Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Almost Good Advice Part VII

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Almost Good Advice Part VII · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
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Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.
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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome to the almost in his podcast. Today
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Speaker 2: we're doing an episode of almost Good Advice. Now let
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Speaker 2: me tell you. I read our three questions and I
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Speaker 2: cannot give advice on these. Okay, people, I'm letting mister Higgins,
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Speaker 2: who just I know that I say it every week
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Speaker 2: that like, you're an expert this, you could do a sermon,
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Speaker 2: you could be a minister.
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Speaker 3: You do give the.
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Speaker 2: Best advice ever. But these three questions, I think there's
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Speaker 2: two of the three questions that I feel truly uncomfortable
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Speaker 2: giving my opinion on. I will touch on it, but like,
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Speaker 2: this is stuff that needs to be dealt with with
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Speaker 2: like family therapists. Okay, this is this is not Ashley
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Speaker 2: Ike and Eddie from The Bachelor. I have no appropriateness
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Speaker 2: in giving you guys advice on this topic. Plus, like, yeah,
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Speaker 2: I just I just feel like I am not qualified. Okay,
1:01
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna put that out there. Ben just put
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Speaker 2: his glasses on their blue like blocking glasses are in They.
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Speaker 3: These are my almost good advice glasses. They make me
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Speaker 3: feel smarter, they make me feel wiser. I mean, I
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Speaker 3: think with what you're saying too. I haven't read these
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Speaker 3: questions yet.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, he hasn't read them, which is why I'm going
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Speaker 2: to lead the conversation, but because I have to do
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Speaker 2: something here.
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Speaker 3: One of the notes here that I think it's important
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Speaker 3: to say is good advice sometimes is hey, I don't
1:26
Speaker 3: have an answer. You need to talk to somebody professionally.
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Speaker 3: Like that's good advice in light.
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Speaker 2: That's what I thought. So that's what I thought while
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Speaker 2: reading this. I was like, I have no advice for you,
1:37
Speaker 2: and therefore I that is the best I can help you. Now,
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Speaker 2: if you were my best friend or just like or
1:43
Speaker 2: a good friend, and I knew a lot of aspects
1:46
Speaker 2: about your life, I knew more about your personality, I
1:49
Speaker 2: could help you a little bit better. But based on this,
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Speaker 2: like two paragraphs that I got from you can't do it.
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Speaker 3: Ben.
1:54
Speaker 2: Are you ready to be challenged?
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Speaker 3: I am. I feel like you had seven cups of
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Speaker 3: coffee this morning.
2:00
Speaker 2: I haven't had any. But no, I think I'm over
2:02
Speaker 2: compensating because you can feel that my energy was low
2:04
Speaker 2: when we were just chatting off and I was like, okay,
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Speaker 2: I gotta hype myself up.
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Speaker 3: We're on Okay, good. Well, let's kick it off. How
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Speaker 3: about you? If you've already read these and you don't
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Speaker 3: feel like you have anything to say, then how about
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Speaker 3: you read these questions Ashley, and I'll do the best
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Speaker 3: I can to respond in how I would you know
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Speaker 3: in any given circumstances.
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Speaker 2: Okay, I will save the one that I think is like, oh,
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Speaker 2: I can answer that or last. Okay, because it's kind
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Speaker 2: of fun and funny. It's a little bit, it's way lighter. Okay,
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Speaker 2: this is some anonymous My parents want to send me
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Speaker 2: to conversion therapy. What can I do? I'm a fifteen
2:44
Speaker 2: year old male living in Oklahoma. Yesterday, my mom took
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Speaker 2: me to the eye doctor and while I was in
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Speaker 2: the chair, my phone, which was on the doctor's desk,
2:53
Speaker 2: started buzzing. My mom picked it up to see what
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Speaker 2: it was, and she ended up snooping around finding a
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Speaker 2: photo album on my phone named Ah. This album was
3:04
Speaker 2: filled with pictures of men. She immediately understood what it meant.
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Speaker 2: My parents are very homophobic and religious, and they believe
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Speaker 2: being gay is a sim as I feared, they didn't
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Speaker 2: accept me at all. My dad beat me with a belt,
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Speaker 2: and although my mom tried to stop him. She was
3:22
Speaker 2: also screaming at me. Today, they told me that they
3:25
Speaker 2: will look into conversion therapy for me. I have no
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Speaker 2: say in this, and I'm not allowed to play the
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Speaker 2: piano anymore. I've been taking piano lessons for nearly two
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Speaker 2: years and I absolutely love everything about it. It's very
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Speaker 2: important to my mental health. And I'm also really afraid
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Speaker 2: of conversion therapy. The stories that I've heard about it
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Speaker 2: really scares me. It's a legal practice here in Oklahoma,
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Speaker 2: which leaves me feeling trapped and scared, and I don't
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Speaker 2: want to undergo something so fundamentally against who I am.
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Speaker 2: Is there anything I can do at all? And if
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Speaker 2: I end up having to go to conversion, should I
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Speaker 2: just pretend to be straight? Any advice on how to
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Speaker 2: navigate this would be greatly appreciated.
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Speaker 3: Okay, Ashley, do you want to say an.
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Speaker 2: I just want to say that I feel really really
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Speaker 2: bad for what you're going through and that I am
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Speaker 2: really upset with you the way your parents handled it.
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Speaker 3: So the advice here is is there anything I can
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Speaker 3: do or you can do? Anonymous writer? Well, yeah, I'm
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Speaker 3: with Ashley. I'm sorry this is where you're at a
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Speaker 3: couple like keynotes here that I would say is, I've
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Speaker 3: never known anybody now the beating is really awful to hear. Now. Also,
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Speaker 3: I've never known anybody to that's beat the gay away, right,
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Speaker 3: And I've never you know, I know that's saying. I
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Speaker 3: know it's something attempted, but it's not. It doesn't work right.
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Speaker 3: And I've never really known anybody to change who they
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Speaker 3: are as a person based on this type of punishment
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Speaker 3: or brute I've never known anybody to like switch their
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Speaker 3: mindset or switch how they feel. Because what I believe
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Speaker 3: as a human and as somebody who deeply believes in Jesus,
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Speaker 3: there is uh, there's so much more to who we
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Speaker 3: are as a person than what's on the outside and
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Speaker 3: what's expressed on the outside or so. So my point
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Speaker 3: is that you're never going to convert somebody without it
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Speaker 3: being something deeply inside of him that calls to be converted.
5:34
Speaker 3: I believe that there is a holy Spirit. I'm saying
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Speaker 3: all this because his family is religious, and so I'm
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Speaker 3: speaking to you to try to relate with these things.
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Speaker 3: I believe there's a holy Spirit that has incredible power
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Speaker 3: and wonder in this world, and as Christians, or as
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Speaker 3: anybody from a faith tradition that believes in the spiritual
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Speaker 3: realm at all, then I've always given a lot of
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Speaker 3: respect and power to that spirit realm and to say,
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Speaker 3: if Jesus is who he said he was, and if
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Speaker 3: God loves most importantly, then Jesus is going to work
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Speaker 3: in and through you, and how Jesus desires to work
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Speaker 3: in and through you, and that that power is available.
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Speaker 3: And so I'm maybe having a conversation with your parents
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Speaker 3: just saying, hey, I don't know what your belief system is.
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Speaker 3: If you agree with kind of their belief system or not.
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Speaker 3: I'm assuming that you're either very tainted by it or
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Speaker 3: you feel like faith is a list of rules and
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Speaker 3: things that you should and should not do. And you
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Speaker 3: probably know the church and people are from the church
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Speaker 3: more for what they're against than what they're for. And
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Speaker 3: that saddens me, because what the church should be for
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Speaker 3: is bringing people together. It should be it should be
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Speaker 3: I believe that oasis in the desert of life, so
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Speaker 3: that when you're around your church community, when you're practicing
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Speaker 3: your faith tradition, when you're praying to your God above,
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Speaker 3: when you're taking actions for the outsider in this world,
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Speaker 3: that you're actually getting a taste of heaven, You're getting
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Speaker 3: a taste of God, and so that your faith is
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Speaker 3: actually the oasis in the world that's going to tell
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Speaker 3: you you're not enough, then you're not doing the right things,
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Speaker 3: or who or who you are as a person doesn't
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Speaker 3: fit into this world. So I'm hoping your faith you
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Speaker 3: can find a faith community that wraps their arms around
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Speaker 3: you and says you are enough, and you are incredible,
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Speaker 3: and you are everything that God's ever desired you to be.
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Speaker 3: When it comes to the issue of your sexuality, I
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Speaker 3: can't speak to that because I don't have an expertise
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Speaker 3: in that really, but I do know many churches out
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Speaker 3: there that have fully accepted it and are affirming of
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Speaker 3: people who are attracted to the same sex. I do
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Speaker 3: believe there are people out there deeply have a true
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Speaker 3: faith in Jesus. I'm guessing that's what your religious tradition is,
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Speaker 3: your family's religious tradition, because you're in Oklahoma and they're
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Speaker 3: trying to convert you. So I'm assuming you know it's
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Speaker 3: probably some fundamental or conservative Christianity. But there are many
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Speaker 3: churches out there who have not only had people stand
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Speaker 3: up as teachers of scripture, teachers of God who also
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Speaker 3: are homosexual. So there are those people, and and I
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Speaker 3: encourage you to try to reach out to some of
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Speaker 3: those and to read some of those. I personally am
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Speaker 3: not a parent, but I can never imagine in this
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Speaker 3: situation asking one of the humans in my life that
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Speaker 3: a parent probably loves most, which is their child, that
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Speaker 3: they're just not good enough for their family dynamics no
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Speaker 3: matter what, Like I just can't and then that's not okay.
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Speaker 3: So back to the question of what can you do.
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Speaker 3: I think your options are honestly, sadly, very limited. I
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Speaker 3: think there's like a couple pass here, you're fifteen years old,
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Speaker 3: you can't leave home, and if you do, it's it's
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Speaker 3: not going to be good good for you. It's probably
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Speaker 3: not the best option here. If it is a very
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Speaker 3: unhealthy environment and you feel like you are, you know,
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Speaker 3: getting beaten to a point where you know you can
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Speaker 3: start to maybe categorize it in other ways, then I
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Speaker 3: would recommend maybe reaching out to some professional support to
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Speaker 3: see if there's options to either get out of there
9:38
Speaker 3: or to separate for a period of time to get
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Speaker 3: some space. And if there's an environment that you could
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Speaker 3: go to for a while to get some protection and
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Speaker 3: to let everybody kind of breathe and maybe let this
9:50
Speaker 3: well things sink in a bit. It's probably pretty shocking
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Speaker 3: for everybody, yourself included. I also would say that, you know,
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Speaker 3: I don't know what convert therapy it exactly is, or
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Speaker 3: what exactly does. It doesn't sound healthy. It feels very barbaric.
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Speaker 2: Seen documentary is on it before it can get really gruesome.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, it feels very barbara.
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Speaker 2: But I will say that, like I'm very stuck on
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Speaker 2: the fact that he was beat Yeah.
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Speaker 3: I just don't know the we don't know the extent, right,
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Speaker 3: I mean obviously like my grandpa spanked me with a belt,
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Speaker 3: like that's kind of you know, like I don't, I
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Speaker 3: don't know, And it like wasn't like he beat me
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Speaker 3: to you know, where I was bleeding a bruised, but
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Speaker 3: it was I guess it. I don't know. I'm going
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Speaker 3: to assume because he didn't say, hey, I felt like
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Speaker 3: it was abuse, that it was probably like a spanking.
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Speaker 3: And if that's the case, then like I still think
10:47
Speaker 3: spanking's weird. But like I know some people today that
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Speaker 3: still believe that it's a proper punishment. I mean, it
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Speaker 3: wasn't that long ago the elementary school of public elementary
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Speaker 3: schools in Indiana still had the principles, still have the
10:58
Speaker 3: ability to spank the kids.
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Speaker 2: That is wacky.
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Speaker 3: So I don't know, Like I can't, I don't want to.
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Speaker 3: That's why I said, I don't want to categorize it
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Speaker 3: in a way that's unfair or not giving it like
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Speaker 3: the proper justice, or maybe giving it too much sentiment.
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Speaker 3: So I don't know. Conversion therapy it seems barbaric, it
11:19
Speaker 3: doesn't seem healthy. It's not going to change who you are.
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Speaker 3: I mean, that's that's the truth of the whole thing.
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Speaker 3: There's only one thing in this world that changes who
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Speaker 3: we are, and that's a deep love for that I
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Speaker 3: believe comes from God like and that usually changes for
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Speaker 3: the better. And so I'm not saying that you need
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Speaker 3: to be changed. I'm saying, like, conversion therapy isn't going
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Speaker 3: to change you as a human. There's only one thing
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Speaker 3: that changes you as a human. And usually, at least
11:45
Speaker 3: in my experience in life, God has only changed me
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Speaker 3: to be a better person to others and to myself
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Speaker 3: and to the people around me, And so I don't
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Speaker 3: think conversion therapy is going to do anything for you.
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Speaker 3: You find like it's going to be a very unhealthy practice.
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Speaker 3: So again going back to options, you need to talk
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Speaker 3: to them. You need to tell them who you believe
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Speaker 3: you are as a human. You need to tell maybe
12:12
Speaker 3: tell them your kind of your stance on your fear.
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Speaker 3: I think parents, good parents, when a child expresses their
12:20
Speaker 3: fear towards something, will respond in a loving way. And
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Speaker 3: I'm hoping that once they hear, hey, i'm really scared
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Speaker 3: of this, I'm really nervous about this, and here are
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Speaker 3: the reasons why. I'm hoping they respond in a loving
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Speaker 3: way and says okay, let's chat. I also think there,
12:39
Speaker 3: you know, again, there is that possibility of taking a
12:43
Speaker 3: leave of absence, hopefully away from them. I don't know
12:45
Speaker 3: if you have family that maybe you can go to,
12:47
Speaker 3: if you can ask them, if you can maybe visit
12:49
Speaker 3: some family for a few weeks and let this like
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Speaker 3: sink into them a little bit, breathe a bit, get
12:54
Speaker 3: some you know, so you can all kind of regather
12:57
Speaker 3: your thoughts. So I think those two are really good
12:59
Speaker 3: opt I think the third option here would one hundred
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Speaker 3: percent for me, and I'm encouraging you to do this
13:07
Speaker 3: is to go to I mean, this is my advice
13:12
Speaker 3: and what I would say, and so it's not everybody's.
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Speaker 3: I would go to your local church that you believe
13:18
Speaker 3: will at least want to listen to you. I'm not
13:20
Speaker 3: going to say they're going to agree with you on
13:23
Speaker 3: where you're at in life, but at least they'll come
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Speaker 3: and listen to you. You need to go there and
13:27
Speaker 3: kind of tell them your situation. And then finally you
13:30
Speaker 3: have a psychiatrist or a therapist a family a family
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Speaker 3: therapist that can maybe sit and moderate and mediate for
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Speaker 3: your family here and kind of be maybe a voice
13:38
Speaker 3: of reason in the midst of this really chaotic time
13:41
Speaker 3: for your parents and for yourself obviously. I mean, I'm
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Speaker 3: not thinking that you want to come out to them
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Speaker 3: in this way with pictures on your phone. But all
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Speaker 3: of this to be said, and again this comes from anonymous.
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Speaker 3: I want your parents to love you well, and I
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Speaker 3: know that deeply when they had you as a child,
14:05
Speaker 3: their desire was to love you well. And so at
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Speaker 3: fifteen years old, you are going to have to deal
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Speaker 3: with and figure out some complex issues that it's unfair
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Speaker 3: to you at fifteen years old. But my desire for
14:23
Speaker 3: you is to figure out how your family can get
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Speaker 3: back to a loving place again. I'm sure this is
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Speaker 3: not how you want to come out to them. I'm
14:32
Speaker 3: sure this is not how they would ever dreamed of
14:34
Speaker 3: you coming out to them, if that was ever a possibility.
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Speaker 3: But it happened, and so now there is that kind
14:41
Speaker 3: of really unfair thing to you that you're going to
14:44
Speaker 3: have to talk through and deal with some complex feelings
14:46
Speaker 3: and emotions and issues with parents who right now feel
14:49
Speaker 3: like they're going to try to push you aside. And
14:52
Speaker 3: I've never known a good parent that wants to push
14:56
Speaker 3: their kids away no matter what.
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Speaker 2: Well, I hope that they're I don't know that they're
15:04
Speaker 2: good parents, but we'll see.
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Speaker 3: We'll see, we'll see how they respond. Now I know
15:11
Speaker 3: personally that probably the god of your parents and the
15:14
Speaker 3: god that your parents believe in been over backwards for
15:18
Speaker 3: the outsider, for the person that was pushed aside in
15:20
Speaker 3: this world, and so I hope they do the same thing.
15:35
Speaker 2: All right, Let's get to our next question, also from anonymous.
15:39
Speaker 2: I'm pregnant and emotionally ready, but I can't afford it.
15:42
Speaker 2: What should I do? I'm thirty and my partner is
15:45
Speaker 2: thirty one. We've accidentally gotten pregnant. We're in a secure,
15:49
Speaker 2: healthy relationship for the past three years, and I have
15:51
Speaker 2: a well paid job, but he recently switched careers and
15:54
Speaker 2: has a year left on a low paying traineeship. We
15:59
Speaker 2: both want this so badly, but we're considering not going
16:01
Speaker 2: through with the pregnancy, which breaks my heart in a
16:03
Speaker 2: way I can't even describe. For a few reasons, we
16:06
Speaker 2: don't have much in terms of savings. Our combined income
16:09
Speaker 2: isn't very high. We're currently living in a house boat,
16:12
Speaker 2: not great for a pregnant woman or a baby. We're
16:16
Speaker 2: flipping it to sell it for profits and put a
16:19
Speaker 2: down payment on a house eventually. We don't live in
16:22
Speaker 2: the same country as any family. I want this so badly.
16:26
Speaker 2: My partner and I are emotionally ready, but I don't
16:28
Speaker 2: want my child to grow up any family struggling to
16:30
Speaker 2: make ends meet. What should I do? Okay, I'll put
16:36
Speaker 2: my two cents in here. I think you should have
16:38
Speaker 2: the baby because you really want the baby, You're at
16:42
Speaker 2: a good age for it. You sound like you're obviously
16:47
Speaker 2: not in the greatest of financial situations. But can you
16:52
Speaker 2: feed this baby? Can you keep the you know, can
16:54
Speaker 2: you keep it clothed and healthy and bathe and have
16:58
Speaker 2: a roof under the head over the head? I think
17:02
Speaker 2: you can. And I just feel like it will be
17:08
Speaker 2: a huge regret of yours if you were to end
17:12
Speaker 2: this pregnancy. Of course, we're not best friends. I may
17:17
Speaker 2: not be the best you know. I'm just going off
17:19
Speaker 2: of what you're saying. I don't want your trial to
17:24
Speaker 2: grow up in a struggling family either, but not everybody
17:28
Speaker 2: is in the financial place that they want to be
17:30
Speaker 2: when they end up having a baby. As long as
17:34
Speaker 2: you can take care of this baby, I think you
17:37
Speaker 2: you know, give it its fundamental needs and love being
17:40
Speaker 2: one of you know, love and affection and guidance and
17:44
Speaker 2: all that being so high I'm that list. So that's
17:49
Speaker 2: my quick two cents, Ben, I feel like you are
17:52
Speaker 2: going to say something similar.
17:55
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I make mind, just would There's the
17:57
Speaker 3: only advice here for me would be give you encouragement.
18:00
Speaker 3: Like people all over the world are having children and
18:05
Speaker 3: they're doing it fantastically. They're great parents, they love well,
18:09
Speaker 3: they're caring for their child well, and in fact, in
18:13
Speaker 3: my life, I've never met somebody who's had a baby
18:18
Speaker 3: who hasn't said it's one of the greatest gifts, if
18:20
Speaker 3: not the greatest gift, that they've ever been given. And
18:23
Speaker 3: so you know what right now, like I've told been
18:26
Speaker 3: very open about, you know, my outlook on being a parent,
18:29
Speaker 3: something I desire, something I want. But I'm thirty five
18:34
Speaker 3: years old and I've gone thirty five years of my
18:36
Speaker 3: life without it. So I don't know if I'm ready.
18:39
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's like going to make my
18:42
Speaker 3: life better. I believe it will, because I believe it's
18:44
Speaker 3: one of the greatest gifts that we are given and
18:47
Speaker 3: one of the biggest blessings that we can have. So
18:50
Speaker 3: my point is, if millions upon millions of people every
18:56
Speaker 3: year can have babies and do it, you can't too.
18:59
Speaker 3: It sounds like you are actually very well suited to
19:02
Speaker 3: do this and do it fantastically. And my other point
19:07
Speaker 3: would be that I don't think you're ever ready, Like
19:10
Speaker 3: I really believe that I think you think you are,
19:12
Speaker 3: and I think women especially have like more of a
19:17
Speaker 3: desire and like a an excitement or maybe that like
19:22
Speaker 3: feeling of no I cannot wait to have a baby.
19:25
Speaker 3: But I don't know if anybody is actually ever ready, Like,
19:29
Speaker 3: I don't think there's ever a time in life where
19:31
Speaker 3: you wake up and you're like, you know what, I'm
19:34
Speaker 3: pregnant and I know I'm going to crush this. I
19:36
Speaker 3: think that would be a terrible mindset. If you're like,
19:38
Speaker 3: I'm going to bring a human life into this, I'm
19:40
Speaker 3: going to carry them in my womb, I'm going to
19:44
Speaker 3: give birth to this child, and I'm going to do
19:47
Speaker 3: it perfectly because I'm so good at this. I think
19:50
Speaker 3: that would be a bad mindset. I think the mindset
19:53
Speaker 3: is like I know I can do it. I know
19:55
Speaker 3: I can make it happen. Am I ready? I don't
19:57
Speaker 3: really know because life is old and it takes twists
20:01
Speaker 3: and turns every day. So my encouragement to you is
20:03
Speaker 3: there's so many don't take this wrong. If Ashley can
20:06
Speaker 3: do it, you can do it too. If if my
20:11
Speaker 3: mom can do it, you can do it too. Like
20:14
Speaker 3: you can do this.
20:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm really not concerned for you.
20:17
Speaker 3: No, I'm not like that.
20:18
Speaker 2: I know it's just a few paragraphs were going.
20:21
Speaker 3: Off of, but this is a very like I'm reading this,
20:24
Speaker 3: I'm like, of course it's overwhelming. Of Course you're questioning
20:27
Speaker 3: where you live. Of course, you're questioning you and your
20:29
Speaker 3: husband's future. Of course, you're questioning if you're ready financially.
20:33
Speaker 3: Of course you're questioning if you have the time and
20:35
Speaker 3: the effort in the space for this. That's like, that's
20:37
Speaker 3: very human, that's very normal. You're not alone in those questions.
20:41
Speaker 2: The baby's not going to know certain things. It's not
20:44
Speaker 2: going to know if all of it's closed or hand
20:45
Speaker 2: me downs, if you got all of the car seats
20:49
Speaker 2: and strollers from the thrift store or they were all donated.
20:54
Speaker 2: It's fine. You able to feed the baby, get the baby, love,
20:58
Speaker 2: It's going to be happy. We're gonna be good.
21:01
Speaker 3: You're gonna do great. So my encouragement is have the baby.
21:08
Speaker 3: Let it change you in the way it's gonna change you.
21:10
Speaker 3: Let it enhance life where it enhances life. And it's
21:14
Speaker 3: gonna be from not my personal experience, but from so
21:17
Speaker 3: many around me, it's gonna be one of the coolest
21:20
Speaker 3: things you ever did. Actually, would you agree it to
21:23
Speaker 3: one of the coolest things you ever done? Oh?
21:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. And yeah, just like even in the
21:30
Speaker 2: morning when they wake up and you're like, oh, you're
21:32
Speaker 2: waking up. But then like you get to cuddle with
21:34
Speaker 2: him in bed, and then they go, Mama, Mama, You're
21:38
Speaker 2: just gonna be like, You're the best thing ever. You're
21:40
Speaker 2: so cool. Okay. Our last one is the one that
21:45
Speaker 2: I said was a little bit more lighthearted, good in
21:48
Speaker 2: the grand scheme of things. Yeah, my boyfriend subscribed to
21:52
Speaker 2: my best friend's OnlyFans. My boyfriend and I have been
21:55
Speaker 2: dating for two and a half years. He's twenty six,
21:57
Speaker 2: I'm twenty five. We live together now, and I thought
22:01
Speaker 2: we were pretty serious. Long story short, I caught him
22:04
Speaker 2: subscribing to my best friend's only fans page. She's confirmed
22:09
Speaker 2: it's true, and so did he. It's been a few
22:13
Speaker 2: months and we haven't broken up, but I feel extremely
22:15
Speaker 2: betrayed and disgusted. I can't look at him the same,
22:18
Speaker 2: let alone bring up her name. I am not mad
22:23
Speaker 2: at her, of course, but I don't know what to do,
22:26
Speaker 2: and I don't know if this could be forgiven. His
22:28
Speaker 2: explanation is that he was curious. I don't know. Okay, Well,
22:35
Speaker 2: first off, I don't know what your friend's only fans
22:38
Speaker 2: looks like, because there's like a wide range of what
22:40
Speaker 2: an OnlyFans can be it can go. Let's assume it's
22:43
Speaker 2: just like it's porn, Yeah, like full full fledged porn.
22:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's assume that, because if not, we can dance
22:50
Speaker 3: around this forever.
22:51
Speaker 2: If it's full fledged porn and he's I mean, it's
22:54
Speaker 2: effing like we it's weird and I would be grossed
22:57
Speaker 2: out too. But I also kind of by him saying
23:01
Speaker 2: that he was curious, Leo Ben's face is like, Ashley,
23:08
Speaker 2: are you kidding me? Yeah? I I wonder how often
23:16
Speaker 2: you see this friend? Like, is this a friend that's
23:18
Speaker 2: in your daily life? Is this a friend that he
23:21
Speaker 2: hangs out with often? If he hangs out with her
23:24
Speaker 2: in person, that's really weird. I know it's his best friend,
23:28
Speaker 2: but like, that's really weird. I guess. I mean, obviously
23:33
Speaker 2: it's concerning. I would be pissed. I need more from him,
23:38
Speaker 2: Like what was he thinking? I get being curious, but
23:42
Speaker 2: like to subscribe? Did he subscribe to it? I don't.
23:45
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know. It's it's all a
23:50
Speaker 2: bit interesting, Yeah, that's all I don't know. Then obviously
23:59
Speaker 2: it's a problem. I'm asking for your help here because
24:02
Speaker 2: why do I not want her to break up with
24:04
Speaker 2: him over the one thing is that bad.
24:08
Speaker 3: No, I would agree with you.
24:09
Speaker 2: Okay, I just don't know if it's like totally break
24:12
Speaker 2: upable over m it's just definitely effing a weird.
24:18
Speaker 3: I respect, I actually respect his honesty. I think he
24:22
Speaker 3: was curious. I think he was curious, not only because
24:25
Speaker 3: he was curious about the page of what was going on.
24:29
Speaker 3: I think he was also he's kind of probably curious
24:32
Speaker 3: about your best friend. He's obviously found her to be
24:38
Speaker 3: at whatever level, something that I'm not going to say
24:41
Speaker 3: he admires or he desires or that he fantasizes about.
24:45
Speaker 3: But he's curious enough. And I think he was honest
24:49
Speaker 3: with you about that. And so if he was honest
24:52
Speaker 3: with you, I don't know what you're looking for in
24:54
Speaker 3: a partner. So if you're looking for a partner who
24:58
Speaker 3: doesn't follow your your friends on only things, then like
25:00
Speaker 3: maybe he's not your guy. But if you're looking for
25:02
Speaker 3: a partner to be honest with you, I think there
25:05
Speaker 3: is a step here who you have to respect his life.
25:07
Speaker 2: He then nails it. He nails it. He was able
25:11
Speaker 2: to put together what I was like kind of like
25:15
Speaker 2: feeling but couldn't put into words. And I'm gonna be
25:18
Speaker 2: so honest here. Before Jared and I were together, it's
25:22
Speaker 2: like probably a year before we got together, he had
25:28
Speaker 2: seen a girl like two visits. She was not on
25:34
Speaker 2: OnlyFans at the time, but she gotten only fans and
25:38
Speaker 2: I was like, her Instagram was a little silicious, okay,
25:41
Speaker 2: And I was like, who is this? You know, who
25:45
Speaker 2: is this? And then I'd ask his best friend, who's
25:48
Speaker 2: a girl? Who is this? And she actually lied to
25:51
Speaker 2: me until we were together, I think about who she
25:55
Speaker 2: really was. She claimed it was a friend of hers,
25:58
Speaker 2: but once we got together, thing was out in the air.
26:01
Speaker 2: She was like yeah, well, like you know, he was like, yeah,
26:04
Speaker 2: I saw her a few times and then and she
26:07
Speaker 2: ended up getting only fans in I think probably when
26:11
Speaker 2: we got together and I was at dinner with a
26:15
Speaker 2: couple of girlfriends and we and I was dying of
26:19
Speaker 2: curiosity to see what her only fans look like. So
26:23
Speaker 2: my best friend subscribed so that we could watch the
26:26
Speaker 2: videos at dinner. So like, I understand the burden curiosity
26:31
Speaker 2: of having somebody in your on the outskirts of your
26:35
Speaker 2: life and having an only fans just wanting to see
26:38
Speaker 2: what was on it?
26:50
Speaker 3: I mean, am I wrong in saying that only fans
26:53
Speaker 3: when it's probably nude? Like the design at the basis
27:01
Speaker 3: of everything is curiosity, Like, it's fantasy and curiosity. You
27:04
Speaker 3: follow these four fantasy and curiosity. And so I do
27:08
Speaker 3: believe that as a drawing factor to why people follow
27:12
Speaker 3: people they follow they see on Instagram, because it is
27:15
Speaker 3: that that you know, desire that fantasy, the curiosity of
27:20
Speaker 3: I want to see what else is there? Right? Or
27:24
Speaker 3: and so I don't think he was lying to you,
27:26
Speaker 3: and and and so none of this to me is like, Hey,
27:29
Speaker 3: you're going to break up with him because he is.
27:32
Speaker 3: He isn't communicating well with you, right, that's different. He's
27:35
Speaker 3: lying to you, that's different. He's not honest with you,
27:37
Speaker 3: that's different. He has been honest with you. Again, if
27:40
Speaker 3: if you're hurt and you're just like I don't want
27:43
Speaker 3: a partner who follows my best friend or would even
27:46
Speaker 3: have the potential to follow my best friend on only fans,
27:53
Speaker 3: then that's a whole separate issue. But if your your
27:55
Speaker 3: question is here, can you be mad at him based
27:59
Speaker 3: on his response? No, he was honest. And so now
28:02
Speaker 3: you guys have to make the decision is this gonna
28:05
Speaker 3: work or not? Or was this you know, is this
28:07
Speaker 3: good enough for us or not? I think that's the
28:09
Speaker 3: big question. It's wild. I find it weird. I don't
28:15
Speaker 3: know if everybody would find it weird. I'm sure there's
28:17
Speaker 3: many people who'd be like that makes sense, like yeah, yeah, onnervous,
28:20
Speaker 3: and I get it. I find it weird. I find
28:23
Speaker 3: it a little bit of a betrayal, probably of the
28:26
Speaker 3: intimacy of your relationship and probably your friendship with her.
28:31
Speaker 3: I don't I personally think it would hurt, It would
28:37
Speaker 3: be weird, It would bring up a lot of questions,
28:39
Speaker 3: It would bring up a lot of concerns. But I
28:41
Speaker 3: think you have from what you wrote here, you have
28:44
Speaker 3: somebody who at least, even if you have a lot
28:47
Speaker 3: of questions and concerned, he'll be honest with you about
28:50
Speaker 3: the questions you ask, if you're willing to hear him.
28:53
Speaker 3: And then you have to make the decision is this
28:55
Speaker 3: the right person for me or not? That's up in
29:00
Speaker 3: the air, Like I can't make that decision for you,
29:02
Speaker 3: but at least you can start asking the right questions.
29:05
Speaker 3: You can ask him to be honest with you about
29:07
Speaker 3: it and you guys can start figuring this out. But yes,
29:10
Speaker 3: you feel weird about it. I think that's fine. I'm
29:12
Speaker 3: sure he feels weird about it now too. I'm sure
29:14
Speaker 3: your best friend probably feels weird about it also. But
29:17
Speaker 3: it happened, and so now you have to figure out
29:19
Speaker 3: what's best next.
29:21
Speaker 2: Good answer, ven good as.
29:24
Speaker 3: I also want to go back to our very first question,
29:27
Speaker 3: the fifteen year old and living in Oklahoma. Closing words
29:31
Speaker 3: on that are, no matter what, no matter what, you
29:38
Speaker 3: are a human with great value. You are a human
29:42
Speaker 3: with breath. You are loved. Keep going, never give up,
29:49
Speaker 3: because this is either going to become a story that
29:52
Speaker 3: you tell to help others for years to come, or
29:59
Speaker 3: this is going to be a story that you and
30:00
Speaker 3: your parents talk about together. That's my hope that helps
30:05
Speaker 3: others for years to come. But no matter what, you're
30:07
Speaker 3: gonna have a story to tell that. So many people
30:10
Speaker 3: are going to relate with that. So many people feel
30:13
Speaker 3: pushed aside and alone by You're in it right now.
30:18
Speaker 3: You're in that story. I mean, you're in this story.
30:20
Speaker 3: It feels like you're walking through the valley of the
30:23
Speaker 3: Shadow of Death, and it feels like nothing makes sense,
30:25
Speaker 3: and it feels chaotic, and it feels complex, and it
30:28
Speaker 3: makes you feel alone. But I promise you that story
30:32
Speaker 3: is not over, and that ending to this story will
30:35
Speaker 3: be one that allows you to have an incredible message
30:39
Speaker 3: for so many who need people like you to speak
30:43
Speaker 3: to the So keep going. You're in the story, don't
30:47
Speaker 3: give up.
30:48
Speaker 2: Let's sign off right there. I've been Ashley, and I've been.
30:51
Speaker 1: Then follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
30:56
Speaker 1: on iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
31:00
Speaker 3: Yeah,