Latest / Calm the Chaos with Rich Christiansen / How to Stay Calm When Someone Is Yelling at You

Transcript

How to Stay Calm When Someone Is Yelling at You · Calm the Chaos with Rich Christiansen

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Really, the only questions that ask, do I eat it or kill it or mate with it?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: The most powerful people that I know, the biggest influencers, all have setup routine.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: The single quickest way that you can actually get your kids out of anxiety or your self-functioning is just a couple of deep breaths.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest mistake that most people make is just shallow breathing.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is the number one tool that I know how to stop a downslide, how to stop and prevent the downside emotionally.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, good morning.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode of Calm the Chaos by Rich Christiansen.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna talk about eating it, killing it, or mating with it.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: The reality is, is most of the time we uh walk around as these high intelligent, high-functioning humans, and we're we're actually nothing more than a monkey.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's called the limbic brain.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Back here in the limbic brain, really the only questions it asks, do I eat it or kill it or mate with it?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Think back at the last time you were actually uh, you know, supposed to be deeply engaged in something analytic and your mind was watery to what you were having for lunch, or thinking distracted of what's the next argument that returns.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: See, it takes a lot of go-go juice to actually process it in the frontal cortex.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And today I'm going to give you the concept of a setup routine.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: I have to tell you that the most powerful people that I know, the biggest influencers, all have setup routines.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I ask you the question: do you have a setup routine?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Something that you do right before you're prepared to perform so that you can actually move into that frontal cortex, into that frontal brain, and really perform well.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Once I learned this trick, I started deeply observing and I observed all the professional athletes have it.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thought leaders have it.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's amazing how we can shift the energy, the trajectory, and the impact that we have by simply getting into that frontal cortex.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I first learned this uh lesson.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was back at Gathering the Titans presenting, and Bo Eason, uh, I don't know if any of you know him, but man, what a remarkable individual.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Every woman wanted to be with Bo, and every guy wanted to be Bo.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: But we're sitting there having a conversation, right?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, you did not want to follow Bo on the stage because he was a professional football player, and then he went on to have a like a one-man show on Broadway.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so no one wanted to follow him because you look like a baphoon after him.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm sitting there having a conversation with Bo, and then all of a sudden, he he kind of runs backwards and then walks right up to me, and I'm like, oh my gosh, that was a really awkward, nervous tick.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then he does it again.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then at some point I says, What the heck?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what's going on here?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you have a setup routine, Rich?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I say, What do you mean?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: He says, Well, you know, when uh you're getting ready to perform, you got to have a setup routine.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And uh he went on to uh, you know, describe that most of the really professional athletes have some routine, and he was a safety, so his was running backwards uh faster than he could forward.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so right before he was going on the stage, he was calm, calming his limbic mind.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, as I got looking into it, I read a sequence of books of part of this book group of us authors, and I was just blown away every time it talked about breath and sequence.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Doing this, uh, I think Mark Devine and The Warrior's Way was one of them, and then Eleven Rings by Phil Jackson, and he talked about how he would get uh the Bulls, the famous Scottie Pibbon, Dennis Rodman, and Michael Jordan, if you can picture, all holding hands in the dark, breathing in unison.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And some of their setup reasons uh at that point I was like, uh, there's a lot to this.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'd already become somewhat familiar with breath and breath work because of my time in the Himalayas.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's a special breath you've kind of got to use to actually deplete, get all the excess out of your cells and your lungs so you can fully uh oxygenate.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I was aware with this of the magnificent impact that had at high altitude climbing.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: But as I got into it deeper and deeper, I realized that there was a lot more to this breath thing than I was hanging on to.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: So at that point, I did put a setup routine in my own life, and I have used it ever since.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And quite frankly, the single quickest way that you can shift your modality, the single quickest way that you can actually get your kids out of anxiety or your self-functioning is just a couple of deep breaths.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Been about 10 years now.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was leader, ecclesiastical leader of a bunch of young single adults.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, these young single adults range between about 18 and maybe 29.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And what I discovered is oh my gosh, talk about every kind of like eat it, kill it, mate with it you could have going on.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's not even words to describe.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the young women were suffering with anxiety, depression, and many of the young men, well, suffering with the opportunities and challenges that young men suffer with.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so, true to the form of what I typically do, I created a beautiful little framework of a simple little repeat pattern after doing some research called the two-minute surrender.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I do have to acknowledge that I got part of this from another spiritual leader, I don't even remember exactly where it was, and then I kind of modified it.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is called the two-minute submit sequence.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is, is when I'm in a board meeting now, and if I'm running any uh meeting, uh this is something I use really frequently, and I wanted to share that, this tool with you today and just watch your performance go up.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I made the promise to my young single adults if you use this, then you'll get A's rather than B's, B's rather than C's in your school.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Your anxiety will dramatically decrease, and just overall, you're just gonna be a happy individual.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it did not only work, it worked better than I ever expected.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I would say that uh the instance of a lot of the challenges literally just dropped in half.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if you touch the back of your head, again, that's the limbic brain.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: You touch the front of your head, that's the prental cortex, and getting oxygen and function to there is the trick.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest mistake that most people make is just shallow breathing.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's why walking around on your cell phone, death scrolling, naturally, you end up going short little panting breasts, really, really, you know, shallow from your chest, and that actually activates the limbic system.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas big deep calming breasts, that actually, when you're getting ready to go to bed, that yawning sound, even just uh that vibration actually calms your limbic system down.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: So what I'm gonna do now is I'm just gonna give you the five-step, the two minutes submit.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: The rule of this is it has to be all done within two minutes.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So step number one, I'm here at my studio, so I can't do it, but I normally would jump up and move with you.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: First step is just jump up and just move.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Just body movement activates the system.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Even a little jumping, a little hopping.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was with a two-day intensive this weekend and two big broody masculine males who are hopping around like little dance like bunny rabbits hopping around.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing how just as you start moving your body, things limber up and you naturally start breathing.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Step number two, three deep, long controlled breaths.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can, ah, one.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Two, three, ah, I mean, that already you feel the shift in frequency and modality in your life.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're enjoying this episode of Calm the Chaos.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you would like to receive more tools, frameworks, support, and resources, go to rich Christiansen.com and they're all there available for your free use.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Step number three is a power mantra, something that you can say that you take control of your own destiny.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I have a couple of power mantras, and one of them is do the right thing and damn the torpedoes.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if I'm going in to do something and I know it's challenging, I'll I'll just utter that.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do the right thing, damn the torpedoes.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the third stack.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth stack is just simply whatever your source of power is, whether it's God, divine source, universe, whatever it is, just simply ask in really plain language what you're seeking for.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I asked today, blessed that this message gets through, that it'll help some individuals, that they'll deal and function at a much higher level and get out of the jitter and get control and deliberate and make an impact.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's my ask right now for this session.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then the fifth is a really fun one.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And this is kind of the kicker.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is the juicy peach on top of the the bowl of cottage cheese, I guess, in my diet now.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it's visualized.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I invite you to think of a place or an activity that you're just like totally in zone.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a t the the individual this weekend, loved to play tennis with his wife.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so he had a specific shot where he'd go volley volley, she'd set it up, and he would spin that ball, it would go to the neck with a spin and boun back forward as she gave him an exasperated grunt, and then he would take control of the tennis racket in a little celebration dance.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a golfer and I love to go 164 yards out, take the eight iron, and picture the shot, swing and watch the ball launch right up onto the green, bounce, bounce right next to the pin.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a surfer, surf.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a dancer, if your favorite spot is on the beach overlooking the waves, then go there, go there.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: So step number five, it just simply visualize you in flow and in a really happy mode.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: They did a really interesting study back in the 80s, and I don't know why it always seems to be like basketball, but it was basketball.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: They took thousands and thousands of individuals and they uh divided them into three groups.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: The first group, they had them visualize, do nothing more than just visualize shooting the basketball and making free throws, nothing else.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: The second group, they had them visualize for 15 minutes and then shoot for 15 minutes, and that was their preparation.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Then the third group, they just had them shoot and shoot and shoot and practice.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I always at this point ask, what do you think the outcome was?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they were actually pretty surprised.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And most people say it was the visual, it actually was not the just the visualizations.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: The top performing was those that practiced half and visualized half.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was the number one.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: But right behind it, just a squeaky hair behind it, was those that never even touched a basketball that just visualized.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: By far the worst performers were those that practiced and shot, practiced and shot.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: So this power to the brain to actually imprint and blueprint to what's going to happen and control the destiny is so incredibly powerful.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: This fifth is just like the kickerets, the peaches that we put on top of the cottage cheese.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the rule of this two-minute surrender is, or this two-minute submit is to stack them.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: All five of those have to be done back to back to back to back to back.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, first thing, if you recall, is move.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Second thing, three deep breaths.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Ah.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, step number three, power mantra.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Live strong, die hard, defender of the faith, or do the right thing down, little Peters, whatever your power mantra is.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, ask for what you're seeking.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Help me to have the ability at this moment to take a deep breath and not kill that customer service agent that's driving me crazy.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I might or might have you not have used that one today as I was helping someone navigate a complicated challenge.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then the fifth is just visualize, close your eyes and go to your happy spot.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you're done, snap, back all the way on present and out of limbic brain.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have not already thought of it, the question that always comes next is yeah, Rich, but how the heck do I do that if I'm in the middle of a meeting?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I just have to tell you that uh if you've been with me in a very tense church meeting, I am doing it in the middle of the meeting.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Particularly if I'm chairing a company or a board or something, I'll ask the question and see it slipping, see the frequency of slipping.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'll talk about that in a minute.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then just literally in my mind, just kind of go through that.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I obviously can't get out and do jumping jacks, but in my mind, I'll jump up and I'll wiggle around and shake a little bit.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Then I'll take a couple of breaths in a controlled manner and do that actually while you're sitting.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it it actually still really works.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's not quite as effective as actually physically going through the motion, putting the energy out there of saying, do the right thing, damn the torpedoes, but pretty darn close.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're in control of situation of doing it, namely leading a company, you're in a challenging situation in your family, the thing if you need to do is just call a timeout, a bio break, and if you're on public place, then go to the bathroom stall and do it.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's remarkable how you can shift and control energy.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: One of the tools I absolutely love, and I would mention that I that I've documented all this, and this is a free download on my website, the two-minute surrender sequence.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so you can actually go and see the you don't need well, it's great you wrote it down.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really glad you didn't remember, but but uh go go you can go to the website and just download this for free, and I I have it outlined pretty good there.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the tools that ties into this really well is I love the map of consciousness by Hawkins, brilliant individual that actually got so he could measure the level of frequency in society.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: At the very, very bottom is guilt and shame.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: If your modality is running out of guilt and shame, that really is like the lowest of the low, and that's just not a great place to operate.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we move up the chain of frequencies, higher frequencies, until we actually get to the Christos frequency, which is enlightenment, God view as I am, pure, total knowing bliss, and internalized power.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hard to get and actually sustain there, but we can certainly push those upper levels.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: You can actually feel the mood shift, the energy shift as you walk into a room and something kind of negative slides.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And this is an incredible way for you not only to gauge it, but then to impact and control and elevate the energy.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I use that chart all the time coupled with this little tool.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: When I see a disparity in someone's like going deep into fear, slow it down, acknowledge the fear, say, okay, I see this, I understand that it's a concern.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to erode the integrity and quality of the education basically.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: I understand that.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, and then I'll call on someone, Bill, is there any studies or sciences associated with that?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: That maybe we could increase student body and then at the same time maintain integrity.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, yes, there is.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so then it becomes a little agitation to move up.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: But then the next one is okay, is it feasible?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is it feasible?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so you can actually, while you're in control, pushing these higher frequency, actually elevate and increase the overall performance of, first of all, yourself.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Second of all, and maybe most important, is your family.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Third of all, is your tribe and your deep tender community.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Then the next is communities that's uh going on around you.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And uh indeed the way we start influencing this hot mess that we have going on right now, and indeed it's really challenging with all this negative narrative and everyone destroying, is to be the change, to stop it.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: And quite frankly, this is the number one tool that I know how to stop a downslide, how to stop and prevent the downside emotionally so that I become part of the problem.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're not always gonna be perfect, and and I'm not always perfect at it.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I have to back off a little bit and and and then go a deeper dive.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's one I'll talk about in the future is this is my breath work routines and how I use those deeply, deeply, not only to get inspiration, but also to just internally take the confidence inside.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I just issue the challenge that if you haven't got a setup routine, and by the way, you should have a if you're a golfer, you should have a simple little like two-second routine for golf.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a basketball player, same thing.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or for dance, that you just go through that same little system, and what you'll find is your performance in those sports or anything you go up dramatically by just simply putting a little cadence and a little slowdown in there.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: All right, well, it's just been wonderful to be with you today, and I'm excited to hear back from you on how that little tool does.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And again, you can find that tool on rich Christiansen.com under the tool sections, and just go in and tag it down and let me know how it works out for you.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear your feedback.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you so much for uh joining me today on the Calm the Chaos Podcast.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: We uh face our peers, peers with reality, we have the difficult conversations that help us perform better, live a more vibrant life, and be happy.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're not only just successful individuals, entrepreneurs publicly, but also privately.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: We also privately seek for the internal grounding and peace that we can make a real difference and win the private victories, not just the public ones, but the real go-go juice comes from winning the private internal victories inside of our heart.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for being with me, and I look forward to visiting with you soon.