Latest / Tribe and Tribulations With Julia Makowsky / Beyond the Recipes: Danielle Renov on Faith, Identity and Connection.

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Beyond the Recipes: Danielle Renov on Faith, Identity and Connection. · Tribe and Tribulations With Julia Makowsky

0:00
Today, we associate discomfort with bad.
0:03
It's not bad.
0:03
It just is uncomfortable and then it's over.
0:05
What you're saying is so apparent in today's world because we don't like being uncomfortable, but where growth happens is when you are most uncomfortable.
0:15
But I do think the most meaningful growth sometimes comes from moments of comfort.
0:19
Everything is okay.
0:20
And we take that moment to tap in and to connect to Hashem and to say, I want to grow now.
0:25
Like how crazy is that?
0:28
Everything is good for you.
0:29
And you're saying, I want to take something on.
0:31
It is so easy to forget to turn to Hashem.
0:33
And to ask Hashem, please Hashem, let this continue.
0:36
Please Hashem, let this good moment be impactful in a positive way.
0:40
Those are the times that almost feel so much harder to connect to Hashem because you have to actively remember to bring Hashem in.
0:48
Welcome back to Tribe and Tribulations.
0:50
I am Julia Makowski and I am so excited for our guest today.
0:54
If you know Daniele Renov, you probably know her as the woman behind Peace, Love and Carrots.
0:59
You know the food, the recipes, the strong opinions, the beautiful chaos of raising a family in Israel and somehow making it look like we all can do the same thing.
1:10
But I've always found interesting about Danielle is everything underneath.
1:15
She grew up modern Orthodox, made a conscious decision to build a religious life that looks different than the one she grew up in.
1:21
She built a life while staying incredibly close to family.
1:29
Not judgmental, knowing who she is while still connecting with others.
1:35
She moved to Israel, built a family, built a business, and somewhere along the way had to figure out what it means to have a relationship with Hashem that actually belongs to her.
1:44
Then that relationship was asked to hold something no mother should have to hold.
1:47
Okay.
1:48
So today isn't really an episode about food, although we're going to talk about food because I have questions and Danielle, I'm assuming, has opinions.
1:57
But it's about a choice.
1:59
It's about faith.
2:00
It's about family.
2:01
It's about what happens when life you deliberately choose doesn't necessarily protect you from pain.
2:08
and how you continue to choose life, joy, and Hashem anyways.
2:12
Danielle, welcome to Tribe and Tribulations.
2:14
I'm going to need you to print that out for me so I can leave it next to my bed and read it every morning.
2:18
No, hello.
2:19
It's so true.
2:20
You know, when I come up with what I want to talk about, you're right.
2:25
I couldn't probably go like on the surface level and we can talk recipes.
2:29
I was very, very kind and generous of you.
2:31
But it's so true.
2:32
It's already worth coming here.
2:34
Good, I'm so glad.
2:35
I'm like, I will print it out for you.
2:36
I'll have it framed.
2:38
And it will show up at your apartment later today.
2:39
Okay.
2:41
Can we start off a little bit about your actual family background?
2:46
I know people know you from Instagram and you're cooking and we see your family in and out.
2:52
But I want to hear a little bit about like little Danielle.
2:54
Danielle.
2:55
Oh, okay.
2:58
I am the oldest.
3:00
I'm an only girl.
3:01
I feel like that's like a very intense combination.
3:05
Yes, I have one of those.
3:08
And I think it probably shaped a lot of who I am.
3:11
I grew up with...
3:15
Moroccan mother Ashkenaz father which for sure at those times in the five towns.
3:22
I'm 40 so 40 years ago was pretty unique there was not very many Svardham.
3:28
Certainly not in my own classroom.
3:31
I went to Hafter I grew up extremely modern Orthodox.
3:36
But I think because my mother is Moroccan, we did grow up extremely spiritual.
3:43
So we had a lot of customs and rituals and things like that.
3:50
that were very, very important.
3:51
Obviously, they're not halacha, they're not laws, but they were like laws, you know?
3:56
Yes.
3:57
Certain things that we did.
3:59
And my father, actually, it's so interesting because my grandfather is very, very unique.
4:04
My grandfather was an incredibly special person.
4:08
Yes.
4:10
And he survived the Holocaust.
4:12
Before the Holocaust, he grew up in a very, very, very ultra-Orthodox home.
4:17
And after the war, he did something that I have maybe only met one or two other survivors like this.
4:23
He made a conscious decision to not marry another survivor.
4:27
He did not want to marry a survivor.
4:28
He was 16 when the war broke out, very able-bodied, strong, whatever.
4:33
Him and his brother were in and out of different ways.
4:36
places together.
4:37
He had an older sister also that survived, but actually this is also a topic not really very much spoken about.
4:42
She survived only physically, not mentally.
4:47
And I actually never met her.
4:51
And my uncle and my grandfather were very, very close after the war, but
4:57
Even though they grew... My grandfather, he didn't want to bring the Holocaust with him into his home.
5:02
So my uncle married a woman who had family in America, came to America.
5:05
My grandfather did not want to get married in Europe.
5:08
Ended up going straight to... Got a visa, was denied access to Israel, actually.
5:12
Wow.
5:14
And went to Canada to build the railroads.
5:18
I don't know, whatever.
5:19
I don't know geography.
5:20
I know like New York, California.
5:21
Yeah, that's very in town of you.
5:23
Yes.
5:24
I am who I am, you know.
5:26
It's true.
5:27
And he said actually the only time he ever cried since he was taken from his family was when he was building the railroad in Canada.
5:35
He was on like a team of unit with all guy.
5:38
And every week they would get a few cents as payment.
5:41
And the guy would take the money and go to the bars and drink and whatever.
5:44
And he would save up his money because he was trying to get to Toronto so that he could eventually get to America.
5:50
And the only time he ever cried was when he was there, when he was only surrounded by guy.
5:54
He said it was...
5:56
It was the only time he ever felt alone.
5:57
Like even throughout the Holocaust, when he was starving, when he didn't have anything, when he was with Jews, he didn't feel alone.
6:03
I think that's also a really important point because one of the things that I actually think is so special about Judaism as a whole is that no matter where you go in the world, you can always have a community.
6:15
If you choose to have that, you can find it.
6:19
And I think that that is such a beautiful thing.
6:22
And what a perfect example where even in like the darkest of times, your grandfather didn't feel alone.
6:31
And I think even that story like that we knew growing up, even though I wouldn't necessarily describe my grandfather or father as outwardly spiritual, does reflect an inner connection to spirituality, to Am Yisrael, to Hashem that was transmitted to us, not necessarily through the story itself, but through the deeper meanings of the story.
6:50
Eventually he ended up going to Toronto.
6:52
And it's actually such a funny story because his cousin, who also lives in Queens, was
6:59
going to visit him in Toronto and he sees a pretty girl on the train and he says like oh I have a cousin for you and she like kind of like laughs him off because she's like was born in America and born in the Bronx grew up in the Bronx and she's like polite and she was going to take care of her sick aunt okay literally come on it doesn't sound like a real story no it also kind of reminds me of like Rivka
7:20
Like, yeah, like that's really what it reminds me of.
7:24
Wait.
7:24
And she blows him off.
7:26
OK. And then they get off the train.
7:29
Her sick aunt lived a few houses away from the house my grandfather was staying at.
7:34
I'm just saying.
7:35
I'm just saying.
7:36
I love that.
7:37
I know, Hashem is so cool.
7:38
Anyway, they got married, they moved to America, raised my father, extremely conservative.
7:45
But I guess in like the old definition of conservative, went to shul every Shabbos, lit candles every Shabbos, had a Friday night dinner, but also extremely American, because my grandmother's American.
7:57
Dinner was at the same time every single night.
7:59
My father grew out in play.
8:00
When he came home, it was always his job to like have my grandfather's shoes, slippers ready by the door.
8:07
Very, very structured.
8:10
You know, like it's such a funny mix to grow up in a home that's American, but also the home of a survivor.
8:16
Right.
8:16
You know, and because my grandfather also grew up in an ultra orthodox home, you can't separate Yiddishkeit from the person, especially when it happens in your formative years.
8:26
You know, so my father was also always very connected and they ended up deciding they did not want to send me to public school.
8:33
They wanted to send me to a Jewish day school.
8:37
And at the time, Hafter was a very, very academic school, doing very well, growing.
8:43
And they sent me to Hafter.
8:44
And very slowly, I would say we sort of like, I mean, I don't remember ever not being modern Orthodox, but they very quickly took on more mitzvot and became Shomer Shabbos and kosher.
8:58
I mean, my home was always kosher because my mother.
9:01
And father both grew up like that.
9:02
But, you know, higher standards of kosher and whatever.
9:05
I grew up the same way.
9:06
Yeah.
9:06
Where it was, like, really, like, my parents are about shuva.
9:08
And they took things on once my sister was born.
9:11
So, okay, we would only keep Friday night.
9:14
Or then they went and moved up.
9:16
I don't remember not keeping.
9:17
So neither do I.
9:18
Right.
9:18
But my.
9:19
My parents remember not keeping Shabbos and my sister doesn't either because they really started taking things on once we were both like once we were born because like they're like it doesn't really like bode well if they're learning something in school and like we're not following it also.
9:35
Right.
9:35
Yeah.
9:36
My parents very much ascribed to that also like whatever the rules were of the school they also had to.
9:42
Maintain.
9:42
Yes, I agree with that, by the way.
9:44
I'm like very much into I'm a rule follower to begin with.
9:48
Everyone thinks I push boundaries.
9:49
I push a little boundaries just because like I don't like being stagnant.
9:53
But I'm not exactly a I'm not a rule breaker by any means.
9:57
So when somebody tells me like this is what you should be doing, I'm like, OK, sounds good to me.
10:03
Right.
10:04
I don't know.
10:05
I'm too impulsive.
10:06
I don't know.
10:06
I could either be a rule follower or not.
10:09
I don't know.
10:10
I'm like, I'm not type A.
10:12
So I'm not like, you're not one way or the other.
10:14
Yeah.
10:14
Like I could, there are rules that I won't break.
10:18
But like, there are rules that I will break.
10:21
Yeah.
10:22
Maybe a social norm or two.
10:23
No, not that, but like, whatever.
10:26
I'll like park wherever I want.
10:27
I'll live wherever I want.
10:28
That's because we live here.
10:29
Who needs to get into that?
10:30
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:30
I'm like, what are you talking about?
10:31
You mean that is a social norm, by the way, in Israel, to park wherever you want.
10:36
Yes.
10:38
What shifted for you?
10:40
Because you grew up like this your whole life, right?
10:42
Your siblings and family, most of them still live either, I happen to know you're like.
10:47
Right, modern orthodox.
10:49
They're modern orthodox.
10:51
You're not, I don't think you would consider yourself modern Orthodox at this point at all, right?
10:57
Probably not.
10:57
No.
10:59
What was the shift?
11:00
I think my whole life I actually had a very strong spiritual inclination.
11:04
I definitely felt very connected to Hashem.
11:07
My mother couldn't read Hebrew when I was little.
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So I vividly remember, like I always had to sit next to her in shul through Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and like help her turn the pages.
11:17
Right.
11:18
And I don't even know if I didn't like it as a kid.
11:20
It just wasn't an option, which is something I know that so far and for kids today, I'm raising kids.
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So I like it's not a tight on other people's kids.
11:27
It's I see just the generations are different.
11:29
Like you just did things you had to do.
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And like it didn't eat you up inside because just you did it and then it was over, you know.
11:37
Not everything was a trauma.
11:38
Yeah.
11:38
Like I had to go sit in shul the whole time, even though my friends were playing outside of shul.
11:42
Like I had to be with my mother.
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And it just is what it is.
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And I learned to daven.
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And I loved davening.
11:48
I loved being in shul.
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And like I vividly remember when Arts Girl came out with the Transliterated Sitter, how it changed my mother's life.
11:57
And that had a tremendous impact on me because I was so happy for her that she was able to connect to Hashem and like turn her own pages.
12:05
And I saw how happy she was.
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And that for sure impacted my own relationship with Hashem.
12:09
Like, oh, if I'm a little girl and I see my mother is so excited to be davening, there must be something there, you know.
12:16
Even though I'm sure I didn't process it that way as a child, it for sure left a residue, you know.
12:23
of good spiritual stuff.
12:25
Yeah, exactly.
12:28
And then I went to seminary and I went to Michalad Esther.
12:31
You and my sister.
12:32
And yeah, and I actually loved it.
12:35
I had an amazing experience.
12:36
My first year, I would say I did not overly
12:40
Like it was a very slow process for me where it was first more spiritual, like definitely like thinking about Hashem more, bringing him into my everyday life.
12:51
Like what is my relationship with Hashem?
12:54
What do I want from my relationship with Hashem?
12:57
And then very slowly taking on more and more.
13:01
Halakhos and not saying, oh, I want to be from, I want to flip out, I want to.
13:07
It was never like that.
13:08
It was a really like water on a rock, slow transition, just like waking up.
13:13
One of the first things I did was started davening because I always liked davening.
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So it was like natural for me.
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And I think...
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Once you start connecting to Hashem or once you start wanting to connect to Hashem, Hashem puts out a hand for you.
13:27
All you have to do is have the desire and Hashem actually will bring you in because he wants your closeness.
13:33
If you want space...
13:35
You can create space.
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But the second you want to reduce the distance between you and Hashem, Hashem will help you reduce it.
13:42
I always say, like, my relationship with Hashem is like a father, right?
13:46
There are some years where you're closer to a parent and some years you're not, at least for me.
13:53
So it's your choice because let me tell you something.
13:55
As a parent now, I will always be there for my kids.
13:59
But I'm also going to give them what they need.
14:03
And if that's space, if that's closeness, I totally align with what you're saying completely.
14:10
Yeah, I think there's like, and I think that's actually one of the most remarkable things about Hashem is that there are so many ways to relate to Hashem for different seasons and different moments in your life, even within a day.
14:21
There are different moments where you can relate to Hashem as your father, as your spouse, as your child, as your king, right?
14:28
There are so, as all merciful or as, you know, the source of din, or there are so many ways throughout the day to relate to Hashem that it's, um...
14:39
of course, serves as an example for us how to live.
14:43
And I love that.
14:44
I love that you can tap into all these different facets.
14:47
Yeah.
14:48
And can I ask you like, yeah, because you are different than your family, has that created a closer connection?
14:57
Or has it made it harder to relate to each other?
15:00
I don't know.
15:01
I don't know.
15:03
I don't really necessarily know how, like with my parents for sure not.
15:07
I think my parents are like from day one have a lot of respect for how I live my life, value how I live my life, are very proud of how I live my life.
15:16
I think every parent wants their relationship with their child to be easy.
15:19
So like it's always easier if your child lives their life the same way you do.
15:24
Right.
15:24
Because then you can go to the same restaurants.
15:25
You could do the same things.
15:26
You're on the same schedule.
15:27
You're all this.
15:28
So obviously there's like technical things that just complicate things.
15:31
But my parents never made me feel bad for it or judged for it or like it was a burden in any way.
15:36
It just created a technical shifting that made it happen.
15:41
It's interesting because your scenario is very common within our world.
15:46
It is.
15:46
I mean, we...
15:47
But Bar HaShem.
15:48
Exactly.
15:49
Because every generation is growing.
15:50
Exactly.
15:51
And I think that we send our kids off to Israel.
15:54
It's pretty standard in the modern Orthodox world.
15:57
And a lot of them come back more to the right than they were when they left.
16:02
And that's a beautiful thing.
16:03
And it takes adjustment for both the parents and for the child to go...
16:09
okay, how do I manage and create a relationship that's meaningful, respectful, and honest to who we are?
16:20
I think a lot of times, sometimes that adjustment, that's such a good word, technical adjustment can cause discomfort.
16:26
And today we associate discomfort with bad.
16:30
Or not good.
16:31
But discomfort could just be discomfort.
16:33
Like, it's just not comfortable.
16:35
It's not bad.
16:36
Like, yeah, there was a technical adjustment.
16:38
Sometimes they want to go to a restaurant that I can't go to and, like, it's annoying, so we have to readjust.
16:42
It's annoying or it's uncomfortable, but it's not bad.
16:45
It doesn't have this, like, lasting negative effect.
16:50
It just is what it is.
16:51
It just is uncomfortable and then it's over.
16:53
I think what you're saying is so apparent in today's world because...
16:59
We don't like being uncomfortable, but where growth happens is when you are most uncomfortable.
17:05
So sitting in that and going – having those conversations and being like, okay, like.
17:11
I know we don't like this situation, but guess what?
17:15
Long term, we're going to grow and it won't be uncomfortable forever because it just becomes standard.
17:21
Right.
17:22
I think also, yes, growth does come from discomfort very often, but I do think the most meaningful growth sometimes comes from moments of comfort.
17:33
Because when we're comfort and we're just like...
17:35
sliding through right and everything is okay and we take that moment to tap in and to connect to hashem and to say i want to grow now like how crazy is that like everything is good for you and you're saying i want to take something on i want maybe not halacha maybe whatever it is you know this is crazy but i almost think it's easier to connect to hashem
17:57
Mm-hmm.
18:19
And you cannot do anything.
18:20
Sometimes you can.
18:21
Sometimes you can make a phone call.
18:22
Sometimes you could scratch their back.
18:23
Sometimes you can give them a hug.
18:25
But sometimes, and especially as they get older, you cannot do anything.
18:29
Your hands are tied.
18:30
You are, you're stuck.
18:32
The only thing you can do is turn to Hashem.
18:35
and Davin and say, Hashem, please help my child.
18:37
Help me.
18:38
Help me help my child.
18:39
Help me find a path to help my child.
18:41
Help me say the right words to my child to help them.
18:44
Whatever it is, you can only turn to Hashem.
18:46
And those are really almost easier moments to connect to Hashem because you have nobody else to turn to.
18:52
But when your child is thriving and so happy and in a good place, it is so easy to forget to turn to Hashem and to ask Hashem, please Hashem, let this continue.
19:02
Please Hashem, let this continue.
19:05
Let this good moment for my child be impactful in a positive way.
19:09
Let them not forget it.
19:10
Like, those are the times that almost feel so much harder to connect to Hashem because you have to actively remember to bring Hashem in.
19:17
So I...
19:19
I agree with what you're saying to an extent.
19:22
For me, I don't think you could appreciate the good without the bad.
19:27
Because if what becomes the equilibrium and the median of your life, that's your standard, right?
19:35
So if my standard is up here all the time, I would think that that's bad, right?
19:41
It takes time.
19:42
You have to be able to appreciate the higher moments with the lower ones.
19:47
So I think finding gratitude in the high moments as well as the hard moments is exactly where Hashem comes in.
20:00
At least for me.
20:01
Right.
20:02
I hear it.
20:03
Like, because I've been through terrible things, I'll be honest.
20:07
And that's for me.
20:10
I'm like, please help me.
20:11
I'm giving it to you.
20:13
But at the same time, sometimes I get angry.
20:16
Going through at myself, at life, at God, at everything.
20:22
And I think that that's OK.
20:25
I'm allowed to feel a certain way.
20:27
That doesn't mean that I am running the other direction.
20:32
But you're allowed to feel.
20:34
We're human, right?
20:35
We're not malachim.
20:36
We're not Hashem.
20:37
Thank God.
20:38
That would be too much pressure for me.
20:40
But you're allowed to question things, and you're allowed to have those moments.
20:46
Now, I know that that pushes boundaries, and a lot of people don't feel that way.
20:52
But I think about it all the time.
20:53
We have so many Mepharshim, right?
20:54
And we have so many Rebaim, who literally, the reason why we have Gemara and all of these things is because they question, what does this mean?
21:03
We're taught to question so that we can become closer.
21:08
and to learn more.
21:09
I don't think that it's so simple.
21:12
It's not cut and dry.
21:12
We're not a black and white society.
21:16
We're just not.
21:16
We have halakha, and I know you can either choose to follow it or not.
21:22
But there is gray within Yiddishkeit.
21:26
There is.
21:26
I see it all the time when I'm like going through this post-ex says this and this post-ex says that.
21:32
And you're like, I don't know what the answer is.
21:35
So it's about finding your
21:38
You're right, is what I like to say.
21:41
I know Danielle is staring at me.
21:43
If you are listening to this on audio and not, Danielle's like, I do not agree with this.
21:48
No, no, that's not true.
21:49
That's not true.
21:50
It's not that I don't agree with it.
21:52
I think that there's just so much nuance in what you're saying.
21:55
that it just can't be summarized as there's so much gray.
21:59
Because yes, there is room for identity within how you keep halacha, but there is halacha.
22:06
Like I do believe for myself that there is a bottom line, right, there is a B'dzi Eved, there is a baseline of halacha, and then there is between B'dzi Eved, right, there's really, really ma'am,
22:18
And right, there's humras and things that you can take on.
22:21
But there is there is a baseline.
22:23
One hundred percent.
22:24
And if somebody chooses to follow the baseline or to not follow the baseline, that is their choice.
22:31
But I don't always love the terminology of, well, you're just living in the gray because you're actually not in the gray anymore.
22:38
You chose white, right, or black, whatever, whichever way you're going.
22:42
You made a choice, which is fine.
22:43
Like the Torah actually is, you know, I once heard somebody ask Rabbi Bredowitz, like, how can you say that we have free will if we have to keep all these halakhos?
22:52
And Rabbi Bredowitz was like, what do you mean?
22:54
The halakhos is the essence of free will.
22:56
Because if you're a guy and right, you don't have any halakhos.
22:59
You are just 100% guided by your guf, by your- Driven by it.
23:04
Yeah, by your instincts, by your taivas.
23:07
You can have whatever you want whenever you want it.
23:09
But a person that can control what they want when they want it, they have to make an active choice.
23:14
They are constantly choosing.
23:19
You are the one that has free will because now you get to choose whether to exercise it or not.
23:24
It's interesting because I'll post online and I will get – it's always the men, by the way, that are yelling in the DMs and on thing like, you're not keeping this right.
23:34
And by the way, I know when I'm not doing the right thing.
23:38
I know.
23:39
I'm not stupid.
23:40
And I'm also not –
23:42
Like oblivious to the fact that like you're right.
23:45
I do not dress sneeously according to halacha.
23:49
You're right.
23:49
I don't.
23:50
But what I also know is that there are 613 mitzvot.
23:55
And I hope that and pray that everybody keeps all of them.
24:00
I don't know anybody that keeps every single thing perfectly.
24:04
We're all trying.
24:05
Like, I'm trying my best.
24:06
And I think that's that.
24:07
I don't think anybody should judge anybody.
24:08
No, I know that.
24:10
How they keep it.
24:11
I'm just saying, I just think it's also okay to say that we all need to follow halakhos.
24:17
And by the way, I don't think when you said just now that you're stupid, I don't think somebody that doesn't keep halakha.
24:23
If they don't know about it, they're stupid either.
24:25
They're not.
24:25
Because some people, first of all, just don't know.
24:27
Yes.
24:28
Which is valid.
24:28
Actually, halacha is really, really complicated.
24:30
I learned with one of my sons once a week.
24:32
Well, now he's not home all the time for Shabbos.
24:34
So when he's home, hilcho Shabbos.
24:36
We're literally still on the first halacha, okay?
24:40
It's been two years.
24:41
I actually, low-key, I'm sometimes like, I really hope we don't go further because this is so complicated.
24:46
Right.
24:47
There's there's.
24:48
And I didn't know things.
24:49
Yeah.
24:49
Right.
24:50
It's not like a journey.
24:51
That's why we call them a Talmud Chacham, right?
24:53
Like a student of wisdom, because even a Talmud Chacham is still a student, is constantly learning and growing and and knowing new things.
25:01
So first of all, like if you know a halacha and you're actively choosing not to keep it, that is between you and Hashem.
25:07
I am not judging you, but it doesn't mean the halacha doesn't exist.
25:10
So that's where I think people get confused.
25:13
So my living in the gray is.
25:16
I know what exists.
25:18
I know, at least for Tznias, right?
25:20
I know what exists.
25:22
So my modesty comes more from, I would say, behaviors than it does necessarily from dress.
25:30
Which is also a definition of Tznias.
25:32
Which is very much so.
25:34
And I think that that's really important to talk about because a lot of people think like Tznias is only the way you dress.
25:40
But I find that we have to remember our behaviors matter tremendously.
25:45
Yes.
25:46
But it doesn't mean that we should disregard the other half of tznias, which is, let's say, how to dress or things like that.
25:52
But I don't even like the topic of tznias as an example.
25:55
And I'll tell you why.
25:56
Because so often it does mostly, obviously, behaviors and things like that pertain to men.
26:01
And men do need to be tzaniwa.
26:04
But specifically because of the clothing aspect and women and erva and dressing and halacha and things like that.
26:10
It feels so geared towards women that it's not the best example because a better example is something that applies to all Jews everywhere.
26:17
Do you know what I mean?
26:18
So let's say like keeping kosher, right?
26:20
Kosher has so many different levels.
26:23
And actually, two people can be keeping kosher halakhically, and one person cannot eat in the other person's house because for them, it's not kosher.
26:31
Right.
26:31
That other person is not doing anything wrong.
26:35
Right?
26:35
We see that all the time.
26:36
Yes.
26:37
We see it all the time.
26:38
And you should know in Israel, it happens to be, it's not insulting.
26:41
Nobody here will get insulted if you cannot eat in their house.
26:45
Or if you cannot eat something they made.
26:46
They will just be like, oh, what's the house of your meat?
26:49
Oh, it's bait.
26:49
Yosef, okay, I don't eat that.
26:50
Sorry.
26:51
And they're like, okay.
26:51
Right.
26:52
Okay.
26:52
Done.
26:53
End of story.
26:54
It's not insulting because you are keeping halakha and I'm keeping halakha.
26:57
We just have a different interpretation of that halakha because we've individualized it and which is great.
27:03
And it's not insulting.
27:04
There's no judgment there.
27:05
Do you know what I mean?
27:06
But that's a great example of the gray.
27:08
Yes.
27:08
There's so many levels.
27:09
Exactly.
27:09
And I will say this, like, I think communication actually helps tremendously when it comes to a lot of these things.
27:16
Right.
27:16
So.
27:17
Yeah.
27:17
I use the CNS example.
27:19
I communicate with people like, I'm not doing the right thing necessarily, but I do know what the right thing is.
27:25
So that's fair.
27:27
When it comes to kashros, because there is all this gray, we need to be more open.
27:32
Like, hey, by the way, this is what we do.
27:35
Our Rebbeim from our shul growing up wouldn't eat in anybody's home if it wasn't takeout from certain stores.
27:41
They ate on paper plates.
27:43
Because it gave everybody everything.
27:45
They kept they up.
27:46
They knew we were keeping kosher.
27:48
They.
27:48
Yeah.
27:48
But they didn't have to tell anybody.
27:50
And I think that that is very nice.
27:52
Right.
27:53
That was an important distinction because everybody felt we're on the same page.
27:58
Yeah.
27:58
We got it.
27:59
There was communication involved.
28:00
And I think that that's really important.
28:02
And I think that that's everyone feels judged.
28:04
And because people feel judged, that's when the the pain comes in.
28:10
Yeah.
28:10
And it gets like you don't want to eat by me or you don't think I'm religious enough.
28:14
But it's not that.
28:15
But it's not like that because it's not even that I don't think you're religious enough.
28:18
I don't care.
28:18
You're on your own religious journey.
28:20
You get to choose what you want to do.
28:23
But you have to understand that if you make choices, then I have to also potentially make choices based off that.
28:29
And my choices are not that I'm judging you.
28:31
It's just that that's how it is.
28:33
Like it's just, it ends there for me.
28:37
Like I can't eat in your house and that's it.
28:39
I'm not thinking anymore.
28:40
It's not, I'm not saying, oh, so therefore I can't eat at your house, so you're on a lower level or you're not a good person.
28:46
It's never ever going there.
28:47
Just, I can't eat in your house.
28:48
Oh, what's up?
28:49
I love your shirt, where'd you get it from?
28:50
We're literally just, my brain is moving on.
28:53
So it's interesting that you say that because it's really – that's a skill.
28:58
People don't realize that having actual boundaries, sticking to your boundaries and being able to communicate them is such a distinct skill because most people are so afraid to hurt somebody.
29:13
But if you're coming from a place of – But if you're not hurting them, I'm not hurting you.
29:17
I'm not here to judge you.
29:18
I'm not – Right.
29:19
Why would that hurt you?
29:20
It –
29:20
It shouldn't.
29:21
But we live in a society where people are very sensitive and everybody has to be sensitive to everybody else's feelings all the time.
29:29
And while I have empathy and understanding for people, I also know what's important for me and my value system.
29:37
I think we're just so focused on other people sometimes in like not a positive way.
29:42
Obviously, it's very important to be focused on other people.
29:45
But it's like the focus – like everything in this world is warped right now.
29:49
We're so close to Mashiach that everything has like a filter on it and everything is like a little bit fuzzy for us.
29:55
So it just distorts all of these like regular concepts.
29:58
Yeah.
29:59
I'll give you like an example of something that really for me is hard.
30:03
We don't have Mother's Day here in Israel.
30:04
And like I actually never remember when it comes up.
30:06
But then all of a sudden on Mother's Day I wake up and there's like, well, not even when I wake up.
30:10
Like towards the afternoon there's like post after post on Instagram.
30:13
And like nobody can say happy Mother's Day anymore.
30:17
No.
30:17
They say.
30:19
Happy Mother's Day to the people that want to be mothers, to the people that have lost children, to the people that had a miscarriage, to the people that have lost their mother, this and that.
30:27
And it is very nice to recognize that there are women who want to be mothers who aren't mothers and who've lost their mothers and who've lost their position as a mother in this world.
30:40
And obviously that's something that's extremely triggering for me as well.
30:43
But...
30:45
I don't like it.
30:46
Just say happy Mother's Day and move on.
30:48
It's not insulting me when you say happy Mother's Day to me because I am not a mother in this world to all of my children.
30:59
Like, I don't, it's too overly sensitive.
31:03
You're babying me.
31:05
I don't need it.
31:06
I'm sure there are people out there that appreciate it, so I don't wanna take it away.
31:11
It's just it's been it's like overdone.
31:14
It's too much.
31:15
Like you need to be able to say Happy Mother's Day.
31:18
It's OK without me feeling insulted by it.
31:20
Like, why is that mean?
31:22
Why is that mean?
31:23
Well, before we started, we talked about like extremism, like and like the pendulum tends to swing one side or the other.
31:32
And I think that's just an example of this where like we have to be hypersensitive to everybody's everything all the time.
31:38
And we're humans.
31:40
And we're going to say things that are going to offend people even by accident.
31:46
Maybe it shouldn't offend people.
31:47
Maybe we all need to just like actually take a breather and like just say like this person didn't mean to offend me.
31:57
I gave an example about how on Rosh Hashanah, they had a lot of kids within shofar blowing.
32:05
And it was so loud in shul.
32:08
And I had a really hard time focusing in.
32:11
And for the first 30 blasts, I literally could not focus on the shofar.
32:18
And I was like, wait a minute.
32:19
Why do these kids have anything to do with me and my comfort and my davening and my this?
32:26
If I just focused in on myself and realized the kids aren't doing anything to me, the parents aren't doing anything to me, and I just recognized everyone's good, everyone wants to come and hear the chauffeur, everyone is here for a reason, right?
32:39
Oh, all of a sudden that tense feeling that I felt, it slipped away.
32:44
And I think that's the same thing here where you're going –
32:47
Nobody is trying to be bad.
32:49
No one is trying to hurt my feelings.
32:52
Everyone is just trying their best.
32:54
Yeah, I think that that's it.
32:58
You chose a connection with Hashem.
33:01
Was there ever a time where your connection was tested?
33:06
No.
33:08
Really?
33:08
I find that so.
33:10
I mean, I mean, I think Hashem, I think I always felt connected to Hashem.
33:17
Yeah.
33:18
No.
33:20
There was no other option for me personally in my life.
33:23
I genuinely love Hashem.
33:25
I feel like if you want to ask me if my relationship with Hashem was.
33:34
No, I always felt connected to Hashem.
33:36
I would say sometimes the connection is stronger or less.
33:45
What's the word?
33:47
Sometimes my connection is stronger and more present.
33:52
Like every second, I close my eyelids and there's a shot.
33:55
You know what I mean?
33:55
Like every blink is like, so sometimes it's like that and sometimes it's not.
33:59
But even when I'm not so tuned in, there is always a connection.
34:07
And actually, I think that is something that exists for every single Jew.
34:10
I think you just have to turn it on.
34:13
Hashem wants to be connected to us.
34:15
And I genuinely believe that.
34:16
But I don't think challenges in life or trials and tribulations.
34:22
There you go.
34:24
I don't think that they sever the connection.
34:28
Maybe they impact the connection.
34:30
but it is not possible to sever your connection from Hashem like you we literally have we are created but Salam Elohim like we literally have a tiny little piece of Hashem within us it is not possible to sever that connection maybe your connection is asleep maybe it's really really sorry maybe it's really way way deep down but it's there you you just have to find it and sometimes I will say
34:56
I do think that the best way to find it is to fake it.
34:59
And I know that's crazy.
35:01
But I will tell you, I have had my own experience with taking on halachos that do not feel authentic to me.
35:09
But I have chosen to live my life according to a value system.
35:12
And by the way, I'm not good with boundaries at all.
35:14
I can't say no to people.
35:16
I can't say no to my kids.
35:17
I am literally zero strict.
35:19
And when I try to be strict, it doesn't work.
35:20
Yeah.
35:21
And whatever.
35:23
I'm not good with boundaries.
35:24
But I am very good with values.
35:26
Because my values are very, very important to me.
35:29
Hashem is very, very important to me.
35:31
Torah is very important to me.
35:33
So once I decided that my value was to live a Torah life, I am on this constant path of trying to live up to my values because I want to be a person of integrity.
35:44
Right?
35:45
Like I want my beliefs and my actions to be aligned.
35:48
Yeah.
35:50
So I'm always trying to improve my halacha, to learn more about it, to figure out.
35:55
And sometimes it does not feel natural.
35:57
And that is the truth.
35:59
That is, there is no way around it.
36:01
But I do it anyway.
36:02
I do it anyway because my value is to keep halacha no matter what.
36:06
So I do it anyway.
36:07
And I feel like a fake because I don't want to be doing this.
36:11
but I'm doing it anyway, and it has no meaning to me.
36:13
And then all of a sudden, boom, a year later, it's like meaningful to me.
36:16
I'm like, what?
36:17
How'd this happen?
36:18
Thank you, Hashem.
36:19
Thank you.
36:20
Hashem gave me a gift where that fakeness became real because it was based on a real value.
36:27
It was not based on nothing.
36:28
It was not based on falsehood.
36:29
It was based on MS. And if your values are MS-dick and you live your life in truth, Hashem will help you.
36:37
It's when your value is based on falsehoods.
36:39
And a lot of the world's values today are based on falsehoods.
36:43
I actually agree with that.
36:45
I do.
36:45
I truly do.
36:46
I might not.
36:48
I had a teacher in seventh in 10th grade who basically said, fake it till you make it.
36:52
And everyone was like, what are you saying?
36:55
But that's exactly it.
36:56
She was really just like, OK, you might not see the importance in this right now, but like
37:02
Do it anyway.
37:03
No, or, or.
37:05
Yes, exactly.
37:06
Do it anyway.
37:07
Or at the end of the morning.
37:08
And then you will, maybe it comes after.
37:10
I don't necessarily live my life that way because I am a human being and I, I have flaws and I know I have flaws.
37:19
At least you're being truthful.
37:20
Yeah, I'm not.
37:21
I, one of the things you will, I am authentically myself.
37:25
Through and through.
37:26
So, but I'm also honest with myself and recognizing I'm not a perfect person.
37:32
And I just don't think you should become complacent in that thought.
37:36
Well, but that's dangerous.
37:37
Because that thought is a trick.
37:39
A hundred percent.
37:41
But I'm not at the same time.
37:44
I'm a growth oriented person, right?
37:46
So I can own who I am while still recognizing the need for change and growth.
37:53
Isn't isn't that aren't we all that that that's the I think I hope.
37:57
Goal, right?
37:58
Yeah.
37:59
But it's not so simple for people because sometimes we do get stuck and sometimes we get bogged down with with I don't think it's their fault.
38:06
No, the things that don't matter.
38:08
No, the world told them they can't be that.
38:10
Like the world was just like, I have to justify every bad thing I do.
38:14
Okay.
38:15
Bad was actually a really wrong word.
38:17
I take that back.
38:18
Everything we do that doesn't align with our value, the world told us we can just justify it because.
38:25
Because it's hard.
38:25
You do you.
38:26
It's hard.
38:27
No, because you do you.
38:28
You do you.
38:28
This is who I am now.
38:29
So stop it.
38:30
Like you don't have to justify it.
38:32
Just this is who I am right now.
38:34
And please God one day.
38:35
I won't do this anymore or I will do this or whatever, whatever the situation is.
38:39
Right.
38:40
Right.
38:40
Like then you're being truthful.
38:42
But when you're justifying and obviously justification is a very powerful mind trick.
38:47
Right.
38:47
Because we all justify things.
38:49
I justify things all day long.
38:50
I justified being here today.
38:52
I'm like have all my kids at home.
38:53
You know what I mean?
38:54
And I'm like, peace, guys, I gotta go.
38:57
No, but I did.
38:58
I went through a process.
38:59
And we're all justifying all the actions we do all day long.
39:02
So it is a powerful tool that helps us get through the day.
39:06
But also, it can also be a tool of the earth and also be something that brings us down when we are trying to grow and it's instead holding us back.
39:15
So, you know, these things are really, and this goes back to what you were saying, like, we actually can't judge anybody.
39:21
I, okay, this is also what we were discussing before, but I chose to live my life according to a set of values because I think the Torah is amazing.
39:31
And I think the Torah is for everybody, and I think Hashem is for everybody.
39:34
So, obviously, the way I live my life, or I'm trying to live my life, I also am on my own path, you know, and trying to grow constantly constantly.
39:43
is beautiful.
39:45
I obviously think it's the best.
39:47
I think Tora's the best.
39:47
I chose it for myself because I think it's the best, which means that obviously I think it's the best for you, you and you and you and you and you and all of you.
39:54
But if you don't choose to live that way,
39:57
That's it.
39:58
It actually doesn't go further than that.
40:01
I think it's the best.
40:02
I think Torah is the best.
40:03
I made the decision to take this on, right?
40:07
And I love Hashem.
40:08
I love Torah.
40:09
I wish you loved Hashem and you love Torah.
40:12
I daven for you that Bezrat Hashem, one day you'll get there.
40:14
And Zehu.
40:15
I'm not looking at whether you're dressing seamlessly, whether you're keeping kosher, whether you're keeping Shabbos.
40:20
Sometimes I see it and then I move on.
40:24
Also, I will say this.
40:26
It does say in the Torah to judge somebody favorably, okay?
40:31
It's natural to judge.
40:33
And I want to make that very abundantly clear.
40:35
It's natural for us to judge others because we are human beings.
40:39
But on the same side of that, we have to look from the lens of good where, oh, okay, my initial reaction is maybe not good.
40:48
But now I have to retrain my brain to look at you and go, no.
40:52
You're actually, yeah, you actually should not be judged according to your initial reaction either.
40:57
And you should not judge yourself according to your initial reaction.
40:59
So I really think that as a community, as a whole, that's one of the things where we struggle because everyone either feels judged or is judged.
41:13
judging initially and then has to go back and retrain their brain.
41:17
And I think that if we all just gave each other a little bit of grace, a little bit of grace, not necessarily.
41:22
Yes.
41:23
Not necessarily when it comes to like, okay, we have to do this more like it's okay to figure things out as we go.
41:31
It's okay to grow.
41:32
It's okay to
41:33
I think there's moments of questioning.
41:36
There's moments of rediscovery.
41:38
There's all of these things.
41:40
And that's OK. That's between you and Hashem.
41:43
That is not between, you know, there's like in between each other.
41:48
And then there's between you and Hashem.
41:50
And I think that if we remember it, if we remember that Hashem is really the ultimate king, judge, jury and father, then.
42:00
All of the other stuff that's like and it all falls away.
42:10
I really do.
42:11
And I think one of the things – I know people wanted to talk about like food and whatever.
42:17
You talk about food all the time online.
42:20
Yeah, I like food.
42:21
I also like food.
42:22
And I love you for it.
42:23
Thank you.
42:24
But I do think that people look at you for not only your food, but the life you're living and the authentic person you are.
42:35
And you have created a world and a brand.
42:40
that represents Torah and represents the Jewish people in a way that's light and fun, but also grounded in value.
42:53
And you should also remember
42:57
How special that is, because not a lot of people are out there living their truth.
43:02
No, but I don't think it's so special.
43:04
I just think people don't know that it's a possibility to live according to your values and forget what the world is saying.
43:12
And just like, you know, I remember when I came home from seminary and everybody was like to my parents, like, oh, she's in a bubble.
43:18
She's in a bubble.
43:19
And I remember thinking to myself, like, okay, fine, I'm not leaving, no.
43:23
So this is like, I'm staying in my bubble.
43:26
And in fact, my bubble has expanded and it now includes a family and many rabbiam and many...
43:34
Very amazing female, some rabbits in some not role models for me.
43:39
And I'm constantly feeding my bubble so that I can stay in it.
43:43
And yeah, it's a bubble.
43:44
Everybody chooses their own bubble.
43:46
Who are you letting into your bubble?
43:48
Who are you bringing into it?
43:50
How are you like your bubble is affecting you?
43:52
It's the air you breathe.
43:55
I want to breathe holy air.
43:57
I do.
43:58
I don't always.
43:59
First of all, I am definitely a human being.
44:01
Like, this is like, I don't know if people would know this about me necessarily.
44:05
I love television, right?
44:07
I obviously grew up on television.
44:09
I grew up modern orthodox.
44:10
We had a TV in every single room of the house.
44:12
Like, literally, my father, like, the only, like, has a, what's that thing called?
44:17
It's a label printer?
44:18
Yeah.
44:18
Label maker?
44:19
Oh, I love those.
44:19
Just for the remote controls, okay?
44:21
You probably didn't lose any, you lucky duck.
44:24
Yeah.
44:24
No, well, that's why he had to get a label maker.
44:26
OK, like TVs are very, very important.
44:28
And I obviously cannot sit through a movie.
44:30
I'm not a movie person.
44:32
But television, I love television.
44:35
And my husband travels every week, Sunday to Thursday.
44:38
He's not here.
44:38
I cannot sleep at night because we live on a very busy street in a city.
44:42
You're trying to your apartment.
44:43
Right.
44:43
You're trying to lay him as a city.
44:45
And by the way, the people say the five towns is a bubble.
44:47
OK, we're in a shtetl.
44:48
Great, fabulous.
44:50
I think that there's beauty in that.
44:52
I don't want to live in Manhattan.
44:53
I don't want, I don't necessarily need all the diversity that everybody else has.
44:57
Everybody can live however they want.
44:59
That is the bottom line.
45:00
You get to choose how you live.
45:01
If you are a Jew, I hope you live according to the Torah because I know Hashem wants you.
45:05
And that's it.
45:06
But if you don't, Hashem still wants you.
45:08
Hashem still loves you.
45:09
So who am I to not love you?
45:11
I still love you.
45:11
There is nobody I have ever met in my life that does not have value to me.
45:15
I talk to thousands of women every single day and I have to tell you,
45:18
of all different religious spectrums I have learned from every single one sometimes I learn things like oh maybe this could hurt a person's feeling even though this person wasn't intending to hurt my feelings like so maybe I should be more careful what I say and sometimes it's like whoa this woman is not religious at all and literally has more emuna in her fingertip than I have in my whole body do you know what I mean there is something
45:40
Something to learn from everybody.
45:42
So I am not in a position to judge you about how you're keeping halacha.
45:46
Obviously, I hope for you.
45:47
I hope all of Kali Israel keeps halacha because honestly, I don't think I hide this.
45:51
All I care about in this world is Mashiach.
45:53
I want Mashiach.
45:54
I need my family to be complete.
45:55
I need to set enough table settings.
45:57
I need my whole family around the table.
45:59
That is it.
46:00
I need that.
46:01
That is my goal in life.
46:02
I want to bring Mashiach.
46:04
I want this world to be a better place.
46:06
No more war.
46:06
No more fighting.
46:07
No more hate.
46:09
All of our questions answered.
46:10
I mean, what could be better?
46:12
Literally nothing.
46:13
So if the way to get to Mashiach is by keeping halacha, yeah, obviously I want that.
46:17
Like, I'm not hiding that.
46:19
I'm not hiding who I am.
46:21
I just am not judging you if you're not, because I'm also preventing Mashiach.
46:25
I speak Lashon Hara.
46:26
I sometimes watch TV.
46:28
I say things I shouldn't say.
46:31
I do things I shouldn't do.
46:32
I am a human being also.
46:34
Do you know what I mean?
46:34
So I know my very significant part in not bringing Mashiach.
46:39
But I just want us all to do better.
46:41
So it's interesting if I can bring this to like even a gosh-me-us level here.
46:46
I think about celebrities, right?
46:49
We look at celebrities and we hold them to this like not only higher standard, but like they need to do certain things perfectly.
46:57
And then all of a sudden, if they don't, everyone attacks them.
47:00
And I'm like, guys...
47:02
They're human beings just because they're on a TV screen or a movie screen like they don't know anything different than you know.
47:11
So I don't want to be judged like that.
47:14
I couldn't imagine living under a microscope like that.
47:18
I think everybody.
47:19
We all live under.
47:20
And that's part of the problem now.
47:22
No, no.
47:23
Is that Hashem is the microscope and we forget that.
47:26
By the way, that's a very good point.
47:29
But that is integrity.
47:31
I just think that there's a, and like this is very global, so it's not to one specific person.
47:36
And I talk to my children about this all the time because it is very, very important to me.
47:41
You need to be a person of integrity.
47:44
That means that your insides match your outsides.
47:47
Okay?
47:48
And sometimes they don't, right?
47:49
Sometimes our outsides have to do things that our insides don't want to do because of whatever reason, like our goof and our neshama or whatever.
47:58
Okay?
48:00
But if you have a set of values, live by them.
48:04
And yes, it creates discomfort and conflict.
48:07
And for teenagers, like, I'm for sure not judging you.
48:11
It's a process.
48:12
It's so hard.
48:13
Being a teenager, oh my gosh.
48:15
And being a teenager now is more hard.
48:18
I said...
48:19
I make this statement all the time.
48:20
I'm like, I was doing crazy things and there was nobody in a phone, like with a phone in my face to capture those moments.
48:26
Like I could have that be in the past and not relive it over and over and over again.
48:32
I think life is so hard, but it's so beautiful if you allow yourself to experience it.
48:38
Yeah.
48:39
Well, a lot of things are choices.
48:41
And back to what we were saying, like faking it to make it.
48:43
I think even I was a pretty happy person.
48:46
Like my whole life, I do have a happier outlook.
48:49
Like I wake up happy and I get through the day and I wake up up.
48:51
Give me a pill of whatever you want.
48:53
No, but I want to tell you that after my son passed away, I did not wake up happy every day.
48:57
I did not wake up happy any day.
48:59
I was not happy any minute of the day, obviously, because how could one be happy?
49:05
But within a few months, I had a desire for happiness.
49:11
And, you know, obviously I went through a process.
49:14
Am I allowed to be happy?
49:16
Do I feel guilty being happy?
49:17
Like, right?
49:18
Okay.
49:18
I think a lot of people that experience grief experience that like give and take of guilt and desire.
49:23
And, you know, how do you rectify the two?
49:25
And obviously I went through my own process.
49:28
Process.
49:28
Yeah.
49:29
And, you know, spoke to whoever I needed to speak to to sort those feelings out.
49:34
So I'm not saying there is a magic pill to this.
49:36
I'm saying you do need to go through it like and experience it and find a solution.
49:41
And for me, the solution was fake it till you make it.
49:44
was pretend to be happy and then happiness will come.
49:47
And that did work for me.
49:48
I'm not saying that works for you or that works for everybody, but the path to happiness for me was faking being happy until it felt real again, because I forgot.
50:00
I didn't know how to be happy after that experience.
50:02
Well, it changes your entire brain chemistry.
50:04
Yeah.
50:05
So you're the person before and you're the person after.
50:08
Right.
50:09
And you're creating a new Danielle and a new person that has to exist in this world without feeling complete.
50:17
So you have to sort of remember, okay, I'm going to retrain my brain to exist here and create a life that's meaningful even though I know it's not full.
50:30
Right.
50:30
It's not complete.
50:31
And the thing is, we kind of have get not have to we get to we are privileged to be able to make that choice every single second.
50:37
The person you were a minute ago doesn't need to be the person you are in a minute.
50:41
Yeah.
50:42
You have every minute a chance to decide who am I?
50:48
What are the tools Hashem gave me?
50:50
How can I use them?
50:51
Do I need to change how I use them?
50:52
And yes, obviously that is such an oversimplification because it is not easy to change who we are.
50:57
It requires tremendous abode, a lot, a lot of work, but we are capable of it.
51:04
We are capable of it.
51:05
If you daven to Hashem, like I have had multiple things in my life that I've tried to take on and haven't been successful and things like that.
51:13
And someone in my life once said to me, she's like, did you ask Hashem?
51:17
And this was actually more recent in the last few years.
51:19
And I was like, what?
51:21
She's like, well, I'm like, I'm taking it on for Hashem.
51:24
Obviously Hashem knows.
51:24
She's like, no, no, no, you have to ask Hashem every day and you're davening.
51:27
And literally within a few months, it became easier for me to take on.
51:32
And Hashem wants to help you.
51:35
He's there all the time.
51:37
So you just have to ask.
51:39
And I love that.
51:39
I love that because I always say like Hashem is my friend.
51:43
I really look at him as a friend also.
51:45
And the time I talk to him the most, I'm not a big davener.
51:49
Everybody connects to things differently.
51:51
But I speak to him every day when I'm driving.
51:54
It's one of these things because I'm alone.
51:55
I don't really listen to the music or anything anymore because I'm working or doing or working.
52:03
But I sit there and while I drive, we have a conversation.
52:07
And I find that to be extremely grounding.
52:09
And I ask for things and I apologize and I do all the things.
52:14
And it just grounds me in a way that nothing else I've ever done does.
52:19
Not exercise, not therapy, not this.
52:22
That's what grounds me.
52:24
That's beautiful.
52:25
Can we end with a little bit of rapid fire?
52:28
Yeah.
52:28
And a little bit of fun.
52:30
Okay.
52:31
Shabbos dinner or Shabbos lunch?
52:32
Shabbos dinner.
52:33
Okay.
52:34
I also agree.
52:35
I think everybody agrees.
52:37
I mean like chicken soup and challah.
52:40
Okay.
52:41
Hosting or being hosted?
52:43
Hosting.
52:44
Challah or pita?
52:45
Challah.
52:46
Schnitzel or steak?
52:47
Schnitzel.
52:48
Oh, no.
52:49
Steak.
52:50
Sorry, I answered.
52:50
No, I don't know both.
52:52
I can't choose.
52:52
That was not fair question.
52:53
Sorry, I thought it was a fair one.
52:54
I don't like.
52:55
No, but also like schnitzel straight out of the frying pan, you mean?
52:58
Yeah.
52:59
Not like lukewarm, like heated schnitzel.
53:02
That's such a hard.
53:03
No, no, no.
53:03
I feel like I should apologize to the steak for that.
53:05
But I guess it depends on who makes the steak.
53:07
Only if I make the steak.
53:08
Doma?
53:09
No.
53:10
Okay.
53:11
I mean, I love Doma.
53:12
Me too.
53:12
But I do like to cook things exactly how I like them.
53:17
Israel or America?
53:18
No diplomatic answer.
53:20
Israel.
53:20
Okay.
53:21
Most overrated Jewish food?
53:23
Gefilder.
53:24
I knew exactly you were going that.
53:26
Most underrated Jewish food?
53:28
I don't know.
53:29
I feel like I didn't grow up with traditional Jewish.
53:32
I grew up with more Moroccan.
53:33
I know, but you pretty much live in a very traditional world right now.
53:36
Most underrated Jewish food?
53:41
Fine, Skip.
53:42
No, one second.
53:43
One second.
53:44
I'm going to ask you another hard question.
53:45
Wait, I'm going to say, does it have to be like traditional?
53:48
No, no.
53:49
Or could it be like modern pop culture Judaism?
53:52
Yeah, of course.
53:52
Poppers.
53:53
I love poppers.
53:54
Okay.
53:54
And they're underrated.
53:55
Okay.
53:55
And like you can't go to a Jewish store without poppers.
53:58
No, no, no.
53:58
And if you don't come home for Shabbos with poppers, like it's not a full Shabbos meal.
54:02
No, no.
54:02
And like I just like them.
54:03
They're good.
54:04
I also think they're good.
54:05
Okay.
54:06
Recipe you're completely sick of making.
54:08
Meatballs.
54:09
Agreed.
54:10
Food your kids refuse to eat that you're personally offended about.
54:15
None.
54:15
Oh, good.
54:16
You raised good eaters.
54:18
No, no.
54:18
Not all my kids eat everything.
54:20
Some of my kids don't eat fish, things like that, but I'm not personally offended.
54:23
They don't like it, which I do.
54:25
Most Israeli thing about you?
54:26
I have an answer for you.
54:27
Probably that I forgot to put on real shoes this morning.
54:31
But Naot in Israel are real shoes.
54:33
Yeah.
54:34
And they have jewelry.
54:35
Okay.
54:35
They're fancy.
54:35
They're fancy.
54:36
They're fancy version.
54:37
Yeah.
54:37
But I was wearing these in my house and I did intend to put it on.
54:41
Also, I'm late everywhere all the time.
54:44
Welcome to Israel.
54:45
And I park wherever I want.
54:46
Yeah.
54:47
Okay.
54:48
I like that.
54:48
Most American thing about you?
54:51
I don't know.
54:52
Probably my kitchen.
54:53
Which kid is most likely to take over peas, loving carrots?
54:56
Maggie.
54:57
Basic.
54:58
That wasn't even hard, Julia.
54:59
I know.
55:00
Which kid wants absolutely nothing to do with it?
55:02
I already know.
55:03
Matter.
55:05
Which, by the way, it's not true.
55:06
It's because he is a worked-on person also.
55:09
He, when I started Instagram, loved Instagram.
55:11
Actually, there's videos of him making food on Instagram.
55:14
He loved to be on it.
55:15
But he really doesn't believe in smartphones and social media.
55:18
He really wants to live his life a very certain way.
55:23
And social media doesn't fit into that.
55:24
So I'm very proud of him.
55:25
What would teenage Danielle be most shocked about today?
55:28
She'd be really grossed out.
55:30
Like, she'd be like, ew, what are you doing, Danielle?
55:32
Stop.
55:33
Stop.
55:33
Like sometimes when I see videos of myself, I'm like, oh my gosh, why would I see that?
55:38
Sometimes I think I'm like cringey, but I also don't... Definitely cringey.
55:42
I'm definitely cringey, but I think to myself like, wow, I would think I was cool.
55:48
I probably wouldn't.
55:49
Oh, okay.
55:50
I probably wouldn't think I was cool.
55:53
I don't know.
55:53
Yeah.
55:55
I'm just happy I'm not a teenager Danielle anymore.
55:57
Me too.
55:58
Me too.
55:59
What brings you the most joy right now?
56:02
So many things.
56:03
I feel so much joy throughout the day.
56:04
Like I find joy in little things.
56:06
Sometimes it's like yesterday, I made bagels for after the fast.
56:09
And yesterday I had to go buy paper goods and whatever.
56:12
And when I was paper goods, I was like, you know, I really want a bagel with egg and cheese, like American style.
56:16
You know?
56:17
And when I went home, I was like, my kids were downstairs building.
56:20
So they actually had ordered food for lunch because I wasn't home.
56:24
And I was like, guys, I'm going upstairs.
56:25
Like, please don't go.
56:27
And I made myself like without making anybody else.
56:31
And that's like not a me thing to do.
56:33
I made myself a bagel, egg and cheese.
56:35
And then they all came home.
56:36
They were just like watching me eat it.
56:37
I'm like, do you want me to make you guys?
56:38
And my kids were like, no, no, you enjoy.
56:41
And I was like, okay.
56:42
And I was so happy.
56:44
Like sometimes it's just, right?
56:45
Like it's like when I'm like sitting at night, like making jewelry for my shoes, even when I should be doing something else.
56:50
I love crafting.
56:51
I love that.
56:52
I love it.
56:52
That's such a good answer.
56:53
Danielle, thank you so much for being here.
56:56
I really loved like interacting with you.
56:59
I happen to love Danielle separately from like Instagram.
57:02
And I just.
57:02
We have a mutual love.
57:03
I think that there, it's just.
57:05
I do.
57:06
Can I share like a secret moment?
57:08
I won't put this in if you don't.
57:09
No, no.
57:09
Sure.
57:10
When I first started on Instagram, I was doing Instagram.
57:13
I remember.
57:15
And Danielle was one of the people I approached to do these lives.
57:21
And she was the only person who turned me down.
57:24
Really?
57:24
You were the only person that turned me down.
57:26
And one of the things that Danielle said to me, which stuck with me, was I don't want it to be negative.
57:32
Yeah.
57:34
And I actually think this is such a full circle moment for me because I was in such a different place then.
57:42
And being able to have you here to talk about really something we both love, it might look different to people, but the baseline's the same.
57:54
And I'm so grateful you're here.
57:56
I have to say I really love you.
57:58
I very much value your friendship.
57:59
Julia is somebody I've turned to multiple times when I've needed help with things.
58:03
And I actually have seen your growth over Instagram and your process.
58:08
And I very much value everything you say and what you give to us.
58:12
So thank you.
58:13
Thank you for being here.