Latest / PNW Haunts & Homicides / Normandale Park Shooting: Pt. 2 – Two Tales of One City

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Normandale Park Shooting: Pt. 2 – Two Tales of One City · PNW Haunts & Homicides

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This is the Normandale Park, part two.
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Despite having reviewed the footage, an early statement issued by Portland's police
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chief following the incident described Smith's attack as a confrontation between an armed
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homeowner and armed protesters.
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Okay.
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An armed homeowner would be the violent, "Yeah, man, we'll be Smith."
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Okay.
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A protestor would be, you know, the unarmed protest organizers.
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Right.
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Hi, Cassie.
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Hi, Caitlyn.
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Hi, creepy people.
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Hello.
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Hello.
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This is PNW Haunts and Homicides, where we chat about true crime, the paranormal, and all
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things spooky in the Pacific Northwest.
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Yes, we do, and we also do a tarot reading.
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Oh, wait, the PNW, if you're nasty.
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PNW.
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If you're nasty.
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If you're nasty.
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Hey, if you're nasty.
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Hey, and we do a tarot reading on the end of every episode for a little deeper insight
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into our topic.
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Yep.
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That was truly excited to talk about tarot again.
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She was so excited.
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All right.
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So, this is the Norman Dill Park, part two, and I'm just going to get right into it, really.
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Yeah, I feel like I just need to know the rest of the story.
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In the days, immediately following the Norman Dill Park shooting, Portland's activist
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community was reeling.
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The death of Juneteer ex-nightly, the critical injury sustained and trauma-endured by so many
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others created shockwaves that could not be contained to the boundaries of the park.
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Reporters scrambled for details, law enforcement issued their first statements, and survivors
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struggled to process what had just happened.
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Still, this was not the type of group to pack up and leave quietly, even in the face of
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such horrific adversity, though it would certainly be understandable.
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Yeah, but I definitely can't see them as that type anyway, because they're already facing
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horrific adversity, so.
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Yeah.
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I mean, the impulse is understandable, but they didn't.
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They sure didn't.
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All of Junete's friends went back to quarking within three months' time.
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Even Deg was able to participate via live stream after being left paralyzed after the
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events of that night.
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Let's backtrack ever so slightly.
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The night of the shooting, Hope hit surrender to authorities at 8.27 pm and was charged with
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two felonies.
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Hope was?
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Yep.
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Wasn't that one other people helping?
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Like helping?
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Correct.
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Okay.
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Because the gunshots were indistinguishable from...
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They did technically fire upon someone at the scene.
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Uh-oh.
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They immediately asked for legal counsel.
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Within hours, the charges were dropped.
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One's law enforcement and prosecutors were able to view the footage that Deja had recorded
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of the incident.
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Oh, thank God.
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Oh, thank God.
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Thank Jesus Christ.
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Jesus.
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I don't often thank God, but for some reason that can't happen.
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No, I don't know.
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No, no.
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You're good over me.
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I feel like it's that deeply embedded.
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Yeah.
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Like sometimes it just slips out and you're like, oh, thank God.
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Thank the universe.
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Despite having reviewed the footage, an early statement issued by Portland's police chief
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following the incident described Smith's attack as a confrontation between an armed home
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owner and armed protesters.
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Okay.
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An armed homeowner would be the violent...
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Yeah, man.
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Would be Smith.
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Okay.
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And the armed protestor...that would be, you know, the unarmed protest organizers.
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Right.
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Got it.
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The news coverage that immediately followed the incident similarly continued to mischaracterize
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the events of that February evening.
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Smith was, of course, taken into custody following the shooting as well.
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Having been shot in the hip by the volunteer guard who acted to stop his rampage, he was
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hospitalized but survived.
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Fortunately, or unfortunately, whichever way you land on that.
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And shortly thereafter was charged with multiple counts, second degree murder for the killing
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of Juneteer ex-nightly, attempted murder for the attacks on other demonstrators and assault
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charges.
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In early court appearances, Smith pleaded not guilty.
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Okay.
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Confused.
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I have confusion on my face if in the words we're coming.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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I agree.
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I feel like sometimes it's great if like catch the YouTube if the silence is too awkward on,
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you know, Spotify or Apple.
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Confusion.
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Yes.
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I have confusion.
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It quickly became clear that the story of Benjamin Jeff Christmas did not start on February
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19th, 2022.
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This was not an isolated act of violence and there's actually multiple acts of violence that
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I didn't even include that have been talked about in some places.
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And I just didn't find a ton of source material on it.
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And I also just felt like I don't know how relevant it is, but I'm spice to say that he
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has just been a kind of violent dude for a minute.
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I mean, I'm shocked.
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I know.
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The sky would just randomly got so violent so quickly for basically no reason.
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It's weird.
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Weird how that doesn't happen overnight.
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Yeah, it's weird.
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Indeed, my notes say instead it was the culmination of years of warning signs, red flags, and systemic
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failures.
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The case moves slowly through Oregon's judicial system, but in April 2023, Smith changed his
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plea to guilty or accurate.
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Yeah, guilty.
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Yeah, he did it.
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I'll be the one.
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I assume.
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I mean, I trust all the, yeah, the person that you're telling me.
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There's literally body cam footage of him being the one doing it.
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So it's kind of what I heard.
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It's pretty compelling.
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He was sentenced to life in prison with a possibility of parole after 55 years.
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Effectively, this ensures that people spend the rest of his life behind bars.
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I mean, I'm fine with that.
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I'm okay with it.
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I've made my peace with it.
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The judge also reserved $58,000 in restitution for the victims through the state's crime victims
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compensation fund.
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Which is not a lot of money for how many people were shot.
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I was about to say how many people was that again?
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Question my voice gets really high.
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I'm wrong.
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One of the most harrowing stories is that of Deg.
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Shot in the neck, she was paralyzed from the neck down.
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She survived only through intensive medical intervention and lived with the constant support
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of ventilators and caregivers.
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Deg fought bravely.
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Friends, family and fellow activists described her as resilient, funny, and determined to live
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even under impossible circumstances.
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Deg's injuries left her unable to go more than an hour without the support of others.
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Her complications were constant, repeated bouts of pneumonia, additional hospitalizations,
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and the daily challenges of a truly life-changing injury.
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She had lost so much control.
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Her mother said, requesting that neither her name nor her daughter's name, their full
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names, be used to protect their privacy.
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Deg reportedly hosted a birthday party for herself where she invited 40 of her family
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and friends.
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For the first time in two and a half years, she was able to enjoy her loved ones without
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a mask.
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There was no fear.
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Her mother said, this was something that was her decision.
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I couldn't argue with her, but we miss her desperately.
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In July of 2024, Deg made the decision to be removed from life support.
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She passed away shortly thereafter in her childhood home.
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Her death was officially ruled a homicide.
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Directly linked to the injury she sustained in the Norman Del Park shooting.
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Clearly.
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That meant the tragedy claimed the second life.
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Her devastating blow for Portland's activist community.
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What was it just because she was having complication?
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Like, she was no.
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She was complication.
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She was permanently paralyzed from the neck down.
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She had just suffered a lot in the short time since the shooting.
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From the very beginning, the Portland Police Bureau mishandled the public narrative of
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the Norman Del Park shooting.
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I can't help but notice that you don't look surprised.
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I mean, I don't.
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I mean, I'm not.
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No.
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I'm not.
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And I don't.
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I'm not.
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I don't.
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Their first press release described the incident as a confrontation between an armed homeowner
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and armed protesters.
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And this description was flatly inaccurate.
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That makes it sound like they were like intruding on his home.
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Right.
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It's important because they don't outright say that, but words matter.
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Yep.
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Yeah.
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And people are going to take away tone that you may not even realize is being implied.
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I just.
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Yeah.
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Like, what is what is him being a homeowner have to do with anything about the situation?
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Well, here's the funny thing.
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Next sentence.
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Okay.
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Sorry.
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I'm getting out.
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No.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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I'm not going to be a homeowner.
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She says, "Not only is Smith not a homeowner, we were not armed.
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We were in a public space.
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We were on a road next to a public park.
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We never entered his personal space.
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We never threatened him.
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None of us approached him.
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It was him acting towards us and us defending ourselves."
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Literally.
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Like, yeah.
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The footage in real time to prove this.
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If he's not even a fucking homeowner, why other than to make that sound like how it sounds.
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And maybe that was just confusion in the early reporting.
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I want to believe that.
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Okay.
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Cool.
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Confusion.
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Fix it.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Smith was not a homeowner.
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He was a tenant in a nearby apartment.
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And aside from one volunteer guard who returned fire, the demonstrators were not armed.
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Yeah.
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And I think we can say that with some confidence because when the authorities showed up at the scene,
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if there were additional weapons, that would have been noted.
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Yeah.
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Everyone's vehicles would have been searched.
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Well, they took what the one other person who did have a gun, right?
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Yep.
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And it was arrested.
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A rest of that person.
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A rest it and charged with multiple felonies.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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So, yeah, which is fair, they have to, you know, act in a certain level of caution.
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But if there were more weapons, they would have known about it.
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Or wouldn't they?
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Can't have it both ways.
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Like, are you not good at searching people's cars at a crime scene?
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Anyway.
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They were neighbors, activists, and volunteers gathered to support a community march.
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The framing by PPP did more than just misspeak.
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It implied that those shot bore responsibility for their own injuries.
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Yeah.
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And there's a very upsetting statement that was made by Ted Wheeler.
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I believe within just months of this shooting where he basically said that, you know, protesters
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were getting out of control.
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And people needed to kind of take justice into their own hands.
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What does that mean?
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What do you think it?
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I mean, to the right or the wrong person, those mean very different things.
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Yeah.
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But I remember watching the forensic architecture documentary.
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And Deja said, I remember watching that and thinking he's going to get somebody killed.
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For her, it was like, he's going to get one of my friends killed.
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Seriously.
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For survivors and families, this felt like salt in the wound.
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June T. Rex Knightley was memorialized as a generous, joyful figure in Portland's activist
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community.
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Deg and the others who were injured were left to fight for their lives.
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To see them described as though they were the aggressors while Smith's role was softened
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into that of a supposedly embattled homeowner, absolutely infuriating forensic architectures
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reconstruction and eyewitness testimony helped community activists who immediately pushed
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back on this framing.
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Journalists and survivors alike pointed out that the Bureau's language played into a long
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history of law enforcement minimizing or misrepresenting far-right violence while painting
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racial justice activists in a negative light.
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It took nearly three years for Portland police leadership to acknowledge this misrepresentation.
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And how much damage was done in that three years because of people who thought that?
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In January 2025, chief Bob Day issued a formal apology admitting that the Bureau's early
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statements about Normand Dill Park had been wrong and harmful.
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Day said press releases issued in the hours after the February shooting in Northeast Portland
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had described the victim as "armed protesters."
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When in fact they were unarmed, traffic safety volunteers, known as "corkers."
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Words matter.
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And I'm glad the statement was issued, but it feels like a couple years late and therefore
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a few bucks short.
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Sorry, but yeah, they weren't even the demonstrators, the protesters.
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They were non-protecting them.
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They were people trying to help direct traffic safely, help people that are protesting
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peacefully as is their literal constitutional right do so safely.
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But by then the damage was already done.
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Called it.
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Who could have called it?
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I could cast the over here.
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Survivors and activists said the apology felt perfunctory and far too late.
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Trust had already eroded and the community felt retraumatized by the delay.
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In the eyes of many, the apology read as "a bureaucratic necessity rather than a genuine
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reckoning with harm caused."
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Perhaps most devastating revelations after the shooting were not just about what happened
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in Normand Dill Park, but about what had been known about Benjamin Jeffriesmith long before
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February 2022.
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Smith was not an unknown figure to law enforcement.
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Beginning as early as 2006, tips were filed with the FBI about his violent rhetoric and
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extremist behavior online.
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Over the years, multiple reports painted a picture of someone steeped in far-right ideology,
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expressing violent fantasies and making threats.
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By 2021, Smith had attracted enough concern that FBI agents actually interviewed him as
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a part of a threat assessment.
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Wow.
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They didn't get him.
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They found him troubling, but concluded that he did not meet the threshold for continued
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investigation.
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I'm curious what that threshold is and how close to it he was.
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It's tough.
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Until you actually hurt someone, I don't think you should treat people like they're going
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to cause a crime or do a crime.
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It's tough.
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Yeah.
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The FBI standard is that there must be clear evidence of an eminent threat, an eminent
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federal crime, or national security threat.
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Smith was only making general threats online without a specific plot.
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They closed the inquiry.
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You can't fucking arrest every troll, right?
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It wasn't just strangers or internet users raising alarms, though.
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Smith's own cousin called Portland's non-emergency line in 2021 to report that Smith had made death
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threats.
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And though it's unclear why, that tip went nowhere.
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Though it is clear that multiple red flags existed, the public record does not definitively
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show what became of the cousin's call or whether law enforcement locally pursued it aggressively.
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Jurisdictional questions and delays seem to have played a role, but the exact path from
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report to response remains murky, which is a polite way of saying who the fuck knows?
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I mean, that makes sense for something that seems to not have gone anywhere.
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That they wouldn't track how it got to get nowhere.
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Some reporting that I saw indicates that the PPP transferred that report to Indiana police
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because that's where he had previously been living, which I don't know.
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I don't know.
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That's just something I read.
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I can't differentiate that.
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You do, I should.
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Indiana?
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Yeah.
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I mean, it's not unlike police bullshit that we've heard about so many times, but I can't
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substantiate that.
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Right.
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But could have happened.
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Good?
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Sure could.
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It doesn't even feel unlikely.
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But the result is what security experts call the known wolf problem.
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These are not people who appear out of nowhere.
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They are people well documented by law enforcement, but who nevertheless go on to commit horrific
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acts of violence.
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In Smith's case, he was a known wolf for more than a decade, yet because he never quite
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tripped the narrow thresholds for federal action, he was allowed to slip through the cracks.
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The FBI argues that civil liberties and constitutional protections limit how far they can go in monitoring
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someone like Smith without clear evidence of crime, which may hold the grain of truth
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under a previous administration.
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Why is making threats not a crime?
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I mean, in certain instances, it is.
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If they're vague enough, it's not.
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I feel like any sort of threat.
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I feel like that should be just a crime.
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It's hard to prosecute if there's not a specifically identifiable victim or potential
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victim.
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Can't, I mean, give a ticket.
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Something.
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Something.
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I know.
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I mean, if I speed, I get a ticket, but someone who threatens people online doesn't get a ticket.
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It's hard.
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It's hard.
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I'm not saying it makes sense.
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Caitlin, fix our justice system right now.
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But for Portland's activist community and for the families of June Nightly and Dague,
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this explanation likely rings hollow.
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It's difficult to fathom how someone could honestly have been repeatedly reported, interviewed
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by the FBI as an official threat assessment and flagged by his own family and yet still
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managed to carry out such a violent attack.
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The answer lies in how American law enforcement and intelligence agencies historically prioritize
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threats.
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Many experts argue that American law enforcement and intelligence agencies have historically
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been slower to respond to far-right threats than other forms of extremism, especially in
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cases where warning signs were vague or the threats presented themselves online.
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In some instances, people making these warnings say they felt those reports were treated as
23:04
nu-senses rather than urgent red flags.
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For the survivors of Norman Del Park, this is more than an academic point.
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It is a matter of life and death and a matter of trust.
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And when law enforcement compounds the harm by misrepresenting what happened, as PPP did,
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trust erodes even further.
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This case is another haunting example of a man known for his rage and extremism reported
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again and again and yet still managed to kill and maim his neighbors.
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It leaves the community asking not just how this was allowed to happen, but whether those
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tasked with preventing such violence ever truly took the threat seriously.
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Clearly not.
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And it's hard because I realize that in order to live in a country where we have rights
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there are going to be restrictions and you're not going to be able to stop every crime.
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That's not what anyone I think in their right mind would set out to do.
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But it seems like we got a lot of white guys with guns slipping through the cracks.
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Weird.
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Anybody want to take a look at that?
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I think so was going on here.
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As part two of this story draws to a close, the violent acts of one man continue to cause
24:39
a lingering ripple effect.
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Smith was no mystery.
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He was someone the FBI had interviewed, someone family had reported, someone whose rhetoric
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was public and extreme and hateful.
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And yet when it mattered, he was treated as just another angry voice on the internet.
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He will be known for his being disrage and bigotry if it's the last goddamn thing I do.
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His victims were and are people that cared about others, their community, equity and justice.
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And they themselves were traumatized by not only that evil man, but also re-victimized by
25:30
the very same insensitive system they hoped could be changed for the better.
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For Portland's activist community, the Norman Dill Park shooting is remembered not only
25:41
for the lives lost and forever changed, but also for how law enforcement institutions
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failed them twice.
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Just by not heating warnings about Smith and then by misrepresenting what happened on February
25:58
19th, 2022.
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And yet in the wake of unimaginable tragedy and violence, there is resilience.
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June T. Rex Knightley is remembered for her kindness and commitment to keeping others
26:16
safe.
26:21
Digg is remembered for her humor and bravery, even the face of paralysis.
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Survivors continue to tell the truth of what happened, refusing to allow PPP's early
26:33
narrative to define the tragedy.
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And this is the tension at the heart of so many stories that we tell on this show.
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This is the cruelty of violence set against the persistence of community.
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For every systemic failure, there are people that step up and they take care of other people.
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They care for one another.
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For every misrepresentation, there are witnesses and survivors insisting on accuracy.
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What happened at Norman Dale Park is irreversible.
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Lives were stolen and futures reshaped.
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But the story doesn't end there.
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It lives on in the memory of the community that refuses to let silence or misrepresentation
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erase the truth.
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To honor them means not just telling the story, but insisting that it be heard, fully,
27:47
clearly, and without distortion.
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Like you're doing.
27:53
Well, please.
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Yeah.
27:55
I mean, try and guess.
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Yes.
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You are.
27:59
I mean, as I understand the facts, but it's just...
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It's crazy to me.
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Like how many people have just still just don't know.
28:09
They remember the story that they heard a few years ago about how these protesters shot
28:15
a homeowner.
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How ever it goes, that's what they're going to remember.
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And that's very much part of the narrative about how Antifa is taking over Portland.
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This is why I had people in LA texting me asking me, like, are you okay?
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You can come stay with me.
28:35
Yeah.
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A lot of people.
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A lot of people here.
28:39
Yeah.
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And it was, you know, it was a scary time.
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Like you don't exactly know what's going on all the time, but yeah.
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Like it's just so dangerous to, I think, just misinformation.
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Like steer people away from protesting too.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Extremely important.
28:59
Like why do you want us to not do that?
29:02
Right now, in particular.
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Yeah.
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And I don't think that when I started working on this case, I realized fully the broader implications
29:16
of so much of it to what's happening in such a big dramatic and scary, scary way right
29:26
now.
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And it just seems to get scarier every day.
29:30
And it's hard to know how anything that you say will maybe tie into something that's going
29:36
to happen a week from now.
29:37
Because who fucking knows?
29:39
It's, I don't say that.
29:40
Like, not where's the wood coming off in the wood.
29:42
No, I mean, it's like, it's a kangaroo court where I mean, people are making shit up as
29:49
they go.
29:50
And it's scary times.
29:54
It's scary times.
29:55
And this happened, you know, just a couple of years ago.
29:59
And it happened a couple of years ago.
30:01
And the apology was this year, less than nine months ago, the apology was issued.
30:08
Like think about something that could be happening right now, like protest that could be happening
30:12
right now where the same thing happens.
30:14
Yep.
30:15
And then you're thinking that the wrong side was the what, you know what I mean?
30:20
Yep.
30:21
You're thinking that the right people are on the wrong side.
30:24
Yeah.
30:25
For three years, however many years.
30:27
And for some people, that perception is just never going to be corrected.
30:33
Yeah.
30:34
I say it all the time, but words matter.
30:38
And I'm not here, certainly not advocating for censorship, but fuck, it's obviously,
30:47
we know that's, I feel so stupid for saying we're not advocating for censorship.
30:53
I mean, but you're saying words matter, like we don't want you to not like have the option
31:00
to say certain words or, you know, just say the words in the right way.
31:04
I just, I just feel like right now, sometimes I have to say things that feel like to me they're
31:10
obvious.
31:12
And sometimes I have to say things because I just, I mean, I don't know.
31:18
I just, I hate to be over the top, but I just, I feel like sometimes I'm like, what if I
31:25
don't have the chance to say this later?
31:28
Yeah.
31:29
I don't know like how people are going to take things because we know like there's people
31:33
on the other side of us who are also terrified and scared about how their world is going to.
31:38
And so they can look at us and what we're saying and be like, see, they want censorship.
31:43
And yeah, so you know, that's where we're coming from.
31:47
Yeah.
31:48
The world is scary and I would like to take a nap.
31:54
Everyone's scared of each other.
31:55
And you know what?
31:56
We all should just take a nap together.
31:57
And then I think like a universal nap time would do us all a lot.
32:02
Can we all just take a nap?
32:05
Ciesta.
32:06
Fucking genius.
32:07
Just follow.
32:08
Oh God.
32:09
There's a culture that got it right.
32:11
I was just thinking.
32:13
I'm like, I don't know if everything else in that country is fucked, but they got that
32:17
right.
32:18
That seems good to me.
32:19
I don't know.
32:20
I'm not a great napper.
32:21
I'm not great at it.
32:22
Or just rest.
32:23
Just rest.
32:24
Just rest.
32:25
But also if I was raised from birth, taking naps, and that was like the culture.
32:33
Yeah.
32:34
Maybe.
32:35
I don't know.
32:36
Bit of a tangent.
32:37
If you're not a nap, or maybe you know, have a little afternoon delay.
32:40
Oh, by yourself or with white.
32:43
Oh, my God.
32:44
Shame me out.
32:45
Okay.
32:46
I have a white dog over here.
32:47
She is like, cannot get herself back up into the bed.
32:50
Well, let's go to tarot.
32:51
Should we go to tarot?
32:52
Yeah, let's do it.
33:01
When I was shuffling, I was seeing a ton of swords.
33:05
Okay.
33:06
So we got the nine of swords in reverse.
33:08
And it's a woman of color sitting on a bed crying with her hands on her face.
33:15
Yeah, her hands on her face, her head on her hands.
33:17
Yeah.
33:18
Her head on her hands.
33:19
Did I just say that right?
33:20
Did I say that a woman of color is that what they, yeah.
33:23
Okay.
33:24
I'm like, I don't know.
33:25
Do I, if I say things wrong?
33:27
Like honestly, I feel like it's important to pay attention to.
33:32
Well, because people prefer like black, a black person, but I don't exactly know.
33:36
Not every professional.
33:37
It feels the same about it.
33:39
And I think it's important to pay attention to like what the right nomenclature is, but
33:46
I think that the vast majority of people are not mad if you get it wrong.
33:51
Yeah.
33:52
So long as you're willing to accept, you know, criticism about because I know that words
33:56
matter.
33:57
Right.
33:58
Exactly.
33:59
Exactly.
34:00
I don't want to say anything that's going to hurt anybody's feelings.
34:02
That's all.
34:03
Yeah.
34:04
Oh, and we mentioned that they were, so they're wearing a beanie and I had said that you
34:10
mentioned someone who said they got shot in the head and you could feel like a whole
34:13
more beady.
34:14
Yes.
34:15
Did they actually get shot in the head or did they get shot in the beanie?
34:19
And no, they were, they, they were shot.
34:21
Who, okay.
34:22
I was like, who was, did they die?
34:26
No.
34:27
Okay.
34:28
No.
34:29
Because technically, that wasn't June you were talking.
34:31
No.
34:32
June was shot at close range and she was dead almost immediately.
34:37
Okay.
34:38
And then day was the other casualty and that happened roughly two years later.
34:47
So.
34:48
Wow.
34:49
But yeah, obviously like numerous people were shot and injured.
34:56
You know, it's funny because I talked about how the demonstrators, the people that were
35:01
actually marching versus the organizer group, they were on opposite ends of the park.
35:08
And I can't help but think that if this had happened on the other end of the park, like
35:19
how much larger of a victim pool there potentially was.
35:25
That is very true.
35:28
I mean, just horrific that you think about those type of calculations when it comes to,
35:36
you know, gun violence.
35:38
Yeah.
35:39
But I mean, yeah, the more people in a, one area, you know, like the more a small space.
35:46
And I mean, granted it's outdoors, but like can't outrun a bullet.
35:53
Okay.
35:54
So nine of swords.
36:00
And we drew this in the reverse, right?
36:02
Yes, we did.
36:04
Our keywords are despair, isolation, sadness, fear, grief and shame.
36:13
Shame.
36:14
The nine of swords shows extreme anxiety, nightmares, tension, unhappiness,
36:24
threats over past mistakes or misfortunes.
36:28
In many decks, this card shows a person weeping while nine great swords loom above him or
36:35
her.
36:38
In the right or way Smith's deck, a woman sits up in bed as if waking from a nightmare.
36:44
That's PTSD.
36:46
Seriously.
36:47
Yeah, I was thinking about what all the people who went through after or what.
36:53
What the people went through after.
36:55
Yeah.
36:56
And then, you know, having the stories come out about them that were wrong and having the
37:02
wrong perception about them.
37:04
That's like a nightmare and like how many of those swords do you have to take?
37:08
Okay.
37:10
Because this suit represents mental activity, much of your suffering may be in your own mind.
37:19
There's an extra excerpt.
37:22
Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.
37:27
Well, I mean, a lot of us don't have a chance but to live our fears.
37:31
Yeah.
37:32
That's.
37:33
That's like the one thing about this card.
37:35
I don't, I think it's some situations it can apply, but I don't think in a lot of them,
37:39
like, you know, that it's all in your head thing is.
37:43
No.
37:44
And I think that I think the takeaway is maybe not so much that it's all in your head.
37:50
I think that it has to do with kind of a mental and emotional anguish.
37:56
Yeah.
37:57
In this case, I think that really applies.
38:00
Like you kind of can't escape being in your head.
38:03
Even if you weren't physically or directly impacted by the actual violence of the shooting,
38:13
the toll that that takes on you mentally.
38:16
One signifies completion and the reverse nine can point to the end of a crisis or a period
38:23
of despair.
38:26
You may have determined the root cause of your misery and are ready to deal with it.
38:31
Oh, I just, that makes me think of dig.
38:36
Hmm.
38:38
Perhaps you've stopped feeling sorry for yourself and are willing to make the changes necessary
38:43
to repair the damage and move on.
38:48
That kind of reminds me though, the police apologizing the years and years later, but that,
38:53
I mean, honestly, that still makes me think of dig.
38:56
I feel like she was ready to move on, you know, like in it.
39:00
For sure.
39:01
But like just kind of the way you put it, like make your apologies and move on.
39:06
That's kind of like that's true.
39:08
Like, I can understand that.
39:10
Yeah.
39:11
Very different sides of the same way.
39:13
Oh, yes.
39:14
Yes.
39:15
In some cases, this card may indicate getting professional help with the problem.
39:22
If only, if only.
39:24
That's maybe what some people should have done.
39:27
Yeah.
39:28
To begin with.
39:29
In a reading about money, this card can mean you see where you made mistakes and begin the
39:36
process of rebuilding after a loss.
39:40
It may be difficult to pull yourself out of your problems, but the reverse nine suggests
39:45
the worst is over.
39:47
Don't give up.
39:48
They did, you know, rebuild and go back to, yeah, we're testing.
39:54
And I don't think that there was ever, because this technically didn't go to trial in the
40:01
way that traditionally most of us think about it.
40:05
There wasn't really a trial.
40:07
It was like he pled guilty.
40:10
There's not really like trial footage to go back to, like, I mean, I think back to like
40:16
the Nancy Brophy case.
40:19
And we literally were able to see footage of the trial day to day.
40:27
One thing that I didn't choose to include and either part one or part two was that at court
40:35
Miss lawyer basically said that, you know, he chose not to make a statement in court,
40:41
which is something that was his right to, and it's an opportunity in these situations
40:49
to sort of express remorse.
40:52
And kind of the explanation was that the in hindsight just felt so abominable and just
40:59
couldn't bring himself to to speak in court.
41:03
And yeah, I mean, it certainly elicits an eye role for me.
41:08
But if I mean, I wouldn't want to speak in court either if I had done that.
41:12
Yeah.
41:13
And you'd like to think that it was truly out of some form of remorse or care.
41:19
Yeah.
41:20
I mean, that feels probably far more likely.
41:24
If the reading is about your job, you may have suffered as a result of someone else's
41:30
jealousy, criticism or nastiness.
41:34
However, this card encourages you to stand up for yourself and stop wallowing in fear or
41:40
self-pity.
41:41
It may also recommend changing jobs.
41:46
That just, yeah, that just reminds me to of the protesters and how they were portrayed
41:50
and kind of get up and keep going and don't get a different job.
41:55
But like, I would say, don't get a different job.
42:00
You protest.
42:01
It reminds me of PPP, personally, but yeah, they should get a different job.
42:06
Maybe get a job.
42:07
I don't know.
42:08
I don't know.
42:10
In a reading about love, you may be examining a relationship deeply to decide if it's worth
42:15
staying or if you'd be better off leaving.
42:19
Sometimes being alone is preferable to remaining in an unhappy situation.
42:24
Be that the truth.
42:27
Be honest, you may have deceived yourself for a while.
42:32
This makes me think of his previous roommate.
42:36
She's the one that shared a lot about his developing political and other ideologies about
42:45
like I was scared of him.
42:48
He suddenly was like a conspiracy theorist and he was anti-mask and was I his cousin or was
42:55
that a different person?
42:56
That's a different person that also was afraid of him and felt scared.
43:02
No, he threatened his cousin.
43:05
The roommate was just somebody who had to deal with his day-to-day craziness.
43:10
What was his job?
43:13
If I came across it in my research, I don't recall.
43:16
That's be honest.
43:17
I'm just curious.
43:18
Yeah, I don't know.
43:20
I find that interesting to know kind of the background.
43:25
What do you get up to today?
43:27
What do you get up to?
43:28
Where do you know these crazy?
43:29
Where are you just online?
43:30
Where are you just chronically online?
43:33
Just chronically online.
43:34
You work from home?
43:35
I don't know.
43:36
I mean, a lot of people did back then.
43:40
Maybe you got laid off and that's why I was mad.
43:42
You know?
43:43
Again, I say just share yourself.
43:45
Maybe just do that.
43:50
There's an extra excerpt.
43:52
Okay.
43:53
I'm ready for it.
43:54
There are very few monsters who weren't the fear we had of them.
44:00
Well, they call him a known wolf.
44:04
And I feel like outside of a situation where he has the advantage of surprise and he has
44:16
a weapon and those around him are unarmed.
44:19
I don't.
44:20
He was a monster.
44:21
Yeah.
44:22
He was a monster, but I think that he created that situation.
44:28
And I just feel like he's somebody that I don't think anybody would have felt like they
44:34
had any reason to fear him.
44:36
So I don't know.
44:37
Maybe that speaks to in a way sort of evaluating who we think we should fear and why.
44:46
And again, what's that threshold in why was he under it?
44:49
That's what I want to know.
44:51
What was he doing?
44:53
We need to lower the bar a little bit, maybe?
44:55
I don't know.
44:57
It's, I mean, again, it's hard and we don't want censorship.
45:01
Yeah.
45:02
It really gets hard though because unfortunately, as horrific as some of the things that I know
45:09
that he has like publicly said are it's not specifically threatening an individual or
45:19
even targeting a specific group.
45:22
So it's really, it's really hard from a legal standpoint.
45:27
That being said, I think I don't know.
45:29
Maybe maybe we spent a little time.
45:31
No, I'm the guy.
45:32
I don't know.
45:33
I'm like an egg.
45:35
I'm not, I'm not an expert, but throw a tracker on that bitch.
45:39
Yeah, I'm just gonna have a creepy ass day.
45:43
We'll see you next Tuesday.
45:47
Unless you're a furry.
45:48
And a murderer.
45:50
Yeah, then be a never-laser.
45:53
Furries are welcome.
45:54
Furries are always welcome.
45:56
I want to shirt this as this.
45:57
Furries are always welcome.
45:59
I want, you know, the pants with the words across the butt.
46:03
Juicy.
46:05
Furries are always welcome, I just hate.
46:08
Cut that out.
46:09
Like that might be controversial.
46:11
Stamps across your ass.
46:12
I know, I'm not a beastie.
46:14
I don't worry.
46:17
Despite having reviewed the footage, an early statement issued by Portland's leaf cheese.
46:24
Leaf cheese.
46:27
It's the police cheese.
46:32
Leaf cheese.
46:34
That might be the takeout.
46:37
Take it.
46:39
Oh my god.
46:42
It's only 7.05 pm.
46:49
It's only been 10 minutes.
46:52
I want to be home before midnight.
46:55
Okay, how long does this feel though?
46:57
It's only been 10 minutes and last time it took us nine minutes to even start.
47:02
I feel like we're doing great.
47:05
Okay.
47:06
Perspective.
47:07
See?
47:08
Okay, I'm gonna scroll.
47:10
I'm here for us.
47:11
Yeah, I think... big clawed!