Latest / After Maghrib 🌙 / Hyper-Sexualizing Muslims on the internet

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Hyper-Sexualizing Muslims on the internet · After Maghrib 🌙

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Lights on stage set, seats locked in.
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We're officially inviting you to Rising Dawn on the 1st of
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February 2026. Aura and vibes all in one place.
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We've got some big news for you brothers and sisters after
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Magadib is back with the second annual live show.
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This night is dedicated to the hope of humanity, the birth, the
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mission and the legacy of Imam and Hodja Ajalalalalaatha Jabu
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Al Sharif. How we prepare, resist injustice
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and build a better world during his accultation.
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Who said no pressure? All I'm saying is you guys
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better book your tickets now. Salaam Ali Khan Rakata.
1:23
Welcome back to After Maghrib. It is a special episode today
1:27
because it is episode 150. Let's have a lot of Salawat,
1:33
Alaam Hamad, Waalim Hamad, alaam alaam Hamad, waalim Hamad.
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It's an incredible milestone. So thank you to all for allowing
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us to get to the stage. We still have a long way to go.
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Only our one knows when will be our last and inshallah we have
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the opportunity every single week to keep speaking to you
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guys. So make sure if you are new to
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this channel, firstly, make sure you subscribe, hit that
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notification bell and check out our previous content because we
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have 149 episodes which you'll really, really enjoy amongst a
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lot of other stuff as well. But today we're going to be
2:03
talking about something which is really important, and that is
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talking about how to live a halal lifestyle, an Islamic
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lifestyle in a world which normalises and not just
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normalises but endorses and accepts hypersexualisation in
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society. Lowering your gaze Once Upon a
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time used to just mean being careful when you leave the
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house. Now it's a 24/7 thing.
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And that's something we're going to be talking about.
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Today's how to address this issue, ways to work around it,
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and hopefully strategies that brothers and especially brothers
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and also sisters can work on to become better people, better
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Muslims as well. Inshallah.
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But it wouldn't be a podcast if I wasn't beside my beloved, my
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dear brother, my older brother said I need.
2:45
Otherwise somebody can say. Yes, that handshake.
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How you doing bro? Have you will handle how you
3:01
keeping? I'm good, good feels nice.
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Sit with you and reconnect after a long time.
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As always. Last week we were Muhammad here
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but. Muhammad Ali and Edana episode
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149 and you mentioned where episode 150 Imagine what do you
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think the odds are Inshallah who knows?
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Episode 313 What do you think awful happened?
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Hopefully before that, yeah, yeah, Inshallah, Inshallah.
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Saying obviously this is a big topic.
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I know when we were talking today, we were talking about
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things which we feel are important issues to discuss.
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I think we're both getting fed up of social media and the
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trends that we see online and kind of the world we live in.
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Whether it's the shows you're watching, whether it's when you
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go to the gym or when you're scrolling on social media,
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Whatever you see now, you have to be so conscious that the
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content you're looking at is acceptable and is not risky for
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you to mistakenly or even intentionally fall upon content
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which you shouldn't be coming across.
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So today, inshallah, we're going to be talking about the online
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arena, you know, and that covers everything from stuff we watch
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and social media we use and also how we portray ourselves to also
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how to actually and practically take control of our desires
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because we know a last one to. Allah tells us in the Holy Quran
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in sort and all, if I'm not mistaken, tell the believing men
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to lower their gaze and to guard their chastity that is pure for
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them. Surely, Alas Pantala is all
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aware of what they do. So I think it's, it's an
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important place to start, of course, with the commandment
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from Alas Pantala, that verse in and of itself.
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How does it make you feel? Yeah, I mean that verse,
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chapter, verse #30 from Surat and naughty while last panel was
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highlighted, the wager, he says he tells the prophet to warn the
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believing men to lower their gaze and protects the chastity.
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Mistaken, right? I think I've always heard that
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growing up, by the way, from a young age and the mosque, I
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believe even at home, if I'm not mistaken, back in the day
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growing up, I don't remember what age, but I've grown up with
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this, that you lower your gaze, you, you try to avoid being in
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situations and scenarios and environments in the 1st place.
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If you can master that, I think you can become a king at
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lowering your gaze and everything.
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This is difficult and we live, let's be real about it.
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Let's be honest. I think we all want a Haram life
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and even those who live a Haram life know right from wrong and
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know there's something wrong with not lowering the gaze as
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men. I think if we have the
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conversation as men today, we how can I phrase it?
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Because you you said, what does that verse mean to me?
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You know, to me, I I feel like there's a protection that we
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need to insult in ourselves. It's not just about the eyes,
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it's the heart, it's the mind, it's the mindset.
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Ultimately, it's staying away from Haram, staying away from
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looking at Haram, staying away from being in situations where
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it may lead you to Haram. But whenever we think about that
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verse, we only think about, OK, there may be, for example, an
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interaction with the opposite gender and then you lower your
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head. But there's more to it in this
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day and age. And I, and I think digitally, I
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think the world is a mess. Absolutely.
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Because I don't think anyone wakes up in the morning and
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says, OK, I'm not lowering my gaze today.
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And I think everyone's intention is not to be in that stage, not
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to be in that stage where you have, let's say, access or you
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see something that's not lawful to because we go to our
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day-to-day lives. We go to work, students go to
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school, people go to the workplace.
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You can be on the way to the mosque.
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You can be go visiting family, be coming here.
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So after Maghrib, you could be scrolling your phone, you could
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be seeing an advert on the way on ATV billboard on a bus,
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billboard on a bus station. But wherever it is in your
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commute, while you're driving, there is something that catches
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your eye. And this is where that verse
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comes in place. I need there's a lot of
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scenarios you know for sure you can find yourself.
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Do you know what it is? It's like when we talk about
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this topic, of course, firstly, there's no moral superiority.
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And so we're not claiming to have answers, nor are we
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claiming to be perfect. And I think that's something
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that our last answer, Allah alludes to in this verse,
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especially because there's a the, the like you said, the
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mindset, right? So there's a mindset, which a
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last point Allah expects of us, but it's a motivational approach
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that he takes when he talks to us.
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So he's not he's not really condemning and not using like
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pedagogical means and references to discipline.
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Rather I think our last part to Allah is informing and
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motivating us. So when he says the believing
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men and and believing women to me, inshallah we're accepted as
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believers. That tells me that you can be a
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believer and still struggle. Desire is one of the faculties
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of the soul. We know this of the nerves and
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everyone has carnal desire, has human instincts.
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You know they in the same way we have a yearning for food and we
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have an inclination towards anger and so on and so forth.
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We have a desire, right? And that sometimes that desires
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can take over us if it's not controlled and that's something
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which we need to get into as well.
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But when Allah says that this will purify us, as opposed to
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Allah saying that should they not do this, they should be
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punished, they will be punished. It's telling me that Allah's
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telling, you know, he's giving us a pathway as to a how as
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believers to act appropriately. Yeah, when we as men or as women
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are engaging in the wider world. So he's giving us kind of a
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guide, then he's telling us why we should do it in terms of the
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purification, and then finally he's giving us an understanding
8:55
as to his role in it. Allah's aware of all things we
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do. And that is it's, it's, it's a
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quite neutral statement. Of course, it reaffirms Allah's
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authority, subhanal to Allah, his, his ultimate knowledge and
9:08
his oversight on all things, what we think, what we see, what
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we do, what we hear and say. But ultimately it's also quite a
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neutral verse. So Allah's not telling us if you
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mess up, I'm watching you and he's not saying you should do
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this and I'll reward you because I'm watching.
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He's giving you a very neutral grounding so that if you're
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thinking about the wrong thing or if you're thinking about
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doing the right thing, a last thing, I see what you do.
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I see your jihad, your struggle, and that's something which lifts
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me up. But look, let's talk about the
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wider scene, OK? As I said, it's, it's difficult,
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you can't really escape it. It's, it's unfortunately a 24/7
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thing at the moment, but there's definitely a shared struggle
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with. This one, because it's firstly,
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we're living in a hyper sexualized world, if we're
9:48
honest, right? And sometimes we may be in
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situations that we don't choose to be.
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And I think even if we go back to looking at the history that
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we learn from the Quran, what happened to for example, Prophet
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Yusuf Ali? Did he choose to be in such
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situations with Zuleika? No, but he found himself he
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found himself in the position where that verse in many ways
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comes comes to apply to him and that where we can learn from.
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And even if you find yourself in that situation, your mind for of
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Allah, your conscience of Allah, you understand this is this is
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wrong. You lower your gaze, you get
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yourself out of that situation and I think it's about
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navigating it. It's about OK, now we are in
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that situation. How do we channel it Because
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it's very simple, Ahmed, you can open up your phone.
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You can be doing something very innocent.
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Give me more detail because this is what I want to know.
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So for example, look for me I look social media is a big one
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and I think when a speaking as men, OK, so Allah identifies
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that our struggle as men is what we watch, what we look at right
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what we see. I saw a reel today on on
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Instagram from a certain creator and he said that you shouldn't
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be seeing these things. I think that was a bit unfair,
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if I'm honest because. No, I think that is fair.
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Do you know why, since you're asking the question now over the
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years, If I talk about myself over the years, Ahmed, I think
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when did Netflix first come first come into fruition?
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I can't remember the year, but we've all consumed content on
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TV, be it subscription basis, be it renting.
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No, I know it's back in whatever it is.
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So sometimes and the movies we used to watch or continue
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watching or the shows or the drama series that people watch
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until today, there are for example, at times certain scenes
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that are not lawful for us, right?
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What do you do in that situation?
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Some choose to continue watching, which of course is not
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the right thing. But do you lower your gaze at
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home when you're alone watching that?
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I think that's when you understand, for example, because
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your home is a is your safe space, right?
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It's a place where you're supposed to be happy.
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You're supposed to be true to yourself.
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And I think when you're alone and you face that situation, for
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example, you're watching a drama series on Netflix.
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Let's say I'm not here advocating people to go watch
12:01
Netflix, but do you lower your gaze?
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And I think if you don't, there is a problem and I think you
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need to seek help and how to get out of that.
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But let's let's rewind that, OK, that's I think that's
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interesting about kind of like what it tells us about.
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Because because if you don't know your gaze at in these
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moments. You know there's something
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wrong. There is something wrong, but
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then it becomes normal to you. And if you're doing it in the
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context of the private of your home, outside is normal for.
12:28
You. Yeah, no, you become
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desensitized. Too.
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That's the word, yeah. So look, So what I mean to say
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is when I said that this guy said you shouldn't be seeing it,
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I think you can't avoid seeing things.
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I think the correct terminology, in my humble opinion, is to say
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avoid watching it. Right.
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So we say, you know, you're walking on the street.
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You see someone. Yeah.
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Your mind, your your mind is telling you she looks good.
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She's attractive. I like her.
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I like the way she looks. So you can't avoid seeing it.
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What you can do is you can prevent yourself being put in
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situations where you do see it. So for example, a subscription
12:57
to Netflix, right? If you know that by me watching
13:02
this show, I know it's 18 + 15 plus whatever rated, I know
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there's a high likelihood I'm going to be seeing these shows.
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There are also halal streaming options now out there online
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which avoid scenes of a sexual nature and adult nature scenes
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which use, you know, can kind of endorse drug usage or swearing
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or racism or anything which we deem immoral.
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And I think generally what humans would deem immoral as
13:29
well. So prevention is always better
13:31
than cure. So preventing ourselves being in
13:34
that position is there. But we can't say that it's wrong
13:37
to see things. I think seeing things is
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natural. How we choose to respond to it
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is the importance. Having desire is not Haram, not
13:44
a sin. Right?
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If anything it kind of reminds you that your, you know your
13:48
your hormonal levels are in. Check it.
13:50
Makes you human, and it's got. Yeah, of course, man.
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I think The thing is we have, like you said, there's an
13:54
internal conflict. As men, we crave a connection,
13:58
right? This is why men gravitate
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towards this stuff online. It's because they want to feel
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that there's something they can enjoy.
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And unfortunately, the world we live in is so messed up to the
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point where like, if you're talking about the world of Zina
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and it could be pornography, it could be kind of even to
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streaming shows. By the way.
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Yeah, series, all of these things.
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There's there's unfortunately a taboo culture which has
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surrounded this thing which is now becoming normalized.
14:30
So you can be on Twitter. Like I'm, I'm someone who uses
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Twitter right now, of course, known as X, owned by Mr. Musk.
14:37
But the point being is that algorithms on Twitter have
14:39
become messed up. Like I can see a viral tweet
14:42
about Liverpool Football Club, for example.
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I click the tweet and then I see all this like nonsense, only
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fans models below replying, talking about, you know, click
14:50
my profile and stuff like that. These kind of things are
14:52
unfortunately unescapable, you know, but you can you can rewire
14:57
how you use social media. You can digitally detox, right?
15:01
So you either delete the app, close your account, or you
15:04
change your preferences. You can mute things on Twitter.
15:07
You can change your following list.
15:08
For me personally, I've switched it to the tab where I only see
15:11
live updates from people I follow.
15:13
Like how Twitter was back, you know, 10-15 years ago.
15:16
So I only see football, religion, politics updates on a
15:19
live basis rather than looking at viral tweets which the
15:22
algorithm endorses. One last thing, with your
15:24
permissions, the TikTok, the Instagram, the Twitter culture,
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all of that stuff, it knows from an algorithmic perspective that
15:32
viewer retention sells and makes money, right?
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So if a viewer is swiping less, so let's say they glued onto a
15:41
video, more than that generates money, advertising and blah,
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blah, blah. So what ends up happening is
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they promote creators who put out immoral content, which guys
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are going to watch, Wow, look at her.
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Or like they'll, you know, something which is a bit like,
15:56
you know, provocative, you know, good looking girls and, and
16:00
flirtation and all of this kind of stuff.
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And they'll endorse it and encourage it.
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So the algorithm is wired and designed functionally in such a
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way where you are forced to watch it.
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And when you do watch it, it triggers that desire within your
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soul. And then the algorithm pushes on
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it, you on it more and more and more.
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And this is something I think which is a big problem.
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And I think people outside of the Muslim world are realizing
16:21
this as well. And I think even inside the
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Muslim world, I think it's what makes it more mess.
16:26
Because I, I, I've come to realise, I think over the last
16:29
few years and I think especially since COVID, when many people I
16:34
think were at home bored, they start becoming content creators
16:38
on viral TikTok clips and things like that.
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I've seen like an increase up to government of Muslims.
16:46
And this is not just Muslim men. I'm referring to our Muslim
16:49
sisters as well, where they put themselves out there, Ahmed and
16:53
I and I. And in many ways, surprisingly,
16:57
there was a a conversation that was had a few months ago.
17:02
And I was part of that talk and someone was saying, for example,
17:06
he's come across content of sisters from our community that
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who creates content in a provocative way, which was
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surprising. And it turned out to be true,
17:20
turned out to be not one, but there was a few and it was
17:23
shocking. And we've reached a stage where
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our own community has become desensitized to all the nonsense
17:31
that's out there that's now affecting our own circles, Ahmed
17:35
And we have men and we have women believing men, even women.
17:40
And I know where she are at the end of the day, right?
17:42
This is not the standards that we have.
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This is affecting us and it's affecting us because we are
17:48
desensitized. And it's affecting us because we
17:51
don't see anything wrong with it.
17:53
And it goes back to that verse you mentioned in the very
17:55
beginning. If we lowered our gaze from step
17:57
one, we won't be on stage 10, right?
18:00
We're very in a very dangerous stage.
18:02
And I worry one line, worry Ahmed.
18:04
It's it's it's, it's something I feel like it's become normal.
18:08
No one speaks about it. Even I think today we had the
18:11
discussion. I tried to reference it in a
18:13
group chat and people like, no, we shouldn't even speak about
18:16
this. That she I'm like, no, we have
18:18
to talk about this. It's affecting our brothers.
18:21
It's affecting our sisters. Eventually it's going to affect
18:24
our children. Got forbid one day.
18:26
We don't if we don't know, of course, yeah.
18:28
Look, I think when it so I know you're talking about what we're
18:31
speaking about. So we wanted to shift for the
18:33
context for those who are listening.
18:34
We wanted to show an example of of a video of Shia brothers and
18:38
sisters on TikTok who are thirst trapping basically.
18:40
And they were showing off their looks and their hair and their
18:43
lips and their dress and their muscles and XY and Z while
18:47
wearing a ball for car and saying, yeah, Ali, like what?
18:49
Personally, from my point of view, maybe it's a generational
18:52
thing, but I don't. I think it is.
18:53
I think this is what is Allah tells us not to do.
18:56
And the imams of the alibi to them, Islam, tell us what not to
18:58
do. Guard yourself, like protect
19:00
yourself. How many eyes are on you and how
19:02
you expose yourself. And you know what sort of
19:04
pictures and videos you're posting as well.
19:06
And I think we need to be a bit careful with it also with social
19:09
media just very quickly lowering our gaze.
19:13
Yeah. So this comes in the form of
19:15
what you watch and like from public accounts.
19:18
So even meme pages, right? Innocent memes.
19:21
I told you when we were walking into the studio.
19:23
I told you I saw a meme yesterday on Instagram which is
19:27
like when you're a Sunni guy with a Shia girlfriend in
19:32
Shaharam Mavan and how heartbroken you are because you
19:35
have to break if there at different times.
19:36
Come on, what is this like why, why, why, why even normalize
19:41
that right? You're Muslim.
19:42
Forget the fact you're sunny or shell if you're a Muslim and
19:45
you're normalizing boyfriend and girlfriend culture right outside
19:49
of the fold of marriage. That kind of stuff is messed up
19:52
even even in my humble opinion, and I know this might be
19:55
controversial, I think even overly normalizing and
19:58
publicizing married culture and married romanticism online has a
20:03
negative or could be detrimental effect on single brothers and
20:06
single sisters. Because what ends up happening
20:09
is they're then exposed to what could be.
20:11
I need a girl ASAP. Look how happy this guy is and
20:14
then they're latching onto something.
20:16
Immediately right and lowering your gaze doesn't just mean when
20:19
you see good looking celebrities or influences, it also means
20:23
when you're there are goals who you follow from the mosque or
20:26
from school or whatever, which you know is not even a good idea
20:30
in the 1st place. But then engaging with their
20:31
content, liking their pictures and DM ING them and replying to
20:34
their stories. And why are we doing that?
20:37
Like why, why, why are young brothers and sisters in our
20:40
community? And I'm not speaking from like a
20:44
yeah, as in we've all been in these positions, right?
20:47
So why why are we doing this in such a way where we're putting
20:49
ourselves in at the risk? Like you said?
20:51
The first step, said Ahmed Kaswini, is Mashallah hopefully
20:55
one day going to be on the podcast, if, you know, whenever
20:57
he's in town. But he gave a really good
20:59
lecture once I remember. And he referenced, if I'm not
21:02
mistaken, poem or something was basically like a hypothetical
21:07
example about how a guy and a girl, All it takes is the eye
21:11
contact, the look right, the look after the look comes the
21:15
smile after the smile. Hi, how are you after the high?
21:17
How are you? You're talking.
21:18
You arrange a time and place to me and then the hard arm comes
21:21
right? If you avoid that look in the
21:24
1st place, you lower your gaze, you don't engage, you lower the
21:27
chance of, of any risk happening.
21:31
And you mentioned to me once a while, I remember you said that
21:33
when a man, a non mahad, a man and woman are in the same room
21:37
alone, the third person in the room is Shaitan.
21:39
Shaitan, I remember you told me that once.
21:41
So it's something which we need to control from the online
21:45
perspective and of course, even kind of on a face to face basis.
21:49
Let me ask you if you don't mind the culture of Xena.
21:54
OK, There's a verse in the Quran which talks about not going near
21:58
zena. Do you know it, Wala?
22:00
Taklabu zena wala taklabu. Zena, that's simple.
22:03
What does that mean? Can you break it down for us?
22:08
Basically wala taklabu zena means don't even come near to
22:12
fornication and the world of adultery and relationships
22:17
basically which are outside of marriage, right?
22:20
And Allah azza wajal, it's not telling you don't do it.
22:24
Don't go near it. And you don't take a step far,
22:27
far, far away from. And to reach that.
22:28
Stage, you don't just get there. It starts with, as you
22:32
mentioned, what Seif as Weenie said, it starts with not knowing
22:35
the gaze and then it starts with the smile.
22:37
Then it starts with one day holding hands and then God
22:41
forbid, this is how things happen.
22:43
And our last panel is warning us again, just like he says, don't
22:46
worry your gaze because I know what's best for you, right?
22:48
Similar hair. Do not even get close to that
22:50
stage where you lead to doing certain acts which are not an
22:56
awful to you Yeah, there's a warning.
22:58
It's a clear warning and I think it applies everywhere.
23:01
They just physically at work, at home and I think something that
23:06
affects Ahmed. Sorry.
23:07
I know you want to say something, but there was a
23:09
conversation I had literally, well, la alauding 3 days ago,
23:14
three days ago, Ahmed, because it's past midnight, three days
23:17
ago, after midnight. And someone was telling me
23:20
about, and this is a real, real life case, Yanni.
23:27
There was a man in the community, not going to say
23:31
which community, but a Shiite community in London, a man who's
23:36
been married for about a good 6-7 years.
23:43
He has a child, he has a son. Not going to give more details.
23:46
Anyhow, he ended up with his wife's sister.
23:55
How did they reach that stage? How does one reach a stage?
24:00
You imagine it. You have a.
24:02
Son, you are a Muslim. And then?
24:06
You end up with your wife's sister.
24:08
How do you reach that stage? How you're asking me?
24:11
Yeah, like how I wouldn't reach the same.
24:13
Process. Which?
24:14
And also this is another thing because of this.
24:15
Mahram the Mahram the. Mahram thing has become so
24:19
normal. Everyone's just about to say.
24:21
She's just like. Myself, she's like my family.
24:23
With oh, you're going to end up in.
24:24
That in that scenario, hijab. You know, even cousins and all
24:28
of these kind of things in in in the South Asian culture and.
24:32
If you look at these cases, Ahmed, 99.9% reoccurring.
24:37
And I mean that it's because of this Maharam, non Maharam
24:39
mixing. Yeah, yeah.
24:40
Yeah, yeah. If, if we, if we.
24:42
Avoid all of this. We avoid half the problems if we
24:45
lower our gaze. We avoid the other half of our
24:48
problems in a lot of. Cultures say it's like
24:50
brother-in-law, sister in She doesn't need to wear hijab
24:58
around or my cousin or my wife's, my wife's family or my
25:04
husband's family or my second third cousins or they're like we
25:07
grew up together. Our point is we.
25:09
Ourselves what I'm saying so. These kind of things are like
25:11
harmful and risky, as you know, I mean and look, so with that, I
25:17
know that was an. Extreme example.
25:19
No, no, I know. I know.
25:19
Yeah, but this is this. Is where we can end up so when
25:22
you have a lot a lot Taco Buzina, what do you expect you
25:25
get but look if we're. Talking with.
25:26
So look, let's kind of pivot a bit because we're talking a lot
25:29
about like the, the, the, the, the, the kind of status we're in
25:33
this, the issues we face as as a community.
25:36
But when it comes to, for example, those who actually want
25:38
to get married, right? So we have the halal dating apps
25:43
quote UN quote. So for example, yeah, which even
25:46
then, to be really honest with them, a lot of them are really
25:48
messed up, like the advertising and they even some of them
25:52
without naming names, they pander to that world of
25:56
fornication and dating and normalizing dating culture
26:00
swipeless. Swiping.
26:01
Objectification of the opposite gender.
26:04
You know you're pigeon holing and categorizing the opposite
26:07
gender based on pictures of them.
26:09
Presumably pictures of them which they'd want to look really
26:12
good in. So wearing good clothes with a
26:13
fresh haircut and their muscles out or wearing a lot of makeup
26:16
and lipstick and a certain hijab and so on and so forth.
26:19
If they are wearing hijab. And that's the other thing as
26:21
well. So you get to a stage where you
26:23
have brothers and look, I'm from my personal experience.
26:26
I've never used or been on a dating app.
26:28
OK, so I don't know Hamdullah I, I got married at a younger age,
26:31
but I have friends, for example, who you are amazing Motmin
26:35
brothers who are at an age now where they've been looking to
26:39
get married for several years. I'm not even talking about one
26:41
or two years. I'm talking about like 10 years,
26:43
for example. And they've had no luck.
26:46
They live in a community where they've spoken or us, you know,
26:49
they've looked at the potential of any girl around them.
26:52
They can't find someone. They they use a halal dating app
26:55
and they'll speak to girls on their it's in your mind.
26:59
Do you think there is a risk or an issue when it comes to the
27:04
dating app culture and whether lowering the gaze is something
27:09
which is a bit of an issue there or not really?
27:12
Yeah, and when we say the culture of dating and dating
27:15
apps, dating is. And by the way, we've had I
27:19
think a good episode on this back in season 4 or three, if
27:23
I'm not mistaken, where we spend an entire hour talking about
27:27
halal dating. So I do advise people to go to
27:29
that episode and tune back in. But if we look at dating, dating
27:33
is not something that's like come from the Islamic world or
27:37
something that's pushed by the edge of bait or something that
27:39
was, you know, promoted by the the, the best of creation.
27:44
Rasoolallah Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
27:46
No, it's a Western thing. And we have normalized as
27:51
Muslims living in the West where we say because we can't find the
27:55
right spouse or the right person or the right fit in our
27:58
community, I would rather date now to to get to know a spouse,
28:02
right? So we have halalified so many
28:05
things and found ways that can become halal and we end up
28:09
pulling Islamic dating, right. But I, yeah, I don't want to
28:15
tell you, Ahmed, because it's problematic.
28:16
It is problematic because of course there are that time for a
28:20
bigger. Issue There are times where you.
28:21
Don't cross cross lines right. There are times where things are
28:24
permissible. Depends on how you approach and
28:26
do it right there. There are things where, as you
28:29
mentioned, people are genuinely seeking and looking for a spouse
28:36
for five years, six years, seven years in connection.
28:38
They end up. On dating apps for example.
28:41
But then if you look at the culture of dating, this Western
28:44
culture of dating, it's never a foundation for a long lasting
28:48
relationship. OK, But when you say dating
28:52
apps, I think we just need to correct that term.
28:54
Yeah, I'm saying marriage apps. OK, I was gonna say even.
28:56
If you say marriage apps, so there's comic apps with the
28:58
intention of marriage, but to be really honest with you, in
29:00
Western cultures, because they're all.
29:02
Muslim dating apps, Yeah, and they're all Muslim marriage
29:05
apps. Marriage.
29:06
Apps, I know, but yeah, look, tit for tat, right?
29:08
It is what it is. And you can, you can say you
29:10
could, you can call it what it is, you know, Point being, apps
29:13
which are there to instigate romantic culture between a man
29:16
and a woman, you're there to scout for the opposite gender.
29:19
That's what it is, whether it's for dating of a marriage, you
29:21
want to enter a romantic relationship with the opposite
29:23
agenda. So from a psychological
29:25
perspective, The thing is, it's I understand it because people
29:30
are just seeking desire. They're seeking culture, Sorry,
29:32
they're seeking connection. They're seeking someone to help
29:35
them complete half of their Dean, right.
29:37
I get that. One issue we have is people.
29:40
And I would imagine people would start to judge based on the
29:43
looks as a first point of call. I'm not saying don't marry
29:47
someone who's not good looking, Marry someone good looking,
29:49
marry someone you find attractive, right?
29:50
One of our good friends was talking about this, about how
29:53
important is the attraction. He was speaking to a girl.
29:55
He thought she was a sweet girl, really liked her.
29:58
He's like, but I just don't feel attraction towards her.
30:00
Should I consider or not? It's a tough one to say.
30:03
Like it's each to their own, right?
30:05
But The thing is, is look, Imam Masala Khali Islam says a
30:09
forbidden glance is a poisoned arrow from the arrows of
30:11
Shahdan. Whoever abandons it for the sake
30:14
of Allah, he will grant him a faith whose sweetness he will
30:17
feel in his heart from a solilo kafi.
30:19
Allah is telling us, and the Imam Alayi Salaam is telling us
30:22
that if you control yourself, you'll feel that coolness, that
30:26
sweetness in your heart. If we start as brothers and
30:29
sisters in the community who are looking to get married, start by
30:32
judging your other half or your potential spouse based on things
30:38
which are as essential as marriage looks, right as as
30:42
their looks and their body type and their hair type and their
30:44
skin type and so on. Looks is very important.
30:46
Wow, looks are. Incredibly important, but it can
30:49
be 1A and 1B. It doesn't need to be number
30:51
1234 priorities. It can and there.
30:53
Is by the way, we do have we have a hadith by the little bit
30:57
Ali Musalam who who who advise men by the way, to marry a woman
31:03
with good looking with her beautiful face, of course, of
31:06
course. Of course.
31:07
But what I'm saying is it's like, for example, if I came to
31:10
a brother, I said, bro, I know a really nice girl for you.
31:13
Let me tell you about her. It's a short and I tell him
31:16
she's involved in the community, she's respects her parents,
31:20
she's educated, she gives to charity, she's involved, blah,
31:24
blah, blah, blah blah blah. He's like, wow, she sounds
31:26
great. His attention is caught already
31:29
and then he sounds that sounds to him like someone who he might
31:32
be interested in. And then if the looks click, the
31:34
looks click. Do you get me?
31:36
But what we tend to do is we'll look at a picture, we'll swipe
31:40
left or swipe right on these apps.
31:41
And that in itself is problematic.
31:43
Before you give them a chance to talk or think, I'm not here to
31:45
be a dating coach or the relationship advise or
31:48
something. What I am saying is that, you
31:50
know, maybe as a community we need to be doing better with
31:52
matchmaking and we need to be doing better at profiling.
31:56
And also as individuals, perhaps we have a responsibility to be
32:00
less judge mental when it comes to what could be someone who can
32:03
change your life. Well, look.
32:04
The the the best and easiest process, I think for a marriage
32:07
to take place, for a serious marriage, a healthy marriage, a
32:10
real marriage, one that you know is truly not just for you, for
32:14
yourself, but not for the pleasure of Allah as it was
32:17
right. That is by just lowering your
32:19
expectations and for example, if someone has beauty as
32:25
cornerstone of his, his life, his life partner that he wants,
32:29
right, No problem, but don't make it your primary.
32:32
That's what I'm saying your. Primary 'cause right?
32:35
Have it as maybe if you have 5 conditions, make it condition 5
32:39
and not condition one. This way you're more likely to
32:42
get married. Firstly, you're more likely to
32:44
spend time getting to know someone for who they are rather
32:47
than how they look. I think that's something very
32:49
important. The only even speaking about
32:51
looks, there was there was even a time where people I saw Anna
32:56
was young and I remember people used to look for a specific
33:01
looking person because they want to have a specific looking
33:04
child. So it wasn't just about for
33:07
example, OK, I want to marry someone because they either
33:10
beautiful. I want this direction they must.
33:12
Be this tall I want for example. My child to have green eyes or I
33:16
want my daughter to have blonde hair and things like this.
33:19
And they select spouse based on that.
33:20
And I used to think, what on earth are you guys even
33:22
thinking? And it's it's it's it's mind
33:25
blowing. But ultimately, look, this whole
33:28
culture of dating, if I can just come back to it, if you can
33:32
avoid it, avoid it. Yeah, the best thing you can do
33:35
is always go back to your community, starting firstly at
33:38
home, Speak to your parents, speak to your father, speak to
33:42
your mother, speak to your uncle, your grandfather, your
33:46
your elder sibling, maybe they know someone.
33:48
And if you go to the community, the community always knows of
33:51
people who want to get married as well.
33:53
And I'm sure you will find, but a lot of times it's down to us,
33:57
but say these. Expectations are all tampered
34:00
with by the fact that we live in such a hypersexualized society.
34:03
So what ends up happening is, and I'm going to give you a
34:05
scenario, OK, Hear me out. You're a 21 year old or a 20
34:09
year old male. Yeah.
34:11
You're at the peak of your, like, hormonal charges.
34:13
Yeah. You're living outside of your
34:15
house. You're at university or
34:16
whatever. Theoretically, yeah.
34:18
You are an age where boys around you have either engaged in Zena
34:24
before or are getting engaged or married already.
34:27
OK, you may feel like an odd one out.
34:30
You want to speak to girls, you are a good looking guy, you go
34:32
to the gym, you work, you have fun with your boys.
34:35
But you want to be able to talk to girls, right?
34:39
What ends up happening? Is you go online, you see
34:42
everywhere around you that people are talking about
34:45
relationships. Subconsciously, the shows you're
34:47
watching are themed around relationships.
34:50
And then as men, we're taught to suppress these things.
34:53
OK, So what we're not taught is how to control and how to
34:59
express your desires. As men.
35:01
What we're told on the flip side is just to shut it down, ignore
35:07
it, don't think about it, You know, find an alternative.
35:11
There are strategies and we're going to come to these
35:13
strategies as men that we need to employ to help us express
35:18
ourselves better, both prior to being able to have have a wife,
35:22
but also even when you're married.
35:25
But the point being is that there's ways in which we can
35:28
manage our desire healthily. Do you see what I mean?
35:30
Ways where we can avoid the danger of suppression whilst
35:34
remaining spiritual, while remaining focused.
35:38
Our mind is in the right path. Our minds are clear and without,
35:42
you know, being able to speak about this without a fear of
35:44
judgement because that's the biggest thing the society we
35:46
live in. You look one way.
35:49
You have Red, Red Pill culture and Andrew Taylor telling you to
35:51
objectify and dehumanize women, right.
35:55
Women are nothing more than childbearers, basically.
35:57
That's the sort of culture which they give us.
36:00
And then on the flip side, you then have sisters.
36:02
I say sisters, but you have women who are either selling
36:05
themselves online. Yeah, their looks, their bodies,
36:08
whether or whether or not they're doing it on platforms
36:10
that endorse that or even whether they're doing it
36:12
subconsciously or discreetly. So, for example, they're turning
36:15
themselves into influencers. And I, we spoke to a doctor,
36:18
ironically before the podcast started, and he said that this
36:22
is something that they see are so much more of now from a
36:25
medical perspective. Yeah, relationships issues are
36:28
causing mental health issues. The root of the relationship
36:30
issues are expectation issues. Oh, I want my wife to have these
36:34
looks and these these features and these characteristics.
36:36
She doesn't have them. I'm not happy.
36:38
I'm fed up. I want to quit my marriage and
36:40
have the freedom and the liberty to do what I want.
36:42
Oh, I want my husband to look like this, perform like this,
36:45
act like this, and he doesn't. And therefore I'm fed up and I
36:48
just want to go out and have fun.
36:50
What ends up happening is these expectations are being tampered
36:53
with because we don't have confidence and we don't have
36:57
ability to feel content with what we've been given.
37:00
By last font Isla, I'm not saying be content with with low
37:05
standards. I'm saying be content with the
37:07
blessing that you've been given while at the same time being
37:10
able to understand what expectations are realistic and
37:13
what expectations should be. Our goals, right?
37:16
Our goals are immaterial as Muslims, right?
37:19
We look for things which are not material.
37:21
We don't look for a certain height or a certain body type or
37:24
a certain hair colour, right? We do, but appreciate them.
37:28
We too, we do gravitate towards them.
37:30
I as a guy, I have a certain like type.
37:32
You as a guy, you have a certain type.
37:33
But the type is meant to get us somewhere.
37:37
Do you get me? The type is meant to find us
37:39
someone who will allow us to focus on our Dean while being
37:42
able to express our romantic side at home with our wives.
37:46
You know what I mean? And This is why Shiism, without
37:49
kind of wanting to jump around too much, but why Shiism allows
37:53
or Islam in general allows temporary marriage.
37:55
Because then when you get to that talking stage of marriage
37:58
and you found someone, you there are means to explore talking to
38:02
the opposite gender, being able to see them, being able to hold
38:05
their hand, like you said, and even express yourself in further
38:08
ways. Because at times where you do
38:11
have no options, there are options.
38:12
There's always options. Of course, there's always
38:16
options. And you know, since you, you
38:18
spoke about you, you mentioned, for example, that Islam allows
38:23
temporary marriage. I, I, I, I think it's, it's good
38:27
that you mentioned this because a lot of times being Shia, this
38:31
is something we always get, for example, attacked on, picked on,
38:35
looked down upon on, and things like this.
38:37
And I think it's wrong. And I, and I think it's just a
38:40
point just to mention, for example, the Quran references
38:43
temporary marriage. Rasul Allah didn't forbid
38:48
temporary marriage. There's nowhere in the school of
38:52
El El Beit where they advise against, for example, temporary
38:56
marriage. The the only person that tells
39:02
you pretty much stay away from temporary marriage is Omar
39:05
Abdullah. If if we're real, he's the one
39:07
who forbade it. He's the one who pour
39:10
prohibition on it. And until today people believe
39:14
in that. But at the end of the day, what
39:16
our marriage, the temporary marriage, the fixed time period
39:19
marriage is something that a last panel with Allah allowed
39:22
for all the Muslims and it remains high on until the day of
39:25
judgement. So this this, this is something
39:27
clear, but doesn't mean we advocate for it that this is the
39:30
norm. I don't believe temporary
39:32
marriage is the norm, but it's a it's an Ave. it's.
39:35
It's an. Avenue for one to take in the
39:38
event for example, they struggle getting married.
39:40
That's one right? It's an Ave. for people to take,
39:43
for example, let's say, and it's sad to say this, for example,
39:46
divorcees that can not get remarried for some reason
39:49
because they're divorced. There's this like Big X that's
39:52
on them. And people don't want to marry
39:54
them because they're a divorcee. What do you expect them to do?
39:57
And you mentioned, for example, we as human beings, we have
40:00
desires, we have fear. Yeah, you don't want them to
40:02
fall into. We want connection.
40:04
And we don't want Haram bro and a Muslim bro at the end of the
40:08
day, we don't want to fall in the the world of Haram.
40:12
Allah's final Attallah has allowed certain does certain
40:16
avenues for you to take part. But that's not just the only
40:19
reason that one can, for example, do temporary marriage.
40:23
The main, I think the main, this is how I see it, Handler.
40:26
We have Alma, we have scholars, we have learned people, but from
40:30
our communities, I see the best way temporary marriage can be
40:33
utilized is in the getting to know period.
40:36
Yeah, I agree. Yeah.
40:38
Before. Committing to that it allows you
40:40
to. Speak to the opposite agenda
40:41
without calling to send. So for example.
40:43
Annie, let's let's let's be real about it.
40:45
We have fathers who are very protective of their daughters.
40:52
And by all means, I'll be shocked as father of girls.
40:57
Yeah, yeah. That that that that doesn't
40:59
care. Annie.
41:00
This gives them like a safety net that for example, OK,
41:05
someone wants to get to know my daughter, OK, she wants to get
41:09
to know him as well. I'm not saying talk for a year.
41:12
No, maybe a few weeks, two or three weeks, a month or two,
41:15
right, where you're in that period of getting to know them
41:17
and you can set conditions, man. You can say, for example, OK, we
41:21
can only, for example, speak about XYZ, we can only be in a
41:25
certain environment, et cetera. But it's all halal for you to
41:28
take that conversation, right? The importance here is that it's
41:32
all halal. That's the.
41:33
Keyword. Is halal, right?
41:35
So there's there's no harm, there's no Haram and you can say
41:37
for example, you can't have intimate relations, you can't do
41:40
XYZ. This is all part of the
41:42
conditions that you need place on this and it's a blessing
41:46
because when you do that, you know, for example, you can be
41:49
yourself without thinking twice. OK, I'm talking, I'm talking,
41:52
I'm talking, but I'm talking all in Haram.
41:56
Think about it. Think about it a lot of the
41:59
times. Because if we go back, let's say
42:02
20 years ago, that's not where we are today. 20 years ago, if
42:07
we were to speak with the opposite agenda, it was so rare
42:11
that you'd only for example, it was so rare you send an e-mail.
42:14
That and how would you commute? Genuinely like you'd.
42:17
Send 3 emails, 4 emails a day. Maybe you pick up the phone and
42:20
call them. So for example.
42:22
You'd go with your family as an example, and you'd go to her, to
42:26
the family house and you'll meet with the family.
42:28
You see the person you speak in the same room and maybe a month
42:32
later you'll go back. But we live in the day and age
42:34
now where between that meeting and the second meeting with the
42:37
family, there's a whole week gap.
42:40
If you're talking every single day different, you know.
42:42
Complete everything changes. We live in a world of Snapchat
42:45
streaks. So everyone's trying to do you
42:47
know what I mean? So This is why I say for
42:48
example. This is where you can use
42:51
temporary marriage and I think it I agree.
42:54
Yes, that that works wonders. There are there are also, and to
42:57
kind of come towards the end of this, I think, and look, there's
43:00
a huge this is a huge realm of conversation we've opened up and
43:04
make sure you subscribe because we're going to be talking about
43:06
these kind of things here and there.
43:08
But there's a few things to to talk to kind of reflect on.
43:11
Firstly, when it comes to understanding the hyper
43:14
sexualized world we live in, if we first, I think the first
43:19
thing for us to realize is that we're all vulnerable to a
43:22
degree, OK, And we need to understand what works for us,
43:26
what fails for us and kind of what struggles we have.
43:31
All of that comes back to knowing ourselves, right?
43:33
So knowing what triggers I have as an, as a man, for example, is
43:37
there an environment where when I'm in that environment, I'm,
43:41
I'm more likely to not lower my gaze, for example.
43:45
So it might be at the gym or it might be at work.
43:48
If, if I think there's a girl who's good looking, or it might
43:50
be my University Place or wherever, that's the first
43:53
thing. So being conscious of where
43:55
these things happen when it comes to the social media world,
43:58
curate your social media according to what you think
44:01
works best for you. So delete apps, unfollow
44:04
accounts, block accounts if you think that they're coming up and
44:07
you know that that's causing harm to to how your soul feels
44:10
about it. You know, using screen time
44:13
restrictors on your apps, being more conscious about your
44:17
algorithm, you know, on on social media.
44:19
Now there's with all of these posts, there's an option to
44:22
click the three dots and you click not interested.
44:24
And it says thanks. Instagram will refine your
44:26
content around this or something.
44:28
Did you know that I didn't know? No.
44:29
Yeah, yeah, it's really cool. So you.
44:31
Can actually turn off, but it's interesting because sometimes I
44:33
do it when like I want to know news about this kind of topic or
44:37
I want to follow something football related or whatever.
44:39
I will search intentionally about a football player or about
44:42
a football team or something, something, something because I
44:44
want for the next three of like, let's see, I know there's I
44:47
don't want to kind of go down the rabbit hole of football and
44:49
sports. But like now we're in January
44:51
transfer window, right? So I want to know transfer
44:53
rumours about my club. So I will search Liverpool
44:57
transfer rumours for football. And I know that then my
44:59
algorithm's going to just be feeding me this stuff and I
45:01
don't need to go out and looking for it.
45:03
And then when it finishes and I'm bored and I'm done with it,
45:05
I can just click. I'm not interested, not
45:07
interested, not interested two or three times and then it turns
45:09
it off. Do you know what I mean?
45:10
The same thing applies with, you know, TikTok influencers and
45:14
hijabi influencers and gym influencers and, or even just
45:17
people who we follow. There are other areas, for
45:21
example, habits that you can do at home to keep yourself free.
45:28
Now this is something I want to ask you about as a man.
45:32
What habits can we do spiritually, physically, at
45:35
home, or whatever that keep us away from sin as a.
45:39
Man married or as a man? Both.
45:42
Either. OK.
45:49
The best way look, the best way to stay away from all of these,
45:54
for example, environments or coming across content online or
45:58
being in certain situations or scenarios, is to keep yourself
46:02
busy. Whether that's spiritually,
46:06
whether that's trying to increase your knowledge, whether
46:09
that's spending longer time building a relationship with the
46:14
Quran, whether whatever it may be, whether it's going to the
46:18
mosque, volunteering in the community, starting a Muslim,
46:24
whatever it is, right? Keeping yourself busy will keep
46:27
you away from all the distractions of this dunya.
46:30
Because if, if all we do is wake up, go to work, go to school and
46:36
come home, the half of our time is spent watching movies, going
46:43
out with friends, scrolling mindless.
46:45
And. Using the Internet just to get
46:48
by. Yeah.
46:49
And you, we are wasting our time and Ahmed, we're going to be
46:53
held accountable for this time we're wasting and especially if
46:56
we're in our youth, that's our prime age.
46:59
And I've I've heard that Allah. So we're just Pano at Allah on
47:03
judgement Day. You know, he will question us on
47:05
our time and not just anytime the time in our youth.
47:12
Well, we're at our prime where we could have, for example,
47:16
change the world. Change the.
47:17
World literally rang. I don't know new findings in the
47:23
world of medicine. So I'm saying things right?
47:25
I know what you mean, yeah. This point is could have been.
47:27
This is the. Most critical time in our age,
47:29
and this is the time where it shapes our future as the time
47:32
where, for example, it allows us to understand what spouse we
47:35
want, what home we want to build, how we want to raise our
47:40
children. And if all we do is watch
47:42
Netflix, if all we do is go, I don't know, mixed around with
47:47
friends who take us away from gender, Yeah.
47:50
You think we're going to end up in gender eventually?
47:52
I don't think we will. Allah.
47:53
I mean, yeah, At the end of the day, I agree.
47:56
You could live a life of Haram until 80 years old and you die
47:59
at 81. But an hour?
48:02
Before you die at 81, you seeks and sets over.
48:06
Allah will forgive you, there's no doubt with that, right?
48:08
But we don't know when we're going to die.
48:10
And I think that's where it comes to because we we forget,
48:14
well, Ahmed, we forget that the only guarantee in life is death.
48:17
And when it comes knocking on our door, there's no going back
48:22
when the Angel of Death comes. That's it, That's it.
48:26
There's no saying, OK, give me another hour.
48:29
Let me do a step far. I wish I didn't speak to that
48:32
girl. I wish I didn't see that Haram.
48:34
I wish I didn't listen to that Haram like I wish I didn't speak
48:39
Haram. There's people who, for example,
48:41
indulge in causing fitna and gossip and Tahoma and all these
48:45
things like this is a dangerous vault.
48:47
And if you haven't repented by then, this game over 1 lot.
48:51
Our name is game over and you're just coming back to if we can
48:53
keep ourselves busy, whether it's religiously spiritually
48:58
with family, with friends as a single person, bro I'm.
49:02
I'm going to, like, give you something real more critical on
49:04
you. Give me tangible things.
49:06
So for example, I'm at home. I'm bored.
49:07
Yeah, I'm bored. I don't have a spouse.
49:10
I don't have kids, for example. What do I do so I'm not
49:13
scrolling on my phone? What do I do?
49:16
Like can I if? I assume Islamic.
49:18
Content if you want to watch something I'm not going on.
49:21
Yeah, pick up the Quran, read books of hadith, read stories,
49:25
watch lectures, you know, watch after maglev, whatever.
49:28
The point being is that there's things you can do, bro.
49:30
Even if it's and genuinely even if it's things that are not
49:33
Islamic per SE. It doesn't have to be, doesn't
49:36
have to be Islamic. It's OK.
49:37
Watch a documentary, learn history, learn a language, start
49:40
a lessons of learning some science or whatever.
49:42
The point being is like keeping busy, like you said, a long way.
49:45
And then as men, when we have that testosterone drive, like
49:48
you said, we want to do something.
49:50
We want to fill fill that that timetable and that schedule up
49:55
in our day-to-day, bro, use that testosterone for something else.
49:59
As men, we want to be entrepreneurs because I want to
50:01
make money, bro. We're not busy.
50:03
Yeah, that's what I'm saying we're.
50:04
Not busy. We're going to have time to
50:06
stroll or social media time. Wasting time.
50:09
We're going to be checking out. God forbid all these women we're
50:13
talking about dating this dating app culture, right yes halal
50:15
Muslim dating app culture you're going to spend all your time on
50:18
there if you're not busy in other things and you drive
50:20
yourself and. You're going to fall into
50:22
harass, drive yourself into a pit of self pity, right where
50:26
you say, oh, am I good enough for her, she good enough for me,
50:29
and you're consistently asking that question.
50:31
It's a comparison thing which is a big problem, but one important
50:34
thing for us to remember if we are on the journey to self
50:38
purification, if we are on the journey to purifying our soul
50:41
with the intention for, then our goal should just be to take
50:47
small steps towards a bigger win. 1 less scroll is 1 less
50:52
exposure to something that could potentially be in hard arm for
50:54
you. Small wins are better than just
50:57
aiming for perfection. If you're going to punish
51:00
yourself for not waking up tomorrow and not being perfect
51:03
the whole day when it comes to lowering the gaze, then you're
51:06
never going to feel like you're moving somewhere.
51:08
You will never feel momentum of growth.
51:10
Islam is about growth. When Allah span to Allah tells
51:13
us in Soto nor about the purification.
51:15
Lower your gaze for the men and cover yourselves for the women.
51:19
Surely this will purify them. Allah is all knowing and all
51:21
aware. This concept is there such that
51:25
we are aware that there is a purification process women to go
51:28
through. It's OK to have desire.
51:30
It's OK to feel an inclination towards the opposite gender.
51:33
The point being is that having desires not Haram, acting on
51:36
that desire unlawfully is Haram. And that's something that can be
51:40
done with the eyes. It doesn't have to be done with
51:42
your your mouth or a text message or whatever.
51:44
So we need to be more conscious of that.
51:46
I think that's something which we we don't think about enough.
51:48
No, I said that it's good to. Mention that that desire part.
51:51
It's not Haram to have these desires.
51:52
It's not Haram to have certain thoughts.
51:55
It's not Haram to have certain things that you want to do but
51:58
do with your lawful spouse. Yeah, speak with your spouse.
52:01
The problem is, by the way, this whole conversation has been, I
52:05
think, mainly focused on people who are single, which is fine,
52:08
which is right, but that problem is not just limited to them.
52:11
No, no, this problem also effects married people bro.
52:15
It's. I don't think, see, this is the
52:16
thing. I don't think it is, of course
52:18
the dating app thing or whatever.
52:20
Yeah, of course that's for single people.
52:21
But the social media thing, being bored is the expectations
52:25
of your spouse, what they should and shouldn't be like.
52:27
The culture we live in, that's not limited to, but that's for
52:30
everyone, right? How to use your time wisely,
52:33
right? How many stories do we hear
52:34
about couples who are who, who lose the touch with each other?
52:39
You know, literally speaking as well, Like they lose that spark,
52:42
that romantic spark with each other.
52:44
They don't hug, they don't kiss, they don't spend time together.
52:47
They don't, you know, cuddle. These kind of things are so
52:50
important. They don't show love.
52:51
They don't show love. Yeah, they don't know.
52:53
Powerful and love their lives. No, nothing.
52:56
You know, these kind of small things go away.
52:58
And also as men, I don't know about you say, but I'm a bit of
53:01
a softy. So I'm that kind of guy.
53:03
Yeah. Where I like to feel like, Oh
53:06
yeah, I made her smile today. I made my wife smile, you know,
53:09
or vice versa. And also for me, acts of
53:10
service, your love language is really important as well.
53:12
So if you're a guy in a relationship and you don't feel
53:15
loved, right, know what your love language is.
53:18
And then your relationship should kind of be designed
53:21
around that. Know yours and know your
53:22
spouses, right? So for some people you know
53:24
about the love languages, I've heard there's like.
53:26
Five. Yeah, I don't know.
53:27
Them. Yeah, again, I'm not a coach or
53:29
anything, but like, there's the acts of service and words of
53:32
affirmation and gifts and a few others you say know, touch,
53:35
physical touch. And there's one more I think the
53:37
king of. Yeah, God knows.
53:39
But no, what I'm saying is like, I know, for example, with my
53:42
wife, my, I know my wife of values, acts of service, right?
53:46
And that's something highly important for her, right?
53:49
And I think from for a lot of women.
53:50
So for example, a guy does something without being told to
53:53
do it right? So they clean, clean the, I
53:57
don't know the garage or they wash the car or this or that, I
54:00
don't know something without being prompted, prompted to do
54:03
it. Yeah, know your spouse and that
54:05
will build that connection with your spouse.
54:07
Just what I mean. And I speak to myself first and
54:09
foremost and obviously for all of us at home, that's and I.
54:12
Think just just I think on the final point on married, married
54:17
couples, shall we say is that I think see your spouse as your
54:21
life partner. The thing is, we, we may see
54:23
them as just a wife or we may just see them as the of our
54:28
children or someone who other looks after the home and things
54:32
like this. No have fun with them, laugh
54:35
with them, go out with them, spend quality time with them,
54:38
invest in them. Well, invest, invest a lot of
54:40
time with your wife. It goes a long way.
54:43
And I, I, there's a lot of men out there who slightly don't
54:47
care about their wife. And it's, it's, it's appalling.
54:49
It's, it's, it's, it's strong in many ways.
54:52
At times it's considered Haram just.
54:58
Yeah, be loving. To them, there's a lot too.
55:01
Easy. Yeah, and half these problems go
55:05
because there's a reason why I just said all of this, Ahmed,
55:08
because many a times some couples, they drift away and if
55:14
they have access to the Internet on their phone and if one side
55:18
is not showing love or one side it's.
55:21
Not living someone else. Yeah, and.
55:23
The moment, the moment. And this is, this is where
55:26
Shaitaan becomes king. In this situation, let's say you
55:32
are not spending quality time with your wife or your wife's
55:35
not spending quality time with you.
55:38
I'm not talking to you directly. I'm the speakers in general,
55:40
right? And God forbid they open up
55:44
Instagram for example. Guide the end of them.
55:46
Someone likes their post? They have a innocently They have
55:51
a public profile, let's say yeah.
55:54
And someone from the opposite gender likes their post.
55:56
And then what happens? Who's that guy?
55:58
Let me go click see who he is. He liked my post.
56:02
I like his post. What happens?
56:04
Follow follow. Back DM follow.
56:06
DM and then eventually you ruined your marriage and.
56:10
And all of this came. Back to for example, OK.
56:13
Neglect. Like this, there's a lot of
56:15
problems that happen to married couples and all comes to this
56:19
whole how much time you spend with each other big time.
56:22
And they are your. Shali, khat and hayat, we say
56:26
your life part naturally. So look.
56:29
Just to kind of wrap up, because I know we've talked about a lot,
56:33
I mean. I've I've held myself on
56:35
speaking about so much. Yeah, I know, I know.
56:37
There's a lot and look, there's different angles again and I
56:39
think we need to delve into this again.
56:41
It would be good to have someone who's an expert on this, either
56:44
on marriage or on the psychology of, of men and women.
56:48
But there's so many angles. There's the gender angles and
56:51
the gender role angles. There's the like addictions
56:54
angle. And we've talked about this
56:55
before, like the, you know, the, there's in the pornography
57:00
angle, there's the, the, the social media angle.
57:03
But the point being is, is ultimately it's OK to feel like
57:08
it's a struggle. You know you're going to have a
57:10
good day. You know you're going to have a
57:11
bad day. The aim of the game is to try
57:13
and have more good days than bad days, to make your good days
57:15
better and your bad days less frequent.
57:18
We are in the months of salvation and we're in the
57:22
months of spirituality. We're in the months of gaining
57:25
proximity to Allah, upon to Allah through the Quran and the
57:27
AL debate, Rajab, Shahaban and Shahramaban.
57:30
What better time is there? Do you know what I mean?
57:33
In, in these three months, you have so many holy dates.
57:36
Yeah, well, adits and shihadits, we have the the months of of
57:40
mercy, right? And these are the months.
57:42
Where people get married. Oh, these are the months.
57:44
Where people get married so these are the months where you
57:46
spend time with family, right so these are the days where you
57:48
reconnect with your purpose you spend less time on your phone
57:51
like to be honest on the back of this conversation I'm going to
57:54
make it an ear to just spend less time on my phone especially
57:57
on social media and also especially as we're approaching
57:59
the holy month can I make. That near, can I tell you how I
58:02
spend less time on my phone like I generally have in the last two
58:06
years? Even like my screen time, how
58:09
much times I've had to charge my phone.
58:11
Everything has like decreased handler.
58:13
Turn off notifications. You don't need those
58:15
notifications. You don't just for example, for
58:18
example, if it's WhatsApp, your work group, your family group,
58:21
your spouse, whatever it is, your siblings, keep that on when
58:25
notifications come in, get that pink right, Get that, get that
58:28
notification open and respond to them.
58:30
Or you don't need to respond and know what's happening 24/7 like.
58:34
You. Doors and avenues to things that
58:37
you're not chasing in the first place.
58:39
Can I just? Say one final advice on this and
58:42
and I think this is advice built on many years of understanding
58:47
how the community works, understanding the problems that
58:50
occur and things like this all starts as well.
58:56
Say that Ahmed Al Qaswini said in the very beginning, it starts
58:59
with the innocent Salaam and it goes to the smile and it ends in
59:03
the Haram relationship. Just this one advice.
59:07
If someone says Salaam or alaikum to you from the opposite
59:09
agenda, yeah, let's say what? Alaikum, Salaam, don't say how
59:14
are you? So that that conversation, I'm
59:17
being very real. No, I'm being.
59:19
No, no, no, I know you mean. There is only needs to be keep
59:22
attention needs to be just keep it formal.
59:24
No, no formal. Agree with it form.
59:27
I fully agree with it. You don't need to know.
59:29
You don't want to. Personalize that relationship.
59:31
You don't. Want to make it feel?
59:33
Casual and and buddies and all of that because I'm not.
59:36
There's. No, there's no environment where
59:38
it should a lot of innocent. Conversations end up having the
59:42
right intention, but I I think you just need to know where the
59:45
line is. Yeah, I agree.
59:46
Keep it formal. With the opposite gender tone,
59:50
go go into people's personal lives.
59:53
And this is now. I think when you know, you draw
59:56
the line. For example, OK if I'm
59:59
responding to something and it gives me a smile.
1:00:04
Something or if you're anticipating.
1:00:06
Their response if you're. Waiting.
1:00:08
Why aren't they not responding to my message and you've crossed
1:00:11
the bar? You've crossed something is
1:00:12
wrong that. Means, you know, this whole
1:00:13
thing is not going in the way it should go to and to our sisters,
1:00:19
our Muminar, it's Muslim arts, Afifaat and everything.
1:00:26
I just, I just want to mention one thing is that we are Shia at
1:00:29
the end of the day. And just recently we were
1:00:33
commemorating the death of, say, the Zeinab Alayhi Salaam.
1:00:37
It reminded me of her modesty and her hijab.
1:00:41
And there was a time where after the martyrdom of her mother,
1:00:49
they defied Alayhi Salaam, where she would want to go to the
1:00:53
grave of her mother, but she could never do it alone.
1:00:57
She'd have, for example, her father, Emir Al Muhammadin, walk
1:01:02
in front of her. She'll have Abbas walk to her
1:01:05
left, Imam Hussain walk to her right, without any lamps,
1:01:08
without any candles, so people don't see the shadow of, say,
1:01:12
the Zainab Ali assalam. And if we are Shia and we look
1:01:15
up to these holy personalities, there's always something that we
1:01:20
can learn from them. There's a reason why we know of
1:01:23
that story. It's for us a lesson to learn.
1:01:26
For example, if, if, if, if she did what she can do and she is
1:01:30
one of the best creations of Allah to ever walk this earth.
1:01:34
Ahmed, she's not going to enter these walls and look for these
1:01:40
things, but she's still done what she done.
1:01:42
There's a reason. It's a story, It's a lesson for
1:01:44
us that, for example, this is how we should see our scenarios
1:01:50
and situations and our hijab, our social hijab, our digital
1:01:54
hijab. It's not just a physical hijab,
1:01:56
for example. There's a reason those lamps
1:01:58
turned off. There's a reason those candles
1:02:01
were not flaming. There's a reason why people
1:02:04
didn't see her shadow. Not because women shouldn't be
1:02:07
seen. But no, it's emphasizing on
1:02:09
modesty, on higher, on social hijab and things like this.
1:02:14
And I think that's something very important to my sense.
1:02:16
On the final note, IBM bro OK. There are a lot to think about
1:02:22
guys, but let us know in the comments if there's any tips
1:02:26
which you have, anything which has worked, what struggles you
1:02:30
have and what advice you have for brothers, sisters around the
1:02:32
world and also for us. Like, you know, we want to know
1:02:35
what tips work for you and hopefully we can share that with
1:02:38
people around us as well. Lastly, make sure you share this
1:02:41
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If you are watching, use the code AM family 10 to get 10% off
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1:03:02
sisters, make sure you tune in to next week's episode.
1:03:06
And if you are. Don't spill the beans yet.
1:03:12
What for next week's episode? Yeah.
1:03:15
What can I say? I'm going to say one last thing.
1:03:16
Yeah, go on Islamic dating. I did mention earlier on.
1:03:19
No, no, no, no. Starting a new conversation.
1:03:22
Give no no break. Well, no, no, no go.
1:03:24
Joking. Go to episode 73.
1:03:27
How did you know that? I searched.
1:03:29
It very quickly go back to the After Mega podcast episode 73
1:03:32
where we spent an entire hour discussing Islamic dating,
1:03:37
Muslim dating scenarios, situations where it all comes to
1:03:40
interaction with the opposite agenda and there is a lot to
1:03:42
like shot. Allah, back to the podcast.
1:03:46
Stay tuned and share this episode with someone who would
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After maghrib.com/book was Salaam alaikum Warahmatullahi
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1:04:10
Vibes all in one place we've got some big news for you brothers
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and sisters after Magadib is back with the second annual live
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show this night is. Dedicated to the hope of
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humanity, the birth, the mission and the legacy of Imam and Hodja
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Ajrala Al Taalafa Jabu Al Sharif.
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How we prepare, resist injustice and build a better world during
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his accultation we've got a. Dozen powerhouse speakers from
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across the globe confirmed. And trust us, you do not want to
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miss this. Not one.
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But three live podcast panels, some life changing power talks,
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the biggest brands in the community and soul lifting
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reciters. This whole experience will be on
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another level. Yeah, it's been a long.
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Journey to create this event, but pressure, what pressure?
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Make sure to grab your tickets now after marvel.com/book and
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lock in your fantasy before it is gone the time.
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Is now join the movement. Will you be part of the rise?
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Who said no pressure? All I'm saying is you guys
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better book your tickets now.