker 1: such things as were necessary to express a particular business
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  Speaker 1: they are to discourse on, And this invention would certainly
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  Speaker 1: have taken place to the great ease as well as
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  Speaker 1: health of the subject, if the women, in conjunction with
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  Speaker 1: the vulgar and illiterate had not threatened to raise a
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  Speaker 1: rebellion unless they might be allowed the liberty to speak
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  Speaker 1: with their tongues after the manner of their forefathers. Such constant,
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  Speaker 1: irreconcilable enemies to science are the common people. However, many
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  Speaker 1: of the most learned and wise adhere to the new
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  Speaker 1: scheme of expressing themselves by things, which is only this inconvenience,
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  Speaker 1: attending it that if a man's business be very great
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  Speaker 1: and of various kinds, he must be obliged in proportion
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  Speaker 1: to carry a greater bundle of things upon his back,
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  Speaker 1: unless he can afford one or two strong servants to
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  Speaker 1: attend him. I have often beheld two of those sages
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  Speaker 1: almost sinking under the weight of their packs, like peddlers
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  Speaker 1: among us, who, when they meet in the street, would
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  Speaker 1: lay down their loaths, open their sacks, and hold conversation
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  Speaker 1: for an hour together, then put up their implements, help
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  Speaker 1: each other to resume their burdens, and take their leave.
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  Speaker 1: But for short conversations a man may carry implements in
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  Speaker 1: his pockets and under his arms enough to supply him,
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  Speaker 1: and in his house he cannot be at a loss. Therefore,
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  Speaker 1: the room where company meet who practice this art is
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  Speaker 1: full of all things ready at hand requisite to furnish
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  Speaker 1: matter for this kind of artificial converse. Another great advantage
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  Speaker 1: proposed by this invention was that it would serve as
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  Speaker 1: a universal language, to be understood in all civilized nations
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  Speaker 1: whose goods and utensils are generally of the same kind
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  Speaker 1: or nearly resembling, so that their uses might easily be comprehended,
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  Speaker 1: and thus ambassadors would be qualified to treat with foreign
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  Speaker 1: princes or ministers of state to whose tongues they were
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  Speaker 1: utter strangers. I was at the mathematical school where the
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  Speaker 1: master taught his pupils after the method scarce imaginable to
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  Speaker 1: us in Europe. The proposition and demonstration were fairly written
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  Speaker 1: on a thin wafer, within composed of a cephalic tincature.
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  Speaker 1: This the student was to swallow upon a fasting stomach,
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  Speaker 1: and for three days following, eat nothing but bread and water.
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  Speaker 1: As the wafer digested, the tincature mounted to his brain,
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  Speaker 1: bearing the proposition along with it. But the success has
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  Speaker 1: not hithero been answerable partly by some error in the
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  Speaker 1: quantum or composition, and partly by the perverseness of lads
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  Speaker 1: to whom this bolus is so nauseous that they generally
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  Speaker 1: steal aside and discharge it upwards before it can operate.
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  Speaker 1: Neither have they yet been persuaded to use so long
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  Speaker 1: an abstinence as the prescription requires. End Apart Three, Chapter five.