Latest / The Nadia Chapman Show / Rising Above Rink Drama: Protecting Your Peace

Transcript

Rising Above Rink Drama: Protecting Your Peace · The Nadia Chapman Show

• 0:02
  Hi, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Nadia Chapman Show
• 0:07
  for Figure Skaters, the podcast where we say the quiet part out loud, especially today.
• 0:14
  Because here's the truth. Skating is beautiful, powerful, and deeply rewarding,
• 0:20
  but it's also filled with so much drama.
• 0:26
  Comparation, pressure, jealousy, gossip, side-eye glances, and people who act
• 0:33
  like they're on a hunger game for some reason.
• 0:36
  So today, we're getting into it.
• 0:39
  Toxic energy at the rink. The drama, the pettiness, the she's copying my dress,
• 0:46
  she's copying my footwork kind of energy. All of it.
• 0:51
  And more importantly, we're going to be talking about how you can rise above it all, because you can.
• 0:57
  You can learn how to protect your peace and stay focused on what truly matters,
• 1:02
  and that's your why, why you're at the rink, your goals, and just becoming that
• 1:08
  skater and human that you're meant to be.
• 1:10
  So if you've ever left a session feeling more emotionally drained and physically
• 1:16
  tired, this one's for you. Here's the reality.
• 1:19
  Drama at the rink is everywhere. Let's be real.
• 1:24
  Skating rinks are like emotional pressure cookers.
• 1:28
  You've got the ambitious kids, the competitive parents, the coaches with the
• 1:33
  big egos, Olympic dreams, puberty, and these very competitive and driven athletes.
• 1:40
  So you've got a perfect storm.
• 1:43
  It's no wonder that drama happens, that there's gossips and cliques and comparisons
• 1:49
  and just the cold shoulder, whether you win or you lose.
• 1:53
  I've been in the skating world for so many years, and I think I've seen it all,
• 1:57
  whether it comes from the skaters, the parents, or the coaches.
• 2:01
  Here's the thing. The drama is annoying, but more importantly, it's damaging.
• 2:07
  And it can be damaging if you don't learn how to mentally protect yourself from it.
• 2:12
  The thing is, is that skating is not just a sport. It's very emotional. It's personal.
• 2:19
  You pour your heart into this. So when someone talks behind your back or laughs
• 2:24
  at you or throw shades, it's not just about your skating.
• 2:27
  It feels like an attack on your person, an attack on you. But listen up.
• 2:32
  Most drama isn't about you. It's about them, the people who create it.
• 2:38
  It's their fear, their own insecurity, their need to feel maybe better than
• 2:44
  other people, just because deep down, they don't believe that they're good enough.
• 2:49
  So I've created a drama survival kit, if I can call it like that, for you guys.
• 2:55
  And I want to shift into these tools right now, because just telling you,
• 2:59
  oh, you need to ignore it doesn't work.
• 3:01
  Especially if you're in a toxic environment with people that might not want you to succeed.
• 3:08
  It's very heavy especially if you're younger
• 3:11
  and I want you to keep feeling confident whether you're
• 3:14
  in a practice or competition or anywhere where you
• 3:17
  feel like things are a little bit toxic here's what I
• 3:20
  coach my skaters to do number one I want you to name it and don't blame yourself
• 3:26
  so that's the first thing call it what it is if someone's being manipulative
• 3:30
  or passive aggressive or fake supporting you know the oh I love your program
• 3:36
  it's so different or like oh you're doing is so good, blah, blah, blah.
• 3:39
  Don't gaslight yourself. You're not being sensitive. You're being aware.
• 3:44
  But once you name it, like, oh, this is just a jealousy thing,
• 3:49
  or this is you're trying to feel in control.
• 3:51
  You stop taking everything so personal.
• 3:54
  Okay, so name it. Don't blame yourself.
• 3:57
  Number two, set invisible boundaries. You don't need to make a scene.
• 4:02
  You don't need to post about it. You don't even need to respond.
• 4:06
  Just make a silent decision like, you know what? I'm not engaging. I'm here to train.
• 4:12
  That might mean physically moving to another corner of the ring or putting your
• 4:16
  AirPods in or maybe limiting how much you share with people who's shown that
• 4:21
  they cannot be trusted. You don't owe everyone access to your mind.
• 4:26
  How's that? You don't owe everyone access to your mind and to your space and to your peace.
• 4:32
  Number three, reclaim your focus.
• 4:35
  Toxic people want your attention. They want to distract you. They want to hurt you.
• 4:41
  When you shift your focus back to your training, back to your goals,
• 4:45
  to your joy, you cut their power off. Isn't that beautiful?
• 4:49
  Because every single second that you spend overthinking their goddamn,
• 4:53
  sorry, opinion is the second that you're not landing that jump,
• 4:58
  it's energy that's being sucked out of you.
• 5:01
  Number four, laugh when you can. And I'm being very serious.
• 5:06
  I love humor. I use humor all the time to change my perspective on things because
• 5:13
  humor is a great shield. You don't have to take things so seriously.
• 5:17
  You don't have to take yourself so seriously. Don't take them too seriously.
• 5:21
  But when you laugh at the absurdity going on, it really loses its grip.
• 5:26
  Number five, talk to the right people.
• 5:29
  Don't bottle things up, okay?
• 5:32
  But also don't vent and don't gossip, but don't talk too much to the wrong people.
• 5:38
  Find a safe person, a nice parent, a good coach, or just a trusted friend who
• 5:44
  can listen to you and help you reset and not spiral into repeating the same
• 5:49
  pattern of gossiping and talking bad about someone.
• 5:53
  So choose connection over chaos every time.
• 5:56
  All right. Now this one is for the parents real quick.
• 6:00
  We love you. We know how much you care, but please remember that your skater
• 6:06
  is watching how you react to the drama too.
• 6:09
  And I've been in this skating world for so long, and there's one thing I noticed.
• 6:13
  The mean kids, the vicious kids, the gossipy kids, and not-so-nice kids,
• 6:19
  they often learn it from the parents. It comes from the top.
• 6:23
  So if you're gossiping in the car on the way home, they learn to judge.
• 6:27
  If you're comparing her to other kids out loud, she starts to feel like she's not enough.
• 6:33
  If you're living through your kids' results, he or she is going to burn out
• 6:38
  so much faster in this skating world.
• 6:41
  So be calm, be a good anchor, help your child build resilience and good work
• 6:48
  ethic and not rivalry with everybody around them.
• 6:52
  Just as a reminder, remember that you are not in the skating journey to be liked by everyone.
• 7:01
  You're not at the ring to be liked by every single skater that you're going
• 7:05
  to meet, every parent or coaches.
• 7:07
  You are there to become the best skater you can be, period.
• 7:13
  And guess what? That version of you is the one who's brave and focused and kind
• 7:19
  and going after her or his goals.
• 7:23
  So let them talk. Let them whisper.
• 7:26
  Let them post. Who cares?
• 7:29
  You, you show up, you train, you keep your head high, and you skate your best, and you work hard.
• 7:36
  Guys, I won't tell you how old I am, but I've been in this skating journey for
• 7:43
  many decades in different countries, just like a lot of you.
• 7:47
  And I've seen and I've heard so many things that were not okay.
• 7:51
  And I want to use this platform to be heard right now, not just by skaters,
• 7:57
  but by the adults around them.
• 8:00
  We all have a role in shifting the culture of figure skating. Thank you.
• 8:04
  Like this drama, the comparisons, the jealousy, the sabotaging somebody's dress
• 8:11
  or trying to destroy somebody's blades.
• 8:14
  Yes, it happened to my daughter last year. I know who did it.
• 8:18
  It's a mother who cut laces and scratch blades at a competition.
• 8:24
  So all the drama, I know that you probably have stories as well,
• 8:29
  but that unspoken tension between the athletes and the parents and the coaches.
• 8:35
  It doesn't have to be this way. It doesn't.
• 8:38
  The sport is hard enough. It requires so much discipline, so much emotional
• 8:44
  resilience, so much time, so much money.
• 8:48
  If you're a parent, you know how much money, so many sacrifices,
• 8:52
  being on the road, traveling for competition, being away from your other kids
• 8:57
  because you're taking your daughter or your son at competition out of town. It is so much.
• 9:02
  We don't need to make this harder by turning the rink into a battlefield.
• 9:07
  So parents and coaches, your energy matters.
• 9:12
  Your words can shape how your skaters see themselves. Your reactions to good
• 9:18
  things and bad things, it teaches them how to respond to success,
• 9:22
  to failure, and yes, how to treat their competitors and their teammates.
• 9:27
  If you celebrate someone else's kid, it doesn't take away from your own.
• 9:33
  Your child's success isn't threatened by someone else's progress.
• 9:37
  And let me say that again because it's big.
• 9:40
  Cheering for another skater doesn't steal from your own.
• 9:44
  You know what it does? It models emotional maturity.
• 9:48
  It builds community and it tells your child, you know what?
• 9:51
  There's room for everyone to grow here. In my rink growing up,
• 9:56
  there were some very, very nice parents.
• 9:59
  And if I won something, or if I passed a test, or I landed a jump,
• 10:03
  they would cheer from the bleachers. And that made the whole difference.
• 10:07
  When kids are surrounded by supportive adults who lead with confidence instead
• 10:12
  of comparison, support instead of suspicions, they will thrive.
• 10:17
  They will compete with fire, not fear. And most importantly,
• 10:22
  they will treat each other with kindness and respect and be able to cheer each other on.
• 10:27
  So what if we, as a skating community, decide to change a story and change a script?
• 10:33
  What if we normalize saying things like, hey, you know what?
• 10:37
  That girl's double axel is amazing. Let's learn from it.
• 10:41
  That's emotional intelligence. That's confidence. and that's leadership coming
• 10:46
  from your parts, parents.
• 10:48
  So to every skater listening, learn to protect your peace, guard your focus
• 10:54
  and know that your worth is not up to debate.
• 10:58
  And to every parent listening, you are your child's emotional blueprint.
• 11:03
  You're a role model, and you are powerful enough to be part of the solution.
• 11:08
  It would be so amazing to have rings filled with excellence and encouragement.
• 11:13
  Let's raise kids that are amazing athletes and fierce competitors, but even better humans.
• 11:19
  How about that? Like I told somebody the other day, drama dies when no one feeds it.
• 11:25
  That's a good one. So that toxic energy
• 11:28
  will disappear. If nobody gives it attention, nobody gives it oxygen.
• 11:34
  But kindness, it's not weakness, it's strength.
• 11:39
  Thank you so much for being part of this amazing movement with me.
• 11:43
  If you're not in your head right now, and if your heart feels full and fired
• 11:47
  up, please send this to someone at your rink, maybe, who needs it.
• 11:52
  A parent, a skater, a teammate, a coach. tag me on instagram share this episode
• 11:58
  like and subscribe all that fun stuff and let me know how you're creating a
• 12:02
  drama free zone in your skating journey i'm proud of you i'm with you and i'll see you next week.
• 12:10
  Music.