Latest / MyMaine Birth / 86. Embracing Home Birth and Hypnobirthing with Cashlyn

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86. Embracing Home Birth and Hypnobirthing with Cashlyn · MyMaine Birth

• 0:00
  Cashlin: And they just wanted to induce me just for the sake of inducing me.
• 0:04
  Cashlin: That's when I really like had to advocate for myself and explained to her the midwife that was on call.
• 0:10
  Cashlin: I remember the day we were in Portland and the guy comes in the doctor.
• 0:16
  Cashlin: So he's not even my doctor, you know, we've never met him before.
• 0:20
  Cashlin: He has no idea that I've had two other children, that these girls have grown the same exact way you know, and that I've had all healthy babies.
• 0:29
  Cashlin: He has no idea that I've never had an eight pound baby and I've never had a four pound baby, that they've always been six and a half pounds, and that they've always been wrong about these measurements.
• 0:38
  Cashlin: And I knew this.
• 0:40
  Cashlin: But I still remember the doctor coming in.
• 0:43
  Cashlin: We'll never forget it because in our head he was just.
• 0:46
  Cashlin: He reminded us of the Monopoly man.
• 0:49
  Cashlin: He comes in with his suit and he goes.
• 0:51
  Cashlin: You will not pass, go.
• 0:52
  Cashlin: You will not collect $200.
• 0:54
  Cashlin: You're going to have this baby today.
• 0:56
  Cashlin: I already called your midwife.
• 0:57
  Cashlin: We're signing you up, you're going into induced and I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, like I had no idea that any of that could have even happened or that they were thinking that everything on the chart was showing that everything was fine.
• 1:10
  Cashlin: So I didn't understand that.
• 1:12
  Cashlin: I think it was my first real battle with trusting my intuition over fear, because all these doctors are fearful.
• 1:21
  Cashlin: And now they're pressing that fear onto my husband who, like this is a whole new ball game for us now, like he's having to trust me with his child's life, that's inside of my body, and I'm fearful.
• 1:34
  Cashlin: Also, like, am I making the right decision?
• 1:37
  Cashlin: Are they making the right decision?
• 1:39
  Cashlin: I don't know.
• 1:40
  Cashlin: And so that's really when I was like, you know, I don't think they know what's right and I called my midwife and I explained everything to her.
• 1:48
  Cashlin: She wasn't my midwife actually, like I explained, she was the head midwife.
• 1:52
  Cashlin: She was on call at the time and I explained everything to her and she reviewed all my charts and called me back and she goes you know you're right on everything you're saying.
• 2:02
  Cashlin: That's completely true and I'm going to trust you with this.
• 2:05
  Cashlin: You seem to know your body and you seem to know everything you're going through and so I think that's fine.
• 2:10
  Cashlin: We just bring you in on Tuesday to have you checked and, um, I went into labor on Monday so I didn't have to.
• 2:19
  Angela: I'm Angela and you're listening to my Main Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine.
• 2:31
  Angela: From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.
• 2:40
  Angela: Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
• 2:48
  Angela: Today's birth story guest is Cashlyn, and she's here to share all about her four main birth stories, three of which were hospital births and her fourth was a home birth.
• 3:02
  Angela: Hi, cashlyn, welcome to my Main Birth.
• 3:05
  Angela: Good morning.
• 3:07
  Angela: So, to get started, will you share a little bit about you and your family?
• 3:13
  Cashlin: My name's Cashlyn and my husband's Derek and we have four children.
• 3:20
  Cashlin: Our oldest is Trelyn and that's our oldest daughter.
• 3:26
  Cashlin: Our first three are all daughters and then our son is the baby.
• 3:32
  Cashlin: So it goes treeland dream, deoda and obsidian.
• 3:38
  Cashlin: We live in Hinkley, maine.
• 3:42
  Cashlin: We just bought a historic house a couple years ago and we are still in the beginning stages of turning our barn into a wedding venue.
• 3:58
  Cashlin: We actually got married here this June.
• 4:01
  Cashlin: I can breathe on my three daughters.
• 4:06
  Cashlin: The very like, sentimental, exciting birth story would be my son.
• 4:13
  Cashlin: He was born at home and the whole journey was very unveiling and magical and I that it um also like did help inspire a lot of other women.
• 4:30
  Cashlin: I've had all of my children all at St Mary's in Lewiston and unfortunately I don't think they have a birthing center there anymore, which is very sad because it was one of, I think, the best in the state.
• 4:59
  Cashlin: The midwives there were amazing.
• 5:01
  Cashlin: So I had all three of my daughters very fast labors were.
• 5:12
  Cashlin: You know it was.
• 5:13
  Cashlin: It was light labor for a few months, I would probably say, and then when they came, it was always a very fast.
• 5:19
  Cashlin: Dream was in the middle of the night on a snowstorm, and Deoda was also in the middle of the night, and by the time we got there, actually, funny enough, my cousins I have two cousins on my dad's side and for all three of my girls we all had a baby within two weeks from each other.
• 5:48
  Cashlin: So we all have cousins that line up birthdays like almost perfectly.
• 5:54
  Cashlin: So one of my cousins who kept telling me that she was going to have her first baby before me was in the hospital already, and I didn't even know that she was going to the same hospital as me and her name is Jacqueline Bronish and I'm Cashlyn Bronish.
• 6:12
  Cashlin: And so, um, because I have them so fast, I had dream less than 30 minutes from when I walked through the entrance door, and so I knew Deoda would be just as fast.
• 6:27
  Cashlin: I had called ahead and told them this is Cashlyn Braunish, I'm on my way in to the hospital, can you please have my room ready?
• 6:39
  Cashlin: Like I didn't have a baby, and they thought that it was Jackie Braunish, calling from the room.
• 6:47
  Cashlin: She was already in and saying I'm having a baby.
• 6:52
  Cashlin: So they ran in and they checked.
• 6:53
  Cashlin: They're like what's going on?
• 6:54
  Cashlin: Did you just call?
• 6:55
  Cashlin: And as soon as I showed up I was having her.
• 6:58
  Cashlin: And, um, which they never believe me because I'm always very calm.
• 7:02
  Cashlin: And uh, and they like, look at my husband and he's like she's not lying, like you need to get the room ready.
• 7:08
  Cashlin: And there is no doctors there for either one of them yet it's just nurses.
• 7:13
  Cashlin: And they're like, oh, we're going to have to check you.
• 7:15
  Cashlin: And I'm like, no, you're not, you're not going to check me, I'm just going to have this baby.
• 7:19
  Cashlin: And they ran back into my cousin's room and they're like we're sorry, someone just got off the elevator and she's having her baby right now.
• 7:27
  Cashlin: We need to take this birthing kit from your room.
• 7:29
  Cashlin: And my cousin looks over at his wife and he goes I bet that was Cashlyn and she goes no, it's not.
• 7:36
  Cashlin: Because she kept telling me, oh, I'm going to have them for you.
• 7:50
  Cashlin: And and so, ironically enough, I had dayoda before her and then wheeled her over to the room and we introduced them to our cousins and then, um, they wheeled, she came over and was walking through her labor the next morning while we were leaving um, not very happy that she didn't have Weston before us.
• 8:10
  Cashlin: We get to go see all of them and we're still very close and the kids at Dayoda, but um, to the end is our real story.
• 8:16
  Cashlin: He was unexpected, the pregnancy um, the whole transition.
• 8:22
  Cashlin: I really did not want another child.
• 8:25
  Cashlin: I was fine with my three girls.
• 8:27
  Cashlin: We also in Derek's family, all of the men on like even his brother from his mom's side and all the men on his dad's side only have one gender.
• 8:43
  Cashlin: His dad has four boys oldest brother, cory, has, and then his other brother, levi, has three boys.
• 8:52
  Cashlin: So we did not think that we were gonna break that um cycle of having the same gender and I had wanted a boy right from the start actually.
• 9:06
  Cashlin: But you know, life gives you what you need, sometimes not what you want.
• 9:11
  Cashlin: And so we had our daughters and I was set with that.
• 9:14
  Cashlin: And then we found out we were pregnant with Obsidian Right off, like the beginning.
• 9:20
  Cashlin: The morning we found out that we were pregnant with him.
• 9:24
  Cashlin: Our like beloved cat got killed.
• 9:28
  Cashlin: That night and I like kept reminding myself a story of my friend who also the same exact thing happened with her cat and her son and she told me about an old folklore that like it's the cat spirit going to be with the unborn child to make sure that they pass safely into this life.
• 9:57
  Cashlin: And so that you know, was a piece that I, like, I, tried to keep with me.
• 10:02
  Cashlin: You know what I mean and thinking that, which made it easier.
• 10:06
  Cashlin: He, he, honestly, was a huge part of our family, this little cat.
• 10:11
  Cashlin: We loved him dearly.
• 10:12
  Cashlin: Um, he was such a baby, but, um, obsidian's pregnancy was during 2020, so it was covid, so everything was shut down.
• 10:26
  Cashlin: We had just moved from Brunswick to our first homestead in Gardner, and so we were on 20 acres and we had a big house and had just gotten out of the apartment and we were now, even so, I had a friend who was also going to Augusta and she had come from St Mary's also for her second child my best friend and so I decided to join her in Augusta for a little bit to see, you know, maybe, if I would have my baby there.
• 11:02
  Cashlin: Derek was never allowed with us at any other any other appointments because of the mandatory shutdown and stuff like that, but also the way that I had my three girls like so fast.
• 11:17
  Cashlin: We knew that it would be a really hard chance for all of us.
• 11:22
  Cashlin: It would be a really hard chance for all of us, like the girls would not even be allowed into the room, and that was bothersome to me, like when I had him because of COVID shutdown, and I didn't like that, and I because with the rest of them, no one else got there fast enough to get the girls so that we could deliver by ourselves.
• 11:43
  Cashlin: So the girls were in the room with us or like just outside of the door my dad just got there.
• 11:49
  Cashlin: So these were all things that I was taking into consideration as well, as I've always had a weird growth, like how they measure you and your growth.
• 12:04
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 12:04
  Cashlin: Like that's always.
• 12:05
  Cashlin: That was always weird with all of my children.
• 12:08
  Cashlin: I have a longer torso and you know.
• 12:11
  Cashlin: So, like right off the bat, they started off telling me that I was undersized the whole pregnancy.
• 12:18
  Cashlin: You're undersized, you're undersized, you're not measuring on Um.
• 12:23
  Cashlin: And then they were saying, though measuring my baby to be in the 40th percentile, and they would, and this happened in every, every single pregnancy.
• 12:34
  Cashlin: And so with deoda, they actually um wanted to induce me and I refused it and I did acupuncture instead, and 12 hours later after the acupuncture, I had her.
• 12:48
  Cashlin: I guess it's important to tell you I forgot to tell you this about introducing myself that I'm an herbalist and a naturopath, so I really tried to steer away from any medically induced routes, like I have not even had an IV while delivering any of my babies.
• 13:05
  Cashlin: So with Deoda and with all my children, they have measured them to be an eight pound child, but I've never had an eight pound child.
• 13:15
  Cashlin: I've always had six pounds, six and a half pounds.
• 13:18
  Cashlin: So it always happens right around the 32 weeks.
• 13:20
  Cashlin: They're measurements trying to tell me that my child has now gone from the 40th percentile to 10 percentile, so from having an eight pound baby to a four pound baby, and they don't have any reason for this.
• 13:39
  Cashlin: The blood flow is fine, the oxygen level is fine, everything, all the fluid, everything on ultrasounds are coming up fine.
• 13:54
  Cashlin: It's just all of a sudden their growth dropped under to the 10% and now they want to induce me and so I stopped there with deoda and I actually had to really advocate for myself.
• 14:11
  Cashlin: Um, they're very good for trying to help you advocate for yourself right from the beginning, but I really feel like childbirth is one of those things where women go into it and it's so westernized.
• 14:26
  Cashlin: They do anything that you, I mean I did with my first daughter.
• 14:31
  Cashlin: I was 22.
• 14:32
  Cashlin: It was new to me everything.
• 14:34
  Cashlin: I had her all natural, but I let them break my water.
• 14:38
  Cashlin: I would never do that again.
• 14:39
  Cashlin: I was laying down, would never do that again.
• 14:45
  Cashlin: You know her head was stuck.
• 14:48
  Cashlin: I should have gone in for an emergency cesarean but it was too late because they told me to keep pushing.
• 14:55
  Cashlin: So they just dislocated my pubic bone and I continued, and that's the worst story that I have was my first for that and so I really realized after my first you know, that not only are our bodies capable of, we really need to take our own health and our own body and our own responsibility.
• 15:17
  Cashlin: No one else is going to advocate for you, they're just going to send you through the line the way that the line goes.
• 15:25
  Cashlin: And so for me, every time I dropped down below that 30, that 32 weeks, every time I dropped down below what they were considering to be a 10 percentile and they just wanted to induce me just for the sake of inducing me.
• 15:42
  Cashlin: Um, that's when I really like had to advocate for myself and tell and explain to her the midwife that was on call.
• 15:50
  Cashlin: I remember the day we were in portland and the guy can't comes in the doctor.
• 15:56
  Cashlin: So he's not even my doctor, you know, we've never met him before.
• 15:59
  Cashlin: He has no idea that I've had two other children, that these girls have grown the same exact way you know, and that I've had all healthy babies.
• 16:09
  Cashlin: He has no idea that I've never had an eight pound baby and I've never had a four pound baby, that they've always been six and a half pounds and that they've always been wrong about these measurements and that they've always been wrong about these measurements and I knew this.
• 16:21
  Cashlin: But I still remember the doctor coming in.
• 16:23
  Cashlin: We'll never forget it because in our head he was just.
• 16:26
  Cashlin: He reminded us of the Monopoly man.
• 16:31
  Cashlin: He comes in with his suit and he goes you will not pass, go.
• 16:32
  Cashlin: You will not collect $200.
• 16:34
  Cashlin: You're going to have this baby today.
• 16:36
  Cashlin: I already called your midwife, we're signing you up.
• 16:38
  Cashlin: You're going into induced and I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, like I had no idea that any of that could have even happened, or that they were thinking that everything on the chart was showing that everything was fine.
• 16:51
  Cashlin: So I didn't understand that.
• 16:52
  Cashlin: I think it was my first real like battle with trusting my intuition over fear, because all these doctors are fearful.
• 17:02
  Cashlin: And now they're pressing that fear onto my husband who, like this is a whole new ballgame for us now, like he's having to trust me with his child's life that's inside of my body and I'm fearful Also, like am I making the right decision?
• 17:18
  Cashlin: Are they making the right decision?
• 17:20
  Cashlin: I don't know.
• 17:21
  Cashlin: And so that's really when I was like you know, I don't think they know what's right, and I called my midwife and I explained everything to her.
• 17:29
  Cashlin: She wasn't my midwife actually, like I explained, she was the head midwife, she was on call at the time, explained everything to her and she reviewed all my charts and called me back and she goes you know you're, you're right on everything you're saying.
• 17:46
  Cashlin: That's completely true and I'm going to trust you with this.
• 17:47
  Cashlin: You seem to know your body and you seem to know everything you're going through, and so I think that's fine.
• 17:51
  Cashlin: We just bring you in on Tuesday to have you checked, and I went into labor on Monday so I didn't have to, and actually she was the one who delivered my daughter also.
• 18:01
  Cashlin: And so that's kind of the backstory to abstaining and finding my own power.
• 18:10
  Cashlin: The couple appointments in Augusta I knew right away it wasn't for me that I can't have my baby here.
• 18:19
  Cashlin: I can't have my baby here.
• 18:21
  Cashlin: I can't have my baby here, I can't have him here alone.
• 18:22
  Cashlin: I remember it was right after one of the ultrasounds and they sent me up into the war and I'm like this is not it, this can't happen.
• 18:29
  Cashlin: And so we found a midwife who, like she's the best, uh, uh, she's just, she was just great.
• 18:36
  Cashlin: She took us on last minute.
• 18:39
  Cashlin: Her name's Rebecca.
• 18:40
  Cashlin: She took us on last minute.
• 18:44
  Cashlin: Her name's Rebecca.
• 18:45
  Cashlin: Honestly, I can't remember her last name.
• 18:45
  Cashlin: She's right out of Gardner, she has a services in Gardner and she's amazing and she took me on last minute.
• 18:51
  Cashlin: She took me on last minute like against all protocols of like her own doings, like she hadn't had any of these regular appointments with me, and so for the the last couple months, I did appointments with her and I did them at the hospital just to make sure.
• 19:05
  Cashlin: So we did a gender reveal for the first time with Obsidian, because Derek couldn't be there.
• 19:12
  Cashlin: It was our last chance to possibly have a boy, and so it was pretty exciting but nervous.
• 19:18
  Cashlin: Like I said, it was 2020.
• 19:20
  Cashlin: So we had a few of our closest family members come over and I have a grandfather who was an Olympic marksman.
• 19:27
  Cashlin: So for shooting, it's a thing that's been passed down through my family, and we were on 20 acres of field.
• 19:35
  Cashlin: So I don't know if you know what Tannerite is, but it's an explosive and some people do the gender reveals.
• 19:43
  Cashlin: They pack the Tannerite with the powdered chalk and we didn't know the gender and we had a friend set it up for us and I've honestly never seen Derek so nervous Because he was the one who was going to shoot it and it's 200 yards across the field and my dad is not.
• 20:01
  Cashlin: He's not an easy one to like went over.
• 20:04
  Cashlin: He's oh, don't miss it, don't miss it.
• 20:07
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 20:07
  Cashlin: The whole time and they don't tell you like it looks like a whole box that he has to hit, but you really have to hit just a quarter size on the box.
• 20:16
  Cashlin: You have to get a bullseye from 200 yards away in order to do it.
• 20:19
  Cashlin: But anyways, anyways, it happened and it exploded and it was blue and it was a boy.
• 20:24
  Cashlin: And it was one of the happiest moments, I think, for all of us.
• 20:28
  Cashlin: It was like we're all very over the moon, our whole family, like we're finally adding a boy to our family, um, to balance things out.
• 20:37
  Cashlin: And so that point we finally knew we were having a boy and we knew that his due date was June 24th, which was four days after Derek's birthday.
• 20:54
  Cashlin: So we knew that we were having a boy and he was going to be close to Derek's birthday, and so all of that was very exciting.
• 21:01
  Cashlin: That February, while I was pregnant with Obsidian, we had a cousin who passed away and his name was Nicholas Lee, and so we had decided to give Obsidian his middle name, which was Lee and my whole pregnancy.
• 21:21
  Cashlin: Every time anyone asked me what's your due date, I would always tell them my due date's the 24th, but if perfect things exist, he'll be born on the 20th, which is his dad's birthday, and I knew that there was a good chance that he would come around then because I had never gone to my due date with any of my kids.
• 21:42
  Cashlin: The closest I was was two days before, so I knew that I was somewhat close and I thought that I knew what perfect was, that if perfect things existed in this world, because one thing that, growing up, my dad always drilled into my head was if it seems too good to be true, it probably is, and I think that that's important, but I also think that it deters us away from shooting for things that are perfect in their own way.
• 22:14
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 22:15
  Cashlin: Like everything in life, no matter what you want to do, it's never going to be exactly perfect.
• 22:25
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 22:27
  Cashlin: But no matter how big or how small you get, you're there and you're doing it, and that's what you're spending your life doing.
• 22:37
  Cashlin: And if you're making it, doing it, then you're doing it, and that's a big lesson for all of us.
• 22:42
  Cashlin: Like.
• 22:42
  Cashlin: My husband was blue collar at BIW welding on the man's time for six years and he was not happy.
• 22:53
  Cashlin: But he's not happy with the schedule and so he does roofing now and it's his own schedule and he loves it and he can get the job done in as much time as he wants to and he's in control of it now and I think that really kind of set the tone for him.
• 23:12
  Cashlin: You know, to take control of your own life and whether you sink or float, you don't have to be the best at anything to be doing it.
• 23:23
  Cashlin: You don't have to be number one to do anything to landscaping.
• 23:28
  Cashlin: You know anything like that.
• 23:29
  Cashlin: If you're doing it and you're living your life like, I think it's important to sit back and find peace in that and, like, find that accomplishment already Instead of, like, striving for more and more and more and more.
• 23:43
  Cashlin: And so nick, who passed away, uh, has a brother named ben and ben's birthday is the day before derrick's and they were born the same exact year and so it was june 19th and so it was June 19th.
• 24:00
  Cashlin: Derek's birthday is the 20th and we had just viewed and put offers in on three houses.
• 24:08
  Cashlin: That day I went to view three houses and all of a sudden I get home and my water started to leak and that was the first time that my water had ever broke on its own, besides from like pushing and um, it was slow.
• 24:28
  Cashlin: And I called Rebecca and she told me you know well slow leaks could be another three days.
• 24:33
  Cashlin: Don't go getting all your ducks in a row yet.
• 24:36
  Cashlin: Stay calm like everything will be fine.
• 24:39
  Cashlin: But my mother-in-law was already at the house and I was like, oh well, hopefully it's soon because she's already here waiting, like to take care of the kids and stuff like that.
• 24:53
  Cashlin: So you know, the pressure was really all on me at this point, like I'm gonna have, um, my kid, and I think that one of the big reasons why Derek did want to have Obsidian at home is because with our girls, everything was so fast that I think I think couples really envision that of life is going to bring them closer, like going through birth together is going to really bring them closer, and it's not that like he wasn't my anchor lot of women's births for them, unfortunately and that we put so much fear into birth in today's society.
• 25:51
  Cashlin: And I try to tell anyone I know who's pregnant that if someone tries to start telling you a horror story, just tell them thanks, but no thanks.
• 26:01
  Cashlin: This isn't the time that you need to hear it and you don't need to take that on and that doesn't need to be your story.
• 26:07
  Cashlin: And I also try to remind them that it's just a matter of time.
• 26:13
  Cashlin: When you do interlabor, you know it's only a matter of time, and then it's all over with and it does all feel like a dream afterwards, especially the pain.
• 26:27
  Cashlin: So, derek and I, thinking that us having this baby at home was going to fulfill a bond in us that maybe wasn't already fulfilled, you know, in some sort of way wasn't already fulfilled.
• 26:46
  Cashlin: You know, in some sort of way, um, but I don't think it does and I am not sure that I don't.
• 26:49
  Cashlin: I mean it might for some women, but I really feel like um, it brings you closer to yourself and for me it's all an internal thing.
• 26:57
  Cashlin: It's so much of me and myself.
• 27:01
  Cashlin: And he's there for me as my advocate.
• 27:04
  Cashlin: You know he's my voice.
• 27:06
  Cashlin: I also don't talk a lot While I'm in labor every woman's different but I don't talk.
• 27:15
  Cashlin: I don't speak.
• 27:16
  Cashlin: I'm very euphoric.
• 27:19
  Cashlin: You know when, uh, when your body starts producing all those hormones and stuff and you get into your rhythmic breathing, you're just the captain sailing the vessel and and everything seems so out of touch, like even answering a question, like I can't break my trance of you know of anything, to like answer any questions, and so he's always been really good for me as an advocate that way.
• 27:52
  Cashlin: But I would have to say that each birth, despite me knowing that he's a great partner and seeing him be there for me and that he's a wonderful father, it's only ever brought me closer to myself and just knowing you know what our bodies are capable of and what nature is.
• 28:14
  Cashlin: And this was, our bathroom with the big tub was right outside the bedroom.
• 28:19
  Cashlin: Our bathroom with the big tub was right outside the bedroom.
• 28:26
  Cashlin: So I had done all the dishes, got my mother-in-law's bed ready, made dinner for that night and the night before, the night after, so that everyone was ready, and was texting my friend on the phone and I was like she's like what do you mean?
• 28:39
  Cashlin: You're crazy, you're really in phone.
• 28:40
  Cashlin: And I was like she's like what do you mean?
• 28:41
  Cashlin: You're crazy, you're really late.
• 28:42
  Cashlin: I'm like, yeah, I'm like I don't think it'll be long now.
• 28:44
  Cashlin: And then I told her I had to go get Derek.
• 28:48
  Cashlin: And then I sent her a picture of the baby 10 minutes later and she was just she's like only you, and that's, um, really kind of how it went.
• 28:58
  Cashlin: I woke, derek up and I was like you know what?
• 29:02
  Cashlin: I think it's time and I had always wanted a water birth Always.
• 29:10
  Cashlin: I'd always wanted a water birth With my first one.
• 29:13
  Cashlin: I got into the water and it was too hot and it made me nauseous and I got out and immediately had her.
• 29:20
  Cashlin: With the dream I was in the tub and the tub was filled and I started to scooch down into the tub and got in the tub, drain the tub and like everyone grabbed them and then with the Yoda there was only nurses, no doctor, so there's no chance of a tub.
• 29:38
  Cashlin: And so finally I was at home and I had the tub and I was getting in that tub Like I was going to have this baby in this tub.
• 29:48
  Cashlin: Obsidian was sunny side up and so that was pretty fearful for me, for you know I'd heard a bunch of things.
• 29:54
  Cashlin: He also was my hardest, my hardest pregnancy.
• 29:57
  Cashlin: So I think that the fear it's always there.
• 30:03
  Cashlin: I had had three kids and had them all natural, but I was still fearful of doing this again or this, any of it.
• 30:12
  Cashlin: There's always.
• 30:13
  Cashlin: There's always fear that you have to cast aside and um, and so I woke Derek up and and I got in the tub and he goes are, are you comfortable?
• 30:24
  Cashlin: And I said, no, I'm in the wrong position, I was laying down and I realized that that wasn't where I wanted to be instead of scooting, and he goes okay, well, let's move, and said I don't know if I can, and and it was just time, and I had him at 1140 at night on June 19th, which was Ben's birthday, which was Nick's brother who passed away, and it was just before Derek's birthday, and Derek wouldn't have to have Lyme disease and we didn't know it and there was no reason for his fever, so I would have been stranded and I had him at home and Rebecca wasn't there and Derek delivered him.
• 31:11
  Cashlin: It was just the two of us.
• 31:12
  Cashlin: Well, he's here and she came over and you know, we had 30 minutes of magic of just him and I and we did it like we did it, just us and he was born on his birthday.
• 31:25
  Cashlin: Close enough, that was Father's Day that year, and also the year that Derek was born was Father's Day, and so it was.
• 31:33
  Cashlin: You know, it was very magical in that sense and it being on ben's birthday, I think, was um, a reminder that we don't always know what perfect is, because I thought perfect would have been on derrick's birthday, but he was named after ben's brother who passed away, and the fact that he was born on Ben's birthday really rekindled that relationship for Derek and for Ben.
• 32:05
  Cashlin: Derek's lost two brothers to an overdose now, and Ben had lost Nick the same way, and so Obsidian has really, like, has brought them back together and I just honestly, I can't help but wonder every single day if it was Nick, you know, who wanted them to be together again.
• 32:28
  Cashlin: And he's just amazing, he's wild, he's, he's a ham bone, which my youngest now starts calling him a ham chick.
• 32:39
  Cashlin: I don't know where she got that from, but, uh, I would love to say that he's not spoiled, but he has three older sisters and he's beyond spoiled.
• 32:47
  Cashlin: He's the ruler of the roost, um, but he definitely completes us and is just a reminder every day that, uh, we don't know what perfect is, but that's perfect does exist.
• 33:05
  Cashlin: My postpartum actually was one of the hardest for me.
• 33:10
  Cashlin: He was sunny side up and, after having three girls.
• 33:15
  Cashlin: I had torn with Treeland.
• 33:18
  Cashlin: I tore up and had stitches and I over metabolize local general anesthesia, so I feel the stitches usually because they just can't give me enough at that time to like really help it.
• 33:36
  Cashlin: And that was a tree linen with deoda and dream I was fine, so I really didn't expect tearing.
• 33:42
  Cashlin: But I think it was because I had got stuck in that downward position and, um, I was laying down and I think it had something to do with him being sunny side up, which they say happens, and so I didn't tear like into the muscle tissue or whatever, but there was just like a little flap of skin at the bottom of like my vagina and vulva and it like teared that way.
• 34:12
  Cashlin: So it just made like a little flap and Rebecca had asked me then if I wanted to go into the hospital to get it taken care of and stitched up.
• 34:20
  Cashlin: And I remember telling her then like no, absolutely not, there's nothing that could really drag me to a hospital at this point, as long as we're all healthy and safe and everything.
• 34:29
  Cashlin: And we were, and I just remember my first shower that I was like three days later, where I was like actually brave enough to like you know a little bit, explore down there or whatever, and I don't know why, um, but it just bothered me so much.
• 34:46
  Cashlin: I mean, obviously it was worse than two.
• 34:48
  Cashlin: It still hadn't had a chance to heal, but I cried and I cried and I cried that my body would never be the same again.
• 34:57
  Cashlin: And you know what?
• 34:59
  Cashlin: Um, our body changes so much in other ways every day, like little by little by little, in such more drastic ways than a small vaginal tear.
• 35:13
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 35:14
  Cashlin: I know that it was silly at the time.
• 35:18
  Cashlin: I knew that I would never be with another partner, so I didn't have to ever worry about that.
• 35:27
  Cashlin: I didn't ever have to worry about anything to anyone else or anything like that.
• 35:32
  Cashlin: But still, it's just.
• 35:33
  Cashlin: It's a hard thing to do to sacrifice a part of your body.
• 35:37
  Cashlin: That was really the hardest part for me.
• 35:42
  Cashlin: I feel much better now.
• 35:44
  Cashlin: It's healed.
• 35:45
  Cashlin: Well, I don't notice it at all.
• 35:47
  Angela: You know what I?
• 35:48
  Cashlin: mean it doesn't interfere with anything and stuff like that, but I do remember that and having a good few sobs and sobs and sobs about it, just like, did I make the mistake?
• 36:00
  Cashlin: Should I have gone to the hospital?
• 36:02
  Cashlin: But I knew that I didn't, I I wouldn't change it now.
• 36:06
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 36:06
  Cashlin: Like I still wouldn't change it now.
• 36:08
  Cashlin: Um, but postpartum can definitely always be a hard one.
• 36:14
  Cashlin: I think it was hardest for me with dream, because because with treeland, derek had Treeland's, not biologically Derek's and so he came into her life when she was two.
• 36:30
  Cashlin: And then, with Dream, I had to share her with this whole family that I wasn't even comfortable with yet.
• 36:37
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 36:37
  Cashlin: Like I had I barely really knew them or anything like that and so to have them come into my house and to keep grabbing my baby, grabbing my baby, grabbing my baby, it's like, oh, and just like the visitors on top of visitors, um, that one was really hard for me and I remember two days into, nursing her.
• 36:59
  Cashlin: I had tendonitis so bad on my arm and my shoulder, like it just burned, so bad from holding her for so long and actually now I just stopped nursing.
• 37:13
  Cashlin: Obsidian on national breastfeeding week was our weaning week, so that's the end of my nursing journey for my four beautiful children.
• 37:24
  Cashlin: I think it was a sentimental week.
• 37:27
  Cashlin: It was very, some very small things in life can just put so much thought into your head.
• 37:37
  Cashlin: And the week that I was stopping my breastfeeding journey with my son who is the hardest to stop my daughters were like oh, you're gone for a week, come back.
• 37:50
  Cashlin: That's fine, I don't care, he just wailed and wailed and I just said last night when I was holding him and he just went to sleep in my arms it's just so good for you to not cry yourself to sleep over anymore and to not be heartbroken anymore.
• 38:05
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 38:06
  Cashlin: But it was definitely time for both of us.
• 38:09
  Cashlin: He was two and I just wasn't producing the way that I was, so that was very uncomfortable for me when I was nursing.
• 38:17
  Cashlin: But while on this subject, I think that it's important to bring awareness to the fact that from nursing all those years, I developed a reverse curvature in my neck and it caused acid reflex for me and like a feeling of having like a lump in my throat.
• 38:38
  Cashlin: And I finally went into the chiropractor by chance, like for something else, and she took x-rays after going to the doctors and then, like doing GERD tests and everything, wanting to put me on prescriptions for like listen, I don't eat anything in my diet, like that should be giving me, you know, heartburn or anything like this.
• 39:02
  Cashlin: I don't understand.
• 39:03
  Cashlin: And and they just want to give me a prescription.
• 39:05
  Cashlin: And I finally went to the chiropractor and she's like, oh, your, your neck is literally almost in opposite curvature of the way that it's supposed to be.
• 39:14
  Cashlin: And she fixed that for me and 30 minutes after my adjustment, the lump in my throat went away.
• 39:22
  Cashlin: 30 minutes after my adjustment, the lump in my throat went away and I haven't had heartburn since.
• 39:27
  Cashlin: Also, I had not had a period since I had obsidian until she fixed that curvature in my neck for me and when I came up off from the table, I instantly had left ovary pain, instantly, like left ovary pain instantly.
• 39:41
  Cashlin: And then I had my period three weeks later.
• 39:44
  Cashlin: So like I instantly went into ovulation after she fixed that curvature in my neck for me and like just makes you wonder how many people that have.
• 39:55
  Cashlin: You know issues getting pregnant and stuff like that.
• 39:58
  Cashlin: That could be something as simple as that instead of getting hormonal treatment.
• 40:02
  Cashlin: Could be something as simple as that instead of getting hormonal treatment.
• 40:05
  Cashlin: Um, I know for me we didn't get pregnant with dream.
• 40:07
  Cashlin: For two years we both had to quit dairy.
• 40:08
  Cashlin: Dairy causes ovarian cysts and the stomach bacteria is sexually transmitted.
• 40:13
  Cashlin: So I know we found out that derrick had lyme.
• 40:19
  Cashlin: Thankfully it was at the end of our pregnancy and we also had not been sexually active, because this isn't stuff that they're really telling anyone.
• 40:28
  Cashlin: I learned that from the midwives because it's passed down through breast milk.
• 40:32
  Angela: Do you mind sharing how he ended up treating the Lyme?
• 40:36
  Cashlin: He didn't want to go in at first, but my dad's like that looks like a spider bite and if it is, then they might have to cut a piece of your leg out.
• 40:42
  Cashlin: At which point he was like oh no, and he went right in and, um, he did take the two weeks of the antibiotics, I think right away, just to help him, but I'm not never actually like rids your body of lime.
• 41:00
  Cashlin: It just stops the infection outbreak.
• 41:02
  Cashlin: Um, so we did do an herbal thing.
• 41:05
  Cashlin: It's called oh, I think it's called dragon's blood or something like that.
• 41:11
  Cashlin: It has a um, it has a picture of a dragon dragon botanicals maybe it's a herbal remedy that the doctor made strictly for Lyme disease.
• 41:24
  Cashlin: The guy who um made it and it's it's a bunch of herbal stuff that um, uh, like Japanese knotweed like that's an American Japanese knotweed actually is one of the best cures for Lyme.
• 41:39
  Cashlin: That's in it and all the other stuff in it, and it's aimed right to it.
• 41:43
  Cashlin: This, um, you can buy it online and they do have um like overnight or like next day shipping if you want to pay like the extra $25 for it.
• 41:52
  Cashlin: I suggest anyone who has Lyme disease to take the course of this stuff.
• 41:58
  Cashlin: Um, I actually just been reminding Derek, um, because Lyme stays with you, you know, just kind of like mono or anything like that, like it's an underlying thing that stays with you.
• 42:07
  Cashlin: They recommend, you know, you do the the first, like bottle to rid your stomach of it, and then every six months to a year you do like another three week course of it or whatever, just to help maintain and like uptake for it.
• 42:21
  Cashlin: And I think that it is important because the neurological suffering from Lyme disease is something that is so not seen and misdiagnosed for like many, many years, like the brain fog you know what I mean or just stuff like that.
• 42:40
  Cashlin: Um, I noticed it with Derek's memory like he used to remember everything, like very like on point things, and then like him just being like you never told me that, you never told me that, you never told me, and I'm like I think it's time for you to like do another dose of that or whatever like that.
• 42:57
  Cashlin: And um, I mean, I'm a very aware person and not everyone is like that, and also we don't run the nine to five game, so I think it's more easier for us to identify things that are out of trait for us because we're not pushing through with the wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed, wake up, go.
• 43:21
  Cashlin: You know what I mean.
• 43:21
  Cashlin: Like we, we have found um our own schedule, and so that schedule includes healing and rest, and, um, when you have those things, I think it's easier to notice when you're out of balance and not just worn down from society.
• 43:46
  Angela: Yeah, wow, that's really interesting.
• 43:49
  Angela: So then, as my final question, if you were to give advice to someone that's expecting or a new parent, what would be your overall advice?
• 44:00
  Cashlin: Do the hypnobirthing.
• 44:01
  Cashlin: It's such a powerful thing, it's manifesting, it's worked for me on so many aspects of life.
• 44:08
  Cashlin: I learned it while pregnant with my first daughter, while going to a regular uh doctors, you know, and they don't have it anymore.
• 44:16
  Cashlin: But in the book it's proven and they talk about how this is how olympic train.
• 44:21
  Cashlin: They picture themselves winning the gold over and over and over again.
• 44:24
  Cashlin: But I think it's important, while doing your own hypnobirthing and visualizing your own birth over and over again, to have your partner do it too you know what I mean and to you picture it how you want it to go, but you leave room for the unknown.
• 44:41
  Cashlin: You know and and always hold that sacred space for it, but also know that overall you're gonna get through it.
• 44:49
  Cashlin: Like you're gonna make it through it.
• 44:51
  Cashlin: Like, do the hypnobirthing and don't listen to the bad stories because you don't need to take on that energy.
• 45:00
  Cashlin: You know the hypnobirthing is very powerful and, like I said, I've used it time and time again since then and it's just a.
• 45:09
  Cashlin: It's a great outlook on birth and it's a great practice and I think during it you also have to visualize yourself going through something that you don't even know what it is.
• 45:25
  Cashlin: Yet you know what I mean and, like you're, you have to visualize the uh, there is no triumph without like fault or without.
• 45:36
  Cashlin: You know there's there, you, you don't.
• 45:39
  Cashlin: You don't win victory if you never fought a battle Like that type of thing.
• 45:44
  Cashlin: Does that make sense?
• 45:45
  Cashlin: Like there's no triumph at the end of the pregnancy if you didn't go through something to get there.
• 45:58
  Cashlin: So know that you try to hinder that fear, and I think the hypnobirthing is what helps me with that was to let go of that fear.
• 46:03
  Cashlin: You know what I mean and to visualize that, yes, it's going to happen.
• 46:09
  Cashlin: There will be pain and there will be uncomfortableness, but at the end of the vision is me holding my baby.
• 46:19
  Cashlin: At the end of the vision is victory.
• 46:21
  Cashlin: At the end of the vision there's a type of love that you don't even know, that your body and your heart and your soul are missing and you feel a sense of fulfillment.
• 46:31
  Cashlin: You know that you didn't, that you didn't know you're missing.
• 46:37
  Angela: Yeah, and also I think it's important for people to know like when they think of hypnobirthing, they're like I got to take a hypnobirthing class and that's not true.
• 46:45
  Angela: You can just go to YouTube, go to Spotify type in hypnobirthing and you can just start listening to those tracks and manifesting.
• 46:52
  Angela: You also can buy the old books.
• 46:54
  Angela: Yeah, there's so many ways to access it.
• 46:56
  Angela: Totally agree, I love hypnobirthing.
• 46:58
  Angela: I I think I tell everybody about that, and that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast.
• 47:06
  Angela: Thank you for joining me and listening.
• 47:09
  Angela: If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom, and check out my packages.
• 47:22
  Angela: I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide.
• 47:35
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• 47:40
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• 47:50
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• 47:51
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• 48:01
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• 48:03
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• 48:06
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• 48:13
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